FabSwingers.com forum: What's the least offensive option??

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Genuine question... If I get too many messages to reply to (as lots of women will), what is the better way to handle the ones I don't have time to respond to? What's least offensive?

1. Open the message, read it, appreciate it... but not reply

2. Leave it unopened, then eventually delete

3. Another option??

Personally I'd like to read the messages, but I'm afraid if I read and don't respond it will come over as rude. And I'm honestly not meaning to be rude. I obviously do reply to as many as I can.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Leave it and deal with it when you have time x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Leave it and deal with it when you have time x"

But you can only see the most recent 75 messages, so if I leave it, it will eventually be lost into the ether!

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By *oan of DArcCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Leave it and deal with it when you have time x

But you can only see the most recent 75 messages, so if I leave it, it will eventually be lost into the ether!"

...in which case you can't be blamed!

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By *hemanwithnoname38Man
over a year ago

Wellington

"Genuine question... If I get too many messages to reply to (as lots of women will), what is the better way to handle the ones I don't have time to respond to? What's least offensive?

1. Open the message, read it, appreciate it... but not reply

2. Leave it unopened, then eventually delete

3. Another option??

Personally I'd like to read the messages, but I'm afraid if I read and don't respond it will come over as rude. And I'm honestly not meaning to be rude. I obviously do reply to as many as I can."

Speaking as a man who gets very little correspondence. I would say either the first 2. If the picture entices you Then read and if the message doesn’t then delete. If neither delete without reading.

I don’t think you will be rude. The genuine males understand how many messages you will get and will be ok. If you get nasty messages in response then case proven.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

None. People will always take offence at something. Damned if you do, damned if you don't lol.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Usually if I haven't responded within say a week, I bulk delete. If the person chooses to message me again and I see it then I will respond x

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By *hemanwithnoname38Man
over a year ago

Wellington

"Usually if I haven't responded within say a week, I bulk delete. If the person chooses to message me again and I see it then I will respond x"

Oh... now that’s an eye opener

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been on here to learn that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. You ignore.. they swear at you... you reply thanks but no thanks.. they swearat you lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's true, most unread messages aren't because we are rejecting the guy, more Judd that we haven't seen the message as it's fallen off the bottom of the inbox. Unless you've been told no thanks, I don't see the harm in messaging again!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've been on here to learn that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. You ignore.. they swear at you... you reply thanks but no thanks.. they swearat you lol"

This is quite true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Speaking as a man I just presume I’m not going to get a reply, if i do that’s just a bonus. I wouldn’t over think it, you don’t owe anyone a reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Probably read it and don’t answer. Then I know msgs been read and I know where I stand, and I won’t message again.

Unopened or bulk deletes you don’t know, and if re-send seems pushy?

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

The problem isn't you being 'offensive'; you aren't.

The problem is people being offended by rejection.

I don't know the answer to that, though...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’re probably in the top 5 hottest women on fab, so most blokes must know they’re not going to get a reply.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Read and delete. If you start worrying about what people you don't know and will never meet think about you, you will spend all your time answering messages.

Read and delete is a clear "no thanks" if you write something similar on your profile you'll be covered

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just ignore and do a mass delete...

It's only statistics

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps more effective use of the filters, or blocking men whilst you clear the backlog?

There is no obligation to reply, just hit delete and move on to the next profile. We aren't snowflakes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s in the site FAQs that a no-reply is a polite no thank you. I use that as a guideline and hope they read the FAQs and know that I’m not being rude.

Although, not everyone will read them, so some will assume I’m being rude which is something I can’t really help unfortunately

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By *hemanwithnoname38Man
over a year ago

Wellington

"It's true, most unread messages aren't because we are rejecting the guy, more Judd that we haven't seen the message as it's fallen off the bottom of the inbox. Unless you've been told no thanks, I don't see the harm in messaging again!"

