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So a lot of ladies say....

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By *hat Bloke OP   Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

...make me laugh and go to the top of the list. Me being me, I will send a joke to see if I can get a giggle. But then I thought why not share a joke with everyone. So:

A man walks into a bar

Ouch he cries

It was an iron bar!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is the joke coming later?

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By *icearmsMan
over a year ago

KIDLINGTON

My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.. I had to put my foot down..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/08/20 09:21:45]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Please tell me you don't send joke like this! I think they don't mean jokes as such but a funny personality. Chat and make them laugh.

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

You are now at the top of my list, OP.

Prepare yourself.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

I love daft jokes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Them birds who say that are usually the sort of birds who in real life get left on a night out and only come in here for attention .

Or they wanna new career as a kids entertainer

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity


"Is the joke coming later? "

now that's funny

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By *asilyled1Man
over a year ago

ogmore valley

Ok here goes. How do you turn a duck into a soul singer??

Put it in the oven until it’s Bill Withers

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity


"Them birds who say that are usually the sort of birds who in real life get left on a night out and only come in here for attention .

Or they wanna new career as a kids entertainer"

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Yeah it has to be a good joke though but no class clowns.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"...make me laugh and go to the top of the list. Me being me, I will send a joke to see if I can get a giggle. But then I thought why not share a joke with everyone. So:

A man walks into a bar

Ouch he cries

It was an iron bar!!

"

Made me smile so thanks

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place


"Them birds who say that are usually the sort of birds who in real life get left on a night out and only come in here for attention .

Or they wanna new career as a kids entertainer"

Birds!? Have I wandered back to the seventies?

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Why didnt the Melons get married??

Because they Cantaloupe

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By *hav02Man
over a year ago

Glasgow/London

Horse and a chicken are out in the meadows. Horse falls into the quicksand. Horse says, help! help!

So chicken, unable to locate the farmer, drives the farmer's BMW over , Chucks the rope over the horse and pulls horse out... Happy days!

Few days later, chicken falls into the quicksand. Chicken says, help! Help! So horse, unable to locate the farmer, thinks "i can do this". Stands over the chicken and tells chicken to hold onto his penis; he successfully pulls chicken out.

.

Moral of the story: you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks if you're hung like a horse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get if you cross a cow, a sheep and a baby goat?

A milky Baaaa Kid

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity


"What do you get if you cross a cow, a sheep and a baby goat?

A milky Baaaa Kid "

Why did I giggle at this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do you get if you cross a cow, a sheep and a baby goat?

A milky Baaaa Kid

Why did I giggle at this "

Because it's absolutely hilarious??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a friend called Claire Lee, she was kind, funny and sexy but we always seemed to be in a relationship when the other wasn't, never single at the same time so we kept it as a very close friendship.

But then I met Lorraine, she seemed amazing at first, we eventually got engaged and planned our wedding together, that's when she revealed her true colours, hateful and jealous of my friendship with Claire (who by this point was single again ) anyway we stayed together right up until the wedding day.

On the wedding Lorraine didn't come, left me at the alter, she ran off with another man.

Rather than being sad about it I was relieved and very hopeful. So I ran to Claires house and declared my love for her.

I'm so happy.....

I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Them birds who say that are usually the sort of birds who in real life get left on a night out and only come in here for attention .

Or they wanna new career as a kids entertainer

Birds!? Have I wandered back to the seventies? "

And I hate being left on a night out. GIVE ME ATTENTION!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you get if you cross an 8ft Scotsman and a cheese burger?

A Big Mac

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had a friend called Claire Lee, she was kind, funny and sexy but we always seemed to be in a relationship when the other wasn't, never single at the same time so we kept it as a very close friendship.

But then I met Lorraine, she seemed amazing at first, we eventually got engaged and planned our wedding together, that's when she revealed her true colours, hateful and jealous of my friendship with Claire (who by this point was single again ) anyway we stayed together right up until the wedding day.

On the wedding Lorraine didn't come, left me at the alter, she ran off with another man.

Rather than being sad about it I was relieved and very hopeful. So I ran to Claires house and declared my love for her.

I'm so happy.....

I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone.

"

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By *hat Bloke OP   Man
over a year ago

Harrogate


"Ok here goes. How do you turn a duck into a soul singer??

Put it in the oven until it’s Bill Withers "

Hahaha love it!!

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

A man walks into a pub.

