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"a head to toe appraisal or a double look is quite satisfying "Nowadays I find myself wondering if it's because I look a bit odd.  | |||
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"a head to toe appraisal or a double look is quite satisfying "Then they stop, turn back to you and tell you there's a blob of toothpaste on your forehead. | |||
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"just smile if smile back say Hi how you dooooing...... "You have to say it in an American accent though, or it doesn't count! | |||
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"just smile if smile back say Hi how you dooooing......
You have to say it in an American accent though, or it doesn't count! "That was in American accent translated to English it means get your tits out. | |||
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"Please don’t wolf whistle, it does you no favours with a lot of women. A smile works every time " | |||
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" One would like to express one’s appreciation. " One may wish to do so, but one must consider that this may be unwelcome and that one's opinion is not always required in a stranger's life. | |||
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"Wow, that's now two threads about whether or not it's okay to harass women in public. Spoiler: It's not okay to harass women in public. If you absolutely *must* do something, try to make eye contact. - If you don't get it, leave her alone. - If you do get it, smile, then leave her alone. If in doubt, leave her alone. " Yes, occasionally I compliment people in public. It's usually something like "I really like your (outfit or makeup, never their body), it really suits you". Then I smile and walk away. It might be because I'm a woman of average height with no features that might make me look threatening, but I find keeping it minimal and obligation free (I walk away = I don't want anything from you) gets the best results. (And usually I don't because I appreciate that other people are busy and don't give a flying fuck what I think of them) | |||
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"Wow, that's now two threads about whether or not it's okay to harass women in public. Spoiler: It's not okay to harass women in public. If you absolutely *must* do something, try to make eye contact. - If you don't get it, leave her alone. - If you do get it, smile, then leave her alone. If in doubt, leave her alone. " *applause* Someone give this man a prize! Thankyou | |||
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"Wow, that's now two threads about whether or not it's okay to harass women in public. Spoiler: It's not okay to harass women in public. If you absolutely *must* do something, try to make eye contact. - If you don't get it, leave her alone. - If you do get it, smile, then leave her alone. If in doubt, leave her alone. " This, definitely. I can tell you in great detail how upset it makes my (underage) daughter when she gets whistled at, the van (usually) horn beeped at her or comments made. To those who do it, your chances have changed from never in a million years to never in a billion years. | |||
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"Wow, that's now two threads about whether or not it's okay to harass women in public. Spoiler: It's not okay to harass women in public. If you absolutely *must* do something, try to make eye contact. - If you don't get it, leave her alone. - If you do get it, smile, then leave her alone. If in doubt, leave her alone. " There a yawning chasm between ‘communicate with’ and ‘harass’, just like on the other thread... And yes, I’m in agreement that a wolf whistle is harassment. Just don’t keep grouping all communication and social acknowledgment as harassment. The white knight act is a getting a bit thin. | |||
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"Wow, that's now two threads about whether or not it's okay to harass women in public. Spoiler: It's not okay to harass women in public. If you absolutely *must* do something, try to make eye contact. - If you don't get it, leave her alone. - If you do get it, smile, then leave her alone. If in doubt, leave her alone. This, definitely. I can tell you in great detail how upset it makes my (underage) daughter when she gets whistled at, the van (usually) horn beeped at her or comments made. To those who do it, your chances have changed from never in a million years to never in a billion years." Absolutely this
An interesting watch for those trying to understand: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=b1XGPvbWn0A | |||
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"Wow, that's now two threads about whether or not it's okay to harass women in public. Spoiler: It's not okay to harass women in public. If you absolutely *must* do something, try to make eye contact. - If you don't get it, leave her alone. - If you do get it, smile, then leave her alone. If in doubt, leave her alone. There a yawning chasm between ‘communicate with’ and ‘harass’, just like on the other thread... And yes, I’m in agreement that a wolf whistle is harassment. Just don’t keep grouping all communication and social acknowledgment as harassment. The white knight act is a getting a bit thin. " As long as we can also stop grouping any objection to any behaviour as "not wanting people to interact and killing communication" too, yeah? Because if we acknowledge that some interactions are unwelcome and maybe people should think before they speak... Oh no! The "defend the poor men from having to consider the feelings of others" act also wears thin. | |||
