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Conversation with no expectations

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Sometimes I get messages with genuinely interesting content that I would like to talk about further, however when I reply to these it tends to make the men that sent said messages believe I have a sexual interest in them, when I don't.

How do you have a conversation here (off the forums) without leading the other person on? I know it sounds like a really dumb question and makes it seem like I have a massive ego (I promise you I don't) but obviously with this kind of platform a lot of people take any reply at all to mean there is interest, when sometimes I am just interested in talking about something they mention about themselves or something they noticed from my profile/status that they have questions about.

I know the simple answer is to ignore/block but, especially at a time like this, I feel like sometimes it's just nice to have a conversation. Just awkward when you have to try and find a way to tell them after a bit of back and forth that you don't actually fancy them.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

I tell them. Put it as simply as you’ve said here, how you’re really up for talking to them as what they’ve said interests you however you’d like to chat with no strings as you don’t think you’re attracted to them in a sexual way. They may not want to have the conversation which is their prerogative, but at least you’ve been clear and many will be happy to chat further for companionship sake. Win win.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sometimes I get messages with genuinely interesting content that I would like to talk about further, however when I reply to these it tends to make the men that sent said messages believe I have a sexual interest in them, when I don't.

How do you have a conversation here (off the forums) without leading the other person on? I know it sounds like a really dumb question and makes it seem like I have a massive ego (I promise you I don't) but obviously with this kind of platform a lot of people take any reply at all to mean there is interest, when sometimes I am just interested in talking about something they mention about themselves or something they noticed from my profile/status that they have questions about.

I know the simple answer is to ignore/block but, especially at a time like this, I feel like sometimes it's just nice to have a conversation. Just awkward when you have to try and find a way to tell them after a bit of back and forth that you don't actually fancy them. "

I know exactly what you mean.

I've had to stop talking to people because of it x

Swipe on swipe off with filters

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You can't because in the majority of cases even if they say they just want a platonic conversation, they don't.

There are exceptions of course but as you said yourself, given the type of site most people of whatever gender are going to be looking ultimately at sex type hook ups.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I tell them. Put it as simply as you’ve said here, how you’re really up for talking to them as what they’ve said interests you however you’d like to chat with no strings as you don’t think you’re attracted to them in a sexual way. They may not want to have the conversation which is their prerogative, but at least you’ve been clear and many will be happy to chat further for companionship sake. Win win.

"

That's totally fair enough. I think I'm just afraid of the awkwardness that comes with saying "I don't fancy you but I'll chat with you" right off the bat. Also having experienced abuse before when my reply has not been what's expected has made me scared to be totally honest. You never know what's gonna make someone switch.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would happily just have a conversation ( chance would be a fine thing), I'm miles away and on a different Island so zero expectations!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You can't because in the majority of cases even if they say they just want a platonic conversation, they don't.

There are exceptions of course but as you said yourself, given the type of site most people of whatever gender are going to be looking ultimately at sex type hook ups. "

Yeah I've definitely had this. It's like they think what you're really saying is "I don't fancy you right now, but if we keep talking I'm eventually gonna want to fuck you". It's a shame.

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By *reaming of pleasingMan
over a year ago

somewhere only we know

If they’re genuinely interested in chatting, I’d say you can be blunt and say what you expect. Chatting is fine but no more than that.

If not they were obviously only using as a way to get more from you!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I tell them. Put it as simply as you’ve said here, how you’re really up for talking to them as what they’ve said interests you however you’d like to chat with no strings as you don’t think you’re attracted to them in a sexual way. They may not want to have the conversation which is their prerogative, but at least you’ve been clear and many will be happy to chat further for companionship sake. Win win.

That's totally fair enough. I think I'm just afraid of the awkwardness that comes with saying "I don't fancy you but I'll chat with you" right off the bat. Also having experienced abuse before when my reply has not been what's expected has made me scared to be totally honest. You never know what's gonna make someone switch. "

Not being straight from the start makes it worse. If you genuinely only want to chat say that in a first message. You don't need to say you don't find them attractive just that you won't be looking to meet but would be interested to talk about x subject. It's not making it clear from message one that makes people feel they've been led on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I learned this lesson a while ago and now pretty much all of my conversations are platonic.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch


"I tell them. Put it as simply as you’ve said here, how you’re really up for talking to them as what they’ve said interests you however you’d like to chat with no strings as you don’t think you’re attracted to them in a sexual way. They may not want to have the conversation which is their prerogative, but at least you’ve been clear and many will be happy to chat further for companionship sake. Win win.

"

This.... always be upfront

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I chat to a couple of people in here just for the conversation. Nothing implied and nothing expected.

Some of us can do mature adults stuff

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Be honest. If they don't like it then you know they aren't for you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow. I was think of this just this morning. My profile has had things like no meets, only chat status updates and the likes but it makes no difference.

Example: guy sends me a message as updated my status as had tonsillitis, saying use honey and hot water. I reply thank you. My profile also says not meeting btw. Next message, want me to come round and give you a massage, I'm only 5 miles away and can be there in 20 mins. I reply no thanks as I'm just chatting to people. Few polite messages and then boom, again, can he pop round as I'm gorgeous and he'd love to 'make me better'.

