FabSwingers.com forum: Emotional mess over rejection

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So this week in my “Vanilla“ life I have dealt with a lot of rejection. I’m not going into massive detail in forum, but FWB relationships finished and there has been 2 more situations that have left me an emotional wreck and I feel like I’m not good enough for a relationship.

Now, I’m 34 and been through 2 very bad heart breaking Long term relationships Break ups (8 years with my daughters Dad and 3 with my Ex) but for some reason This has hit me hard.

I’ve been single for a year and a half and love my Fab lifestyle, but do you think deep down everyone craves to be loved?

Even though I say I’m not looking for love and happy single, surely feeling like this proves perhaps the opposite?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone definitely craves love from one source or another. It's a basic human need.

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

trouble most likely, or creating it :)

Things are hitting a lot of people harder currently than they would normally. I've been finding myself I'm general much more emotional

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've spent my whole life searching for it...

But resigned myself to loving me...

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By *urves and MischiefWoman
over a year ago

Northerner

"Everyone definitely craves love from one source or another. It's a basic human need. "

Absolutely this! We all need love.

It may not seem it right now but you are good enough for that love and a relationship. It may not have worked out currently but it will. Be kind to yourself x

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By *zoreanMan
over a year ago

Witney

It's normal to crave love a company of someone else, maybe you should try broadening your horizons and try something different...maybe you're falling always for the same type of guy... Anyway, this is just an opinion since I don't fully know what you have going on. Plus, as someone above mentioned, these are hard times and people are much more emotional than before because as human beings we need to feel human warmth and right now we can't have it .... Hopefully it will get better soon OP

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Things are hitting a lot of people harder currently than they would normally. I've been finding myself I'm general much more emotional"

I do think this has a big part to do with it as I can’t really go vent and have a dance and drinks with friends. I mean I have spoken to friends and one is prepared to sit in the rain outside with me this evening!!!

But timing is not great. Bloody covid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone wants to be loved in one way or another things are tough at the moment both physically & mentally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey, your a tough cookie! Chin up!

People who reject us just provide us with opportunity xx

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

I think most people crave the connection you have with someone when they are completely 'yours' as it were. Even if adding other people you still have the comfort of having them close after. I do miss a cuddle

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I'd try not to jump to conclusions or question yourself and your needs too quickly OP - it's very easy to do so, particularly when you've had a number of knock backs in a short space of time and it seems the world is out to get you.

Maybe take a step back, and some time out to take stock which during the current situation you have the ability to do and ask yourself what you truly want from life.

It's only natural to crave affection and feeling wanted but that doesn't *have* to come from a traditional relationship either - it's entirely possible to live this lifestyle *and* get those cravings fulfilled too - it takes some change of mindset sometimes but it's possible.

Also remember the current situation is serving to exacerbate a lot of those feelings and cravings because it does limit how much you can fulfil them, and also not being able to do so may be part of the reason things came to an end too - the impacts of all that is going on are far wider reaching than the obvious and shouldn't be discounted either.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've spent my whole life searching for it...

But resigned myself to loving me..."

I’ve spent the last year and half building my confidence back up and loving myself but today is a hard day. Bastard men!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love doesn't necessarily need to come from a partner though. It can come from your parents, close family and even kids.

Some have lots of love in their lives and others not so. Through no fault of their own I might add.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've spent my whole life searching for it...

But resigned myself to loving me...

I’ve spent the last year and half building my confidence back up and loving myself but today is a hard day. Bastard men!!!!

"
we aren’t all cretins

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By *occerstar579Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

"I've spent my whole life searching for it...

But resigned myself to loving me...

I’ve spent the last year and half building my confidence back up and loving myself but today is a hard day. Bastard men!!!!

Dont let anyone get you down. Stay positive and situations at the moment seem especially bad. Treat Fab as a separate from normal life...keep the two separate. Finding love on fab is not impossible but i guess not the most suitable method. Keep smiling and there are genuine people out there who will want you for being you . Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Everyone definitely craves love from one source or another. It's a basic human need. "

This!! Don’t beat yourself up OP, you’re human and so susceptible to heartbreak. But if you didn’t feel the heartbreak you wouldn’t recognise the love when it’s real and there.

Chin up and I’m sending you virtual cuddles beautiful lady! Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So this week in my “Vanilla“ life I have dealt with a lot of rejection. I’m not going into massive detail in forum, but FWB relationships finished and there has been 2 more situations that have left me an emotional wreck and I feel like I’m not good enough for a relationship.