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"Wow" I know right,it works every time, a combination of this and wearing sex panther aftershave makes women unable to resist. | |||
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"Wow I know right,it works every time, a combination of this and wearing sex panther aftershave makes women unable to resist." Works 60% of the time, every time .. | |||
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"Wow, that's now two threads about whether or not it's okay to harass women in public. Spoiler: It's not okay to harass women in public. If you absolutely *must* do something, try to make eye contact. - If you don't get it, leave her alone. - If you do get it, smile, then leave her alone. If in doubt, leave her alone. Yes, occasionally I compliment people in public. It's usually something like "I really like your (outfit or makeup, never their body), it really suits you". Then I smile and walk away. It might be because I'm a woman of average height with no features that might make me look threatening, but I find keeping it minimal and obligation free (I walk away = I don't want anything from you) gets the best results. (And usually I don't because I appreciate that other people are busy and don't give a flying fuck what I think of them)" Yes I have done this too as in complimented and then walked away. "You're looking very lovely today" Some have ignored it, some have smiled and a few even said thank you. No doubt some will think I'm in the wrong for doing that. | |||
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"Wow, that's now two threads about whether or not it's okay to harass women in public. Spoiler: It's not okay to harass women in public. If you absolutely *must* do something, try to make eye contact. - If you don't get it, leave her alone. - If you do get it, smile, then leave her alone. If in doubt, leave her alone. Yes, occasionally I compliment people in public. It's usually something like "I really like your (outfit or makeup, never their body), it really suits you". Then I smile and walk away. It might be because I'm a woman of average height with no features that might make me look threatening, but I find keeping it minimal and obligation free (I walk away = I don't want anything from you) gets the best results. (And usually I don't because I appreciate that other people are busy and don't give a flying fuck what I think of them) Yes I have done this too as in complimented and then walked away. "You're looking very lovely today" Some have ignored it, some have smiled and a few even said thank you. No doubt some will think I'm in the wrong for doing that. " I think it's the best way, depending on how you do it. Some won't appreciate it, that's true. There is a risk in engaging: but obviously we accept that to a point. (We just need that point to be further away from "I want to say this" and closer to "what will they make of it?") | |||
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"Wow, that's now two threads about whether or not it's okay to harass women in public. Spoiler: It's not okay to harass women in public. If you absolutely *must* do something, try to make eye contact. - If you don't get it, leave her alone. - If you do get it, smile, then leave her alone. If in doubt, leave her alone. There a yawning chasm between ‘communicate with’ and ‘harass’, just like on the other thread... And yes, I’m in agreement that a wolf whistle is harassment. Just don’t keep grouping all communication and social acknowledgment as harassment. The white knight act is a getting a bit thin. As long as we can also stop grouping any objection to any behaviour as "not wanting people to interact and killing communication" too, yeah? Because if we acknowledge that some interactions are unwelcome and maybe people should think before they speak... Oh no! The "defend the poor men from having to consider the feelings of others" act also wears thin." Here’s the problem. I’m in agreement with you but wish for a nicer society where people can talk without fear of negative results. I’m not defending poor men but society in general. I come from a background where people help each other, can communicate without harassing, can offer help. If we encourage people to think that all communication is bad we are doomed.. | |||
