FabSwingers.com forum: Walking away

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Saw a quote that got me thinking...

"If I've cut all ties with you, chances are, you handed me the scissors"

How easy would you find it to walk away from someone? Not just on here, life in general. Do you give second (or more) chances easily? Does it depend on who the person is (family or friend)

Can you walk away without a second thought regardless as to how close the person/people were to you? Everyone has a limit, do you know yours?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't walk away from family. Others I have done and would do again.

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By *obbychickWoman
over a year ago

Essex

I wish I was better at doing this, it most certainly would cause me less hurt.

I guess I do give more chances than I should but there is a point of no return, when I do get there then that person no longer means anything to me.

It is different with family though, I could be angry /upset but time gives both sides to calm down and I usually just let go of it and try and make amends

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

It isn't easy but when you're being destroyed from the inside out there comes a time when you have to put yourself first.

There's a difference between say an elderly relative who isn't making conscious decisions to do you harm and someone who claims to love you but won't step up their end and remain walking a selfish path.

Yes, I will cut ties.

Some family.

Some lovers and as I believed a life partner.

Sometimes you have to do it to give you both a fighting chance of a future.

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By *awk90Man
over a year ago

Amsterdam

I am very bad at walking away, which is problematic and causes me more pain than I wish it did.

I should learn, but it's more a heart matter than a brain matter!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometime you have no choice it’s the best thing for you....even though it hurts.

Sometimes it takes a few attempts but you do.

Family and friends if it’s harmful or hurting you as hard as it is you reach a point that you leave... and yes generally they have instigated the process or handed the scissors so to speak.

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By *az211Man
over a year ago

Bse

A lot of it depends on the reason behind it, but have cut ties with people many times and I’m yet to regret it

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

Someone who has done me wrong is not welcome in my life although blood is thicker than water so family members i will tolerate but never forgive.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I have done, wasn't easy but for my own peace of mind and my sanity, it had to be done x

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I've walked away from my father at the age of 17 and we didn't speak for 6-7 years. His behaviour was so bad it was an easy decision and one I do not regret.

But walking away from people in general I find difficult, even though I know I should I always hesitate as it's hard to rekindle things after

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I cut ties with my parents and sister not long after I got married.

Not spoken to them in over 12 years now. A family argument over money triggered it

Moments have been difficult but in general 99% of the time it has made no difference

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yh had to recently ... for the best too ... too many bad apples ...

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I give too many chances. Mostly to my detriment.

But there comes a point where I hit the wall. And my withdrawal can be as abrupt and as impactful as that metaphor implies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're still thinking about it, you have connections.

Its apathy that indicates you can do it easily.

It can catch you unawares I think, and even the most robust can struggle. Took me ten years to get over someone and I'd still hate to be revisited despite me blanking everything since.

Without conscious effort, nothing fades easily.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know that I've walked away from anyone. A few years ago I left a (non-fab) social group, but that was because I'd started to feel that they didn't want me around. They let me disappear without a word, so I suppose I was right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone has done me wrong I’ll say fuck them and walk away, be it here, family or friends. Inside it might be killing me but sometimes it has to be done.

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

It takes a lot for me to snap. But when I realise someone’s gone too far and it’s damaging me I walk away with ease and get my headspace back.

Sometimes it’s just a break required. Others will never darken my door again.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Many times in the past I've given too many chances and tried too hard with people who don't even return half the effort. Once I reach the point of quiting though there isn't any coming back from it. You've already had more chances than was fair.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I walked away from my mum, should have done it years ago she is not a nice person and my upbringing was horrible, however she crossed a line when she was horrible to my pregnant daughter and that was the last straw, no regrets Best decision ever, I wouldn't allow others to treatme like she did so it had to happen just wish I had the guts to do it years ago would have saved so much grief and pain.. Not an easy decision to make as I said to my daughter if some one truly loves or respects you they wouldn't speak or behave the way she did..

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Family, no.

Others? Yes. Without a backward glance. I don’t do being messed around.

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By *uriousVoyeurMan
over a year ago

Northside

It would depend on what they've done. I'll nearly always give a second chance but if they were backstabbing or being cunty to me or someone close to me then they'd get it both barrels...and I'd cast them adrift without so much as a glance. That goes for family too. I'll never do a bad turn to anyone and I expect the same in return...and unfortunately I've had to cut ties with a few people over the years. Looking back now I've no regrets at all,it's their loss!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

" If you're still thinking about it, you have connections.

