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Family trouble

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38

I pretty much have a great family except my 2 boys are always up in arms. One hurt the other who just won't let it go so he always tries to make amends for past indiscretions and it doesn't work. Everything just gets brought back up. Arguments turn to threats. My one son lives here I am always in the middle of it. I feel like leaving home....it is properly doing my head in.

It was a good day today and now well... not so much.

I am at my wits end!

What the hell can you do with 2 grown men who will just not leave it alone!

Now it's totally getting me down!

Anyone else had that same kind of experience and how was it resolved!

Anyone else have such bad feeling with a close family member and how do avoid it kicking off?

It's not as if they can really avoid each other!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your in charge darling and You let them know it x

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts


"I pretty much have a great family except my 2 boys are always up in arms. One hurt the other who just won't let it go so he always tries to make amends for past indiscretions and it doesn't work. Everything just gets brought back up. Arguments turn to threats. My one son lives here I am always in the middle of it. I feel like leaving home....it is properly doing my head in.

It was a good day today and now well... not so much.

I am at my wits end!

What the hell can you do with 2 grown men who will just not leave it alone!

Now it's totally getting me down!

Anyone else had that same kind of experience and how was it resolved!

Anyone else have such bad feeling with a close family member and how do avoid it kicking off?

It's not as if they can really avoid each other!"

2 grown men?? Sort it out by telling them that they are big enough to have their own place. Time to move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hugs Anabelle my mum has been put in the same position more than once as both my brother's live at home and most of the time, can't stand eachother. She gave up screaming and shouting at them a long time ago as it was making her ill. Now she ignores them if they start and calls me or my sister to help out. Not that we can do much with them but we can support her.

Do you have anyone to tune to for support?

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Show them the door

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

You’re going to have to lose your shit with them so they see that mum is not going to put up with this anymore.

Or you ask the one living at home to move out?

You’re not a referee, you’re their mum.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

How old are they ?

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Throw them both out in the garden and tell them to sort themselves out because it’s making you ill and unhappy And neither to come back in until they have!

Sending you the biggest hug Annabelle

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Screaming and shouting to stop the screaming and shouting isn't ever going to work.

Communication all round needs working on.

Tell them (either together or seperately) calmly and clearly how their arguments make you feel.

Tell them you aren't willing to be stuck in the middle and they need to sort themselves out.

Or they need to accept that they are never going to be bosom buddies , but they do have to behave like adults.

Good luck OP

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38

Thanks guys. I really am at my wits end. They are both in their 30's. The youngest has just moved back after a bad break up after a long relationship.

I am sick of being in the middle. It doesn’t take much for it to escalate and I really can see fighting breaking out!

It's wearing me down and making me feel really down.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"Thanks guys. I really am at my wits end. They are both in their 30's. The youngest has just moved back after a bad break up after a long relationship.

I am sick of being in the middle. It doesn’t take much for it to escalate and I really can see fighting breaking out!

It's wearing me down and making me feel really down.

"

Do they know how you feel?

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

Unfortunately I thinknyou are going to have to tell them that they need to talk and sort it out as it's not fair that you are being put in the middle!!

Can I ask if the son that moved back it the one that was hurt or did the hurting?

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By *ersnickety PantsWoman
over a year ago

Club Meets Only

No real advice OP but I feel your pain, I have the same with my 8 & 5 year olds I dread to imagine them as grown men & being the same.

Hope you find some kind of resolution or helpful advice

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By *elly72Woman
over a year ago

glasgow

Tell them to grow the fuck up or you’ll turn your back on them both especially the main instigator it’s not worth your mental health you’ve done your job and brought them up

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull


"I pretty much have a great family except my 2 boys are always up in arms. One hurt the other who just won't let it go so he always tries to make amends for past indiscretions and it doesn't work. Everything just gets brought back up. Arguments turn to threats. My one son lives here I am always in the middle of it. I feel like leaving home....it is properly doing my head in.

It was a good day today and now well... not so much.

I am at my wits end!

What the hell can you do with 2 grown men who will just not leave it alone!

Now it's totally getting me down!

Anyone else had that same kind of experience and how was it resolved!

Anyone else have such bad feeling with a close family member and how do avoid it kicking off?

It's not as if they can really avoid each other!"

Sit them down and read them the riot act and tell them they're making you ill

Set strict rules so they can't say you never told me that.

