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Reaching out

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Do you reach out to your friends, chew their ears off and dump all your problems on them? Or do you bottle it all up, bury it deep or hide in your head and deal with it yourself?

Do you believe a problem shared is a problem halved?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I do both. I share and I encourage others to share (I like helping), but I don't share everything. There's just too much shit going on in there, and that's my problem.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

Deal with it myself, my way

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By *quirt1810Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Depends on the problem

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By *quirt1810Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

[Removed by poster at 05/07/20 22:06:36]

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By *quirt1810Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

[Removed by poster at 05/07/20 22:06:38]

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By *quirt1810Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

[Removed by poster at 05/07/20 22:06:41]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

99% deal with things my self

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ignore that I was trying to do emojis"

Put bracket round love

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By *irth.Minge.FireMan
over a year ago

Seen in far off places

My problem Sparkles is that we haven't yet arranged a date to meet up!... x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have recently started to talk more and learnt very quickly there isn’t any point! I’ve always been a put it in the box, wrap it up, place it on the shelf walk out the room and close the door.

However I encourage everyone to talk and I’m the one that everyone talks to. It’s my job too

I guess part of it for me is letting people in. It’s not for me...keep it locked away....

My advice however is always talk it through with me and let’s see what we can do!

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By *quirt1810Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

[Removed by poster at 05/07/20 22:07:26]

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By *quirt1810Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Yeh thanks

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My problem Sparkles is that we haven't yet arranged a date to meet up!... x"

Yeah, there was this big world wide pandemic that made that kind of impossible

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By *ersnickety PantsWoman
over a year ago

Club Meets Only

Depends on the problem. Different friends help in different ways. I have 2 very good friends (outside fab) who I can offload anything & everything to

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By *irth.Minge.FireMan
over a year ago

Seen in far off places


"My problem Sparkles is that we haven't yet arranged a date to meet up!... x

Yeah, there was this big world wide pandemic that made that kind of impossible "

Bloody Covid!! x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im a bottler. Makes for fun when everything gets all fizzed up and the top pops off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Both

Hate dumping on people but sometimes it just spews forth uncontrollably

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Im a bottler. Makes for fun when everything gets all fizzed up and the top pops off "

I've done that. It's why I don't anymore. My temper isn't fun even not under that kind of pressure

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I'm a talker and definitely like to talk problems through with people I know and trust enough to do so, it helps me get them straight in my head - I sometimes type myself a message for the same reasons too.

I'm not however someone that will unburden to just anyone - learned that one the hard way, and have had the unfortunate experience of some who seem to take the "yeah but I've had this" route where you end up hearing more about their problems than you do resolving your own, so I'm pretty selective.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Im a bottler. Makes for fun when everything gets all fizzed up and the top pops off "

Yeah I can be too, it's great fun when it makes a big old mess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Deal with it my self

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bottle up, but don’t actually deal with it. So everything festers and gets worse, then I struggle to begin explaining to my close mates what’s going on as I don’t know myself

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I'm a bottler. And a hider.

Occasionally I'll get to the spill my guts stage but then it's usually over anyone who happens to be standing in the way (sorry, you know who you are). It takes someone pretty special for me to be able to say I need help before I do. Luckily there are a couple of people who know me well enough to drag things out of me kicking and screaming.

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By *llaboutthewifeCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

I do open up, I do offer support if I can

Lockdown has been an odd time

Friends have shut down almost as self preservation

It bothers me, but I can also understand it

I've actually been quite lonely as usual friends have been less chatty, but I can't blame them

Jo x

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I withdraw and bottle up. I've gotten better lately at reaching out and my friends reach out to me if I go quiet on them. I'm quite happy to listen to others' problems and give advice. Really bad at accepting help and following any advice x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm a bottler. And a hider.

Occasionally I'll get to the spill my guts stage but then it's usually over anyone who happens to be standing in the way (sorry, you know who you are). It takes someone pretty special for me to be able to say I need help before I do. Luckily there are a couple of people who know me well enough to drag things out of me kicking and screaming. "

They are the best kind of people to have around. I'm lucky enough to have a couple of them too.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"I'm a bottler. And a hider.