Now, I’m 34 and been through 2 very bad heart breaking Long term relationships Break ups (8 years with my daughters Dad and 3 with my Ex) but for some reason This has hit me hard.

I’ve been single for a year and a half and love my Fab lifestyle, but do you think deep down everyone craves to be loved?

Even though I say I’m not looking for love and happy single, surely feeling like this proves perhaps the opposite? "
hey its a difficult time i think a lot of things are felt more because of it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'd try not to jump to conclusions or question yourself and your needs too quickly OP - it's very easy to do so, particularly when you've had a number of knock backs in a short space of time and it seems the world is out to get you.

Maybe take a step back, and some time out to take stock which during the current situation you have the ability to do and ask yourself what you truly want from life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is exactly how I've felt this week.. Finding out that an ex fb is now totally loved up.. After 2 minutes, then to my Ex (kids dad) Going on a date with one of my youngest kids teachers.

Now, I’m 34 and been through 2 very bad heart breaking Long term relationships Break ups (8 years with my daughters Dad and 3 with my Ex) but for some reason This has hit me hard.

I’ve been single for a year and a half and love my Fab lifestyle, but do you think deep down everyone craves to be loved?

Even though I say I’m not looking for love and happy single, surely feeling like this proves perhaps the opposite? "

This is exactly how I've felt this week.. Finding out that an ex fb is now totally loved up.. After 2 minutes, then to my Ex (kids dad) Going on a date with one of my youngest kids teachers. Sending hugs xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think with rejection it’s easier if it’s horrible and hard hitting rather than the “you’re an amazing woman but.......” I can take the rejection itself but never understood this part. Maybe it is more about them than me.

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

You never is easy. but that is a fact of life. With time you will be okay and in turn it will help you find out what you really want. So in that sense is a good and a bad thing.

So just try to be thankful for your Health. And the things you do have

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

I'm in a similar place myself, OP, and just as emotional. And it's harder at 47...

I think this time it's hit home that I left it too late to think about having kids, and so that particular boat has sailed and so that's not helping either

I'm also not convinced this is the best place to be if you're feeling low, either, as it can oftenake me feel worse and even more isolated. Or perhaps I just don't fully "get" this place

But whatever, I'm sending you positive vibes and a big bear hug x

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

I went through hell in 2016 after a break up. I made several mistakes after that trying to replace what I had lost. I wish I could say it will get better but I carry so much guilt.

Just don’t ever settle for the sake of settling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I went through hell in 2016 after a break up. I made several mistakes after that trying to replace what I had lost. I wish I could say it will get better but I carry so much guilt.

Just don’t ever settle for the sake of settling.

Very good advice.. You are worth so much more! X

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I think with rejection it’s easier if it’s horrible and hard hitting rather than the “you’re an amazing woman but.......” I can take the rejection itself but never understood this part. Maybe it is more about them than me. "

It often is more about them than you - trouble is it's very easy to see it the other way round and beat yourself up about it, or get caught up in wondering why or what you did, when more often than not (especially in this world) it was nothing you did, and sometimes not even what they did, it just is the way it is.

I've had situations where I've met and had a great time and we've agreed to meet again, but then time has passed, life has moved on, or circumstances happened and you're left wondering why, but often there is no why.

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By *oft_SensualTV/TS
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Rejection is awful- in my case after a decade in what I thought was a loving relationship. How wrong was I!

Fast forward to two failed attempts at relationships afterwards - 'sorry, you wear women's clothes and are bi' and I'm beginning to question my own sanity, never mind having any trust in people generally.

It does get easier with time, but if you're struggling OP, go and see your GP and ask for medication and counselling. It worked for me, I wouldn't be here without it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think a guy knows from the start if he sees someone as relationship material or not. They’d need to be in the right mindset for one for a start.

I also think that if you give them all the fun stuff without them having to fully commit they’ll always keep you in that category.

Don’t ever feel like you aren’t good enough though, I don’t deal with rejection well at all, try and keep people at arms length now.

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

My family love me so thats what counts most to me. I lost faith in emotions a long time ago so happy to be single and not get involved in relationships.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now, I’m 34 and been through 2 very bad heart breaking Long term relationships Break ups (8 years with my daughters Dad and 3 with my Ex) but for some reason This has hit me hard.

I’ve been single for a year and a half and love my Fab lifestyle, but do you think deep down everyone craves to be loved?

