FabSwingers.com forum: Little giggle dad jokes

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Omg I have just been struck by lightning while sitting on the loo

It was a real shock to the cistern

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Started to eat fabric softener, I know it’s bizarre but the doctor reckons is just comfort eating

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I dated a girl who worked at a brewery, she only had one leg.

She was in charge of the Hops

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

I'll tell you tomorrow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being a mirror salesman is a career I really see myself in

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

What has 12 wheels and flies?

Two council bin lorries

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist camp?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I sent my photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely.

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By *oublethefunMan
over a year ago

royston

What's a coffin & a jurex got in common!!!. If your cumming or going your stiff in both.

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Who is the most popular guy at the nudist camp?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Who is the most popular guy at the nudist camp?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

You want a coffee then lmao

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Who is the most popular guy at the nudist camp?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

And the most popular girl is the one who can eat the last donut

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just been charged with GBH on a guy

My solicitors say it’s serious as I was carrying a sander. I said I was only going to rough him up

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By *chooloffilthWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

I asked my wife if I was the only one she'd been with.

She said yes, all the others have been nines & tens

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two crisps were walking down the road, a car pulled up to them and asked if they’d like a lift. They replied no, we’re walkers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Godfrey.

Godfrey who?

Godfrey hairs on my chest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If two vegans have an argument is it beef? No

Its a quornfrontation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Who is the most popular guy at the nudist camp?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

And the most popular girl is the one who can eat the last donut

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jesus walks into a hotel puts 4 nails on counter, and asks "can you put me up for the night"

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

A man walked into a bar.. Ouch !

It was an iron bar

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By *ookMan
over a year ago

london

With all this hoarding going on I just gambled on getting meat from the supermarket but failed... The steaks were too high!

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

My grandfather continually tried to warn people that the Titanic would sink but no one listened..

But he wasn't deterred and time after time he repeatedly kept on warning them nonetheless !!

Until they eventually got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

I so needed to find this today

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A husband turns to his wife and says, come on, me, you and the dog are off fishing.

Wife says "i dont want too"

Husband tells her "we there are three choices, a blow job, shag your arse or fishing"

The wife agreed to a blow job and got on her knees, she wrapped her mouth around his cock and instantly pulled away gagging

"Your cock tastes of shit" the wife stated

The husband replied "the dog didnt want to go fishing either"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Got one as my status that made me giggle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love a dad joke! I’m saving this thread for later

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

"Got one as my status that made me giggle

Love a good shindig

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By *ockosaurusMan
over a year ago

Warwick

I saw Elvis in B&Q this morning.

He returned a sander.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Got one as my status that made me giggle

Love a good shindig

You can come to mine. Clothes are optional of course

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If two vegans have an argument is it beef? No

Its a quornfrontation"

Thats even funnier after what i learnt today haha

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By *reywolf_18Man
over a year ago

ayr

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My wife is angry at the fact I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I told the wife I was stopping up all night to stargaze.. She said are you sirius

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By *ockosaurusMan
over a year ago

Warwick

"When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent!

So meta!

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

[Removed by poster at 23/09/20 19:26:26]

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan
over a year ago

Rochester, Kent

Young lad and his Grandad enjoy playing the lottery together every weekend. One day, they win £50.

Grandad says ‘Are you grown up enough that you can touch your dick on your arse?’

Lad says ‘No, I can’t’

Grandad tells him he’s too young to play the lottery, and he keeps all the money.

A few years later, they win £10,000

Lad says to Grandad ‘Can you touch your dick on your arse?’

Grandad says ‘Yes, I can!’

Lad says ‘Well, go fuck yourself’

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By *cotsguyyMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.

11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

Sold my vacuum because it was just gathering dust

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

I told my mate and his other half, "My partner sucks!"

She said "You're a nasty fucker."

He said "You're a lucky fucker."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man boards a plane with six kids. After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, "Are all of those kids yours?" He replies, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac ?

He used to lie awake at night, wondering if there really was a dog !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Loving these.

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By *asilyled1Man
over a year ago

ogmore valley

"A husband turns to his wife and says, come on, me, you and the dog are off fishing.

