FabSwingers.com forum: Soul searching

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We usually talk about avoiding it wherever possible, some own up to it as a part of human nature.

But how do you deal with others judgemental views about you? Does it make you neurotic? Do you sulk in? Do you stand up for yourself or you just dont fuel it/ignore because they know f**k all about you ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd probably question the sanity of those who claim they never judge...it's vital for survival that we do.

The focus here is always on being judged negatively/harshly.

I can accept that I won't always be judged in a positive light, and I'm okay with that

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'd probably question the sanity of those who claim they never judge...it's vital for survival that we do.

The focus here is always on being judged negatively/harshly.

I can accept that I won't always be judged in a positive light, and I'm okay with that "

Why is it vital for survival?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd probably question the sanity of those who claim they never judge...it's vital for survival that we do.

The focus here is always on being judged negatively/harshly.

I can accept that I won't always be judged in a positive light, and I'm okay with that

Why is it vital for survival? "

I think it protects us from physical and psychological harm

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"We usually talk about avoiding it wherever possible, some own up to it as a part of human nature.

Everyone judges, and is entitled to that right.

As to dealing with judgemental views re my person, doesn't really affect me. I know myself and my qualities / faults. A judgemental view that clashes with what I know to be true has zero effect, particularly if from a stranger.

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By *llaboutthewifeCouple
over a year ago

Cardiff

Depends who they come from and in what regard I hold that person

Sometimes I can shrug off other times it wounds deeply

Im tougher than I used to be, a few knocks gives you that but I still take things to heart

What about you OP?

Jo x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I take it all to heart and hide away embarrassed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends what is said. If I've said something controversial then I'll reflect on any (polite) comments as you never know, I might be wrong.

If it's just an insult against me personally, then no. They can take a running jump haha

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

It depends.....

If it’s someone close who I trust , will take it board. It’s highly likely true and needs to be wrestled with. Good things will come out of that even though it might be a bit painful

If it’s someone else, look at the motives then and normally just let it go and move on. Occasionally need to change how I deal with them , distance then etc

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'd probably question the sanity of those who claim they never judge...it's vital for survival that we do.

The focus here is always on being judged negatively/harshly.

I can accept that I won't always be judged in a positive light, and I'm okay with that

Why is it vital for survival?

I think it protects us from physical and psychological harm "

Ok I get that perspective now.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We usually talk about avoiding it wherever possible, some own up to it as a part of human nature.

Everyone judges, and is entitled to that right.

It's good to know your own truth.

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"Depends who they come from and in what regard I hold that person

Sometimes I can shrug off other times it wounds deeply

Im tougher than I used to be, a few knocks gives you that but I still take things to heart

What about you OP?

Jo x

I'm with you there Jo. You have to be pretty unique to be judged and it have zero effect on you. After all perception is reality and perhaps theirs a chance to learn and develop from another's views, whether we think they are right or wrong, they are their views.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I'm pretty much indifferent to it unless it's positive judgement obvs

. Seriously I care very little for what anybody other than the people I care about think of me. I can't control how I'm perceived by other people and I'm often surprised by the assumption people make about me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd probably question the sanity of those who claim they never judge...it's vital for survival that we do.

The focus here is always on being judged negatively/harshly.

I can accept that I won't always be judged in a positive light, and I'm okay with that "

There is a difference between judgement and discernment. You can discern whether a situation is safe/dangerous etc. You don’t have to be judgemental about it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depends who they come from and in what regard I hold that person

Sometimes I can shrug off other times it wounds deeply

Im tougher than I used to be, a few knocks gives you that but I still take things to heart

What about you OP?

Jo x

Only if it's coming from someone I am really close to.. then I would take it to heart. Rest of judgemental comments is just like annoying flies. They live shortly anyway and roll in shit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's normal to judge people, situations etc. It's what you do with that judgement.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd probably question the sanity of those who claim they never judge...it's vital for survival that we do.

The focus here is always on being judged negatively/harshly.

