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Judging others actions

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Do you judge others actions if they don't directly affect you?

If people are happy doing what they doing and not hurting anyone else, do we really need to?

My attitude, live and let live

Thoughts?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Same as you..

If it doesn't affect me, that is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As long as it’s not hurting anyone, yes. Live and let live

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

I judge, but that’s not necessarily a negative judgement. If it is, doesn’t mean I do anything with the judgement. Also, if I’m really not interested in the person, I’ve probably not noticed what they’ve done anyhow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s impossible not to form some kind of opinion of people when you observe them for long enough.

I rarely act on my opinions though.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

Oh I judge. I judge hard.

I keep my judgements to myself though. Nothing to do with me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everybodh judges, whether they express it is a different matter. I have to work hard sometimes to bite my tongue, but ultimately what someone else is doing is none of my business

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Okay, I probably should of worded the OP better. Yes we all judge, it's human nature but do you make your judgement known out loud?

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

I am a live and let live sort of person, but I have to confess that when people do something I regard as ’stupid’ I tend to say under my breath ‘ you stupid idiot’ so I have judged them in that sense. Does this make me a bad person.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Yeah I judge, I see the good, the bad and the indifferent actions of people. But .y judgment of an action can be different to my opinion of someone.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I am a live and let live sort of person, but I have to confess that when people do something I regard as ’stupid’ I tend to say under my breath ‘ you stupid idiot’ so I have judged them in that sense. Does this make me a bad person. "

I'd say it makes you human personally but that's just my opinion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I might see something and my reaction ranges from;

O-)

Oh my days

What the actual

Crikey on a bike

For Fucks Sake

Fucking Nora!

Apart from that no, I can't say I do judge

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral


"Okay, I probably should of worded the OP better. Yes we all judge, it's human nature but do you make your judgement known out loud? "

Very rarely. If they're not hurting me or anyone else the why would I?

If they're doing harm to someone and I think my intervention would help then I absolutely would, but otherwise I keep my judgements to myself.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London


"Okay, I probably should of worded the OP better. Yes we all judge, it's human nature but do you make your judgement known out loud? "

Not if it’s got fuck all to do with me. But sometimes I do, I’m flawed. I don’t intend to hurt if I do though, but likely have done.

I hope I keep my arse out of other people’s business, but if it’s partially my business I can’t promise I’m perfect or live up to my own aspired for standards and I’m sure I’ve offered opinions uninvited before.

Thing is people can offer unsolicited opinions and hurtful ones if they feel the need, we’d rather they didn’t, but they can. We can judge them to be gumbyflannelpoopheads though when they do.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

I probably do.

The example I thought of was seeing someone in their pyjamas in the supermarket.

Are they hurting anyone, no. Would I roll my eyes, yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it depends.

If someone is walking down the street at 2 o'clock in the afternoon wearing pyjamas then wouldn't say anything but I would think its lazy.

If you put something up on a public forum for people to discuss and then get upset when you're judged for it, I think what's the point of putting it out there if you don't people to disagree or Judge.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I don't necessarily judge, or cast judgement out loud but it may well depend on the what - because what some may see as "fun" and "not harming anyone else", may not be my idea of either thing.

If we're talking purely forum interaction, which usually seems to be the raison d'etre behind threads like this, then I'll offer an opinion and make it a balanced and reasoned one - others may see that as being judgemental when in fact it's simply offering a different opinion.

I do think there are those though who are very quick to judge and jump to the wrong conclusions around here, purely because people have offered a different opinion.

Saw it just today on a couple of threads and it's a regular occurrence

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't always make my judgement known out loud, especially if its negative. Sometimes I just quietly go to myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Same as you..

If it doesn't affect me, that is"
This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't necessarily judge, or cast judgement out loud but it may well depend on the what - because what some may see as "fun" and "not harming anyone else", may not be my idea of either thing.

If we're talking purely forum interaction, which usually seems to be the raison d'etre behind threads like this, then I'll offer an opinion and make it a balanced and reasoned one - others may see that as being judgemental when in fact it's simply offering a different opinion.

I do think there are those though who are very quick to judge and jump to the wrong conclusions around here, purely because people have offered a different opinion.

Saw it just today on a couple of threads and it's a regular occurrence"

Are they the wrong conclusions or just different ones?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I don't necessarily judge, or cast judgement out loud but it may well depend on the what - because what some may see as "fun" and "not harming anyone else", may not be my idea of either thing.