Occasionally I'll get to the spill my guts stage but then it's usually over anyone who happens to be standing in the way (sorry, you know who you are). It takes someone pretty special for me to be able to say I need help before I do. Luckily there are a couple of people who know me well enough to drag things out of me kicking and screaming.

They are the best kind of people to have around. I'm lucky enough to have a couple of them too. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I go quieter, and deal with it myself, mostly.

Others lives are not a place to dump my problems....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I withdraw and bottle up. I've gotten better lately at reaching out and my friends reach out to me if I go quiet on them. I'm quite happy to listen to others' problems and give advice. Really bad at accepting help and following any advice x"

Exactly that, happily listen to my mates and give my opinions or advice, but struggle to take what they say on board

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury


"Do you reach out to your friends, chew their ears off and dump all your problems on them? Or do you bottle it all up, bury it deep or hide in your head and deal with it yourself?

Do you believe a problem shared is a problem halved? "

No. Im only bi-sexual.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im a bottler. Makes for fun when everything gets all fizzed up and the top pops off

I've done that. It's why I don't anymore. My temper isn't fun even not under that kind of pressure "

Ive learnt this last year or so its better not to do it,and its not a failure to reach out and ask for help x

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By *ersnickety PantsWoman
over a year ago

Club Meets Only


"I withdraw and bottle up. I've gotten better lately at reaching out and my friends reach out to me if I go quiet on them. I'm quite happy to listen to others' problems and give advice. Really bad at accepting help and following any advice x"

Accepting & asking for help is probably the hardest sometimes xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im a bottler. Makes for fun when everything gets all fizzed up and the top pops off

Yeah I can be too, it's great fun when it makes a big old mess."

So many tissues needed to clean it all up

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I’ve learned to get things off my chest. I’ve only learned this in the last few years.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Im a bottler. Makes for fun when everything gets all fizzed up and the top pops off

Yeah I can be too, it's great fun when it makes a big old mess.

So many tissues needed to clean it all up "

If only tissues were big enough, sometimes a bath towel would be better

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By *aughty treatsMan
over a year ago

tamworth

Guys need to learn to chat. Too many don't. Sometimes speaking to a complete stranger can actually help so

If anyone on here ever wants advice from a stranger Scotsman I'm here! Stay strong x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im a bottler. Makes for fun when everything gets all fizzed up and the top pops off

Yeah I can be too, it's great fun when it makes a big old mess.

So many tissues needed to clean it all up

If only tissues were big enough, sometimes a bath towel would be better "

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By *aughty treatsMan
over a year ago

tamworth


"Guys need to learn to chat. Too many don't. Sometimes speaking to a complete stranger can actually help so

If anyone on here ever wants advice from a stranger Scotsman I'm here! Stay strong x"

That offer is open to all lol I was meaning guys aren't quite as good but any girls want a chat I'm here #itsnotallaboutthesex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont have anyone to unload to! I hold on and deal with it myself if I can.

I'm always the one that people come to though

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Guys need to learn to chat. Too many don't. Sometimes speaking to a complete stranger can actually help so

If anyone on here ever wants advice from a stranger Scotsman I'm here! Stay strong x

That offer is open to all lol I was meaning guys aren't quite as good but any girls want a chat I'm here #itsnotallaboutthesex "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Touching me, touching you.....

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By *aughty treatsMan
over a year ago

tamworth


"Guys need to learn to chat. Too many don't. Sometimes speaking to a complete stranger can actually help so

If anyone on here ever wants advice from a stranger Scotsman I'm here! Stay strong x

That offer is open to all lol I was meaning guys aren't quite as good but any girls want a chat I'm here #itsnotallaboutthesex

"

Drop

Me a line if you wanna chat x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh I bury my pain and trauma, like a squirrel hiding it's nuts for Christmas. I tried to reach out when everyone was like "it's ok to talk" I scared a few people . Since then I keep it all to myself, how I'm feeling, my thoughts.

Best part is nobody has any really idea, I'm always the funniest most outgoing person in a room, I like to make others laugh, and I'll chat away.

