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Mommy issues

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Any armchair psychologists online? I’m gonna bump this in the morning but just getting it written before I go to sleep.

Had ‘dealings’ with a male recently (real life situation). Anyway find out from a mutual friend that this dude is always saying he hates women and none of them can be trusted. Also that the mum left him and his sibling with their Dad when he was 5 and hasn’t really bothered since!

God I don’t half find these guys.

What’s people’s experiences with guys with mommy issues and how would you treat/try and help someone like this?

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Depends how he acts these feelings out to you.

You can just show him that you are trustworthy and that you are not out to hurt him.

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By *evil-AngelWoman
over a year ago

...


"Depends how he acts these feelings out to you.

You can just show him that you are trustworthy and that you are not out to hurt him. "

I agree with this. If he's behaving well towards you then by showing him you are trustworthy he'll hopefully start to respond to that.

Be careful though, it's very easy to get caught up in trying to prove yourself to someone who doesn't behave well and that's when you can lose yourself and end up being someone you aren't.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'd be bothered by someone who is didn't treat women with respect, more than anything else.

I relate to how people are now and, when people may want or need to share something with me, it would usually be because they trust me or have an issue. Rejection is amongst those things that can have people reluctant to trust. Overall, if you're just getting to know someone, get on and have lots of fun. Keep it light, fun and ensure you are respected and enjoying yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd be bothered by someone who is didn't treat women with respect, more than anything else.

I relate to how people are now and, when people may want or need to share something with me, it would usually be because they trust me or have an issue. Rejection is amongst those things that can have people reluctant to trust. Overall, if you're just getting to know someone, get on and have lots of fun. Keep it light, fun and ensure you are respected and enjoying yourself "

Hmm and make sure you are safe too x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unless you're an actual qualified psychologist, then I'd simply advise them to talk to someone who is. Trying to help when you don't really know what you're doing can do more harm than good.

This is assuming he even wants help.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

If someone has deep seated issues and is constantly saying they hate women,listen to the alarm bells ringing and avoid.

From experience in a similar situation I didn't listen and had three years dealing with someone else's toxic shit.

Point them towards a therapist and avoid.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Stay well clear as a gf, he will exhaust you and cause you to much hassle.

I would be friends, watch his behaviour from afar then, make a decision.

Protect yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does he think he needs help though?

Get to know him, but do it cautiously, you'll soon find out for yourself if he is dodgy or not and only you can make that call no one else, you obviously like him. Trust your judgements

I find it a little sad people are saying to write him off, not everyone who has been stuff like that is a psycho, people do things and say things to put barriers up, to push people away almost.

My circumstances are similar to his, and I also have trust issues but I'm glad people don't write me off

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By *am4CamWoman
over a year ago

Fairy Land

If you’ve had a poor experience with this guy; I’d steer well clear and not involve yourself further, it has the potential to be mutually destructive

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

From personal experience, I'd give someone a wide berth if they were constantly saying they hated women. Not worth the risk.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

This makes me uncomfortble.

First of all it’s going on what someone else has told you he’s said. Unless you hear him chatting like this or experience his behaviour how can you be sure it’s accurate?

And if he does have issues then he’s A) not going to take kindly to folk talking about him behind his back and b) telling him he needs “help”, especially by a woman.

I’d just leave the whole thing well alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Any armchair psychologists online? I’m gonna bump this in the morning but just getting it written before I go to sleep.

Had ‘dealings’ with a male recently (real life situation). Anyway find out from a mutual friend that this dude is always saying he hates women and none of them can be trusted. Also that the mum left him and his sibling with their Dad when he was 5 and hasn’t really bothered since!

God I don’t half find these guys.

What’s people’s experiences with guys with mommy issues and how would you treat/try and help someone like this?"

Is this similar to your situation with your dad? X

Talking to each other about your experiences may help.

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By *he riverdeep69Couple
over a year ago

North west ish

Sounds like a whole lot of drama, but if you want to fix him I'd be asking why are you attracted to men that you think are broken. Has he shown any red flag behaviours to you? Talk to him. If you don't like the answers dump and move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'd be bothered by someone who is didn't treat women with respect, more than anything else.

