FabSwingers.com forum: Self esteem and tolerance.

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I recently blocked my most recent ex on WhatsApp, my phone, and all social media so no way of being contacted.

I’m having little wobbles of regret but felt a bit empowered as well. He wasn’t nasty at all just would contact me on his terms, when he wanted entertaining and pictures and what not.

My best mate said I should’ve done it ages ago and I think if I was in a better head space I would have but I do struggle with self esteem despite me not having a problem with how I look.

They say when you truly love yourself your taste in men changes. I’m trying to be more like my friend, she’s brutal, any sniff or sign of disrespect and she blocks guys instantly. She blocks guys if they read a message and don’t reply for hours whereas I’d allow a guy to read a message and not get back to me for days, despite seeing him online many times after reading. I tolerate way more than I should and I’m trying to turn that around.

Don’t really know I’m asking, just putting it out there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After three years of being messed about by a fwb, I did the same. There comes a point when you know that boomeranging back and forth into an unhealthy or unsatisfactory relationship won't change a thing, and you have to cut ties.

Don't cave, keep him blocked, move him. Your worth is immeasurable, Annie.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gaining control back is such an empowering thing. Trust me. Stick with it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I understand the rationale, but maybe it leaves you feeling the painful emotions as opposed to releasing them.

Sure if you're messed about walk away. Why not simply express how you feel and let them know before removing their details from phone. You've respected yourself, drawn a line under it and informed them in no uncertain terms and now move on. Closure is best if you can get it I found. Hope it works.

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

You always seem to have a good gauge of when people are dicking you around so you are right to trust your instincts and stop contact.

I don't think taste changes but that word you use... tolerance. Our tolerance to bullshit gets lower the more we respect ourselves.

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By *toC Thats MeWoman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Good for you. It’s for the best, because you know that he can’t contact you now. No one is ever too busy to reply or make time for you if they really want to xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good for you. If they don't make any effort, what's the point? I am a bit needy with attention, in a physical sense. If I don't feel like I'm getting the same back, it bothers me.

Im glad you feel empowered. Keep enjoying those feelings. We need to learn to love ourselves before we can truly love another.

That's enough philosophising for one day from me xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You know when someone’s not feeling it and you’re just a convenience, like I personally won’t leave someone on read, if I’m too busy to reply then I’m too busy to even open the message in the first place. Also with my time, I’m not too precious or occupied to never know when I’d be free, like I know what I’ve gotta do week to week and I can plan when I can be available.

I don’t believe anyone is too busy to never know when they’re free and that’s not including now with lockdown I’m talking when I’m in all my jobs and my daughter has after school classes every day of the week, she stays with her father every other weekend so I know I always know when I’m available.

If you really like someone you make them one of your priorities and you can feel it in your guts when you’re not on someone’s list of priorities.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you really like someone you make them one of your priorities and you can feel it in your guts when you’re not on someone’s list of priorities.

That's a very valid point. And as they say: people dont change, their priorities do. If you are somewhere down in their hierarchy of needs and wants and you require more.. why stick around?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why."

Women get a more emotional connection than men, which is harder to walk away from

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why."

Not just women. I guess people with insecure adult attachment do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why.

Women get a more emotional connection than men, which is harder to walk away from "

Is that an excuse to stay with a guy who calls you a whore and hopes you get r****?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why.

Women get a more emotional connection than men, which is harder to walk away from

Is that an excuse to stay with a guy who calls you a whore and hopes you get r****?"

Im not sure that's what the OP meant but if anyone did that, he'd be out the door before he even knew it!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why.

Not just women. I guess people with insecure adult attachment do. "

Perhaps, I just didn't have any men confessing to me about it, so can't comment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why.

Women get a more emotional connection than men, which is harder to walk away from

Is that an excuse to stay with a guy who calls you a whore and hopes you get r****?

Im not sure that's what the OP meant but if anyone did that, he'd be out the door before he even knew it!!

It's not about the OP, just someone I met. It is sad to see how our minds can be our own prison sometimes.

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By *orkshireBeef26Man
over a year ago

Kirkella

"Good for you. It’s for the best, because you know that he can’t contact you now. No one is ever too busy to reply or make time for you if they really want to xx"

Hear Hear .. That's so true!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I recently blocked my most recent ex on WhatsApp, my phone, and all social media so no way of being contacted.

I’m having little wobbles of regret but felt a bit empowered as well. He wasn’t nasty at all just would contact me on his terms, when he wanted entertaining and pictures and what not.

My best mate said I should’ve done it ages ago and I think if I was in a better head space I would have but I do struggle with self esteem despite me not having a problem with how I look.

Don’t really know I’m asking, just putting it out there. "
being tolerant is a good thing not a bad thing, if your ex deserves to be blocked block him but never ever do anything because somebody else tells you to, being confident and being arrogant are two totally different things and in this invironment they are easily mistaken

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why.

