FabSwingers.com forum: Experience for women in this site

By *otsossie OP Man
over a year ago

Chesterfield

A female friend of mine joined the site recently (at my suggestion) and even with just an outline profile with no pics she was immediately spammed with a load of shitty “Ello darlin how about a shag” type messages which got heavy very quickly.

She has now deleted her profile.

I was just wondering how the ladies on here cope, and I was hoping some of the single guys who complain about being blocked might read this and think on?

It’s no wonder the gender bias is skewed on this site if the first impression is one of being torn apart by voracious baying horndogs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The men you talk about won’t be on the forums, cause that would mean they have to read something and not every woman views themselves as a damsel in distress on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tight filters and you just delete unread any like that you can see from the heading of the message usually. It's gets overwhelming. Hence why I'm hiding at the moment.

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By *otsossie OP Man
over a year ago

Chesterfield

"Tight filters and you just delete unread any like that you can see from the heading of the message usually. It's gets overwhelming. Hence why I'm hiding at the moment. "

Yeah I get that.

And I suggested she stick to the forums but on first impressions she’s sticking to twitter

Which is a shame, because she’s good fun.

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By *elle xWoman
over a year ago

Doire Theas

"The men you talk about won’t be on the forums, cause that would mean they have to read something and not every woman views themselves as a damsel in distress on here. "

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Filters, ignore, block. Try not to let it get to you which I know is easier said than done, it can get too much. I nearly left two weeks after I joined for the same reasons. Having friend's on here that you can rant to about the bad side of it definitely helps too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The men you talk about won’t be on the forums, cause that would mean they have to read something and not every woman views themselves as a damsel in distress on here. "

You’d be surprised how many read the forums but don’t post in them.

I’m not a damsel in distress either but it is overwhelming when you first join and are still finding your way round the site and learning what the filters are.

It would be good if you were unable to message newbies for a few hours at least from when they first join.

I mean, you can’t use the forums until you’ve been here a week so can’t see why it can’t be done

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

I've had female friends who have left before sorting out their filters. Perhaps new accounts should have all filters on and the user can switch them off as appropriate? I think new women are seen as 'fresh meat' by most.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Tight filters and you just delete unread any like that you can see from the heading of the message usually. It's gets overwhelming. Hence why I'm hiding at the moment. "

This ^ as a new person she will be bombarded with messages. The alarm bells go off that a new person has joined, so they test out that message that hasn’t worked a thousand times, just one more time.

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By *otsossie OP Man
over a year ago

Chesterfield

"I've had female friends who have left before sorting out their filters. Perhaps new accounts should have all filters on and the user can switch them off as appropriate? I think new women are seen as 'fresh meat' by most. "

Great idea. Ease them in gently, so to speak.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

"Tight filters and you just delete unread any like that you can see from the heading of the message usually. It's gets overwhelming. Hence why I'm hiding at the moment. "

Yep. The one-liners you can read without opening so they tend to just get deleted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My first day I had over 300 emails so, yes, it can get crazy on here but I just read then delete or answer. If they are persistant I just block them.

I have had my wrist slapped of Admin once for retaliating to someone who was none stop at me so I just block block block now.

Oh and before you blame just single guys, the last 2 profiles I have blocked are couples ones!!

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

Great idea. Ease them in gently, so to speak. "

Yes, I think more would stay that way.

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By *am4CamWoman
over a year ago

Fairy Land

I know several guys who deliberately search for and then target newly joined ladies as they are yet to have got their heads fully round both the site and their own expectations.

I nearly left on my old profile after a couple of days as it was completely nuts. It didn’t take long to work things out though and it felt a lot less overwhelming once I felt I was running my profile and my fab experience rather than feeling like a virtual toy being tossed around in a greedy kids’ play pen.

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

To be fair only 5% of my messages are rude. I find most men on here lovely and respectful. Maybe having no pics and not much bio did her no favours.

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By *otsossie OP Man
over a year ago

Chesterfield

"My first day I had over 300 emails so, yes, it can get crazy on here but I just read then delete or answer. If they are persistant I just block them.

I have had my wrist slapped of Admin once for retaliating to someone who was none stop at me so I just block block block now.

Oh and before you blame just single guys, the last 2 profiles I have blocked are couples ones!!"

Hah! Yeah but I suspect a lot if the couples are single guys, too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have been emailing a lady and we have exchanged emails and she has just disappeared......no doubt inundated with crap......so it must be difficult.for her to delve through and find mine and other normal sensible emails.....

Which is why it is so difficult in meeting someone.......

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I deleted my profile after a few hours when i first joined because if this. My friend who persuaded me to come back on told me about the filters. Once I used them it was a lot better. Some guys do specifically target new profiles thinking if they get in there first they will have a better chance they actually have less due to the amount of mail new profiles get.

