FabSwingers.com forum: Being Childless

By *ip2 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Maidenhead

Is anyone else noticing the feeling of never having had any children at the moment? Have you felt it before and if so how did you deal with it?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never wanted children.

I want the Hallmark cards, movie version of them - but not real life ones

On a serious note I'm sure it's hard if its something you want but can't have for whatever reason.

But I guess its like many things in life - its a path that people are expected to take.

It doesn't mean there aren't other paths to follow.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By * Sophie xTV/TS
over a year ago

Derby

I also chose never to have children although for 12 years I was a stepdad to 3 of them.

Did I make the right decision? For me absolutely and no matter how much my mum wanted grandchildren or others said I'd make a good dad, I know i did the right thing for me and for any potential kids I could have had.

Yes I get judged for it and have had all the same conversations others like me will have had, how I'm selfish, how I'm going to grow old being lonely and the rest.

Honestly its the best choice I ever made for me along with never getting married and like hell do I feel lonely or wrong for my decision.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

No. It's not something I wanted and it's something I actively prevent.

But I have empathy for those who wanted to and could not. I think world events bring a lot of emotional issues to the foreground.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I thought I would have a family with my ex partner but it never happened before we split up. Since then I've not had a serious relationship so I don't think of having children. Perhaps it's not meant to be.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes people choose to have children and other times that choice is taken away from them.

Either way, it's not the end of the world. As someone said earlier, you've just chosen or been forced to take another path. Neither is the right or wrong path - don't feel you have to do anything about it (unless you want to of course).

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm 30 and I have no children as of yet, and I don't plan to have any for a good few years yet. Something I'm really glad of during lockdown as they would've driven me batty by now.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope. Never wanted children and don’t think I ever will. But each to their own.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *agan_PairCouple
over a year ago

portchester

We took the decision to remain child free and seeing people at work at the moment and how badly they are coping at the moment have totally reinforced that decision for me... I could not think of anything worse right now

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never wanted kids and with the present events I am gland I make that decision

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bcums3Couple
over a year ago

lanarkshire

Always wanted kids, never expected 2 have them 9yrs apart...that’s been the hardest.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always thought I would have children, being one of four siblings.

I just never met the right man in my 20s and early 30s that I would have wanted to have them with.

Did consider IVF at 36 but life chucked a curveball at me and it never happened.

I feel bad for my mum as she doesn't see her other grandchildren much and would have been a big part in any that I would have had.

So yes I do sometimes now feel an emptiness but I guess things must happen for a reason.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't want children untill i had one and everything changes when they are born, before she came along i would always say i didn't want children ever, but now i wouldn't go back, each to their own though

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Theres no right or wrong answer here. If having children isnt for you, thats great and your choice. If youre unable to, then i hope you find peace with that and are happy with a million other blessings.

I will say, being a mum in lockdown, for me, has been a pleasure. They can occasionally drive me mad, but i love them more than life

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We took the decision to remain child free and seeing people at work at the moment and how badly they are coping at the moment have totally reinforced that decision for me... I could not think of anything worse right now "

A friend and I at work this week who have adult children (21yrs) living at home, both said we’d have gone mad if our kids were at primary school age during the lockdown

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reat me rightWoman
over a year ago

Rotherham

I had my lo when I was near enough 38. I'd wanted kids forever- even had their names picked out as you do. Never happened and I thought it never would. Then I met the ex and the rest is history. She will be my only one because I'm now an old fart and I regret that for her more than anything. She has a half sibling and step siblings though. Home schooling has been the biggest battle so I have closed down for a few days. That said, she is my greatest achievement and the love of my life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I never wanted kids, didn't play with dolls as a child, never felt broody. I couldn't have them anyway until my late 30's. However I did decide that if I ever changed my mind that I would adopt, but I never did change my mind.

I admire people who do it but its never been for me. Am I selfish? Hell yes! Will I die lonely with no family to look after me? Probably yes, but that's no reason to have kids. For me there were many many more cons than pros to having them. People say that you change once you have one, but some parents don't, and I didn't want to risk being a bad parent. I honestly don't think I would be cut out to be a good parent.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is anyone else noticing the feeling of never having had any children at the moment? Have you felt it before and if so how did you deal with it?"

