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"I do. Something I'vd never had a problem with. Happy with what I've got "Working towards what you feel  | |||
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"I think some things that inspire others are also the same things that can make people harder on themselves and question what's wrong with them mentally. Whilst hearing words that *should* help you to embrace yourself, you find yourself stuck in a loop of "I wish I felt that way" but you don't, and don't know how to either. The switch just doesn't want to flick and it's normally a case of eventually it happens on its own and you don't even realise how or why. I think sometimes it comes when you resign yourself to one way, and then that relaxation of emotion towards it allows it the breathing space to do it's own thing naturally " Think I'm coming around to the same kind of thinking as you've described. Think it's about being at peace with yourself rather than having people tell you that your body is acceptable | |||
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"I think some things that inspire others are also the same things that can make people harder on themselves and question what's wrong with them mentally. Whilst hearing words that *should* help you to embrace yourself, you find yourself stuck in a loop of "I wish I felt that way" but you don't, and don't know how to either. The switch just doesn't want to flick and it's normally a case of eventually it happens on its own and you don't even realise how or why. I think sometimes it comes when you resign yourself to one way, and then that relaxation of emotion towards it allows it the breathing space to do it's own thing naturally Think I'm coming around to the same kind of thinking as you've described. Think it's about being at peace with yourself rather than having people tell you that your body is acceptable " Yep, like someone with depression being told by others they have nothing to be depressed about in an attempt to show them they do have positives in their life. It can't be forced just because someone else says so. | |||
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"I think some things that inspire others are also the same things that can make people harder on themselves and question what's wrong with them mentally. Whilst hearing words that *should* help you to embrace yourself, you find yourself stuck in a loop of "I wish I felt that way" but you don't, and don't know how to either. The switch just doesn't want to flick and it's normally a case of eventually it happens on its own and you don't even realise how or why. I think sometimes it comes when you resign yourself to one way, and then that relaxation of emotion towards it allows it the breathing space to do it's own thing naturally Think I'm coming around to the same kind of thinking as you've described. Think it's about being at peace with yourself rather than having people tell you that your body is acceptable Yep, like someone with depression being told by others they have nothing to be depressed about in an attempt to show them they do have positives in their life. It can't be forced just because someone else says so." Yes not thought of that analogy but definitely speaks volumes to me | |||
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"I have learnt to like my body over the years and swinging has certainly made me more confident in showing it off.x" I’m the same with regards to swinging, I didn’t think anyone else would ever fancy me and it turns out some do - who knew lol  | |||
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"I really hate the way I look and it's something I've always struggled with. I'm not sure I'll ever be happy with my body *shrug* " I hear you, I'm a work in progress, I'm better than I was but still not there yet. | |||
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"Being with a man that loves me and fancies me for what I am not what I could/should be like or look like has given me a lot more confidence in myself and my body x" Definitely agree that having someone fancy the pants off you helps a lot with body confidence x | |||
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"I have learnt to like my body over the years and swinging has certainly made me more confident in showing it off.x" Wish I could say the same .... if anything I’ve lost a little, well quite a lot, of my body confidence .... I think I’m suffering with “that certain age “ hang up .... I appear to have totally bought into it and it’s driving friends family mad lol xx | |||
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"I have learnt to like my body over the years and swinging has certainly made me more confident in showing it off.x" Is it the swinging and the photo taking for the site that has helped with your confidence? I've found that taking photos has helped mine x | |||
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"I think you’re body is beautiful OP Mrs P xx" Oh thank you, and I love the pic on your profile | |||
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"I think my body is vile. I'm not keen on my face either. It doesn't matter what anybody says I still feel the same." I know nothing I'll say will make a difference, but it isn't and I sincerely hope you see that one day | |||
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"I don't know much about body positivity as a movement really. What I do know is that love for my own body is from within. I couldn't tell you why I'm so comfortable in my own skin. I have an easy relationship with my body, its quirks, its many rolls, much cellulite, the scars, the stubborn hairs in random places, its stamina and the speed it moves despite appearances. For me body positivity is mental not physical. If I could explain how to get there I'd be much wealthier." I love the way you think, and that's the process I'm trying to work on now is to change my own perception of myself | |||
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"I personally struggle with body positivity - I’m not really sure what it means to me. But I know I couldn’t ever look in the mirror and truly deeply feel 100% at ease and happy with my reflection. There’s parts I like; parts I hate. I guess I’ve sort of accepted this as normal, rather than striving for complete acceptance. " I really struggle to, actually have now decided to look at myself in a mirror once a day. And because I'm not avoiding it as I normally would my own body is starting to look more normal to me, if that makes any sense whatsoever? | |||
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"I personally struggle with body positivity - I’m not really sure what it means to me. But I know I couldn’t ever look in the mirror and truly deeply feel 100% at ease and happy with my reflection. There’s parts I like; parts I hate. I guess I’ve sort of accepted this as normal, rather than striving for complete acceptance. I really struggle to, actually have now decided to look at myself in a mirror once a day. And because I'm not avoiding it as I normally would my own body is starting to look more normal to me, if that makes any sense whatsoever? "It does make a lot of sense. | |||
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"Happy with what I’ve got and I’m a realist... yes I’ve abused it and I’m not a teen anymore, so it’s like an old table and chairs,, it’s going to looked lived in and knocked about .. so I have a dad bod, but I’ve had fun getting it, so no regrets and comfortable with it "My body is definitely lived in too, and I'm guilty of comparing myself to my younger self something I need to stop doing. Glad you're happy in your own skin | |||
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"I think radical acceptance is an inner journey and I noticed that even as my body aged and became less conventionally attractive I felt better about it. Why? Because I am increasingly content within myself. As I understood myself better and stopped projecting so much of myself onto others I naturally became more comfortable in my own skin. Venturing onto naturist beaches and I to naturist spas really helped as there was something very therapeutic about spending time naked in the company of other naked people of all different colours, shapes and sizes. I developed a much broader view of the beauty of the human form and appreciated my own more." Think that's confidence in your own body, seriously envy you, working towards it | |||
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"I have a far from perfect body but i’ve accepted it. I spent most of my life being told to lose weight by people who were more overweight than me. People who let diets and the need to lose weight rule their life. It brought them nothing but misery. I got off that elevator and i subscribe to nobody’s body ideals. It’s the skin i live in, and it will do. " Same been told I'm like a back end of a bus when I was a lot slimmer than I am now. Definitely agree with having your own ideal just need to give my own head a good shake | |||
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"For me body positivity comes with confidence as well. Social media is a beast to people’s body image. It portrays images and standards of how they think people should look or be. They encourage actively To push people in alll manner of boxes from how they look to what they hang onto there bodies. Facebook Instagram ect all real people posting visual efforts of themselves to showcase themselves and it makes other people feel inadequate. And for a lot of these people it’s all an illusion. Yeah ya neighbours just had her 8th kid and already in her beach body after two weeks, and your their still with ya muffin top you been fighting to be rid of since child number 1 on whatever faddy diet the magazines are running. If you can look in the mirror, just look at your body, and forget about beach bod Betty and what ever bloggers being paid to sell you whatever dream and start to not give a fuck about what anyone else thinks then your on your way to body confidence. It ain’t an easy road and most possible never fully get there... but fuck me is your body.. your heart beats for a purpose and it gets you from a to b. You have the ability to change bits you don’t like (and you would if you hated them that much). Or think fuck that shit and actually enjoy the perfect imperfections and thus a new level of awesome confidence because you don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks of it it. That confidence right there is way better than a perfect size or stunning face" Love this philosophy you're so right, when I think of all the time and energy I waste on it. Or the thinking if I loose some weight I'll be happy. I need a good talking to sometimes | |||
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"Happy with what I’ve got and I’m a realist... yes I’ve abused it and I’m not a teen anymore, so it’s like an old table and chairs,, it’s going to looked lived in and knocked about .. so I have a dad bod, but I’ve had fun getting it, so no regrets and comfortable with it
