FabSwingers.com forum: Reality is way better than fantasy

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We’re wired to expect the world to be brighter and more meaningful and more obviously interesting than it actually is (sometimes). And when we realize that it isn’t, we start looking around for the real world.

Are you guilty of having unrealistic expectations of what your life should be? Has reality turned out to be far better when you embraced it?

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By *ouanna JoWoman
over a year ago

A little village

I’m definitely guilty of having unrealistic expectations of myself, others and the world. I’ve had to work hard at living mindfully in the moment and not only accepting but appreciating reality and what I do have. It’s a work in progress. But I’m generally much happier when I’m able to accept (and feel gratitude for) reality.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’m definitely guilty of having unrealistic expectations of myself, others and the world. I’ve had to work hard at living mindfully in the moment and not only accepting but appreciating reality and what I do have. It’s a work in progress. But I’m generally much happier when I’m able to accept (and feel gratitude for) reality.

My expectation that this thread would be filled up by now was unrealistic!

but yes...living in a moment and a little acceptance of the simple things that can make you happy.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I used to have unrealistic dreams of escaping my relationship, then as I was set free reality was able to resume, I tend to swing too much to that side now.

My daydreaming about fantastical notions of escaping resumed in lockdown, but going back to work has grounded me.

Finding that happy balance again is just around the corner

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love reality. The quiet life and the small things.

But fantasy is sometimes better than the actual reality (have a couple of exs where it should have stayed fantasy )

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve learnt that people never cease to amaze me , sometimes good sometimes bloody awful ! I also know if I can go to bed each night knowing I’ve done the right thing , done my best and I’m a good person then I’m satisfied with that

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

I think that one of the secrets to happiness is enjoying what you have rather than wishing for what you don’t have. I remind myself that everything I have now (certainly in terms of material possessions) is something I once wanted. Also, experiences are more valuable than objects.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve been guilty of living in a bit of a fairy tale land sometimes. I like it here in Nora world

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'm fairly realistic about my life but a little less about what I can achieve in the shorter term. I try not to mislead others by making big cuts to what I tell them I can do, in the hope that that's a more accurate expectation. From experience, the hours and days of unlimited energy and results has guided me to want to downplay things to a level that leaves me calmer and without the pressure of hitting results that could wear me out and leave me unsatisfied.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think that one of the secrets to happiness is enjoying what you have rather than wishing for what you don’t have. I remind myself that everything I have now (certainly in terms of material possessions) is something I once wanted. Also, experiences are more valuable than objects. "

I'm so with you on possessions. I've been ruthlessly clearing out possessions of late. So much means so little.

To quote fight club. The things you own, own you.

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By *meliaeWoman
over a year ago

Chester

I’ve learnt to only fantasise about things I can have an impact on, where I want to get in life etc. That way the fantasy can become a goal and I can spend my reality working towards it.

Otherwise, I stick to reality, being in the moment and not setting high expectations from others.

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By *ouanna JoWoman
over a year ago

A little village

I often remind myself when I’m having a bad day at work that only 5 years ago, being where I am now was all I wanted. It’s helps me to re-appreciate it (not a word but you know what I mean!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm so with you on possessions. I've been ruthlessly clearing out possessions of late. So much means so little.

To quote fight club. The things you own, own you."

All of this. Trying to get rid of stuff, and only have experiences/quality time as gifts.

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By *ouanna JoWoman
over a year ago

A little village

"I’ve been guilty of living in a bit of a fairy tale land sometimes. I like it here in Nora world

I like Louanna world too so I know what you mean.

But that world also has a negative side that sometimes makes me wish I had more or was more than I am. That’s when I know it’s time to re join the real world...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve been guilty of living in a bit of a fairy tale land sometimes. I like it here in Nora world

I like Louanna world too so I know what you mean.

But that world also has a negative side that sometimes makes me wish I had more or was more than I am. That’s when I know it’s time to re join the real world... "

We all have those times lovely. Some just show it more than others. I could be dying inside and at my worst and nobody would ever know. Sometimes that’s not always a good thing though. It’s good to talk, it’s just something I don’t do

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

I'm so with you on possessions. I've been ruthlessly clearing out possessions of late. So much means so little.

To quote fight club. The things you own, own you."

Yes, completely agree.

The more stuff you have the more stuff you have to worry about.

I often have a clear out. I try and use the test, is it useful? (Have I used it in the last year). Is it beautiful (does it stil bring me pleasure).

If something can’t pass either test it goes.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

The years have taught me that having low expectations and remaining grounded and realistic, whilst remaining positive, is the best way to approach life - there's lots I'd "like" to happen but I don't "expect" it to, or that it will - has served me fairly well

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By *ouanna JoWoman
over a year ago

A little village

"I’ve been guilty of living in a bit of a fairy tale land sometimes. I like it here in Nora world

I like Louanna world too so I know what you mean.

But that world also has a negative side that sometimes makes me wish I had more or was more than I am. That’s when I know it’s time to re join the real world...

my inbox is always open to you lovely x

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

Always thought i would be happily married and live in a happy home filled with joy. It never happened that way so here i am growing old alone but to be honest it is not too bad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve been guilty of living in a bit of a fairy tale land sometimes. I like it here in Nora world

I like Louanna world too so I know what you mean.