Your home your rules and if they don't like it they can leave NOW

Bang out of order and they're behaving like babies and hurting the person they should love most

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Well they should respect your home and your rules. How about the one who pops around will have to let you know when he’s doing so in order that the other one gets out the way. But that is only a temporary solution if they really won’t sort it.

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Unfortunately I thinknyou are going to have to tell them that they need to talk and sort it out as it's not fair that you are being put in the middle!!

Can I ask if the son that moved back it the one that was hurt or did the hurting? "

He was the hurt one and is the most unreasonable, I can see why. The other is always trying to communicate with him and it just winds him up and then off we go again?

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Thanks guys. I really am at my wits end. They are both in their 30's. The youngest has just moved back after a bad break up after a long relationship.

I am sick of being in the middle. It doesn’t take much for it to escalate and I really can see fighting breaking out!

It's wearing me down and making me feel really down.

Do they know how you feel?"

They do and once the drama has passed I know they feel bad for me. Once caught up in the arguing everything goes out of the window?

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford


"Thanks guys. I really am at my wits end. They are both in their 30's. The youngest has just moved back after a bad break up after a long relationship.

I am sick of being in the middle. It doesn’t take much for it to escalate and I really can see fighting breaking out!

It's wearing me down and making me feel really down.

"

Feel your pain not quite as bad mostly bitch fighting as 21 year old was all I had left till the 26 year old daughter moved back after split with her bf! I thought ohh o peace shattered again! With them its 6 of one and half a dozen of the other! I try stay out of it unless it gets real heated ! X

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By *eastAndTheHarlotCouple
over a year ago

Hartlepool

I'm the sibling in this story. My big brother bullied me my entire childhood and my parents just brushed it off. The second I was old enough to move out (literally as soon as I was 16) I left and I've never spoken to my brother since.

Family or not sometimes there's just too much to push away. If your kid doesn't want to forgive then you have to accept their decision as an adult.

It's too late for you to step in now, you've left it too long.

My parents still have a relationship with both of us. They visit me at my home and him at his.

We've only had 1 event we've both attended in over 10 years and we just stayed away from each other.

I make sure to stand firm on my boundaries and not let my family push me into a relationship with him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cry in front of them.

Show them exactly how they make you feel.

If they don’t react with remorse to seeing they have caused you such upset and vow to change their ways then throw them out and tell them both their not welcome back until they deal with their differences.

Highlight your love for them but leave them in no doubt as to the way they make you feel.

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By *obbychickWoman
over a year ago

Essex


"I pretty much have a great family except my 2 boys are always up in arms. One hurt the other who just won't let it go so he always tries to make amends for past indiscretions and it doesn't work. Everything just gets brought back up. Arguments turn to threats. My one son lives here I am always in the middle of it. I feel like leaving home....it is properly doing my head in.

It was a good day today and now well... not so much.

I am at my wits end!

What the hell can you do with 2 grown men who will just not leave it alone!

Now it's totally getting me down!

Anyone else had that same kind of experience and how was it resolved!

Anyone else have such bad feeling with a close family member and how do avoid it kicking off?

It's not as if they can really avoid each other!"

I don’t really have any advice for you but sending you big hugs

It does sound like they’ve got a lot of issues Amongst themselves which needs to be looked into but that is on them. They’re adults now

Maybe counselling?

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss


"Unfortunately I thinknyou are going to have to tell them that they need to talk and sort it out as it's not fair that you are being put in the middle!!

Can I ask if the son that moved back it the one that was hurt or did the hurting?

He was the hurt one and is the most unreasonable, I can see why. The other is always trying to communicate with him and it just winds him up and then off we go again?"

Unfortunately I think you are going to have to have a heart to heart with him and say that while you don't want to take sides this has to stop. He may not forgive him but they need to be able to communicate civilly enough to be around one another especially for family events etc as its unfair for him to essentially choose not to have your other son in the house if you want. And grandkids etc? Creates a bad atmosphere for them also.

Really hope it sorts out soon for you

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By *lfacatMan
over a year ago

Cumbria


"Screaming and shouting to stop the screaming and shouting isn't ever going to work.

Communication all round needs working on.

Tell them (either together or seperately) calmly and clearly how their arguments make you feel.

Tell them you aren't willing to be stuck in the middle and they need to sort themselves out.

Or they need to accept that they are never going to be bosom buddies , but they do have to behave like adults.

Good luck OP

"

This ??

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Cry in front of them.

