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The impact you have.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Do you think you have influence on others, be it a negative one or a positive one?

If negative why and do you work to change this?

If positive who told you this was the case?

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Can't lie, I've been told by loads of people I've had a positive impact on them.

The ones who I impact negatively as they perceive it. Well, I reckon it's coz I'm not afraid to stand up to their bullshit, slyness and bullying tactics.

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By * WillisMan
over a year ago

London


" Do you think you have influence on others, be it a negative one or a positive one?

If negative why and do you work to change this?

If positive who told you this was the case? "

I’m an explosive areas electrical instillation engineer that works abroad and through my safe installations I get to send a lot of people safely to their families.

I’d say I have a positive influence on people’s lives. Although not many say thanks directly to me.

To see what I stop happening in combustible areas put “explosion at Mexican gas plant” and watch the video.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I been told I have positive impact on people because of my eye sight

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Considering the job I do which includes training and mentoring I would say positive...

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

On Holibobs

Positive- I have a talent for calming people, this helps me to negotiate volatile situations and lower tempers

Negative- I have a simmering you only live once let's do it attitude, let's put responsibility to one side and have fun regardless of the trouble we reap from it

I like all sides of my personality tbh as its what makes me, ME

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

I've been given a couple of compliments and messages about my positivity over my time here.

I only get negative about negative people, but even then - that's having trying to turn it around.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?

I think people often run theirselves ragged trying to be what they think others want them to be. Personally, I'd rather be true to myself and stand by my morals and beliefs - some will see me as negative, some as positive, but I don't have any control over how people perceive and interpret me being me. It's all far too subjective, what one person sees as positive, someone else will see as negative. Am I "nice" all the time? No,absolutely not, I'm human, with human thoughts and emotions - but I don't believe that anyone is nice 100% of the time.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I think people often run theirselves ragged trying to be what they think others want them to be. Personally, I'd rather be true to myself and stand by my morals and beliefs - some will see me as negative, some as positive, but I don't have any control over how people perceive and interpret me being me. It's all far too subjective, what one person sees as positive, someone else will see as negative. Am I "nice" all the time? No,absolutely not, I'm human, with human thoughts and emotions - but I don't believe that anyone is nice 100% of the time. "

Bingo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think people often run theirselves ragged trying to be what they think others want them to be. Personally, I'd rather be true to myself and stand by my morals and beliefs - some will see me as negative, some as positive, but I don't have any control over how people perceive and interpret me being me. It's all far too subjective, what one person sees as positive, someone else will see as negative. Am I "nice" all the time? No,absolutely not, I'm human, with human thoughts and emotions - but I don't believe that anyone is nice 100% of the time. "

Exactly

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

We done a lot of support and mentoring and still get emails from people we met years ago saying thank you. But a lot is informal, they people who’ve had a positive impact on me include my staff and kids, people in here , authors, celebrities influence is far and wide

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all have influence on others. Some will be known and others unknown. Some positive and some negative.

I like to think I have a mainly positive influence on those I am knowingly directly involved with (although at times I'm sure there'd be some negative in there too).

On a forum like Fab I'm sure some will see my involvement as positive and some negative but I will still be having an influence here purely by participating.

As always though I never think there is an absolute either/or positive/negative binary choice - it will be a sliding scale.

Now cheer up and get your fecking feet off the furniture

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Positive- I have a talent for calming people, this helps me to negotiate volatile situations and lower tempers

Negative- I have a simmering you only live once let's do it attitude, let's put responsibility to one side and have fun regardless of the trouble we reap from it

I like all sides of my personality tbh as its what makes me, ME "

Your last paragraph resonates. Liking yourself must have an impact on how others are influenced by you. People pick up on it.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

On Holibobs


"I've been given a couple of compliments and messages about my positivity over my time here.

