FabSwingers.com forum: relationship ends.. what to do with gifts??

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

together 2 years, loved him for 3.

We wrote love letters, cards, made photo albums, ive picture frames. Fridge magnets of all the places he went, got concert programs, lanyards from gigs etc..

He has given me some pretty awesome gifts over the years but i simply wont use or wear. Question is what do i do? Hand it back, keep it or bin it??

Random stuff like set of 4 Phillips Hue bulbs.. and Tiffany jewelery as 2 examples..

Would he want it back? Would he think i was a huge c**t if i left everything on his doorstep.. .

Help.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

Did it end acrimonious or are you still civilised with each other? If you are still talking then I think the thing to do is ask him.

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By *onkyLemonsCouple
over a year ago

Nottingham

"together 2 years, loved him for 3.

We wrote love letters, cards, made photo albums, ive picture frames. Fridge magnets of all the places he went, got concert programs, lanyards from gigs etc..

He has given me some pretty awesome gifts over the years but i simply wont use or wear. Question is what do i do? Hand it back, keep it or bin it??

Random stuff like set of 4 Phillips Hue bulbs.. and Tiffany jewelery as 2 examples..

Would he want it back? Would he think i was a huge c**t if i left everything on his doorstep.. .

Help."

If the relationship ended on amicable terms, you could always just ask if he wanted the stuff back with a little explanation.

But the safer option would be just to get rid of what you won’t want without him knowing. Ignorance is bliss as far as he’s concerned and you should make sure you take whatever steps you need to in order to heal and move on!

Hope you feel better soon!

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

I would just keep it maybe put away in a box if its painful to see x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you want to do? Do you care what he thinks of you?

Charity shop may be another option.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All depends on how the relationship ended? I made a lot of hasty decisions when mine ended, burnt stuff, deleted pictures, threw stuff away...

. Now I am over the breakup I remember the good times and wish I hadn't done those things. We did make so good memories x

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

Depends on the circumstances and how things ended for me.

I've been given family jewellery and I always give that back because it was never really mine.

Clothes and personal items I would always keep (even if I binned them, they're no use to anyone else). Personal jewellery I would tend to keep, engagement rings I give back (unless I've bought the stone, which has happened).

If it's something he's bought ostensibly for me but really so he can use it (an ex bought a ridiculously over-complicated coffee machine that I wouldn't dream of using) then I'd give it back. Unless things have ended in extreme bitterness, in which case I'd list it on Freecycle because I'm just that petty.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Sorry to hear you've broken up OP.

I'd say keep it if you like it, charity shop it if you don't.

I think handing gifts back is petty.

Be the bigger person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex kept the wand I bought her and still uses it which I think is weird.

I doubt the fella would want anything back. I'd say if you want it and will use it then keep it, if not give it to charity or bin it if it's too personal.....

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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

"Sorry to hear you've broken up OP.

I'd say keep it if you like it, charity shop it if you don't.

I think handing gifts back is petty.

Be the bigger person.

"
this for me to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m feeling a bit like this at the moment.

Having had a longish term relationship end fairly recently and having reminders all around.

I really wanna get rid of it all because it’s painful but then when I’m in the right frame of mind it all really makes me smile.

The good times were so very good.

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By *eplicant JoWoman
over a year ago

Sussex countryside

I would box it up and pop it in the loft for a while. They were gifts to you, so are your property to do what you want with. In a while, go back to the box and sell or charity shop anything you do not feel you want to keep.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It seems a wee bit churlish to give him the stuff back. Keep what is of use if it reminds you of nice memories and rehome or get rid of the rest

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

in a nutshell.. we broke up as wanted different things from life long term. I still loved him, we spoke like nothing had really changed. I knee he loved me, he knew i loved him we just didnt have a future. I fell out of love with him after about 10 months, found some nee confidence and a love for myself. Made the mistake of telling him that.

He bombarded me with compliments saying he regretted not staying with me. Id fallen out of love though. I was so desperate for him to love me and want me but was 10 month of rejection.