If we're talking purely forum interaction, which usually seems to be the raison d'etre behind threads like this, then I'll offer an opinion and make it a balanced and reasoned one - others may see that as being judgemental when in fact it's simply offering a different opinion.

I do think there are those though who are very quick to judge and jump to the wrong conclusions around here, purely because people have offered a different opinion.

Saw it just today on a couple of threads and it's a regular occurrence

Are they the wrong conclusions or just different ones?"

If they're casting judgement on someone for holding a different opinion then in my opinion they've jumped to the wrong conclusion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't necessarily judge, or cast judgement out loud but it may well depend on the what - because what some may see as "fun" and "not harming anyone else", may not be my idea of either thing.

If we're talking purely forum interaction, which usually seems to be the raison d'etre behind threads like this, then I'll offer an opinion and make it a balanced and reasoned one - others may see that as being judgemental when in fact it's simply offering a different opinion.

I do think there are those though who are very quick to judge and jump to the wrong conclusions around here, purely because people have offered a different opinion.

Saw it just today on a couple of threads and it's a regular occurrence

Are they the wrong conclusions or just different ones?

If they're casting judgement on someone for holding a different opinion then in my opinion they've jumped to the wrong conclusion"

But surely that depends on what the opinion is.

If someone's opinion is that racism is good for example then im going to judge them for that opinion.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I don't necessarily judge, or cast judgement out loud but it may well depend on the what - because what some may see as "fun" and "not harming anyone else", may not be my idea of either thing.

If we're talking purely forum interaction, which usually seems to be the raison d'etre behind threads like this, then I'll offer an opinion and make it a balanced and reasoned one - others may see that as being judgemental when in fact it's simply offering a different opinion.

I do think there are those though who are very quick to judge and jump to the wrong conclusions around here, purely because people have offered a different opinion.

Saw it just today on a couple of threads and it's a regular occurrence

Are they the wrong conclusions or just different ones?

If they're casting judgement on someone for holding a different opinion then in my opinion they've jumped to the wrong conclusion

But surely that depends on what the opinion is.

If someone's opinion is that racism is good for example then im going to judge them for that opinion."

Yes in that particular example which goes way off beam from what the OP was discussing then of course, but that's not jumping to the wrong conclusion in the slightest - someone who is being inherently and obviously racist doesn't need any conclusions to be drawn, they simply *are* racist.

Someone objecting to people who decide they want to go out and socialise this weekend however to use a topical example may well be jumping to the wrong conclusions and casting judgement on those that choose to because their opinion differs.

See the difference?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't necessarily judge, or cast judgement out loud but it may well depend on the what - because what some may see as "fun" and "not harming anyone else", may not be my idea of either thing.

If we're talking purely forum interaction, which usually seems to be the raison d'etre behind threads like this, then I'll offer an opinion and make it a balanced and reasoned one - others may see that as being judgemental when in fact it's simply offering a different opinion.

I do think there are those though who are very quick to judge and jump to the wrong conclusions around here, purely because people have offered a different opinion.

Saw it just today on a couple of threads and it's a regular occurrence

Are they the wrong conclusions or just different ones?

If they're casting judgement on someone for holding a different opinion then in my opinion they've jumped to the wrong conclusion

But surely that depends on what the opinion is.

If someone's opinion is that racism is good for example then im going to judge them for that opinion.

Yes in that particular example which goes way off beam from what the OP was discussing then of course, but that's not jumping to the wrong conclusion in the slightest - someone who is being inherently and obviously racist doesn't need any conclusions to be drawn, they simply *are* racist.

Someone objecting to people who decide they want to go out and socialise this weekend however to use a topical example may well be jumping to the wrong conclusions and casting judgement on those that choose to because their opinion differs.

See the difference?"

Yes of course I deliberately used an extreme example.

Yes some people did but others said they wouldn't and why they wouldn't i don't see anything wrong with that.

Also it's not true that it has no impact on others because it does.

Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.

Yes people can make a personal choice but actually don't judge those that don't think it's a good idea. it works both ways.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Frequently.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it doesn't affect me it's none of my business

Not my circus not my monkey

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I don't necessarily judge, or cast judgement out loud but it may well depend on the what - because what some may see as "fun" and "not harming anyone else", may not be my idea of either thing.

If we're talking purely forum interaction, which usually seems to be the raison d'etre behind threads like this, then I'll offer an opinion and make it a balanced and reasoned one - others may see that as being judgemental when in fact it's simply offering a different opinion.