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By *ing_Wookie_RodeoMan
over a year ago

stockport wasteland

Yeh a girl in the chat rooms said the same last night, letting her know that its even worse since lockdown would of been a good idea mate. Id tell her to ignore the in box asa woman unless someone messages she was expecting too. Ive had a few of my female friends feel that the perviness has defo stepped up in the last few month. Im hoping it calms down again soon,or fabputs some sort of rules or guidelines in place

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By *elshsunsWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire

I hide my profile .... like at this moment when things get too much and I can’t be bothered dealing with the shitty messages and temper tantrums ...

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By *ing_Wookie_RodeoMan
over a year ago

stockport wasteland

"I deleted my profile after a few hours when i first joined because if this. My friend who persuaded me to come back on told me about the filters. Once I used them it was a lot better. Some guys do specifically target new profiles thinking if they get in there first they will have a better chance they actually have less due to the amount of mail new profiles get. "
oo i never thought of that being a reason to be fair but could be very true

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Tight filters and you just delete unread any like that you can see from the heading of the message usually. It's gets overwhelming. Hence why I'm hiding at the moment.

Yeah I get that.

And I suggested she stick to the forums but on first impressions she’s sticking to twitter

Which is a shame, because she’s good fun. "
,

Why is it a shame? She didn't like the experience so she left.

If you think she would enjoy it, for her own sake rather than because she's good fun ask her if she fancies giving it another go but this time set mail filters immediately. Block all mail, look around, see if it's somewhere she'd enjoy, read the fora etc. Then it she feels comfortable she can message people she likes the look of herself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A female friend of mine joined the site recently (at my suggestion) and even with just an outline profile with no pics she was immediately spammed with a load of shitty “Ello darlin how about a shag” type messages which got heavy very quickly.

She has now deleted her profile.

I was just wondering how the ladies on here cope, and I was hoping some of the single guys who complain about being blocked might read this and think on?

It’s no wonder the gender bias is skewed on this site if the first impression is one of being torn apart by voracious baying horndogs. "
really does it matter, everyone reacts differently, many women survive being newbies and your friend didn't, filters dont filter messages they only filter age groups location and gender, its a tough place for women and guys for different reasons obviously and many guys even in forums lead with their cock

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By *ing_Wookie_RodeoMan
over a year ago

stockport wasteland

God alot of the guys on here make the rest of us look bad

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"To be fair only 5% of my messages are rude. I find most men on here lovely and respectful. Maybe having no pics and not much bio did her no favours."

Perhaps she didn't get to finish setting up her profile before the barrage of messages started? Maybe she joined and needed to finish it later because something came up? Who knows?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Yeh a girl in the chat rooms said the same last night, letting her know that its even worse since lockdown would of been a good idea mate. Id tell her to ignore the in box asa woman unless someone messages she was expecting too. Ive had a few of my female friends feel that the perviness has defo stepped up in the last few month. Im hoping it calms down again soon,or fabputs some sort of rules or guidelines in place"

Fab has message filters, a block button and a report feature.

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By *uliette500Woman
over a year ago

Hull

When I first joined the first couple of days were awful and I did consider deleting too but eventually it settled down. Now I only get tons of messages if I add a new photo/video but at least I can control that to a degree.

I still get the odd idiot type message but I just ignore and delete it.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

She has now deleted her profile.

I was just wondering how the ladies on here cope, and I was hoping some of the single guys who complain about being blocked might read this and think on?

It’s no wonder the gender bias is skewed on this site if the first impression is one of being torn apart by voracious baying horndogs. really does it matter, everyone reacts differently, many women survive being newbies and your friend didn't, filters dont filter messages they only filter age groups location and gender, its a tough place for women and guys for different reasons obviously and many guys even in forums lead with their cock

Filters do filter messages. Account-message filters-turn on the ones you want to use. I'm using them now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She has now deleted her profile.

I was just wondering how the ladies on here cope, and I was hoping some of the single guys who complain about being blocked might read this and think on?

Filters do filter messages. Account-message filters-turn on the ones you want to use. I'm using them now.

"
they don't filter messages though unless you completely block men

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

"To be fair only 5% of my messages are rude. I find most men on here lovely and respectful. Maybe having no pics and not much bio did her no favours.

Perhaps she didn't get to finish setting up her profile before the barrage of messages started? Maybe she joined and needed to finish it later because something came up? Who knows? "

Maybe she should have hidden it until it was complete. If i see a female profile with no pics and few words i usually presume it is a male.

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By *lan157Man
over a year ago

a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex

There are a good number of ways to improve the experience of single women on Fab especially those that first join that have been suggested in the last few years but seemingly Admin don't want to do anything about it .