I only get negative about negative people, but even then - that's having trying to turn it around. "

You rarely are negative though x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shouldn't think i have much impact on people i met but always been complimented on my kids ,how well behaved and lovely especially when they were young.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"I think people often run theirselves ragged trying to be what they think others want them to be. Personally, I'd rather be true to myself and stand by my morals and beliefs - some will see me as negative, some as positive, but I don't have any control over how people perceive and interpret me being me. It's all far too subjective, what one person sees as positive, someone else will see as negative. Am I "nice" all the time? No,absolutely not, I'm human, with human thoughts and emotions - but I don't believe that anyone is nice 100% of the time. "

Exactly it’s more important to be authentic than a people pleaser. I love my old grumpy boss, she used to shout and swear at me , usually when I deserved it , but very wise, she didn’t care much what people though but was an awesome boss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think people often run theirselves ragged trying to be what they think others want them to be. Personally, I'd rather be true to myself and stand by my morals and beliefs - some will see me as negative, some as positive, but I don't have any control over how people perceive and interpret me being me. It's all far too subjective, what one person sees as positive, someone else will see as negative. Am I "nice" all the time? No,absolutely not, I'm human, with human thoughts and emotions - but I don't believe that anyone is nice 100% of the time. "

Yep. There you go. Agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Shouldn't think i have much impact on people i met but always been complimented on my kids ,how well behaved and lovely especially when they were young."

You will have had an impact on people you've met just in the act of meeting them. Just smiling at someone you walk past will have had an impact.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Shouldn't think i have much impact on people i met but always been complimented on my kids ,how well behaved and lovely especially when they were young.

You will have had an impact on people you've met just in the act of meeting them. Just smiling at someone you walk past will have had an impact. "

True. What made me ponder this, was about how people perceive themselves. Sometimes were not aware of the impact little gestures can have on others?

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By *abasaurus RexMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

I think we all impact one another whether we mean to or not really. Likewise, I think we are all impacted by others when we intend to be or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Shouldn't think i have much impact on people i met but always been complimented on my kids ,how well behaved and lovely especially when they were young.

You will have had an impact on people you've met just in the act of meeting them. Just smiling at someone you walk past will have had an impact.

True. What made me ponder this, was about how people perceive themselves. Sometimes were not aware of the impact little gestures can have on others?"

I suppose the impact I is not at the forefront of my mind when I am interacting with others. I've been 'nice' and 'nasty' at times to people close to me so each of those times will have had a certain impact.

The majority of the time I am not intentionally malicious or nasty (but have been at times) and if I feel like smiling at someone in the street then I will but it's not a given.

I do me and that's all I can do. How that impacts others is for them to decide.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can't lie, I've been told by loads of people I've had a positive impact on them.

The ones who I impact negatively as they perceive it. Well, I reckon it's coz I'm not afraid to stand up to their bullshit, slyness and bullying tactics."

Same.

I always try to have a positive impact on people and lots of people have told me that I have, but I do seem to make enemies out of bullies and manipulative people, so it varies depending on who you ask

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I try to leave situations better than I found them. I don't always succeed, but I know I've always done my best.

Also it's all interconnected. Bad for one person is good for another, and there are choices to be made.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try and have a positive impact on people i meet, but then some people don't have that attitude towards me and need hitting around the head with a frozen mop

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think positive- I’m told so so I think I’m in the right track! I always treat people with kindness and respect. I don’t judge and care passionately about my friends and family.

I will always be honest and upfront with people but try and do it kindly!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

We all influence each other.

We are all influenced.

We each influence for the better and for the worse.

Influence can be as fluid as osmosis or as tangible as manipulation.

I'm with Princess Peach who brings perception into the arena.

Quite often it's the 'lovely' people doing the manipulation.

I prefer to judge over time and by behaviour...... so many here start threads saying how lovely they are. So many in reality constantly tell you how lovely they are and how awful others are ..... I more often than not find the opposite to be true.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

oooh oooh oooh! Forgot to make it about me........ In my daily life I have a positive affect on all I meet. Everyone.

The negativity I give out is generally honesty in giving sought out opinions when someone wanted an arse lick.

In other words...... they asked for an opinion and didn't like the answer cos it wasn't the one they wanted.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

P. Fooking S. Im very tactful ........ but if you ask for honesty.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am what I am

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"I am what I am "

And what you are ...........