Its apathy that indicates you can do it easily.

It can catch you unawares I think, and even the most robust can struggle. Took me ten years to get over someone and I'd still hate to be revisited despite me blanking everything since.

Without conscious effort, nothing fades easily."

Agree it's not always, if ever, an easy thing to do but sometimes self preservation has to take precedence. I've walked away from some and never looked back, knowing I made the right choice. I've walked away from other's, knowing it's the right thing for me but it's killed me inside at the same time. Heart and head don't always agree.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I've done this many times, including to my own parents. I don't need the wrong people in my life, I'd rather be alone than that. And when I walk away will completely shut myself off to them, any attempts to contact me will be ignored - it might hurt at first, but it would hurt more in the long run if they remained a part of my life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The older I have gotten the easier cutting people off has gotten too

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

I’m lucky that I’ve had very few occasions where I have needed to. It was painful to start with but I got over it.

More common is friends that just drift away as life changes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've done this many times, including to my own parents. I don't need the wrong people in my life, I'd rather be alone than that. And when I walk away will completely shut myself off to them, any attempts to contact me will be ignored - it might hurt at first, but it would hurt more in the long run if they remained a part of my life. "

Times a great healer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just try not to make a permanent decision from a temporary emotion

At least if I buy stuff on impulse at Amazon I can return it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I just try not to make a permanent decision from a temporary emotion

At least if I buy stuff on impulse at Amazon I can return it

Ahh Amazon returns policy is a wonderful thing

Doesn't it depend on the emotion and what's caused it to know if it's temporary or not?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just try not to make a permanent decision from a temporary emotion

At least if I buy stuff on impulse at Amazon I can return it

I know that feeling

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

"I just try not to make a permanent decision from a temporary emotion

At least if I buy stuff on impulse at Amazon I can return it

Ahh Amazon returns policy is a wonderful thing

Doesn't it depend on the emotion and what's caused it to know if it's temporary or not? "

I think by the time you get to this stage (especially when it comes to people you have a string emotional attachment to) you've already exhausted many options and compromises.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

“ Radiators and Drains“

as someone said to me.... “Tell me about the people in your life and why are they there”

Radiators give off warmth and a fuzzy feeling

Drains ... well they just suck the life out of you.

I consider myself to be warm enough to give some a second chance ( everyone speaks/acts in haste/irrationally at some point in their life) but after that, if nothing changes I walk away.

I don’t hang on to ‘friendships / relationships’ if they don’t have any value. My family are a good team - we don’t fall out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im ruthless, if someone is bad for me, they are gone.

But its not without thoughts after. You cant switch off like that. Its knowing how things effect you personally xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really depends on the person and situation for me. I've walked away from family and friends, not easy to do and although I can and do often think of them, would not extend an olive branch. Not out of spite or anger, just that nothing good would come from it in the end. It doesn't mean I am unable to forgive, just find it is better to let go rather than carry the load of what could be, or how it should be.. If any of that makes sense.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"I just try not to make a permanent decision from a temporary emotion

At least if I buy stuff on impulse at Amazon I can return it

That’s a very good point! I wonder how many people lose friends/family connections over their temporary emotional state!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just try not to make a permanent decision from a temporary emotion

At least if I buy stuff on impulse at Amazon I can return it

Ahh Amazon returns policy is a wonderful thing

Doesn't it depend on the emotion and what's caused it to know if it's temporary or not? "

Every emotion is temporary. As are cognitive processes such as thoughts and images

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just try not to make a permanent decision from a temporary emotion

At least if I buy stuff on impulse at Amazon I can return it

That’s a very good point! I wonder how many people lose friends/family connections over their temporary emotional state! "

Thanks. It helps that I’m a psychotherapist

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I just try not to make a permanent decision from a temporary emotion

At least if I buy stuff on impulse at Amazon I can return it

Repeated consistent emotional states may warrant permanent decisions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just try not to make a permanent decision from a temporary emotion

At least if I buy stuff on impulse at Amazon I can return it

Repeated consistent emotional states may warrant permanent decisions "

Possibly. That depends on the individual and the context.