Nobody has any real idea. But I like it that way. The outside world is just a show I put on, I've played it for so long now it's like second nature

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Oh I bury my pain and trauma, like a squirrel hiding it's nuts for Christmas. I tried to reach out when everyone was like "it's ok to talk" I scared a few people . Since then I keep it all to myself, how I'm feeling, my thoughts.

Best part is nobody has any really idea, I'm always the funniest most outgoing person in a room, I like to make others laugh, and I'll chat away.

Nobody has any real idea. But I like it that way. The outside world is just a show I put on, I've played it for so long now it's like second nature "

I swear you've just seen the inside of my head to write this xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh I bury my pain and trauma, like a squirrel hiding it's nuts for Christmas. I tried to reach out when everyone was like "it's ok to talk" I scared a few people . Since then I keep it all to myself, how I'm feeling, my thoughts.

Best part is nobody has any really idea, I'm always the funniest most outgoing person in a room, I like to make others laugh, and I'll chat away.

Nobody has any real idea. But I like it that way. The outside world is just a show I put on, I've played it for so long now it's like second nature

I swear you've just seen the inside of my head to write this xx"

It's just easier isn't it, people ask less questions, people treat you like a normal person. Employers are also far better when you just pretend everything is perfect. It really does just make life easier for all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You know your problem

You keep it all in

I keep it in my head and hold it back. Grumpy and moody me. Doesn't always work out and sometimes erupts like a volcano. Still haven't learnt.

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By *B69Woman
over a year ago

Wiltshire

I never tell anyone anything, I’m a great listener and always encourage my friends to talk if they need to but I’m very laid back and it’s not often I let things get to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh I bury my pain and trauma, like a squirrel hiding it's nuts for Christmas. I tried to reach out when everyone was like "it's ok to talk" I scared a few people . Since then I keep it all to myself, how I'm feeling, my thoughts.

Best part is nobody has any really idea, I'm always the funniest most outgoing person in a room, I like to make others laugh, and I'll chat away.

Nobody has any real idea. But I like it that way. The outside world is just a show I put on, I've played it for so long now it's like second nature

I swear you've just seen the inside of my head to write this xx

It's just easier isn't it, people ask less questions, people treat you like a normal person. Employers are also far better when you just pretend everything is perfect. It really does just make life easier for all. "

It really is the easiest way well for everything in the outside. Eventually it takes its toll though. But we do what we do and get through.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I bury.

I listen, and encourage others to talk, but am rubbish at taking my own advice

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

I deal with mine and most of my friends too I tend to be the listener / fixer for everyone else

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im a bottler. Makes for fun when everything gets all fizzed up and the top pops off "

I match you and raise you a volcano

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet


"Do you reach out to your friends, chew their ears off and dump all your problems on them? Or do you bottle it all up, bury it deep or hide in your head and deal with it yourself?

Do you believe a problem shared is a problem halved? "

I think dump is the wrong word?

I've got good, trusted friends I can talk to about stuff and I've also always got an open ear for their issues too.

I don't see it as dumping. I don't expect them to solve my problems for me, but sometimes it's good to get another perspective.

I think venting is healthier than bottling stuff up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Many years ago I suffered with extreme guilt after losing my younger brother, who committed suicide. I tried to deal with it in my own and eventually I had a breakdown which resulted in me having my own bout of depression and thoughts of suicide. Fortunately for me I have a close family who realised I was ill, and thru my gp, friends and the Samaritans I came out the other side.

Now I realise when I’m feeling off it and I open up to people whom I trust, I have learned I have different friends who have different skills in terms of listening and support, while this all sounds complicated it’s honestly not, it’s about knowing your support network and then knowing you.

There’s no shame in reaching out, whatever your sex, age, creed or colour....... reach out it’s better than the alternative x

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales

On the whole men are shite at talking.... men should learn to talk more.... took me years to realise that

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire


"My problem Sparkles is that we haven't yet arranged a date to meet up!... x

Yeah, there was this big world wide pandemic that made that kind of impossible "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"On the whole men are shite at talking.... men should learn to talk more.... took me years to realise that "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im a bottler. Makes for fun when everything gets all fizzed up and the top pops off

I match you and raise you a volcano "

I just end up for a few nights at the local secure mental health hospital, then I'm released good to go after a MOT

Touch wood I've not been there for well over a year now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes we should all be able to talk and the irony of it is ....it’s my work! I manage mental health projects that are here to help people offload and help them work through that’s going on!