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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

I'm abit of both, I have no intention of changing, if people don't like me that's up to them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would like to think I have a positive influence on people as regards bringing the best out of them in they sports they partake in ,to make them believe in them selves and at work on encouraging apprentice's to gain confidence in themselves and their ability...but it's not really for me to say either way but there have been those that l have met over the years since and have said that they totally enjoyed working with me at the time they were which was nice to hear .

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?


"Quite often it's the 'lovely' people doing the manipulation.

I prefer to judge over time and by behaviour...... so many here start threads saying how lovely they are. So many in reality constantly tell you how lovely they are and how awful others are ..... I more often than not find the opposite to be true. "

This. I'd much rather deal with someone who is openly a bit of an arse at times, but is honest (pretty much how I perceive myself to be), than someone who is falsely nice all the time in public and to my face, but being really quite vile behind my back.

To me, being dishonest and false is much worse than not being "nice" occasionally. The world isn't all fluffy clouds and rainbows, so I don't know why anyone thinks people should be 100% of the time. I've said it before in the forum (and got slated for it), but I think a much more realistic standard to aim for is to just not be deliberately unkind to people.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Correct.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"Quite often it's the 'lovely' people doing the manipulation.

I prefer to judge over time and by behaviour...... so many here start threads saying how lovely they are. So many in reality constantly tell you how lovely they are and how awful others are ..... I more often than not find the opposite to be true.

This. I'd much rather deal with someone who is openly a bit of an arse at times, but is honest (pretty much how I perceive myself to be), than someone who is falsely nice all the time in public and to my face, but being really quite vile behind my back.

To me, being dishonest and false is much worse than not being "nice" occasionally. The world isn't all fluffy clouds and rainbows, so I don't know why anyone thinks people should be 100% of the time. I've said it before in the forum (and got slated for it), but I think a much more realistic standard to aim for is to just not be deliberately unkind to people. "

Boom.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Quite often it's the 'lovely' people doing the manipulation.

I prefer to judge over time and by behaviour...... so many here start threads saying how lovely they are. So many in reality constantly tell you how lovely they are and how awful others are ..... I more often than not find the opposite to be true.

This. I'd much rather deal with someone who is openly a bit of an arse at times, but is honest (pretty much how I perceive myself to be), than someone who is falsely nice all the time in public and to my face, but being really quite vile behind my back.

To me, being dishonest and false is much worse than not being "nice" occasionally. The world isn't all fluffy clouds and rainbows, so I don't know why anyone thinks people should be 100% of the time. I've said it before in the forum (and got slated for it), but I think a much more realistic standard to aim for is to just not be deliberately unkind to people. "

Indeed. I put myself out to to be neither positive or negative but neutral and natural.

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I’m not sure I have much of an influence on people, it’s just that people I love/like/get along with can count on me to point out their good bits when they don’t think they have any, to give them a little helping hand on their way to being stronger and more forward ( for want of a better word) with their own confidence and thoughts.

I guess I am sort of smiley all the time but don’t let that fool you, I have a heart of steel and a spirit that can’t be broken, I want everyone I love/interact with to feel like that too

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"Quite often it's the 'lovely' people doing the manipulation.

I prefer to judge over time and by behaviour...... so many here start threads saying how lovely they are. So many in reality constantly tell you how lovely they are and how awful others are ..... I more often than not find the opposite to be true.

This. I'd much rather deal with someone who is openly a bit of an arse at times, but is honest (pretty much how I perceive myself to be), than someone who is falsely nice all the time in public and to my face, but being really quite vile behind my back.

To me, being dishonest and false is much worse than not being "nice" occasionally. The world isn't all fluffy clouds and rainbows, so I don't know why anyone thinks people should be 100% of the time. I've said it before in the forum (and got slated for it), but I think a much more realistic standard to aim for is to just not be deliberately unkind to people. "

Agreed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" Do you think you have influence on others, be it a negative one or a positive one?

If negative why and do you work to change this?

