FabSwingers.com forum: Advice based on your experience?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I’m in a healthy friends with benefit relationship with a beautiful girl that I find so sexy, just perfect and totally my cup of tea... I often hug and get hard by just the simplest of interaction with her and would love to totally get down on her in those instances... but tonight and a few nights previously when things have been heating up and I’ve been down on her to make her cum with my mouth and then she moves over to her side so that I make love her I go soft... and no matter what I do I struggle to get hard again... anybody any advise on what’s going on or how I can resolve this problem... I find her so sexy and so perfect that looks is not an issue or the problem of why I’m going soft...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It may have happened once and now you are over thinking it and worrying about it that it’s became an issue.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

But other days it’s perfect and not an issue it’s just occasionally...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What that jewelled lady said. Try not to think of it. It happens to everyone at some point. Take your time. Spend more time on other forms of foreplay. Hopefully you’ll soon return to being stiffer than a week old corpse

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By *iz78Woman
over a year ago

wirral

Stop thinking too much about it. It's now in your head that it's going to happen so you are psycologicly putting pressure on yourself.

Try doing different types of foreplay you enjoy and relax.

Google about watermelon being a natural viagra. Keep away from alcohol. Get a check up from your doctor incase of an underlying health condition

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like you're getting too fixated on making her cum orally OP. Probably so 'up in your head' about that task that you stop feeling your own arousal. Then you realise you're gone limp when she's ready for you to enter her. Now you are frustrated, up in your head again but by this time annoyed you can't get it up before she looses the arousal and momentum she has due to your diligent oral !

The more frustrated you get, the more pressure you put on yourself the less likely it will happen. You're getting into the vicious circle of preoccupation - stress - frustration.

Talk to your FWB. Realise she may not need or want you to spend ages going down on her.

Try to enjoy the sex in the moment. Don't have an agenda. Go with the flow and for the next time together aim for a quickie.

Once you get back on track and used to each other the vicious circle will be history.

In short :-

You're a man

Multi-tasking is difficult

Think less, get out of your head

...and get to the main event ASAP!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m in a healthy friends with benefit relationship with a beautiful girl that I find so sexy, just perfect and totally my cup of tea... I often hug and get hard by just the simplest of interaction with her and would love to totally get down on her in those instances... but tonight and a few nights previously when things have been heating up and I’ve been down on her to make her cum with my mouth and then she moves over to her side so that I make love her I go soft... and no matter what I do I struggle to get hard again... anybody any advise on what’s going on or how I can resolve this problem... I find her so sexy and so perfect that looks is not an issue or the problem of why I’m going soft... "

Sadly it seems you are losing your manliness... speaking from painful experience your are likely to start wearing a dress and get involved in all sorts of scenarios that the term ‘bi curious’ doesn’t even start to cover....

Or, perhaps you just maybe need to chill out, take a blue pill if needs be and live the dream!

All the best x

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By *he OriginalsCouple
over a year ago

peterborough

"Sounds like you're getting too fixated on making her cum orally OP. Probably so 'up in your head' about that task that you stop feeling your own arousal. Then you realise you're gone limp when she's ready for you to enter her. Now you are frustrated, up in your head again but by this time annoyed you can't get it up before she looses the arousal and momentum she has due to your diligent oral !

The more frustrated you get, the more pressure you put on yourself the less likely it will happen. You're getting into the vicious circle of preoccupation - stress - frustration.

Talk to your FWB. Realise she may not need or want you to spend ages going down on her.

Try to enjoy the sex in the moment. Don't have an agenda. Go with the flow and for the next time together aim for a quickie.

Once you get back on track and used to each other the vicious circle will be history.

In short :-

You're a man

Multi-tasking is difficult

Think less, get out of your head

...and get to the main event ASAP!

I totally agree....... relax and enjoy the moment! Don’t always expect full intercourse. Doesn’t always have to end up like that. Foreplay, touching, tasting, pleasing each other with oral sex

Look at your diet. My partner is Spanish and strongly believes onions r the key to a good erection.

Red onions r kinda to the breath so just chop two onions, pour lemon juice over them and season. He eats a bowel full 3x a week, also walnuts & ginger r good

.Good luck xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most of us have experienced the same thing at some point. You just need to think of new ways to keep aroused. The chemicals in the human mind have an uncanny ability to adapt, which makes it harder to stay sexually aroused especially over a long period of time. That is when our imagination takes over to keep our sexual drive buzzing high to perform e.g. Role playing. Some can do it by thought, others by action by taking greater and greater risks e.g. some like to film it, or do it with the lights on and the door open, and curtains pulled back, or going to an outdoor spot and doing it in public with the risk of being caught so high that their sexual impulse is racing between fear and excitement of almost getting caught.

Each person has a different level of stimulus to keep them aroused long enough to orgasm. For others it can simply be how they train their mind e.g. Imagine you are in a crowded room and everyone is around you cheering you on, or imagine your relatives are in the room with you and have caught you in the act and you don't care. There are a million ways to stay sexually aroused with thought or action. I feel sexually aroused more when there is an audience watching or a mirror or open window. If you are finding that your 'major general' is standing down early, then he just needs something new to keep him aroused by thinking or doing something more sexually arousing to keep his attention up.

Sex = Active body + Active mind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Happy to step up to help a broth er out. Ill give you my phone number then next time it happens you can phone a friend.

Or more seriously... Get her to suck your cock while you're down on her. And dont prolong the foreplay.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So many good responses, thanks so much, I think maybe In my mind I only focus on making her cum so that when it happens there is no more for me to carry on with. Even though I really love orally pleasing her i think I need to also act in those moments of arousal throughout the day to use those moments and not wait till the night...

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