FabSwingers.com forum: Toxic people

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Unfortunately in life there are times when we come across toxic people online and offline I've always said instead of doing what they're doing just step away let them be toxic because you can't change someone who is like that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had to step away from Britney Spears.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Toxic Avenger

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

On Holibobs

Yes its sad when you start up a friendship for it to quickly turn toxic and then you need to end it

Recognition of the toxic behaviour is the hard part when it's done subtly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Unfortunately in life there are times when we come across toxic people online and offline I've always said instead of doing what they're doing just step away let them be toxic because you can't change someone who is like that

Well done Simon!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lots of them around unfortunately.

I feel sorry for them and they really dont like it when you return the favour!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I had to step away from Britney Spears."

A guy like you should wear a warning

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

I usually don't have anything to do with toxic people. They are easy to suss out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I usually don't have anything to do with toxic people. They are easy to suss out."

Is it the yellow warning sign?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

What's a toxic person? Just normal horrible or something more?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's a toxic person? Just normal horrible or something more?"

Or someone going through a bad phase and needing others to recognise we call be arseholes at times?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"What's a toxic person? Just normal horrible or something more?

Or someone going through a bad phase and needing others to recognise we call be arseholes at times? "

Excellent point, very well made.

Hashtags come and hashtags go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's a toxic person? Just normal horrible or something more?

Or someone going through a bad phase and needing others to recognise we call be arseholes at times? "

I was gonna say something like this but I thought ppl might call me cunty or assume I was referring to myself, oh the assumptions....

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By *assing Fancies xCouple
over a year ago

Sherwood Forest

We have zero time for toxic and negative people, the effects always rub off in some form or another.

The nicest people to your face and always be the most toxic behind your back.

Also hate mood hoovers, there the kind of people that when others are happy and having a good time they sit and moan about everything trying to bring others good moods down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My sister is toxic

I'm sick of her shit - she's my last living family member and I'm sad to let her go but I have to for my own sake.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Lots of them around unfortunately.

I feel sorry for them and they really dont like it when you return the favour!! "

God they so don't

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"My sister is toxic

I'm sick of her shit - she's my last living family member and I'm sad to let her go but I have to for my own sake."

I feel you. I had to do this with my mother

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My sister is toxic

I'm sick of her shit - she's my last living family member and I'm sad to let her go but I have to for my own sake.

I feel you. I had to do this with my mother "

It's sad to have to let go of family - but sometimes it's the only way.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"What's a toxic person? Just normal horrible or something more?

Or someone going through a bad phase and needing others to recognise we call be arseholes at times? "

I think sometimes two people can be toxic to each other though. Me and my father should not have any form of relationship as it ends in disaster every time. And I've tried for decades to make it work. Sometimes you have to accept you're not compatible with someone as they cause too much misery. This is what I think of a a toxic relationship

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By *inkysexpotMan
over a year ago

leeds

Its hard when they seem to be nice, honest genuine people but then the little signs start to show. You try to overlook it but then you start to see more and more and you just know its time to step away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like somebody got blocked..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's a toxic person? Just normal horrible or something more?

Or someone going through a bad phase and needing others to recognise we call be arseholes at times?

Ahh I like that. Very true.

We can't all live a utopian existence, and accepting differences and not demanding others to change to your expectations isnt easy.

People can be happy without us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's a toxic person? Just normal horrible or something more?

Or someone going through a bad phase and needing others to recognise we call be arseholes at times?

This! I was thinking this too, with a lot of folk it's reciprocal. If you think someone is so bad for you that you'd label them as toxic, then they're unlikely to think much of you in return and likely to think you're toxic too. And in that case a pathway forward is gonna be though.... So I guess this is toxic for me, it's not one person, it's a relationship between two....

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"My sister is toxic

I'm sick of her shit - she's my last living family member and I'm sad to let her go but I have to for my own sake.

I feel you. I had to do this with my mother

It's sad to have to let go of family - but sometimes it's the only way.

It is. There is only so much you can do before you have to say enough and stop yourself suffering any more

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"What's a toxic person? Just normal horrible or something more?

Or someone going through a bad phase and needing others to recognise we call be arseholes at times?

Ahh I like that. Very true.

