FabSwingers.com forum: How well do you know yourself?

By *wist my nipples OP Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Inspired by Saffron's thread about how well other people know you, I got musing - as I do - about the importance of knowing yourself.

How well do you know yourself? Is it easy, or hard? Are there parts you keep closed off? Do you recognise patterns of behaviour in yourself, whether positive or negative? So many questions!

Mrs TMN x

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By *xmfrvnMan
over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent

I had to call my new energy supplier yesterday & noticed that I tend to feel/act somewhat hostile/guarded any time I have to do this sort of thing. Was expecting to have a struggle getting things sorted but it was all done pretty much immediately. Completely unnecessary way to be. I think it might be from how my mum dealt with cold callers when I was young, as well as being really wary of getting scammed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm very introspective and I know myself very well. I can recognise my moods and why I'm in a particular mood and patterns of behaviour. Doesn't always help and will still do some things which I really know I shouldn't.

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By *wist my nipples OP Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"I had to call my new energy supplier yesterday & noticed that I tend to feel/act somewhat hostile/guarded any time I have to do this sort of thing. Was expecting to have a struggle getting things sorted but it was all done pretty much immediately. Completely unnecessary way to be. I think it might be from how my mum dealt with cold callers when I was young, as well as being really wary of getting scammed. "

Yes, I hate doing that kind of thing too! I think I feel at a total disadvantage as I'm a bit clueless with such things.

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

Interesting question!

It’s one I think about a fair bit. I’m very interested in the subconscious mind. But the thing about the subconscious is that by it’s very nature it is something we cannot be conscious off. We can however see the effects and behaviours that come from the subconscious.

Mindfulness and embodiment are helpful techniques in getting insights into this.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

I know myself pretty well, but that is amplified from the weekly meditation I do combined with yoga. Recognition of toxic behaviours is the first step to rectifying them, although you may mean no harm until you can understand other peoples reactions to your actions friendships can stall x

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By *wist my nipples OP Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"I'm very introspective and I know myself very well. I can recognise my moods and why I'm in a particular mood and patterns of behaviour. Doesn't always help and will still do some things which I really know I shouldn't."

I hear you - identifying it is one thing, trying to alter it a whole different ball game. I'm trying to be more accepting of my changes of mood, rather than trying to "fix" them. Just noting but not always feeling the need to do something about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All I know is that I'm too lazy to even contemplate thinking about this

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By *xmfrvnMan
over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent

Yes, I hate doing that kind of thing too! I think I feel at a total disadvantage as I'm a bit clueless with such things. "

Same, it's been fortunately rare for me to have to do & shakes me out of my comfort zone.

Really interesting question, I was about to click back thinking 'can't be arsed' when I realised I'm quite good when it comes to introspection & things got meta!

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I'm very introspective and know myself very well really. Sadly that tends to just mean that one part of my brain watches on all knowing and saying "I told you so" as the rest of me does something stupid, rather than actually being any use and managing to stop the stupid in it's tracks, but I feel that it's a big step to even have the knowledge of the stupid so I'm ok with that.

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By *wist my nipples OP Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Interesting question!

Mindfulness and embodiment are helpful techniques in getting insights into this. "

I wasn't really thinking of the subconscious, more about being honest with yourself. I have practiced mindfulness and find it very interesting. It helps to anchor me when my brain is spiralling off as it does from time to time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Better than I'd like to admit, but I still manage to find ways to surprise and disappoint myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think we all know ourselves completely, some just choose to ignore certain bits of themselves or hide them....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm very introspective and know myself very well really. Sadly that tends to just mean that one part of my brain watches on all knowing and saying "I told you so" as the rest of me does something stupid, rather than actually being any use and managing to stop the stupid in it's tracks, but I feel that it's a big step to even have the knowledge of the stupid so I'm ok with that. "

Yes I've been there. Like being an outside observer to your own actions but not being able to stop it (an overwhelming compulsion) - it's a weird feeling.