It really is the best and healthiest way to manage things however so many are Governed by past experience of trying to talk and being or feeling rejected...preconception, stigma and the belief that their problems aren’t worth talking about.

It is whatever the issue is the fact it’s there and you’re thinking about it means it’s worth talking. You just have to feel safe in order to be able to do this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to share a fair bit. It got used against me. So I stopped sharing as much as I did and listen more. I’ll dish out my dodgy snake oil if the other person asks to hear it. I believe a problem shared is a problem doubled.

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By *arl17Man
over a year ago

Central Portugal


"Deal with it myself, my way "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I used to share a fair bit. It got used against me. So I stopped sharing as much as I did and listen more. I’ll dish out my dodgy snake oil if the other person asks to hear it. I believe a problem shared is a problem doubled."

This is a massive issue and the reason most of us learn not to talk..generally from a young age.

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By *ark ph0enixWoman
over a year ago

Teesside

Bottle it. If i do tell irs normally progressed pretty far by that point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I used to share a fair bit. It got used against me. So I stopped sharing as much as I did and listen more. I’ll dish out my dodgy snake oil if the other person asks to hear it. I believe a problem shared is a problem doubled.

This is a massive issue and the reason most of us learn not to talk..generally from a young age. "

It is an issue. I am selective who I talk to these days. Fortunately the last time I needed emotional support was 18 months ago and a friend was there to listen when I needed it. I’m grateful she was there just to hear me while I cried it out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I dont have anyone to unload to! I hold on and deal with it myself if I can.

I'm always the one that people come to though "

Same , the few times I've opened up to family been told to cop on, people worse off than me, so I've stopped saying anything.

And since covid I have realised how few people care and I was the one keeping in touch.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well absolutely ANYONE. Who wants or needs to chat message me. I get it from both sides.

Always enjoy a chat. It may help it may not but I’m pretty good at listening. No judgement just a listening ear and maybe something helpful!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I dont have anyone to unload to! I hold on and deal with it myself if I can.

I'm always the one that people come to though

Same , the few times I've opened up to family been told to cop on, people worse off than me, so I've stopped saying anything.

And since covid I have realised how few people care and I was the one keeping in touch. "

Genuinely if ever you wanna chat to a random..:

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By *elshkinkyMan
over a year ago

south wales


"I dont have anyone to unload to! I hold on and deal with it myself if I can.

I'm always the one that people come to though

Same , the few times I've opened up to family been told to cop on, people worse off than me, so I've stopped saying anything.

And since covid I have realised how few people care and I was the one keeping in touch.

Genuinely if ever you wanna chat to a random..: "

This .... anytime

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

A bit of everything.. I blessed to have close friends to talk to. I'm a good listener. When we open up and share deeply and authentically, our problems and humanness becomes medicine to the listener too.

I do internalise the big stuff.. Deal with my stuff pretty well myself.

But often I do get the opportunity to 'circle' with people. A different way of sharing what is present.

Never think you are a burden.. Your insight, experiences, stories and pains sometimes need to be spoken.. And can even be a gift. Choose your listeners wisely though. Simply being heard can be enough.. Unless you're asking for advice or opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I dont have anyone to unload to! I hold on and deal with it myself if I can.

I'm always the one that people come to though

Same , the few times I've opened up to family been told to cop on, people worse off than me, so I've stopped saying anything.

And since covid I have realised how few people care and I was the one keeping in touch.

Genuinely if ever you wanna chat to a random..:

This .... anytime "

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By *ensual-dominant-passionMan
over a year ago

sheffield

I keep everything inside... as most people these days are not listening but just gathering information for gossip... Everyone is different no doubt we all deal with our situation the way we feel.. no way is right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I dont have anyone to unload to! I hold on and deal with it myself if I can.

I'm always the one that people come to though

Same , the few times I've opened up to family been told to cop on, people worse off than me, so I've stopped saying anything.

And since covid I have realised how few people care and I was the one keeping in touch.