If positive who told you this was the case? "

I try to have a positive impact and people that I have managed at work have not wanted to be managed by others after me so I hope I had an impact.

I guess I can have a negative impact sometimes too and having counselling helps me own that where I recognise it so that I can work out what I could have done differently

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

Worked in some challenging settings let's say not one who's scared of ruffling few feathers but the reward was always when people were ready to move on so came to thank me..

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I don't set out to influence or impact others - if I do it's purely coincidental to me being me - I don't do agendas or fakery or faux niceness - I just do me...and don't know how to do anyone else

Plus I'm a terrible liar I have too many "tells"

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Quite often it's the 'lovely' people doing the manipulation.

I prefer to judge over time and by behaviour...... so many here start threads saying how lovely they are. So many in reality constantly tell you how lovely they are and how awful others are ..... I more often than not find the opposite to be true.

This. I'd much rather deal with someone who is openly a bit of an arse at times, but is honest (pretty much how I perceive myself to be), than someone who is falsely nice all the time in public and to my face, but being really quite vile behind my back.

To me, being dishonest and false is much worse than not being "nice" occasionally. The world isn't all fluffy clouds and rainbows, so I don't know why anyone thinks people should be 100% of the time. I've said it before in the forum (and got slated for it), but I think a much more realistic standard to aim for is to just not be deliberately unkind to people.

Boom.

"

Boom shake the room

Having recently been made aware of some of that false niceness with a dose of publically taking the moral high ground while dredging the sewers privately thrown in it's not something I find particularly endearing at all.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?


"I don't set out to influence or impact others - if I do it's purely coincidental to me being me - I don't do agendas or fakery or faux niceness - I just do me...and don't know how to do anyone else

Plus I'm a terrible liar I have too many "tells" "

Me too, I have no poker face whatsoever

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I don't set out to influence or impact others - if I do it's purely coincidental to me being me - I don't do agendas or fakery or faux niceness - I just do me...and don't know how to do anyone else

Plus I'm a terrible liar I have too many "tells"

Me too, I have no poker face whatsoever "

Not a huge fan of Lady Gaga myself either

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe we are all connected so inevitably indirectly or directly we influence each other less or more.

I have had lots of feedback over the years both motivational and developmental from people close and intimate and those more loosely connected to me.

I’ve spent two years in a learning community, getting face to face feedback of the most personal nature at times when I have displayed my deepest vulnerabilities. I even get feedback on here quite frequently too.

I think I am aware of my impact both positively and negatively, but no doubt there are still blind spots or areas that I am aware of that I haven’t managed to change that I could.

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Lanzarote

Been told i am blunt but honest and do not beat about the bush. My best friend said this is a good thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Been told i am blunt but honest and do not beat about the bush. My best friend said this is a good thing."

I also see it as a good thing, im the same!

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?


"I believe we are all connected so inevitably indirectly or directly we influence each other less or more.

I have had lots of feedback over the years both motivational and developmental from people close and intimate and those more loosely connected to me.

I’ve spent two years in a learning community, getting face to face feedback of the most personal nature at times when I have displayed my deepest vulnerabilities. I even get feedback on here quite frequently too.

I think I am aware of my impact both positively and negatively, but no doubt there are still blind spots or areas that I am aware of that I haven’t managed to change that I could."

When you talk of change, I'm curious to know what the driving force is behind that desire to change. Is it for yourself, or for how you feel that others perceive that part of you that you would like them to see differently?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think people often run theirselves ragged trying to be what they think others want them to be. Personally, I'd rather be true to myself and stand by my morals and beliefs - some will see me as negative, some as positive, but I don't have any control over how people perceive and interpret me being me. It's all far too subjective, what one person sees as positive, someone else will see as negative. Am I "nice" all the time? No,absolutely not, I'm human, with human thoughts and emotions - but I don't believe that anyone is nice 100% of the time. "

Very well said!

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch


"Been told i am blunt but honest and do not beat about the bush. My best friend said this is a good thing."