Show them exactly how they make you feel.

If they don’t react with remorse to seeing they have caused you such upset and vow to change their ways then throw them out and tell them both their not welcome back until they deal with their differences.

Highlight your love for them but leave them in no doubt as to the way they make you feel.

"

I actually feel like crying...maybe they should physically see it. I know that they love me and don't want to hurt me but they are.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod

over a year ago

East Sussex

Our son and daughter are no longer close. We have basically made it clear that it's their problem to sort out or not.

Sometimes even adult children need to know that that if they've made a mess they need to clear it up.

Would your sons expect you to mediate or get involved in any of their other relationships?

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By *inkyguymkMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

Put the two of them in the back garden and lock them out till they sort out their differences.

They will either fight or talk. It is what it is unfortunately.

They want to behave like children then treat them like children while under your roof.

Best wishes.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Our son and daughter are no longer close. We have basically made it clear that it's their problem to sort out or not.

Sometimes even adult children need to know that that if they've made a mess they need to clear it up.

Would your sons expect you to mediate or get involved in any of their other relationships?"

I'm not desperately close to my siblings. My parents haven't intervened (well, occasionally they'll complain that we're distant from each other*) but they'd not be out of place to say "keep it civil in front of me/ in my house".

* Mum/ Dad complaining that I'm not bosom buddies with Brother/ Sister isn't going to make it so...

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By *m3232Man
over a year ago

maidenhead

Quite frankly at 30+ you tell them to stop if or fuck off.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend


"Quite frankly at 30+ you tell them to stop if or fuck off. "

What he said

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

Sit them down and tell them enough is enough and that until they sort it out you don't want them both in your house, tell them it is affecting your health and that they are too old to be acting like toddlers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell them how you feel and say I'm still your mum there both in there 30s should know better

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38

Thank you guys..appreciate you letting me vent and for your support

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hugs....agree with some above..they need to understand your feelings in all this and how it affects you...respect. stay calm

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

Massive hugs Annabelle. This parenting malarkey really is such hard work and can be very wearing, upsetting and emotionally draining.

Could you try writing an individual letter to each of them explaining how you feel? Tell them how much it hurts and you can't stand back and watch them tearing shreds off each other. That it's immensely hurting you and it needs to stop. Life is too short for upset.

Hopefully it may hit home with them when they read it in black and white, and when they aren't arguing. Tell them to go to a quiet place alone and read it and absorb what you say.

I hope you get some peace.

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Hugs....agree with some above..they need to understand your feelings in all this and how it affects you...respect. stay calm "

I really need and want to stay calm but there have been times that to be heard i too have shouted and it doesn't feel good x

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Massive hugs Annabelle. This parenting malarkey really is such hard work and can be very wearing, upsetting and emotionally draining.

Could you try writing an individual letter to each of them explaining how you feel? Tell them how much it hurts and you can't stand back and watch them tearing shreds off each other. That it's immensely hurting you and it needs to stop. Life is too short for upset.

Hopefully it may hit home with them when they read it in black and white, and when they aren't arguing. Tell them to go to a quiet place alone and read it and absorb what you say.

I hope you get some peace."

I gratefully accepting your hug. I do need to find a way through to them both. Thanks for the advice x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you sat them down individually and told them the negative impact it is having on you?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Massive hugs Annabelle. This parenting malarkey really is such hard work and can be very wearing, upsetting and emotionally draining.

Could you try writing an individual letter to each of them explaining how you feel? Tell them how much it hurts and you can't stand back and watch them tearing shreds off each other. That it's immensely hurting you and it needs to stop. Life is too short for upset.

Hopefully it may hit home with them when they read it in black and white, and when they aren't arguing. Tell them to go to a quiet place alone and read it and absorb what you say.

I hope you get some peace."

This is excellent advice

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Have you sat them down individually and told them the negative impact it is having on you?

"

I have done and an uneasy truce is held but not for long. They will both come up to me separately and say sorry mom but x y z

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Massive hugs Annabelle. This parenting malarkey really is such hard work and can be very wearing, upsetting and emotionally draining.

Could you try writing an individual letter to each of them explaining how you feel? Tell them how much it hurts and you can't stand back and watch them tearing shreds off each other. That it's immensely hurting you and it needs to stop. Life is too short for upset.

Hopefully it may hit home with them when they read it in black and white, and when they aren't arguing. Tell them to go to a quiet place alone and read it and absorb what you say.