But that world also has a negative side that sometimes makes me wish I had more or was more than I am. That’s when I know it’s time to re join the real world...

my inbox is always open to you lovely x "

Ah no I’m fine gorgeous. Just life sometimes. No different to anyone else I’m sure! xxxx

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

"I’ve been guilty of living in a bit of a fairy tale land sometimes. I like it here in Nora world

I like Louanna world too so I know what you mean.

But that world also has a negative side that sometimes makes me wish I had more or was more than I am. That’s when I know it’s time to re join the real world... "

Social media and being bombarded with adverts doesn’t help either. As you said earlier, gratitude is an excellent weapon against the feeling of lack.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve been guilty of living in a bit of a fairy tale land sometimes. I like it here in Nora world

I like Louanna world too so I know what you mean.

But that world also has a negative side that sometimes makes me wish I had more or was more than I am. That’s when I know it’s time to re join the real world...

Social media and being bombarded with adverts doesn’t help either. As you said earlier, gratitude is an excellent weapon against the feeling of lack. "

You need a browser which blocks ads - makes the web a little be quieter.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Always thought i would be happily married and live in a happy home filled with joy. It never happened that way so here i am growing old alone but to be honest it is not too bad."

I guess it would be condescending to say that many people have been married and found unhappiness.

There's many lonely people in relationships. I hope you happen upon what matters.

I started this thread after buying a coffee and pastry this morning.

I noticed newspaper headlines, which to me seemed so full of petty drama and non stories. A celebrity claiming to have been terrified by a tyre blow out, a spat between two celebrities. I thought how sad if thats what your life is about.

Then I stopped and realised thats a horrid judgement...to them that may be a story of note, even if its a non event in my book.

I need another coffee! Or do I?

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Reality is often way better than reality. I'm one those who worries about everything, I can have a meltdown going out to see friends because of anxiety. But once I'm there I wonder what the heck was I worrying about. Same with presentations in work etc, get so worked up for nothing

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Reality is often way better than reality. I'm one those who worries about everything, I can have a meltdown going out to see friends because of anxiety. But once I'm there I wonder what the heck was I worrying about. Same with presentations in work etc, get so worked up for nothing

I hear you. I was anxious as a kid due to home circumstances. Everything worked me up.

Then I left young into a challenging world put under pressure...and suddenly I found I became addicted to uncertainty, pressure and risk. I think that's my pull to Fab!

Nothings ever quite what we think is it?

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I hear you. I was anxious as a kid due to home circumstances. Everything worked me up.

Then I left young into a challenging world put under pressure...and suddenly I found I became addicted to uncertainty, pressure and risk. I think that's my pull to Fab!

Nothings ever quite what we think is it? "

I'm not at all one of those people

I like pushing myself and yeah I kind of like it in a strange way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had my moments. I had very high expectations of people and their behaviour, it took me too long to realise the only one I should be expecting anything from is myself.

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan
over a year ago

Rochester, Kent

"Always thought i would be happily married and live in a happy home filled with joy. It never happened that way so here i am growing old alone but to be honest it is not too bad."

Exactly this.

I never thought I’d end up alone as much as I have been.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In our experience, fact has actually turned out in many cases to be more exciting and better than fiction. I had a fantasy, many years ago, and penned it into a story. It was about a lodger/friend of ours and how he eventually joined us for threesome fun. Little did I know, it would become a reality, and the reality was far better than my story, and way beyond my expectations !

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Nothing wrong with dreaming, I’m a strong believer that everything is created twice , once in the mind then again in reality.

What surprises me sometimes how few people do it and accept jobs hey hate, partners they don’t like , moan they are bored or unhappy and just pin everything on other people or one day winning the lottery.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I have a chaotic home life and I put the needs of others first. Daydreaming allows a little escape from that.

Nothing too epic, just a little “what if” now and then. However, the reality is usually a bit of a disappointment.

The real world, although a great place at times, can also be pretty cruel and unforgiving.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have a chaotic home life and I put the needs of others first. Daydreaming allows a little escape from that.

Nothing too epic, just a little “what if” now and then. However, the reality is usually a bit of a disappointment.

The real world, although a great place at times, can also be pretty cruel and unforgiving. "

I get that, and I'm guilty of indulgence in daydreaming. But I guess too much time in ones head can lead to a bumpy re-entry into the real worlds atmosphere? State the obvious alert...a balance of both is needed. After all much of what were exposed to commercially is a fantasy? Whens the last time you used a feminine hygiene product, and suddenly started doing aerobics, smiling and feeling euphoria as a consequence?

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

grounding.

Remind myself that this right now is just the human version of life and experience.

Becoming happy with the *who* we are leads to not really wanting or "needing" so much more.

Yes, nice things, relationships etc may make the human experience more comfortable and bring more meaning at times, but ultimately it also brings more cost both financially and emotionally.

My success isn't about what I've accumulated, it's about who I am and how caring and pure my soul is, but also allowing myself to be kind to my own soul, to protect my own soul.

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