I relate to how people are now and, when people may want or need to share something with me, it would usually be because they trust me or have an issue. Rejection is amongst those things that can have people reluctant to trust. Overall, if you're just getting to know someone, get on and have lots of fun. Keep it light, fun and ensure you are respected and enjoying yourself "

"Treat women with respect" most guys on here are liars and cheats" lol

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I'd be bothered by someone who is didn't treat women with respect, more than anything else.

I relate to how people are now and, when people may want or need to share something with me, it would usually be because they trust me or have an issue. Rejection is amongst those things that can have people reluctant to trust. Overall, if you're just getting to know someone, get on and have lots of fun. Keep it light, fun and ensure you are respected and enjoying yourself

"Treat women with respect" most guys on here are liars and cheats" lol"

And that's funny how?

Surely that's the kind of behaviour that as a collective we should be trying to rule out, not laugh at and normalise.

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By *uited staffs guyMan
over a year ago

staffordshire

People like how the OP describes have often deeply ingrained feelings and personality issues from childhood, they are oft unable to be ‘fixed’ and will go through life like that - only if they develop any insight and want help could you help them

Saying that people like that are often by the nature quite attractive to some and fit in the ‘bad boy’ mould which many find attractive- they can do very well both on here and real life so see no reason to change

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Any armchair psychologists online? I’m gonna bump this in the morning but just getting it written before I go to sleep.

Had ‘dealings’ with a male recently (real life situation). Anyway find out from a mutual friend that this dude is always saying he hates women and none of them can be trusted. Also that the mum left him and his sibling with their Dad when he was 5 and hasn’t really bothered since!

God I don’t half find these guys.

What’s people’s experiences with guys with mommy issues and how would you treat/try and help someone like this?"

Take him over your knee and paddle him, then send him to the naughty step.

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By *oxyvixen99Woman
over a year ago

Newtownabbey

I'd make my own mind up

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull


"Any armchair psychologists online? I’m gonna bump this in the morning but just getting it written before I go to sleep.

Had ‘dealings’ with a male recently (real life situation). Anyway find out from a mutual friend that this dude is always saying he hates women and none of them can be trusted. Also that the mum left him and his sibling with their Dad when he was 5 and hasn’t really bothered since!

God I don’t half find these guys.

What’s people’s experiences with guys with mommy issues and how would you treat/try and help someone like this?"

You can't help him he has to want to help himself or you're in for a lot of grief especially if his hatred of women is deeply imbedded

I'd walk away and find a man who adores you and treats you right.

If it's meant to be the guy will seek help himself and come into your life at a later stage when he's self healed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Depends how he acts these feelings out to you.

You can just show him that you are trustworthy and that you are not out to hurt him.

I agree with this. If he's behaving well towards you then by showing him you are trustworthy he'll hopefully start to respond to that.

Be careful though, it's very easy to get caught up in trying to prove yourself to someone who doesn't behave well and that's when you can lose yourself and end up being someone you aren't. "

^ what this lady said. So easily done and you don't realise you've "lost" yourself until a good while...

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

The guy is hurting and by saying he dislikes women is his way of dealing with it. He feels abandoned and is hurting but not willing to admit it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can't save them all, or even any of them, You cant treat or help someone it has to come from them. It is heart breaking for you eventually and a bit self destructive to try. That may sound a bit cruel but unless he is actually asking for help he doesnt want it, daresay even need it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As I tell my friends- don't be a drama llama.

Does my nut in, when my friend decides to pick a guy with issues because she thinks she can change him- never ends well.

Move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Talk to him, not us....

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Walk away. You don't need another bad experience in your life

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I’ve had the bad experience. Was love bombed for a solid month then did the deed then blocked!

Since then was speaking to one of my good male friends of over 20 years, had no idea that he knew this dude really well and trains with him and he told me that he did something similar to a close female friend of his only didn’t go as far as even meeting her but she said similar to what I had, very intense and she thought he was massively into her then he just cut her off completely.

From the guy himself he said he’ll be happy when his mother dies and then my friend explained how she walked out on her family when he was little. Also said he’s always saying how much he hates women and none of them can be trusted.