I can accept that I won't always be judged in a positive light, and I'm okay with that

There is a difference between judgement and discernment. You can discern whether a situation is safe/dangerous etc. You don’t have to be judgemental about it "

To come to that decision, you're making a judgement call

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think in real life I do get judging looks for having large tattoos (my profile pics are older and don't show as much) or piercings etc. I don't really care, it's their perogative to judge and I guess I judge their judgement? Like I then think they're small minded?

I guess most interactions with people we don't know are based on some kind of judgement and to a degree even when friends and family tell us things. Not judgement is bad but we do make them.

I feel like I've learned you can never be everyone's cup of tea and thats just life. Let people think what they want and I'll think what I want.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I take it all to heart and hide away embarrassed "

But would you like to change that?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have a saying.

"People who matter don't mind, and people who mind, don't matter."

Works with many things in life.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depends what is said. If I've said something controversial then I'll reflect on any (polite) comments as you never know, I might be wrong.

If it's just an insult against me personally, then no. They can take a running jump haha"

And fall on the spikey rocks ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd probably question the sanity of those who claim they never judge...it's vital for survival that we do.

The focus here is always on being judged negatively/harshly.

I can accept that I won't always be judged in a positive light, and I'm okay with that

There is a difference between judgement and discernment. You can discern whether a situation is safe/dangerous etc. You don’t have to be judgemental about it

To come to that decision, you're making a judgement call"

Yes, but there is a difference between being judgmental and making a judgement call

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It depends.....

If it’s someone close who I trust , will take it board. It’s highly likely true and needs to be wrestled with. Good things will come out of that even though it might be a bit painful

If it’s someone else, look at the motives then and normally just let it go and move on. Occasionally need to change how I deal with them , distance then etc "

Quite rational approach

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depends who they come from and in what regard I hold that person

Sometimes I can shrug off other times it wounds deeply

Im tougher than I used to be, a few knocks gives you that but I still take things to heart

What about you OP?

Jo x

So you are willing to listen?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm pretty much indifferent to it unless it's positive judgement obvs

Indifference is a very useful tool.

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By *ewkesbury cowboyMan
over a year ago

Tewkesbury

I have done and standing up for myself made it worse to a point where I did sulk a little now I just ignore it too many self righteous judgemental twats out there to take on all at once

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'd probably question the sanity of those who claim they never judge...it's vital for survival that we do.

The focus here is always on being judged negatively/harshly.

I can accept that I won't always be judged in a positive light, and I'm okay with that

There is a difference between judgement and discernment. You can discern whether a situation is safe/dangerous etc. You don’t have to be judgemental about it "

Semantics do matter sometimes. I am happy to learn more as a non native speaker.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's normal to judge people, situations etc. It's what you do with that judgement. "

That's what I'm asking! How do you deal with the one addressed at you?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think in real life I do get judging looks for having large tattoos (my profile pics are older and don't show as much) or piercings etc. I don't really care, it's their perogative to judge and I guess I judge their judgement? Like I then think they're small minded?

I guess most interactions with people we don't know are based on some kind of judgement and to a degree even when friends and family tell us things. Not judgement is bad but we do make them.

I feel like I've learned you can never be everyone's cup of tea and thats just life. Let people think what they want and I'll think what I want. "

I judge their judgement. That made me chuckle a little.

Ps.

Tattoos

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think about why they have said it and whether there is a truth in it, no matter how partial, and try to learn. I don’t dwell on it though. Learn and move on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have done and standing up for myself made it worse to a point where I did sulk a little now I just ignore it too many self righteous judgemental twats out there to take on all at once"

Why was it worse? Regrets?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think about why they have said it and whether there is a truth in it, no matter how partial, and try to learn. I don’t dwell on it though. Learn and move on."

Dwelling is a bit masochistic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd probably question the sanity of those who claim they never judge...it's vital for survival that we do.

The focus here is always on being judged negatively/harshly.

I can accept that I won't always be judged in a positive light, and I'm okay with that

There is a difference between judgement and discernment. You can discern whether a situation is safe/dangerous etc. You don’t have to be judgemental about it

To come to that decision, you're making a judgement call

Yes, but there is a difference between being judgmental and making a judgement call"

Only if you always perceive judging as a negative thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think about why they have said it and whether there is a truth in it, no matter how partial, and try to learn. I don’t dwell on it though. Learn and move on."