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"To be fair only 5% of my messages are rude. I find most men on here lovely and respectful. Maybe having no pics and not much bio did her no favours.

Perhaps she didn't get to finish setting up her profile before the barrage of messages started? Maybe she joined and needed to finish it later because something came up? Who knows?

Maybe she should have hidden it until it was complete. If i see a female profile with no pics and few words i usually presume it is a male."

If it's a new one I normally assume it's just not been finished yet, over a week or two then I agree.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

She has now deleted her profile.

I was just wondering how the ladies on here cope, and I was hoping some of the single guys who complain about being blocked might read this and think on?

Filters do filter messages. Account-message filters-turn on the ones you want to use. I'm using them now.

they don't filter messages though unless you completely block men

I haven't completely blocked men. My filters are age and no blank avatar, both of which work.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I enjoy my time on here for the most part.

It’s like going to a buffet of hot men and each of them thrusting their pecker in your face and asking you to have a taste

but occasionally you don’t get asked, they just beat you round the face with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"God alot of the guys on here make the rest of us look bad"

No they don’t, they only make themselves look bad, they don’t speak for me.

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By *ing_Wookie_RodeoMan
over a year ago

stockport wasteland

I have done do think of it this way

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"I enjoy my time on here for the most part.

It’s like going to a buffet of hot men and each of them thrusting their pecker in your face and asking you to have a taste

but occasionally you don’t get asked, they just beat you round the face with it."

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By *assy211279Woman
over a year ago

middle of nowhere Cornwall

I found that it was a bit overwhelming to start but I have just chosen to ignore people who don't meet my needs.

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By *ing_Wookie_RodeoMan
over a year ago

stockport wasteland

They do mate because alot of women will shade you with the same brush until you get them talking to you and alot wont do that. And im not 1 that sends 5 word messages or dick pics

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"God alot of the guys on here make the rest of us look bad"

They make themselves look bad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It must be a nightmare for them lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know that feeling, on my first day I had 250 messages and some abuse for not replying. I felt totally overwhelmed and deleted my profile after 2 days. I took a few days to think about it more and came back. Put message filters up and grew a thicker skin. I just delete any messages that haven’t bothered to read my profile and if they continue to message I block. I was on here for quite a few months before I discovered the forums and quite surprised how many people don’t come in to the forums or even realise they are there

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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago

Shangri-la

It can be overwhelming when you first join & you get the influx of sleazy one line messages and dick pics, & it takes a bit of time to figure out how the site works and what features there are.

I'd been on before as part of a couple profile but that didn't involve anywhere near as many messages.

There are times when I really can't be bothered dealing with the idiots & I either block all males from messaging or hide my profile. Most of the time I am selective of the messages I reas & just use the delete & block buttons on the rest.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

"God alot of the guys on here make the rest of us look bad

No they don’t, they only make themselves look bad, they don’t speak for me."

When you get so many poorly written messages a really well written one stands out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"God alot of the guys on here make the rest of us look bad

No they don’t, they only make themselves look bad, they don’t speak for me.

When you get so many poorly written messages a really well written one stands out."

THIS

I have had 3 or 4 new men messaging me this morning. Most have got an automatic delete but 1 guy read my profile and I could tell. We are now chatting on and off - no cockshots, no sex talk, nada, just every day getting to know you chat - As said the idiots do not taint it for the good guys for me either- you lot shine through the shite xxxx

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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago

Shangri-la

"God alot of the guys on here make the rest of us look bad

No they don’t, they only make themselves look bad, they don’t speak for me.

When you get so many poorly written messages a really well written one stands out."

Absolutely this.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

"God alot of the guys on here make the rest of us look bad

No they don’t, they only make themselves look bad, they don’t speak for me.

When you get so many poorly written messages a really well written one stands out."

Exactly this.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It would be good I think to have an intelligent guiding of new users here, so that are introduced and educated about site features, so that they understand more fully what they can do to make the site more effective and appealing for them. This could include the message filters as others say as well as good instruction on the basics. I'd also introduce the forum to all new users, so that they get an understanding of what's here and how to get support.

I've long advocated for users to set their own minimum message standards that they will accept from 1st messages from others, eg minimum word count and face pictures etc, as this would deter many from sending hi hunni, FAF, force others to make better efforts, possibly keep inboxes less inundated and more pleasant.

Fab is a great site and I think that this may sometimes stifle development.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've rejoined here two or three times and the first day is always the worst for messages.

I would let her know you can easily filter people out and also hide your profile which gives you a chance to find your way around the website at your own pace. If she didn't know this information she might give it another chance.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

I was very fortunate in that the man who introduced me to fab, told me what to expect and guided me with my search and that stood me in good stead on here, so it's been a very positive journey for me

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