FabSwingers.com forum: Staying together cos of the children.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I watched a program about it and they tried their best to live with eachother and at the same time looking after children, whilst I know it must be difficult to do it, are you going through the same thing and what is your view aboit it? I think it is good cos then the children have their parents together rather then maibe seeing one on a weekend or how they would devide the time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It was interesting and I reckon it seems to be quite common.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did it for 7 years and seriously wish I hadn’t. The kids were a lot happier when we finally parted and so were we. Being in a loveless relationship is far worse and the kids both knew as we had zero intimacy/cuddles/kisses etc and they picked up on the atmosphere

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How can it be good for the children to live inside a toxic environment..

Its better to split up asap and go your separate ways imo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not a good idea. I'm speaking from personal experience.

You think you are doing a good job at the time,think the kids don't notice the negative looks & comments, trust me, they do notice.

A happy adult ultimately makes a happy parent = happy children

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is such a difficult situation and usually there’s a lot more going on than ‘just’ being together for the kids. It also clearly depends on the relationship the mum and dad have.

My personal opinion is that adults forget how much children actually pick up on. Much better to spend time with separated/divorced, happier parents than be in one household with both parents where the atmosphere is tense/aggressive or simply sad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did it for a while, until I couldn’t bear it any longer. I’m much happier, and as a truly so are my kids.

They pick up so much, and being in a negative toxic atmosphere is not good for anyone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Children are far smarter than we give them credit for. For an idea how it actually is to stay with someone you don't love for the sake of the kids, see Mark and Sophie in the Peep Show episode at the kids' play centre.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I grew up watching my parents stay together for me and my brother. It was miserable. My dad made my mum very unhappy and growing up, I felt responsible for her unhappiness.

Children pick up on more things than many give them credit for. Having parents that are separated isn’t the end of the world. Although me and my ex did not have an amicable separation, we have put that aside for the sake of our children and co-parent very well and what they see is two parents, happy but not together. Rather than two parents living together but unhappy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I watched a program about it and they tried their best to live with eachother and at the same time looking after children, whilst I know it must be difficult to do it, are you going through the same thing and what is your view aboit it? I think it is good cos then the children have their parents together rather then maibe seeing one on a weekend or how they would devide the time."

We do not think it is fair on the children.

We have seen this before, and when the children find out they struggle to live with the guilt.

Children should never be the glue that holds a couple together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did it for 7 years. I was ready to leave when I fell pregnant

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By *hat BlokeMan
over a year ago

Harrogate

My ex-wife and I were trying to stay together for the children, but I felt so desperately unhappy and unloved that I did what everyone else seems to do in that situation and sought a little tenderness elsewhere. This was too much for her to cope with and ultimately ended our marriage. We now co parent our little ones and things seem all the happier for it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How can it be good for the children to live inside a toxic environment..

Its better to split up asap and go your separate ways imo"
It is not, maybe they would disguise it somehow so it all seems ok with them.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

I was in an abusive relationship and stayed for the children. In the end I was so demoralised and depressed I would not have been able to be a proper father if I had stayed. My health and work were suffering.

I hope one day my children will understand.

My OH now (Hannah) says it's good that the children grow up knowing that if they end up in a toxic relationship that leaving is an option.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

The loneliest and most unhappy that I have ever felt in my life was in a relationship that wasn't working.

3 kids, no money and feeling stuck!

Best thing for me and the kids was when I finally regained my independence.

Staying in a relationship for the sake of the kids wouldn't work for me. athe Kids are adaptable especially if both parents but the shit behind them and work together.

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By *toC Thats MeWoman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Also did this, tried and tried to the point that I then actually ended up leaving with the kids. It’s not a good situation to be in. I was miserable and the kids could tell that. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How can it be good for the children to live inside a toxic environment..

Its better to split up asap and go your separate ways imoIt is not, maybe they would disguise it somehow so it all seems ok with them."

Impossible imo. Children are not oblivious to all around them.

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

After living with my husband for a year and a half after I found out he was having a long affair, I can tell you now....its not a good thing staying for the sake of the kids. It never is.

Our 2 kida have picked up on stuff I never even thought they had seen or heard. They have learnt total disrespect for me off their dad and it has taken me a LONG time to try and rectify that to any degree.

