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And then Jesus said

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

..........

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

Nailed it!

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By *illyjohnyCouple
over a year ago

brighton

I am not the messiah I'm just Brian

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

DANCE MAGIC DANC--

oh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always feel like everyone just wants to nail me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you really writing down everything I say, or just the good bits?

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By *ersnickety PantsWoman
over a year ago

Club Meets Only

Hang around with me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

5 fish and 2 loaves of bread?! Fucking idiots how is that gonna feed 5 thousand.

So gullible

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By *ichaelangelaCouple
over a year ago

notts

I see you only have 3 nails left. Would it help if I put my feet together

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In many years 1 of your descendants will make a thing called the telephone Noah. Until then I can only make long distance calls via a burning bush"

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By *itKerryMaleMan
over a year ago

kerry

And the Lord said unto John, “ Come forth and you will receive eternal life.” But John came fifth - and won a toaster

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

I'm not a fucking rabbi Judas

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"30 pieces of silver REALLY!!" Billy the kid was worth $5000

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""In many years 1 of your descendants will make a thing called the telephone Noah. Until then I can only make long distance calls via a burning bush""

I’ve got a bush that needs burning

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Benny Wood, you rock!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"And the Lord said unto John, “ Come forth and you will receive eternal life.” But John came fifth - and won a toaster"

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

"Of course they'll get the joke. It's an obvious parody of other religions. Just write it down like I said. Nobody will take this stuff seriously."

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Feed everyone

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

If all else fails, go flip some tables and kill a tree for not producing fruit out of season

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck me sideways and jolly my roger! I'm who!?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""In many years 1 of your descendants will make a thing called the telephone Noah. Until then I can only make long distance calls via a burning bush"

I’ve got a bush that needs burning "

Your Bush is already too hot lol

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By *luebellRacerCouple
over a year ago

Shropshire

Love each other.

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By *ljamMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I'll show you well hung

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And on the third day, there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee. And it came to pass that all the wine was d*unk. And the mother of the bride came to Jesus and said unto the Lord, they have no more wine. And Jesus said unto the servants: "Fill six waterpots with water." And they did so. And when the steward of the feast did taste from the water of the pots, it had become wine. And they knew not whence it had come.

But the servants did know, so they applauded loudly in the kitchen. And they said unto the Lord: "How the hell did you do that?" And inquired of him: "Do you do children's parties" And the Lord said:"No." But the servants did press him, saying; "Go on, give us another one!"

And so he brought forth a carrot, and said: "Behold this, for it is a carrot." And all about him knew that it was so. For it was orange, with a green top. And he did place a large red cloth over the carrot, and then removed it, and lo, he held in his hand a white rabbit. And all were amazed, and said: "This guy is really good! He should turn professional."

And they brought him on a stretcher a man who was sick of the palsy. And they cried unto him: "Maestro, this man is sick of the palsy." And the Lord said: "If I had to spend my whole life on a stretcher, I'd be pretty sick of the palsy, too!" And they were filled with joy. And cried out: "Lord, thy one-liners are as good as thy tricks. Thou art indeed an all-round family entertainer."

And there came unto him a woman called Mary, who had seen the Lord and believed, and Jesus said unto her:"Put on a tutu, and lie down in this box." And then took he forth a saw, and cleft her in twain. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. But Jesus said: "Oh ye of little faith!" And he threw open the box and lo, Mary was whole. And the crowd went absolutely bananas. And Jesus and Mary took a big bow. And he said unto her: "From now on you shall be known as Trixy, for that is a good name for an assistant."

And the people said unto him: "We've never seen anything like this. You shouldn't be wasting your time in a one camel town like Cana. You should beplaying in the big arenas in Jerusalem!" And Jesus did harken to their words. And he did go on to Jerusalem, and he did his full act before the scribes, the Palestines and the Romans.

But alas it did not please them in their hearts. In fact, they crucified him.

(From a very old Rowan Atkinson sketch)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck off

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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT


"Fuck off "

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By *imon_hydeMan
over a year ago

Stockport

???? ?????? ??? ???? ?? ????? ?????

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By *itKerryMaleMan
over a year ago

kerry


"If all else fails, go flip some tables and kill a tree for not producing fruit out of season"
that table was in a temple of all places too lmao

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am not the messiah I'm just Brian "

And he's a very naughty boy.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Passed over

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Peter, Peter!! I can see your house from here

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"???? ?????? ??? ???? ?? ????? ?????"

You might want to transliterate that

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire


"Peter, Peter!! I can see your house from here "

Lol

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By *itKerryMaleMan
over a year ago

kerry


"???? ?????? ??? ???? ?? ????? ?????

