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Women interested in BDSM with women

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia

I wondered if anyone on here would be interested in chatting on this thread about BDSM with women. It would be great to chat to other women and find out how you got into BDSM, are there any events (in normal times), are you a switch, Domme or sub and what you enjoy about it. I am just starting my journey, so would love to chat and share thoughts and ideas!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im heavily into it, im a submissive and been living the lifestyle 6 years but following it for about 8 yrs. I could talk about it all day

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Following this with interest. Been told I'm switch but hard to find a guy who can dom me. I'd love to let my submissive side out more x

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"Im heavily into it, im a submissive and been living the lifestyle 6 years but following it for about 8 yrs. I could talk about it all day "

Would it be ok for you to share how you realised you were a sub (and not a Domme) and how you started and found out what your limits were?

P x

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"Following this with interest. Been told I'm switch but hard to find a guy who can dom me. I'd love to let my submissive side out more x"

Thanks for responding! Is it mainly guys you have been with or women as well?

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Are there women who only ever domme/sub to other women, no man ever involved. Is there such a thing outside of gay relationships?

Genuine question

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By *aven RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Following this with interest. Been told I'm switch but hard to find a guy who can dom me. I'd love to let my submissive side out more x

Thanks for responding! Is it mainly guys you have been with or women as well?"

Both. I'm bi. Have been with more men than women though. So far it's only been a woman who has dommed me x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im heavily into it, im a submissive and been living the lifestyle 6 years but following it for about 8 yrs. I could talk about it all day

Would it be ok for you to share how you realised you were a sub (and not a Domme) and how you started and found out what your limits were?

P x"

Very simple tbh, I actually read 50 shades and knew I wanted to be tied, spanked flogged etc. I always fantasised about being tied up and a strong man controlling me. I didnt know what a submissive was till I read that book. I know its corny to some but a life changer for me . Ive never wanted to take charge thats foreign to me tbh. Being a submissive makes me feel free xx

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By *inranWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"Are there women who only ever domme/sub to other women, no man ever involved. Is there such a thing outside of gay relationships?

Genuine question "

Me I'm purely Domme. But I've played with a fair few lovely submissive ladies man free.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've many straight friends who sub to other Women (Dommes) Ive got a Domme that does rope and im her bottom on the site that cant be named x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm into it. I've dabbled a bit with my husband, but he's not so interested. I've been trying things out a bit more with a woman I met at a club though

I think I'm a switch, I lean more towards submissive but I can domme if needed and I get off on the other person enjoying it.

I'm very rarely submissive with men, especially men I don't know so we'll. I guess I don't like feeling so vulnerable with men unless I really trust them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm very submissive with men, have never done that with a woman, but it's something that has come up in conversation recently, and is something I'd Like to explore

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"Are there women who only ever domme/sub to other women, no man ever involved. Is there such a thing outside of gay relationships?

Genuine question

Me I'm purely Domme. But I've played with a fair few lovely submissive ladies man free. "

How did you find out you were a Domme? Did you try being a sub as well? I think it would be amazing to meet with a domme. I have never met a any Dom/Dommes but I would like my first one to be a female one.

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"I'm very submissive with men, have never done that with a woman, but it's something that has come up in conversation recently, and is something I'd Like to explore "

Hey HP! Would you call yourself a 'sub' so to speak? Would you want to be dommed by a Domme?

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"I'm into it. I've dabbled a bit with my husband, but he's not so interested. I've been trying things out a bit more with a woman I met at a club though

I think I'm a switch, I lean more towards submissive but I can domme if needed and I get off on the other person enjoying it.

I'm very rarely submissive with men, especially men I don't know so we'll. I guess I don't like feeling so vulnerable with men unless I really trust them."

Thanks for your post. So would you prefer to be more sub experiences with women or would you be a switch? I get what you say about not being a sub with guys, however, I know some lovely, lovely Doms. They are like cuddly teddy bears to me but far darker with my wife Mrs Trellis!

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By *inranWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

So when I look back on my early experience their are massive clues. I love predicament bondage still but that started say back when.

