FabSwingers.com forum: ‘Coming out’ as bisexual

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just interested in peoples experiences and opinions really, particularly the female perspective!

I think I’ve always known I was bi but I went straight into a relationship with one guy through from when I was 16 to 25, so I hadn’t had chance to experiment or really act on anything until we started swinging (probably the last year or so of our relationship).

From there I was able to finally be with a girl sexually and knew absolutely, yes I love this!

But as this was part of my ‘swinging’ experiences which I have always kept completely to myself, I realised I have never actually told anyone around me ie. friends or family that I’m bi!

It only occurred to me when I went to share a funny video about being bi in a group chat with my regular friends, almost without thinking as I’m so open about it on here!

Sorry for the essay, but I guess my question is, do you think it’s necessary to ‘come out’ as bi? Atm I’m not sure if I could see myself dating a woman, but never say never! Would that make a difference to you, if you were only bi for the sex side of things, or would you keep that to yourself as you might with the rest of your sex life? I know it’s all personal choice but just curious about others experiences of this!

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By *egalBeetleWoman
over a year ago

London

I knew I was buy in secondary school and experimented lightly.

Always told my close friends I was bi/into bdsm/open to new sexual experiences.

For me this was fueled that I needed to keep safe in (what was at the time) a new country with very little family around.

Most of my friends are very conservative, so they worry a lot about the crap I get into lol but noone wondered if I'm into them sexually.

I've always found it funny that if you're bi or think you're bi, it's only true if you've "tested it". Noones asking anyone to test their gay/straightness lol.

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By *ud and BryanCouple
over a year ago

Boston, Lincolnshire

Caroline came out to family & friends at her 40th birthday party - by smooching and snogging our then girlfriend - to the tune of Secret Love by Doris Day.

Everyone stared for a while, but said nothing.

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By *egalBeetleWoman
over a year ago

London

*bi ... goddamn auto-correct

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never felt the need to come out. If it comes up in conversation then i have no issues with it. One doesn't come out as straight so why do we need to tell everyone our sexual orientation. If it's something you feel strongly you want your friends and family to know then tell them but never feel ashamed if you don't want to shout about it either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I came out as bi years ago, and I've always known I liked other females. I actually thought I was a lesbian for a while. (I'm very rarely attracted to men).

I don't think I 'needed' to come out, but I wanted to, 1) in case I ended up dating a woman and 2) because it's just part of who I am and I didn't want to hide it =)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate the notion of having to "come out" as anything sexually as it's nobody's bloody business to be honest.

I detest the media for it's obsession about gay people, they always have to mention someone is gay in their reporting "if they are gay" but never report as "straight footballer" has done this or that...

If someone sees you OP walking hand in hand with another lady or see you snogging a woman then I think they'd get the picture

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I came out as bi years ago, and I've always known I liked other females. I actually thought I was a lesbian for a while. (I'm very rarely attracted to men).

I don't think I 'needed' to come out, but I wanted to, 1) in case I ended up dating a woman and 2) because it's just part of who I am and I didn't want to hide it =)"

I think this is my thing, it’s not really relevant until I potentially date a woman, and I feel like that could be a possibility going forward if I met the right person! I don’t feel like I need to, or that anyone would have an issue, I think it’s more just the timing as it’s less obvious than being gay I guess!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I hate the notion of having to "come out" as anything sexually as it's nobody's bloody business to be honest.

If someone sees you OP walking hand in hand with another lady or see you snogging a woman then I think they'd get the picture

Absolutely, and I think it all comes down to whether an individual decides to or not, no right or wrong and absolutely no ones business really!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In some respects no I dont but then I am pretty much a loner with no more than my gf and one friend..both know all my secrets and obviously gf is a part of my bi side as we are both bi. I dont mix with anyone else so no point. But then again yes. My friend didn t know and when gf got to know me she didn t obviously but for me in their cases I didn t want to tiptoe around anything so I revealed everything including my occassional dressing. It makes life so much easier.

Make sense?

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By *eeks-R-UsCouple
over a year ago

Livingston

Confided in my girl friends when I was 13 and told them I was bi. Unfortunately they then spread that around the school like wildfire and the other kids weren't exactly accepting. The backlash I got was so bad I denied everything and put it down to gossip.

Due to that it really put me off coming out to anyone else, especially family. So it stayed bottled up with me until I met my husband who was so sweet and accepting of me it was such a lovely feeling. He made me so relaxed about it that I blurted it out to my mum last year when we were out for lunch! Mentioned dating a girl briefly and then the penny dropped.. I was already in to so just 'came out' with it. She was amazing about it and incredibly supportive. Wish I told her sooner honestly. You live and you learn eh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I realise you are looking for women’s advice on the matter, but I kept it secret from everyone in my life. I realised I needed to tell someone, after 25 years of living with the confusion that I may be a bit ‘strange’

I told my wife when we first met and in fact she embraced the idea. One thing I wish is that I told people when I was younger, but I was afraid that I would be bullied even more for it!

There isn’t a right or wrong time or answer I believe to your question. But when the moment or the person feels right, go for it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I hate the notion of having to "come out" as anything sexually as it's nobody's bloody business to be honest.

If someone sees you OP walking hand in hand with another lady or see you snogging a woman then I think they'd get the picture

I don't think anyone should 'come out'. It's no-one else's business. Straights don't have to 'admit' they are straight.

OP remember once you are 'out' you can't ever go back in the closet. Your mates may be fine with it but other people may take the piss or be stupid about your sexuality. Do you want that?

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

I told our eldest son (our other children are too young) and a few close friends know, but that's it. I don't feel the need to tell anyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just told my family. I'm not straight, gay or bi.

I fancy the person not the gender.

They were fine

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By *iercedlotsCouple
over a year ago

Stoke-on-Trent

I have a lot of fun with the ladies in clubs but I don't feel the need to come out to anyone socially or in the family. I cant see a positive at all to it . The trouble with coming out is that you have to explain yourself over and over again. Sod it . Those who need to know are aware.

Its nobody elses business.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thankyou for all the replies!

if I decide to it’s definitely not going to be some big song and dance, and I know everyone who I would tell would be supportive

I think my approach now is that I might if decide to be open to dating girls too, as I’d have to put myself out there, ie. on dating apps, and the thought that someone I know could see me is just a little daunting!

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