My body is definitely lived in too, and I'm guilty of comparing myself to my younger self something I need to stop doing. Glad you're happy in your own skin "Cheers .. and ye, do yr best at stop thinking of what was... but if you’ve enjoyed getting to where u are.. that’s all that counts ... always said, what’s the use of putting a good body in the ground  | |||
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"I love my body and I have always done it. I train hard and diet harder then the last time and I like the result too "Glad you love your body as much | |||
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"Happy with what I’ve got and I’m a realist... yes I’ve abused it and I’m not a teen anymore, so it’s like an old table and chairs,, it’s going to looked lived in and knocked about .. so I have a dad bod, but I’ve had fun getting it, so no regrets and comfortable with it
My body is definitely lived in too, and I'm guilty of comparing myself to my younger self something I need to stop doing. Glad you're happy in your own skin
Cheers .. and ye, do yr best at stop thinking of what was... but if you’ve enjoyed getting to where u are.. that’s all that counts ... always said, what’s the use of putting a good body in the ground "Haha that's definitely one way of thinking about it | |||
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My weight does affect my confidence but if I’m happy with how I feel/look I’m very much this is me take me or leave me these days. That has come with age though. I never used to be like that. | |||
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"I love my body and I have always done it. I train hard and diet harder then the last time and I like the result too
Glad you love your body as much "Ty | |||
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"I love my body and I have always done it. I train hard and diet harder then the last time and I like the result too "What would you do if you couldn't train? Would you still love your body if it did change? | |||
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"I love my body and I have always done it. I train hard and diet harder then the last time and I like the result too
What would you do if you couldn't train? Would you still love your body if it did change? "Yes I would then I would just do the dieting so you still could be slim. | |||
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"I think radical acceptance is an inner journey and I noticed that even as my body aged and became less conventionally attractive I felt better about it. Why? Because I am increasingly content within myself. As I understood myself better and stopped projecting so much of myself onto others I naturally became more comfortable in my own skin. Venturing onto naturist beaches and I to naturist spas really helped as there was something very therapeutic about spending time naked in the company of other naked people of all different colours, shapes and sizes. I developed a much broader view of the beauty of the human form and appreciated my own more. Think that's confidence in your own body, seriously envy you, working towards it " Oh I don’t know about confidence in it, as I know bits aren’t functioning as well as they did, but that’s just my age. It doesn’t stop me appreciating my little finger even if it is struggling to open up easily. It’s just the body and the only one I’ve got. So disliking it no longer makes sense to me. Perhaps it’s just getting g old that helps | |||
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Love your brain first! | |||
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"With me it’s come with age. I used to be really body conscious and now I wish I was as fat as I thought I was 20 years ago! .
My weight does affect my confidence but if I’m happy with how I feel/look I’m very much this is me take me or leave me these days. That has come with age though. I never used to be like that. "I do the exact same thing and wonder what was I thinking when I was younger | |||
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"I think that the body positive movement can be a big plaster over things at times to be honest. It can be problematic - like if you're really unhappy about yourself, surely working on that and examining why is more important than saying fuck it, I'm fucking fabulous as I am. On the same hand I do think there's a lot to be said for acceptance of your body - it's not healthy to loathe parts of yourself and generally the happier you are, the more you're in a good place to fix what you see as your issues. Having typed all that, sometimes I really don't like who I see in the mirror. In my head I'm always going to weight almost 28st and even when I see photos of myself at my biggest I still think at times, "well Meli, you're still a fat fuck". I always think that maybe if I get down to this magical size I'll have my Cinderella moment. And I lose it but it doesn't quite happen because my head isn't there. I would love one day to be slim and sexy, the sort of woman who makes a man's head turn but I'm also disappointed that I have that mindset. Sometimes I genuinely love my body though. I think there's a balancing act of real self acceptance but also saying I'm not happy with how I am right now and I will change that but I'm not going to beat myself up about it in the interim. You (not specifically you OP) should learn to love the you as you are, and undo the unhealthy mental attitudes. That's real body confidence." I'm kind of similar have been much bigger than I am now. And it depends very much on my mental state on how I feel about myself. Really do think it's my brain that needs sorting out not my waist line | |||
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"I have never been comfortable in my own skin, even when there was not a thing wrong with it. I keep trying to come to terms with the way I am, but in trusty I don’t think I’ll ever accept the way I am....but I’m also ok with that because everything I can do to make me feel better I do, and the bits I can’t change will never ever change without surgery. But I am me. Despite my issues I’m confident and it never seems to put others off .....at least so far. I’m also aware that what I see in the mirror and perceive myself isn’t how others do. Acceptance is hard...tolerate a bit easier! "You seem to have it sussed, well more than I have. Working towards tolerance to it and resilience to the media around me | |||
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"I've no idea.... HOWEVER, when someone I don't know tells me something, or to think a certain way, I usually ask myself why, and what's in it for them? Or in this case how they're making a career out if it funded by advertising potentially.....
Love your brain first! "I try, but my brain isn't always the best | |||
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"For me body positivity has everything to do with a person’s emotional health. When we look at ourselves in that mirror, it’s not just the physical self staring back at us but the evidence of everything that we’ve experienced in life. If we’re currently in a good place, it’s easier to be kind to ourselves and smile. When we’re unhappy, we’re often so critical about our physical selves as it’s easier to deal with than our mental health. The Positivity movement? A nice marketing attempt but again, this is my opinion, a sticky plaster which when removed, rips off the scab and makes the wound bleed again." This is what I'm starting to think, maybe it's better to understand the why's not just say every body is beautiful, which goes over my head | |||
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"I've no idea.... HOWEVER, when someone I don't know tells me something, or to think a certain way, I usually ask myself why, and what's in it for them? Or in this case how they're making a career out if it funded by advertising potentially.....
Love your brain first!
I try, but my brain isn't always the best "That reply^ is exactly what I mean. Don't be down on your mind and mental health and then easy on your physical health with excuses given to you by someone who couldn't give a shit..... Not YOU personally my lovely, I mean ppl in general. Some dickhead is always trying to make money out of our insecurities....  | |||
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"I think so long as you're healthy (which is between you and your doctor, not for anyone else to judge) then everyone should live their bodies. No one is perfect, we all have flaws. It takes a lot of confidence not to care about them though, I'm not sure I'm 100% there yet, but working on it." Think that's the thing confidence, we're all working on it | |||
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"I've no idea.... HOWEVER, when someone I don't know tells me something, or to think a certain way, I usually ask myself why, and what's in it for them? Or in this case how they're making a career out if it funded by advertising potentially.....
Love your brain first!
I try, but my brain isn't always the best
That reply^ is exactly what I mean. Don't be down on your mind and mental health and then easy on your physical health with excuses given to you by someone who couldn't give a shit..... Not YOU personally my lovely, I mean ppl in general. Some dickhead is always trying to make money out of our insecurities.... "I know you didn't mean me personally, although I have issues with my own self perception. I'm lucky enough that the science part of my brain stops me from thinking there's an easy solution to it. And yes agree there are far too many idiots willing to exploit people | |||
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"I think the negative feelings come from knowing you can do more. My body negativity comes from knowing I could have looked after it better. I know when I've eaten too much of certain foods or not exercised enough. I know what my body CAN look like when I commit 100%, but the balance then comes with what's actually realistic. So I make sure I eat sensibly and exercise, but I won't beat myself up for letting go sometimes. I should have gone for a run tonight, and I've just sunk a roast dinner, but I'm feeling blargh, so I know I'll definitely make running club on Sunday! Follow your instincts, learn to love the basics you've got! Including my ridiculous pixie ears and "mum boobs"! Looking wobbly; exercise to firm and tone it up. Piling on the pounds; have a little assessment of your diet. At the end of the day, we're all different shapes and sizes, but that's what makes us all fascinating! "Yes that's what I need to learn, need to find that balance that you appear to have | |||
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"I've no idea.... HOWEVER, when someone I don't know tells me something, or to think a certain way, I usually ask myself why, and what's in it for them? Or in this case how they're making a career out if it funded by advertising potentially.....