I started attending swing and fet clubs at 18 and watched people and learnt. There used to be a massive mentorship culture so I learnt skills one at a time from people who had experience (flogging, sensation, wax, fire, rope, medical for example)

The mental and the physical aspect are different. Everything I do I have tried on me either doing it to myself or by bottoming to someone.

I have no desire to submit, I'm comfy at the thinking end and I'm not as strong as the beautiful submissive people in my life. I'm awful at relaxing lol

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"I've many straight friends who sub to other Women (Dommes) Ive got a Domme that does rope and im her bottom on the site that cant be named x"

That sounds very exciting! Lucky you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have always submitted to men, only played normally with women but would love to submit to a woman too one day! Think I would be very particular about finding a domme though, probably more so than male partners. Either that or I could maybe be swayed by a hot couple

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm into it. I've dabbled a bit with my husband, but he's not so interested. I've been trying things out a bit more with a woman I met at a club though

I think I'm a switch, I lean more towards submissive but I can domme if needed and I get off on the other person enjoying it.

I'm very rarely submissive with men, especially men I don't know so we'll. I guess I don't like feeling so vulnerable with men unless I really trust them.

Thanks for your post. So would you prefer to be more sub experiences with women or would you be a switch? I get what you say about not being a sub with guys, however, I know some lovely, lovely Doms. They are like cuddly teddy bears to me but far darker with my wife Mrs Trellis!"

With women I'm definitely switch, I will domme or sub depending on what the situation requires.

I do still sub with men occasionally, but it takes a lot longer to trust them before I do.

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By *inranWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"I have always submitted to men, only played normally with women but would love to submit to a woman too one day! Think I would be very particular about finding a domme though, probably more so than male partners. Either that or I could maybe be swayed by a hot couple "

Out of interest how would you be more particular I'm curious on the difference.

Genuine interest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have always submitted to men, only played normally with women but would love to submit to a woman too one day! Think I would be very particular about finding a domme though, probably more so than male partners. Either that or I could maybe be swayed by a hot couple

Out of interest how would you be more particular I'm curious on the difference.

Genuine interest "

It sounds odd haha but I’m a lot fussier with women! I think it’s more to do with the physicality of men dominating! That and hot women intimidate me a lot more than hot men for some reason!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm very submissive with men, have never done that with a woman, but it's something that has come up in conversation recently, and is something I'd Like to explore

Hey HP! Would you call yourself a 'sub' so to speak? Would you want to be dommed by a Domme?

"

Yes, I do call myself submissive, and actively look for Doms, but I'm interested in exploring it with a woman, we will see what happens

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights


"Are there women who only ever domme/sub to other women, no man ever involved. Is there such a thing outside of gay relationships?

Genuine question

Me I'm purely Domme. But I've played with a fair few lovely submissive ladies man free. "

I've sent you a message

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By *inranWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

Hah I'm in some ways fussier with women too. I can see what you mean about the physicality. I actually really like physically strong subs who I can overpower (I'm fairly strong).

Interesting thank you.

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By *lice MaliceWoman
over a year ago

The Facility

Bookmarking

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"So when I look back on my early experience their are massive clues. I love predicament bondage still but that started say back when.

I started attending swing and fet clubs at 18 and watched people and learnt. There used to be a massive mentorship culture so I learnt skills one at a time from people who had experience (flogging, sensation, wax, fire, rope, medical for example)

The mental and the physical aspect are different. Everything I do I have tried on me either doing it to myself or by bottoming to someone.

I have no desire to submit, I'm comfy at the thinking end and I'm not as strong as the beautiful submissive people in my life. I'm awful at relaxing lol

"

So what happened to the mentorship culture?

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"I'm very submissive with men, have never done that with a woman, but it's something that has come up in conversation recently, and is something I'd Like to explore

Hey HP! Would you call yourself a 'sub' so to speak? Would you want to be dommed by a Domme?

Yes, I do call myself submissive, and actively look for Doms, but I'm interested in exploring it with a woman, we will see what happens "

Good luck on your journey!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im heavily into it, im a submissive and been living the lifestyle 6 years but following it for about 8 yrs. I could talk about it all day

Would it be ok for you to share how you realised you were a sub (and not a Domme) and how you started and found out what your limits were?