Ouch!

It was an iron pub.

I'm not very good at telling jokes.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"What do you get if you cross a cow, a sheep and a baby goat?

A milky Baaaa Kid

Why did I giggle at this

Because it's absolutely hilarious?? "

I found the fact you said that more funny

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By *hat Bloke OP   Man
over a year ago

Harrogate


"...make me laugh and go to the top of the list. Me being me, I will send a joke to see if I can get a giggle. But then I thought why not share a joke with everyone. So:

A man walks into a bar

Ouch he cries

It was an iron bar!!

Made me smile so thanks "

I ask no more than that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do you get if you cross a cow, a sheep and a baby goat?

A milky Baaaa Kid

Why did I giggle at this

Because it's absolutely hilarious??

I found the fact you said that more funny "

What that it was hilarious?

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By *hat Bloke OP   Man
over a year ago

Harrogate


"I had a friend called Claire Lee, she was kind, funny and sexy but we always seemed to be in a relationship when the other wasn't, never single at the same time so we kept it as a very close friendship.

But then I met Lorraine, she seemed amazing at first, we eventually got engaged and planned our wedding together, that's when she revealed her true colours, hateful and jealous of my friendship with Claire (who by this point was single again ) anyway we stayed together right up until the wedding day.

On the wedding Lorraine didn't come, left me at the alter, she ran off with another man.

Rather than being sad about it I was relieved and very hopeful. So I ran to Claires house and declared my love for her.

I'm so happy.....

I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone.

"

Masterful work lol

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By *icearmsMan
over a year ago

KIDLINGTON

Apparently you can't use beefsoup as a password...

It's just not stroganof

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What kind of bees make milk?

Boo-bees

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity


"What kind of bees make milk?

Boo-bees "

Oh dear

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By *icearmsMan
over a year ago

KIDLINGTON

My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.

He just can’t part with it.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

What do you get if you cross a beetroot soup with a sports car ..a porscht

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By *hat Bloke OP   Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

Well I don’t know about you folk but reading these has really brightened my morning lol

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford


"Horse and a chicken are out in the meadows. Horse falls into the quicksand. Horse says, help! help!

So chicken, unable to locate the farmer, drives the farmer's BMW over , Chucks the rope over the horse and pulls horse out... Happy days!

Few days later, chicken falls into the quicksand. Chicken says, help! Help! So horse, unable to locate the farmer, thinks "i can do this". Stands over the chicken and tells chicken to hold onto his penis; he successfully pulls chicken out.

.

Moral of the story: you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks if you're hung like a horse "

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By *asygoingguy82Man
over a year ago

bognor

What's E.T short for?

Cos he's got short legs

Sorry in advance

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By *icearmsMan
over a year ago

KIDLINGTON

A Lion never cheats on their wife. But a Tiger Wood.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Good work daft joke tellers

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By *icearmsMan
over a year ago

KIDLINGTON

What do you call a bearded vase maker?

Hairy potter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What would you call a blind stag?

No eye deer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"...make me laugh and go to the top of the list. Me being me, I will send a joke to see if I can get a giggle. But then I thought why not share a joke with everyone. So:

A man walks into a bar

Ouch he cries

It was an iron bar!!

Bobby Davro eat your heart out

"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A German guy approaches a lady of the night.

Long

'I vish to buy sex wit you.'

'OK,' says the girl, 'I charge 20 an hour.'

'..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.'

'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do little kinky.'

So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. 'I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees.' The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees. 'Now you vill get on your hans und knees.'

She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.

'You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you.'

She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.

The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say 'That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?'

'Ah,' says the German 'dat is de Four-sprung Duck technique.

Thank you, I'm here til Midday, try the pork.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North


"...make me laugh and go to the top of the list. Me being me, I will send a joke to see if I can get a giggle. But then I thought why not share a joke with everyone. So:

A man walks into a bar

Ouch he cries

It was an iron bar!!

"

I bet your knee deep in clunge with this approach OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is the joke coming later? "

That is funny!!!!

T

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What would you call a blind stag?

No eye deer "

What do you call a blind stag with no legs?

Still no eye deer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What would you call a blind stag?

No eye deer

What do you call a blind stag with no legs?

Still no eye deer"

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

What do you get if you combine bondage, bestiality and necrophilia?

Flogging a dead horse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do you get if you combine bondage, bestiality and necrophilia?