I do think there are those though who are very quick to judge and jump to the wrong conclusions around here, purely because people have offered a different opinion.

Saw it just today on a couple of threads and it's a regular occurrence

Are they the wrong conclusions or just different ones?

If they're casting judgement on someone for holding a different opinion then in my opinion they've jumped to the wrong conclusion

But surely that depends on what the opinion is.

If someone's opinion is that racism is good for example then im going to judge them for that opinion.

Yes in that particular example which goes way off beam from what the OP was discussing then of course, but that's not jumping to the wrong conclusion in the slightest - someone who is being inherently and obviously racist doesn't need any conclusions to be drawn, they simply *are* racist.

Someone objecting to people who decide they want to go out and socialise this weekend however to use a topical example may well be jumping to the wrong conclusions and casting judgement on those that choose to because their opinion differs.

See the difference?

Yes of course I deliberately used an extreme example.

Yes some people did but others said they wouldn't and why they wouldn't i don't see anything wrong with that.

Also it's not true that it has no impact on others because it does.

Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.

Yes people can make a personal choice but actually don't judge those that don't think it's a good idea. it works both ways."

I have no idea what you are referring to Lorna but yes judgement can work both ways but it doesn't always, which was the point I was trying to make about people jumping to the wrong conclusions and making judgements as a result of those.

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By *imon_hydeMan
over a year ago

Stockport

I'm with you on live and let live but that doesn't stop me being judgemental. I can be a right twat, I'm trying to stop doing it but god people annoy me...

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By *B69Woman
over a year ago

Wiltshire

I may have an opinion and judge but I wouldn’t air my views unless it was aimed at myself or people close to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm getting increasingly fed up with people who always just see the negative in someone. Sadly I have friends who don't have the bollocks to say things straight to someone's face, act like their mate, then bitch about them behind their backs. I mean, what's the point? Nobody is perfect, but doing that makes it seem like they think they are perfect and in a position to belittle another. I know it's all due to their own insecurity (and yes, I'm aware I'm basically doing the same thing here), but it's really getting on my tits lately. I'm definitely noticing more of this kind of behaviour in young people too, of boxing everyone in and judging them on particular behaviours. Why do people always see the negative first? Like I say, we're all flawed, but everyone has positives and negatives, it just seems to me that actively searching for negative characteristics is somehow a comfort... oh i dont know. Sorry for the rant.

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By *arl17Man
over a year ago

Central Portugal


"I may have an opinion and judge but I wouldn’t air my views unless it was aimed at myself or people close to me"

Totally agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Live and let live all the way I say. Curious as to the motive for this thread though.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Okay, I probably should of worded the OP better. Yes we all judge, it's human nature but do you make your judgement known out loud? "

Yes I make thousands of judgements a day with 99% of them subconscious. Of the conscious judgements I make on people I don't feel a need to inform anyone unless I deem they are likely to drag a third party into drama. If I think a friend attitude / actions are going to cause them drama I will tell them but only if they're not the drama seeking kind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Live and let live all the way I say. Curious as to the motive for this thread though..... "

Yeeh, same on both counts tbh

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Some interesting replies on here.

As for the motive behind the thread, it's just human curiosity. I like asking questions and hearing people's views

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I don't necessarily judge, or cast judgement out loud but it may well depend on the what - because what some may see as "fun" and "not harming anyone else", may not be my idea of either thing.

If we're talking purely forum interaction, which usually seems to be the raison d'etre behind threads like this, then I'll offer an opinion and make it a balanced and reasoned one - others may see that as being judgemental when in fact it's simply offering a different opinion.

I do think there are those though who are very quick to judge and jump to the wrong conclusions around here, purely because people have offered a different opinion.

Saw it just today on a couple of threads and it's a regular occurrence"

Wasn't actually anything to do with the forum, just general day to day life

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss


"I don't always make my judgement known out loud, especially if its negative. Sometimes I just quietly go to myself. "

Same here, if its something that I particularly dislike I use the note function on their profile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The way I live my/ our life is not like the majority...I don t do what a 55 year old man is supposed to do, expected to do, then theres my "issues" come from a traumatic and violent past as in I was the victim. Because of this others have judged me harshly and still do..I judge no one but then I spend my time pretty much only in the company of my other half as I tired of listening to people telling me how I should be, of how dancing is silliness and my meltdown periods should be cured by now. I dont judge others as it is rare those sitting in judgement know all, if any of the facts. I live my life not other peoples.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think live and let live also op, but I cant stop my mind thinking something is off about a person's behaviour when I see someone behaving strangely. Thankfully I can stop my mouth from saying anything though and I can overt my gaze so as not to offend

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By *mberWoman
over a year ago

Preston

We all judge others constantly. I don't believe anyone who says they never judge people.