We can't all live a utopian existence, and accepting differences and not demanding others to change to your expectations isnt easy.

People can be happy without us.

Though I agree with you there's no such thing as a toxic person. Sometimes people aren't supposed to have relationships with each other, it's not a bad thing it's just how it is

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"What's a toxic person? Just normal horrible or something more?

Or someone going through a bad phase and needing others to recognise we call be arseholes at times?

Excellent point, very well made.

Hashtags come and hashtags go"

I came across the concept in a self help book (existed before hashtags) which I used in psychotherapy.

Toxicity is building a dose of something until it's detrimental. We all have different sensitivities so person A might be toxic to person B but not person C. But person D might be toxic to everyone.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"What's a toxic person? Just normal horrible or something more?

Or someone going through a bad phase and needing others to recognise we call be arseholes at times?

Excellent point, very well made.

Hashtags come and hashtags go

I came across the concept in a self help book (existed before hashtags) which I used in psychotherapy.

Toxicity is building a dose of something until it's detrimental. We all have different sensitivities so person A might be toxic to person B but not person C. But person D might be toxic to everyone."

How do you determine who is toxic to everyone though?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"What's a toxic person? Just normal horrible or something more?

Or someone going through a bad phase and needing others to recognise we call be arseholes at times?

Excellent point, very well made.

Hashtags come and hashtags go

I came across the concept in a self help book (existed before hashtags) which I used in psychotherapy.

Toxicity is building a dose of something until it's detrimental. We all have different sensitivities so person A might be toxic to person B but not person C. But person D might be toxic to everyone.

How do you determine who is toxic to everyone though? "

I don't. I just acknowledge that such a person might exist. I mitigate, avoid, or make moves to protect as appropriate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's a toxic person? Just normal horrible or something more?

Or someone going through a bad phase and needing others to recognise we call be arseholes at times?

Excellent point, very well made.

Hashtags come and hashtags go

I came across the concept in a self help book (existed before hashtags) which I used in psychotherapy.

Toxicity is building a dose of something until it's detrimental. We all have different sensitivities so person A might be toxic to person B but not person C. But person D might be toxic to everyone."

I'm no expert so just a musing from experience, but were not born toxic? So whilst I agree some apoear so , maybe they can adjust.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The thing is what I've realised is is when I say people are toxic basically a lot of the time people can't take no take no as an answer

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"What's a toxic person? Just normal horrible or something more?

Or someone going through a bad phase and needing others to recognise we call be arseholes at times?

Excellent point, very well made.

Hashtags come and hashtags go

I came across the concept in a self help book (existed before hashtags) which I used in psychotherapy.

Toxicity is building a dose of something until it's detrimental. We all have different sensitivities so person A might be toxic to person B but not person C. But person D might be toxic to everyone.

How do you determine who is toxic to everyone though?

I don't. I just acknowledge that such a person might exist. I mitigate, avoid, or make moves to protect as appropriate."

That's fair, I tend to think that a person isn't good for my own mental well-being and take measures. I'm loathed to label people as toxic as I can't differentiate between if it's our relationship that is toxic or the person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's a toxic person? Just normal horrible or something more?

Or someone going through a bad phase and needing others to recognise we call be arseholes at times?

Excellent point, very well made.

Hashtags come and hashtags go

I came across the concept in a self help book (existed before hashtags) which I used in psychotherapy.

Toxicity is building a dose of something until it's detrimental. We all have different sensitivities so person A might be toxic to person B but not person C. But person D might be toxic to everyone."

So, some ppl might not get along together in a pairing? So we label them as a poison and wave a flag to others who they might get along perfectly well with just because of something which could be as much our own fault as theirs?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"What's a toxic person? Just normal horrible or something more?

Or someone going through a bad phase and needing others to recognise we call be arseholes at times?

Excellent point, very well made.

Hashtags come and hashtags go

I came across the concept in a self help book (existed before hashtags) which I used in psychotherapy.

Toxicity is building a dose of something until it's detrimental. We all have different sensitivities so person A might be toxic to person B but not person C. But person D might be toxic to everyone.

I'm no expert so just a musing from experience, but were not born toxic? So whilst I agree some apoear so , maybe they can adjust."

