FabSwingers.com forum: When you dont like your child's girlfriend / boyfriend

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I am finding this so difficult at the moment.

my son is 16 and has a girlfriend. Its not so much that I don't like her, but I really don't like her parents.

She has a very different upbringing to my son and their family values and ethics are very different and its causing a clash. I find it hard trying to hold my tongue as my son is smitten with this girl and its his first girlfriend and an important part of growing up.

Her family don't work and don't choose to work. The mother seems to be on facebook all day, responding to my sons posts on facebook. She's 45, I find it odd that she talks like a 16 year old to these kids.

She calls me overprotective because I want to know where he is all the time. He went away for a camping weekend with them and she thought it odd that I wanted to know where he was going, who else was going, what the slkeeping arrangements were.

I always ensure my son has money, they borrow money off him, which I think is disgusting taking money off a 16 year old. But I'm tied cos I can't leave him without money if he goes over there and he's a quiet boy and I feel he's being manipulated. He doesn't want me to step in but I've made subtle comments, on facebook as this is the only way this woman will communicate.

But on Sunday I am going to kill her with my bare hands.... No more mr nice guy. She went on holiday on wedneaday morning, dropping her daughter off at my house to stay for a week, without asking or telling me, without even telling her daughter beforehand, and she's buggered off, noone knows where and she won't answer her phone. I could call the Police and report her for abandonment but that would upset her daughter.

Its really hard when people have different levels of family values

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's a tough one, I feel for you.

But it might be that your son would like to speak up but doesn't know if he's being unreasonable.

I would personally take her to one side and tell her the money borrow stops. I'd also hand her a bill for a week's rent and board and tell her next time, you will go to the police. What if you'd also been away for the week, what would the daft cow have done then?

I think I'd probably also say to your son that you don't want him lending money to them - he may have started off feeling good to be able to and now worrying that he can't say no having started. Perhaps tell him to say he hasn't got enough to lend or that what is left in his wallet he owes to you for buying him a tshirt etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just to add. My first boyfriend, who I was with for 9 years, was not a nice man. My parents knew only a very little of what was going on but they hated him with a passion.

They felt like you - didn't want to interfere. However, particularly towards the end, I wish someone had said something because I'd got into a mindset where I thought things were my fault and that I was being unreasonable in being unhappy with certain behaviours. If someone had reinforced my thoughts that things weren't at all right, I genuinely think I would left earlier than I did.

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

Ohhh deary me I feel your pain. My daugher and I were estrainged pretty much for ten years over a stupid comment my husband made that I got blamed for.We are talking now but I have to be very careful what I say in case it is taken wrongly.

Be careful cos unfortunately he will choose her over you.. If you want to stop the money borrowing thing then encourage her to stay over yours rather than him go there ..make her comfortable and keep to your house rules. He will go off her eventually !! Summer hols are coming so the prospect is 6 weeks with her in your house Oh my GOD ! better have the chat !! Does he mind her being on his FB are you on the daughters ..you may well pick up on how the relationship is progressing. (Is she a nice girl ) Take care dont lose your son for the sake of his first love ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i feel for you... it is very difficult but i would probably think that in time it will fizzle out anyway. it is very rare these days that first relationships become lasting ones.

just keep an eye in him and it and talk to him and guide him.

let him know your concerns in a kind way but also let him know that he is fast becoming an adult and obviously has choices to make.

as for the Facebook thing, surely he can block her or soemthing so she cannot access his profile??? not sure cos i hate it and dont use it..

leaving the daughter and going away is a bad one too and if girl is underage then it could be a police matter. i think the threat of it may make her back off.

goodluck though but if you have bought your son up the right way which it sounds like you have then it will probably wear off and he will find a nice girl instead.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/06/12 09:10:05]

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By *histler21Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

Try social services rather than the police.

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By *ola cubesMan
over a year ago

coatbridge

very hard one for you to go through but as you say your son has different values and the realization will catch up with him somtime then make his own decision. hope it all works out for the best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Will try again.....spelling was horrendous was in fear of speling police

How rude of the woman dumping her daughter on you,what kind of parent does that without knowledge of where they have gone.Maybe reporting her would be a good thing regardless of the childs age,i think its shocking.