When we meet someone or read something they write we judge the kind of person they are: their ethics, wealth, education level, personality, interests, lifestyle etc

This judgment doesn't have to be something we voice but it's there and it can be positive or negative or both.

Would I voice my judgement?

Maybe, If I thought someone's actions were cruel or damaging to another person or a group of people, if I thought they were spreading hate for example then I would. If I just didn't like their wallpaper choices then no, that's having zero impact on others.

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham


"We all judge others constantly. I don't believe anyone who says they never judge people.

When we meet someone or read something they write we judge the kind of person they are: their ethics, wealth, education level, personality, interests, lifestyle etc

This judgment doesn't have to be something we voice but it's there and it can be positive or negative or both.

Would I voice my judgement?

Maybe, If I thought someone's actions were cruel or damaging to another person or a group of people, if I thought they were spreading hate for example then I would. If I just didn't like their wallpaper choices then no, that's having zero impact on others."

this.

D.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you judge others actions if they don't directly affect you?

If people are happy doing what they doing and not hurting anyone else, do we really need to?

My attitude, live and let live

Thoughts? "

I judge people on how they speak about others when they're not there. That tells me a lot about a person, even though it's not damaging to me

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

I think there is a difference between judging someone’s opinion (and putting forward an alternative) than there is to deliberately trying to shame someone for their opinion. The first approach has the potential to open up conversation and debate the second approach closes that down and often ends up in a slanging match which others will often pitch in on on either side.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We all judge others constantly. I don't believe anyone who says they never judge people.

When we meet someone or read something they write we judge the kind of person they are: their ethics, wealth, education level, personality, interests, lifestyle etc

This judgment doesn't have to be something we voice but it's there and it can be positive or negative or both.

Would I voice my judgement?

Maybe, If I thought someone's actions were cruel or damaging to another person or a group of people, if I thought they were spreading hate for example then I would. If I just didn't like their wallpaper choices then no, that's having zero impact on others."

This for me too

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I think there is a difference between judging someone’s opinion (and putting forward an alternative) than there is to deliberately trying to shame someone for their opinion. The first approach has the potential to open up conversation and debate the second approach closes that down and often ends up in a slanging match which others will often pitch in on on either side. "

Part of the point I was trying to make but put more succinctly

Sadly, all too often, especially on here the latter seems to be the case especially when wrong conclusions about intent and meaning are jumped to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think there is a difference between judging someone’s opinion (and putting forward an alternative) than there is to deliberately trying to shame someone for their opinion. The first approach has the potential to open up conversation and debate the second approach closes that down and often ends up in a slanging match which others will often pitch in on on either side.

Part of the point I was trying to make but put more succinctly

Sadly, all too often, especially on here the latter seems to be the case especially when wrong conclusions about intent and meaning are jumped to "

I prefer to think of the meaning of my communication is in the response I get. I get into most situations of conflict because there’s a mismatch between the way I say something and what I thought was my intention. When I look deeper I discover my intention wasn’t what I thought it was. Sometimes there’s a lack of alignment between our conscious intent and un-conscious motives.

Often when I have found myself saying ‘that is not what I intended‘, I have found the way I have expressed myself conveys are darker personal truth.

Of course that could be just me, I know I’m particularly flawed in this respect.

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Na....away with them. Unless it affects me.

MsD

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I think there is a difference between judging someone’s opinion (and putting forward an alternative) than there is to deliberately trying to shame someone for their opinion. The first approach has the potential to open up conversation and debate the second approach closes that down and often ends up in a slanging match which others will often pitch in on on either side.

Part of the point I was trying to make but put more succinctly

Sadly, all too often, especially on here the latter seems to be the case especially when wrong conclusions about intent and meaning are jumped to

I prefer to think of the meaning of my communication is in the response I get. I get into most situations of conflict because there’s a mismatch between the way I say something and what I thought was my intention. When I look deeper I discover my intention wasn’t what I thought it was. Sometimes there’s a lack of alignment between our conscious intent and un-conscious motives.

Often when I have found myself saying ‘that is not what I intended‘, I have found the way I have expressed myself conveys are darker personal truth.