Of course. Two way street though. You work out if you can cope with behaviour, you work out if you can adjust - but so does the other person.

I've spent years trying to contort myself into having a good relationship with people (mostly family). In the end, although I've not cut them out, I've had to go, you know what, fuck it, you need to accept me as I am, not make me miserable demanding I be someone I'm not.

Toxicity can be mitigated or healed.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"What's a toxic person? Just normal horrible or something more?

Or someone going through a bad phase and needing others to recognise we call be arseholes at times?

Excellent point, very well made.

Hashtags come and hashtags go

I came across the concept in a self help book (existed before hashtags) which I used in psychotherapy.

Toxicity is building a dose of something until it's detrimental. We all have different sensitivities so person A might be toxic to person B but not person C. But person D might be toxic to everyone.

How do you determine who is toxic to everyone though?

I don't. I just acknowledge that such a person might exist. I mitigate, avoid, or make moves to protect as appropriate.

My labels are private, shorthand for me, and they're not fixed.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

I agree. I was in a marriage with a toxic person and I'm glad that's over.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

as ive always said.

only one thing makes life unbearable.

other humans.

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By *olymalelincsMan
over a year ago

southend

Spot on OP I have recently come out of a toxic relationship and it get to a point where there is no helping the person and making that decision to step away was the best thing i have done in years.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"We have zero time for toxic and negative people, the effects always rub off in some form or another.

The nicest people to your face and always be the most toxic behind your back.

Also hate mood hoovers, there the kind of people that when others are happy and having a good time they sit and moan about everything trying to bring others good moods down. "

Energy vampires..

Suck the good out of any atmosphere..

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Hands up IF YOU are a mood hoovering toxic type ?

Cos it's funny how it's always someone else......

innit?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hands up IF YOU are a mood hoovering toxic type ?

Cos it's funny how it's always someone else......

innit?"

Was thinking the same. People moaning about personality traits of others.... So kind and accepting and understanding.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Best way to deal with people you perceive to be toxic is to avoid them - they're not worth the time or effort, especially in an environment like this.

In life, some people you just won't get on with no matter how hard you try, some people over time, and as you get to know them, you'll find aren't all they portray themselves as, and others you just won't get on with from the get go.

No point trying to change them, it rarely works, and in some instances even though they might come to you for advice they only want to hear what they want to hear, so it's a futile exercise.

Is far easier to distance yourself, where you can, than carry on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hands up IF YOU are a mood hoovering toxic type ?

Cos it's funny how it's always someone else......

innit?"

So true! Am I rubbing off on you Granny D....?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've met people like that at work and just said in glad I don't live with you and have to be near you with your poison oozing out all the time and then finish it off with I feel sorry for any friends or family you might have if at all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've met people like that at work and just said in glad I don't live with you and have to be near you with your poison oozing out all the time and then finish it off with I feel sorry for any friends or family you might have if at all"

So you felt the need to hurt or offend them? For what reason? Isn't that a little "toxic" in itself and demonstrates the two way relationship mentioned earlier?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So you felt the need to hurt or offend them? For what reason? Isn't that a little "toxic" in itself and demonstrates the two way relationship mentioned earlier?"

It takes a special type of c#nty to deliver that truth. Panache at work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Spot on OP I have recently come out of a toxic relationship and it get to a point where there is no helping the person and making that decision to step away was the best thing i have done in years."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hands up IF YOU are a mood hoovering toxic type ?

Cos it's funny how it's always someone else......

innit?"

Some might think so ...

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Hands up IF YOU are a mood hoovering toxic type ?

Cos it's funny how it's always someone else......

innit?

So true! Am I rubbing off on you Granny D....?

No. I've never disliked you. Although i've often felt your unease it's never troubled me for my sake. I'd say you've learned to engage your brain more and disarm your vitriole a good deal. Your arrogance is sticking out over the wall still........ just a tad.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

ooopsies!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hands up IF YOU are a mood hoovering toxic type ?

Cos it's funny how it's always someone else......

innit?

So true! Am I rubbing off on you Granny D....?

I never thought you did dislike me my lovely, and since we've never really spoken you'd have little but forum bullsit to judge me by anyway and what we see and hear on fab isn't much to go on....