Wife says "i dont want too"

Husband tells her "we there are three choices, a blow job, shag your arse or fishing"

The wife agreed to a blow job and got on her knees, she wrapped her mouth around his cock and instantly pulled away gagging

"Your cock tastes of shit" the wife stated

The husband replied "the dog didnt want to go fishing either"

Fuck this has got me giggling

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By *ffit101Man
over a year ago

Cork and West Cork

Whats blue and smells like red paint?.........blue paint

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

I WENT TO THE DOCTORS EARLIER TODAY WITH HEARING PROBLEMS.

HE SAID:"CAN YOU DESCRIBE THE SYMPTOMS?"

I SAID: "HOMERS A FAT GUY & MARGE HAS BLUE HAIR!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I WENT TO THE DOCTORS EARLIER TODAY WITH HEARING PROBLEMS.

HE SAID:"CAN YOU DESCRIBE THE SYMPTOMS?"

I SAID: "HOMERS A FAT GUY & MARGE HAS BLUE HAIR!"

Hahahaha brilliant

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

What Shakespeare play has been banned...seven gentlemen of Corona

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

What is Forrest Gump's computer password?1forrest1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A dyslexic pimp bought a warehouse

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By *issitCouple
over a year ago

Banbury

What do you call a row of men waiting for a haircut?

A barbecue!

And

What did the cheese say to himself in the mirror?

Hallo me!

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Which cheeses give you wind ..bries

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Pungent: is a dad who tells rotten jokes!

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

A man goes to a £10 sex worker and contracts crabs.

When he goes back to complain, the sex worker laughs and says: "What do you expect for ten pounds? Lobster?"

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says:

"Looks like you blew a seal."

"No!" the penguin insists.

It's just ice cream!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't trust atoms... They make up everything

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong sock this morning!

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

Two souls floating up to heaven saw a couple of eagles fly by.

"Ah, eagles!", the souls exclaimed.

The eagles were too polite to reply.

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

A horse walks into a bar ,the barman says why the long face

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

Doctor doctor i feel like a pair of curtains,pull yourself together man

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

Q: What do you call a computer that sings?

A: A-Dell!

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent?

"Show me the honey!"

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By *elshcouple18Couple
over a year ago

Cardiff

Why did sally fall off the swing?

Because she has no arms.

Knock knock!

Who's there??

Well, it can't be sally!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where's Nowhereman?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The worlds tallest man and a dwarf have been on a murderous rampage....

Police are looking high and low for them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Where's Nowhereman?"

It's okay, I found him.

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By *atcherwankerMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Did you hear about the award winning scarecrow? It was out standing in it's field.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Who is the most popular guy at the nudist camp?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

And who’s the most popular lady at the same nudist camp ?

The lady who can eat the last donuts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Who is the most popular guy at the nudist camp?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

And who’s the most popular lady at the same nudist camp ?

The lady who can eat the last donuts

The one with the massive tits?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Went to the doctor's yesterday...

I said I feel like a snooker ball doctor

He replied get too the end of the cue

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says:

"Looks like you blew a seal."

"No!" the penguin insists.

It's just ice cream!"

Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party ?

To find a tight seal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to be a father to tell Dad jokes.

Otherwise it's a feuax pa...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get if you cross an octopus and a turkey?

I don’t know, but the whole family can have a leg at Christmas.

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By *lint-EverhardMan
over a year ago

Perpignan and cap

A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a pint of beer and a mop.

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By *redjMan
over a year ago

gloucestershire

2 women riding their bikes down a cobbled street and one turns to the other and says “this is a nice street, I’ve never cum this way before” me neither replies the other woman

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By *redjMan
over a year ago

gloucestershire

Little boy and girl in the swimming pool and the boy says “I’m going to duck you in a minute” so the little girl replies “ you’re bloody not, you can’t even say it properly”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

3 grannies at a bus stop and a streaker runs past waving his tackle at them.

The first granny has a stroke, the second has a stroke but the third one can’t reach.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

heres a site for sore eyes

conjunctivitis.com

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you tell the sex of an ant?

Drop it in water if it sinks it’s a girl ant.