Of course that could be just me, I know I’m particularly flawed in this respect."

Yes that can be the case, especially in a textual environment, which is why I am always careful to add balance and reasoning to things I post to minimise the risk of intent being misconstrued, and it mostly works.

It does however also work the other way round to what you suggest, in that there are some who perhaps need to stop and think about what another has said before jumping all over it with condemnation and whether the intent is actually what they perceive.

It happens all too often here, especially in some quarters, where someone posts a thread and are rounded on, when exactly the same thread could have been posted by another and it go a completely way, yet the wording and intent was the same.

It's about cognisance on *both* sides ultimately

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

I do not care what others get up to and hope they keep their noses out of my business too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think there is a difference between judging someone’s opinion (and putting forward an alternative) than there is to deliberately trying to shame someone for their opinion. The first approach has the potential to open up conversation and debate the second approach closes that down and often ends up in a slanging match which others will often pitch in on on either side.

Part of the point I was trying to make but put more succinctly

Sadly, all too often, especially on here the latter seems to be the case especially when wrong conclusions about intent and meaning are jumped to

I prefer to think of the meaning of my communication is in the response I get. I get into most situations of conflict because there’s a mismatch between the way I say something and what I thought was my intention. When I look deeper I discover my intention wasn’t what I thought it was. Sometimes there’s a lack of alignment between our conscious intent and un-conscious motives.

Often when I have found myself saying ‘that is not what I intended‘, I have found the way I have expressed myself conveys are darker personal truth.

Of course that could be just me, I know I’m particularly flawed in this respect.

Yes that can be the case, especially in a textual environment, which is why I am always careful to add balance and reasoning to things I post to minimise the risk of intent being misconstrued, and it mostly works.

It does however also work the other way round to what you suggest, in that there are some who perhaps need to stop and think about what another has said before jumping all over it with condemnation and whether the intent is actually what they perceive.

It happens all too often here, especially in some quarters, where someone posts a thread and are rounded on, when exactly the same thread could have been posted by another and it go a completely way, yet the wording and intent was the same.

It's about cognisance on *both* sides ultimately "

When it happens for me, when I have posted something I still question why it might be perceived that way. After all their perceptions are their reality. It is a much better investment for me to work on my words being perceived differently than to try to change someone else’s perception of my words.

In the case of if I posted a thread that was the same as someone else who got a very different, more negative, response I’d look at what was the difference in the way I said it and how it came across. It is highly unlikely that they would be identical, unless I’d copied and pasted it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't judge people unless they are hurting someone, then I make my opinion known. All it takes for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing. I don't mess with people's private relationships though unless I know the full story from the people involved, that's not for anyone to meddle with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep I do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yep I do "

Aw okay I didn’t read the OP properly

It depends really. If they’re really doing something that makes them happy and won’t hurt others then I judge them in a way that’s like ‘aw I’m happy they’re doing something positive’

If it’s something that could hurt others then yeah I still judge.

Everyone judges

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


" When it happens for me, when I have posted something I still question why it might be perceived that way. After all their perceptions are their reality. It is a much better investment for me to work on my words being perceived differently than to try to change someone else’s perception of my words.

In the case of if I posted a thread that was the same as someone else who got a very different, more negative, response I’d look at what was the difference in the way I said it and how it came across. It is highly unlikely that they would be identical, unless I’d copied and pasted it."

Sorry Doc but that makes no sense at all - I'm not going to change who/what/how I am just because one person (or even a specific group of people) didn't like what I had to say, or perceived it incorrectly, especially if it has clearly been understood and accepted by others. In instances like that I stand by what I said about the onus being on people to think before jumping to the wrong conclusions.

If people choose to judge me for that, then so be it, not my problem.

Of course if someone is continually misconstrued by the majority then that is somewhat different and probably a time for self-reflection - but a handful of random people on an internet site aren't the cause for major change.

Yes, there may be odd times when an individual comment being misconstrued may make you think it could perhaps have been better worded, but it's usually worthy of no more than a passing thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" When it happens for me, when I have posted something I still question why it might be perceived that way. After all their perceptions are their reality. It is a much better investment for me to work on my words being perceived differently than to try to change someone else’s perception of my words.

In the case of if I posted a thread that was the same as someone else who got a very different, more negative, response I’d look at what was the difference in the way I said it and how it came across. It is highly unlikely that they would be identical, unless I’d copied and pasted it.