P x

Very simple tbh, I actually read 50 shades and knew I wanted to be tied, spanked flogged etc. I always fantasised about being tied up and a strong man controlling me. I didnt know what a submissive was till I read that book. I know its corny to some but a life changer for me . Ive never wanted to take charge thats foreign to me tbh. Being a submissive makes me feel free xx"

I love this! I don't think it's corny at all.

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia

I did the BDSM Test which was fascinating.

https://bdsmtest.org/select-mode

I found it quite liberating to find out what I like - now just need to find that elusive Domme!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im heavily into it, im a submissive and been living the lifestyle 6 years but following it for about 8 yrs. I could talk about it all day

Would it be ok for you to share how you realised you were a sub (and not a Domme) and how you started and found out what your limits were?

P x

Very simple tbh, I actually read 50 shades and knew I wanted to be tied, spanked flogged etc. I always fantasised about being tied up and a strong man controlling me. I didnt know what a submissive was till I read that book. I know its corny to some but a life changer for me . Ive never wanted to take charge thats foreign to me tbh. Being a submissive makes me feel free xx

I love this! I don't think it's corny at all. "

Its not tbh but I usually get back lash for mentioning it lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I wondered if anyone on here would be interested in chatting on this thread about BDSM with women. It would be great to chat to other women and find out how you got into BDSM, are there any events (in normal times), are you a switch, Domme or sub and what you enjoy about it. I am just starting my journey, so would love to chat and share thoughts and ideas!

"

I'm very into BDSM, I'm a little, I don't switch. I've only had a few experiences of kink with other women but it's something I've enjoyed and am definitely interested in doing more often.

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"

I wondered if anyone on here would be interested in chatting on this thread about BDSM with women. It would be great to chat to other women and find out how you got into BDSM, are there any events (in normal times), are you a switch, Domme or sub and what you enjoy about it. I am just starting my journey, so would love to chat and share thoughts and ideas!

So, where do women go to find Domme and Sub women? I am sure they are here on fab but it is like a needle in a haystack!

I'm very into BDSM, I'm a little, I don't switch. I've only had a few experiences of kink with other women but it's something I've enjoyed and am definitely interested in doing more often. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im heavily into it, im a submissive and been living the lifestyle 6 years but following it for about 8 yrs. I could talk about it all day

Would it be ok for you to share how you realised you were a sub (and not a Domme) and how you started and found out what your limits were?

P x

Very simple tbh, I actually read 50 shades and knew I wanted to be tied, spanked flogged etc. I always fantasised about being tied up and a strong man controlling me. I didnt know what a submissive was till I read that book. I know its corny to some but a life changer for me . Ive never wanted to take charge thats foreign to me tbh. Being a submissive makes me feel free xx

I love this! I don't think it's corny at all.

Its not tbh but I usually get back lash for mentioning it lol"

I get shit when I stick up for the books but don't care. I think they gave a LOT of women the confidence to ask for what they want and like.

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"Im heavily into it, im a submissive and been living the lifestyle 6 years but following it for about 8 yrs. I could talk about it all day

Would it be ok for you to share how you realised you were a sub (and not a Domme) and how you started and found out what your limits were?

P x

Very simple tbh, I actually read 50 shades and knew I wanted to be tied, spanked flogged etc. I always fantasised about being tied up and a strong man controlling me. I didnt know what a submissive was till I read that book. I know its corny to some but a life changer for me . Ive never wanted to take charge thats foreign to me tbh. Being a submissive makes me feel free xx

I love this! I don't think it's corny at all.

Its not tbh but I usually get back lash for mentioning it lol

I get shit when I stick up for the books but don't care. I think they gave a LOT of women the confidence to ask for what they want and like. "

Good for you! I have not read the book but if it made you discover your sub side that can only be more power to you.

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By *inranWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"

So what happened to the mentorship culture? "

It's still there to some extent. But there's more events and venues. More people by far and lots of commercial events offering to teach skills. So it's just all bigger and shinier than it used to be a lot smaller publicly.

To be honest, I have taken classes and sought help from some people but I have maybe seeked less help more recently too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im heavily into it, im a submissive and been living the lifestyle 6 years but following it for about 8 yrs. I could talk about it all day

Would it be ok for you to share how you realised you were a sub (and not a Domme) and how you started and found out what your limits were?

