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Establishing and building confidence

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By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

How do you develop confidence in yourself? Sustain it, when the going gets tough?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take time out for myself, don't attempt something I know I can't do or carry through with, be honest to yourself, take one day at a time, start small, don't try to be something your not, don't go with the herd, plough your own furough, if it hasn't gone your way step back relax and reflect before trying again...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s strange, I don’t feel like I have any confidence in myself at all but people seem to tell me all the time that I’m a very confident person.

Is it a cover up to act confident when you don’t feel it or is acting confident the first step towards being confident ? Honestly I don’t know but I try to act it even when I don’t feel it and I’ve done stuff that I never thought I’d be able to both in personal life and career so I guess for now I’ll just continue to act confident as see how it goes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I set mini goals wether it be in work or in my personal life. When I'm doubting myself I gain confidence from hitting each wee target

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By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"It’s strange, I don’t feel like I have any confidence in myself at all but people seem to tell me all the time that I’m a very confident person.

Is it a cover up to act confident when you don’t feel it or is acting confident the first step towards being confident ? Honestly I don’t know but I try to act it even when I don’t feel it and I’ve done stuff that I never thought I’d be able to both in personal life and career so I guess for now I’ll just continue to act confident as see how it goes "

I think it can be both. I think you can get an easier ride if you seem confident, which can help you build confidence.

For me it was never enough and I had to build myself from within. Which is fucking hard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really wanna quote blurs park life here but I’ll resist.

I think confidence is something that has to be worked at and for most people it is fleeting.

I’m genuinely a confident guy but I do have regular periods of self doubt and self loathing.

I have some great memories to fall back on in these times and have managed to surround myself with people who think a lot of me and I them.

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By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think there's something very liberating about saying "I am enough". Not I'm amazing or wonderful, but I'm enough. I'm part of a whole, I contribute. Being good enough isn't a bad thing, and giving 100% or more all the time is difficult or impossible.

I think confidence exists on a spectrum, to a point, and being adequate and happy is better than striving for amazing while wallowing in self-doubt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I’m genuinely a confident guy but I do have regular periods of self doubt and self loathing.

"

If these regular periods are more than fleeting, that seems like a really contradictory statement

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think there's something very liberating about saying "I am enough". Not I'm amazing or wonderful, but I'm enough. I'm part of a whole, I contribute. Being good enough isn't a bad thing, and giving 100% or more all the time is difficult or impossible.

I think confidence exists on a spectrum, to a point, and being adequate and happy is better than striving for amazing while wallowing in self-doubt."

Agree. I wouldn't say I was completely confident and I still get hellish nervous when doing something new. But I'd rather have wobbles and be adequate and content than amazing. And being slightly nervous is better than some stuff I've gone through.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I’m genuinely a confident guy but I do have regular periods of self doubt and self loathing.

If these regular periods are more than fleeting, that seems like a really contradictory statement "

Not really sure what your point is there but if you wanna call it contradictory then whatever.

It’s just like you asking a friend if she likes your hair or dress or makeup.

Self doubt lives in everyone everywhere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Applying oneself relentlessly and telling yourself the person next to you is feeling exactly the same.

The amount of times I've been in stressful situations to be told afterwards how calm I appeared has been many. Inwardly I was a bag of nerves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve always been a very confident person, right from when I was a very small child. For the very first time in my life, lockdown has led to me not being able to do what I want and things not going to plan. I’m trying to look at it as a learning experience by reflecting on what’s happened and my behaviour... I hope it’ll end soon.

Playing that Chumbawumba sing in my head now: I get knocked down...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’ve always been a very confident person, right from when I was a very small child. For the very first time in my life, lockdown has led to me not being able to do what I want and things not going to plan. I’m trying to look at it as a learning experience by reflecting on what’s happened and my behaviour... I hope it’ll end soon.

Playing that Chumbawumba sing in my head now: I get knocked down..."

Tubthumping

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I own my life, my happiness and my outlook on things. I have achieved throughout my life by working hard and keeping my feet firmly on the ground. I am confident but humility and authenticity are equally important to me.

'The day you forget where you came from, is usually the first day of your downfall' has served me very well as a mantra in my life and career.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

It's good to remember that not being over confident actually helps keep us in check, it reminds us to be thoughtful and careful.

Don't take on too much. I overwhelmed myself with decorating last week instead of giving myself a break, I had a cry but was reminded by friends that Rome wasn't built in a day and the only deadline on it was the one I was putting on myself. I slept on it, went in the next day with the attitude that I don't need to rush, yes, I needed certain bits done for safety and I needed to prioritise those.

So yeah, prioritising what matters, that helps. Plus giving yourself a break, and giving yourself credit for trying.

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By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"It's good to remember that not being over confident actually helps keep us in check, it reminds us to be thoughtful and careful.

Don't take on too much. I overwhelmed myself with decorating last week instead of giving myself a break, I had a cry but was reminded by friends that Rome wasn't built in a day and the only deadline on it was the one I was putting on myself. I slept on it, went in the next day with the attitude that I don't need to rush, yes, I needed certain bits done for safety and I needed to prioritise those.

So yeah, prioritising what matters, that helps. Plus giving yourself a break, and giving yourself credit for trying."

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By *JohnMan
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Years of therapy. That's genuine, not flippant. It has taught me to recognise the thoughts of self-doubt, know the cause, and replace them with something more realistic and helpful.