My self worth is real low so I’m hoping that in this particular instance it wasn’t anything I did and the guys just a prick with issues rather than me not being good enough, again which is how I always feel. That’s basically the reason for the post.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I’ve had the bad experience. Was love bombed for a solid month then did the deed then blocked!

Since then was speaking to one of my good male friends of over 20 years, had no idea that he knew this dude really well and trains with him and he told me that he did something similar to a close female friend of his only didn’t go as far as even meeting her but she said similar to what I had, very intense and she thought he was massively into her then he just cut her off completely.

From the guy himself he said he’ll be happy when his mother dies and then my friend explained how she walked out on her family when he was little. Also said he’s always saying how much he hates women and none of them can be trusted.

My self worth is real low so I’m hoping that in this particular instance it wasn’t anything I did and the guys just a prick with issues rather than me not being good enough, again which is how I always feel. That’s basically the reason for the post. "

Is it the love bomb guy who hates his mum?

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish


"I’ve had the bad experience. Was love bombed for a solid month then did the deed then blocked!

Since then was speaking to one of my good male friends of over 20 years, had no idea that he knew this dude really well and trains with him and he told me that he did something similar to a close female friend of his only didn’t go as far as even meeting her but she said similar to what I had, very intense and she thought he was massively into her then he just cut her off completely.

From the guy himself he said he’ll be happy when his mother dies and then my friend explained how she walked out on her family when he was little. Also said he’s always saying how much he hates women and none of them can be trusted.

My self worth is real low so I’m hoping that in this particular instance it wasn’t anything I did and the guys just a prick with issues rather than me not being good enough, again which is how I always feel. That’s basically the reason for the post. "

He is scared to get too close to any female incase they walk out on him like his mum did. He needs counselling before he can resolve these issues.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I’ve had the bad experience. Was love bombed for a solid month then did the deed then blocked!

Since then was speaking to one of my good male friends of over 20 years, had no idea that he knew this dude really well and trains with him and he told me that he did something similar to a close female friend of his only didn’t go as far as even meeting her but she said similar to what I had, very intense and she thought he was massively into her then he just cut her off completely.

From the guy himself he said he’ll be happy when his mother dies and then my friend explained how she walked out on her family when he was little. Also said he’s always saying how much he hates women and none of them can be trusted.

My self worth is real low so I’m hoping that in this particular instance it wasn’t anything I did and the guys just a prick with issues rather than me not being good enough, again which is how I always feel. That’s basically the reason for the post.

Is it the love bomb guy who hates his mum? "

Yep. It’s sad in a way.

How you are with your kids really does determine how they handle adult relationships.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I’ve had the bad experience. Was love bombed for a solid month then did the deed then blocked!

Since then was speaking to one of my good male friends of over 20 years, had no idea that he knew this dude really well and trains with him and he told me that he did something similar to a close female friend of his only didn’t go as far as even meeting her but she said similar to what I had, very intense and she thought he was massively into her then he just cut her off completely.

From the guy himself he said he’ll be happy when his mother dies and then my friend explained how she walked out on her family when he was little. Also said he’s always saying how much he hates women and none of them can be trusted.

My self worth is real low so I’m hoping that in this particular instance it wasn’t anything I did and the guys just a prick with issues rather than me not being good enough, again which is how I always feel. That’s basically the reason for the post.

Is it the love bomb guy who hates his mum?

Yep. It’s sad in a way.

How you are with your kids really does determine how they handle adult relationships. "

Yes it does impact hugely.

You must know now that it's nothing you did that caused him to act the way he did

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As you have said your self worth is low so I would say you need someone who is going to lift you not make you feel worse , this isn’t his fault as he clearly has issues but you need to protect yourself from any possible hurt and upset . It sounds like you are feeling empathy towards him which is lovely but that can’t be at a detriment to your own feelings xxx

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"I’ve had the bad experience. Was love bombed for a solid month then did the deed then blocked!

Since then was speaking to one of my good male friends of over 20 years, had no idea that he knew this dude really well and trains with him and he told me that he did something similar to a close female friend of his only didn’t go as far as even meeting her but she said similar to what I had, very intense and she thought he was massively into her then he just cut her off completely.