P x

Very simple tbh, I actually read 50 shades and knew I wanted to be tied, spanked flogged etc. I always fantasised about being tied up and a strong man controlling me. I didnt know what a submissive was till I read that book. I know its corny to some but a life changer for me . Ive never wanted to take charge thats foreign to me tbh. Being a submissive makes me feel free xx

I love this! I don't think it's corny at all.

Its not tbh but I usually get back lash for mentioning it lol

I get shit when I stick up for the books but don't care. I think they gave a LOT of women the confidence to ask for what they want and like.

Good for you! I have not read the book but if it made you discover your sub side that can only be more power to you."

No they didn't help me, I already knew my preferences.

X

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By *occerstar579Man
over a year ago

Harrogate

Reading with interest as my fwb on here is female who enjoys bdsm both on males and females.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just before lockdown started I had played with a young lady a couple of times and we were getting to know each other. Sadly Covid 19 put a stop to that. Hopefully we can pick up when things are back to the new normal. I enjoy bdsm with this young lady, she's a good girl most of the time.

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By *lice MaliceWoman
over a year ago

The Facility

Always happy to chat BDSM with other women.

I got into it just over eleven years ago after chatting to a guy in a vanilla chat room (Lycos) and it was a bit of an epiphany for me. Once I'd realised I was submissive everything looked different, smelt, tasted, sounded different. It was a real turning point and changed my life.

I started out as submissive and was adamant that was all I would ever be, but I've evolved since then and now switch but it takes the right connection to bring that side out.

I've met some incredible people along the way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bookmarking this post!!

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By *avhonaWoman
over a year ago

Away with the faeries

This is very interesting.

I've taken the quiz and I feel like I'd need to take it twice. Once from the perspective of being with a man and again from the angle of being with a woman.

In my experience, I've always been very sub with men.

In my (somewhat limited) experience I've been more "Domme" with a female. I'd love to explore this more. Or perhaps watch a true Domme with a sub woman..in action.

Definitely food for thought x

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"This is very interesting.

I've taken the quiz and I feel like I'd need to take it twice. Once from the perspective of being with a man and again from the angle of being with a woman.

In my experience, I've always been very sub with men.

In my (somewhat limited) experience I've been more "Domme" with a female. I'd love to explore this more. Or perhaps watch a true Domme with a sub woman..in action.

Definitely food for thought x "

Me! Me! Me!

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia

[Removed by poster at 28/05/20 19:05:59]

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia

[Removed by poster at 28/05/20 19:08:47]

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"Always happy to chat BDSM with other women.

I got into it just over eleven years ago after chatting to a guy in a vanilla chat room (Lycos) and it was a bit of an epiphany for me. Once I'd realised I was submissive everything looked different, smelt, tasted, sounded different. It was a real turning point and changed my life.

I started out as submissive and was adamant that was all I would ever be, but I've evolved since then and now switch but it takes the right connection to bring that side out.

I've met some incredible people along the way."

That's a really interesting journey. I am just at the very beginning of my sub journey (I am at the 'Go' sign) but am looking forward to the experiences. It's really interesting how you evolved. How did that happen?

Maybe we should set up a chat to carry the conversation on via Kik or Telegram?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm very submissive with men, have never done that with a woman, but it's something that has come up in conversation recently, and is something I'd Like to explore

Hey HP! Would you call yourself a 'sub' so to speak? Would you want to be dommed by a Domme?

Yes, I do call myself submissive, and actively look for Doms, but I'm interested in exploring it with a woman, we will see what happens

Good luck on your journey!"

Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Bookmarking this post!! "

Why? It's women for women?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always thought I would only be able to submit to a man...until I submitted to a woman. I've found that as I indentify as a brat I struggle more with woman and they will put up with much less of my shit than a man will.

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By *inranWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"Always happy to chat BDSM with other women.

I got into it just over eleven years ago after chatting to a guy in a vanilla chat room (Lycos) and it was a bit of an epiphany for me. Once I'd realised I was submissive everything looked different, smelt, tasted, sounded different. It was a real turning point and changed my life.