There's always time for men, my dad was 60 odd when I was born... must of be a stud muffin

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elma and ShaggyCouple
over a year ago

Bedworth

As someone who spent 15 years trying to have a child, suffered recurrent miscarriages and secondary infertility and has been unable to have children, it’s something that never leaves me. It’s always there in the back of mind every single day

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I never wanted kids, didn't play with dolls as a child, never felt broody. I couldn't have them anyway until my late 30's. However I did decide that if I ever changed my mind that I would adopt, but I never did change my mind.

I know quite a few people that regret having children.

They say they love them and I believe them - but if they had the chance again they wouldn't have had them.

It's not something you can take back.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never had, never wanted.

I do think about it a lot but it just reaffirms my decision.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know quite a few people that regret having children.

They say they love them and I believe them - but if they had the chance again they wouldn't have had them.

It's not something you can take back.

That's so sad.

It's a huge commitment to bring a child into the world, not one I'm willing to make.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *DW1983Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen, Leeds, Sheffield

I've never wanted them either. I've heard the same things, that I'll be lonely when I get old, that it's different when they're yours, etc. It just doesn't interest me in the slightest though. I have nothing to offer them, wouldn't enjoy having them, don't enjoy being around children, and think there are enough of them in the world already so there's no need for me to create any more.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"As someone who spent 15 years trying to have a child, suffered recurrent miscarriages and secondary infertility and has been unable to have children, it’s something that never leaves me. It’s always there in the back of mind every single day"

Big hugs xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eoeclipseWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

"I know quite a few people that regret having children.

They say they love them and I believe them - but if they had the chance again they wouldn't have had them.

It's not something you can take back.

That's me, 2 kids decade apart both for wrong reasons & just makes life harder as the dads are no where to be seen, very little support too.

To the point, I can't work until god knows when since schools are only going back part time.

I wouldn't do it again & it's also why I'm sterilised now....never again, my spirit is wild & free but trapped.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rettyGreenWoman
over a year ago

watton

I have a son woth my previous partner. I was young, i dont regret my decision of being a teenage mother (i was 19 when i gave birth) ive been with my current partner for 7.5years and he doesnt want his own kids.

Completely fine by me. Hes been there for my kid since before he was 2. Hes done it all with me. He loves my kid like his own. But damn if i hadnt of had my son when i was young, i wouldn't be having kids now.

I get my childfree time. And i honestly couldn't cope without that! Coming from a "broken home" isnt as bad as everyone makes out!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never had kids, never wanted them at any time in my life and let's face it, with this fucked up world we've probably done them a favour by not bringing them into it...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

I could have easily not had kids. But now I have them, they are the best things in my life.

I don't understand the lockdown would be terrible with kids brigade. Why would anyone hate spending time with their own kids?! Yeah they're hard work but anything worth doing is.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eoeclipseWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

"I could have easily not had kids. But now I have them, they are the best things in my life.

I don't understand the lockdown would be terrible with kids brigade. Why would anyone hate spending time with their own kids?! Yeah they're hard work but anything worth doing is. "

Personally, I wouldn't expect a man to understand they are rarely the main or sole caregiver & certainly get more time away than women do, be that at work, socialising or in the man cave etc. Even a single man get more support than a single woman does typically.

Put it this way been doing this since 15! So they are my entire life & have given up everything for them, they go almost every where with me.

Kids are difficult especially when they have mental disorders like adhd, autism etc...it's draining with little to no breaks, my youngest only went to sleep an hour ago! So personally I don't get even some of the evening free.

Don't vilify people for not wanting to spend time with their kids permanently, we all need a break & some want to live life to the full not spend their lives cleaning up after small people, listening to constant whining/talking/vying and being able to go do things when they want & how they want.

Put it this way, both my sisters seen how hard it was/is for me & decided not to have any of their own. They weren't a support base either.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely love not having kids. Best decision.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

"Is anyone else noticing the feeling of never having had any children at the moment? Have you felt it before and if so how did you deal with it?"

Having had three I don't seem to get that feeling very often. Luke

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know quite a few people that regret having children.

They say they love them and I believe them - but if they had the chance again they wouldn't have had them.

It's not something you can take back.