From the guy himself he said he’ll be happy when his mother dies and then my friend explained how she walked out on her family when he was little. Also said he’s always saying how much he hates women and none of them can be trusted.

My self worth is real low so I’m hoping that in this particular instance it wasn’t anything I did and the guys just a prick with issues rather than me not being good enough, again which is how I always feel. That’s basically the reason for the post. "

Annie, other people treating you badly isn't about you not being good enough. Even if they decide you aren't for them it's still up to them to end things decently.

I also want to throw in that incompatibility isn't a failure on either side either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ve had the bad experience. Was love bombed for a solid month then did the deed then blocked!

Since then was speaking to one of my good male friends of over 20 years, had no idea that he knew this dude really well and trains with him and he told me that he did something similar to a close female friend of his only didn’t go as far as even meeting her but she said similar to what I had, very intense and she thought he was massively into her then he just cut her off completely.

From the guy himself he said he’ll be happy when his mother dies and then my friend explained how she walked out on her family when he was little. Also said he’s always saying how much he hates women and none of them can be trusted.

My self worth is real low so I’m hoping that in this particular instance it wasn’t anything I did and the guys just a prick with issues rather than me not being good enough, again which is how I always feel. That’s basically the reason for the post.

Is it the love bomb guy who hates his mum?

Yep. It’s sad in a way.

How you are with your kids really does determine how they handle adult relationships. "

I disagree, some not all. In some cases other factors combined determine that. I have never let my upbringing determine or shape how I form and handle relationships...

My character is mine, set by me. My upbringing doesn't really factor into that because I havr never used my past to excuse my behaviours.

Judging by some of the comments on this thread I should of been written off and not given a chance by anyone a long time ago.

Wow kindness costs nothing hey.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ve had the bad experience. Was love bombed for a solid month then did the deed then blocked!

Since then was speaking to one of my good male friends of over 20 years, had no idea that he knew this dude really well and trains with him and he told me that he did something similar to a close female friend of his only didn’t go as far as even meeting her but she said similar to what I had, very intense and she thought he was massively into her then he just cut her off completely.

From the guy himself he said he’ll be happy when his mother dies and then my friend explained how she walked out on her family when he was little. Also said he’s always saying how much he hates women and none of them can be trusted.

My self worth is real low so I’m hoping that in this particular instance it wasn’t anything I did and the guys just a prick with issues rather than me not being good enough, again which is how I always feel. That’s basically the reason for the post.

Is it the love bomb guy who hates his mum?

Yep. It’s sad in a way.

How you are with your kids really does determine how they handle adult relationships.

I disagree, some not all. In some cases other factors combined determine that. I have never let my upbringing determine or shape how I form and handle relationships...

My character is mine, set by me. My upbringing doesn't really factor into that because I havr never used my past to excuse my behaviours.

Judging by some of the comments on this thread I should of been written off and not given a chance by anyone a long time ago.

Wow kindness costs nothing hey."

I agree with this a bit too, there are plenty of people out there that come from terrible backgrounds yet have still made it. We can use any excuses we want for our awful behaviour but at then end of the day we have choices and know what is right or wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ve had the bad experience. Was love bombed for a solid month then did the deed then blocked!

Since then was speaking to one of my good male friends of over 20 years, had no idea that he knew this dude really well and trains with him and he told me that he did something similar to a close female friend of his only didn’t go as far as even meeting her but she said similar to what I had, very intense and she thought he was massively into her then he just cut her off completely.

From the guy himself he said he’ll be happy when his mother dies and then my friend explained how she walked out on her family when he was little. Also said he’s always saying how much he hates women and none of them can be trusted.

My self worth is real low so I’m hoping that in this particular instance it wasn’t anything I did and the guys just a prick with issues rather than me not being good enough, again which is how I always feel. That’s basically the reason for the post.

Annie, other people treating you badly isn't about you not being good enough. Even if they decide you aren't for them it's still up to them to end things decently.

I also want to throw in that incompatibility isn't a failure on either side either."

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