I’ll also add that it often tells me more about them than it does about me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think about why they have said it and whether there is a truth in it, no matter how partial, and try to learn. I don’t dwell on it though. Learn and move on.

Dwelling is a bit masochistic. "

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

I value the judgment of people that I respect and ignore it from those I don’t.

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By *exyredheadtattooCouple
over a year ago

Beaumont

I normally will ignore any negative judgement because I am happy with who I am and so is my hubby! Only 2 opinions that I need!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think about why they have said it and whether there is a truth in it, no matter how partial, and try to learn. I don’t dwell on it though. Learn and move on.

I’ll also add that it often tells me more about them than it does about me."

I suppose it might be serving some agenda of theirs.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I value the judgment of people that I respect and ignore it from those I don’t. "

Simple rules

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I normally will ignore any negative judgement because I am happy with who I am and so is my hubby! Only 2 opinions that I need!"

I like it. Self protective

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I listen, consider and use their viewpoint if I feel it’s appropriate.

Sometimes the judgment of others forces us into self analysis that we wouldn’t do otherwise. I find that quite healthy. On the condition that you are capable of also deciding their judgment isn’t valid and letting it go without brooding over it.

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By *VineMan
over a year ago

The right place

"I value the judgment of people that I respect and ignore it from those I don’t.

Simple rules

I’m a simple bloke

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unexpected judgement can throw me acurveball I wasnt expecting, leaving me questioning, but most of the time I'll listen and reflect.

Do I judge inwardly? Yes, but it doesn't mean I'll pass it on. Most people do so I'm not uncomfortable with them doing the same.

Why are people so concerned with thoughts of complete strangers they will have only a fleeting moment with in their life?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I listen, consider and use their viewpoint if I feel it’s appropriate.

Sometimes we just have to agree to disagree. Or admit our view point isnt as multidimensional as we thought and biased.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Why are people so concerned with thoughts of complete strangers they will have only a fleeting moment with in their life?

Are you judging?

On a serious note.. something to reflect on for sure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think about why they have said it and whether there is a truth in it, no matter how partial, and try to learn. I don’t dwell on it though. Learn and move on.

I’ll also add that it often tells me more about them than it does about me.

I suppose it might be serving some agenda of theirs. "
it is often their shadow self making itself visible. A part of themselves they deny exists, disown or are simply unaware of.

Like being highly critical of others for being judgemental

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I value the judgment of people that I respect and ignore it from those I don’t. "

I learn most about myself from those I have respected the least.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

It upsets me tbh, particularly if I feel it's unwarranted. It makes me question myself massively. I still stand up for myself but internally it's incredibly hurtful.

I've had to deal with this at work recently and I don't think the environment will ever be the same again.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I value the judgment of people that I respect and ignore it from those I don’t.

I learn most about myself from those I have respected the least. "

How is that possible Doc?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It upsets me tbh, particularly if I feel it's unwarranted. It makes me question myself massively. I still stand up for myself but internally it's incredibly hurtful.

I've had to deal with this at work recently and I don't think the environment will ever be the same again. "

It must be difficult going back to the place where it happened and moving on to be able to continue working. I'm assuming it must have affected general atmosphere too?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I value the judgment of people that I respect and ignore it from those I don’t.

I learn most about myself from those I have respected the least.

How is that possible Doc?"

Because if I react that strongly to someone, there is usually a part of me I am denying. In a sense they are a mirror for me. If I think someone is a selfish twat, I am seeing my own selfishness reflected back at me. So then I can look at how I can be less selfish. If I don’t act on that knowledge I can hardly call someone else a selfish twat can I?

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

It depends.

If its something that would affect my family, then I would want to put it right. Otherwise people gossip all the time. It's upto us if we let it affect us. You get one life. Why spend it worrying about what others think.

You're a good person you know that so feel proud in that knowledge.

Jo.Xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I value the judgment of people that I respect and ignore it from those I don’t.