But it would be completely understandable if someone leaves you feeling a certain way for a prolonged period of time, and repeatedly, that they’d want to change the situation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah unfortunately I have done this with a family member. Had so many chances. I've helped out, apologised when I wasn't wrong and always fallen soft due to it been family. Unfortunately the last straw was pulled and I have cut them out of my life for good. I will only be shit on so many times be it friend or family....

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I just try not to make a permanent decision from a temporary emotion

At least if I buy stuff on impulse at Amazon I can return it

Repeated consistent emotional states may warrant permanent decisions

Possibly. That depends on the individual and the context.

But it would be completely understandable if someone leaves you feeling a certain way for a prolonged period of time, and repeatedly, that they’d want to change the situation "

Too many variables, as you say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Really depends on the person and situation for me. I've walked away from family and friends, not easy to do and although I can and do often think of them, would not extend an olive branch. Not out of spite or anger, just that nothing good would come from it in the end. It doesn't mean I am unable to forgive, just find it is better to let go rather than carry the load of what could be, or how it should be.. If any of that makes sense. "

Makes sense to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Makes sense to me. "

Well that's good then, thought I may have rambled a bit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the past year I've walked away from an abusive relationship and walked away from a family member. Both people handed me the scissors and for my own sake I walked away.

I'm at the stage in my life now where I'm done with bullshit and people being dicks. If they're going to act like that, they're gone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow now there is a topic that hit the button: I am 8wks into that walking /walked away process. Had to do the right thing for me, my mental and physical health. It wasn't/ isn't easy and it hurts every day. I gave chance after chance, but some people aren't willing to help themselves and I was suffering. Not for everyone and it will take time for me to heal. Wish you the best, everyone deserves a peaceful and quiet life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wow now there is a topic that hit the button: I am 8wks into that walking /walked away process. Had to do the right thing for me, my mental and physical health. It wasn't/ isn't easy and it hurts every day. I gave chance after chance, but some people aren't willing to help themselves and I was suffering. Not for everyone and it will take time for me to heal. Wish you the best, everyone deserves a peaceful and quiet life. "

Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This question has no answer. Shit changes......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I've done this... A close friend, my father and even my marriage.

Those were easy decisions and i felt no regrets

Once my head is in the space, i never look back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Saw a quote that got me thinking...

"If I've cut all ties with you, chances are, you handed me the scissors"

How easy would you find it to walk away from someone? Not just on here, life in general. Do you give second (or more) chances easily? Does it depend on who the person is (family or friend)

Can you walk away without a second thought regardless as to how close the person/people were to you? Everyone has a limit, do you know yours? "

Yeah I can. And I have done.

I had a friend at school, and drama followed her everywhere. EVERYWHERE. But it was never her fault. We stopped speaking for a bit, then became pals again a few years later. We were so close, she was my maid of honour. But as always, drama came her way. She would slag me off, but would gaslight me and convince me it didn’t happen, even though I had proof. This went on for a while until I had my third miscarriage. I didn’t want to go out drinking a week later, so she actually ‘broke up’ with me. And fuck, it hurt.

We made up again, but eventually I dropped her. When she asked why, I told her, but Jesus. I could see why drama followed her everywhere she went. She was always first to moan about people gossiping or making up rumours or whatever, but hmmmmm

I’m happy to say that I’m not really good friends with anyone like that nowadays. Or if I am, they keep their drama away from me, as I have no interest in it. Happy days!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh, me and C also walked away from his entire family. That was easy. It needed to happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it very difficult to walk away.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

It very much depends on the circumstances and the level of connection some situations I can walk away quite easily, especially if it is someone determined to do me down, or who has shown just how deceptive and selfish they can be.

Others I'll hang on in there until the very last thread is dangling precariously, vainly hoping something will change or that things will work out until finally something has to be done to put an end to it once and for all or it just becomes an ever decreasing vicious circle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find it very difficult to walk away.

Not surprised with that amazing backside, they would never take their eyes off you as you did

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find it very difficult to walk away.