Sorry Doc but that makes no sense at all - I'm not going to change who/what/how I am just because one person (or even a specific group of people) didn't like what I had to say, or perceived it incorrectly, especially if it has clearly been understood and accepted by others. In instances like that I stand by what I said about the onus being on people to think before jumping to the wrong conclusions.

If people choose to judge me for that, then so be it, not my problem.

Of course if someone is continually misconstrued by the majority then that is somewhat different and probably a time for self-reflection - but a handful of random people on an internet site aren't the cause for major change.

Yes, there may be odd times when an individual comment being misconstrued may make you think it could perhaps have been better worded, but it's usually worthy of no more than a passing thought."

That is where you and I differ. People see what they see depending on their worldview and my worldview is different to theirs. So seeing what I have said from their perspective helps me to express things in a way that they are more likely to understand and not misinterpret. I endeavour to see that although I have my truth it is not the truth and by nature it is partial and therefore my words are open to interpretation from different perspectives. Those perspectives aren’t wrong but are likely to be partial too. I can learn from that perspective when it differs from mine and I can take it into account next time I choose to open my gob.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Vive le difference....

....and god bless all who sail in her

Billy Joel summed it up perfectly...

...don't go changing, to try to please me (or her, or him, or them!!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Vive le difference....

....and god bless all who sail in her

Billy Joel summed it up perfectly...

...don't go changing, to try to please me (or her, or him, or them!!) "

Changing who we are is very different to adapting our approach.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think Dominic Cummings is a lying tosser the end

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"Vive le difference....

....and god bless all who sail in her

Billy Joel summed it up perfectly...

...don't go changing, to try to please me (or her, or him, or them!!)

Changing who we are is very different to adapting our approach. "

You say pot-ay-to I say pot-ar-to Doc, it's still changing who we are and our beliefs if by adapting an approach you're doing so to appease a minority who refuse to accept a different approach or view that is otherwise accepted by the majority.

I'm not going to change or adapt just to appease a minority - I'd rather be honest and true to myself and what I am saying.

If someone misconstrues my intent (either deliberately or otherwise) and that intent is honourable and seen as such by the majority, why should I adapt it for the minority?

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By *iggle 321Man
over a year ago

pR

Not one honest person here lmfao.... We all judge every single day! The fab gang always blowing smoke up each others ass!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Okay, I probably should of worded the OP better. Yes we all judge, it's human nature but do you make your judgement known out loud? "

I try very hard not to, especially on the fora..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If having opinions about someone's actions is the same as judging, then yes I do. But judging someones actions is different from judging someone. Also, if I were to make a judgement on someones actions, doesn't mean I would make it known.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Vive le difference....

....and god bless all who sail in her

Billy Joel summed it up perfectly...

...don't go changing, to try to please me (or her, or him, or them!!)

Changing who we are is very different to adapting our approach.

You say pot-ay-to I say pot-ar-to Doc, it's still changing who we are and our beliefs if by adapting an approach you're doing so to appease a minority who refuse to accept a different approach or view that is otherwise accepted by the majority.

I'm not going to change or adapt just to appease a minority - I'd rather be honest and true to myself and what I am saying.

If someone misconstrues my intent (either deliberately or otherwise) and that intent is honourable and seen as such by the majority, why should I adapt it for the minority?

"

I’m not suggesting doing it to appease anyone I’m suggesting changing my approach to reduce misunderstanding and misinterpretation. I don’t change my beliefs when I change my approach. I actually believe there are many ways to skin a cat. I also tend not to believe I am right, I tend to think that I always have something to learn no matter how much I disagree with someone. It works for me. I might of course be wrong though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If having opinions about someone's actions is the same as judging, then yes I do. But judging someones actions is different from judging someone. Also, if I were to make a judgement on someones actions, doesn't mean I would make it known. "

I think judging is what we do whenever we form, give, or have an opinion, or to decide about something or someone, especially after thinking carefully. However we get into judgemental territory when we express a negative opinion of someone's behaviour. I think this is often because we think we are better than them: That’s when in my view it becomes problematic.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I’m not suggesting doing it to appease anyone I’m suggesting changing my approach to reduce misunderstanding and misinterpretation. I don’t change my beliefs when I change my approach. I actually believe there are many ways to skin a cat. I also tend not to believe I am right, I tend to think that I always have something to learn no matter how much I disagree with someone. It works for me. I might of course be wrong though. "

This has gone way off beam now but absolutely you suggested it should be done to appease people when you said that you try and see things from their perspective and adapt your approach accordingly if they don't see your original intent or meaning. If that's not appeasing I'm not sure what is?