I started out as submissive and was adamant that was all I would ever be, but I've evolved since then and now switch but it takes the right connection to bring that side out.

I've met some incredible people along the way.

That's a really interesting journey. I am just at the very beginning of my sub journey (I am at the 'Go' sign) but am looking forward to the experiences. It's really interesting how you evolved. How did that happen?

Maybe we should set up a chat to carry the conversation on via Kik or Telegram?"

I'd be up for telegram

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By *lice MaliceWoman
over a year ago

The Facility


"That's a really interesting journey. I am just at the very beginning of my sub journey (I am at the 'Go' sign) but am looking forward to the experiences. It's really interesting how you evolved. How did that happen?

Maybe we should set up a chat to carry the conversation on via Kik or Telegram?"

I think the best piece of advice I was given at the beginning was 'trust yourself'. You have to trust yourself before you can trust anyone else and BDSM requires a lot of trust. Listen to your gut and communicate. Ask questions if you don't know something.

I was lucky that I was encouraged to join the local BDSM scene and as a result have had some amazing experiences.

The community is a great place to learn safely, attend workshops, there's even a two day annual kink conference (Kinkfest).

I'm not sure why I evolved from sub but I found a sadistic side and well, it's fun hurting people (consensually )

I only chat here, don't have kik or Telegram.

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"That's a really interesting journey. I am just at the very beginning of my sub journey (I am at the 'Go' sign) but am looking forward to the experiences. It's really interesting how you evolved. How did that happen?

Maybe we should set up a chat to carry the conversation on via Kik or Telegram?

I think the best piece of advice I was given at the beginning was 'trust yourself'. You have to trust yourself before you can trust anyone else and BDSM requires a lot of trust. Listen to your gut and communicate. Ask questions if you don't know something.

I was lucky that I was encouraged to join the local BDSM scene and as a result have had some amazing experiences.

The community is a great place to learn safely, attend workshops, there's even a two day annual kink conference (Kinkfest).

I'm not sure why I evolved from sub but I found a sadistic side and well, it's fun hurting people (consensually )

I only chat here, don't have kik or Telegram."

I will check out the event once lockdown ends.

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By *inranWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

You can meet some lovely people on the local scene


"That's a really interesting journey. I am just at the very beginning of my sub journey (I am at the 'Go' sign) but am looking forward to the experiences. It's really interesting how you evolved. How did that happen?

Maybe we should set up a chat to carry the conversation on via Kik or Telegram?

I think the best piece of advice I was given at the beginning was 'trust yourself'. You have to trust yourself before you can trust anyone else and BDSM requires a lot of trust. Listen to your gut and communicate. Ask questions if you don't know something.

I was lucky that I was encouraged to join the local BDSM scene and as a result have had some amazing experiences.

The community is a great place to learn safely, attend workshops, there's even a two day annual kink conference (Kinkfest).

I'm not sure why I evolved from sub but I found a sadistic side and well, it's fun hurting people (consensually )

I only chat here, don't have kik or Telegram."

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

I'm a switch and mostly top other women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm a switch and mostly top other women. "

Brilliant

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By *lice MaliceWoman
over a year ago

The Facility


"You can meet some lovely people on the local scene "

Really need to catch up once it's safe to do so x

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By *inranWoman
over a year ago

Dudley

Absolutely we should.

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia

That would be awesome!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm into it. I've dabbled a bit with my husband, but he's not so interested. I've been trying things out a bit more with a woman I met at a club though

I think I'm a switch, I lean more towards submissive but I can domme if needed and I get off on the other person enjoying it.

I'm very rarely submissive with men, especially men I don't know so we'll. I guess I don't like feeling so vulnerable with men unless I really trust them."

I was into the scene years ago and enjoyed it as a sub, now I'm probably a switch as I wouldn't be submissive to a man. Woman on the other hand I could be a sub too. I think it could be as I have a strong belief in female empowerment that it's not for me to have a Male dom.

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

This is something I am looking into. I am switch with D and always have been.

When playing with women I appear to be quite domme. Also when playing online with Men I quickly established a more dominant role.