Not surprised with that amazing backside, they would never take their eyes off you as you did

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I’m not good at saying goodbye to people I like. That’s probably why I’ve got a lot of friends who I stay in touch with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Xxx

Thank you, time is a healer they say

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By *ic_khan2341Man
over a year ago

Manchester

I suppose it depends on the circumstances in general. Some things are best to walk away from but then if you work or live with certain people you can't work walk away from them but have to learn how to deal with it

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I find it very hard to walk away once I've made an emotional connection, and I can be swayed back time and again until I hit breaking point.

Once I get there though I don't look back.

I do find it hard when people I trust and care about walk away because of outside influences though. That's the hardest thing and not something I can handle well.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I find it easy to walk away but I'll put a pause on it rather than cut ties immediately, sometimes something happens and people's Interest/focus changes. I'll make contact a couple of times later on but if nothings changed or it becomes one sided or toxic then the ties are cut.

Now if someone deliberately goes out intending to hurt me then they deserve all that they get.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah, I cut people off, including my parents. Sometimes people are bad for you and need to go. The only regrets I have are that I wish I had done each one sooner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cross me once I will give no other chances. I will gladly walk away, to keep my sanity and my well being. I don't trust many people. They show their true selves sooner or later and it justifies my actions. Even family. I will never forgive them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cross me once I will give no other chances. I will gladly walk away, to keep my sanity and my well being. I don't trust many people. They show their true selves sooner or later and it justifies my actions. Even family. I will never forgive them. "

6 months apparently, that's the time people drop their masks. And I can remember the exact day. Just me, Pam and her five friends now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

6 months apparently, that's the time people drop their masks. And I can remember the exact day. Just me, Pam and her five friends now

6 months? Really? Interesting. Enjoy Pam and her five friends. Sounds fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not very good, I stuck with my ex for longer than was good for me. But cut all ties now x

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By *evil-AngelWoman
over a year ago

...

I've given too many chances before. It made it harder when I was finally done because they were used to walking all over me.

I can't get away from them completely, there are too many ties but I've walked away emotionally.

It felt so liberating the day I said enough was enough and knew I meant it.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

I’ve always had a pair of scissors handy since 17 and cut people away that are toxic to me.

I don’t look backwards and know all the decisions were right.

Only one person I’ve let back in, and more than once, but that is family and only in touch now because of my son, so we have an uneasy understanding

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on my emotional involvement with that person.

I easily can walk away from anyone I haven't made a mental long term connection and I don't chase anyone either.

However, if I got involved with someone emotionally and I felt it was reciprocal... It takes times for me to get over it but more it happens, more I avoid making connections in order to circumvent the pain I get if that happens.

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By *oodnitegirlWoman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

I’m so bad at this. I’d do anything for my friends and I am extremely empathetic, sometimes to the detriment of myself but as said above, you’ve got to decide who’s worth hurting/fighting for.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I’m so bad at this. I’d do anything for my friends and I am extremely empathetic, sometimes to the detriment of myself but as said above, you’ve got to decide who’s worth hurting/fighting for. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

very easily.

its very important not to chase after a women or a men. because they will play games with you, keep you there to do things for them and put you in the friend zone.

they will seek your validation, have little respect for you and display narcissistic personality towards you.

im sure you have liked someone and wanted to get into a relationship with them only to find you suddenly get the silent treatment or felt excluded from conversations as things are going on around you.

but what happens if you stop giving him/her the supply?

they will come up to you at some point and ask 'why have you stopped talking to me?'

they never get you are on to the game they are playing and when it hits them that you are this is when the narcissist acts like you dont exist and if you get within ear shot they will make a rude commment about you in front of their minions to seek validation.

as a man you have to learn to never chase. it simply isnt worth it because if she dont want to be with you now she will damn well cheat on you later because you will be her last resort.

remember just because your with a woman doesnt mean shes into you, she will have many guys numbers and will flirt with by text facebook etc.

and this is why nice guys finish last, they are useless, a high value man doesnt stand for bad behaviour or abuse, low value simps do because they are scared of her walking away.

do not worry about being single, never worry about it. you will have more time to live your life man or woman, enjoy the money you earn and do anything you want too.

love yourself first be powerful and do not take heat from anyone.

you will feel better about yourself and not be bought down by someone's actions who doesnt deserve your time in the first place.

this is why so many people are now preferring to stay single.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"very easily.