That sort of message trail I get pretty much every day. So much so my filters, status and profile are all changed now so no one new can contact me.

Only interaction I am now reserved to is forums or rooms (and I avoid the rooms as they are not much better than messages as guys are just baying after the woman on cam wearing the least)

Ho hum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I chat to a couple of people in here just for the conversation. Nothing implied and nothing expected.

Some of us can do mature adults stuff "

Yes. Yes we can xxx

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"You can't because in the majority of cases even if they say they just want a platonic conversation, they don't.

There are exceptions of course but as you said yourself, given the type of site most people of whatever gender are going to be looking ultimately at sex type hook ups. "

Sadly, this.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"I tell them. Put it as simply as you’ve said here, how you’re really up for talking to them as what they’ve said interests you however you’d like to chat with no strings as you don’t think you’re attracted to them in a sexual way. They may not want to have the conversation which is their prerogative, but at least you’ve been clear and many will be happy to chat further for companionship sake. Win win.

"

I'd agree with this being the best way to do it first of all.

I do always take conversations off the back of a fora post as them not being interested in my quim, just wanting a chat about what I've rambled about. I message people off the back of threads and being completely honest, if someone turned around and said I'm not sexually attracted to you, I'd probably be rather confused and also thinking their ego is huge but that's because my intention *is* to just chat and I don't have a sexual interest in them.

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By *ickDastardlyMan
over a year ago

North East


"I chat to a couple of people in here just for the conversation. Nothing implied and nothing expected.

Some of us can do mature adults stuff "

This!

I do too, but sometimes I (or they) have made it clear that its platonic and thats fine.

I don't mind it be made clear to me.

I'm happy to chat to everyone, providing the conversation is... not just small talk.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I chat to a couple of people in here just for the conversation. Nothing implied and nothing expected.

Some of us can do mature adults stuff

This!

I do too, but sometimes I (or they) have made it clear that its platonic and thats fine.

I don't mind it be made clear to me.

I'm happy to chat to everyone, providing the conversation is... not just small talk. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love a chat about anything and not just sex. I guess women always assume I'm trying it on though.

Because I get a cold reply if any at all.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I sent a message last week on the back of a post where someone appeared to be in a dark place.

The second message he sent me was a reference to my body. I deflected, told him this wasn't about that and if he wanted to talk about what was upsetting him I'd do that.

His third message was graphic and certainly not what I was planning to discuss with him.

So yeah, I'll have a no strings conversation and do a lot. But I won't be opening myself up to that again for a while.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/07/20 17:06:46]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I sent a message last week on the back of a post where someone appeared to be in a dark place.

The second message he sent me was a reference to my body. I deflected, told him this wasn't about that and if he wanted to talk about what was upsetting him I'd do that.

His third message was graphic and certainly not what I was planning to discuss with him.

So yeah, I'll have a no strings conversation and do a lot. But I won't be opening myself up to that again for a while. "

So so sad that this was the outcome for being a female just trying to help. Xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I sent a message last week on the back of a post where someone appeared to be in a dark place.

The second message he sent me was a reference to my body. I deflected, told him this wasn't about that and if he wanted to talk about what was upsetting him I'd do that.

His third message was graphic and certainly not what I was planning to discuss with him.

So yeah, I'll have a no strings conversation and do a lot. But I won't be opening myself up to that again for a while. "

I did exactly the same in reaching out to someone that seemingly needed it but I never got a reply Ah well, I'm still happy I tried.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I sent a message last week on the back of a post where someone appeared to be in a dark place.

The second message he sent me was a reference to my body. I deflected, told him this wasn't about that and if he wanted to talk about what was upsetting him I'd do that.

His third message was graphic and certainly not what I was planning to discuss with him.

So yeah, I'll have a no strings conversation and do a lot. But I won't be opening myself up to that again for a while.

So so sad that this was the outcome for being a female just trying to help. Xxx"

It's awful when this happens, and it's a kick in the teeth when you're just trying to do the right thing.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Exactly. It's not going to stop me in future but it'll be a while before I do it again. And I'll be more wary. But also more prepared I suppose

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

Sometimes and also it’s just nice to chat with no expectations

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have great expectations

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"I have great expectations "

Pip pip

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Exactly. It's not going to stop me in future but it'll be a while before I do it again. And I'll be more wary. But also more prepared I suppose "

I was also messaging someone recently who said they were in a bad place at the moment. I asked if there was anything I could do to help (virtually, because obvs we're still locked down) and he said he appreciated it, but he "wasn't in the mood to play". I don't recall ever offering and not quite sure how he got that from what I said..?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I have great expectations

Pip pip"

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I sometimes get messages like this, seemingly not directed at sex but with a sudden twist at some point. I just steer the chat back to the topic, with or without immediate explanation that I'm not interested. I find it easier if they haven't been the full-on dirty talk to subdue it. Some end straight away, others peter out.

It's possible that it's a strategy that works for some

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