That's me, 2 kids decade apart both for wrong reasons & just makes life harder as the dads are no where to be seen, very little support too.

To the point, I can't work until god knows when since schools are only going back part time.

I wouldn't do it again & it's also why I'm sterilised now....never again, my spirit is wild & free but trapped. "

Hugs to you x

So many people won't admit they regret having their kids.

And are genuinely surprised when they are born at how difficult it is.

Being a parent doesn’t come naturally for a lot of people.

I never had that broody feeling and don't enjoy being around children.

I'm finally at an age now where people have stopped asking me when I'm going to have them

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think the pendulum has swung somewhat and some of the difficulty of having kids has become a new taboo.

I think care should be taken in how people talk, lest children think badly of themselves because their parents struggle. I'm not thinking of "should be seen and not heard". But everyone here should be able to convey and work through their feelings.

With the occasional exception of medical care, I'm fortunate that the downside of "don't want kids" is just family up in my business.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

Child-less

Child-free?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Child-less

Child-free?

The two are often equated and they're really not equal. It's not good for anyone.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand

I’m really happy being childless as I never wanted one. I believe you cannot feel the lacking if you haven’t had one before either, so no, never felt the need

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Child-less

Child-free?

The two are often equated and they're really not equal. It's not good for anyone."

They're not equal at all. For a long time I was child free, and glad of it as I wouldn't want to be tied to any of my exes forever. The last few years I've definitely been child-less and the pain of 10 miscarriages has finally come in to roost.

But that's life. It's a bit pants most of the time, and I'm lucky that I've got nephews and "nieces" to keep me in minipeep cuddles. Usually, virus permitting

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ip2 OP Man
over a year ago

Near Maidenhead

So sorry... Thank you for sharing your moving testimony.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Child-less

Child-free?

The two are often equated and they're really not equal. It's not good for anyone.

But that's life. It's a bit pants most of the time, and I'm lucky that I've got nephews and "nieces" to keep me in minipeep cuddles. Usually, virus permitting "

Big hugs.

I'm childfree and believe I'll remain so, but, I support you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've looked after many kids in my younger years but never felt broody.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Child-less

Child-free?

The two are often equated and they're really not equal. It's not good for anyone.

But that's life. It's a bit pants most of the time, and I'm lucky that I've got nephews and "nieces" to keep me in minipeep cuddles. Usually, virus permitting

Big hugs.

I'm childfree and believe I'll remain so, but, I support you."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One child is fine but some people have 3/4, that's my worse nightmare.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he_virgin_maryWoman
over a year ago

Here, there and everywhere!

I've never actually not wanted kids but also never ever felt really maternal either so I'm now at a point where unless they happen in the next couple of years it's not going to.

I'm happy with my niece coming over but glad I can hand her back!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eoeclipseWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

So sorry... Thank you for sharing your moving testimony."

You still have a chance to be a mum, there are lots of adoptions needed if it can't happen for you naturally...maybe that's your destiny...to be a mum to those who have lost theirs.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I decided when I was quite young that I didn't want kids, and stiol don't to be honest, there are quite a few reasons that I don't wish to post on here. I have a nephew, and in October will have a niece also, so I het to be the cool wacky uncle

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"I could have easily not had kids. But now I have them, they are the best things in my life.

I don't understand the lockdown would be terrible with kids brigade. Why would anyone hate spending time with their own kids?! Yeah they're hard work but anything worth doing is. "

Being with my kid has been one of the best things about lockdown.

Having a kid has made me less selfish in many ways. Life doesn't just revolve around me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ngel_vs_devil33Woman
over a year ago

i’ll let you know

I have two and I knew at some point I wanted children, never thought I’d be doing on my own but that is life, yes a huge life changing commitment bringing children in to the world and even with my youngest ones health issues I wouldn’t change a thing, they have certainly kept me on my toes during lockdown, but it’s been a giggle also. Certainly wouldn’t have any more tho,

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I've never had children and at my age I won't. I never wanted to be a single parent and I guess I knew sub consciously that relationships I had in the past were never stable enough to bring kids into. When I was younger I always thought I would but I knew once I hit 40 it wouldn't happen. It is what it is and I'm happy enough at present with my life not everyone is meant to have children I guess.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"Is anyone else noticing the feeling of never having had any children at the moment? Have you felt it before and if so how did you deal with it?"