Likewise and those that know me know I don’t use fluffy words for effect. I won’t tell you what you want to hear to make you feel good. I’ll give you my honest opinion - many a time when i friends came for advice, or even after a counselling session at work, they would comment ‘that’s why I ask you, you’ll just tell me straight if I’m being an idiot and to sort it out with options how’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe I have a positive impact on people’s lives. Not everyone, I’m sure I piss off plenty of people but that’s life. The ones I want in my life hopefully feel slightly enriched by my being involved

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By *otmale5Man
over a year ago

glasgow

Yes

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea


" Do you think you have influence on others, be it a negative one or a positive one? "

I have absolutely no idea.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

I have students I taught 7-8yrs ago who keep in touch, send me Christmas e-cards and Happy New Year messages. Why? Because I had (and in some cases continue) to have a positive impact on them. I'm the person that friends, colleagues, students and family come to for help and advice and they always get it. I'm the one who jumps in the car at 3am to rescue a family member in distress and the one to clear up the resultant mess. I do this despite constant pain and issues with my disability. I support certain family members financially (I recently gifted a tumble dryer and a vacuum cleaner) and generally am the glue that keeps things together for others.

I do sometimes resent this role, which I seem to have occupied since I was a child, because who do I go to for help? I've been the one to keep my own head in order, for example, in coming to terms with acquiring disability at the age of 31.

All of the above I do whilst working FT too and voluntary work on the committee of a wheelchair sports team.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

No, I keep myself to myself. I am not interested in influencing people I don't know.

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I like to think I have a positive effect on those who know me. Not all though, I know some dislike me. I cant be positive 24/7, I know I'm a debbie downer sometimes. My friends who like me, like my mostly positive outlook, the fact that I'm honest but diplomatic and that I am a good listener x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I believe we are all connected so inevitably indirectly or directly we influence each other less or more.

I have had lots of feedback over the years both motivational and developmental from people close and intimate and those more loosely connected to me.

I’ve spent two years in a learning community, getting face to face feedback of the most personal nature at times when I have displayed my deepest vulnerabilities. I even get feedback on here quite frequently too.

I think I am aware of my impact both positively and negatively, but no doubt there are still blind spots or areas that I am aware of that I haven’t managed to change that I could.

When you talk of change, I'm curious to know what the driving force is behind that desire to change. Is it for yourself, or for how you feel that others perceive that part of you that you would like them to see differently? "

It’s me. If I see incongruities between my espoused values and how others experience me in other words my actions don’t match my words I endeavour to close the gap. Or another way between my intentions, thoughts and feelings, behaviour and the effect it has compared with what I intend. If I am making invalid assumptions about what appears to be reality I’ll update those.

If I am thinking about things in a way that is no longer serves a good purpose I might seek to change that.

I believe we live in relationship to each other and seek more mutually gratifying relationships. So if there are things that I think are ‘right’ for me to change I’ll see if I can change it.

I think those things I do change are about becoming an increasingly integrated individual. Sometimes the change I make may mean others, dislike me more. I’m ok with that.

As a younger man I disliked personal conflict and would avoid it. That meant I repressed my anger and tried to keep a lid on it. Unfortunately it meant I acted that anger out in dramatic ways when the pressure cook blew a valve.

I learned new ways to deal with my anger and to process it in more healthy ways. One way being that I learned to express it much more directly in a more controlled way or to use it to take action. Some of that meant that I was liked less but I felt I was able to be more authentic.

That took me years to learn and change and I am still learning about how deal with anger more effectively and increasingly healthy ways.

I’m not sure I answered your question though?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think I've had much impact on anyone, to be honest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I keep getting told to stop being so cheerful at work - not always sure how to take that tbf. But that surely means I try to have a positive influence?

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?


"I believe we are all connected so inevitably indirectly or directly we influence each other less or more.

I have had lots of feedback over the years both motivational and developmental from people close and intimate and those more loosely connected to me.

I’ve spent two years in a learning community, getting face to face feedback of the most personal nature at times when I have displayed my deepest vulnerabilities. I even get feedback on here quite frequently too.

I think I am aware of my impact both positively and negatively, but no doubt there are still blind spots or areas that I am aware of that I haven’t managed to change that I could.