Even though I say I’m not looking for love and happy single, surely feeling like this proves perhaps the opposite? "

Doesn’t prove the opposite. We’ve internalised desires to feel loved. Wanting to be loved doesn’t mean you’re not happy right now either; I want a bar of chocolate right now but I’m satisfied without one. You’re normal. We need to normalise wanting love but not needing it. You have shown strength to get through what you have and you’ve shown yourself it sounds like that you don’t need love. If love finds you, I’m sure you’d welcome it although you’re not looking and if it doesn’t come along just yet, I’m sure you’re going to keep on keeping on. It’s okay to feel down sometimes, OP. I don’t know what to say to help but I hope you feel better. X

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

It's the risk of caring for another - the exposure of feelings means they can hurt you, deliberately or by just by not feeling the same.

If you didnt feel the rejection, you couldn't feel the love.

You have had long term relationships. Many people dont get that far. Having the capacity to love and be loved is the key.

Use Fab for what it is - an opportunity to meet people with a similar kink. It might give you want you want, or it could be a displacement activity. Ask yourself - Which would you rather have - Love without sex or sex without love? Use Fab accordingly, and with luck you may get what you expect, or maybe even more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am afraid there arent always clear reasons why some things get to us more, at times than we wish.

Sending hugs though xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now, I’m 34 and been through 2 very bad heart breaking Long term relationships Break ups (8 years with my daughters Dad and 3 with my Ex) but for some reason This has hit me hard.

I’ve been single for a year and a half and love my Fab lifestyle, but do you think deep down everyone craves to be loved?

Even though I say I’m not looking for love and happy single, surely feeling like this proves perhaps the opposite? "

I stripped out my profile because I got one rejection too many, on here POF and Tinder

There is only so many times you can be told you're not good enough for someone.

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By *hav02Man
over a year ago

Glasgow/London

Aww, this is a heartbreaking post. Really sorry to hear you're going through this OP, but you're not alone. The pandemic surely is driving everyone to an isolation anxiety.

I've also been in amazing longterm relationships, that eventually fell apart either due to my career or, most recently, their fear of commitment. It's hard when that happens.

Ultimately, I've realised it's not a relationship I've craved, it's more the stability of someone reliable to allow you to share your emotional burden - whether that's a partner, FWB, or family.

Trying to normalise and structure your time will help

I've learned not to rely/depend on other people, because people are transient, and I feel much happier and achieve more in life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear about your troubles, hard as it is it all makes you stronger in the long run. Don’t let this change who you are, be true to yourself and eventually the right connections will happen.

Big love, Jay & Misha xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've spent my whole life searching for it...

But resigned myself to loving me..."

You’re in the best place, love yourself and others will follow xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you everyone for your amazing messages and comments. I can’t keep up. I really was not expecting so much kindness.

I’m OK and know I have come through a lot worse times. I need a good night out, hugs from real people, gym/rugby and to get back to work properly. The timing has definitely not helped.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can empathise with this. I think it feels so much bigger because the current situation is so uncertain, it’s human to crave structure and comfort now more so than ever.

I got rejected on Fab by someone the other day. I’m not here to meet anyone, just chat. He initiated the conversation then put the brakes on. It shouldn’t have bothered me because I’m not looking for anything, but actually it still stung. That says to me, I’m not feeling like I’m enough at the moment so I’m seeing that view of myself in the actions of others. Whereas before I wouldn’t have given it a second thought.

I miss feeling loved, wanted and cared for. I have a loving family and the best friends who are all my soul mates but there is definitely something missing for me.

Things will get better and we’ll bounce back OP!

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By *ngel_vs_devil33Woman
over a year ago

i’ll let you know

Sending hugs, things are different at the moment , what we may have able to with pre lockdown, we are struggling with now, I’ve certainly been through the mill recently, with my emotions, Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can empathise with this. I think it feels so much bigger because the current situation is so uncertain, it’s human to crave structure and comfort now more so than ever.

I miss feeling loved, wanted and cared for. I have a loving family and the best friends who are all my soul mates but there is definitely something missing for me.

Things will get better and we’ll bounce back OP!

Its not having the usual distractions isnt it like going out with friends where you can just say fuck it and shrug it off. Little things get intensified with no other release for them. Big hug from me too Op, sometimes things just aren't the right time, and its not the fault of one side or because anyone is unlovable. I love all the positivity memes flying round and read millions of them, You Are Enough, just as you are, etc, etc xx

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South

I can’t really add anything as you’ve had some lovely wise responses OP, i just hope that you feel better soon.

Keep your chin up and be kind to yourself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You just need a decent film and some bugles innit

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