Flogging a dead horse "

Shall definitely keep that one!

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

What's the smallest pub in the world?

The Thalidomide Arms

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a man walking through a pile of leaves?

Russel!

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

What do you call a man with a number plate on his head?

Reg!

What do you call a dead man with a number plate on his head?

Ex-Reg

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to play the triangle in a reggae band.

Had to leave though, was just one ting after another

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Should get an open mic night going for all the comedians on here. I'll be top bananas obviously

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity


"I used to play the triangle in a reggae band.

Had to leave though, was just one ting after another "

Ok I admit I sniggered

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

Did you hear about the guy who was drowned in a bowl of muesli?

He was dragged under by a strong currant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did you hear about the guy who was drowned in a bowl of muesli?

He was dragged under by a strong currant "

I heard it was a cereal killer

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By *assy LassieWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire


"Horse and a chicken are out in the meadows. Horse falls into the quicksand. Horse says, help! help!

So chicken, unable to locate the farmer, drives the farmer's BMW over , Chucks the rope over the horse and pulls horse out... Happy days!

Few days later, chicken falls into the quicksand. Chicken says, help! Help! So horse, unable to locate the farmer, thinks "i can do this". Stands over the chicken and tells chicken to hold onto his penis; he successfully pulls chicken out.

.

Moral of the story: you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks if you're hung like a horse "

Pmsl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call the gap between fake boobs?

Silicon valley

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By *hat Bloke OP   Man
over a year ago

Harrogate


"...make me laugh and go to the top of the list. Me being me, I will send a joke to see if I can get a giggle. But then I thought why not share a joke with everyone. So:

A man walks into a bar

Ouch he cries

It was an iron bar!!

I bet your knee deep in clunge with this approach OP "

Who cares?? It’s just for a laugh lol

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North


"...make me laugh and go to the top of the list. Me being me, I will send a joke to see if I can get a giggle. But then I thought why not share a joke with everyone. So:

A man walks into a bar

Ouch he cries

It was an iron bar!!

I bet your knee deep in clunge with this approach OP

Who cares?? It’s just for a laugh lol"

Lol

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By *hat Bloke OP   Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

Why do farts smell?

So deaf people can enjoy em as well!!

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

That didn’t make me laugh am I broken

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity


"That didn’t make me laugh am I broken "

I hope not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Horse and a chicken are out in the meadows. Horse falls into the quicksand. Horse says, help! help!

So chicken, unable to locate the farmer, drives the farmer's BMW over , Chucks the rope over the horse and pulls horse out... Happy days!

Few days later, chicken falls into the quicksand. Chicken says, help! Help! So horse, unable to locate the farmer, thinks "i can do this". Stands over the chicken and tells chicken to hold onto his penis; he successfully pulls chicken out.

.

Moral of the story: you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks if you're hung like a horse "

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By *rambuie100Man
over a year ago

essex/suffolk border

Mother Superior stands in a church, next to a font. She address’s the novice nuns

It has come to my attention that some of you snuck out last night, and visited a swingers club. I am not impressed, nor is the Bishop. Before prayers, you must clean the parts touched by the men you met. This will absolve your sins !!

Sister Mary walks up and washes her hands in the holy water . Next up is Sister Lucy ,she splashes water over her lips.

With that Sister Jane races to the font. Mother superior asks her why the rush ?

Sorry Mother superior but i’m not gargling the holy water after Sister Debbie , she had 3 cocks up her arse last night

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By *hat Bloke OP   Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

Two nuns in a bath, one says where’s the soap?

The other replies, yes it does doesn’t it??

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By *hat Bloke OP   Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

So a woman watches as a glazier takes out his drill and starts to drill a hole in a window pain about one inch above a crack that has formed at the bottom. She stands there fascinated by this seemingly pointless activity and eventually curiosity gets the better of her. “Excuse me” she asks “but why are you drilling that hole?” The glazier explains that he is creating a hole because without it the crack will continue to grow until it has crossed the entire pane. And that the hole will arrest the crack progress. The woman ponders this for a moment and then says to the glazier “Aah so that’s why I have a belly button!”

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By *irChefMan
over a year ago

Great dunmow

A dyslexic man walked into a bra

What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug

What cheese isnt yours? Nacho cheese!

What cheese hides a horses head? Marscapone

How do you get Pikachu on a bus? Pokemon

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