I learn most about myself from those I have respected the least.

How is that possible Doc?

Ah that kind of scenario.

I'm processing it as I type

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It depends.

You're a good person you know that so feel proud in that knowledge.

Jo.Xx "

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Personally I value the opinions of those important to me. Everyone else, while I'll hear them out, it doesn't hold huge amounts of importance to me. A lot of negative judgement is often born out of ignorance though so in some circumstances I quite like to challenge it simply by being myself. On here for example there is a lot of judgement about kinks which probably leads a lot of people to stay quiet about them. Personally I don't as I think its useful for people to be exposed to people with the traits they're judgemental of as their preconceived ideas are often not that accurate which is to be expected with anything you haven't experienced before. I know myself that being exposed to new groups of people has often made me reassess my assumptions.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Personally I value the opinions of those important to me. Everyone else, while I'll hear them out, it doesn't hold huge amounts of importance to me. A lot of negative judgement is often born out of ignorance though so in some circumstances I quite like to challenge it simply by being myself. On here for example there is a lot of judgement about kinks which probably leads a lot of people to stay quiet about them. Personally I don't as I think its useful for people to be exposed to people with the traits they're judgemental of as their preconceived ideas are often not that accurate which is to be expected with anything you haven't experienced before. I know myself that being exposed to new groups of people has often made me reassess my assumptions. "

I remember you comforting head on some assumptions about kinks several times. I admired that. Head on but with light sword.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I remember you comforting head on some assumptions about kinks several times. I admired that. Head on but with light sword.

*confronting even

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I remember you comforting head on some assumptions about kinks several times. I admired that. Head on but with light sword.

*confronting even"

Aww I like that, thank you

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Is it because we judge? Or is it our perception of the situation/person.

I’m guilty of being judgemental, I’ve yet to meet anyone who isn’t

it’s how we manage our perception of judgement out into the community around us.

It also depends on the fragility of each individual’s constitution ..... and how you/we/they cope with being judged, whatever the reason

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends who is judging me.

It depends how the judgement is expressed.

And it depends what time of the month it is

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"It depends who is judging me.

It depends how the judgement is expressed.

And it depends what time of the month it is

Indeed! Lol I got caught up in your judgement- turns out it was PMT!

phew!

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By *ewkesbury cowboyMan
over a year ago

Tewkesbury

"I have done and standing up for myself made it worse to a point where I did sulk a little now I just ignore it too many self righteous judgemental twats out there to take on all at once

Why was it worse? Regrets?"

It didn't stop them it made them want to do it more. According to them me standing up for myself is the funniest thing they saw in years

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"It upsets me tbh, particularly if I feel it's unwarranted. It makes me question myself massively. I still stand up for myself but internally it's incredibly hurtful.

I've had to deal with this at work recently and I don't think the environment will ever be the same again.

It must be difficult going back to the place where it happened and moving on to be able to continue working. I'm assuming it must have affected general atmosphere too?

I'm off until Thursday now, yesterday was ok. I might make my general manager aware of the situation when I next see her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/06/20 13:45:13]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It depends who is judging me.

It depends how the judgement is expressed.

And it depends what time of the month it is

Indeed! Lol I got caught up in your judgement- turns out it was PMT!

phew! "

You're safe today

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It depends who is judging me.

It depends how the judgement is expressed.

And it depends what time of the month it is

Indeed! Lol I got caught up in your judgement- turns out it was PMT!

phew!

You're safe today

Is the anger over then can you sit on my face now then

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Don't care what people think about me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't care what people think about me."
I always find this statement interesting. Opinion not a judgement!

Is this a good way to be? I mean if youre lacking a moral compass or exhibit poor traits, surely hearing a few consistent comments may help? Otherwise you end up being a Donald Trumesque figure? Completely oblivious?

An element of scrutiny and the dreaded c word isn't always so bad. Criticism.

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"Depends who they come from and in what regard I hold that person

Sometimes I can shrug off other times it wounds deeply

Im tougher than I used to be, a few knocks gives you that but I still take things to heart

What about you OP?