But you appear to have missed my point which is that adapting for a minority, when the majority have no issue, isn't necessarily the right way to go, and actually masks your true self to an extent.

We all learn and make mistakes as we go through life, it's the way life works, I just find it a strange concept to be expected to adapt or cater to a minority who themselves are unwilling to adapt, or see that it is *they* who have misunderstood or misinterpreted, when the majority have not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 01/07/20 12:04:14]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m not suggesting doing it to appease anyone I’m suggesting changing my approach to reduce misunderstanding and misinterpretation. I don’t change my beliefs when I change my approach. I actually believe there are many ways to skin a cat. I also tend not to believe I am right, I tend to think that I always have something to learn no matter how much I disagree with someone. It works for me. I might of course be wrong though.

This has gone way off beam now but absolutely you suggested it should be done to appease people when you said that you try and see things from their perspective and adapt your approach accordingly if they don't see your original intent or meaning. If that's not appeasing I'm not sure what is?

But you appear to have missed my point which is that adapting for a minority, when the majority have no issue, isn't necessarily the right way to go, and actually masks your true self to an extent.

We all learn and make mistakes as we go through life, it's the way life works, I just find it a strange concept to be expected to adapt or cater to a minority who themselves are unwilling to adapt, or see that it is *they* who have misunderstood or misinterpreted, when the majority have not."

Seeing something from another’s perspective is not my attempt to appease them, it is empathising and seeing what I can learn from them. I don’t have a monopoly on the truth and my true self is not my behaviour, it is not even my beliefs, because they change over time too. I can see you find it strange that I might adapt my behaviour depending on the outcome of something I’ve said or done, I do not. I also don’t assume that it is others’ fault that I am misinterpreted. I take responsibility for the effect of my words and seek to understand why they were misinterpreted. I learn a lot from minorities, or majorities for that matter, who see the world differently to me.

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By *mberWoman
over a year ago

Preston


"Not one honest person here lmfao.... We all judge every single day! The fab gang always blowing smoke up each others ass! "

You clearly didn't read all the responses

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not one honest person here lmfao.... We all judge every single day! The fab gang always blowing smoke up each others ass!

You clearly didn't read all the responses"

He read enough to form his opinion and judge though

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"Not one honest person here lmfao.... We all judge every single day! The fab gang always blowing smoke up each others ass!

You clearly didn't read all the responses

He read enough to form his opinion and judge though"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you judge others actions if they don't directly affect you?

If people are happy doing what they doing and not hurting anyone else, do we really need to?

My attitude, live and let live

Thoughts? "

Yes and no, I can’t judge others when I can’t see how they got to that point in the first place but on the other hand I did make a snap judgement the other week when I saw a man with his fist raised, towering over his wife, she said she wasn’t ok and he said this is normal when she’s d*unk, either way I called the police so yeah, I’ll admit judging some situations or people

I guess it depends on the situation and who’s perspective

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yep I do

Aw okay I didn’t read the OP properly

It depends really. If they’re really doing something that makes them happy and won’t hurt others then I judge them in a way that’s like ‘aw I’m happy they’re doing something positive’

If it’s something that could hurt others then yeah I still judge.

Everyone judges "

Yes they do and not all judgement is negative. Like I said slighty further up, it was more do you make those judgements known out loud especially the negative ones. If it's not affecting you or you life, would you voice it?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"I’m not suggesting doing it to appease anyone I’m suggesting changing my approach to reduce misunderstanding and misinterpretation. I don’t change my beliefs when I change my approach. I actually believe there are many ways to skin a cat. I also tend not to believe I am right, I tend to think that I always have something to learn no matter how much I disagree with someone. It works for me. I might of course be wrong though.

This has gone way off beam now but absolutely you suggested it should be done to appease people when you said that you try and see things from their perspective and adapt your approach accordingly if they don't see your original intent or meaning. If that's not appeasing I'm not sure what is?

But you appear to have missed my point which is that adapting for a minority, when the majority have no issue, isn't necessarily the right way to go, and actually masks your true self to an extent.

We all learn and make mistakes as we go through life, it's the way life works, I just find it a strange concept to be expected to adapt or cater to a minority who themselves are unwilling to adapt, or see that it is *they* who have misunderstood or misinterpreted, when the majority have not.