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"Wow, that's now two threads about whether or not it's okay to harass women in public. Spoiler: It's not okay to harass women in public. If you absolutely *must* do something, try to make eye contact. - If you don't get it, leave her alone. - If you do get it, smile, then leave her alone. If in doubt, leave her alone. There a yawning chasm between ‘communicate with’ and ‘harass’, just like on the other thread... And yes, I’m in agreement that a wolf whistle is harassment. Just don’t keep grouping all communication and social acknowledgment as harassment. The white knight act is a getting a bit thin. As long as we can also stop grouping any objection to any behaviour as "not wanting people to interact and killing communication" too, yeah? Because if we acknowledge that some interactions are unwelcome and maybe people should think before they speak... Oh no! The "defend the poor men from having to consider the feelings of others" act also wears thin. Here’s the problem. I’m in agreement with you but wish for a nicer society where people can talk without fear of negative results. I’m not defending poor men but society in general. I come from a background where people help each other, can communicate without harassing, can offer help. If we encourage people to think that all communication is bad we are doomed.." The fear always existed. Surely we mitigate that by considering how we be less scary? Rather than denying the fear and telling people to get over it. | |||
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"The world would be a very depressing place if people are frightened to speak to each other for fear of being accused of harassment. People are losing social skills and just have their face buried in phones or tablets like zombies and frightened to even make eye contact. " So people can speak how they see fit? So next time I get leered at, I can say what I think rather than being polite and considering his feelings, the way he's not considering mine? | |||
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"The world would be a very depressing place if people are frightened to speak to each other for fear of being accused of harassment. People are losing social skills and just have their face buried in phones or tablets like zombies and frightened to even make eye contact. So people can speak how they see fit? So next time I get leered at, I can say what I think rather than being polite and considering his feelings, the way he's not considering mine?" You do you. | |||
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"As an aside, the whole “communication was better in the old days” is a bit of an exaggeration. Plenty of times it was more about speaking and less about listening, more about saying *something* than saying what’s needed. There was a lot of anguish, even resentment over things that were said. Just because you’re communicating, doesn’t mean you’re doing it right." There still is, especially on these threads! | |||
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"Wow, that's now two threads about whether or not it's okay to harass women in public. Spoiler: It's not okay to harass women in public. If you absolutely *must* do something, try to make eye contact. - If you don't get it, leave her alone. - If you do get it, smile, then leave her alone. If in doubt, leave her alone. This, definitely. I can tell you in great detail how upset it makes my (underage) daughter when she gets whistled at, the van (usually) horn beeped at her or comments made. To those who do it, your chances have changed from never in a million years to never in a billion years." It used to upset me. Now it's just jarring. But communicating like a human, with words, and being mindful of my feelings, is the only way to get anywhere. How shocking | |||
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"The world would be a very depressing place if people are frightened to speak to each other for fear of being accused of harassment. People are losing social skills and just have their face buried in phones or tablets like zombies and frightened to even make eye contact. So people can speak how they see fit? So next time I get leered at, I can say what I think rather than being polite and considering his feelings, the way he's not considering mine? You do you." I will. Fortunately I developed theory of mind and realise that other people show signals to display their inner state. Fortunately I'm considerate enough to take that into account, rather than rudely foisting myself onto others. | |||
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"As an aside, the whole “communication was better in the old days” is a bit of an exaggeration. Plenty of times it was more about speaking and less about listening, more about saying *something* than saying what’s needed. There was a lot of anguish, even resentment over things that were said. Just because you’re communicating, doesn’t mean you’re doing it right." Totally agree... all this "things were better in the old days" stuff is by and large rose-tinted, nostalgia trip bullshit spun up by people who feel disconnected with the modern world. I can sympathise with that feeling, but I also recognise to retreat into some supposed golden age is intellectually dishonest and ultimately pointless. Things weren't amazing just because you were younger and you liked the music. They were different. They'll be different again in thirty years. And again in thirty years after that. We'll eventually all be dead and many people in the forthcoming generations will complain of the changes, droning on that things were so much better in their day. Boring. | |||