What a great question. I never wanted kids. And then the witch that became my ex forced them on me. And they have been my best achievement by miles. I'm am forever thankful. That said I've not been allowed to see much of them and that hurts. This period of isolation has been hard in so many ways... In a perfect world it would be great to have 3 months isolation to ponder the answers to life's greatest challenges... But for me and I guess for quite a few it is an emotional challenge for which we aren't very well equipped...and we have time and space to think about things that we would normally have put in a box in the filing cabinet in the storage facility right at the back of our minds. I'm guessing like all things we want but can't have, when you see the tragedies suffered by others it makes you appreciate what we do have.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Is anyone else noticing the feeling of never having had any children at the moment? Have you felt it before and if so how did you deal with it?"

I've never had and never want kids. I don't like them and it's just not something I like the idea of or see as part of my future. So I'm fine with it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *heshirefungirlWoman
over a year ago

ammanford

I've been though stages were I thought about it because society says I should, people telling me "your parents deserve grandkids","what if you regret not having them" etc

but then I know that's no reason to have them,plus I'm one of four so another sibling can give them grandkids (they have one from my older brother now)and I'd rather regret not having them than regret having them,

As me and my partner are nearly 34 and 44 and neither of us have a want or a need to become parents it's all good with us

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I've been though stages were I thought about it because society says I should, people telling me "your parents deserve grandkids","what if you regret not having them" etc

As me and my partner are nearly 34 and 44 and neither of us have a want or a need to become parents it's all good with us "

My mother demands grandchildren.

Go ask my siblings, Mum.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

They're great unless you don't like to be totally drained of your economic, emotional and physical resources during the prime of your life. In hindsight probably would have been better off sticking with a cat.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If anyone wants the borrow my little menace for a few weeks to help you change your mind.....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elma and ShaggyCouple
over a year ago

Bedworth

So sorry... Thank you for sharing your moving testimony.

You still have a chance to be a mum, there are lots of adoptions needed if it can't happen for you naturally...maybe that's your destiny...to be a mum to those who have lost theirs."

Being blunt, the whole why don’t you adopt thing really pisses me off. Most people have no idea what it entails. Adoption is not as easy as people think! My ex husband and I were turned down when we applied to adopt 10 years ago when I was 35. The reason given was that I had a credit card debt at age 19. They said that was evidence that we were not responsible with finances so not suitable to parent a child!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

So sorry... Thank you for sharing your moving testimony.

You still have a chance to be a mum, there are lots of adoptions needed if it can't happen for you naturally...maybe that's your destiny...to be a mum to those who have lost theirs.

Hugs xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *heshirefungirlWoman
over a year ago

ammanford

So sorry... Thank you for sharing your moving testimony.

You still have a chance to be a mum, there are lots of adoptions needed if it can't happen for you naturally...maybe that's your destiny...to be a mum to those who have lost theirs.

Hugs xx"

That's what gets me with adoption they but unrealistic demands on people that would be a normal part of life to someone having there own child, if you can give that child a happy safe loving home that is what matters

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I already have 2.

Youngest is 7.

The broodiness has gone mental during lockdown, but I think that has more to do with my biological clock ticking.

As a young mum, turning 30 made me think "if i want another i should do it soon"

I genuinly love being a mum

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eoeclipseWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

So sorry... Thank you for sharing your moving testimony.

You still have a chance to be a mum, there are lots of adoptions needed if it can't happen for you naturally...maybe that's your destiny...to be a mum to those who have lost theirs.

That's complete bull that they hit you with that & absolutely not a valid reason. Have they looked outside to working class families...debt is part of it all, dumbasses. It's probably a big part of the reason some kids stay in care all their days. Debt is nothing compared to what the kids experience in care....the only reason I didn't give mine up, I'd suffer before I seen them in there.

I know people get annoyed with it because the system sucks, I wasn't intending to harm, I was thinking internationally or even in a care kinda setting too at the but that's probably just as bad. Sorry.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

"Is anyone else noticing the feeling of never having had any children at the moment? Have you felt it before and if so how did you deal with it?"

No yes dont know

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread