FabSwingers.com forum: Do people listen?

By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

Fabbers

I’ve been musing again.

When meeting (pre Covid obviously) do people actually listen to what those they are playing with want?

I’ve had meets with couples, men and femmes with my FWB and chatted likes and dislikes but during play the things I’ve said are not adhered to.

Has anyone else had this? How do you get the message through to them so there is no disappointment?

Answers in the thread please.

Bhubaysi xx

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By *mberWoman
over a year ago

Preston

I hope I listen I always try to. But I always check at the time too unless I'm sure.

Not in a official tick list way but in a would you like me to......way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there are definitely plenty of people who think that even if you’ve been clear what you want that they can convince you otherwise for sure

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

I always ask an open ended conversation before I meet anyone. If they say something i really dont like and they do. It's a no go before i even meet. Just me filtering

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By *nvisible_beardMan
over a year ago

near newbridge, wales

People are selfish and only take what they want and not really give in return.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For too many,it's not what others want,it's all about them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I always ask an open ended conversation before I meet anyone. If they say something i really dont like and they do. It's a no go before i even meet. Just me filtering "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For too many,it's not what others want,it's all about them."

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By *dquestCouple
over a year ago

Peterborough

We"ve had several people try to do something we didn't want (like the guy who pulled off his condom thinking he was going to sneak bareback). That's part of the reason we only play together in the same room. We don't know how you single ladies do it without a trusted "spotter." You are very brave!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

if you wanna talk i talk if you wanna eat i eat if you wanna fcuk i fcuk f you wanna walk i walk but i don't do marmite sorry

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Some do, some don't. Some try but ultimately are incompatible anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not really experienced that.

Although i’m quite good at choosing sexually compatible men, so we tend to be on the same page.

I only mention two dislikes that men tend to like doing (choke hold and anal) and so far i’ve had no problem.

I find men tend to ask me before they try anything new “is it ok if i do this or this”?

So either i’m intimidating as fuck or just very lucky

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"People are selfish and only take what they want and not really give in return."

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By *s Verity VeneryWoman
over a year ago

Bliss

No I've not had that, but I tend to build up long friendships with men I want to play with, so we both know how compatible we are together before we play

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By *tickler2000Man
over a year ago

St Agnes

There are a lot of rude and discourteous people on here.

And quite a few with no sense of humour at all.

This site is about fun and enjoyment for all.

A point sadly lost on many.

Courtesy and civility costs nothing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry, what was you saying?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We've met people who do listen and people who very obviously don't.

The don't listen ones are men who want a dominatrix, couples who want a bi women experience.

The do listen ones need no explanation.

I think some people see us as no more than providers of a service

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand

I’d remind them again kindly as some people might’ve forgotten details if you had so many conversations beforehand. I also don’t expect people to rem_mber everything I mentioned.

If they try anyway, I stop, pack my things and leave. Simple.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I *always* have a conversation about boundaries before meeting anyone, both my own and theirs and make a mental note of theirs to avoid them if I can - sometimes of course in the heat of the moment some might be forgotten inadvertently (some not so inadvertently) and a gentle "not that rem_mber?" or similar should be all it needs.

If it's something we'd not done before then a quick "is this ok?" before doing it usually works.

Most of the people I have met have been people I've chatted to for some time anyway, so we've usually built a fair amount of knowledge of each other, and trust and respect enough to meet so we can just go with the flow and see where it takes us and just both be attuned to each other for any cues that something is not right, or indeed that something is very right - the key is having a level of comfort with each other to be able to say "sorry that's not doing it for me" or conversely "ooohh yes do that" or even "would you try this?" without any worry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We've met people who do listen and people who very obviously don't.

The don't listen ones are men who want a dominatrix, couples who want a bi women experience.

The do listen ones need no explanation.

I think some people see us as no more than providers of a service

B&B by the sea!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"We've met people who do listen and people who very obviously don't.

The don't listen ones are men who want a dominatrix, couples who want a bi women experience.

The do listen ones need no explanation.

I think some people see us as no more than providers of a service

B&B by the sea!

we did have one couple suggest that they came and stayed with us. They very kindly offered to find somewhere else to stay if we didnt hit it off

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

But I think I told you that before

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The people I have been lucky enough to meet we have had long chats about things before we met, and I havnt been put in a situation where I have been worried. If its been a 'possible' but not sure till the time, then there is always that quick shall we question in the moment where either can say yay or nay. All very diplomatic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone thinks they can change your mind if it’s something they think they’re good at.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"The people I have been lucky enough to meet we have had long chats about things before we met, and I havnt been put in a situation where I have been worried. If its been a 'possible' but not sure till the time, then there is always that quick shall we question in the moment where either can say yay or nay. All very diplomatic

And that's exactly it - be adult about it, be respectful of each other, be attentive to their reactions and be comfortable enough to say you like/dislike something, or to make those checks - all that is needed really

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Everyone thinks they can change your mind if it’s something they think they’re good at.

Not *everyone* - I certainly don't - if someone says they don't like a particular thing, or it's a boundary for them, we don't go there plain and simple.

I either accept they don't like it and find other things, or if it's something that means enough to me, it's an indication we're not compatible and we don't meet - it really is as simple as that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"But I think I told you that before

Yep you did. I love that story.

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By *hubaysi OP Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

It seems I have been unlucky then or I’ve not made sure they understand. After lockdown this will change and I’ll be ‘on it’ the minute something happens that I did not agree to.

It’s lovely to hear everyone’s views on this

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