Genuinely if ever you wanna chat to a random..: "
thank you xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually keep it all in my head because I don't like to open up to anyone about personal things. Which is probably the worst thing to do.

I don't think a problem shared is a problem halfed but it can help a lot.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you reach out to your friends, chew their ears off and dump all your problems on them? Or do you bottle it all up, bury it deep or hide in your head and deal with it yourself?

Do you believe a problem shared is a problem halved? "

I believe a problem shared is a problem halved. But it has to be a two way street.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have friends like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have all the time in the world for everyone else's problems and would move earth to make someone smile

As for me...I'm always ok, no choice but to be anything else

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I share, but not fully so that I'm still bottling up, and then I burst and made stupid decisions and then spend ages apologising. Its never good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have all the time in the world for everyone else's problems and would move earth to make someone smile

As for me...I'm always ok, no choice but to be anything else "

Well if ever you want or need to vent...I get it and can listen.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A bit of everything.. I blessed to have close friends to talk to. I'm a good listener. When we open up and share deeply and authentically, our problems and humanness becomes medicine to the listener too.

I do internalise the big stuff.. Deal with my stuff pretty well myself.

But often I do get the opportunity to 'circle' with people. A different way of sharing what is present.

Never think you are a burden.. Your insight, experiences, stories and pains sometimes need to be spoken.. And can even be a gift. Choose your listeners wisely though. Simply being heard can be enough.. Unless you're asking for advice or opinion. "

Enjoyed reading this thread.

Pretty similar to what Freya said. I am usually the one people reach out to because they know I help with no strings attached. A problem shared is definitely a problem halved.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have all the time in the world for everyone else's problems and would move earth to make someone smile

As for me...I'm always ok, no choice but to be anything else "

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By *rivateparts!Man
over a year ago

Walking down the only road I've ever known!

I don't often open up to anyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have a horrible habit of keeping everything private. By doing that when something is troubling me I often push myself over the edge with stress and bottled up emotions.

I dont want to be one of those friends that comes across as constantly having drama. So I say nothing, then Boom... twice the amount of fuss at the finishing line

Claire

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have all the time in the world for everyone else's problems and would move earth to make someone smile

As for me...I'm always ok, no choice but to be anything else

Well if ever you want or need to vent...I get it and can listen.x "

Thank you lovely, likewise. Message anytime xx

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

I'm a talker or at times a writer on here about issues I'm having. As this thread alone has proved there are many bottlers and the way I see it if me sharing my shit can make one bottler-upper feel less alone then me speaking up does some good.

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By *inkysexpotMan
over a year ago

leeds

Bottle it up and try deal with it on my own.

No one wants to hear about my problems and they are usually caused by bad judgement anyway.

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

I very rarely burden anyone with my worries or problems, for the most part keeping things to myself and dealing with them on my own.

I am, however, a very good listener and often have friends confiding in me their woes. I can see things from multiple perspectives and give sensible, non biased advice everyone seems to appreciate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not anymore, no one really cares anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a good listener and I'm always supportive to my friends and family.

I deal with my issues on my own

Wish I could open up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not anymore, no one really cares anyway "

*Ahem*

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I very rarely burden anyone with my worries or problems, for the most part keeping things to myself and dealing with them on my own.

I am, however, a very good listener and often have friends confiding in me their woes. I can see things from multiple perspectives and give sensible, non biased advice everyone seems to appreciate."

I used to and sometimes do still think of it as a burden when it comes to myself, but think about it, do you consider your friends problems burdens? I highly doubt it, so why do you think of yours that way? I'd like to think you listen because you care, so to think your friends will feel differently about YOUR issues is actually a bit insulting to your friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm a good listener and I'm always supportive to my friends and family.

I deal with my issues on my own

Wish I could open up "

It is hard isn't it....But sending you lots of love, and if you did feel like a natter, even if it is just to talk about general life then my inbox is open xx

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I very rarely burden anyone with my worries or problems, for the most part keeping things to myself and dealing with them on my own.

I am, however, a very good listener and often have friends confiding in me their woes. I can see things from multiple perspectives and give sensible, non biased advice everyone seems to appreciate.

