FabSwingers.com forum: Mad shit which your parents said

By *ohnjones3210 OP Man
over a year ago

Chester

"Get down lad, y'gonna crack y'ed open.".

"Right then! Up the dancers!"

"You'll 'av someone's eye out with that!"

"Don't sit so close, you'll get square eyes."

"It's alright, jus' chuch it on the dechhh".

"I'm sikka shit stroon all over the dechhh".

Mum I can't fine such and such... "Open y'eyes then"..

Any others? Ha!

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By *ewsub4dommeMan
over a year ago

thirsk

Stop crying before i give you something to cry about

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By *histle do nicelyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow South

Ill take my hand off your face.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My Dad, "she's pregnant? How did that Happen?"

Me, "So, you take a man, and a woman....."

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

Your hair will go curly if you eat the crusts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you don't eat your crusts you won't get curly hair

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By *ed LipstickWoman
over a year ago

Fucksville

Put wood in the hole x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Break your leg and you're walking to the hospital

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

The rants about evil feminists

Telling me I'll get right wing when I grow up (plot twist: they're coming to the left now)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Was you born in a barn

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Break your leg and you're walking to the hospital "

If it's not broken, bleeding or on fire I don't want to know

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By *ewsub4dommeMan
over a year ago

thirsk

why did you stick that bead up your nose

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By *assy211279Woman
over a year ago

middle of nowhere Cornwall

Born in a barn.

( sure they would know)

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By *ewsub4dommeMan
over a year ago

thirsk

Its alright, you've got another one

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By *ohnjones3210 OP Man
over a year ago

Chester

"Break your leg and you're walking to the hospital

If it's not broken, bleeding or on fire I don't want to know"

Hahahahaha! I'd forgotten about that. That's an anti-telltale line.

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

Don't cross your eyes, if the wind blows there'll stay like that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Stop crying before i give you something to cry about "

Hahaha yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s for tea...

Shit with sugar on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whats for dinner mum?"

"Wait and see"

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By *ewsub4dommeMan
over a year ago

thirsk

if you throw up, you're cleaning it up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stop rolly-pollying down the stairs!

Don’t test your reflexes by playing with your hand and the fireplace!

And when I got older (and even now at 34!) my mum uses this :-

We didn't circumsise you for religious reasons, it was purely a matter that they look prettier and make you last longer

Thanks mum! Each time you talk about my lack of a foreskin it gets no less awkward!

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Stop rolly-pollying down the stairs!

Don’t test your reflexes by playing with your hand and the fireplace!

And when I got older (and even now at 34!) my mum uses this :-

We didn't circumsise you for religious reasons, it was purely a matter that they look prettier and make you last longer

Thanks mum! Each time you talk about my lack of a foreskin it gets no less awkward!"

If my dad mentions my conception one more time

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By *aomilatteCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

Don't swallow chewing gum, it'll wrap around your heart.

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By *ewsub4dommeMan
over a year ago

thirsk

When you're big enough you'll be too old

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the bigger they are the harder they fall"

more like the bigger they are the harder they hit you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't look at me with those eyes

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By *ohnjones3210 OP Man
over a year ago

Chester

""the bigger they are the harder they fall"

more like the bigger they are the harder they hit you!"

Haha!

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By *icplshropsCouple
over a year ago

Rock

Mother: ‘Wait until your father gets home’.

Father: ‘Eat that. It will put hair on your chest’.

Me (female): ‘but I don’t want hair on my chest!’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Break your leg and you're walking to the hospital

If it's not broken, bleeding or on fire I don't want to know"

I say that to my kids now

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

No matter how poorly I felt "get your backside into school, if you're that ill they'll send you home again"

I dread to think of how many viruses I must've spread round that school, like some little plague rat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let the dog see the rabbit.

You berk

Money don't grow on trees

It's not lady like to swear

If the wind changes your face will stay like that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where you going mum...

Going to see a man about a dog... She never brought a dog home.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"Stop crying before i give you something to cry about "

That's what my dad used to say

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"Let the dog see the rabbit.