I finally decided to move myself and our 2 kids out last Nov..it was toxic for all of us. My husband didnt know I was moving out, due to his abuse of me..I couldnt even tell the kids.

Staying together for the kids is a bad idea. It will affect them without you even realising it.

MsD

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

I stayed despite being unhappy for the sake of the children. My daughter recently told me she wished i had left when they were young as her childhood would have been happier

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

It's a very difficult one...

My folks rowed..always an atmosphere in the house..never sensed it when at friends..

Ironic my folks saw it through friends parents divorced.

Things changed dramatically after old man took reduncy.

In their final years was quite touching witnessing them show affection to each other though you did occasionally think wished they'd shown affection like that when we were kids.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I stayed with my ex 4 years too long after my first child was born. Its not a good idea if you are constantly at each others throats. My child still remembers us arguing and he was 4. If both parents get on its definitely a good idea but sadly not my case x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been separated from my boys mum 2 years after a 12 year relationship we tried to stay together for my son but everyone is a lot happier now we're apart was a struggle to start with tho

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Better for adults to be living in the world as they want to be, forming the relationships that they are happy within, than enforced isolation within a loveless home relationship that's dead. It's healthy for children to see parents who are satisfied with life, rather than in lockdown as a guess to what they should be doing because of duty or convenience.

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By *elshsunsWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire

Nope I could never have done this .... he was an alcoholic and a violent person ... my children would have been traumatized if I stayed ... best thing I ever did leaving . Children are in their 30s now and understand why I did it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're not happy in yourself, you cant make your kids truly happy.

It's a difficult situation, but it doesn't benefit anyone by staying somewhere they dont wanna be.

When you conjure the courage to leave and believe in your own happiness, that's when the magic starts to happen.

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

No world or situation or relationship is ever totally ideal.

When relationships are formed it's about give and take and being aware some sacrifices have to be given.

But there is only so much an individual can sacrifice in the end..its also about that persons sanity.

When there are children involved there are responsibilities though that does mean staying together for the sake of it..

You dont only have a responsibility to your kids but also your self.

This will sound harsh ..but we are only here once...

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I haven't any kids but I grew up with parents who barely spoke to each other and rarely showed affection. They still barely speak now but are still together for various reasons.

I don't think it's ever as cut and dried as outsiders sometimes think and ultimately every parent can only do their best for their children. Hoping they don't lose themselves along the way

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

You only have to look on here to see how many people who are evidently in relationships but live separate secret lives.

Unless you are privy to their relationship they have reasons for staying.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

A couple of years back I had a long conversation with my dad under some very unhappy circumstances. He said he'd stayed with my mum because "how could you see the children brought up by another man". As kids we knew they had periods of intense unhappiness, there was and is a lot wrong with their marriage in part due to my mother's mental ill health. However I can't say that my siblings or I would have been better off if they'd parted. My father wouldn't have been capable of looking after us and who knows who this mystery other man was. As they stayed together and eventually reached some sort of peace I can't say how things would have turned out if they'd split. Now after 65 years together almost all the fights gone out of them.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I stayed for as long as I could. What I now know is the older the kids are the more likely they are to take sides (usually with the person they remain with).

I seen children in their 20s and 30s giving one half of their parents a bad time. Usually the older they are when the parents split the worse they are.

If you know you are leaving one day. Don’t put it off. My biggest mistake I ever made in my whole life. I stayed six years too long in a bad marriage.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I'm often reminded of the Larkin poem,This Be The Verse.

It starts

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

The kids will pick up and learn awful things if the parents are not civil to one another. No matter how subtle you think your arguements etc are... the kids know.

I worry so much about how the breakdown of my marriage has affected our 2 kids. They have witnessed horrible things from their dad. I fear they are scarred and refuse any therapy.

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

Dont forget being a parent is about being a role model.

How many kids growing up in a sterile atmosphere will think that's the norm for when they enter adulthood and form their own relationships..