I used to and sometimes do still think of it as a burden when it comes to myself, but think about it, do you consider your friends problems burdens? I highly doubt it, so why do you think of yours that way? I'd like to think you listen because you care, so to think your friends will feel differently about YOUR issues is actually a bit insulting to your friends.

"

Words of wisdom right there

That said, I do understand that people are different, some aren't comfortable or don't want to share their problems, or find that boxing them off and locking them away is what works for them - and I guess the key is recognising and respecting that when it's the case.

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

I solve my very few problems in a matter of minutes. It's usually me people lean on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm a good listener and I'm always supportive to my friends and family.

I deal with my issues on my own

Wish I could open up

It is hard isn't it....But sending you lots of love, and if you did feel like a natter, even if it is just to talk about general life then my inbox is open xx"

That is kind of you and thanks.

Same to you and anyone else.

Xx

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

I try to be there for friends, but you can't force someone to open up.

Im a good listener.

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest


"I very rarely burden anyone with my worries or problems, for the most part keeping things to myself and dealing with them on my own.

I am, however, a very good listener and often have friends confiding in me their woes. I can see things from multiple perspectives and give sensible, non biased advice everyone seems to appreciate.

I used to and sometimes do still think of it as a burden when it comes to myself, but think about it, do you consider your friends problems burdens? I highly doubt it, so why do you think of yours that way? I'd like to think you listen because you care, so to think your friends will feel differently about YOUR issues is actually a bit insulting to your friends.

"

That's interesting actually. I don't consider their problems a burden and rarely do they adversely affect me. Obviously I listen because I do care. I fortunately don't have many serious problems or life issues but some of them do. With so much on their plate I suppose I don't want to add to it in any way. It's not about assuming my issues would be any more important that they'd "burden" someone.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek


"I very rarely burden anyone with my worries or problems, for the most part keeping things to myself and dealing with them on my own.

I am, however, a very good listener and often have friends confiding in me their woes. I can see things from multiple perspectives and give sensible, non biased advice everyone seems to appreciate.

I used to and sometimes do still think of it as a burden when it comes to myself, but think about it, do you consider your friends problems burdens? I highly doubt it, so why do you think of yours that way? I'd like to think you listen because you care, so to think your friends will feel differently about YOUR issues is actually a bit insulting to your friends.

That's interesting actually. I don't consider their problems a burden and rarely do they adversely affect me. Obviously I listen because I do care. I fortunately don't have many serious problems or life issues but some of them do. With so much on their plate I suppose I don't want to add to it in any way. It's not about assuming my issues would be any more important that they'd "burden" someone. "

I can be quite interesting at times and raise some interesting _iews. The rest of the time I'm just a cunt.

I've had times where I can be wallowing in self pity, can't see the light for the clouds are too dark, and then someone comes to me with a problem, not looking for an answer even, just chatting ya know. My brain then decides it's great at being a listener and sometimes it even comes up with the perfect response. It's objective, empathetic yet damn right honest... and many many times my brain when helping others also helps me. Enough distraction not to be consumed but also in listening mode, it tends to find the answers I need too.

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest


"I very rarely burden anyone with my worries or problems, for the most part keeping things to myself and dealing with them on my own.

I am, however, a very good listener and often have friends confiding in me their woes. I can see things from multiple perspectives and give sensible, non biased advice everyone seems to appreciate.

I used to and sometimes do still think of it as a burden when it comes to myself, but think about it, do you consider your friends problems burdens? I highly doubt it, so why do you think of yours that way? I'd like to think you listen because you care, so to think your friends will feel differently about YOUR issues is actually a bit insulting to your friends.

That's interesting actually. I don't consider their problems a burden and rarely do they adversely affect me. Obviously I listen because I do care. I fortunately don't have many serious problems or life issues but some of them do. With so much on their plate I suppose I don't want to add to it in any way. It's not about assuming my issues would be any more important that they'd "burden" someone.

I can be quite interesting at times and raise some interesting _iews. The rest of the time I'm just a cunt.