As for your son he will eventually see they are using him and hopefully sooner than later,and we all know if we tell our kids we dont want them to see other friends/gf/bf they will do the opp,,good luck and just carry on doing what you do best be there....and go get the stooopid woman as she needs.sorting

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Where is her father while all this is going on?

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I really feel for your son,at 16 and a quiet boy this family are taking the piss out of him (and you) and I know that at that age and falling in love all you want to do is please and feel welcome in the other persons family,even if they do sound as though they belong in an episode of shameless,hes young and vulnerable and its made me angry just reading your post

The money issues aside does he realise how wrong the mother is for dumping the daughter on you? does the daughter also realise this? as much as you don't like to interfere this is'nt something that can be ignored and if you're going to say something then hes possibly going to feel the fallout from it,and none of it is his or the daughters fault

Not a situation I would want to be in and I totally understand how its made you feel,I have a daughter the same age and I know that my OH and I would be absolutely seething if she was being treated in the same way

Seriously good luck in trying to work it all out xx

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By *landleeCouple
over a year ago

near hull

"I really feel for your son,at 16 and a quiet boy this family are taking the piss out of him (and you) and I know that at that age and falling in love all you want to do is please and feel welcome in the other persons family,even if they do sound as though they belong in an episode of shameless,hes young and vulnerable and its made me angry just reading your post

Seriously good luck in trying to work it all out xx "
my son had a girlfriend she lived in wales and tried her uttermost to get him there she tried buying him with expensive presents in the end i intervened and said that aint love she is trying to buy you it was hard i kept giving suttle hints and in the end it worked out was hard time but all worked out in the end and he came to his senses and said mam your right so follow your gut feeling and tell him what you think it will be a hard ride but he will see sense in the end hopefully when he got no money good luck xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is utterly disgusting. If your sons girlfriend is under 16 then you are legally obligated to report this. If you don't you could leave yourself open to prosecution. You can report it anonymously if you feel it is necesssary.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not sure what to advise as i aint in the situation, but the money borrowing has to be nipped in the butt straight away. Why not tell her on facebook that if she has to borrow money to live, then leave the 16 year old alone and come to you for a loan, that she has to pay with interest? shame her into doing the right thing?

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

My eldest met her boyfriend at uni and they moved in together.

My husband and I loathed him...but my daughter never knew...still doesn't. We would invite him to family functions he never came but would text her throughout. My daughter would travel for business and would stop of in Ghana to visit his parents and bring gifts. When they were short I'd stock their cupboards, he never even picked a bunch of wild flowers to say thanks.

When my daughter graduated he was there and in the formal pictures...much to my chagrin.

He was a professional student: three first class degrees in law, computer sciences and engineering and never worked. I hoped my daughter would wake up and smell the coffee. It dawned on her when his dad phoned to say his brother was arriving at Heathrow the following morning for a visit and he arrived with a cousin and his girlfriend to stay in their two bed flat.

They weren't going anywhere so she moved out. My husband and I cheered, but offered support and wiped her tears, but never let on we were overjoyed.

At the same time she was head hunted as her job is very specialised and at an international level a close community. She relocated to Portsmouth Harbour, living in a swanky river front appartment.

Returning home after a weekend visiting us she met a sailor returning from leave in Ireland returning to his ship. He said she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen and said if she got of at his stop he'd talk to her.

They get married in eight weeks. I love him!

He is everything is have wanted for my daughter. He's ex navy, ex marine and now has his own construction company and own his home outright...and he's only 25. He visits, also sees my ex husband...truly lovely.

My daughter will never know how I felt about her ex as I don't want her to question my feelings for her fiancé who I adore.