That is a good point. I have never thought about messaging again especially as it warns you that you have already sent 1 and I always thought it would be too pushy. Hmmm interesting...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s in the site FAQs that a no-reply is a polite no thank you. I use that as a guideline and hope they read the FAQs and know that I’m not being rude.

Although, not everyone will read them, so some will assume I’m being rude which is something I can’t really help unfortunately "

This is where things get complicated.

We got one person saying ignore/polite no thanks.

Then we got another person saying to message a second time if nothing the first time.

There needs to be some consistency across the board IMO

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"Genuine question... If I get too many messages to reply to (as lots of women will), what is the better way to handle the ones I don't have time to respond to? What's least offensive?

1. Open the message, read it, appreciate it... but not reply

2. Leave it unopened, then eventually delete

3. Another option??

Personally I'd like to read the messages, but I'm afraid if I read and don't respond it will come over as rude. And I'm honestly not meaning to be rude. I obviously do reply to as many as I can."

For what it's worth, we know you're going to get snowed under with mails, getting a reply would be a bonus. But seeing a previous gf get stressed about not being able to reply to all, it eventually took the fun out of it for her. So I'd just bulk delete as and when needed. We can understand what's going on.

And as others have said, stunning profile and pics madame!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s in the site FAQs that a no-reply is a polite no thank you. I use that as a guideline and hope they read the FAQs and know that I’m not being rude.

Although, not everyone will read them, so some will assume I’m being rude which is something I can’t really help unfortunately

This is where things get complicated.

We got one person saying ignore/polite no thanks.

Then we got another person saying to message a second time if nothing the first time.

There needs to be some consistency across the board IMO"

Where there's opinion there will never be consistency.

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By *oan of DArcCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

"It’s in the site FAQs that a no-reply is a polite no thank you. I use that as a guideline and hope they read the FAQs and know that I’m not being rude.

Although, not everyone will read them, so some will assume I’m being rude which is something I can’t really help unfortunately

This is where things get complicated.

We got one person saying ignore/polite no thanks.

Then we got another person saying to message a second time if nothing the first time.

There needs to be some consistency across the board IMO"

..presumably it'll be deleted the second time by people who don't want to receive repeat messages

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Just bulk delete every few days , if you haven’t read it in 2-4 days it wasn’t worth it, even extremely busy girls reply quick to the messages that catch their eye. I do the same with email, if it’s important they will try again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When my filters are off - it's rare I have a lot of mail. The ones I don't reply to I delete without guilt.

Sometime I type on my profile, I don't reply to all....

If people don't read or ignore that, it isn't really my problem.

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By *isces WomanWoman
over a year ago

West London

My polite message is thanks but no thanks. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think it depends on the message maybe? If the message is a compliment, and I read and don't reply, it doesn't mean I'm not interested, just that I'm swamped with messages.

But if the message asks for a meet and I read and don't reply, that definitely means a polite no thank you, as per the site rules.

It's more the compliment messages - I'm grateful for them, but don't want to be rude either.

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By *ohnjones3210Man
over a year ago

Chester

"Genuine question... If I get too many messages to reply to (as lots of women will), what is the better way to handle the ones I don't have time to respond to? What's least offensive?

1. Open the message, read it, appreciate it... but not reply

2. Leave it unopened, then eventually delete

3. Another option??

Personally I'd like to read the messages, but I'm afraid if I read and don't respond it will come over as rude. And I'm honestly not meaning to be rude. I obviously do reply to as many as I can."

Hi,

It depends on the demeanor of the man in question. For me, I'm happy if a woman says "Thanks for your message but I'm not interested.". I find that to be the most polite way. I have more respect for a woman who's like that.

I do not like being ignored. If my message gets deleted without a reply, I block the woman.

The thing is though, for many men, they can't handle rejection, and they get offensive when they're rejected.

So, the bottom line; If the guy is self respecting, simply reply with a "you're not for me" type message. If the guy is a bit of a prick, it's better to ignore.

How do you know who is who? By the quality of the message.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Genuine question... If I get too many messages to reply to (as lots of women will), what is the better way to handle the ones I don't have time to respond to? What's least offensive?