Ended up with him harassing me, threats to turn up at my door and police got involved. So the end was very messy.

I still somehow care. I hate it came to that. I genuinely thought id marry him. I was wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely don’t hand them back to the person who loved you enough to buy them at the time.

That would really hurt me personally.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

"I’m feeling a bit like this at the moment.

Having had a longish term relationship end fairly recently and having reminders all around.

I really wanna get rid of it all because it’s painful but then when I’m in the right frame of mind it all really makes me smile.

The good times were so very good."

U will always have the memories of the good times no matter what! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I would feel a bit offended to get anything back unless it was a family heirloom type of thing. Stick it all in a box for 6 mths in the loft.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

"in a nutshell.. we broke up as wanted different things from life long term. I still loved him, we spoke like nothing had really changed. I knee he loved me, he knew i loved him we just didnt have a future. I fell out of love with him after about 10 months, found some nee confidence and a love for myself. Made the mistake of telling him that.

He bombarded me with compliments saying he regretted not staying with me. Id fallen out of love though. I was so desperate for him to love me and want me but was 10 month of rejection.

Ended up with him harassing me, threats to turn up at my door and police got involved. So the end was very messy.

I still somehow care. I hate it came to that. I genuinely thought id marry him. I was wrong.

Oh, I'm sorry to read that.

Please don't give the things back. Bin them, burn them, do whatever you need but please don't initiate contact or do something that could be construed as you initiating contact.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

If it's joint things you got on trips you can offer it back IF it makes you feel better. Things like jewellery etc if you're not going to wear it sell it or charity shop . Or if you are super unsure box all it up and go through it in about 6 months or so

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Pack it all away until looking at it doesn't hurt anymore. Then sort through it and decide what you still want. I still have jewellery from exs that I still wear. It would be a waste not to I think.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"together 2 years, loved him for 3.

We wrote love letters, cards, made photo albums, ive picture frames. Fridge magnets of all the places he went, got concert programs, lanyards from gigs etc..

He has given me some pretty awesome gifts over the years but i simply wont use or wear. Question is what do i do? Hand it back, keep it or bin it??

Random stuff like set of 4 Phillips Hue bulbs.. and Tiffany jewelery as 2 examples..

Would he want it back? Would he think i was a huge c**t if i left everything on his doorstep.. .

Help."

The lanyards, tickets from gigs you went to are your memories as well as his so I would keep them (if you look at them and get happy memories why throw them away, if you look at them and feel anger put them in a sealed box in an out of way place)

Time heals and when you're settled and in a happy place you can look at your gig and concert memoirs)

If you've got awesome gifts from him that you definitely won't use or wear I'd give them to your favourite charity shop so some good comes from it.(no point destroying it)

If the light bulbs make you sad bin them, if they're just light bulbs use them.

I'd delete messages from my phone as it's difficult to not keep reading them and it will slow down your recovery.

Letters etc can go in a separate sealed box from your gig tickets.

You never know when your 80 you might meet him again and those letters etc will be priceless to read together.

Ps ignore all the above if he treated you badly !

Good luck

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By *educerMan
over a year ago

Brentwood

Bin it, move on

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

He bombarded me with compliments saying he regretted not staying with me. Id fallen out of love though. I was so desperate for him to love me and want me but was 10 month of rejection.

Ended up with him harassing me, threats to turn up at my door and police got involved. So the end was very messy.

I still somehow care. I hate it came to that. I genuinely thought id marry him. I was wrong.

Oh, I'm sorry to read that.

Please don't give the things back. Bin them, burn them, do whatever you need but please don't initiate contact or do something that could be construed as you initiating contact."

I think on reflection it was a control thing.. he knew he would click his fingers and id run back to him. But i found ME..

Id never ever post photos of my body like i have on here. Ive discovered self worth.

I think he just lashed out in extreme ways when he knew he lost control.

I love him.. but im no way IN love with him.

Stuff is already in boxes. Maybe give it 6 months and see how i feel then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Definitely don’t hand them back to the person who loved you enough to buy them at the time.