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" So no, it didn't make me excited or sexual, it made me feel threatened and worried for my safety. And I'm 50 ffs. " I'm sorry you experienced that. My experience is, wolf whistling is jarring, annoying, unwelcome, and (if it's dark, I'm alone, there's a group, and/or I have no easy means of rapid escape) occasionally threatening. | |||
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"wolf whistling is vile. It was all the in thing when i was younger.But when you are a 14 year old school girl its not a pleasant experience. I used to walk miles out of my way to avoid building sites" Oh i remember walking with a friend - his 15yo daughter was walking ahead of us and was wolf whistled at by builders - he had a right go at the offender shouting that his daughter was still a child | |||
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"I'm 54 years old. If I was dressed up & got a whistle I'd be over the moon! If I was at tesco in jeans & trainers I'd think the whistler was either deluded or taking the piss in which case I'd shake my head sadly & keep walking. At no point would I be offended. " Perhaps it is age related after all. Younger women are more likely to be offended by a whistle it seems. | |||
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"Wow, that's now two threads about whether or not it's okay to harass women in public. Spoiler: It's not okay to harass women in public. If you absolutely *must* do something, try to make eye contact. - If you don't get it, leave her alone. - If you do get it, smile, then leave her alone. If in doubt, leave her alone. There a yawning chasm between ‘communicate with’ and ‘harass’, just like on the other thread... And yes, I’m in agreement that a wolf whistle is harassment. Just don’t keep grouping all communication and social acknowledgment as harassment. The white knight act is a getting a bit thin. " Hear, hear!!! | |||
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"So a thought... often I see a lady out and about and it comes to mind how graceful her lines are. One would like to express one’s appreciation. However, is a wolf whistle a demeaning way of doing so? Often I’m cycling or running past and can’t always stop and say “You’re a very pretty woman”. But is resorting to a wolf whistle a bit crass...?! " My only problem here is ........ Why do you consider it a compliment ? Where is the recesses of your mind do you imagine that all women need YOUR compliments. You are just a stranger. Nothing more. Your word isn't valued because you are male anymore than it mine is because i'm female. Women do NOT owe you pretty ..... it really does fucking infuriate me I wish it didn't. I get irate because people can't see it. Let's imagine I go past this woman .... she doesn't know me... I slow down on my bike to tell her I admire her curves and think she's beautiful ? How would that be recieved? Why don't you find an old man or woman that need help with carrying something or decorating the house.... People are more than pretty. You are like a lot of men that think someone they find attractive will be honoured. No. They are not honoured cos you think they are pretty or have a good body. Jesus. | |||
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"I'm 54 years old. If I was dressed up & got a whistle I'd be over the moon! If I was at tesco in jeans & trainers I'd think the whistler was either deluded or taking the piss in which case I'd shake my head sadly & keep walking. At no point would I be offended. Perhaps it is age related after all. Younger women are more likely to be offended by a whistle it seems. " Jeeze really. I don't think its age related at all. I'm 50... For me in my real life outside of Fab i expect to be treated with respect and acknowledged as a person... Not a walking sex object  | |||
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"I quite like a cheeky wolf whistle. But I’m the odd one out." I never saw it as a big deal either... these days I'm surprised people dare interact at all. | |||
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"Is this thread for real? A new low for Fabswingers forums? OP, harassing women is never OK. It's not illegal but there is a drive to make wolf whistling a hate crime in the UK, based on the fact that it's misogyny of the highest order. Honestly, I can't believe I read the OP and that it hasn't been taken down. (mods, please don't ban me again)" Are you for real? | |||
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"I'm 54 years old. If I was dressed up & got a whistle I'd be over the moon! If I was at tesco in jeans & trainers I'd think the whistler was either deluded or taking the piss in which case I'd shake my head sadly & keep walking. At no point would I be offended. Perhaps it is age related after all. Younger women are more likely to be offended by a whistle it seems. Jeeze really. I don't think its age related at all. I'm 50... For me in my real life outside of Fab i expect to be treated with respect and acknowledged as a person... Not a walking sex object "That doesn't mean that ALL older women are ok with it, I'm making an observation that it seems that the few women who say it's fine to be sold whistled happen to be older rather than younger. | |||