As for your situation Iconic, I'd report her to social services and the police. I would not take responsibility for a cat, let alone someones child. Be the adult and do what's right for the girl and you...someone needs to as her parents don't seem able to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did your son say it was ok for her to stay ?? its just i know thay like to think thay have a say our kids as thay get older .... He may have said ooo mum will be ok with it all ......... just to look good ... in front of them and the girl-friend and same go for money it makes him look good ... he is doing somthing nice for them . So you go have words with your son before you have a go at them .... its not easy i know teen years i am having some of it too here and its boyfriend stuff and she thinks sun shines out of there bums and his mum and dads and we are the bad people , lol as dont say yes now to everything that comes out of her mouth . BIG HUGS AND i know you will do what ever is best xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You all speak from heart and the truth.

Great parental advises from most of you.

It show how much you love your kids and want the best for them...

But i read this at the start of the post:

"Her family don't work and don't choose to work. The mother seems to be on facebook all day, responding to my sons posts on facebook. She's 45, I find it odd that she talks like a 16 year old to these kids".... Isn't that a bit harsh???

Yes you love your son. you want the best her. But he is free to date who he want and the way you see his partner parents has nothing to do with his feelings for that girl.

Just dont break his heart trying to protect him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The lad has to make his own mistakes in this world or he'll never grow and mature. So far all it's cost is a few quid they've borrowed from him, and a week's food & lodgings for his girlfriend.

Ring the girl's mum and tell her the borrowing stops. Period. Add that you'll only being giving him enough money to get himself home and a few bits and pieces etc but not enough to be lending it out (emphasise that lending without any intention of repaying is fraud.)

Then tell her that her daughter is not your responsibility and if she dumps her on you again you'll turn her away (make it sound convincing even though I suspect you wouldn't turn the girl out).

This battle can be won but only if you come across as tougher than she is. If she spots a chink in your armour she'll drive a wedge in it and prise it open.

As for your lad, you should tell him that there are unsavoury people in this world and as his mum it is your duty to show them to him and her parents fit that bill precisely. Give him the info and let him make his choices, but he must stand by the consequences of them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The lad has to make his own mistakes in this world or he'll never grow and mature. So far all it's cost is a few quid they've borrowed from him, and a week's food & lodgings for his girlfriend.

Then tell her that her daughter is not your responsibility and if she dumps her on you again you'll turn her away (make it sound convincing even though I suspect you wouldn't turn the girl out).

This battle can be won but only if you come across as tougher than she is. If she spots a chink in your armour she'll drive a wedge in it and prise it open.

Well said

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I would go with what Wishy said ( ta, saves me typing )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My mum went through something similar with my brother, we ended up with the girlfriend for about 6months and every Christmas for 3 years. They also ended up with my girlfriend of the time at christmas but i lived the other side of the country and she had no family so a slightly different thing but i did make the mistake of lending her money.

Finding the balance between being firm and being caring is difficult. I'd emphasise to your son that money you give him is his alone and if he lends it to them you won't give him more to replace it. As Wishy said you need to let him make his own mistakes here, tell him what you think the once and leave it at that, he won't thank you for trying to force them apart. He'll come out of this sader but wiser, and the next one will probably be lovely as he won't want to make the same mistakes again!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well the girl is 16, and as I've worked in child protection for 12 years I know the knock on effect it will have if I report her. I will be saying this to the mother when I speak to her, and if it happens again I will have no qualms in doing it.

I'm holding my tongue for my sons sake only. He does seem to get on with them, its a case of no pressure from other peoples parents I think. He does know right from wrong and he knows that they are wrong but he won't say many bad things about them. The facebook thing I don't think he seems to mind it, tho I know he finds it a little weird.

Its the dumping their daughter off to my house, knowing me and his dad are at work and only my son is in, they knew he wasn't at college from wednesday, that has really got to me.

The borrowing money is terrible I think. its not as if he has a lot, I always make sure he's got enough for him and the gf to have various fast food meals to ensure that the mother is not paying for his food out of her money, and he's over there all day on saturdays.