Jo x

So you are willing to listen? "

Tough one... Sometimes. More and more so as I get older and dare I suggest wiser. Still not as much as I should of course.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I like to know a judgemental view about me or my activities, purely because I like to know other peoples thoughts are on what I deem as normal from a psychological view, this often leads to some interesting debates in which I know both of us will grow

I do judge but I strive to see it from their point of view as well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I like to know a judgemental view about me or my activities, purely because I like to know other peoples thoughts are on what I deem as normal from a psychological view, this often leads to some interesting debates in which I know both of us will grow

I do judge but I strive to see it from their point of view as well "

I guess there's a fine line between having an opinion and being judgemental? And in any case is passing judgement wrong as long as you don't act with prejudice and perhaps leave your own values at the door?

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By *artyanna16200TV/TS
over a year ago

leeds

Give less of a fuck, what someone elses opinion is of you is none of your goddamn business! , everyone has a reason for saying what they do, thats their problem, if you choose to take it personally ,thats yours. So thank them, and move on with a whistle, and ne,er a backward glance! X

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By *ewsub4dommeMan
over a year ago

thirsk

opinions are like assholes, everyone has one

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By *artyanna16200TV/TS
over a year ago

leeds

I just think if its a home truth from a friend, your breath smells, stop eating all my breakaway biscuits while im at work or ill skin you alive, then youll obviously accept it as an issue to remedy or a weird time travelling message from doc and marty! Anyone fancy a wagon wheel!

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I do judge but I strive to see it from their point of view as well

Yes I think there is a very fine line and delivery is key to how it is perceived

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends if they matter or not. If the do matter then I'll fix it, if not then they can fix it.......

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is it because we judge? Or is it our perception of the situation/person.

I’m guilty of being judgemental, I’ve yet to meet anyone who isn’t

it’s how we manage our perception of judgement out into the community around us.

It also depends on the fragility of each individual’s constitution ..... and how you/we/they cope with being judged, whatever the reason "

Maybe there is too much guilt attached to it. Because as others pointed out it doesnt have to be negative. Guilty of looking at it that way myself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It depends who is judging me.

It depends how the judgement is expressed.

And it depends what time of the month it is

I like this breakdown.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have done and standing up for myself made it worse to a point where I did sulk a little now I just ignore it too many self righteous judgemental twats out there to take on all at once

Why was it worse? Regrets?

It didn't stop them it made them want to do it more. According to them me standing up for myself is the funniest thing they saw in years "

That sounds bit bullying like?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm off until Thursday now, yesterday was ok. I might make my general manager aware of the situation when I next see her. "

It's good you have time and space to digest it and come up with the right words to take it further. All the best.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Don't care what people think about me."

Not in the slightest ? What about people who matter?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I care what my friends and family think of me. I’m very lucky with the people in my life, they’re never judgemental in a malicious way. Only if I’m acting out of character, they will raise it with me out of concern.

If someone who doesn’t have a significant role in my life says something about me, that’s not really my business. I don’t believe in the ‘if you’ve got something to say, say it to my face’ attitude. I don’t see the point. I would rather not know, it won’t matter to me.

The only exception to this would be, if lots of people thought badly of me because of a specific trait that was negatively impacting others. Then I would want to know so I could change it. I would hate to think I was upsetting others without realising it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends on who it is; I try to be decent with those close to me, be it friends or family.

Those that you meet through professional reasons then you do your best, be professional and expect them to be likewise.

My granny had a brilliant phrase- ‘those that matter don’t mind, those that mind don’t matter.’

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

Only sometimes if matters to me if I'm feeling vulnerable or if I feel their judgement affects the flow of life or my relationship with them. Then I might want to address the situation.

Most judgements are a projection. I am the one that knows me the best and if I invite some one to comment on me, I will listen. Otherwise... I have no time for when others may judge me harshly or wrongly.

I have had experience of being massively wrongly judged. It was very painful at the time but I learnt lots about letting go and trusting myself as opposed to feeling the need to defend myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate anyone judging me when they don't know me. It hurts alot. It shouldn't because they don't know me but it still does. X

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I'm off until Thursday now, yesterday was ok. I might make my general manager aware of the situation when I next see her.