It's still hard, it's tiring to keep up, and my general confidence is not high. But it is no longer non-existent.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"

I’m genuinely a confident guy but I do have regular periods of self doubt and self loathing.

If these regular periods are more than fleeting, that seems like a really contradictory statement

Not really sure what your point is there but if you wanna call it contradictory then whatever.

It’s just like you asking a friend if she likes your hair or dress or makeup.

Self doubt lives in everyone everywhere."

Can relate totally to what you're saying and don't see it as contradictory at all - I accept me for who I am, warts and all, and in that respect I'm confident but it doesn't mean I wouldn't rather some of those warts could be frozen off either.

And confidence is of course a preference of the habitual voyeur of what is known as....

You might not have gone there Sam but I am

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"

I’m genuinely a confident guy but I do have regular periods of self doubt and self loathing.

If these regular periods are more than fleeting, that seems like a really contradictory statement "

Not at all, I'm genuinely confident in certain areas but there are other scenarios that may not come round all that often that cause me self doubt or self loathing.

A lot of the time its based on how you have performed previously with tasks or situations, how often you've been in that situation, and the outcome itself. When other people are involved you don't always have to be confident in yourself, sometimes you need to have confidence in others too.

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By *estrained_DallianceMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

There's definitely an element of 'fake it til you make it' agree with other posters that acting confident often makes life easier so you become more confident.

You've also got to remember that most people have imposter syndrome at some point and it's probably those who never doubt themselves you should worry about.

Certainly when I think of colleagues it's the over confident ones I watch the most!

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By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Years of therapy. That's genuine, not flippant. It has taught me to recognise the thoughts of self-doubt, know the cause, and replace them with something more realistic and helpful.

It's still hard, it's tiring to keep up, and my general confidence is not high. But it is no longer non-existent."

You and me both

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends what area of my life I need a confidence boost in at that time.

I can be very confident to the world while crumbling inside, which I'm very good at doing especially for the last few months.

I have my family, some wonderful, dear friends, music and my writing to help when it's needed. Sometimes a cuddle from my kids is all I need.

Great thread Swing, very thought provoking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to have confidence, then I lost it and now trying to build it all up again.

I became very depressed for the last 4-5 years but met someone that made me feel I'm actually better than I thought and so I've been working it all back up bit by bit.

I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but as long as I'm someone's Pepsi Max that's all I really care about! I am who I am, and I am learning to accept that what I see in the mirror is good enough. It's a long process to accept, but I'm getting there.

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By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think confidence is a process of building, rebuilding, and shoring up over a lifetime. It's work. It's hard. But we must.

And we can be here for each other

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I brim confidence when it comes to work.

For things that I have to do personally about the house or for the family that involve external parties I am confident.

When it comes to me as a person singular then I have no confidence at all. It was stripped from me too early in life and will never come back.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

My mum built it into me!

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I brim confidence when it comes to work.

For things that I have to do personally about the house or for the family that involve external parties I am confident.

When it comes to me as a person singular then I have no confidence at all. It was stripped from me too early in life and will never come back.

"

And that's just it, for the majority of people there is no *absolute* confidence that covers every single aspect of their lives, just confidence around elements of what we do - as for those areas where we are less confident it either comes to acceptance of that, or working with it as best we can, either masking it or building it over time.

Expecting complete confidence is expecting the virtually impossible

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like that I am less confident, less certain than I was. My confidence was based on illusion. I find being more stumbling, inquiring, sensitive and compassionate a more authentic way of being for me.

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By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I like that I am less confident, less certain than I was. My confidence was based on illusion. I find being more stumbling, inquiring, sensitive and compassionate a more authentic way of being for me."

The pendulum definitely swings too far sometimes. Difficult to find a balance between self doubt and over confidence

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I’m genuinely a confident guy but I do have regular periods of self doubt and self loathing.

If these regular periods are more than fleeting, that seems like a really contradictory statement

Not really sure what your point is there but if you wanna call it contradictory then whatever.

It’s just like you asking a friend if she likes your hair or dress or makeup.

Self doubt lives in everyone everywhere.

Can relate totally to what you're saying and don't see it as contradictory at all - I accept me for who I am, warts and all, and in that respect I'm confident but it doesn't mean I wouldn't rather some of those warts could be frozen off either.

And confidence is of course a preference of the habitual voyeur of what is known as....

You might not have gone there Sam but I am "

Cheers GM

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have the opposite problem, I have an abundance of hubris, I grow it in my allotment.

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By *ugRollersCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle

My confidence goes up and down all the time... one minute I feel confident and sexy.... and the next I feel fat as fuck and going to delete this because who would even want to go with me!?

But I think it’s just lockdown fever... I need the gyms to reopen ... I need some fun back and I need to feel like myself again... hopefully there’s light at the end of the tunnel soon!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How do you develop confidence in yourself? Sustain it, when the going gets tough? "

It’s a very long process, which goes in fits and starts, I’m currently not so confident in myself, so finding things a bit hard.

It’s a constant work in progress for me

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By *naswingdress OP   Woman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"How do you develop confidence in yourself? Sustain it, when the going gets tough?

It’s a very long process, which goes in fits and starts, I’m currently not so confident in myself, so finding things a bit hard.

It’s a constant work in progress for me "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

By doing something out of my comfort zone and then have the voice of an old boss in my head who always encouraged me to succeed. I can't refuse!

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

I find I have confidence in myself when I put on the dress and make up, yet in male mode I tend to use sarcasm and humour to hide behind.

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