Fortunately many do recall their unhappiness and will say they're not going down that road for my kids..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d rather two parents happy and separate, than two parents together and miserable. I don’t even see how it would be a good idea to live in a toxic household.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Being a parent is a bloody minefield of mistakes. Nobody ever got it 100% right. Eventually children become adults who can look back on their childhood and make their own decisions about how to deal with the way their parents were.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

My parents stayed together because of us kids. As a child I didn't know any different and presumed what they lived was normal. There was no love or warmth between them, just 2 people living in a house together. And I'm sure they did their best to hide it, until the final year I rarely saw them argue. But they gave the wrong impression of what a relationship and family should look like.

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By *ewsub4dommeMan
over a year ago

thirsk

I chose to break up, we clearly weren't happy together and it wouldn't have been fair on our daughter to have to put up with that environment

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I’d rather two parents happy and separate, than two parents together and miserable. I don’t even see how it would be a good idea to live in a toxic household. "

The toxicity isn't always neutralised by one parent leaving. During her "episodes" my mother could create a very toxic environment that wasn't at all good for children. She did that with no help from my father.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"My parents stayed together because of us kids. As a child I didn't know any different and presumed what they lived was normal. There was no love or warmth between them, just 2 people living in a house together. And I'm sure they did their best to hide it, until the final year I rarely saw them argue. But they gave the wrong impression of what a relationship and family should look like.

What "should" it look like? I'm genuinely interested in that and how many families actually achieve the ideal.

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

What do they say about love and hate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it's healthy for anyone involved. I haven't and wouldnt do it.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"How can it be good for the children to live inside a toxic environment..

Its better to split up asap and go your separate ways imo"

Yep,it's a damn sight more healthy for children to see two happy separate parents rather than two who they can clearly see are unhappy together.

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By *inky pWoman
over a year ago

leicester

Tried staying together for kids.got to volatile.felt so much better when we split.unfortunately for kids he died 3 months later.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"If you're not happy in yourself, you cant make your kids truly happy.

It's a difficult situation, but it doesn't benefit anyone by staying somewhere they dont wanna be.

When you conjure the courage to leave and believe in your own happiness, that's when the magic starts to happen."

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

What "should" it look like? I'm genuinely interested in that and how many families actually achieve the ideal."

I think there's lots of different ways families can work. And I don't necessarily think having both parents in a household is required. But I think you can walk into most households and feel the vibe of it, if that makes sense? You can tell if there is underlying tensions or people aren't allowed to be themselves Vs those where everyone is comfortable in their own skins.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"A couple of years back I had a long conversation with my dad under some very unhappy circumstances. He said he'd stayed with my mum because "how could you see the children brought up by another man". As kids we knew they had periods of intense unhappiness, there was and is a lot wrong with their marriage in part due to my mother's mental ill health. However I can't say that my siblings or I would have been better off if they'd parted. My father wouldn't have been capable of looking after us and who knows who this mystery other man was. As they stayed together and eventually reached some sort of peace I can't say how things would have turned out if they'd split. Now after 65 years together almost all the fights gone out of them."

I had the same conversation with my dad for the first time when I was 21. His answer was that my mum had threatened to kill herself and my little sister would never forgive him. At the time we had been through 6 of her attempts and it was a real fear of dad's.

That was 20 years ago. As I said, they're still together but dad has become more and more sad and although he's still my amazing father, and I see flashes of him, he too has given up.

Yes. If he had left she might have tried again and succeeded. But instead he stayed, she has done it many more times anyway, destroyed a lot and made his and our lives so much harder. Perhaps things would have been better if he'd left 20 years ago and taken us, perhaps they'd have been worse... no way to know.

But I know it's something he thinks about all the time. And as he said a couple of days ago, ticking along isn't living

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tried both methods.

Split up is ALOT better.

Kids are happy when you are happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I stayed with my husband for years because I thought it was the best for the kids plus financial security. But now a year on since leaving him the kids are so much better off. It's surprising the things that kids see & hear that you don't realize

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wanted my parents to split up. Staying together for the children can be damaging for the children.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm often reminded of the Larkin poem,This Be The Verse.

It starts

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

Yep

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By *uper SaiyanMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Just out of curiosity, how often would you be "fighting" with your OH at the time? (E.g. every day, every other day) Is that actually how often or how often you felt it was?