It's good you have time and space to digest it and come up with the right words to take it further. All the best.

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We don't judge. Full stop. We have our preferences, if someone doesn't meet our "criteria" for want of a better word, it's thanks but no thanks. We'd expect the same back. End of the day, we are just another faceless profile on here. If we don't float someone's boat, we'd expect a block and move on. It's not worth getting upset over

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Don't care what people think about me. I always find this statement interesting. Opinion not a judgement!

An element of scrutiny and the dreaded c word isn't always so bad. Criticism. "

The line is so thin though. And we dont know what recipient is going through.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I do judge but I strive to see it from their point of view as well "

As long as you have all the information, the judgement or forming opinion can be a fair and needed to grow process.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't ask the permission to love so I absolutely don't care about what other think of me (to a certain extent because of course it can be argued that we all do somehow)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I do judge but I strive to see it from their point of view as well

Snap. I said similar in my previous comment to what you wrote!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Give less of a fuck, what someone elses opinion is of you is none of your goddamn business! , everyone has a reason for saying what they do, thats their problem, if you choose to take it personally ,thats yours. So thank them, and move on with a whistle, and ne,er a backward glance! X"

I like that you said thank them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depends if they matter or not. If the do matter then I'll fix it, if not then they can fix it.......

Fix what?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I didn't ask the permission to love so I absolutely don't care about what other think of me (to a certain extent because of course it can be argued that we all do somehow) "

It was supposed to say to live! Even my autocorrect doesn't respect me anymore haha

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don’t believe in the ‘if you’ve got something to say, say it to my face’ attitude. I don’t see the point. I would rather not know, it won’t matter to me.

I really liked your input Jamie. Especially this paragraph. Drawing an invisible wall appeals to my mind.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Depends who is judging me and makes it known they are judging me.

If it was someone who i respected, admired, liked, was fond of, then i’d probably be more bothered than if it was someone who had no impact on my day to day life.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It depends on who it is; I try to be decent with those close to me, be it friends or family.

Those that you meet through professional reasons then you do your best, be professional and expect them to be likewise.

My granny had a brilliant phrase- ‘those that matter don’t mind, those that mind don’t matter.’"

By making it matter, we give power to the ones who offer their judgement, whether positive or negative.. isnt it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Only sometimes if matters to me if I'm feeling vulnerable or if I feel their judgement affects the flow of life or my relationship with them. Then I might want to address the situation.

I have had experience of being massively wrongly judged. It was very painful at the time but I learnt lots about letting go and trusting myself as opposed to feeling the need to defend myself.

I'm really sorry about your experience. I always liked your analogue of riding through difficulties like waves. It's been helpful to me on personal level.

Also.. the projection comment! That struck me. After all if we judge, what we say is not an universal truth, just expression of opinion based on our experiences I guess?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I hate anyone judging me when they don't know me. It hurts alot. It shouldn't because they don't know me but it still does. X"

Hugs. Setting the guards in your mind is not an easy task.. x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We don't judge. Full stop. We have our preferences, if someone doesn't meet our "criteria" for want of a better word, it's thanks but no thanks. We'd expect the same back. End of the day, we are just another faceless profile on here. If we don't float someone's boat, we'd expect a block and move on. It's not worth getting upset over "

I was thinking about life in general. Not necessarily narrowing it to fab chapter

I dont think you are faceless as a side note. We arent cyber sex robots. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I didn't ask the permission to love so I absolutely don't care about what other think of me (to a certain extent because of course it can be argued that we all do somehow)

It was supposed to say to live! Even my autocorrect doesn't respect me anymore haha "

I worked it out. Dont worry

No permission to live.. so no blessing to style of life needed..

But how you live impacts others, no?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depends who is judging me and makes it known they are judging me.

If it was someone who i respected, admired, liked, was fond of, then i’d probably be more bothered than if it was someone who had no impact on my day to day life."

It's good boundaries to have.

These random comments shouldn't change how you value yourself.

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Soul searching - Judgement