I am struggling with it cos I know it will cause ructions and my son will be stuck in the middle. Even the girl said sorry I'm here to me last night and I could have hugged her. But on the oither hand I'm failing to protect a child, even though she's 16. After all we are in a household with two other men, my OH and my eldest boy, that mother doesn't know who we are etc, its just soi irresponsible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would go with what Wishy said ( ta, saves me typing )"

Me too but also what Frexx said too, don't break his heart trying to protect him.

My son is this age and I'm afraid (as you well know) his heart will rule his head and you'll end up the bad guy. Of course you won't turn this girl away, but perhaps play it from a different angle. She is how she is from a dreadful upbringing, so how about being overly nice to her. Make her welcome, cook for them, allow her to stay. Make your place more attractive than her own. But tell her 'mother' to back right off.

My son once had the erm...attention...of an older woman who plagued him on facebook and flirted. Till I went round and told her politely that once she'd recovered from me braking her legs I'd have her put on the child molesters register.

You have to be tougher than she is, but retain your dignity and the hierarchy. She's low life and in the wrong, you're not.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes I totally agree with Wishy too. My son does need to sort this and I can't interfere too much. Like I said earlier I don't want to report this officially yet as I know what the fall out will be and I don't want the mother to get into trouble, but I don't want her taking the piss either.

They take his clothes too. I bought my son one of those college type jackets, his was from Topman and cost me about £40. He goes over their and comes home without it. Every time he went over I'd say, bring that jacket back, and he'd 'forget'. The icing on the cake was when a photo appeared on facebook of the mother, wearing his bloody jacket. Of course I demanded he bring it back then and he did bring it home. Gotta laugh at the cheek haven't you.

And his Ipod was mysteriously lost at a gig too he said. I've got no proof they've got it, but I wouldn't be surprised

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh my god I'm getting cross with this mother on your behalf? Want me to go round and duff her in?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would go with what Wishy said ( ta, saves me typing )"

Me too but also what Frexx said too, don't break his heart trying to protect him...

I speak from my own case. My mum was over protecting when i moved from my dad to permanently stay with her in Paris. I was 16, started university and we live in a really posh area of paris ( the 7eme for those who know)...I started going out with that girl who was 20 but from a very bad place. Mum was like a police woman questioning what her parents were like...As a result i had enough and jump on a plane back to africa...It took her and dad some real persuasions to make me go back to university..

So please just be careful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The lad has to make his own mistakes in this world or he'll never grow and mature. So far all it's cost is a few quid they've borrowed from him, and a week's food & lodgings for his girlfriend.

Then tell her that her daughter is not your responsibility and if she dumps her on you again you'll turn her away (make it sound convincing even though I suspect you wouldn't turn the girl out).

This battle can be won but only if you come across as tougher than she is. If she spots a chink in your armour she'll drive a wedge in it and prise it open.

Well said

i agree.

then i would go round and duff her up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there with my eldest. It is VERY VERY VERY hard to do as a parent, but the best thing that worked with mine was reverse psychology. All the time we kept on at my son about his 1st GF, it just pushed him closer to her as what we were really doing was deriding/challenging (whatevere you wish to call it) HIS choice in girlfriends. So we sat down and thought about it. His Mum was dead against doing what I suggested, but in about 3 weeks it worked. We changed 180 degrees and welcomed her with open arms, my sons Mum went out of her way to be her bezzie-mate (took her shopping etc etc) and HE hated it so much he dumped her very soon after. At 16 he was looking for a way to challenge US - and that's why he went for a girl who we could see was totally wrong for him, but who suited HIS purpose.

Now I am not suggesting that your son is going out with this girl for the same reason - more like he is over-the-moon to have a GF at all and the more you push against her and her family, the more he will be blind to the reality.

Think about it. You are not the first parents to be in this situation, but you have to keep ahead of the game and out-think your son.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

On the other side though, my son does like this woman and her husband and so they can't be all bad. I'm sure she is nice and I'm just seeing the negative parts.

I'm also quite self aware and do think that cos he's my youngest, am I suffering a little from birds flying the nest syndrome.