I hope you get some peace.

This is excellent advice "

It is and I may have to do this. It really is worth a try.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Massive hugs Annabelle. This parenting malarkey really is such hard work and can be very wearing, upsetting and emotionally draining.

Could you try writing an individual letter to each of them explaining how you feel? Tell them how much it hurts and you can't stand back and watch them tearing shreds off each other. That it's immensely hurting you and it needs to stop. Life is too short for upset.

Hopefully it may hit home with them when they read it in black and white, and when they aren't arguing. Tell them to go to a quiet place alone and read it and absorb what you say.

I hope you get some peace.

This is excellent advice

It is and I may have to do this. It really is worth a try."

There is something more stark about the written word. You will have taken time over it, chosen your words in a particular way, and it's there "on record" in a way a verbal interactions are not.

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Massive hugs Annabelle. This parenting malarkey really is such hard work and can be very wearing, upsetting and emotionally draining.

Could you try writing an individual letter to each of them explaining how you feel? Tell them how much it hurts and you can't stand back and watch them tearing shreds off each other. That it's immensely hurting you and it needs to stop. Life is too short for upset.

Hopefully it may hit home with them when they read it in black and white, and when they aren't arguing. Tell them to go to a quiet place alone and read it and absorb what you say.

I hope you get some peace.

This is excellent advice

It is and I may have to do this. It really is worth a try.

There is something more stark about the written word. You will have taken time over it, chosen your words in a particular way, and it's there "on record" in a way a verbal interactions are not. "

The fact I've even written a letter would indicate how serious this is for me and won't be lost on them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Massive hugs Annabelle. This parenting malarkey really is such hard work and can be very wearing, upsetting and emotionally draining.

Could you try writing an individual letter to each of them explaining how you feel? Tell them how much it hurts and you can't stand back and watch them tearing shreds off each other. That it's immensely hurting you and it needs to stop. Life is too short for upset.

Hopefully it may hit home with them when they read it in black and white, and when they aren't arguing. Tell them to go to a quiet place alone and read it and absorb what you say.

I hope you get some peace.

This is excellent advice

It is and I may have to do this. It really is worth a try.

There is something more stark about the written word. You will have taken time over it, chosen your words in a particular way, and it's there "on record" in a way a verbal interactions are not.

The fact I've even written a letter would indicate how serious this is for me and won't be lost on them."

Do it.. So sorry that you are even having to consider this x

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Massive hugs Annabelle. This parenting malarkey really is such hard work and can be very wearing, upsetting and emotionally draining.

Could you try writing an individual letter to each of them explaining how you feel? Tell them how much it hurts and you can't stand back and watch them tearing shreds off each other. That it's immensely hurting you and it needs to stop. Life is too short for upset.

Hopefully it may hit home with them when they read it in black and white, and when they aren't arguing. Tell them to go to a quiet place alone and read it and absorb what you say.

I hope you get some peace.

This is excellent advice

It is and I may have to do this. It really is worth a try.

There is something more stark about the written word. You will have taken time over it, chosen your words in a particular way, and it's there "on record" in a way a verbal interactions are not.

The fact I've even written a letter would indicate how serious this is for me and won't be lost on them.

Do it.. So sorry that you are even having to consider this x"

Thanks hun much appreciated..truly xx

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

You could try to shock them, when my two played up and argued I set up the high chairs I still had for meal time and served them the little glass bottles of food you fed babies and the drink was milk with a bottle c/with teat.

Told them of they wanted to behave like babies I'd treat them as such

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By *arex2Couple
over a year ago

Bradford


"I pretty much have a great family except my 2 boys are always up in arms. One hurt the other who just won't let it go so he always tries to make amends for past indiscretions and it doesn't work. Everything just gets brought back up. Arguments turn to threats. My one son lives here I am always in the middle of it. I feel like leaving home....it is properly doing my head in.

It was a good day today and now well... not so much.

I am at my wits end!

What the hell can you do with 2 grown men who will just not leave it alone!

Now it's totally getting me down!

Anyone else had that same kind of experience and how was it resolved!

Anyone else have such bad feeling with a close family member and how do avoid it kicking off?

It's not as if they can really avoid each other!"

