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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is not my own writing, but definitely funny enough to share.
In the future, when our kids are the parents... ??
‘Oh my god, these kids are doing my head in. Six weeks is so long.......’
Six weeks? SIX WEEKS?? Try six chuffing months! You parents today haven’t got a clue what we went through in 2020. Six months of entertaining you little shits, and we couldn’t even go any-bloody-where. All we had was Netflix and a colouring book. We had a heatwave, and couldn’t do any baking because every chuffer had stolen all the flour. Couldn’t make macaroni necklaces, no chuffing pasta. Praying nobody gets sick as we had two toilet rolls to last us til we dared even get in a QUEUE to go to a shop, and ended up using kitchen roll. We had to stand on spots on the floor and risked being tackled to the ground if we dare walk up an aisle the wrong way in Tesco by JimBob in his visor, who was working there cos he’d lost his job in a pub, which we couldn’t go to for a night off cos they were all bloody closed. We only saw people on a Thursday when we stood and clapped for nurses on the street, whilst wondering what would happen to Sharon in the Vic in Eastenders but not knowing because.....the soap operas all run out! Yep kids that’s right, no soaps!! Imagine that. We had to download things called zoom and had to attempt to do meetings in our houses whilst you lot ran around telling everyone you were bored, or hot, or STILL hungry despite the fact we’d made you fourteen breakfasts. We had this fit fella every morning attempting to get you fit on YouTube but that lasted all of two episodes before you put spongebob on. We had to attempt to teach you, yes you! I was expected to print out all these bloody sheets, running out of ink at midnight attempting to print out the monarchy timeline for you to give it four seconds of thought before saying you didn’t want to do it and that’s not how Mrs Jones does it. We had to give up our phones so you could FaceTime your mates, or download more games, if it gave us five seconds of time to tidy up the kitchen only to turn around and see the living room had now been turned into a ninja warrior assault course. We dug out paddling pools, we got stung by wasps, we redecorated gardens and bedrooms, we hoovered-a lot, we forgot what a bed ‘time’ was, we gave in to technology far too much, we had no money and ordered shit off amazon in the hope it passed an hour for you, we then had a chuffing postal strike as every postman got covid, and waved to other humans through windows on our one hour allowed out every day. Cash?? Didn’t have any, and if we did you couldn’t bloody use it as no chuffer accepted it for fear of touching you. Swimming? Nope. Cinema? Nope. Bowling? Nope? McDonald’s? Nope. Playgrounds? Nope. Taped off like a crime scene. None of that. 6 weeks?? Piece of piss mate."
The middle-aged people of tomorrow, they won't know how good they'll have it  |