I would love to expand on this and learn more about the role in more detail. I would like ideally to find a female (Mistress) to show me the ropes (Pun intended) as I already have a couple of female subs awaiting orders

It would be great to speak to others in the know.

Jo.Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m completely submissive and have a huge fantasy about being dominated by another woman.

L x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting conversation. I tend to be naturally submissive to men if I get the right feel from them. I had been considering being sub with a woman too as part of a couple, but got no further than talking about it. I dont know if I could naturally submit to a woman,I would feel more like pairing up with her and switching to both dom over the man. willing to explore the whole thing though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm a switch and mostly top other women. "

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By *inranWoman
over a year ago

Dudley


"This is something I am looking into. I am switch with D and always have been.

When playing with women I appear to be quite domme. Also when playing online with Men I quickly established a more dominant role.

I would love to expand on this and learn more about the role in more detail. I would like ideally to find a female (Mistress) to show me the ropes (Pun intended) as I already have a couple of female subs awaiting orders

It would be great to speak to others in the know.

Jo.Xx "

If there's anything I could help with shout. Also amusingly ropes a speciality x

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By *ill-Ian KissesCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere over there

I had the experience of being introduced to the scene by a fabber as a sub; but he handled it wrong and broke my trust in the end so it stopped.

However, I thoroughly enjoy being a Domme; issuing commands and the adrenaline rush I get from it, Ian sees it in me (when I’ve worked on someone) which he enjoys as he’s a terrible sub! I think anything new, I need to experience myself first, so then I’m confident on doing on someone else. I had been trying to go to classes for rope work before CV-19, so hopefully can take them back up. I’ve worked on both men & women, mostly with my flogger.

Millie x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm into it. I've dabbled a bit with my husband, but he's not so interested. I've been trying things out a bit more with a woman I met at a club though

I think I'm a switch, I lean more towards submissive but I can domme if needed and I get off on the other person enjoying it.

I'm very rarely submissive with men, especially men I don't know so we'll. I guess I don't like feeling so vulnerable with men unless I really trust them.

I was into the scene years ago and enjoyed it as a sub, now I'm probably a switch as I wouldn't be submissive to a man. Woman on the other hand I could be a sub too. I think it could be as I have a strong belief in female empowerment that it's not for me to have a Male dom."

Tbh I think the thing that really changed it for me was that I met a guy I'd been talking to for a while at a club, we'd never talked about BDSM or kinks or limits, and he put his hands around my throat without asking. I hated that vulnerability where he felt he could do whatever he wanted to me and I couldn't do anything about it. I can't imagine someone having that power trip with me fully restrained or tied or anything.

I've pretty much set myself a rule now that I won't meet any new men at all until I'm strong enough and fit enough to defend myself if I need to. It's a sad state of affairs that it's got to that stage though

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford


"Tbh I think the thing that really changed it for me was that I met a guy I'd been talking to for a while at a club, we'd never talked about BDSM or kinks or limits, and he put his hands around my throat without asking. I hated that vulnerability where he felt he could do whatever he wanted to me and I couldn't do anything about it. I can't imagine someone having that power trip with me fully restrained or tied or anything.

I've pretty much set myself a rule now that I won't meet any new men at all until I'm strong enough and fit enough to defend myself if I need to. It's a sad state of affairs that it's got to that stage though "

That’s not really about BDSM, nor about being stronger so you can defend yourself. It’s about an idiot who doesn’t understand consent.

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By *ulahlollipopWoman
over a year ago

Reading/London


"Are there women who only ever domme/sub to other women, no man ever involved. Is there such a thing outside of gay relationships?

Genuine question "

Yes there are, but why would you discount women in lesbian d/s relationships? The D/s dynamic often occurs within relationships for hetero couples

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"I always thought I would only be able to submit to a man...until I submitted to a woman. I've found that as I indentify as a brat I struggle more with woman and they will put up with much less of my shit than a man will. "

I did the test and suprised myself with being a brat as well. Sounds fun!

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"I'm into it. I've dabbled a bit with my husband, but he's not so interested. I've been trying things out a bit more with a woman I met at a club though

I think I'm a switch, I lean more towards submissive but I can domme if needed and I get off on the other person enjoying it.