You berk

Money don't grow on trees

It's not lady like to swear

If the wind changes your face will stay like that

Let the dog see the rabbit. What does that mean?

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

We’ll see.....

It meant no

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By *ve 63Woman
over a year ago

Newbridge

Wear clean knickers just incase you get knocked over

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If the wind changes you'll stick like that.

I say to my sons "I am your god.... I gave brought you into the world and I shall be the one to take you out of it"

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"Wear clean knickers just incase you get knocked over "

Lol..mom used to say that. I had to switch from not just turning mine inside out

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By *assy211279Woman
over a year ago

middle of nowhere Cornwall

"Don't cross your eyes, if the wind blows there'll stay like that

Wish I had not crossed mine now they don't work right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let the dog see the rabbit.

You berk

Money don't grow on trees

It's not lady like to swear

If the wind changes your face will stay like that

Let the dog see the rabbit. What does that mean?

Allow someone to see something. Normally he was trying to put the key in the door and we were in the way

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"Let the dog see the rabbit.

You berk

Money don't grow on trees

It's not lady like to swear

If the wind changes your face will stay like that

Let the dog see the rabbit. What does that mean?

Allow someone to see something. Normally he was trying to put the key in the door and we were in the way

Oh got you...thanks

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

[Removed by poster at 13/06/20 04:30:49]

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

The comedian Jeff Green says when he was a kid his parent told him that the ice cream van played a tune to let people know it had run out of ice cream.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you break your leg, don't come running to me

Don't sit so close to the telly, you'll get square eyed

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By *latinumkittenWoman
over a year ago

from Home Counties to Middle Earth

What's for dinner? - "Bread and ifit"

Up the wooden hill

To my brother: Stop playing with that, or I'll chop it off and you'll become a girl!

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

Dad...you were the milkmans

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

"If you break your leg, don't come running to me

Don't sit so close to the telly, you'll get square eyed "

I remember these being said

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By *arksxMan
over a year ago

Leicester / London

"Take your hands out your pockets" eh?

What are they there for then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You're a long streak of piss".

Thanks, mum.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

" Who's she , the cats mother "

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By *ohnjones3210 OP Man
over a year ago

Chester

"We’ll see.....

It meant no "

Haha! Yeah.

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By *uge G RectionMan
over a year ago

where I like to be... down south

"Put wood in the hole x

Multiple meanings with that statement!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Cut your nose off to spite your face

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By *rgoodnbadMan
over a year ago

greenock

"Put that bit of wood in that hole" or shut the feckin door.

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By *lossyLegsGlassesCouple
over a year ago

stafford

You're never too old or ugly enough for me to care

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its like fekking blackpool illuminations in here

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By *arlowMan
over a year ago

Midlands

Don't look at me in that tone of voice

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By *xhib12Man
over a year ago

Blyth

Put the big light on.

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

If you eat an apple pip you will grow a apple tree in your belly...Many a time I would eat one by accident and spend weeks worrying

...

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By *emma HoldenTV/TS
over a year ago

Ramsey

Me: what time is it Dad?

Dad looking at his watch:

Just turned sceptic.

Never understood that one, maybe someone else does?!

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By *othin 2 proveCouple
over a year ago

Blackpool

Never trust a man of God!

He had a strict catholic upbringing and we now he experienced things he never spoke about.

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By *othin 2 proveCouple
over a year ago

Blackpool

"Never trust a man of God!

He had a strict catholic upbringing and we now he experienced things he never spoke about.

"
He also use to say to my brother never marry a woman with big hands, I never knew what the hell he was on about? But all has become clear!

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By *ictoriaathomeTV/TS
over a year ago

Huddersfield

The grass isn't always greener on the other side.

I'll wipe that smile off your face.

You make a better door than a window.

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By *histle do nicelyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow South

"If you break your leg, don't come running to me

Don't sit so close to the telly, you'll get square eyed "
if you break your leg.....brilliant

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By *izzy_RascalsCouple
over a year ago

Not quite over the hill

‘You know what thought did’

Nope can’t say I did, and never found out because that was the conversation closed down.