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By *bi_AstrayTV/TS
over a year ago

Plymouth

I grew up with two friends that knew their parents were staying together until they left school... They knew they were just going through the motions and as far as it goes, as two people living together just for the sake of the children, they couldn't of really done it any better, no arguments no visible bitterness, just two people who drifted out of love. They were teenagers by this point so were a bit meh about it all. They might as well have split up and tried to be happier.

If it's involving any animosity whatsoever, however discrete the kids pick up on it. It's about so much more than two people being civil to each other, no matter how young, children pick up on body language before they can talk and understand any verbal cues.

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By *ark ph0enixWoman
over a year ago

Teesside

I did this for 2yrs. Had been together 16 at that point. We thought we were doing the right thing but ended up splitting anyway.

Several years on and I still get comments from the kids about how much happier we both are now we've gone our own ways

It surprising how much kids pick up on without you realising. Lookimgbbavj I'd have chosen differently

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have any kids but, knowing what my biological dad was like now I'm older, I would've been really upset if my mum had stayed with him for my sake as he was a violent alcoholic. Lucky she left him before I was old enough to remember anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been there done that fuck that the end

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have any children, but I am sure I wouldn't stay with someone for the sake of children. As someone brought up in a loveless and at times abusive marriage, I think more damge can be done.

With that being said, I'm sure there will be positive aspects, but will mostly depend on the persons involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How can it be good for the children to live inside a toxic environment..

Its better to split up asap and go your separate ways imoIt is not, maybe they would disguise it somehow so it all seems ok with them."

May we ask, are you in such a relationship, married with kids?

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

So here's your holidayyyyy,

Hope you, enjoy it this time.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

What "should" it look like? I'm genuinely interested in that and how many families actually achieve the ideal.

I agree about the vibe I also agree that there are a lot of different ways to be in a good and loving family. The thing is I suppose that as kids we tend to think of our own situation as normal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did it for 5 years, when I look back it was a crazy decision as everyone still gets hurt in the end. 5 years of wasted life.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

That was 20 years ago. As I said, they're still together but dad has become more and more sad and although he's still my amazing father, and I see flashes of him, he too has given up.

But I know it's something he thinks about all the time. And as he said a couple of days ago, ticking along isn't living"

That's very sad.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

I have this both ways as a child and a parent.

I didn’t realise as a child as I spent most the time away from the family home. My dad left the week after I finished full time education with the words ‘I don’t need to pay any money for you now’. The first indication I had something was wrong was our last family holiday when he kept disappearing throughout the day. To find out at 17 the majority of your childhood had been a lie, an act put on when I was around was damaging.

As a parent I did this for about 5 years and what happened to me always sprung to mind. My lad never heard or saw us row as basically, although in the same house we didn’t communicate and both became adapt at living a lie in front of others. We naturally gravitated into separate weekends with the lad. A family holiday, last ditch attempt at making things work, made my mind up. I needed time to get finances and life together. This however was accelerated when I asked my 6 year old what he wanted to get his dad for Christmas, his response without taking a breath “a house to live in on his own”. I left the family home 3 weeks later.

The lad has never asked why, at the time all he was bothered about was I couldn’t cook omelettes and his dad couldn’t cook pasta. 5 and a half years later he is starting to make comments of his own on the situation as he sees or understands things clearer as he ages.

Two separate happy honest households is definitely better for all concerned than a strained untruthful one

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

One cannot help feel for those that are genuinely trapped.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What "should" it look like? I'm genuinely interested in that and how many families actually achieve the ideal."

I often wonder this too. I think there's a world of difference between a relationship that involves a lot of obvious conflict and one where parents rub along together, even if there's no open shows of touchy feely affection between the parents

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By *edHeadedFunWoman
over a year ago

Didsbury

After I decided to end things with my ex after trying for months to save what we had for the sake of the children I realised it was doing none of us any good. So a few months later I moved out and left him with the house I just wanted a clean break. One of the hardest decisions but also one of the best ones I made. It was something my sister said to me one day that still sticks in my mind.

'Surely the kids would be happier if you seperated and one parent was happy

than you living in an unhappy relationship and you all been unhappy' well something along those lines anyway (it was over 17 years ago.

And true I was much happier and so were the kids. Wasn't easy bringing them up mostly by myself, working long hours and my youngest having ADHD and Aspergers but we were happy and that was the main thing.