I'm very rarely submissive with men, especially men I don't know so we'll. I guess I don't like feeling so vulnerable with men unless I really trust them.

I was into the scene years ago and enjoyed it as a sub, now I'm probably a switch as I wouldn't be submissive to a man. Woman on the other hand I could be a sub too. I think it could be as I have a strong belief in female empowerment that it's not for me to have a Male dom."

It is really interesting how some of the posts have said the same that they would feel comfortable being a sub with another women.

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"This is something I am looking into. I am switch with D and always have been.

When playing with women I appear to be quite domme. Also when playing online with Men I quickly established a more dominant role.

I would love to expand on this and learn more about the role in more detail. I would like ideally to find a female (Mistress) to show me the ropes (Pun intended) as I already have a couple of female subs awaiting orders

It would be great to speak to others in the know.

Jo.Xx "

Let us all know when you find one!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would be interested too xx

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"I’m completely submissive and have a huge fantasy about being dominated by another woman.

L x"

Totally agree! VJ at the Annexe has hung up her Domme boots but used to run Domme classes. Maybe Xinran can fill that gap?!

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"I had the experience of being introduced to the scene by a fabber as a sub; but he handled it wrong and broke my trust in the end so it stopped.

However, I thoroughly enjoy being a Domme; issuing commands and the adrenaline rush I get from it, Ian sees it in me (when I’ve worked on someone) which he enjoys as he’s a terrible sub! I think anything new, I need to experience myself first, so then I’m confident on doing on someone else. I had been trying to go to classes for rope work before CV-19, so hopefully can take them back up. I’ve worked on both men & women, mostly with my flogger.

Millie x"

Hi Millie

Sorry to hear about your experience of being a sub. Trust is such an important thing as well. I am glad you have found your inner Domme!

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"Tbh I think the thing that really changed it for me was that I met a guy I'd been talking to for a while at a club, we'd never talked about BDSM or kinks or limits, and he put his hands around my throat without asking. I hated that vulnerability where he felt he could do whatever he wanted to me and I couldn't do anything about it. I can't imagine someone having that power trip with me fully restrained or tied or anything.

I've pretty much set myself a rule now that I won't meet any new men at all until I'm strong enough and fit enough to defend myself if I need to. It's a sad state of affairs that it's got to that stage though

That’s not really about BDSM, nor about being stronger so you can defend yourself. It’s about an idiot who doesn’t understand consent."

It also shows how little he knows about BDSM and that any Dom/Domme worth their salt will agree limits, safe words and follow them by the book at a meet. He was a tosser. My wife always talks to any new potential Doms for quite a while before meeting them for a social (coffee) and then decides whether to plan anything. It is not a fool-proof process but it works most of the time. You should not have to feel you can only practice BDSM if you are strong enough to defend yourself - unless you consent to this.

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By *sylocke OP   Woman
over a year ago

East Anglia


"Are there women who only ever domme/sub to other women, no man ever involved. Is there such a thing outside of gay relationships?

Genuine question

Yes there are, but why would you discount women in lesbian d/s relationships? The D/s dynamic often occurs within relationships for hetero couples "

Agreed!

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By *ill-Ian KissesCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere over there


"I had the experience of being introduced to the scene by a fabber as a sub; but he handled it wrong and broke my trust in the end so it stopped.

However, I thoroughly enjoy being a Domme; issuing commands and the adrenaline rush I get from it, Ian sees it in me (when I’ve worked on someone) which he enjoys as he’s a terrible sub! I think anything new, I need to experience myself first, so then I’m confident on doing on someone else. I had been trying to go to classes for rope work before CV-19, so hopefully can take them back up. I’ve worked on both men & women, mostly with my flogger.

Millie x

Hi Millie

Sorry to hear about your experience of being a sub. Trust is such an important thing as well. I am glad you have found your inner Domme!"

Thank you.

I’ve had a few ppl ask me at the club to work on them, and as you say; safe words & agreed limits are KEY. I use the traffic light system as I have hearing difficulties so need something clear to hear and will constantly check on their status. I NEVER work on anyone if either I or they have been drinking and deliberately leave gear at home if I’m planning on drinking.

I’m enjoying trying new things and testing some boundaries but I know I’m on the ‘newer’ end of the scale.