Seeing something from another’s perspective is not my attempt to appease them, it is empathising and seeing what I can learn from them. I don’t have a monopoly on the truth and my true self is not my behaviour, it is not even my beliefs, because they change over time too. I can see you find it strange that I might adapt my behaviour depending on the outcome of something I’ve said or done, I do not. I also don’t assume that it is others’ fault that I am misinterpreted. I take responsibility for the effect of my words and seek to understand why they were misinterpreted. I learn a lot from minorities, or majorities for that matter, who see the world differently to me. "

As I said earlier Doc...you have your way and I have mine and so long as we are happy in our approach and can hold our head high non-judgementally by doing so then that is the key....

...vive le difference

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It's interesting to read everyone's replies and people's take on the question.

There's no motive here, I'm just generally curious and nosey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If having opinions about someone's actions is the same as judging, then yes I do. But judging someones actions is different from judging someone. Also, if I were to make a judgement on someones actions, doesn't mean I would make it known.

I think judging is what we do whenever we form, give, or have an opinion, or to decide about something or someone, especially after thinking carefully. However we get into judgemental territory when we express a negative opinion of someone's behaviour. I think this is often because we think we are better than them: That’s when in my view it becomes problematic."

I will concede to maybe the first part of your response, up until something or someone, as yes opinions and thoughts may be formed, but not in the same way. Why only it is problematic when a negative opinion or thought is formed? If I have for formed a negative opinion about someone or something as you say, it's never because I think I am better than anyone. I hold myself to a higher standard as I do others, as ultimately I am in control of what I do. Also, when we form opinions, thoughts, judgments, very rarely do we have all information/facts about said person or thing... If any of that makes sense. So should always be willing to possibly engage in conversation in hope to possibly learn something, or for better understanding.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Live and let live all the way I say. Curious as to the motive for this thread though.....

Yeeh, same on both counts tbh"

What he said ^

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m not suggesting doing it to appease anyone I’m suggesting changing my approach to reduce misunderstanding and misinterpretation. I don’t change my beliefs when I change my approach. I actually believe there are many ways to skin a cat. I also tend not to believe I am right, I tend to think that I always have something to learn no matter how much I disagree with someone. It works for me. I might of course be wrong though.

This has gone way off beam now but absolutely you suggested it should be done to appease people when you said that you try and see things from their perspective and adapt your approach accordingly if they don't see your original intent or meaning. If that's not appeasing I'm not sure what is?

But you appear to have missed my point which is that adapting for a minority, when the majority have no issue, isn't necessarily the right way to go, and actually masks your true self to an extent.

We all learn and make mistakes as we go through life, it's the way life works, I just find it a strange concept to be expected to adapt or cater to a minority who themselves are unwilling to adapt, or see that it is *they* who have misunderstood or misinterpreted, when the majority have not.

Seeing something from another’s perspective is not my attempt to appease them, it is empathising and seeing what I can learn from them. I don’t have a monopoly on the truth and my true self is not my behaviour, it is not even my beliefs, because they change over time too. I can see you find it strange that I might adapt my behaviour depending on the outcome of something I’ve said or done, I do not. I also don’t assume that it is others’ fault that I am misinterpreted. I take responsibility for the effect of my words and seek to understand why they were misinterpreted. I learn a lot from minorities, or majorities for that matter, who see the world differently to me.

As I said earlier Doc...you have your way and I have mine and so long as we are happy in our approach and can hold our head high non-judgementally by doing so then that is the key....

...vive le difference

"
For sure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s not the judgement that is the problem. It’s the total finality and immovability of the person who judges once they “nail their flag to the post” so to speak, and the direct or indirect “name and shame” which is implied.

The OP said some along the lines of - not causing anyone else any harm.

We seem to accept someone might have a different worldview but we don’t appear to put that into practice when it involves the other person’s perception of RISK, for example. Lots if hints about what this thread could be about - people meeting other people during lockdown perhaps or this weekend to be more transparent about it.

Every young persons I know is already ignoring lockdown and meeting with their friends, having house parties, and are none the worse for it, because they perceive the RISK to be low. Every old persons I know are still being cautious and staying indoors (mostly), but as soon as the grandkids are at their house, social distancing goes straight OUT the WINDOW. “What do you mean I can’t hug and kiss my grandkids, do you like your teeth?!”

So if its Okay for Grandma to breach SD with kids, or for two vanilla lovers/partners to now stay overnight at the other persons house (doing what lovers do), why can’t swingers meet other people, if they perceive the risk is low, AND not be judged for it, because after all they are NOT meeting YOU.

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