When you talk of change, I'm curious to know what the driving force is behind that desire to change. Is it for yourself, or for how you feel that others perceive that part of you that you would like them to see differently?

It’s me. If I see incongruities between my espoused values and how others experience me in other words my actions don’t match my words I endeavour to close the gap. Or another way between my intentions, thoughts and feelings, behaviour and the effect it has compared with what I intend. If I am making invalid assumptions about what appears to be reality I’ll update those.

If I am thinking about things in a way that is no longer serves a good purpose I might seek to change that.

I believe we live in relationship to each other and seek more mutually gratifying relationships. So if there are things that I think are ‘right’ for me to change I’ll see if I can change it.

I think those things I do change are about becoming an increasingly integrated individual. Sometimes the change I make may mean others, dislike me more. I’m ok with that.

As a younger man I disliked personal conflict and would avoid it. That meant I repressed my anger and tried to keep a lid on it. Unfortunately it meant I acted that anger out in dramatic ways when the pressure cook blew a valve.

I learned new ways to deal with my anger and to process it in more healthy ways. One way being that I learned to express it much more directly in a more controlled way or to use it to take action. Some of that meant that I was liked less but I felt I was able to be more authentic.

That took me years to learn and change and I am still learning about how deal with anger more effectively and increasingly healthy ways.

I’m not sure I answered your question though?"

That's an interesting take on things - thank you for answering my question.

The bit that stood out for me was your actions not matching your intent. While I think that's something that we all should at least be aware of, I do stand by my earlier statement that we can't control how others perceive us. For every person that thinks you acted differently to your intentions, there will be another that thinks you did. As the saying goes, you can't please all of the people all of the time. But if I genuinely believed that my actions didn't match my beliefs, then that is absolutely something that I would examine internally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I believe we are all connected so inevitably indirectly or directly we influence each other less or more.

I have had lots of feedback over the years both motivational and developmental from people close and intimate and those more loosely connected to me.

I’ve spent two years in a learning community, getting face to face feedback of the most personal nature at times when I have displayed my deepest vulnerabilities. I even get feedback on here quite frequently too.

I think I am aware of my impact both positively and negatively, but no doubt there are still blind spots or areas that I am aware of that I haven’t managed to change that I could.

When you talk of change, I'm curious to know what the driving force is behind that desire to change. Is it for yourself, or for how you feel that others perceive that part of you that you would like them to see differently?

It’s me. If I see incongruities between my espoused values and how others experience me in other words my actions don’t match my words I endeavour to close the gap. Or another way between my intentions, thoughts and feelings, behaviour and the effect it has compared with what I intend. If I am making invalid assumptions about what appears to be reality I’ll update those.

If I am thinking about things in a way that is no longer serves a good purpose I might seek to change that.

I believe we live in relationship to each other and seek more mutually gratifying relationships. So if there are things that I think are ‘right’ for me to change I’ll see if I can change it.

I think those things I do change are about becoming an increasingly integrated individual. Sometimes the change I make may mean others, dislike me more. I’m ok with that.

As a younger man I disliked personal conflict and would avoid it. That meant I repressed my anger and tried to keep a lid on it. Unfortunately it meant I acted that anger out in dramatic ways when the pressure cook blew a valve.

I learned new ways to deal with my anger and to process it in more healthy ways. One way being that I learned to express it much more directly in a more controlled way or to use it to take action. Some of that meant that I was liked less but I felt I was able to be more authentic.

That took me years to learn and change and I am still learning about how deal with anger more effectively and increasingly healthy ways.

I’m not sure I answered your question though?

That's an interesting take on things - thank you for answering my question.

The bit that stood out for me was your actions not matching your intent. While I think that's something that we all should at least be aware of, I do stand by my earlier statement that we can't control how others perceive us. For every person that thinks you acted differently to your intentions, there will be another that thinks you did. As the saying goes, you can't please all of the people all of the time. But if I genuinely believed that my actions didn't match my beliefs, then that is absolutely something that I would examine internally. "

That one plagued me for a bit too Lily. My first port of call is test my assumptions by checking out my own understanding of what I have done, secondly to seek to understand the frame of reference of the other person, thirdly I check out different perspectives If possible (so it’s like doing research on my actions). Then I choose a response. If I shortcut that process I usually try at least do the first and second parts.