Bells ringing loudly here. You're not alone!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As one of two brothers (me being two years younger) and both of us use to be at loggerheads constantly from the age of 14-18. The only way we seemed to sort our shit out was to literally beat shit out of each other and I don't mean grappling and pulling, I mean full on punch, kicks, headbutt the lot.. Were both close to or over 40 and we ain't had a argument in 20 years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dread this... I have 4 and already feel stuck in the middle and we are only just approaching teenage years

I really hope they can resolve it but if they can't I hope they can grow up and learn to put their love for you before their dislike of eachother xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks guys. I really am at my wits end. They are both in their 30's. The youngest has just moved back after a bad break up after a long relationship.

I am sick of being in the middle. It doesn’t take much for it to escalate and I really can see fighting breaking out!

It's wearing me down and making me feel really down.

Do they know how you feel?

They do and once the drama has passed I know they feel bad for me. Once caught up in the arguing everything goes out of the window?"

This is the issue to me. Without wanting to be unkind it shows a lack of respect for you. People manage to behave at work without losing their temper (most anyway) but then somehow can't at home with their 'loved ones'?

Their concern for you and their guilt at how they make you feel isn't enough to make them control their behavoir. That is a result of learning that they can get away with it, and a selfish disregard for your feelings. As others have said above, show them the door. You have clearly been there to offer help to the one who has split up, he should rspect that help and respect you for it. Hard though it is to turn your kids away, they aren't children and need to learn that certain behaviours have consequences.

Really hope that doesn't come across as unkind, but no one should be made to feel as you do in their own home as a result of having the kindness to help

Mr

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Thanks guys. I really am at my wits end. They are both in their 30's. The youngest has just moved back after a bad break up after a long relationship.

I am sick of being in the middle. It doesn’t take much for it to escalate and I really can see fighting breaking out!

It's wearing me down and making me feel really down.

Do they know how you feel?

They do and once the drama has passed I know they feel bad for me. Once caught up in the arguing everything goes out of the window?

This is the issue to me. Without wanting to be unkind it shows a lack of respect for you. People manage to behave at work without losing their temper (most anyway) but then somehow can't at home with their 'loved ones'?

Their concern for you and their guilt at how they make you feel isn't enough to make them control their behavoir. That is a result of learning that they can get away with it, and a selfish disregard for your feelings. As others have said above, show them the door. You have clearly been there to offer help to the one who has split up, he should rspect that help and respect you for it. Hard though it is to turn your kids away, they aren't children and need to learn that certain behaviours have consequences.

Really hope that doesn't come across as unkind, but no one should be made to feel as you do in their own home as a result of having the kindness to help

Mr"

It is only in this way that things are a little tough at the moment. Just lately a bit more often than ever.

They are respectful people and kids. We are very close as a family and We will figure it out.

Or I am going to bash their heads together!

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By *aver999Couple
over a year ago

East Mids

Unfortunately if this has been going on for so long and they are now in their 30s the behavior will be so ingrained that it's unlikely to change.

I think your only route is to spell out to them clearly that when they are together in your house they must be civil, otherwise you will kick them both out - don't show favoritism they are adults and equally to blame.

You also have to be prepared to carry out the threat otherwise they will just carry on and keep apologizing after the event.

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Unfortunately if this has been going on for so long and they are now in their 30s the behavior will be so ingrained that it's unlikely to change.

I think your only route is to spell out to them clearly that when they are together in your house they must be civil, otherwise you will kick them both out - don't show favoritism they are adults and equally to blame.

You also have to be prepared to carry out the threat otherwise they will just carry on and keep apologizing after the event.

"

I think you are right!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One thing is however much they are at war with one another .. they’ll always look out for each other ..

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"One thing is however much they are at war with one another .. they’ll always look out for each other .. "

It's funny how that works but so true!

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Unfortunately if this has been going on for so long and they are now in their 30s the behavior will be so ingrained that it's unlikely to change.

I think your only route is to spell out to them clearly that when they are together in your house they must be civil, otherwise you will kick them both out - don't show favoritism they are adults and equally to blame.

You also have to be prepared to carry out the threat otherwise they will just carry on and keep apologizing after the event.

I think you are right! "

Glad we had this chat....thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One thing is however much they are at war with one another .. they’ll always look out for each other ..

It's funny how that works but so true!"

Sibling rivalry matches sibling love .. though I don’t see eye to eye with mine ... I gotta say I love him to bits .. just aswell he can’t read this

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"One thing is however much they are at war with one another .. they’ll always look out for each other ..

It's funny how that works but so true!