That would really hurt me personally."

This.

I know it ended badly in the end but I would not want to twist the knife. Just pop them away for now and deal with them when less raw xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Pack it all away until looking at it doesn't hurt anymore. Then sort through it and decide what you still want. I still have jewellery from exs that I still wear. It would be a waste not to I think. "

Exactly this, I wish I had this advice months ago, but what is done is done.. Helped me get through it at the time I suppose..

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

He bombarded me with compliments saying he regretted not staying with me. Id fallen out of love though. I was so desperate for him to love me and want me but was 10 month of rejection.

Ended up with him harassing me, threats to turn up at my door and police got involved. So the end was very messy.

I still somehow care. I hate it came to that. I genuinely thought id marry him. I was wrong.

Definitely don't hand them back in that case.

Why initiate contact with someone who you had such toxic relationship with?

You know the right thing to do.

Cut all ties.

It's hard I know.

But I can pretty much guarantee in time you'll look back and think why the hell did I put up with all that crap.

Hug of support to you OP.

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By *ikesEmBigMan
over a year ago

Herts

"together 2 years, loved him for 3.

We wrote love letters, cards, made photo albums, ive picture frames. Fridge magnets of all the places he went, got concert programs, lanyards from gigs etc..

He has given me some pretty awesome gifts over the years but i simply wont use or wear. Question is what do i do? Hand it back, keep it or bin it??

Random stuff like set of 4 Phillips Hue bulbs.. and Tiffany jewelery as 2 examples..

Would he want it back? Would he think i was a huge c**t if i left everything on his doorstep.. .

Help."

Those bulbs are pricey

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I’d keep them. They were given with love.

I’ve kept my two engagement rings (although if they were family rings then I’d have given back).

I would be hurt if a gift I gave someone was given back, just because we were no longer together. We were together when I gave them, so keep them and smile and think of me when you look at them.

Remember the good times and the fun.

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By *adHatter_RestrainedAliceCouple
over a year ago

In The Hills

sell em and buy a new toy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m quite ruthless and have to get rid. Burn it/ give it away/ sell it.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

He bombarded me with compliments saying he regretted not staying with me. Id fallen out of love though. I was so desperate for him to love me and want me but was 10 month of rejection.

Ended up with him harassing me, threats to turn up at my door and police got involved. So the end was very messy.

I still somehow care. I hate it came to that. I genuinely thought id marry him. I was wrong.

Definitely don't hand them back in that case.

Why initiate contact with someone who you had such toxic relationship with?

You know the right thing to do.

Cut all ties.

It's hard I know.

But I can pretty much guarantee in time you'll look back and think why the hell did I put up with all that crap.

Hug of support to you OP."

Sassy !! I agree with Minxy . It's hard but better in the long run xx

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If I give a gift it belongs to the person I have it to, I wouldn't want or expect it back. So I'd say keep it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He bombarded me with compliments saying he regretted not staying with me. Id fallen out of love though. I was so desperate for him to love me and want me but was 10 month of rejection.

Ended up with him harassing me, threats to turn up at my door and police got involved. So the end was very messy.

I still somehow care. I hate it came to that. I genuinely thought id marry him. I was wrong.

Definitely don't hand them back in that case.

Why initiate contact with someone who you had such toxic relationship with?

You know the right thing to do.

Cut all ties.

It's hard I know.

But I can pretty much guarantee in time you'll look back and think why the hell did I put up with all that crap.

Hug of support to you OP.

Sassy !! I agree with Minxy . It's hard but better in the long run xx"

Also agree

Bin it, delete his number, block him and don't look back.

You deserve better.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

thanks everyone for the input.. think i will re evaluate in 6 months when its less raw. New prospective etc x x x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't want to get all hippy on you but hold it in your hand, if it brings you happiness, keep it, if it brings you pain then bin it. Those gifts were bought for you, he wouldn't want them back unless he is a massive dick about it, if they make you smile then put them in a box, if not take them to a charity shop and that way someone will smile and you will be helping to do that, which will make you happy x

Danish x

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