But I do think this latest thing is very wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yeh it is wrong. some people take kindness for weakness and will continue to push the boat out

you always come across as a nice level headed lady so if its bothering you that much i`d have a quiet word

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"On the other side though, my son does like this woman and her husband and so they can't be all bad. I'm sure she is nice and I'm just seeing the negative parts.

I'm also quite self aware and do think that cos he's my youngest, am I suffering a little from birds flying the nest syndrome.

But I do think this latest thing is very wrong

This addition to your post gives quite an insight to your son as it sounds like your son just has a little confidence problem in saying no to her, and she's picked up on that. Dropping her daughter on you without warning is just plain rude (and wrong) but play it another way - ring her up and say you had a lovely time keeping her daughter for a few days and that if she ever says she wants a new mum you'll adopt her as she's such a lovely girl. I'd be surprised if this women ever encouraged her to go to yours again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This can go two ways and one way is him running to them even more .. if you upset things to much .. I am having my girl say her boyfeinds mum and dad are the best around and thay do this and that and everything she say and do is right in there eyes .. I do think you have to take care as what ever you say to them will get back to your son .. and he will take sides ... and i know 16 but thay feel thay have there views at that age too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

theres not much you can do about who your kids choose to see

My daughter at 18 came home with a guy in his 40s

lets just say i wasnt impressed but i knew at 18 she could leave home and the last thing i wanted was for me to push her away because of viewing my opinujons over this and her ending up moving in with him, so i said nothing hoping the relationship would blow over

It did, a few weeks later it was over and she was seeing someone else her own age

Sometimes it pays to not kick off because the more you protest the harder they dig their heels in just to show its got nothing to do with you

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Worse thing my mother ever did was tell my to stay away from my boyfriend, i ended up moving in with him and spending four years in a violent relationship rather than prove her right.

WIth callum, although ive been lucky so far with his choices i have just let him get on with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think sometimes you have to let them learn by their one mistakes

The only time i would step in would be if any guy hit one of my girls, and thats not because i dont love them but because kids rarely listenrn to you and think your just interfearing

I called the police out to a guy that was stalker my daughter earlier this year, she finished the relationship and he woulnt accept it so followed her everywhere, he used to sit outseide her work, out side my house, everywhere she went he was there, and shes now going back out with him

i just give up sometimes lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i got the impression the mother was more the issue here, not the GF.

whatever u do dont give him enough money for an engagement ring

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seriously good luck in trying to work it all out xx my son had a girlfriend she lived in wales and tried her uttermost to get him there she tried buying him with expensive presents in the end i intervened and said that aint love she is trying to buy you it was hard i kept giving suttle hints and in the end it worked out was hard time but all worked out in the end and he came to his senses and said mam your right so follow your gut feeling and tell him what you think it will be a hard ride but he will see sense in the end hopefully when he got no money good luck xx"

my oldest son was the same,he in hull the girl was in Wales he went twice to see her and she text him on the way back 2nd time he was bumped he was gutted ,he was 16 at the time now he 18 meet local girl .

sam x

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"The lad has to make his own mistakes in this world or he'll never grow and mature. So far all it's cost is a few quid they've borrowed from him, and a week's food & lodgings for his girlfriend.

Then tell her that her daughter is not your responsibility and if she dumps her on you again you'll turn her away (make it sound convincing even though I suspect you wouldn't turn the girl out).

This battle can be won but only if you come across as tougher than she is. If she spots a chink in your armour she'll drive a wedge in it and prise it open.

Except for one word "unsavoury" - I d prefer to call them "people with different values" in order not to upset your son as he will find it difficult as sitting between two chairs? Otherwise I agree with Wishy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lets be honest tho, as parents are anyone going to be good enough for our kids?

Everytime my girls bring someone home i look for something in then not to like lol Because they are still my little girls and i treat them as such

I am a self confessed nightmear mother lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

The problem is with the mother I think rather than the actual girl, though she does things that I find rude and I'd be horriefied if my kids did it in other peoples houses; coming into the house, going to my fridge and taking food out and eating it, without asking, coming into my bedroom when the door was shut and plugging her straighteners into my wall and staying in there to straighen her hair, walking into my other sons bedroom when he had his door shut and was only wearing boxers. Things like that which I don't like.