1. Open the message, read it, appreciate it... but not reply

2. Leave it unopened, then eventually delete

3. Another option??

Personally I'd like to read the messages, but I'm afraid if I read and don't respond it will come over as rude. And I'm honestly not meaning to be rude. I obviously do reply to as many as I can.

Hi,

I do not like being ignored. If my message gets deleted without a reply, I block the woman.

The thing is though, for many men, they can't handle rejection, and they get offensive when they're rejected.

So, the bottom line; If the guy is self respecting, simply reply with a "you're not for me" type message. If the guy is a bit of a prick, it's better to ignore.

How do you know who is who? By the quality of the message.

But it takes a long time to write a no thank you message when you get lots and lots of messages... Most result in a reply asking why, or an insult. Seems it's a no win situation!

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

If you want to read it then read it. It's a message to you after all. It's not your fault if you have so many you don't have time to respond. Guys will just have to put on their big-boys pants and accept it if they don't get a reply.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If you want to read it then read it. It's a message to you after all. It's not your fault if you have so many you don't have time to respond. Guys will just have to put on their big-boys pants and accept it if they don't get a reply. "

Best response yet, thank you. I do want to read them!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never expected a reply. We all know you ladies get loads of messages.

I send a message because i want to, a reply is an absolute bonus.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

The site states that no reply = no interest, and no message is guaranteed a reply, whether unsolicited or not. I appreciate you don't want to appear rude but if all of us know the fab guidance, trying to predict everyones unique interpretation is impossible.

People are unwise to be tracking messages that they have sent, which allows them to focus on the inbox content they have instead.

It's good to find the way that best helps you to manage your messages imo. I've given up trying to do things a perceived right way and just take it as it comes. I've used the set to unread, where unsure. Block and delete as a management chore is largely better for keeping it from being a full time job for a PA, which I don't have. I'm genuinely really slow overall and just do what I can.

Some people will always wonder and imagine the ins and outs of it. They can but I am just respectful and mean well, whatever.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Read, mark as unread, delete

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I've never expected a reply. We all know you ladies get loads of messages.

I send a message because i want to, a reply is an absolute bonus.

Speaking of bonus....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you’ve read some OP delete them and the ones that fell off the bottom of the page will reappear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The sad truth is that no matter what you decide to do you will get abuse either way. So do whatever is easiest for you. You don't owe anyone anything just because they sent you a message.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Genuine question... If I get too many messages to reply to (as lots of women will), what is the better way to handle the ones I don't have time to respond to? What's least offensive?

1. Open the message, read it, appreciate it... but not reply

2. Leave it unopened, then eventually delete

3. Another option??

Personally I'd like to read the messages, but I'm afraid if I read and don't respond it will come over as rude. And I'm honestly not meaning to be rude. I obviously do reply to as many as I can.

Hi,

I do not like being ignored. If my message gets deleted without a reply, I block the woman.

The thing is though, for many men, they can't handle rejection, and they get offensive when they're rejected.

So, the bottom line; If the guy is self respecting, simply reply with a "you're not for me" type message. If the guy is a bit of a prick, it's better to ignore.

How do you know who is who? By the quality of the message.

But it takes a long time to write a no thank you message when you get lots and lots of messages... Most result in a reply asking why, or an insult. Seems it's a no win situation!"

Seriously I'm sorry to say this - but I think you're going to have to bite the bullet a bit. To really survive the intensity of your mail box.

A compliment shouldn't guarantee a reply.

If you are looking for a certain something, you should focus on that!

Sorry if that comes across as blunt!

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By *rre786Man
over a year ago

Reading

Personally, I prefer a message is read and deleted as a sign on no interest. Clearer and less ambiguous than being left unread or unresponded (where it is clear from the other responses on this thread that a non-response isn't always an indication of no interest

I will say that I was very grateful to OP for responding to my message. But I take that as the exception rather than the rule.

There is never just cause to be rude, whether you receive a reply or not, imho.

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