You might want to transliterate that "
it's all down to our own interpretation sure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"???? ?????? ??? ???? ?? ????? ?????

You might want to transliterate that "

He's written it foreign and we haven't got the right font

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"???? ?????? ??? ???? ?? ????? ?????

You might want to transliterate that

He's written it foreign and we haven't got the right font"

That's what I meant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"???? ?????? ??? ???? ?? ????? ?????

You might want to transliterate that

He's written it foreign and we haven't got the right font

That's what I meant "

You used a long word. I didn't understand it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bring on the naked dancing ladies

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

Ermmm would you mind rolling that stone across the doorway please, the sunlights right in my eyes

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By *lap.n.tickleCouple
over a year ago

sunny Manchester :)

1s apon a time bla bla bla and they all lived happily ever after

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

And then Jesus said, "what does the fox say"

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

Jesus ain't here, but his dad is.

Well, whenever I walk into a room, someone says "Oh God, not you again".

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By *orraine999Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere


"5 fish and 2 loaves of bread?! Fucking idiots how is that gonna feed 5 thousand.

So gullible "

..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is this like Jesus says/Simon says....?

Jesus says don't do what Jesus says....

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By *orraine999Woman
over a year ago

Somewhere

“Judus, you should have asked for 60 pieces of silver!”

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Jesus ain't here, but his dad is.

Well, whenever I walk into a room, someone says "Oh God, not you again". "

https://youtu.be/1hpzRJCZ0oE

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe


"Jesus ain't here, but his dad is.

Well, whenever I walk into a room, someone says "Oh God, not you again".

https://youtu.be/1hpzRJCZ0oE"

That's not a bad tune. Enjoyed it. Thanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"why do you keep portraying me as a white dude?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" And on the third day, there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee. And it came to pass that all the wine was d*unk. And the mother of the bride came to Jesus and said unto the Lord, they have no more wine. And Jesus said unto the servants: "Fill six waterpots with water." And they did so. And when the steward of the feast did taste from the water of the pots, it had become wine. And they knew not whence it had come.

But the servants did know, so they applauded loudly in the kitchen. And they said unto the Lord: "How the hell did you do that?" And inquired of him: "Do you do children's parties" And the Lord said:"No." But the servants did press him, saying; "Go on, give us another one!"

And so he brought forth a carrot, and said: "Behold this, for it is a carrot." And all about him knew that it was so. For it was orange, with a green top. And he did place a large red cloth over the carrot, and then removed it, and lo, he held in his hand a white rabbit. And all were amazed, and said: "This guy is really good! He should turn professional."

And they brought him on a stretcher a man who was sick of the palsy. And they cried unto him: "Maestro, this man is sick of the palsy." And the Lord said: "If I had to spend my whole life on a stretcher, I'd be pretty sick of the palsy, too!" And they were filled with joy. And cried out: "Lord, thy one-liners are as good as thy tricks. Thou art indeed an all-round family entertainer."

And there came unto him a woman called Mary, who had seen the Lord and believed, and Jesus said unto her:"Put on a tutu, and lie down in this box." And then took he forth a saw, and cleft her in twain. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. But Jesus said: "Oh ye of little faith!" And he threw open the box and lo, Mary was whole. And the crowd went absolutely bananas. And Jesus and Mary took a big bow. And he said unto her: "From now on you shall be known as Trixy, for that is a good name for an assistant."

And the people said unto him: "We've never seen anything like this. You shouldn't be wasting your time in a one camel town like Cana. You should beplaying in the big arenas in Jerusalem!" And Jesus did harken to their words. And he did go on to Jerusalem, and he did his full act before the scribes, the Palestines and the Romans.

But alas it did not please them in their hearts. In fact, they crucified him.

(From a very old Rowan Atkinson sketch)"

From the Album "a new view". Also starred Angus deacon as "perkins".. Or something equally bland....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll be back

Oh wait that was the terminator

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Go forth and be fabbsters

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


""why do you keep portraying me as a white dude?""

God so true.

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

Now that was a shit and a half. I’ve been holding that in since Passover.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

then Jesus said, why didn't you pass me the ball Aguero you greedy bastard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Blessed are the Greeks for they shall inherit the earth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

International bright young thing

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

And here is some wine to keep the party going

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"then Jesus said, why didn't you pass me the ball Aguero you greedy bastard"
I see what you did there

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"International bright young thing"

Jones!!

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

"Nah, we don't need the wine list, jug of water is fine ta"

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Jesus walks into a pub, puts 3 nails on the bar and says "Can you put me up for the night?"

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