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A struggling neurotypical.

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By *opsy Rogers OP   Woman
over a year ago

London

Bloke I know seems to me to be neurodiverse whereas I'm very typical. All my family are typical and apart from some friends children I've realised I've not been engaging properly with others I've come across who are diverse.

This particular man is a work colleague and I'm failing to communicate with him. Nothing major, no feelings hurt but I'm struggling to be clear with him.

Now I realise that men in general like a more direct approach, clear communication, say what you mean sort of thing (same as me really) but I'm letting this particular colleague down. Soooo many crossed wires and misinterpretation.

How can I address this without speaking to him like he's 5 years old?

What advice would you offer me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you break this down into layman’s terms for us blokes to understand ?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Could you give a couple of examples of misunderstandings so we know how to target a response?

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By *opsy Rogers OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Could you give a couple of examples of misunderstandings so we know how to target a response?"

Missing key information during conversation mainly. Does that make sense?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Could you give a couple of examples of misunderstandings so we know how to target a response?

Missing key information during conversation mainly. Does that make sense? "

He is missing key information?

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Sounds very unlike you Topsy to be in the back foot!

Maybe he’s not hearing because you are too direct? Failing that ask him ?

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Have you considered summarising exactly what you need him to do. I know it sounds basic but many people don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have you considered summarising exactly what you need him to do. I know it sounds basic but many people don't. "

Or asking him to summarise back to you what his understanding of what you have asked is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I realise you don't want to treat him like a 5 year old, but if I've given my kids multiple instructions, I get them to bullet point them in order back to me.

Do you mean in a general conversational way or an instructional work way btw?

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

If you have work emails, maybe send an email summary with bullet points of the tasks that are required. I'm dyslexic so I do this with others who are, to avoid confusion between us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you have work emails, maybe send an email summary with bullet points of the tasks that are required. I'm dyslexic so I do this with others who are, to avoid confusion between us. "

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By *opsy Rogers OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Could you give a couple of examples of misunderstandings so we know how to target a response?

Missing key information during conversation mainly. Does that make sense?

He is missing key information?"

Yep. Along the lines of a morning hello chat, incorporating what the day brings (we are colleagues, I'm not his boss). It's so difficult to pinpoint hence the struggle.

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By *opsy Rogers OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Sounds very unlike you Topsy to be in the back foot!

Maybe he’s not hearing because you are too direct? Failing that ask him ? "

How!?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Could you give a couple of examples of misunderstandings so we know how to target a response?

Missing key information during conversation mainly. Does that make sense?

He is missing key information?

Yep. Along the lines of a morning hello chat, incorporating what the day brings (we are colleagues, I'm not his boss). It's so difficult to pinpoint hence the struggle."

I’m slightly confused now Topsy, sorry.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"Could you give a couple of examples of misunderstandings so we know how to target a response?

Missing key information during conversation mainly. Does that make sense?

He is missing key information?

Yep. Along the lines of a morning hello chat, incorporating what the day brings (we are colleagues, I'm not his boss). It's so difficult to pinpoint hence the struggle."

Depending on him, this maybe too much information in one go. Maybe do your good morning and hello chat, go do something for a couple of minutes then come back to the tasks that need doing

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Could you give a couple of examples of misunderstandings so we know how to target a response?

Missing key information during conversation mainly. Does that make sense?

He is missing key information?

Yep. Along the lines of a morning hello chat, incorporating what the day brings (we are colleagues, I'm not his boss). It's so difficult to pinpoint hence the struggle.

I’m slightly confused now Topsy, sorry."

Same, I don't understand.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham


"Bloke I know seems to me to be neurodiverse whereas I'm very typical. All my family are typical and apart from some friends children I've realised I've not been engaging properly with others I've come across who are diverse.

This particular man is a work colleague and I'm failing to communicate with him. Nothing major, no feelings hurt but I'm struggling to be clear with him.

Now I realise that men in general like a more direct approach, clear communication, say what you mean sort of thing (same as me really) but I'm letting this particular colleague down. Soooo many crossed wires and misinterpretation.

How can I address this without speaking to him like he's 5 years old?

What advice would you offer me?

"

Eh? I think I can see where your colleague is coming from.

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By *evensnipeMan
over a year ago

Byfield

Men and women communicate in totally different ways. Do some basic reading up on Transactional Analysis or better still neurolinguist programming NLP. A basic understanding of these would help you understand the differences in male/female use, application and comprehension of the use of the spoken word. It's not just about the spoken word used remember communication is also 60% body language. Also body language is read differently by males and females. For example having a conversation with woman as a male you see her nodding her head positively up and down. This doesn't mean she agrees, it mean she is hearing and processing what he is saying, it does not necessarily mean she agrees with what is being said. Does this make sense?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I wonder if this guy is similar to my father in some ways and since her head injury my mother.

When I tell them about something that's happened I need to break it down into sections of information and give it to them a piece at a time rather than e.g. telling them about an event that requires them to piece information together. So instead of relating an anecdote in one go, I have to start with the groundwork, let them take that in and build on it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't understand either Topsy sorry.

Maybe you're using language he doesn't understand (this post is a good example)

Make things simpler.

X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you start this thread just to shoe horn the Word ‘neurodiverse’ in ?

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry


"Bloke I know seems to me to be neurodiverse whereas I'm very typical. All my family are typical and apart from some friends children I've realised I've not been engaging properly with others I've come across who are diverse.

This particular man is a work colleague and I'm failing to communicate with him. Nothing major, no feelings hurt but I'm struggling to be clear with him.

Now I realise that men in general like a more direct approach, clear communication, say what you mean sort of thing (same as me really) but I'm letting this particular colleague down. Soooo many crossed wires and misinterpretation.

How can I address this without speaking to him like he's 5 years old?

What advice would you offer me?

"

Clarify something for me, do you have the impression/opinion this colleague is on the spectrum?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

How about just naming the problem and asking what you can do to address it?

I think that works no matter if he's neurodivergent or not, and no matter how he is (because neurodivergence isn't just one thing, obviously)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m so confused

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I don't entirely understand the issue either, but I'm thrilled that the OP is using "neurodiversity" and related terms. It needs to catch on.

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By *opsy Rogers OP   Woman
over a year ago

London

Thanks to all of you, your input has highlighted lots for me, loads to consider and learn and I shall be looking at ways to improve my communication.

As always, forumites are there for support and a bit of a giggle, ta

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks to all of you, your input has highlighted lots for me, loads to consider and learn and I shall be looking at ways to improve my communication.

As always, forumites are there for support and a bit of a giggle, ta "

Was this some kind of experiment, were we Guinea pigs ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My niece is a bit like this. You have to ask her directly and succintly what you want her to do, only give her one task at a time and don't use metaphors or ambiguous language. She does well with lists she can tick off each task.

An example would be - you can't just tell her to tidy her room, you have to tell her where to put things and which bits to tidy.

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By *erman8Man
over a year ago

plymouth

I do agree.

From what you (the OP) say, it sounds like he may be on the autistic spectrum. Some people like to self disclose their condition, some don't and some don't know. If he is (and I am actually qualified to speak due to the work I do), try to avoid open questions and metaphors.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I do agree.

From what you (the OP) say, it sounds like he may be on the autistic spectrum. Some people like to self disclose their condition, some don't and some don't know. If he is (and I am actually qualified to speak due to the work I do), try to avoid open questions and metaphors."

I know you say you're qualified to speak due to your work but I'm interested to know how you've come to that conclusion from what's been written here.

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