Sibling rivalry matches sibling love .. though I don’t see eye to eye with mine ... I gotta say I love him to bits .. just aswell he can’t read this "

It's our secret! It's.good to know he's got your back at the end of the day. Just behave yourselves when at moms

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One thing is however much they are at war with one another .. they’ll always look out for each other ..

It's funny how that works but so true!

Sibling rivalry matches sibling love .. though I don’t see eye to eye with mine ... I gotta say I love him to bits .. just aswell he can’t read this

It's our secret! It's.good to know he's got your back at the end of the day. Just behave yourselves when at moms "

Don’t know if he has mine .. but I got his ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

With family we tend to forgive them for most things because we love them and fear we will lose them. Unfortunately this sometimes gives people carte blanche to walk all over you knowing that they can act how they want and you will, ultimately, accept it. It's a big step and you have to be prepared that they could fall out with you and not see you again. This happened to me and my mum. I couldn't take her behaviour any more and laid the law down. She didn't play along and I've not seen her since. However, I am so happy about this as I couldn't take her behaviour any more. I would have loved her to change but at least now I enjoy getting up each day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have no words of wisdom as my family is weird.

Sending love and hugs though xx

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Tell them that you don't want whatever happened between them spoken about in your house anymore. If you need to tell them why. If they can't do that for you is tell the one that lives with you he'll have to find somewhere else to live.

Bloody kids eh, does it ever stop?!! The thought of my 3 all living here in their 30's is quite scary!

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"With family we tend to forgive them for most things because we love them and fear we will lose them. Unfortunately this sometimes gives people carte blanche to walk all over you knowing that they can act how they want and you will, ultimately, accept it. It's a big step and you have to be prepared that they could fall out with you and not see you again. This happened to me and my mum. I couldn't take her behaviour any more and laid the law down. She didn't play along and I've not seen her since. However, I am so happy about this as I couldn't take her behaviour any more. I would have loved her to change but at least now I enjoy getting up each day."

Sorry it didn't work out with your mom. We are not at this stage and we will work on things so this can never happen.

It is painful to cut someone out of your life...but sometimes necessary x

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

I'm probably no help when it comes to family issues, but you know im here for you if you want to talk.

And cuddles are always available. Xxxxxxxx

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Tell them that you don't want whatever happened between them spoken about in your house anymore. If you need to tell them why. If they can't do that for you is tell the one that lives with you he'll have to find somewhere else to live.

Bloody kids eh, does it ever stop?!! The thought of my 3 all living here in their 30's is quite scary!"

It's more bickering like they were young kids... with the potential to escalate

Only 1 lives here he has just moved back after the end of a very long relationship.

But yes..bloody kids eh!

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Have no words of wisdom as my family is weird.

Sending love and hugs though xx "

I appreciate that Hope thank you..my family is weird to in its way.

Hugs and love nicely received xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's awful to be in that situation. Have you tried sitting them both down and putting some sense into them? Do they know how it's impacting you?

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By *anchester_gentMan
over a year ago

Manchester/ Cheshire border


"I pretty much have a great family except my 2 boys are always up in arms. One hurt the other who just won't let it go so he always tries to make amends for past indiscretions and it doesn't work. Everything just gets brought back up. Arguments turn to threats. My one son lives here I am always in the middle of it. I feel like leaving home....it is properly doing my head in.

It was a good day today and now well... not so much.

I am at my wits end!

What the hell can you do with 2 grown men who will just not leave it alone!

Now it's totally getting me down!

Anyone else had that same kind of experience and how was it resolved!

Anyone else have such bad feeling with a close family member and how do avoid it kicking off?

It's not as if they can really avoid each other!"

Why not copy and print out your original post from here and put an (identical) covering note onto it for each of them. Tell them you were so upset and worried for your own health that you posted this in an online chat room (obviously don’t say which site!! )

Tell them the majority of the replies were saying they should be shown the door if they don’t grow up and think about your feelings as well as their own feud. You don’t want to do that - but it’s feeling like the only way. And you just need to try one last time to make them realise how much their behaviour is upsetting you....

You never know... the fact you’ve come online and shared this might wake them up to how selfish they are being. The original post doesnt indicate any favouritism for one son over the other...

Sending love and hugs anyhow... let us know how things go.

Dan xxx

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"I'm probably no help when it comes to family issues, but you know im here for you if you want to talk.