And yes the kids seen their dad every week once I persuaded him too, took a long bloody time for him to agree.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

What "should" it look like? I'm genuinely interested in that and how many families actually achieve the ideal.

Agreed. I think there are very few model relationships. Some are clearly miles better than others but the range of "good" is wide I reckon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What "should" it look like? I'm genuinely interested in that and how many families actually achieve the ideal.

I agree about the vibe I also agree that there are a lot of different ways to be in a good and loving family. The thing is I suppose that as kids we tend to think of our own situation as normal."

I disagree. Maybe when we're very young but not when we're older and having sleepovers, and you don't want to invite anybody to yours cos you don't even want to be there.

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By *oggystyleMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Have I gone onto mumsnet by accident .

As a just divorced bloke who stayed in toxic relationship ( my choice for sake of kids or so I told myself) there is no correct answer just the least bad options

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

What "should" it look like? I'm genuinely interested in that and how many families actually achieve the ideal.

I agree about the vibe I also agree that there are a lot of different ways to be in a good and loving family. The thing is I suppose that as kids we tend to think of our own situation as normal.

I disagree. Maybe when we're very young but not when we're older and having sleepovers, and you don't want to invite anybody to yours cos you don't even want to be there. "

Fair enough. I was much older when I realised my family set up wasn't normal as far as the majority were concerned. My mum was very good at making it appear so to the outside world though.

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By *oggystyleMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Have I gone onto mumsnet by accident .

As a just divorced bloke who stayed in toxic relationship ( my choice for sake of kids or so I told myself) there is no correct answer just the least bad options

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Working different shifts helps as does different days off. Rubbing along goes so far, but then you are just trapped in a different sort of normality where things aren't awful enough to force a change but where you become a bit like lodgers in your kids house

Independance is ideal, but has to be a liveable life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is really difficult having been a child to parents who had no affection or at least distorted affection towards one another. Very controlling on both sides but neither willing to move on... which we all as children wish they would. I found my self in a marriage which whilst wasn't bad it wasn't happy. He is a great guy and a great dad, though has his own issues and as a couple we got by from day to the next very distant and no common ground. neither happy but neither really wanting to let go wither.. the big what if... but my changing point was this is what my children see as normal, and if they came to me describing the relationship i have with their father i would be devastated for them... if it isnt good enough for our children then it isn't good enough for us.

that said it really is not easy or straight forward its damn hard!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One cannot help feel for those that are genuinely trapped.

There is not much that genuinely traps someone but there are always exceptions.

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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago

a quandary, could you change my mind?

"I did it for a while, until I couldn’t bear it any longer. I’m much happier, and as a truly so are my kids.

They pick up so much, and being in a negative toxic atmosphere is not good for anyone"

Hind sight is a wonderful thing indeed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seen too many good people do this selfless but ultimately wrong action. Not good for anyone especially the kids and most of them would be horrified if their kids were that selfless in the future.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I did it for a while, until I couldn’t bear it any longer. I’m much happier, and as a truly so are my kids.

They pick up so much, and being in a negative toxic atmosphere is not good for anyone

Hind sight is a wonderful thing indeed."

That's why children of yesteryear can inform the parents of today.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One cannot help feel for those that are genuinely trapped.

There is not much that genuinely traps someone but there are always exceptions. "

Mortgages

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 01/07/20 17:21:27]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One cannot help feel for those that are genuinely trapped.

There is not much that genuinely traps someone but there are always exceptions.

Mortgages"

That doesn't trap anyone. It does not mean that someone cannot move out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 01/07/20 17:23:13]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"One cannot help feel for those that are genuinely trapped.

There is not much that genuinely traps someone but there are always exceptions.

Mortgages

That doesn't trap anyone. It does not mean that someone cannot move out."

If they have an affordable place to go to.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

"I did it for 5 years, when I look back it was a crazy decision as everyone still gets hurt in the end. 5 years of wasted life. "

This.

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By *evil-AngelWoman
over a year ago

...

My husband and I separated after he had an affair in part because I didn't want my girls growing up thinking that was an acceptable way to be treated in a relationship.