If it floats it’s boyant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

(Works best thinking of a broad Scottish accent while reading this one)

Di yi want tae hear a dirty joke? Joke the coal man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some of them are right howlers

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Philosophy: Why???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

PMS jokes aren't funny.period

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By *asilyled1Man
over a year ago

ogmore valley

"How do you tell the sex of an ant?

Drop it in water if it sinks it’s a girl ant.

If it floats it’s boyant "

Yes young man yes!!

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By *iking-RaiderMan
over a year ago

suffolk

Did you hear the owner of Dulux died climbing a mountain?

Police say he could have done with another coat

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Did you hear the owner of Dulux died climbing a mountain?

Police say he could have done with another coat "

...and the judge just glossed over the coroner's report

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By *iking-RaiderMan
over a year ago

suffolk

"Did you hear the owner of Dulux died climbing a mountain?

Police say he could have done with another coat

...and the judge just glossed over the coroner's report"

The whole thing made me very emulsional...

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

It was no wonder the mourners were riding in Rollers.

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By *easide funMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire Coast

I farted in a lift once.

It was wrong on so many levels.

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

John Wayne Bobbit has opened a vegan restaurant in Los Angeles.

It's called No Meat & Two Veg.

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By *osie xWoman
over a year ago

wolverhampton

Two birds sitting in a perch

The one says’ Can you smell fish?’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two snowmen standing in a field. One says to the other...

Can you smell carrots?

The other replies...

Holy shit a talking snowman!

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

If two vegans have an argument is it a beef ?

No it's a quornfrontation.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

A worried elderly woman calls her husbands mobile after hearing the news on the radio because she knows he is driving home and is worried.

Wife.. Please be careful on the road today! I have just heard on the radio that there is a driver going the wrong way down the M6 motorway.

Husband.. Oh, it's not just one. There are hundreds of the buggers !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the bookcase that caught Covid?

It had to shelf isolate.

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By *ed-monkeyCouple
over a year ago

Hailsham

"Did you hear the owner of Dulux died climbing a mountain?

Police say he could have done with another coat

...and the judge just glossed over the coroner's report

The whole thing made me very emulsional..."

I'm satin the chair wondering if adding to this would be like treading on eggshell

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

I was offered a job at a radio shop.

Turned it down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Did you hear about the bookcase that caught Covid?

It had to shelf isolate."

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

My four year old nephew has been learning Spanish. He can't even say please. I think it's poor for four.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A young boy came home from school and told his mother, "I had a big fight with my classmate. He called me a sissy." The mother asked, "What did you do?" The boy replied, "I hit him with my purse!"

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By *EXY_PILOTMan
over a year ago

Manchester, North West, UK

Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!

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By *EXY_PILOTMan
over a year ago

Manchester, North West, UK

What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish!

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By *EXY_PILOTMan
over a year ago

Manchester, North West, UK

[Removed by poster at 26/09/20 18:20:47]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 satellites get married.

Wedding wasnt much but the reception was bloody brilliant!

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By *EXY_PILOTMan
over a year ago

Manchester, North West, UK

What do you call a donkey with only three legs? A wonkey!

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By *EXY_PILOTMan
over a year ago

Manchester, North West, UK

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

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By *EXY_PILOTMan
over a year ago

Manchester, North West, UK

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta!

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By *EXY_PILOTMan
over a year ago

Manchester, North West, UK

A Vicks VapoRub truck overturned on the highway this morning. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two crisps are walking down the road, a car pulls up to them and ask, do you want a lift? They replied no - we’re walkers

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Someone from Brazil can be totally fluent in English until they see a sign saying "push" on it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are 2 types of pwople in this world. Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that understand binary and those that don't

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

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By *addy7.5x6Man
over a year ago

High Wycombe

"What has 12 wheels and flies?

Two council bin lorries

What has wings but can't fly?

A prison.

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Two fish in a tank.

One says to the other...

"Do you know how to drive this?"

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By *addy7.5x6Man
over a year ago

High Wycombe

60% of men have bisexual leanings, 30% are seriously thinking about it, and 20% can't do simple arithmetic.

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By *addy7.5x6Man
over a year ago

High Wycombe

When I admitted to my wife I'd had a fling with a woman at work, she admitted she'd had one too. With B company, 2nd battalion, The Rifles.

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