One really useful presupposition I do start from is the meaning of communication is the response you get. I realised it was a much better investment to change my behaviour if I didn’t get an intended outcome than to try and change someone else’s. I may influence them but only they can choose to change. As a result I have earned to adapt quickly in changing situations and with people with very different frames of reference or perspectives to me. If I just talk about my work life it has enabled me to be much more effective than I was when I was younger, more efficient and my actions are probably more ethical and legitimate as a result. I don’t get it right first time frequently in complex situations but I’m willing to be vulnerable and admit when I don’t and seek solutions. I believe the important challenges in life have to be addressed collaboratively so I seek to maximising the chances of mutual solutions being found.

You have got me waffling on now. I don’t know whether that is any clearer now?

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By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

[Removed by poster at 03/08/20 16:53:59]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On here probably not but I am who & what I am, can’t make people like you etc if they choose to it’s their preference

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

[Removed by poster at 03/08/20 17:00:07]

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I will both negatively and positively impact people, that's what makes me human. I don't actively go out of my way to negatively impact people. But it's inevitable that I will, sometimes from being thoughtless, my own lack of clarity or because the other person will see the ill of my actions even if there aren't any. I am not perfect, neither have I ever claimed to be. On here I know I have had a positive impact on others, and this makes me happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I will both negatively and positively impact people, that's what makes me human. I don't actively go out of my way to negatively impact people. But it's inevitable that I will, sometimes from being thoughtless, my own lack of clarity or because the other person will see the ill of my actions even if there aren't any. I am not perfect, neither have I ever claimed to be. On here I know I have had a positive impact on others, and this makes me happy "

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By *ouanna JoWoman
over a year ago

A little village

I’ve been told by a number of my clients that I have a positive impact on their mental health, which helps as it means I’ve done my job well.

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By *uenevereWoman
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

My job is all about trying to have a positive impact on people's lives.

I'm not always successful, but I try.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I will both negatively and positively impact people, that's what makes me human. I don't actively go out of my way to negatively impact people. But it's inevitable that I will, sometimes from being thoughtless, my own lack of clarity or because the other person will see the ill of my actions even if there aren't any. I am not perfect, neither have I ever claimed to be. On here I know I have had a positive impact on others, and this makes me happy "

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By *onsey83Couple
over a year ago

Glasgow

[Removed by poster at 03/08/20 18:49:10]

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By *onsey83Couple
over a year ago

Glasgow


"I think people often run theirselves ragged trying to be what they think others want them to be. Personally, I'd rather be true to myself and stand by my morals and beliefs - some will see me as negative, some as positive, but I don't have any control over how people perceive and interpret me being me. It's all far too subjective, what one person sees as positive, someone else will see as negative. Am I "nice" all the time? No,absolutely not, I'm human, with human thoughts and emotions - but I don't believe that anyone is nice 100% of the time. "

I couldn't of put it better myself. T (Mrs)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do try to have a positive impact on the people I meet but I also have a shitty temper when it comes to fake, self centred asswipes...plus I have a face that tells you what I'm thinking before I open my mouth. I am also a drain which ain't great.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think we all have an impact in one way or another. For one, what I do will be positive while for another negative. I hope that on balance I have a positive impact though!

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

I am still friends with a lot of people from my first school so I guess I'm doing ok!

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Well i cheer my mum up if no-one else.

That’ll do me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only thing I impact is the length of people's block list.

Gets longer after being perved by me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Both! Life to me is give and take. I focus in the giving and then when I need people they're usually there for me and I always try to be there for them, whether that be emotionally, physically or with some form of knowledge or experience or what I'd term a "growth moment" we share (nothing pervy!). Sometimes it can be win/win or give/give and that's evidence of a beautiful and rare connection or friendship imho....

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