Imma sound REALLY arrogant now, but I haven't learnt that at all, I'm just using fab slightly differently because I want to and it suits me. Perhaps some folk may have judged me differently before Vs now but that's all in their minds, I'm still the same old Steve from Trowvegas, I haven't changed and my real friends here or in real life don't tell me I've changed. It's funny I was talking to my friend about this very thing the other day when she pointed out how I used to be popular here, then most people decided to disown me, then now they've accepted me back and I'm semi popular again - it's all bollocks on here really imho. I think humans are fascinating creatures and fab has some amazing specimens, that's the primary reason why I chat here, plus I get the occasional shag out of it too which is a bonus!

If you want to get to know me then don't read too much more into my words than they say. Don't assume I'm sitting here foaming at the mouth with rage, because more often than not I'm crying with laughter. Ask questions and find out the old fashioned way if you really want to find out who I am, innit....

Right, back to the OP, it's not all about Nippy lololololol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's a toxic person? Just normal horrible or something more?

Or someone going through a bad phase and needing others to recognise we call be arseholes at times?

I agree that two people can have a toxic relationship but it doesn’t mean each individual is toxic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont believe any person is toxic.

Toxic is something that is poisonous and extremely dangerous.

Yes people can display "toxic" behaviours and be very damaged and of course two people can bring out the very worst in eachother.

I think the phrase "he or she is toxic" is very damaging and the word itself is very overused.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I dont believe any person is toxic.

Toxic is something that is poisonous and extremely dangerous.

Yes people can display "toxic" behaviours and be very damaged and of course two people can bring out the very worst in eachother.

I think the phrase "he or she is toxic" is very damaging and the word itself is very overused. "

This

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By *nSeeNMan
over a year ago

Z'ha'dum

If I'm toxic I'm sorry

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By *hav02Man
over a year ago

Glasgow/London

"I dont believe any person is toxic.

Toxic is something that is poisonous and extremely dangerous.

Yes people can display "toxic" behaviours and be very damaged and of course two people can bring out the very worst in eachother.

I think the phrase "he or she is toxic" is very damaging and the word itself is very overused. "

I'll put my hands up and say i don't know what a "toxic person" means

i generally disassociate with anyone who are a detriment to my life though, and very careful about who I put trust in to. Even spiteful people can be manipulated, They are predictable people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I dont believe any person is toxic.

Toxic is something that is poisonous and extremely dangerous.

Yes people can display "toxic" behaviours and be very damaged and of course two people can bring out the very worst in eachother.

I think the phrase "he or she is toxic" is very damaging and the word itself is very overused.

I'll put my hands up and say i don't know what a "toxic person" means

i generally disassociate with anyone who are a detriment to my life though, and very careful about who I put trust in to. Even spiteful people can be manipulated, They are predictable people."

I see it as an unnecessary label that we put on people who normally don't deserve it.

Its often used as a throw away comment but like I said if people really thought about the word means, its an extremely derogatory term to call another human being.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A fashionable expression. I think it's used to lend weight to folks indifference to someone who is a challenge.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Hands up IF YOU are a mood hoovering toxic type ?

Cos it's funny how it's always someone else......

innit?

So true! Am I rubbing off on you Granny D....?

I never thought you did dislike me my lovely, and since we've never really spoken you'd have little but forum bullsit to judge me by anyway and what we see and hear on fab isn't much to go on....

Right, back to the OP, it's not all about Nippy lololololol"

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By *jl1972Man
over a year ago

Bournemouth

Labelling someone "toxic" is often a modern way of saying you have a problem with someone, except this way it puts all the blame on the other person and avoids confronting the possibility that both sides may be to blame.

There's two sides to every story.

Someone you consider to be a toxic person may well be considered quite the opposite by others.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Labelling someone "toxic" is often a modern way of saying you have a problem with someone, except this way it puts all the blame on the other person and avoids confronting the possibility that both sides may be to blame.

There's two sides to every story.

Someone you consider to be a toxic person may well be considered quite the opposite by others."

Only if the word is incorrectly ascribed. Toxicity is generally noted by everyone around the person .... the only exceptions appear to be rich people blind or indifferent to limpet like goldiggers

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