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"Wow, that's now two threads about whether or not it's okay to harass women in public. Spoiler: It's not okay to harass women in public. If you absolutely *must* do something, try to make eye contact. - If you don't get it, leave her alone. - If you do get it, smile, then leave her alone. If in doubt, leave her alone. Yes, occasionally I compliment people in public. It's usually something like "I really like your (outfit or makeup, never their body), it really suits you". Then I smile and walk away. It might be because I'm a woman of average height with no features that might make me look threatening, but I find keeping it minimal and obligation free (I walk away = I don't want anything from you) gets the best results. (And usually I don't because I appreciate that other people are busy and don't give a flying fuck what I think of them)" I have a very striking winter coat that I love very much, and I used to get passing compliments on it all the time, almost always from women but occasionally from men. As you say, it’s in passing and they do carry on their way immediately. But that always put a smile on my face, because it wasn’t a comment on my body or my looks, it was appreciation for one of my favourite items of clothing and by extension, a compliment on my taste in clothes. But that’s literally the only kind of comment I want to receive when I’m just going about my day. | |||
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"Wow, that's now two threads about whether or not it's okay to harass women in public. Spoiler: It's not okay to harass women in public. If you absolutely *must* do something, try to make eye contact. - If you don't get it, leave her alone. - If you do get it, smile, then leave her alone. If in doubt, leave her alone. There a yawning chasm between ‘communicate with’ and ‘harass’, just like on the other thread... And yes, I’m in agreement that a wolf whistle is harassment. Just don’t keep grouping all communication and social acknowledgment as harassment. The white knight act is a getting a bit thin. " I don’t think the men who ask these questions are interested in “communicating” though. He’s not white knighting, he’s being a good ally. | |||
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"Wow, that's now two threads about whether or not it's okay to harass women in public. Spoiler: It's not okay to harass women in public. If you absolutely *must* do something, try to make eye contact. - If you don't get it, leave her alone. - If you do get it, smile, then leave her alone. If in doubt, leave her alone. There a yawning chasm between ‘communicate with’ and ‘harass’, just like on the other thread... And yes, I’m in agreement that a wolf whistle is harassment. Just don’t keep grouping all communication and social acknowledgment as harassment. The white knight act is a getting a bit thin. I don’t think the men who ask these questions are interested in “communicating” though. He’s not white knighting, he’s being a good ally." Agreed | |||
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"As an aside, the whole “communication was better in the old days” is a bit of an exaggeration. Plenty of times it was more about speaking and less about listening, more about saying *something* than saying what’s needed. There was a lot of anguish, even resentment over things that were said. Just because you’re communicating, doesn’t mean you’re doing it right. Totally agree... all this "things were better in the old days" stuff is by and large rose-tinted, nostalgia trip bullshit spun up by people who feel disconnected with the modern world. I can sympathise with that feeling, but I also recognise to retreat into some supposed golden age is intellectually dishonest and ultimately pointless. Things weren't amazing just because you were younger and you liked the music. They were different. They'll be different again in thirty years. And again in thirty years after that. We'll eventually all be dead and many people in the forthcoming generations will complain of the changes, droning on that things were so much better in their day. Boring." My mother is 76. The stories of harassment that she can tell are even worse than mine. You’re quite right that things weren’t necessarily better in “the old days”, in fact in some ways they were worse. Women just had to put up with it quietly then, and we don’t have to now, and that’s the real difference. | |||
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"wolf whistling is vile. It was all the in thing when i was younger.But when you are a 14 year old school girl its not a pleasant experience. I used to walk miles out of my way to avoid building sites" I was only thinking yesterday about how old I was when I learned to be afraid of builders. I was 12. My niece is that age now. I don’t want her to have the same experiences I did. | |||
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"The human race will lose the ability to communicate in any other medium other than remotely and electronically at this rate by 6:15 on 25th June 2031 You can arrange to meet strangers for sex via the internet but you throw a wobbly if someone smiles at you in the street and says “ you’re handsome / pretty “ . The oxymoron of it all ! " I think the clear inability displayed here to tell the difference between street harassment and a polite introduction is more the issue. | |||