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By *wist my nipples OP Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"I know myself pretty well, but that is amplified from the weekly meditation I do combined with yoga. Recognition of toxic behaviours is the first step to rectifying them, although you may mean no harm until you can understand other peoples reactions to your actions friendships can stall x"

Absolutely. Until you know yourself, you can't see where you may want to take a different approach.

I do sometimes struggle with the mindfulness mantra of observing your thoughts and feelings, rather than trying to change them, set against identifying potentially damaging behaviours/thought patterns. Surely if I can see what I'm doing is hurtful for me or others, I want to change that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually build scenarios in my head of how someone else might react. Sometimes I put myself off from doing something and other times I just think 'fuck it' what will be will be ...

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By *wist my nipples OP Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"All I know is that I'm too lazy to even contemplate thinking about this

Come on, you're not short of thinking skills!

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By *wist my nipples OP Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Oh god yes - bring able to take that step back and observe is a huge thing in and of itself! Don't beat yourself up. We all make poor choices at times x

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By *wist my nipples OP Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Better than I'd like to admit, but I still manage to find ways to surprise and disappoint myself."

Why don't you like to admit it?

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By *wist my nipples OP Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"I think we all know ourselves completely, some just choose to ignore certain bits of themselves or hide them...."

Really? I think some do, and some don't. Sometimes it takes a big event to really make people look at themselves - I've seen it time and again with family and friends, and indeed with me. I don't think it's a case of choice so much as years of behaviour patterns with some people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All I know is that I'm too lazy to even contemplate thinking about this

Come on, you're not short of thinking skills!

Do we really want to open our own Pandora's box though?

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By *wist my nipples OP Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"All I know is that I'm too lazy to even contemplate thinking about this

Come on, you're not short of thinking skills!

Do we really want to open our own Pandora's box though? "

You tell me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m very self reflective and have been since I was a child.

I think ignorance would probably be bliss. To go through your life and not have to acknowledge all the shitty parts. When you reflect on yourself you have to be ready to say “I don’t like that part of me but I’m okay with that”.

Maybe I’m putting forward more of a negative view but there are definitely positives to it!

I’ve just always felt misunderstood and when trying to explain myself through my reflections people have never had the time to listen and put it down.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I think the only person who can truly know you is yourself. It's hard work to understand why you may react in a certain way. And you may surprise yourself occasionally with how much stronger you are when tested. But deep down we all know our own strength and weaknesses.

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By *arbellsWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

"Inspired by Saffron's thread about how well other people know you, I got musing - as I do - about the importance of knowing yourself.

How well do you know yourself? Is it easy, or hard? Are there parts you keep closed off? Do you recognise patterns of behaviour in yourself, whether positive or negative? So many questions!

Mrs TMN x"

Great question OP, made me sit back and think.

I find it really hard if someone is rude to me to just be polite. I'll immediately mimic their behaviour and end up getting wound up and annoyed. It's a very bad habit as it's probably not that personal. Need to shake that! I think I do have parts I hide for sure x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All I know is that I'm too lazy to even contemplate thinking about this

Come on, you're not short of thinking skills!

Do we really want to open our own Pandora's box though? "

I've had my Pandora's box fully open and running wild. Sometimes it'll just find a way to open by itself.

Although I've always been introspective it now helps to keep it open a little bit and stops it getting too crazy. That's the idea anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Inspired by Saffron's thread about how well other people know you, I got musing - as I do - about the importance of knowing yourself.

How well do you know yourself? Is it easy, or hard? Are there parts you keep closed off? Do you recognise patterns of behaviour in yourself, whether positive or negative? So many questions!

Mrs TMN x"

Pretty well actually. I have years of therapy to thank for that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All I know is that I'm too lazy to even contemplate thinking about this

Come on, you're not short of thinking skills!

Do we really want to open our own Pandora's box though?