And cuddles are always available. Xxxxxxxx"

Chunky me old mukka...I know, I can always count on you xxxxx

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"One thing is however much they are at war with one another .. they’ll always look out for each other ..

It's funny how that works but so true!

Sibling rivalry matches sibling love .. though I don’t see eye to eye with mine ... I gotta say I love him to bits .. just aswell he can’t read this

It's our secret! It's.good to know he's got your back at the end of the day. Just behave yourselves when at moms

Don’t know if he has mine .. but I got his .. "

He may not admit it but I bet he has x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One thing is however much they are at war with one another .. they’ll always look out for each other ..

It's funny how that works but so true!

Sibling rivalry matches sibling love .. though I don’t see eye to eye with mine ... I gotta say I love him to bits .. just aswell he can’t read this

It's our secret! It's.good to know he's got your back at the end of the day. Just behave yourselves when at moms

Don’t know if he has mine .. but I got his ..

He may not admit it but I bet he has x"

Well he better or there’s gonna be trouble ..

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"It's awful to be in that situation. Have you tried sitting them both down and putting some sense into them? Do they know how it's impacting you?"

I am going to make sure I'm heard loud and clear. Maybe they don't realise how much but they are going to.

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"One thing is however much they are at war with one another .. they’ll always look out for each other ..

It's funny how that works but so true!

Sibling rivalry matches sibling love .. though I don’t see eye to eye with mine ... I gotta say I love him to bits .. just aswell he can’t read this

It's our secret! It's.good to know he's got your back at the end of the day. Just behave yourselves when at moms

Don’t know if he has mine .. but I got his ..

He may not admit it but I bet he has x

Well he better or there’s gonna be trouble .. "

Just not at your moms

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch


"It's awful to be in that situation. Have you tried sitting them both down and putting some sense into them? Do they know how it's impacting you?

I am going to make sure I'm heard loud and clear. Maybe they don't realise how much but they are going to."

This could be just what they need... the short sharp truth of how it makes you feel, no one likes to see their mam hurting and even more so be the cause of it

I hope you get it sorted x

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By *ig1gaz1Man
over a year ago

bradford

you wont stop it until you do something draustic.

best way write your letters and wait for the next argument and be crying when you do give him there letters

during mid argument

say that your sick of the pair of them doing this all the time

be blunt but truthful.

siblings will argue like hell though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's awful to be in that situation. Have you tried sitting them both down and putting some sense into them? Do they know how it's impacting you?

I am going to make sure I'm heard loud and clear. Maybe they don't realise how much but they are going to.

This could be just what they need... the short sharp truth of how it makes you feel, no one likes to see their mam hurting and even more so be the cause of it

I hope you get it sorted x "

I agree with you. The power of communication is so underestimated. World would be a better place if we communicated better. We sometimes fail to understand before being understood.

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"It's awful to be in that situation. Have you tried sitting them both down and putting some sense into them? Do they know how it's impacting you?

I am going to make sure I'm heard loud and clear. Maybe they don't realise how much but they are going to.

This could be just what they need... the short sharp truth of how it makes you feel, no one likes to see their mam hurting and even more so be the cause of it

I hope you get it sorted x "

I kmow and they would never really want to hurt me. Thanks Sours x

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Xxxxxxx x

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"It's awful to be in that situation. Have you tried sitting them both down and putting some sense into them? Do they know how it's impacting you?

I am going to make sure I'm heard loud and clear. Maybe they don't realise how much but they are going to.

This could be just what they need... the short sharp truth of how it makes you feel, no one likes to see their mam hurting and even more so be the cause of it

I hope you get it sorted x

I agree with you. The power of communication is so underestimated. World would be a better place if we communicated better. We sometimes fail to understand before being understood."

Calm communication..no taking sides and meaning exactly what I say...it's the only way forward.

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Xxxxxxx x"

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT


"Xxxxxxx x

"

Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been dragged into the middle of all of that.

I don't have any advice for you I'm afraid, my sister and I argue much like that and anything more than superficial small talk and we're back at it

Our parents did both make it very clear though that they weren't going to take sides and that they didn't want to have to juggle only having one of us in the house to visit at a time so we weren't to fight while we're visiting, so they don't have to get dragged into it. Is that something you could do?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's awful to be in that situation. Have you tried sitting them both down and putting some sense into them? Do they know how it's impacting you?

I am going to make sure I'm heard loud and clear. Maybe they don't realise how much but they are going to.