Millie

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By *ill-Ian KissesCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere over there


"Tbh I think the thing that really changed it for me was that I met a guy I'd been talking to for a while at a club, we'd never talked about BDSM or kinks or limits, and he put his hands around my throat without asking. I hated that vulnerability where he felt he could do whatever he wanted to me and I couldn't do anything about it. I can't imagine someone having that power trip with me fully restrained or tied or anything.

I've pretty much set myself a rule now that I won't meet any new men at all until I'm strong enough and fit enough to defend myself if I need to. It's a sad state of affairs that it's got to that stage though

That’s not really about BDSM, nor about being stronger so you can defend yourself. It’s about an idiot who doesn’t understand consent."

Agree what’s worse is that was assault. Any true Dom/Domme and sub would have safe words and set limits.

Millie x

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I apologise for jumping into a thread for women about women.

But I have to disagree entirely with the second sentence of the above response on two grounds. Firstly it uses the dreaded "true dom and true sub" concept which is not established and is subject to debate. Secondly coupling the use of safe words to the true dom and true sub concept I believe is wrong.

Firstly I would say that I agree with what happened was an assault. Also that I nearly always use safe words, but here is the rub not all subs use safe words. I have run into a few who were very experienced and did not use safewords and they are not being foolish. There are doms that don't use safe words and they are not necessarily being arrogant and abusive. The reasoning goes like this. If you are experienced and are focussed on the sub and paying full and proper attention to the sub the dom will be aware when the sub is distressed by noticing the physical indicators and thereby will know when to end the scene. Their view is that use of a safe word creates a false illusion of safety which absolves the dom/me of the responsibility of being extra vigilant of the sub's condition that may require ending a scene before the safe word is used.

Therefore it is really a matter for the dom/me's and the sub's personal decision on how the dom/me or sub handle risk. It is not simply whether a person is a true sub or true dom.

I am a great believer in safe and consensual bdsm. I think newbie subs need to have access to information on how to be safe when starting in this lifestyle. I would suggest they need to do their reading around the subject of meeting people and how to be safe in doing so. Also they need an understanding of negotiation ans knowing what is or is not safe play and what are their options. You can't rely on another person to be honest. This applies regardless of the gender.

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By *ill-Ian KissesCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere over there


"I apologise for jumping into a thread for women about women.

But I have to disagree entirely with the second sentence of the above response on two grounds. Firstly it uses the dreaded "true dom and true sub" concept which is not established and is subject to debate. Secondly coupling the use of safe words to the true dom and true sub concept I believe is wrong.

Firstly I would say that I agree with what happened was an assault. Also that I nearly always use safe words, but here is the rub not all subs use safe words. I have run into a few who were very experienced and did not use safewords and they are not being foolish. There are doms that don't use safe words and they are not necessarily being arrogant and abusive. The reasoning goes like this. If you are experienced and are focussed on the sub and paying full and proper attention to the sub the dom will be aware when the sub is distressed by noticing the physical indicators and thereby will know when to end the scene. Their view is that use of a safe word creates a false illusion of safety which absolves the dom/me of the responsibility of being extra vigilant of the sub's condition that may require ending a scene before the safe word is used.

Therefore it is really a matter for the dom/me's and the sub's personal decision on how the dom/me or sub handle risk. It is not simply whether a person is a true sub or true dom.

I am a great believer in safe and consensual bdsm. I think newbie subs need to have access to information on how to be safe when starting in this lifestyle. I would suggest they need to do their reading around the subject of meeting people and how to be safe in doing so. Also they need an understanding of negotiation ans knowing what is or is not safe play and what are their options. You can't rely on another person to be honest. This applies regardless of the gender.

"

When I said true sub/Dom using safe words, I’m aware that some don’t; I’ve observed couples where it’s the body language or with one couple in particular the F sub indicates her tolerance by the raising of her leg when being flogged.

I stand corrected on that count. I have stopped when I’ve observed the sub has not replied back to me in a way I’m happy and as someone who is Deaf; I constantly watch people’s (vanilla and fab/kink) body language rather than rely on words. In general terms, there should always be a discussion about parameters and limits and consent is key.

Millie

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