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By *urls and DressesWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near here

My parents did it, they’re so much happier apart. If my dad left when he wanted to, I wouldn’t know him now, my mum would have been spiteful and kept us away from him. At 33 and they’ve been split for 12 years, my mum still tries to tear us away from my dad. He’s not at all a bad person, she’s just bitter

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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago

a quandary, could you change my mind?

"My parents did it, they’re so much happier apart. If my dad left when he wanted to, I wouldn’t know him now, my mum would have been spiteful and kept us away from him. At 33 and they’ve been split for 12 years, my mum still tries to tear us away from my dad. He’s not at all a bad person, she’s just bitter"

Something that keeps people in the relationship, its very easy for children to be poisoned.

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By *isstonguetasticjoWoman
over a year ago

widnes

I was with my daughters dad for 16 years, the last year we just lost the love no conversation, he never came out with us wen we wud go out , he just got boring snd was drinkin every night, evrb wen we were together as soon as he got in from work every day, i was just sittin watchin tv everynight, no conversation,

In the end he moved out and daughter stayed in the house with me, just as she was startin senior school

Must admit it has been heaven since he moved out , for us both, she still saw him every day tho as he wud come n take her to school, see her at weekends n in the week to take her shoppin

4 yrs later since we split up it is still all good,

The thing i always think is

No point stayin together fr the kids sake,

They clock on dead easy, so can see ur both not happy, n no love there, but if u are on here married or with partner, shaggin behind their back, that aint gonna work, cos they can kick u out the house n stop u seein ur kids altogether if they catch u out,

The best thing i keep sayin is both finish on mutual grounds, then u can still see the kids,

THEN u can go n shag who u want wen ur kid free

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our role on this earth is to recreate life. Then nurture and guide that life to contribute to society. That in my opinion means sacrifices to show values, morals and standards despite differences and fall outs...

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By *rian4uMan
over a year ago

London

"Our role on this earth is to recreate life. Then nurture and guide that life to contribute to society. That in my opinion means sacrifices to show values, morals and standards despite differences and fall outs... "

You must be a v rare member of the human race.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Interesting points everyone

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By *hortarseWoman
over a year ago

Norfolk

Think you need to get back to the gym

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Can you tell that to my ex please?? I can give you his details.....

MsD

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

One thought does occur reading this thread.

There are couples out there especially on this site and I've encountered one or two...

Who are in exceptional relationships there openness with each other especially re sex is a joy to behold..

I'm not naive to think that all relationships are perfect that wouldn't be normal..

But when you see couples totally at ease with them selves you do think what a happy marriage and if it's a happy marriage then it must be a great environment in which they raised kids.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you tell that to my ex please?? I can give you his details.....

MsD"
I had an upbringing with parents forever in turmoil. When married I stayed way longer than I should to give our boys a solid foundation. Two well rounded young men 3 grandaughters a result...they now have the same morals....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Something that keeps people in the relationship, its very easy for children to be poisoned. "

It can occur outside the relationship also.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Both my parents separately tell me they wish they were apart, or to the extent they should not have married. I wouldn't have been born - I can live with that

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Can you tell that to my ex please?? I can give you his details.....

MsDI had an upbringing with parents forever in turmoil. When married I stayed way longer than I should to give our boys a solid foundation. Two well rounded young men 3 grandaughters a result...they now have the same morals...."

I dread to think how the breakdown of our marriage wil affect the kids longterm. Its a horrendous separation, like awful. Police involved about 20 times etc. The kids witnessed me getting arrested as I spoke to my ex. Horrible stuff. If I could have shielded them from any of it, i would have given all my money away

MsD

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My girls are much happier now. We battled to save our marriage for years, but I was so unhappy and it was taking its toll on everyone. Not everyone can stay together for the kids, especially if abuse is present.

My daughters have been taught that the best thing they can do is leave an unhappy environment, they see happy parents now. My ex husband couldn’t handle our disabled daughter’s needs and is now far happier as he doesn’t have the stress of her, and can enjoy quality time at the weekend with our youngest.

Apart we are stronger than we ever were together. I am from divorced parents so wanted desperately to have a nuclear family, but when that desperation leads to people being unhappy and living a lie, how is that more desirable than living separate lives? x Viv x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

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