‘You’ll get what your given’

Another good conversation closer.

In response to ‘Where did you go?’ , ‘Where have you been?’

‘There and back to see how far it was’

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

Don't touch the oven, it's hot.

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By *arksxMan
over a year ago

Leicester / London

Do as I say... not as I do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Look with your eyes.not ya mouth.

Another word and your going to the home.

Don't bleed on the floor.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just you wait till yer dad gets hame..

You can have jelly or ice cream but you canny have both..

I'll send yi tae the jaggy jumper home...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I have to tell you one more time....

Now there's a good girl

(somehow that one has stuck with me!)

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By *imes_berksMan
over a year ago

Bracknell

Me. "But Tommy said it was okay"

Mum. "Would you stick your head in an oven if Tommy said it was okay?"

Me. "What's for dinner?"

Mum. "Air pudding and puff pie"

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By *ruebameMan
over a year ago

from the womb and tryout to get back

Gonnae no dae that

You're no the full shillin

Get it doon ye

If ye dinnae stop yer greetin' I'll gie ye something to greet fir

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By *oxyVikingCouple
over a year ago

East Anglia

“Up the wooden hill to bed”!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“Were you born in a barn?“

“That’ll put hairs on your chest.”

“Watch out if the wind changes, your face might stay like that.”

“You’ll be laughing on the other side If your face.”

“I’ll wash your mouth out with soap.”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“Hands behind your back..”

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By *imes_berksMan
over a year ago

Bracknell

I didn't come down in the last rain shower

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By *ikingpairCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

"But that's not fair!"

"Life isn't fair, son"

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By *ikingpairCouple
over a year ago

Cambridge

Mum to Dad "Don't eat with your mouth open"

Dad then gets a forkful of food, puts it up to his closed mouth, wiggles it around, food falls on to plate. Then says:

"But look, it doesn't work"

They are in their eighties and still married ...

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By *ORDERMANMan
over a year ago

wrexham

Turn the lights off do you think its Blackpool illuminations..

Play the white man

Do you think I came in on the banana boat

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By *erdyWoman
over a year ago

wiltshire

Thoroughly enjoyed reading this thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Eyes are bigger then your belly

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By *emma HoldenTV/TS
over a year ago

Ramsey

It's not right & it's not fair, like the left hand cheek of a black guys bum.

Controversial these days but still remember this one from my youth.

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By *emma HoldenTV/TS
over a year ago

Ramsey

How high is a China man.

I'd have dozens of goes & never get it right. It was years before I figured out How Hi was his name!

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By *ohnjones3210 OP Man
over a year ago

Chester

"Its like fekking blackpool illuminations in here

Hahahaha!!!! Yes! If you leave lights on. I remember that. Hahaha!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She's in a stu-ppa again!

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By *ohnjones3210 OP Man
over a year ago

Chester

"Just you wait till yer dad gets hame..

You can have jelly or ice cream but you canny have both..

I'll send yi tae the jaggy jumper home... "

Gotta love the Scoooothesh!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're either IN or you're OUT. Make your mind up and stick to it.

I know that you're lying because your eyes changed colour.

That song on the ice cream van means they've run out of ice cream.

Jack's mum say's this, Jack's mum does that, Jack's mum lets Jack do everything! Fine, if Jack's mum is so bloody wonderful why don't you pack your stuff and go live with her?

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By *ohnjones3210 OP Man
over a year ago

Chester

"Thoroughly enjoyed reading this thread

Stay tuned "love".. plenty more to come.

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By *oo32Man
over a year ago

tipperary

You'll follow a crow through the eye of a needle for that money when its gone

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By *heekyFlirtyCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Stockport

"What’s for tea...

Shit with sugar on "

Hahahaha my mum still says this now!!!

Mrs J

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By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

"The comedian Jeff Green says when he was a kid his parent told him that the ice cream van played a tune to let people know it had run out of ice cream. "

I used to tell my kids it was the fish van

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My Mum when I was an adult: "Be good, if you can't be good then be careful, if you can't be careful, remember the date"

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