Love your brain first!
I try, but my brain isn't always the best
That reply^ is exactly what I mean. Don't be down on your mind and mental health and then easy on your physical health with excuses given to you by someone who couldn't give a shit..... Not YOU personally my lovely, I mean ppl in general. Some dickhead is always trying to make money out of our insecurities....
I know you didn't mean me personally, although I have issues with my own self perception. I'm lucky enough that the science part of my brain stops me from thinking there's an easy solution to it. And yes agree there are far too many idiots willing to exploit people "I do it for a living myself, innit.... | |||
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"For me my body loathing is so deep routed that no matter how hard I try to accept myself I hit a wall of doubt. Other people's words are lovely but I find it impossible to believe them. " I'm the same even if someone says something nice I'm like yeah but you don't see xyz. I've annoyed many a person with me being so negative about myself | |||
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" The rather obvious statement from me, is that no amount of input from others saying you should accept and be happy with yourself, will ever truly change your mind. But! Its always amazing how differently people see you, compared to your perception of yourself? Were conditioned...still...in these modern times to see certain looks as preferable. You can always enjoy yourself no matter how you look." You are as you often are very right. And we both know I'm a complete and utter wimp with how I perceive myself | |||
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"My personal observation is that body positivity is something you're born with. It's an attitude towards yourself and the opinion of others that allows you to be realistic about yourself and those opinions. It's also about not comparing yourself to other people. I think you can learn it but from what I see this is difficult and has to be constantly reinforced. I feel lucky that my head accepts the 99 good comments and ignores the 1 perceived negative rather than the other way round" That's a really interesting viewpoint on it and holds a bit of truth to me. My dad said I was like the back end of a bus even when I was very slim. Guess it's sometimes hard to unlearn the body negativity | |||
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"I am me and only me. My body is not bad there’s always room for improvement. I would say I’m happy with what I’ve got at age I am "Get in well done | |||
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"For me my body loathing is so deep routed that no matter how hard I try to accept myself I hit a wall of doubt. Other people's words are lovely but I find it impossible to believe them. I'm the same even if someone says something nice I'm like yeah but you don't see xyz. I've annoyed many a person with me being so negative about myself " I think maybe it can "annoy" others as feeling that way can influence one's interaction and enjoyment of life which in turn affects others, who simply want to perhaps love or cherish you regardless? Like I said earlier, regardless of shape or appearance, you should still be able to enjoy yourself and have fun? | |||
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"For me my body loathing is so deep routed that no matter how hard I try to accept myself I hit a wall of doubt. Other people's words are lovely but I find it impossible to believe them. I'm the same even if someone says something nice I'm like yeah but you don't see xyz. I've annoyed many a person with me being so negative about myself I think maybe it can "annoy" others as feeling that way can influence one's interaction and enjoyment of life which in turn affects others, who simply want to perhaps love or cherish you regardless? Like I said earlier, regardless of shape or appearance, you should still be able to enjoy yourself and have fun?" Hit the nail on the head about how I can "annoy" others. And yes regardless of how I look I have the same right to exist and enjoy as anyone else | |||
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"My personal observation is that body positivity is something you're born with. It's an attitude towards yourself and the opinion of others that allows you to be realistic about yourself and those opinions. It's also about not comparing yourself to other people. I think you can learn it but from what I see this is difficult and has to be constantly reinforced. I feel lucky that my head accepts the 99 good comments and ignores the 1 perceived negative rather than the other way round" Unpopular as ever, but think the fact there's even a term for body positivity actually gives the fear and anxiety of body negativity the oxygen it needs rather than starving it and allowing a natural healthy mindset to resume. We educate fear these days and wonder why ppl find life increasingly harder and then we blame the "pressures" of modern life - but they are self applied pressures.... | |||
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"My personal observation is that body positivity is something you're born with. It's an attitude towards yourself and the opinion of others that allows you to be realistic about yourself and those opinions. It's also about not comparing yourself to other people. I think you can learn it but from what I see this is difficult and has to be constantly reinforced. I feel lucky that my head accepts the 99 good comments and ignores the 1 perceived negative rather than the other way round Unpopular as ever, but think the fact there's even a term for body positivity actually gives the fear and anxiety of body negativity the oxygen it needs rather than starving it and allowing a natural healthy mindset to resume. We educate fear these days and wonder why ppl find life increasingly harder and then we blame the "pressures" of modern life - but they are self applied pressures.... "By that I mean, when ppl don't love there body or find it difficult, they feel even more inadequate and almost shameful like a double effect.... | |||
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"My personal observation is that body positivity is something you're born with. It's an attitude towards yourself and the opinion of others that allows you to be realistic about yourself and those opinions. It's also about not comparing yourself to other people. I think you can learn it but from what I see this is difficult and has to be constantly reinforced. I feel lucky that my head accepts the 99 good comments and ignores the 1 perceived negative rather than the other way round Unpopular as ever, but think the fact there's even a term for body positivity actually gives the fear and anxiety of body negativity the oxygen it needs rather than starving it and allowing a natural healthy mindset to resume. We educate fear these days and wonder why ppl find life increasingly harder and then we blame the "pressures" of modern life - but they are self applied pressures....
By that I mean, when ppl don't love there body or find it difficult, they feel even more inadequate and almost shameful like a double effect.... "Actually agree with you hence saying "And in turn make people feel guilty for not embracing themselves?" in my OP. Was something you actually said that actually got me thinking about it | |||
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"My personal observation is that body positivity is something you're born with. It's an attitude towards yourself and the opinion of others that allows you to be realistic about yourself and those opinions. It's also about not comparing yourself to other people. I think you can learn it but from what I see this is difficult and has to be constantly reinforced. I feel lucky that my head accepts the 99 good comments and ignores the 1 perceived negative rather than the other way round Unpopular as ever, but think the fact there's even a term for body positivity actually gives the fear and anxiety of body negativity the oxygen it needs rather than starving it and allowing a natural healthy mindset to resume. We educate fear these days and wonder why ppl find life increasingly harder and then we blame the "pressures" of modern life - but they are self applied pressures....
By that I mean, when ppl don't love there body or find it difficult, they feel even more inadequate and almost shameful like a double effect....
Actually agree with you hence saying
"And in turn make people feel guilty for not embracing themselves?"
in my OP. Was something you actually said that actually got me thinking about it "What bugs me is when the beautiful size 12 ppl who have slightly fat thighs and who have "learned to love" those thigh's post threads and pics of their "battle" and subsequent "victory". But then folk with the real deep set issues and a size 22 or a slim and no curves figure or a face that is not attractive in the the traditional sense feel unable to contribute and too ugly! I witnessed this just the other day (someone actually said that to me - they thought they were too ugly for a celebrate your flaws thread! How fucked up is that?) and I mentioned it but was soon shouted down for daring to question anything about body image. I know I'm gobby and possibly because I'm not fat enough and a man, who knows.....?
I think ppl have stopped THINKING for themselves now, they're happier to let the more eloquent and worshipable do it for them.... | |||
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"Also, fab my bum plz... "I've fabbed it, but i don't fancy you.  | |||
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"Also, fab my bum plz... I've fabbed it, but i don't fancy you. "Lies! They all say that... | |||
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"My personal observation is that body positivity is something you're born with. It's an attitude towards yourself and the opinion of others that allows you to be realistic about yourself and those opinions. It's also about not comparing yourself to other people. I think you can learn it but from what I see this is difficult and has to be constantly reinforced. I feel lucky that my head accepts the 99 good comments and ignores the 1 perceived negative rather than the other way round Unpopular as ever, but think the fact there's even a term for body positivity actually gives the fear and anxiety of body negativity the oxygen it needs rather than starving it and allowing a natural healthy mindset to resume. We educate fear these days and wonder why ppl find life increasingly harder and then we blame the "pressures" of modern life - but they are self applied pressures....
By that I mean, when ppl don't love there body or find it difficult, they feel even more inadequate and almost shameful like a double effect....
Actually agree with you hence saying
"And in turn make people feel guilty for not embracing themselves?"
in my OP. Was something you actually said that actually got me thinking about it
What bugs me is when the beautiful size 12 ppl who have slightly fat thighs and who have "learned to love" those thigh's post threads and pics of their "battle" and subsequent "victory". But then folk with the real deep set issues and a size 22 or a slim and no curves figure or a face that is not attractive in the the traditional sense feel unable to contribute and too ugly! I witnessed this just the other day (someone actually said that to me - they thought they were too ugly for a celebrate your flaws thread! How fucked up is that?) and I mentioned it but was soon shouted down for daring to question anything about body image. I know I'm gobby and possibly because I'm not fat enough and a man, who knows.....?
I think ppl have stopped THINKING for themselves now, they're happier to let the more eloquent and worshipable do it for them.... "That's really blinking sad though, I'm currently a size 18/20 at the moment, and I'm saddened your friend felt like that. Sorry for shouting you down didn't mean to. And no it wasn't because you were a bloke and slim. I have progressed from a really bad deep seated loathing of my body where I'd actively harm it to where I am now. To me personally it did help seeing people who I perceived as beautiful have the same wobbly bits I had helped. And I think that's was the basis of the thread. But when I went back and thought about it I felt the need to put on my status and on the actual picture why I had posted the picture. Why? Because I still feel guilty and bad about it. It's a complex thing and I don't know the solution. | |||
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"My personal observation is that body positivity is something you're born with. It's an attitude towards yourself and the opinion of others that allows you to be realistic about yourself and those opinions. It's also about not comparing yourself to other people. I think you can learn it but from what I see this is difficult and has to be constantly reinforced. I feel lucky that my head accepts the 99 good comments and ignores the 1 perceived negative rather than the other way round Unpopular as ever, but think the fact there's even a term for body positivity actually gives the fear and anxiety of body negativity the oxygen it needs rather than starving it and allowing a natural healthy mindset to resume. We educate fear these days and wonder why ppl find life increasingly harder and then we blame the "pressures" of modern life - but they are self applied pressures....
By that I mean, when ppl don't love there body or find it difficult, they feel even more inadequate and almost shameful like a double effect....
Actually agree with you hence saying
"And in turn make people feel guilty for not embracing themselves?"
in my OP. Was something you actually said that actually got me thinking about it
What bugs me is when the beautiful size 12 ppl who have slightly fat thighs and who have "learned to love" those thigh's post threads and pics of their "battle" and subsequent "victory". But then folk with the real deep set issues and a size 22 or a slim and no curves figure or a face that is not attractive in the the traditional sense feel unable to contribute and too ugly! I witnessed this just the other day (someone actually said that to me - they thought they were too ugly for a celebrate your flaws thread! How fucked up is that?) and I mentioned it but was soon shouted down for daring to question anything about body image. I know I'm gobby and possibly because I'm not fat enough and a man, who knows.....?
I think ppl have stopped THINKING for themselves now, they're happier to let the more eloquent and worshipable do it for them.... "Ah but that doesnt make the size 12'rs battle any less relevant. It sort of reverses the problem by saying they are too pretty or perfect to hate themselves which isnt how things work. | |||
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"Disliking my body and the way it was perceived by people is what made me diet and work hard to change it. Now I have barely any photos of me at my fattest, because I was so conscious about it a became very camera shy. I was nearly 20 stone, and my health suffered. It took a massive amount of dedication and will power to lose the weight and then go the other way and become jacked. I'm now eager to be photographed and have been a model in 3 fitness photoshoots. Now once I got my body in shape,it took several months to adjust to it, mentally I still felt a fat man. Once I'd gotten used to it, it was one of the best things Ive ever done, couldn't believe it was me in the mirror. I honestly turned my life around, so imo sometimes feeling negatively about things can drive you to change them. If I had just been body positive, I'd still be fat(likely fatter because I was only headed on way at the time) and I would never have achieved the things I have. " I don't think thats negative, it's just honest.... | |||
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"My personal observation is that body positivity is something you're born with. It's an attitude towards yourself and the opinion of others that allows you to be realistic about yourself and those opinions. It's also about not comparing yourself to other people. I think you can learn it but from what I see this is difficult and has to be constantly reinforced. I feel lucky that my head accepts the 99 good comments and ignores the 1 perceived negative rather than the other way round Unpopular as ever, but think the fact there's even a term for body positivity actually gives the fear and anxiety of body negativity the oxygen it needs rather than starving it and allowing a natural healthy mindset to resume. We educate fear these days and wonder why ppl find life increasingly harder and then we blame the "pressures" of modern life - but they are self applied pressures....
By that I mean, when ppl don't love there body or find it difficult, they feel even more inadequate and almost shameful like a double effect....
Actually agree with you hence saying
"And in turn make people feel guilty for not embracing themselves?"
in my OP. Was something you actually said that actually got me thinking about it
What bugs me is when the beautiful size 12 ppl who have slightly fat thighs and who have "learned to love" those thigh's post threads and pics of their "battle" and subsequent "victory". But then folk with the real deep set issues and a size 22 or a slim and no curves figure or a face that is not attractive in the the traditional sense feel unable to contribute and too ugly! I witnessed this just the other day (someone actually said that to me - they thought they were too ugly for a celebrate your flaws thread! How fucked up is that?) and I mentioned it but was soon shouted down for daring to question anything about body image. I know I'm gobby and possibly because I'm not fat enough and a man, who knows.....?
I think ppl have stopped THINKING for themselves now, they're happier to let the more eloquent and worshipable do it for them....
Ah but that doesnt make the size 12'rs battle any less relevant. It sort of reverses the problem by saying they are too pretty or perfect to hate themselves which isnt how things work. "It means that the beauty competition has just got slightly fatter..... Someone with a pretty face a sexy size 12, a husband, a family and poor self body image has just that! Someone with a size 22 and hasn't had a date in 15 years and is borderline questioning whether they are even part of society, has just that!! I feel pain in its magnitude, not in it's presence. I'm but sure if I'm making sense? I just felt sick that anyone would be left out by ppl who were clearly seeking likes at the time. One poster even commented on how many more fabs she'd had of her "natural" pic than her posed and filtered ones - yes of course from ppl in the same boat artificially elevating beauty and who are also seeking likes for reassurance, right? That's not healthy for the size 12 or the 22 or the skinny girl. And I haven't even started on male body image yet..... | |||
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"Disliking my body and the way it was perceived by people is what made me diet and work hard to change it. Now I have barely any photos of me at my fattest, because I was so conscious about it a became very camera shy. I was nearly 20 stone, and my health suffered. It took a massive amount of dedication and will power to lose the weight and then go the other way and become jacked. I'm now eager to be photographed and have been a model in 3 fitness photoshoots. Now once I got my body in shape,it took several months to adjust to it, mentally I still felt a fat man. Once I'd gotten used to it, it was one of the best things Ive ever done, couldn't believe it was me in the mirror. I honestly turned my life around, so imo sometimes feeling negatively about things can drive you to change them. If I had just been body positive, I'd still be fat(likely fatter because I was only headed on way at the time) and I would never have achieved the things I have. " Think it's different strokes for different folks. Haven't had the best few years and my body shows it. When I'm more positive about my body I actually tend to loose weight, when I feel negatively about it I pile it on. But amazing that you've turned it around and are happier in yourself, that's amazing | |||
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"Disliking my body and the way it was perceived by people is what made me diet and work hard to change it. Now I have barely any photos of me at my fattest, because I was so conscious about it a became very camera shy. I was nearly 20 stone, and my health suffered. It took a massive amount of dedication and will power to lose the weight and then go the other way and become jacked. I'm now eager to be photographed and have been a model in 3 fitness photoshoots. Now once I got my body in shape,it took several months to adjust to it, mentally I still felt a fat man. Once I'd gotten used to it, it was one of the best things Ive ever done, couldn't believe it was me in the mirror. I honestly turned my life around, so imo sometimes feeling negatively about things can drive you to change them. If I had just been body positive, I'd still be fat(likely fatter because I was only headed on way at the time) and I would never have achieved the things I have. I don't think thats negative, it's just honest...." I definitely felt the exact opposite of "positive" about my body lol | |||
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"My personal observation is that body positivity is something you're born with. It's an attitude towards yourself and the opinion of others that allows you to be realistic about yourself and those opinions. It's also about not comparing yourself to other people. I think you can learn it but from what I see this is difficult and has to be constantly reinforced. I feel lucky that my head accepts the 99 good comments and ignores the 1 perceived negative rather than the other way round Unpopular as ever, but think the fact there's even a term for body positivity actually gives the fear and anxiety of body negativity the oxygen it needs rather than starving it and allowing a natural healthy mindset to resume. We educate fear these days and wonder why ppl find life increasingly harder and then we blame the "pressures" of modern life - but they are self applied pressures....
By that I mean, when ppl don't love there body or find it difficult, they feel even more inadequate and almost shameful like a double effect....
Actually agree with you hence saying
"And in turn make people feel guilty for not embracing themselves?"
in my OP. Was something you actually said that actually got me thinking about it
What bugs me is when the beautiful size 12 ppl who have slightly fat thighs and who have "learned to love" those thigh's post threads and pics of their "battle" and subsequent "victory". But then folk with the real deep set issues and a size 22 or a slim and no curves figure or a face that is not attractive in the the traditional sense feel unable to contribute and too ugly! I witnessed this just the other day (someone actually said that to me - they thought they were too ugly for a celebrate your flaws thread! How fucked up is that?) and I mentioned it but was soon shouted down for daring to question anything about body image. I know I'm gobby and possibly because I'm not fat enough and a man, who knows.....?
I think ppl have stopped THINKING for themselves now, they're happier to let the more eloquent and worshipable do it for them....
That's really blinking sad though, I'm currently a size 18/20 at the moment, and I'm saddened your friend felt like that. Sorry for shouting you down didn't mean to. And no it wasn't because you were a bloke and slim. I have progressed from a really bad deep seated loathing of my body where I'd actively harm it to where I am now. To me personally it did help seeing people who I perceived as beautiful have the same wobbly bits I had helped. And I think that's was the basis of the thread. But when I went back and thought about it I felt the need to put on my status and on the actual picture why I had posted the picture. Why? Because I still feel guilty and bad about it. It's a complex thing and I don't know the solution. "You my love need to celebrate your true beauty, and as physically beautiful as you are to me you won't find that in fabbed pictures, it's in your mind in your kindness and intelligence and openness and playfulness. I often despair at the ppl who end up on fab, trapped by likes and perceived popularity. They arrive here and suddenly someone desires them, maybe lots of ppl do, but they don't question why. Horny ppl want sex and will be nice and fab your pics in order to get it with you or for you to help enable them to get it with someone else, innit.... | |||
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"Am I body positive as a larger lady ? Absolutely not and as much as Tess Holiday and Co flaunt their fabulous curves it will never stop me hating how I look ! However I’m ok with that , I know I’m probably never going to love my body but I do accept it is what is and although I’ve lost a couple of stone it won’t change my stretch marks, tummy shape, scars or boobs heading south ! In accepting how I look it’s personally given me the freedom of not giving a flying fuck what others think , if someone fancies me - it does happen , who knew? - that’s fantastic and makes me feel good admittedly but I know I’m not for everyone and that’s fine too. I’m confident in how I look I have cool hair , wear funky clothes do my make up and off I go flirting and making friends , working hard , being kind and trying to be a good person and my body shape has nothing to do with those things ! Sorry for the ramble "Don’t be sorry! It’s good to hear you’re embracing how you look and who you are | |||
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" What bugs me is when the beautiful size 12 ppl who have slightly fat thighs and who have "learned to love" those thigh's post threads and pics of their "battle" and subsequent "victory". But then folk with the real deep set issues and a size 22 or a slim and no curves figure or a face that is not attractive in the the traditional sense feel unable to contribute and too ugly! I witnessed this just the other day (someone actually said that to me - they thought they were too ugly for a celebrate your flaws thread! How fucked up is that?) and I mentioned it but was soon shouted down for daring to question anything about body image. I know I'm gobby and possibly because I'm not fat enough and a man, who knows.....?
I think ppl have stopped THINKING for themselves now, they're happier to let the more eloquent and worshipable do it for them.... "You weren't shouted down. And no, it's not because you're gobby or because you're a man that people disagreed with you. I think that different people face different issues surrounding their body and we all have different perceptions. To some looking in they might think, "well they are a size 12, they can't really hate their thighs surely?" but it might have been a constant loathing for them.
I do think that people feeling like they are too "ugly" to contribute is a real shame and I get why people can be put off posting - I was going to upload a photo but I didn't because I still thought I'm really bleurgh compared to a lot of who I perceive as being more stereotypically attractive. I only saw a couple who were clearly doing it for the fabs but ach. It's tricky. Policing levels of attractiveness to post on a body worries thread opens up a whole can of worms. | |||
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"My personal observation is that body positivity is something you're born with. It's an attitude towards yourself and the opinion of others that allows you to be realistic about yourself and those opinions. It's also about not comparing yourself to other people. I think you can learn it but from what I see this is difficult and has to be constantly reinforced. I feel lucky that my head accepts the 99 good comments and ignores the 1 perceived negative rather than the other way round Unpopular as ever, but think the fact there's even a term for body positivity actually gives the fear and anxiety of body negativity the oxygen it needs rather than starving it and allowing a natural healthy mindset to resume. We educate fear these days and wonder why ppl find life increasingly harder and then we blame the "pressures" of modern life - but they are self applied pressures....
By that I mean, when ppl don't love there body or find it difficult, they feel even more inadequate and almost shameful like a double effect....
Actually agree with you hence saying
"And in turn make people feel guilty for not embracing themselves?"
in my OP. Was something you actually said that actually got me thinking about it
What bugs me is when the beautiful size 12 ppl who have slightly fat thighs and who have "learned to love" those thigh's post threads and pics of their "battle" and subsequent "victory". But then folk with the real deep set issues and a size 22 or a slim and no curves figure or a face that is not attractive in the the traditional sense feel unable to contribute and too ugly! I witnessed this just the other day (someone actually said that to me - they thought they were too ugly for a celebrate your flaws thread! How fucked up is that?) and I mentioned it but was soon shouted down for daring to question anything about body image. I know I'm gobby and possibly because I'm not fat enough and a man, who knows.....?
I think ppl have stopped THINKING for themselves now, they're happier to let the more eloquent and worshipable do it for them....
Ah but that doesnt make the size 12'rs battle any less relevant. It sort of reverses the problem by saying they are too pretty or perfect to hate themselves which isnt how things work.
It means that the beauty competition has just got slightly fatter.....
Someone with a pretty face a sexy size 12, a husband, a family and poor self body image has just that! Someone with a size 22 and hasn't had a date in 15 years and is borderline questioning whether they are even part of society, has just that!! I feel pain in its magnitude, not in it's presence. I'm but sure if I'm making sense?
I just felt sick that anyone would be left out by ppl who were clearly seeking likes at the time. One poster even commented on how many more fabs she'd had of her "natural" pic than her posed and filtered ones - yes of course from ppl in the same boat artificially elevating beauty and who are also seeking likes for reassurance, right? That's not healthy for the size 12 or the 22 or the skinny girl. And I haven't even started on male body image yet..... "I dont think I read that thread, and I will get lost explaining things, but even just your writing then that the size 12 will be married with a family and a little unhappy although basically fine and she shouldnt be bothered and the size 22 lady/gent that is hopelessly unloveable seems a bit scewed and pandering to unhelpful stereotypes. Feel the pain of one then feel the pain of all, not just the one you feel most sorry for. The whole thing of image though is massively fucked up | |||
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"My personal observation is that body positivity is something you're born with. It's an attitude towards yourself and the opinion of others that allows you to be realistic about yourself and those opinions. It's also about not comparing yourself to other people. I think you can learn it but from what I see this is difficult and has to be constantly reinforced. I feel lucky that my head accepts the 99 good comments and ignores the 1 perceived negative rather than the other way round Unpopular as ever, but think the fact there's even a term for body positivity actually gives the fear and anxiety of body negativity the oxygen it needs rather than starving it and allowing a natural healthy mindset to resume. We educate fear these days and wonder why ppl find life increasingly harder and then we blame the "pressures" of modern life - but they are self applied pressures....
By that I mean, when ppl don't love there body or find it difficult, they feel even more inadequate and almost shameful like a double effect....
Actually agree with you hence saying
"And in turn make people feel guilty for not embracing themselves?"
in my OP. Was something you actually said that actually got me thinking about it
What bugs me is when the beautiful size 12 ppl who have slightly fat thighs and who have "learned to love" those thigh's post threads and pics of their "battle" and subsequent "victory". But then folk with the real deep set issues and a size 22 or a slim and no curves figure or a face that is not attractive in the the traditional sense feel unable to contribute and too ugly! I witnessed this just the other day (someone actually said that to me - they thought they were too ugly for a celebrate your flaws thread! How fucked up is that?) and I mentioned it but was soon shouted down for daring to question anything about body image. I know I'm gobby and possibly because I'm not fat enough and a man, who knows.....?
I think ppl have stopped THINKING for themselves now, they're happier to let the more eloquent and worshipable do it for them....
Ah but that doesnt make the size 12'rs battle any less relevant. It sort of reverses the problem by saying they are too pretty or perfect to hate themselves which isnt how things work.
It means that the beauty competition has just got slightly fatter.....
Someone with a pretty face a sexy size 12, a husband, a family and poor self body image has just that! Someone with a size 22 and hasn't had a date in 15 years and is borderline questioning whether they are even part of society, has just that!! I feel pain in its magnitude, not in it's presence. I'm but sure if I'm making sense?
I just felt sick that anyone would be left out by ppl who were clearly seeking likes at the time. One poster even commented on how many more fabs she'd had of her "natural" pic than her posed and filtered ones - yes of course from ppl in the same boat artificially elevating beauty and who are also seeking likes for reassurance, right? That's not healthy for the size 12 or the 22 or the skinny girl. And I haven't even started on male body image yet.....
I dont think I read that thread, and I will get lost explaining things, but even just your writing then that the size 12 will be married with a family and a little unhappy although basically fine and she shouldnt be bothered and the size 22 lady/gent that is hopelessly unloveable seems a bit scewed and pandering to unhelpful stereotypes. Feel the pain of one then feel the pain of all, not just the one you feel most sorry for. The whole thing of image though is massively fucked up "I'm not allowed to name names obviously, but I have examples up my sleeve in both sides. Just been discussing this with the OP in fact, she's a great friend of mine. I think your average size 12 with a pretty face and and what most would see as a great bod and with a personality confident enough to post their worst and most feared body part publicly is indeed more likely to get a date or be in a happy loving relationship,have a satisfying career etc than a size 22 lacking confidence and too embarrassed to post on the tread because they feel too ugly and who may have subsequently left the site shorty after.... I'm not talking shit here trust me.... | |||
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"My personal observation is that body positivity is something you're born with. It's an attitude towards yourself and the opinion of others that allows you to be realistic about yourself and those opinions. It's also about not comparing yourself to other people. I think you can learn it but from what I see this is difficult and has to be constantly reinforced. I feel lucky that my head accepts the 99 good comments and ignores the 1 perceived negative rather than the other way round Unpopular as ever, but think the fact there's even a term for body positivity actually gives the fear and anxiety of body negativity the oxygen it needs rather than starving it and allowing a natural healthy mindset to resume. We educate fear these days and wonder why ppl find life increasingly harder and then we blame the "pressures" of modern life - but they are self applied pressures....
By that I mean, when ppl don't love there body or find it difficult, they feel even more inadequate and almost shameful like a double effect....
Actually agree with you hence saying
"And in turn make people feel guilty for not embracing themselves?"
in my OP. Was something you actually said that actually got me thinking about it
What bugs me is when the beautiful size 12 ppl who have slightly fat thighs and who have "learned to love" those thigh's post threads and pics of their "battle" and subsequent "victory". But then folk with the real deep set issues and a size 22 or a slim and no curves figure or a face that is not attractive in the the traditional sense feel unable to contribute and too ugly! I witnessed this just the other day (someone actually said that to me - they thought they were too ugly for a celebrate your flaws thread! How fucked up is that?) and I mentioned it but was soon shouted down for daring to question anything about body image. I know I'm gobby and possibly because I'm not fat enough and a man, who knows.....?
I think ppl have stopped THINKING for themselves now, they're happier to let the more eloquent and worshipable do it for them....
Ah but that doesnt make the size 12'rs battle any less relevant. It sort of reverses the problem by saying they are too pretty or perfect to hate themselves which isnt how things work.
It means that the beauty competition has just got slightly fatter.....
Someone with a pretty face a sexy size 12, a husband, a family and poor self body image has just that! Someone with a size 22 and hasn't had a date in 15 years and is borderline questioning whether they are even part of society, has just that!! I feel pain in its magnitude, not in it's presence. I'm but sure if I'm making sense?
I just felt sick that anyone would be left out by ppl who were clearly seeking likes at the time. One poster even commented on how many more fabs she'd had of her "natural" pic than her posed and filtered ones - yes of course from ppl in the same boat artificially elevating beauty and who are also seeking likes for reassurance, right? That's not healthy for the size 12 or the 22 or the skinny girl. And I haven't even started on male body image yet.....
I dont think I read that thread, and I will get lost explaining things, but even just your writing then that the size 12 will be married with a family and a little unhappy although basically fine and she shouldnt be bothered and the size 22 lady/gent that is hopelessly unloveable seems a bit scewed and pandering to unhelpful stereotypes. Feel the pain of one then feel the pain of all, not just the one you feel most sorry for. The whole thing of image though is massively fucked up "And I wouldn't feel pain for ppl posting pics of their beautiful bad bits and seeking likes and popularity - maybe I might feel a degree of pity perhaps at how they were hijacking the good intentions of an OP and in the process making my friend feel awful and unwanted....
I think we often talk to much using the words we're taught and we don't THINK enough about what we don't know..... | |||
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"Am I body positive as a larger lady ? Absolutely not and as much as Tess Holiday and Co flaunt their fabulous curves it will never stop me hating how I look ! However I’m ok with that , I know I’m probably never going to love my body but I do accept it is what is and although I’ve lost a couple of stone it won’t change my stretch marks, tummy shape, scars or boobs heading south ! In accepting how I look it’s personally given me the freedom of not giving a flying fuck what others think , if someone fancies me - it does happen , who knew? - that’s fantastic and makes me feel good admittedly but I know I’m not for everyone and that’s fine too. I’m confident in how I look I have cool hair , wear funky clothes do my make up and off I go flirting and making friends , working hard , being kind and trying to be a good person and my body shape has nothing to do with those things ! Sorry for the ramble
Don’t be sorry! It’s good to hear you’re embracing how you look and who you are "Thank you | |||
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"I tend to find *most* men don’t have the ‘ Tall skinny blonde’ mentality I think they have. Most don’t seem to mind a mature curvy female * not wishing to disparage tall, skinny blondes of course*" Do you think maybe we're our own worst enemies at times? | |||
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"Am I body positive as a larger lady ? Absolutely not and as much as Tess Holiday and Co flaunt their fabulous curves it will never stop me hating how I look ! However I’m ok with that , I know I’m probably never going to love my body but I do accept it is what is and although I’ve lost a couple of stone it won’t change my stretch marks, tummy shape, scars or boobs heading south ! In accepting how I look it’s personally given me the freedom of not giving a flying fuck what others think , if someone fancies me - it does happen , who knew? - that’s fantastic and makes me feel good admittedly but I know I’m not for everyone and that’s fine too. I’m confident in how I look I have cool hair , wear funky clothes do my make up and off I go flirting and making friends , working hard , being kind and trying to be a good person and my body shape has nothing to do with those things ! Sorry for the ramble "Definitely not a ramble, I wanted people's opinions, so I can learn | |||
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"I think it would also help if people stopped shouting down those who are body confident and not afraid to say they consider themselves attractive. That doesn't mean they need other people to consider them attractive it just means they like themselves. We're encouraged to be self effacing to the point of public self loathing, by people who refuse to praise confidence and compliment people who put themselves down. Try posting a thread saying you feel as if you look ugly and one saying you feel you look beautiful. " Totally agree we should never pull down people, just because we feel bad about ourselves. I celebrate when people have their shit together more than I do | |||
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"I tend to find *most* men don’t have the ‘ Tall skinny blonde’ mentality I think they have. Most don’t seem to mind a mature curvy female * not wishing to disparage tall, skinny blondes of course* Do you think maybe we're our own worst enemies at times? " Yes, we probably are | |||
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"I dont think you can win either way- If you are body confident you’re shamed for talking or posting about it, told the ‘flaws’ you felt you have “aren’t that big a deal” and you’re just attention seeking. Then you get the asses that pick out your flaws and try bring you down about them again. If you aren’t body confident you get berated for being overdramatic, told other people have it worse and you should just look in the mirror more and practice a few affirmations to get over it. " Again really good points, do you think they stem from those people's own insecurities? | |||
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"I think it would also help if people stopped shouting down those who are body confident and not afraid to say they consider themselves attractive. That doesn't mean they need other people to consider them attractive it just means they like themselves. We're encouraged to be self effacing to the point of public self loathing, by people who refuse to praise confidence and compliment people who put themselves down. Try posting a thread saying you feel as if you look ugly and one saying you feel you look beautiful. " I completely agree that no one should be shouted down for being body confident. But by the same strength, I also think its OK to dislike your own body if you feel your overweight. People should be allowed to feel how they want about their bodies and not be judged either way - obviously those with genuine body dysmorphia may need help ie 6 stone anorexic man who thinks hes fat. My dislike of my body drove me to serious positive change that dramatically improved my entire life. That wouldn't have happened had I been body positive. I would definitely not be as happy in life as I am today. | |||
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"I sometimes have body dysmorphia "I hear you, it's a terrible thing to endure. Also suffer with it also | |||
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"I dont think you can win either way- If you are body confident you’re shamed for talking or posting about it, told the ‘flaws’ you felt you have “aren’t that big a deal” and you’re just attention seeking. Then you get the asses that pick out your flaws and try bring you down about them again. If you aren’t body confident you get berated for being overdramatic, told other people have it worse and you should just look in the mirror more and practice a few affirmations to get over it. " What's the solution though....? | |||
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"I sometimes have body dysmorphia "I had a few months of this once I got into great shape. It took a while for me to not see myself as the fat guy. | |||
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"I think it would also help if people stopped shouting down those who are body confident and not afraid to say they consider themselves attractive. That doesn't mean they need other people to consider them attractive it just means they like themselves. We're encouraged to be self effacing to the point of public self loathing, by people who refuse to praise confidence and compliment people who put themselves down. Try posting a thread saying you feel as if you look ugly and one saying you feel you look beautiful. " That all seems pretty obvious to me having hung around on the forum a while.... | |||
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"I think it would also help if people stopped shouting down those who are body confident and not afraid to say they consider themselves attractive. That doesn't mean they need other people to consider them attractive it just means they like themselves. We're encouraged to be self effacing to the point of public self loathing, by people who refuse to praise confidence and compliment people who put themselves down. Try posting a thread saying you feel as if you look ugly and one saying you feel you look beautiful. I completely agree that no one should be shouted down for being body confident. But by the same strength, I also think its OK to dislike your own body if you feel your overweight. People should be allowed to feel how they want about their bodies and not be judged either way - obviously those with genuine body dysmorphia may need help ie 6 stone anorexic man who thinks hes fat. My dislike of my body drove me to serious positive change that dramatically improved my entire life. That wouldn't have happened had I been body positive. I would definitely not be as happy in life as I am today. " There's a difference though is there not to want to loose weight for health reasons and looking at your body in total disgust. Feeling that you don't belong somewhere or not entitled to wear certain clothing or feel like a sexual being? I can both feel the need to loose weight and feel positive and valid at the same time | |||
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"I dont think you can win either way- If you are body confident you’re shamed for talking or posting about it, told the ‘flaws’ you felt you have “aren’t that big a deal” and you’re just attention seeking. Then you get the asses that pick out your flaws and try bring you down about them again. If you aren’t body confident you get berated for being overdramatic, told other people have it worse and you should just look in the mirror more and practice a few affirmations to get over it. What's the solution though....? "There isnt one- it would take people not judging/shaming or placing expectations on others which will never happen. | |||
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"I dont think you can win either way- If you are body confident you’re shamed for talking or posting about it, told the ‘flaws’ you felt you have “aren’t that big a deal” and you’re just attention seeking. Then you get the asses that pick out your flaws and try bring you down about them again. If you aren’t body confident you get berated for being overdramatic, told other people have it worse and you should just look in the mirror more and practice a few affirmations to get over it. What's the solution though....?
There isnt one- it would take people not judging/shaming or placing expectations on others which will never happen.