The mother though I feel is the irresponsible one. My son and gf and into this emo stuff and wanted me to dye their hair black. I agreed my son could use a wash in wash out thing but that I wouldn't do his gf's without permission from her mum. She got the mum on the phone, and the mum said to me 'oh do what you like to her I don't mind'.

I'm on this facebook cos its a way of knowing what's going on without asking them and pestering them, though sometimes its best not to know . The mother will post things like 'isn't it about time you two settled down and had a baby, things like that. - don't know if she's trying to wind him up, or me up or whether she finds it amusing, maybe it is me being stuffy and snobby, but we're different types of families.

And the gf has already told me that she hasn't any money as her mum told her to ask me for it as me and his dad are both working.

I bite my lip so many times and in a way I don't blame the gf, she's just a kid, but I am going to have a word with the mother, without the two kids knowing and hopefully she"ll be adult and keep it between the two of us rather than blabbing to the kids

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best of luck to you, but in my experience trying to reason with people like that will probably just get you more angry and frustrated. Choose your time and words carefully and don't expect miracles x

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

1. Stop giving your son money. If he has enough to loan out he doesn't need it.

2. Tell him to block the mother on facebook. If he ignores you cut off his internet access.

3. Stop responding to the mother in facebook. It cannot be wrong for her but right for others.

4. Have your son and his g/f meet in your house.

5. If he comes home without his clothes again don't buy him anymore. I suspect he's loaning them out.

6. Stop getting involved or bothered. Before you know it he will see the parents for what they are and either love them more as they are great or stop bothering with them.

7. It's tough if YOU don't like them but you are not going out with their daughter he is.

8. Push him too much and he will go their way.

9. If the daughter is under sixteen and you really didn't say you 'd look after her then involve outside agencies.

10. He will finish with her in his own time.

11. Did you not lay down rules of your house the first time she stayed over?

Maybe she flunked 'plug socket class'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The problem is with the mother I think rather than the actual girl, though she does things that I find rude and I'd be horriefied if my kids did it in other peoples houses; coming into the house, going to my fridge and taking food out and eating it, without asking, coming into my bedroom when the door was shut and plugging her straighteners into my wall and staying in there to straighen her hair, walking into my other sons bedroom when he had his door shut and was only wearing boxers. Things like that which I don't like.

And the gf has already told me that she hasn't any money as her mum told her to ask me for it as me and his dad are both working.

im sorry but if any of my kids friends or boyfriends came into my house and just helped themselves to stuff or walked round my house liked the owned the place they'd be out the door never to come back

Your sons girlfriend or not you dont have to put up with that and id be telling my kids not to bring her back and why, as far as im concerned thats theft, if i knew someone was just going in my fridge and helping themselves to foos id be wondering what else they was helping themselves to when im not looking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"1. Stop giving your son money. If he has enough to loan out he doesn't need it.

that is a fair point, if he can afford to give it them he obviously donrt need it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My eldest met her boyfriend at uni and they moved in together.

When my daughter graduated he was there and in the formal pictures...much to my chagrin.

They weren't going anywhere so she moved out. My husband and I cheered, but offered support and wiped her tears, but never let on we were overjoyed.

At the same time she was head hunted as her job is very specialised and at an international level a close community. She relocated to Portsmouth Harbour, living in a swanky river front appartment.

They get married in eight weeks. I love him!

My daughter will never know how I felt about her ex as I don't want her to question my feelings for her fiancé who I adore.

your soon to be son in law sounds fab ...is his dad single ?????

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you everyone, I do appreciate your advice.

Its so easy to see objectively when its not personal, so hard when its your own kids.

I am conscious that I seem to be constantly telling her not to do things, like the fridge and the walking into bedrooms. I do try and not seem too critical but it must seem like I'm nagging.

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