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"As an aside, the whole “communication was better in the old days” is a bit of an exaggeration. Plenty of times it was more about speaking and less about listening, more about saying *something* than saying what’s needed. There was a lot of anguish, even resentment over things that were said. Just because you’re communicating, doesn’t mean you’re doing it right. Totally agree... all this "things were better in the old days" stuff is by and large rose-tinted, nostalgia trip bullshit spun up by people who feel disconnected with the modern world. I can sympathise with that feeling, but I also recognise to retreat into some supposed golden age is intellectually dishonest and ultimately pointless. Things weren't amazing just because you were younger and you liked the music. They were different. They'll be different again in thirty years. And again in thirty years after that. We'll eventually all be dead and many people in the forthcoming generations will complain of the changes, droning on that things were so much better in their day. Boring. My mother is 76. The stories of harassment that she can tell are even worse than mine. You’re quite right that things weren’t necessarily better in “the old days”, in fact in some ways they were worse. Women just had to put up with it quietly then, and we don’t have to now, and that’s the real difference." I dont for one minute think things where better. Ive been wolf whistled, leared at, touched up in fact pinching a girls arse was quite the norm Guys thought it was funny to goose women. Ive had my boobs grabbed untold harresement at school because i was developed early. I worked a bar for 8 years and had all the leery touching up. I also had a guy when i worked at the hospital think it was ok to lie in wait for me and wank in front of me. I was 25 and noticably pregnant (I won but thats another story). So i certainly dont see things through rose coloured spectacles | |||
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"The human race will lose the ability to communicate in any other medium other than remotely and electronically at this rate by 6:15 on 25th June 2031 You can arrange to meet strangers for sex via the internet but you throw a wobbly if someone smiles at you in the street and says “ you’re handsome / pretty “ . The oxymoron of it all ! " I wonder why you think anyone needs to tell a stranger they’re pretty? Why do you need to comment on someone’s appearance at all? Compliment their shoes or their hairstyle or something they’ve chosen and have control over if you have to compliment anything at all. Or maybe don’t interrupt someone who has somewhere to be for your personal gratification. You complain that we don’t want to talk to people but we’ll meet a stranger for sex from the internet (ironically while you yourself are on the internet to meet strangers for sex), but most of us choose who we’re willing to communicate with here as well, and a rude or harassing approach doesn’t get a positive response in writing either. | |||
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"Is this thread for real? A new low for Fabswingers forums? OP, harassing women is never OK. It's not illegal but there is a drive to make wolf whistling a hate crime in the UK, based on the fact that it's misogyny of the highest order. Honestly, I can't believe I read the OP and that it hasn't been taken down. (mods, please don't ban me again)" All of this. Especially that last sentence, as I'm only just back from my own five-day forum suspension. (Was it related to this topic? Who knows. Admins won't tell me.) I'd like to say thank you to _naswingdress, BluebellRacer, Adam1971, _uriouscouple83, _ljam, Diamondsmiles, Midnight Fetish, Granny-Crumpet, Beyond Purity, _elshkinky, LukeThighWalker, Dirty Pretty, and Lacey_Red. All of you clearly understand what's going on here. You've made some great, perceptive and empathetic posts here. I'm especially grateful to those you who fought my corner while I've been suspended. I'm really sorry that so many of you have had such scary, stressful and unpleasant experiences. Some people are genuinely awful. "I come from a background where people help each other, can communicate without harassing" You don't get to decide that. The person you're harassing gets to decide that. Intent does not trump impact. See also: Millennia of bullies trying to hide behind "You're being too sensitive", "It was a compliment", "I was just being nice", "I was only joking", "It was just a bit of fun", "I'm 'sorry' *you* felt that way", "Maybe if you don't react, we'll stop"... "Younger women are more likely to be offended by a whistle it seems." No. Younger women are more likely to feel able to speak up about the mistreatment they're receiving. "The white knight act is a getting a bit thin." Oh dear. What a shame. Never mind. Ask yourself: What is it you don't like? a) Women being treated with respect. b) People advocating that women be treated with respect. c) The light that such advocacy casts on your own behaviour. Try harder, be better, and don't waste your time shooting the messengers. Ugh. | |||
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