This could be just what they need... the short sharp truth of how it makes you feel, no one likes to see their mam hurting and even more so be the cause of it

I hope you get it sorted x

I agree with you. The power of communication is so underestimated. World would be a better place if we communicated better. We sometimes fail to understand before being understood.

Calm communication..no taking sides and meaning exactly what I say...it's the only way forward."

Good luck.

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"I'm really sorry to hear that you've been dragged into the middle of all of that.

I don't have any advice for you I'm afraid, my sister and I argue much like that and anything more than superficial small talk and we're back at it

Our parents did both make it very clear though that they weren't going to take sides and that they didn't want to have to juggle only having one of us in the house to visit at a time so we weren't to fight while we're visiting, so they don't have to get dragged into it. Is that something you could do?"

If that's as good as gets then yes....I would eventually like more. But may have to let it be what it is. Sorry to hear about you and your sister. I have 3 and would hate to be in that situation x

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch


"It's awful to be in that situation. Have you tried sitting them both down and putting some sense into them? Do they know how it's impacting you?

I am going to make sure I'm heard loud and clear. Maybe they don't realise how much but they are going to.

This could be just what they need... the short sharp truth of how it makes you feel, no one likes to see their mam hurting and even more so be the cause of it

I hope you get it sorted x

I kmow and they would never really want to hurt me. Thanks Sours x "

.... that’s it, it’s not intentional they might just not realise they are xx

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By *inkyfun2013Couple
over a year ago

lewisham

Get an air horn. Every time they start, give them a bloody good blast! It works with my friend's dogs.

Or show them up and give them a dummy each - tell them if they want to behave like toddlers they may as well look like them.

Then tell them to bugger off, you're their mother but you're not their mummy anymore.

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By *hezuMan
over a year ago

London

Fuckin hell 30 and still stressin their mum out they aint done no growing up lmao

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Fuckin hell 30 and still stressin their mum out they aint done no growing up lmao"

Mummy's boys

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By *hezuMan
over a year ago

London


"Fuckin hell 30 and still stressin their mum out they aint done no growing up lmao

Mummy's boys "

Aint we all

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Fuckin hell 30 and still stressin their mum out they aint done no growing up lmao

Mummy's boys

Aint we all "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Annabelle, did you sort those boys out yet?

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT


"Annabelle, did you sort those boys out yet? "

Shes asleep

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Annabelle, did you sort those boys out yet?

Shes asleep "

Poor lady. She needs rest.

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT


"Annabelle, did you sort those boys out yet?

Shes asleep

Poor lady. She needs rest. "

Shes amazing xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Annabelle, did you sort those boys out yet?

Shes asleep

Poor lady. She needs rest.

Shes amazing xxx"

She seems amazing.

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Annabelle, did you sort those boys out yet?

Shes asleep

Poor lady. She needs rest.

Shes amazing xxx

She seems amazing. "

As are you both and thanks that was nice to wake up to xxxxxxxx

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By *nabelle21 OP   Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Annabelle, did you sort those boys out yet? "

I haven't made my move as yet. All is quiet and peaceful I'm very happy to report

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By *irth VaderMan
over a year ago

glasgow


"Thanks guys. I really am at my wits end. They are both in their 30's. The youngest has just moved back after a bad break up after a long relationship.

I am sick of being in the middle. It doesn’t take much for it to escalate and I really can see fighting breaking out!

It's wearing me down and making me feel really down.

"

I agree with the advice that noise doesn’t remove other noise. Keep calm and speak softly and tell them to both fuck off u til they grow up. Explain calmly that they are breaking your heart and you would rather not have them in your house than live with the current atmosphere.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley


"Thanks guys. I really am at my wits end. They are both in their 30's. The youngest has just moved back after a bad break up after a long relationship.

I am sick of being in the middle. It doesn’t take much for it to escalate and I really can see fighting breaking out!

It's wearing me down and making me feel really down.

"

30...omg....tell them to go....they are old enough to live on their own.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Annabelle, did you sort those boys out yet?

I haven't made my move as yet. All is quiet and peaceful I'm very happy to report "

Great to hear. Next time time they act up, you know what to do. The whole fab community is behind you.

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By *otmale5Man
over a year ago

glasgow

Make rules. Sit them both down together at your home . Tell them your fed up with their issues being brought into your home. Whilst they are here then they respect your position. Both are looking for your support in this. You must step back tell them .. if they start again in your home you must tell both to leave. Be strong ..

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