I've had times where I can be wallowing in self pity, can't see the light for the clouds are too dark, and then someone comes to me with a problem, not looking for an answer even, just chatting ya know. My brain then decides it's great at being a listener and sometimes it even comes up with the perfect response. It's objective, empathetic yet damn right honest... and many many times my brain when helping others also helps me. Enough distraction not to be consumed but also in listening mode, it tends to find the answers I need too.

"

Again, that's quite interesting

Sounds like a bit of self therapy while simultaneously helping out someone else.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

My family that's it. I don't overly share.

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By *imon_hydeMan
over a year ago

Stockport

I'm rubbish at this, I know what I should do but no I keep it to myself and analyse, over think...

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I very rarely burden anyone with my worries or problems, for the most part keeping things to myself and dealing with them on my own.

I am, however, a very good listener and often have friends confiding in me their woes. I can see things from multiple perspectives and give sensible, non biased advice everyone seems to appreciate.

I used to and sometimes do still think of it as a burden when it comes to myself, but think about it, do you consider your friends problems burdens? I highly doubt it, so why do you think of yours that way? I'd like to think you listen because you care, so to think your friends will feel differently about YOUR issues is actually a bit insulting to your friends.

That's interesting actually. I don't consider their problems a burden and rarely do they adversely affect me. Obviously I listen because I do care. I fortunately don't have many serious problems or life issues but some of them do. With so much on their plate I suppose I don't want to add to it in any way. It's not about assuming my issues would be any more important that they'd "burden" someone.

I can be quite interesting at times and raise some interesting _iews. The rest of the time I'm just a cunt.

I've had times where I can be wallowing in self pity, can't see the light for the clouds are too dark, and then someone comes to me with a problem, not looking for an answer even, just chatting ya know. My brain then decides it's great at being a listener and sometimes it even comes up with the perfect response. It's objective, empathetic yet damn right honest... and many many times my brain when helping others also helps me. Enough distraction not to be consumed but also in listening mode, it tends to find the answers I need too.

Again, that's quite interesting

Sounds like a bit of self therapy while simultaneously helping out someone else."

She's a therapist that comes highly recommended too

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I'm a talker or at times a writer on here about issues I'm having. As this thread alone has proved there are many bottlers and the way I see it if me sharing my shit can make one bottler-upper feel less alone then me speaking up does some good."

There can often be multiple purposes in it, can't there? I know I talk about some of my issues, both publicly and privately, so other people see that they're not alone. (and for other reasons, of course) It's ok to talk. It's ok to struggle. It's normal. Together we can get through these things

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm a talker or at times a writer on here about issues I'm having. As this thread alone has proved there are many bottlers and the way I see it if me sharing my shit can make one bottler-upper feel less alone then me speaking up does some good.

There can often be multiple purposes in it, can't there? I know I talk about some of my issues, both publicly and privately, so other people see that they're not alone. (and for other reasons, of course) It's ok to talk. It's ok to struggle. It's normal. Together we can get through these things "

Agree with all of this ladies. It is good to talk and it's great to listen. I'm also shit at taking my own advice I'll help everyone else with their problems or be an ear when they need one, I'm not so good at sharing myself.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I'm a talker or at times a writer on here about issues I'm having. As this thread alone has proved there are many bottlers and the way I see it if me sharing my shit can make one bottler-upper feel less alone then me speaking up does some good.

There can often be multiple purposes in it, can't there? I know I talk about some of my issues, both publicly and privately, so other people see that they're not alone. (and for other reasons, of course) It's ok to talk. It's ok to struggle. It's normal. Together we can get through these things

Agree with all of this ladies. It is good to talk and it's great to listen. I'm also shit at taking my own advice I'll help everyone else with their problems or be an ear when they need one, I'm not so good at sharing myself. "

Oh I've got the self help Bible. I've written the damn thing for myself after years of issues I've overcome. I'm so shit at taking it myself.

I do eventually, but God, I get how hard it is.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?


"I'm a talker and definitely like to talk problems through with people I know and trust enough to do so, it helps me get them straight in my head - I sometimes type myself a message for the same reasons too.

I'm not however someone that will unburden to just anyone - learned that one the hard way, and have had the unfortunate experience of some who seem to take the "yeah but I've had this" route where you end up hearing more about their problems than you do resolving your own, so I'm pretty selective."

