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Preferred pronouns

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I have a few friends who are trans or non binary and so am maybe a little more mindful of this than most people, but I do try to ask people what their preferred pronouns are.

And I was wondering...those of you who are listed as TV/TS (which in my opinion shouldn't be lumped together I might add), do people ask you? Do you with they did?

And those of you who identify as male but crossdress, which do you prefer people to use when interacting with you here?

What are your preferred pronouns?

Lu

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This confuses me. I wouldn't use 'he / she' when talking to the person. I'd use 'you'.

I wouldn't ask the person either as I'd find that rude. It's personal. If they want to tell me they will.

x

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I tend to just call people by their name

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"This confuses me. I wouldn't use 'he / she' when talking to the person. I'd use 'you'.

I wouldn't ask the person either as I'd find that rude. It's personal. If they want to tell me they will.

x"

Not sure I agree that it's rude to ask...its the one thing I've been told to do time and time again by people who are non binary.

Don't get me wrong, I don't go around asking everyone I meet...but if I discover someone is non binary, I will ask what their preferred pronouns are, so I won't offend them by misgendering them.

Perhaps I wasn't very clear.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

I prefer she on the site, I’m presenting as my female alter ego so although I’m writing this in boy mode I’m still a ‘she’ on the site or in a club (as I only go to clubs as Steph).

I won’t go into great detail about the TV/TS debate but the site does allow anyone who is going through transition to label themselves as they see themselves. So a TS pre or post could avoid the category and state they’re now Female or Male.

By the way happy pride weekend

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By *aastyKnixWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"This confuses me. I wouldn't use 'he / she' when talking to the person. I'd use 'you'.

I wouldn't ask the person either as I'd find that rude. It's personal. If they want to tell me they will.

x

Not sure I agree that it's rude to ask...its the one thing I've been told to do time and time again by people who are non binary.

Don't get me wrong, I don't go around asking everyone I meet...but if I discover someone is non binary, I will ask what their preferred pronouns are, so I won't offend them by misgendering them.

Perhaps I wasn't very clear. "

Surely, if a persons preferred pronoun is anything other than what you might expect, the onus is on them to tell you rather than you having to ask.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This confuses me. I wouldn't use 'he / she' when talking to the person. I'd use 'you'.

I wouldn't ask the person either as I'd find that rude. It's personal. If they want to tell me they will.

x

Not sure I agree that it's rude to ask...its the one thing I've been told to do time and time again by people who are non binary.

Don't get me wrong, I don't go around asking everyone I meet...but if I discover someone is non binary, I will ask what their preferred pronouns are, so I won't offend them by misgendering them.

Perhaps I wasn't very clear. "

Sorry I'm not clear either. I mean *I* would find it rude to ask. Not that it is rude in general.

I think it's my fault for misunderstanding, don't apologise. That makes sense that you'd make the point of asking as your friends have said they want people to ask.

I don't know of any non binary friends. They may be but haven't said. People where I live have barely got their heads round the existence of gay people. Definitely no clue about bisexual. So non binary would blow their minds!

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

Years ago I knew a young man who wanted to become a young lady, as he was progressing I asked what he would like to be called and he told me the name he had chosen, from that moment on that is all I called him and he really appreciated it, that is all he wanted to be identified as.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I prefer she on the site, I’m presenting as my female alter ego so although I’m writing this in boy mode I’m still a ‘she’ on the site or in a club (as I only go to clubs as Steph).

I won’t go into great detail about the TV/TS debate but the site does allow anyone who is going through transition to label themselves as they see themselves. So a TS pre or post could avoid the category and state they’re now Female or Male.

By the way happy pride weekend

"

Happy pride

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"This confuses me. I wouldn't use 'he / she' when talking to the person. I'd use 'you'.

I wouldn't ask the person either as I'd find that rude. It's personal. If they want to tell me they will.

x

Not sure I agree that it's rude to ask...its the one thing I've been told to do time and time again by people who are non binary.

Don't get me wrong, I don't go around asking everyone I meet...but if I discover someone is non binary, I will ask what their preferred pronouns are, so I won't offend them by misgendering them.

Perhaps I wasn't very clear.

Surely, if a persons preferred pronoun is anything other than what you might expect, the onus is on them to tell you rather than you having to ask."

Maybe... I don't have an issue with making a tiny effort though if it makes someone feel more comfortable or accepted. I'd rather go out of my way to make someone smile than hold back because it's not my responsibility.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Years ago I knew a young man who wanted to become a young lady, as he was progressing I asked what he would like to be called and he told me the name he had chosen, from that moment on that is all I called him and he really appreciated it, that is all he wanted to be identified as. "

Had similar experiences myself. Doesn't take much effort from us but is a huge deal for many people.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Theres a lad at the group i help with that wears womens clothes. I dont know if hes just a tv or transitioning but he introduced himself as jessica so thats what i call him. Ive never asked him anything else as its non of my business

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By *aastyKnixWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Theres a lad at the group i help with that wears womens clothes. I dont know if hes just a tv or transitioning but he introduced himself as jessica so thats what i call him. Ive never asked him anything else as its non of my business"

Jessica is the persons name,though,not their pronoun. If Jessica prefers to be referred to as 'she', then Jessica would probably speak up and ask you not to use 'he'.

This seems to be a subject about which we are all supposed to be mind readers when,in my opinion, people who wish to be known by a particular pronoun should just say so.

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By *xmfrvnMan
over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent


"Years ago I knew a young man who wanted to become a young lady, as he was progressing I asked what he would like to be called and he told me the name he had chosen, from that moment on that is all I called him and he really appreciated it, that is all he wanted to be identified as. "


"Theres a lad at the group i help with that wears womens clothes. I dont know if hes just a tv or transitioning but he introduced himself as jessica so thats what i call him. Ive never asked him anything else as its non of my business"

A common problem seems to be people outwardly appearing to accept trans people but continuing to refer to them as 'he/him' suggests you're not entirely on board.

I somewhat agree that the onus is on the person to state what they prefer to be referred to as - almost like asking at a restaurant if something contains nuts as you're allergic - but it's only really relevant in the third person. Conversely it's not a massive ballache to check, is it?

Something I do find trickier to understand is if someone who is non-binary wishes to be referred to as one of the binary genders.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Theres a lad at the group i help with that wears womens clothes. I dont know if hes just a tv or transitioning but he introduced himself as jessica so thats what i call him. Ive never asked him anything else as its non of my business

Jessica is the persons name,though,not their pronoun. If Jessica prefers to be referred to as 'she', then Jessica would probably speak up and ask you not to use 'he'.

This seems to be a subject about which we are all supposed to be mind readers when,in my opinion, people who wish to be known by a particular pronoun should just say so."

Many people don't feel comfortable to speak up...

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