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Becoming a dom?

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By *ouple o peeps OP   Couple
over a year ago

London

So I'm guessing we're both fairly vanilla but I think I would definitely like to be a lot more submissive (in the bedroom only ??). We wouldn't want at this stage (& under current circumstances) to involve a third person so this means hubby will be my dom.

What we wondered if the collective could share stories how they became dom/sub & tips that could help us try something new. You don't know till you try ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I changed my name using Deed Poll. Now I'm a Dom I get a thrill every time I drive to Durham. I feel like I can do anything I want.

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By *atenaWoman
over a year ago

Hyde


"I changed my name using Deed Poll. Now I'm a Dom I get a thrill every time I drive to Durham. I feel like I can do anything I want."

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You certainly don't know until you try. Have a chat about how you'd like to do things and take it from there. There's a questionnaire on line that can help, it's called mojo upgrade.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I changed my name using Deed Poll. Now I'm a Dom I get a thrill every time I drive to Durham. I feel like I can do anything I want. "

I'm used to that response. But I continue being Dom.

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By *atenaWoman
over a year ago

Hyde

I don't think you can 'become' a Dom inside you... if that makes sense. You either are or aren't.

You can learn to Top and take control.... but being Dominant is a personally trait that can't be learnt.

I would suggest you read up.... learn about safety.... talk and negotiate.... talk about safe words.

What is it about being 'submissive' you desire? Can they do that for you?

I personally am submissive ... almost slave like... I'm also a huge masochist. So I LOVE to be spanked till my ass is on fire then use a paddle on me then a flogger.. a cane... I love bruises . So...I need to be paired with a sadist.

Bdsm is all about communication..... so start there and take it slowly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We would suggest some joint background reading on the subject first, Screw the roses, send me the thorns is an excellent book on both D/s dynamics and bdsm.

In normal circumstances going to a munch (social) on the fetish scene is a must, they may restart once the pubs are open again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We would suggest some joint background reading on the subject first, Screw the roses, send me the thorns is an excellent book on both D/s dynamics and bdsm.

In normal circumstances going to a munch (social) on the fetish scene is a must, they may restart once the pubs are open again"

Seconded - read, read read. Then find out what specifically you're interested in trying, then read some more. Munches can be hit or miss depending on the local community and how well it polices "undesirables", mind. For couples it's probably a lot better than for singles though.

This sounds boring though, so I would honestly start with discussing what you want to do practically. Share fantasies, discuss how you would try them out and go from there. Maybe a spanking session? Or some light bondage? maybe you want to try submitting by having some rules set out, with punishments for breaking them? Whatever takes your fancy - and once you have found something mutual to try, read about it!

Finally, I'd note that some people just aren't cut out to be doms. This is not a slight - like with anything else, if someone feels pressured to be something they're not, something bad inevitably happens. So reassure your partner that while you want them to try, if they don't enjoy dominating you that isn't bad and it doesn't reflect badly on them. This is really important because feelings of inadequacy are poisonous to relationships (and if you already know and are doing this then I'm sorry to patronise you!)

Enjoy though! It's meant to be fun, and it is fun

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By *aramel09Woman
over a year ago

fraserburgh


"I don't think you can 'become' a Dom inside you... if that makes sense. You either are or aren't.

You can learn to Top and take control.... but being Dominant is a personally trait that can't be learnt.

I would suggest you read up.... learn about safety.... talk and negotiate.... talk about safe words.

What is it about being 'submissive' you desire? Can they do that for you?

I personally am submissive ... almost slave like... I'm also a huge masochist. So I LOVE to be spanked till my ass is on fire then use a paddle on me then a flogger.. a cane... I love bruises . So...I need to be paired with a sadist.

Bdsm is all about communication..... so start there and take it slowly "

Brilliant response !! All about self education nobody can teach u all about kink and everyone is different

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By *aramel09Woman
over a year ago

fraserburgh


"We would suggest some joint background reading on the subject first, Screw the roses, send me the thorns is an excellent book on both D/s dynamics and bdsm.

In normal circumstances going to a munch (social) on the fetish scene is a must, they may restart once the pubs are open again

Seconded - read, read read. Then find out what specifically you're interested in trying, then read some more. Munches can be hit or miss depending on the local community and how well it polices "undesirables", mind. For couples it's probably a lot better than for singles though.

This sounds boring though, so I would honestly start with discussing what you want to do practically. Share fantasies, discuss how you would try them out and go from there. Maybe a spanking session? Or some light bondage? maybe you want to try submitting by having some rules set out, with punishments for breaking them? Whatever takes your fancy - and once you have found something mutual to try, read about it!

Finally, I'd note that some people just aren't cut out to be doms. This is not a slight - like with anything else, if someone feels pressured to be something they're not, something bad inevitably happens. So reassure your partner that while you want them to try, if they don't enjoy dominating you that isn't bad and it doesn't reflect badly on them. This is really important because feelings of inadequacy are poisonous to relationships (and if you already know and are doing this then I'm sorry to patronise you!)

Enjoy though! It's meant to be fun, and it is fun "

your getting some good advice here keep it up

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By *atenaWoman
over a year ago

Hyde


"

Brilliant response !! All about self education nobody can teach u all about kink and everyone is different "

Thank youuuuuuuuuu

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By *ouple o peeps OP   Couple
over a year ago

London

Thanks all for the advice, we'll start reading up. Thanks again.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I would suggest using the forum search facility on Fab to look up "dom" as this subject comes up every other week and there is a wealth of good information that has not been archived.

Also ignore people that say people are either dominant or not. This is a confusion between being assertive and being dominant.

Being dominant comes in all flavours and generally different from the stereotype.

In any case most people when starting are not looking for domination as a lifestyle but someone to top them. Topping skills can be safely learnt as I know of submissives who safely top other submissives.

Good luck

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By *aramel09Woman
over a year ago

fraserburgh


"

Brilliant response !! All about self education nobody can teach u all about kink and everyone is different

Thank youuuuuuuuuu "

No probs x

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