I thought I was the only one that wrote messages to myself If I'm upset with someone else I often type a message to them, but never actually send it...it helps to put things into perspective by just putting it into words.

I often use the "I don't want to be a burden" line...but I think in reality it's often an excuse to cover my trust issues. I don't trust easily, so that leaves me with limited options as to who I could speak to...even more so if it's something about this part of my life that's bothering me, as not many people know the ins and outs of it

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I'm a talker and definitely like to talk problems through with people I know and trust enough to do so, it helps me get them straight in my head - I sometimes type myself a message for the same reasons too.

I'm not however someone that will unburden to just anyone - learned that one the hard way, and have had the unfortunate experience of some who seem to take the "yeah but I've had this" route where you end up hearing more about their problems than you do resolving your own, so I'm pretty selective.

I thought I was the only one that wrote messages to myself If I'm upset with someone else I often type a message to them, but never actually send it...it helps to put things into perspective by just putting it into words.

I often use the "I don't want to be a burden" line...but I think in reality it's often an excuse to cover my trust issues. I don't trust easily, so that leaves me with limited options as to who I could speak to...even more so if it's something about this part of my life that's bothering me, as not many people know the ins and outs of it "

I find the writing to yourself thing is a great way of getting perspective - I often find I get half way through such a message and realise the stupidity of what I have been fretting over when I put it into coherent words.

Trust is a huge thing when it comes to unburdening too - have had it burn me in the past - but I'm lucky enough to have people who I trust implicitly and know will be discreet and more importantly will tell it exactly how it is and provide the necessary head wobbles when they are called for, and I'm thankful to them for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm a talker and definitely like to talk problems through with people I know and trust enough to do so, it helps me get them straight in my head - I sometimes type myself a message for the same reasons too.

I'm not however someone that will unburden to just anyone - learned that one the hard way, and have had the unfortunate experience of some who seem to take the "yeah but I've had this" route where you end up hearing more about their problems than you do resolving your own, so I'm pretty selective.

I thought I was the only one that wrote messages to myself If I'm upset with someone else I often type a message to them, but never actually send it...it helps to put things into perspective by just putting it into words.

I often use the "I don't want to be a burden" line...but I think in reality it's often an excuse to cover my trust issues. I don't trust easily, so that leaves me with limited options as to who I could speak to...even more so if it's something about this part of my life that's bothering me, as not many people know the ins and outs of it

I find the writing to yourself thing is a great way of getting perspective - I often find I get half way through such a message and realise the stupidity of what I have been fretting over when I put it into coherent words.

Trust is a huge thing when it comes to unburdening too - have had it burn me in the past - but I'm lucky enough to have people who I trust implicitly and know will be discreet and more importantly will tell it exactly how it is and provide the necessary head wobbles when they are called for, and I'm thankful to them for it."

Writing things down is brilliant,Ive done this plenty on paper and either the act of reading it back to type out somewhere or write back up in neat hand is enough to have got the ideas and emotions out there and realise the other person probably doesnt need to read them at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not anymore, no one really cares anyway "

Sad, but generally true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not anymore, no one really cares anyway

Sad, but generally true "

Better off without them.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch


"I'm a talker and definitely like to talk problems through with people I know and trust enough to do so, it helps me get them straight in my head - I sometimes type myself a message for the same reasons too.

I'm not however someone that will unburden to just anyone - learned that one the hard way, and have had the unfortunate experience of some who seem to take the "yeah but I've had this" route where you end up hearing more about their problems than you do resolving your own, so I'm pretty selective.

I thought I was the only one that wrote messages to myself If I'm upset with someone else I often type a message to them, but never actually send it...it helps to put things into perspective by just putting it into words.

I often use the "I don't want to be a burden" line...but I think in reality it's often an excuse to cover my trust issues. I don't trust easily, so that leaves me with limited options as to who I could speak to...even more so if it's something about this part of my life that's bothering me, as not many people know the ins and outs of it "

You are not alone, I do it to. I call them ‘letters that will never be delivered’ great way to get everything out you want to say and deal with frustrations and annoyances

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I'm glad I've been able to help halve some problems today

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