"Tis life and I think you're right it'll never change. | |||
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"I dont think you can win either way- If you are body confident you’re shamed for talking or posting about it, told the ‘flaws’ you felt you have “aren’t that big a deal” and you’re just attention seeking. Then you get the asses that pick out your flaws and try bring you down about them again. If you aren’t body confident you get berated for being overdramatic, told other people have it worse and you should just look in the mirror more and practice a few affirmations to get over it. Again really good points, do you think they stem from those people's own insecurities? " For some people perhaps, others may just be a herd mentality seeing other people doing it and following along. Im sure others have ‘good intentions’ trying a tough love attitude particulary with friends/family. Realistically i cant see it changing though. | |||
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"I think it would also help if people stopped shouting down those who are body confident and not afraid to say they consider themselves attractive. That doesn't mean they need other people to consider them attractive it just means they like themselves. We're encouraged to be self effacing to the point of public self loathing, by people who refuse to praise confidence and compliment people who put themselves down. Try posting a thread saying you feel as if you look ugly and one saying you feel you look beautiful. I completely agree that no one should be shouted down for being body confident. But by the same strength, I also think its OK to dislike your own body if you feel your overweight. People should be allowed to feel how they want about their bodies and not be judged either way - obviously those with genuine body dysmorphia may need help ie 6 stone anorexic man who thinks hes fat. My dislike of my body drove me to serious positive change that dramatically improved my entire life. That wouldn't have happened had I been body positive. I would definitely not be as happy in life as I am today. There's a difference though is there not to want to loose weight for health reasons and looking at your body in total disgust. Feeling that you don't belong somewhere or not entitled to wear certain clothing or feel like a sexual being? I can both feel the need to loose weight and feel positive and valid at the same time "Not necessarily, I looked at my body in total disgust, it was the main driving factor for me. It helped my general health, but the dramatic improvements in my life werent health related, it was the way I was perceived. I went from being considered conventionally unattractive, to the opposite end of the spectrum. People treat you differently. Your taken more seriously accross the board. You feel more valued by the world. Now obviously if someone's health is dramatically affected by their weight, then regardless of whether they like their body or not, it would be wise to do something about it. | |||
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"I think it would also help if people stopped shouting down those who are body confident and not afraid to say they consider themselves attractive. That doesn't mean they need other people to consider them attractive it just means they like themselves. We're encouraged to be self effacing to the point of public self loathing, by people who refuse to praise confidence and compliment people who put themselves down. Try posting a thread saying you feel as if you look ugly and one saying you feel you look beautiful. That all seems pretty obvious to me having hung around on the forum a while.... "Righto! | |||
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"I dont think you can win either way- If you are body confident you’re shamed for talking or posting about it, told the ‘flaws’ you felt you have “aren’t that big a deal” and you’re just attention seeking. Then you get the asses that pick out your flaws and try bring you down about them again. If you aren’t body confident you get berated for being overdramatic, told other people have it worse and you should just look in the mirror more and practice a few affirmations to get over it. What's the solution though....?
There isnt one- it would take people not judging/shaming or placing expectations on others which will never happen.
"I'm just curious, but in this context what do you mean by "placing expectations on others" What expectations are you thinking of? Apologies if I have missed something | |||
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"I dont think you can win either way- If you are body confident you’re shamed for talking or posting about it, told the ‘flaws’ you felt you have “aren’t that big a deal” and you’re just attention seeking. Then you get the asses that pick out your flaws and try bring you down about them again. If you aren’t body confident you get berated for being overdramatic, told other people have it worse and you should just look in the mirror more and practice a few affirmations to get over it. What's the solution though....?
There isnt one- it would take people not judging/shaming or placing expectations on others which will never happen.
"If it's important then why not try, why not start something....? | |||
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"I dont think you can win either way- If you are body confident you’re shamed for talking or posting about it, told the ‘flaws’ you felt you have “aren’t that big a deal” and you’re just attention seeking. Then you get the asses that pick out your flaws and try bring you down about them again. If you aren’t body confident you get berated for being overdramatic, told other people have it worse and you should just look in the mirror more and practice a few affirmations to get over it. What's the solution though....?
There isnt one- it would take people not judging/shaming or placing expectations on others which will never happen.
I'm just curious, but in this context what do you mean by "placing expectations on others"
What expectations are you thinking of? Apologies if I have missed something "For people lacking body confidence, that they can just get over it with a bit of positive thinking! | |||
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"I dont think you can win either way- If you are body confident you’re shamed for talking or posting about it, told the ‘flaws’ you felt you have “aren’t that big a deal” and you’re just attention seeking. Then you get the asses that pick out your flaws and try bring you down about them again. If you aren’t body confident you get berated for being overdramatic, told other people have it worse and you should just look in the mirror more and practice a few affirmations to get over it. What's the solution though....?
There isnt one- it would take people not judging/shaming or placing expectations on others which will never happen.
If it's important then why not try, why not start something....?"I practice what i preach, i dont judge others for their bodies, faces, etc. I dont place expectations for them to just get over their confidence issues and i would never shame someone for being confident in themselves. I pull up people around me when they try it. However I accept that I’m one person, not everyone agrees with my thinking and I am not going to revolutionise the world | |||
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"I tend to find *most* men don’t have the ‘ Tall skinny blonde’ mentality I think they have. Most don’t seem to mind a mature curvy female * not wishing to disparage tall, skinny blondes of course*" I prefer the term “slim” to skinny. Just personal preference. | |||
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"I am confident these days, I wasnt as an 18 to 20 year old. I was always painfully skinny and hated it, 6ft2" and just over 9 stone wet through. Much happier at nearly double that body weight, I think I look pretty good, if others dont then so be it. " I can relate. This is why I hate the phrase “skinny”. I also struggled massively in my teens with how I looked. Many of the cruel comments of bullies had the word “skinny” in them. I guess it just leaves some scars...  | |||
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"I dont think you can win either way- If you are body confident you’re shamed for talking or posting about it, told the ‘flaws’ you felt you have “aren’t that big a deal” and you’re just attention seeking. Then you get the asses that pick out your flaws and try bring you down about them again. If you aren’t body confident you get berated for being overdramatic, told other people have it worse and you should just look in the mirror more and practice a few affirmations to get over it. What's the solution though....?
There isnt one- it would take people not judging/shaming or placing expectations on others which will never happen.
I'm just curious, but in this context what do you mean by "placing expectations on others"
What expectations are you thinking of? Apologies if I have missed something
For people lacking body confidence, that they can just get over it with a bit of positive thinking!"Totally agree, it's not that simple. Sometimes more is needed | |||
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"I dont think you can win either way- If you are body confident you’re shamed for talking or posting about it, told the ‘flaws’ you felt you have “aren’t that big a deal” and you’re just attention seeking. Then you get the asses that pick out your flaws and try bring you down about them again. If you aren’t body confident you get berated for being overdramatic, told other people have it worse and you should just look in the mirror more and practice a few affirmations to get over it. What's the solution though....?
There isnt one- it would take people not judging/shaming or placing expectations on others which will never happen.
If it's important then why not try, why not start something....?
I practice what i preach, i dont judge others for their bodies, faces, etc. I dont place expectations for them to just get over their confidence issues and i would never shame someone for being confident in themselves.
I pull up people around me when they try it. However I accept that I’m one person, not everyone agrees with my thinking and I am not going to revolutionise the world "I agree, however when you say you don't judge people for their bodies looks etc..... If think everyone does to an extent, unless your telling me your willing to have sex with anyone regardless of their appearance, which I don't believe lol we are all the same, we do judge. But we shouldn't shame people, regardless of what we think. For example It's fine to hold the opinion that Barry at the corner shop is overweight, but going around shouting "Barrys a fatty" is not. We all make some judgements based on appearance, and that doesnt make it bad. It's not necessarily a negative thing, it just can be done negatively sometimes. | |||
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"I have always struggled with this issue in my late teens I suffered bulimia I then went from one extreme to the other and over ate /comfort ate . I thought if I lost the weight then all my issues around food would be cured in the last 3 years I’ve lost 11 stone through hard work and yet here I am with the same issues . I have a husband that tells me on a daily basis how beautiful and sexy I am and yet I still see the same old me every time I look in the mirror . I’ve come to the conclusion I’m always going to have this issue around food and the guilt that comes with it but it’s how I deal with these feelings that I’m trying to change ..Small baby steps is hopefully the way forward for me ." I think you’re gorgeous x | |||
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