You tell me!

No. Ignorance is bliss sometimes.

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

I can be a bit stand offish at first when first meeting people

It’s because I am judging people, some people think I am a bit miserable lol

It’s not the case at all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How I react to some things still surprises me.

If I knew myself better I would be in a better place.

I know enough about myself to know that I'm not happy.

At least I'm not in denial

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

When we think we know ourselves is precisely when we stop knowing ourselves. I'm my opinion.

I think we change as people all the time, even if it's just in tiny ways.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When we think we know ourselves is precisely when we stop knowing ourselves. I'm my opinion.

I think we change as people all the time, even if it's just in tiny ways."

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

If I'm honest it took me 40 years to know. But I know what I want from life now .

Wether that's the same thing or not I'm not sure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know exactly who I am.

I reckon anyone who's spent more than an hour on my company has a pretty good idea too

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

My ‘life anchor’ is in the right place and I’m content with that. I do self-reflect at times but it’s not often I feel the need. Even having to adjust my work pattern during Covid hasn’t phased me at all.

I’m one person of three parts:

Me - as In my everyday life and where I’m comfortable and content with my lot!

Work - where the consummate professional kicks in

Fab - my secret life that is totally separated from the two sides of my life above. If there is any friction / self reflection it usually sits within this persona but it’s one that has little bearing upon the ‘real’ me.

I think I know myself pretty well and a few others do too!

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

I’ve done a lot of work on myself over the last 10 years and think I know myself pretty well and am very comfortable in my own skin.

Doesn’t mean to say I always make good choices and I’m probably best described as defensive and prickly to people I don’t know. But I’m aware that I’m a work in progress and take responsibility for my shortcomings x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Better than I'd like to admit, but I still manage to find ways to surprise and disappoint myself.

Why don't you like to admit it?

I think I probably see more of my less desirable traits than anyone else does. I try to keep a lid on that stuff, but it's there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I know myself pretty well, I am aware of my flaws, but also aware of virtues, without being big headed about it. I am well aware of my "darker" side, and where that can and may lead. It can make it easier for me to notice times where I may be slipping or lacking, but that doesn't necessarily help at getting back on track, so to speak.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every day is a surprise or a shock.

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By *luebellRacerCouple
over a year ago

Shropshire

"I think we all know ourselves completely, some just choose to ignore certain bits of themselves or hide them...."

That's very profound!

I sort of agree, or there's aspects of ourselves that we're very aware of but despite this awareness, we're unable to change.

I'm also very different around different people...

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"I’ve done a lot of work on myself over the last 10 years and think I know myself pretty well and am very comfortable in my own skin.

Prickly ..

me too sometimes

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I thought i knew myself pretty well but its a shock to me how much ive changed as ive got older. Im unrecognizable to the person i was 10 years ago

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It's an ongoing challenge

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By *wist my nipples OP Couple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Thanks everyone for your contributions

It's a fascinating subject!

For me, I have to beware thinking that my coping mechanisms will "fix" me. Greater awareness of how I'm wired has definitely been a positive, but that doesn't mean I can necessarily change the more difficult parts. I'm getting better at living with myself and accepting that there will be ups and downs along the way, rather than berating myself for falling into old patterns.

A lifelong work in progress

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Barely scratched the surface. “Who am I?” is an eternal question.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know exactly who and what and where Im going. I know this sounds a bit up myself but it comes from having had a total meltdown several years ago...I mean TOTAL!! I came through it by living solitary in a woodland for 2 years. I know my selves ( borderline personality), I know mostly when things are gonna go bad. Its hard to describe but Im seen as having an analytical mind turned inwards on myself. Everything is processed and worked out, the same way anything ,or one new, is.

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

To be honest no. I think quite often when you have kids you become so focused on them that when they are older and you have all this time the 'what do I want' question can be confusing.

Also been told that I have a lot of walls to get through for people to knlw the 'real' me

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