Women get a more emotional connection than men, which is harder to walk away from

Is that an excuse to stay with a guy who calls you a whore and hopes you get r****?"

Mine wasn’t as extreme as that. I felt like a puppet and he enjoyed that. Like in the beginning was all like can’t believe he’s with the person he’s had a crush on since he was a teenager, then after we parted ways but started speaking again everything was on his terms. Cos I’m a bit bored/lonely/wanting male attention/still think he’s cute, I’ve jumped whenever he’s wanted stuff be that a fuck, videos/pics. Feel like a bit of a fool if I’m honest. So I’ve had to say to myself, look I’m worth more than being someone’s entertainment so you can fuck off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A bit fanatical of your friend to expect others to jump to it for her sake.

She sounds far too possessive!

A web fiend,

prowling the internet for signs of her 'subjects'.

Deleting and excreting at will.

One keyboard touch away from total pleasure.

Your better off staying as you are.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A bit fanatical of your friend to expect others to jump to it for her sake.

She sounds far too possessive!

A web fiend,

prowling the internet for signs of her 'subjects'.

Deleting and excreting at will.

One keyboard touch away from total pleasure.

Your better off staying as you are.

I’m really not and it is better to just block at the first sign of disrespect before you get too invested. I think that’s a much better way to be. Also I KNOW I still owe you the London market picture! Tomorrow I’ll be running that road. Different route today, gotta switch it up!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A bit fanatical of your friend to expect others to jump to it for her sake.

She sounds far too possessive!

A web fiend,

prowling the internet for signs of her 'subjects'.

Deleting and excreting at will.

One keyboard touch away from total pleasure.

Your better off staying as you are.

Disrespect is one thing, but because someone is online but hasn't answered her message yet? Are ALL her messages THAT important?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It’s jut a gut feeling you get. You know when you need to stop something. If someone isn’t making you feel good or if someone is making you look at your phone to see if they’ve answered you yet then just remove them. That’s what I’m gonna do from now on.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

If someone thinks you’re the bees knees they wouldn’t mess you about. They’d message/reply whatever sooner rather than later because they’re interested. They don’t play games.

But also, folk get busy.

I’m pretty no nonsense when it comes to men as i have an overly high opinion of myself (even if no-one else does). But some men would call me high maintenance and pretty unforgiving.

To my mind, Life is too short to put up with wishy washy relationships and behaviour. We all deserve the best - so folk should get the best for them and stop putting their own thoughts and feelings second.

And lets face it, we all know when we are being jerked around, because we get that “feeling”.

That feeling is instinct. Not trapped wind.

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By *abonWoman
over a year ago

L’boro/Ashby & Cheltenham

Maybe have a look at trauma bonds, OP, and negative intimacy. Both reasons why people stay connected with people who make them feel bad.

I am trying to aim for the middle of you and your friend. Responsive within reason, and a benefit of the doubt giver (esp when chatting by text) within reason too. But yes, very empowering to state a boundary and stick with it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If someone thinks you’re the bees knees they wouldn’t mess you about. They’d message/reply whatever sooner rather than later because they’re interested. They don’t play games.

But also, folk get busy.

I’m pretty no nonsense when it comes to men as i have an overly high opinion of myself (even if no-one else does). But some men would call me high maintenance and pretty unforgiving.

And lets face it, we all know when we are being jerked around, because we get that “feeling”.

That feeling is instinct. Not trapped wind.

100% this is what I need to be like. I let so much slide and ignore my gut feeling cos I’m hoping for something to come from it, if I made myself more high value and made it clear that I won’t tolerate any kind of bull shit or wishy washiness then that can’t be a bad trait to have.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A bit fanatical of your friend to expect others to jump to it for her sake.

She sounds far too possessive!

A web fiend,

prowling the internet for signs of her 'subjects'.

Deleting and excreting at will.

One keyboard touch away from total pleasure.

Your better off staying as you are.

Disrespect is one thing, but because someone is online but hasn't answered her message yet? Are ALL her messages THAT important? "

I quite agree here.

To block someone for not replying to your message within your specified time range is a bit extreme.

Our first priority is to ourselves, I don't expect anyone to feel obligated to reply the second they read a message.

It's one click and one second for me to read something, can take me minutes to form a reply.

Sometimes people are busy, something happens but above all that no one should be expected to pander to someone else like that just to keep them happy.

It's someone's actions and the words they say that dictate how much they value me.

Also if someone had a problem me being online and not replying to them then I would instantly think of that person as needy, controlling, arrogant for expecting or demanding my time and pretty much everything I'd like to avoid. Sometimes people don't want to message and will reply when they want to for a variety of reasons.

Sorry for rant, I've just encountered this so much on both sides and being made to feel like I have to do something

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why."

Because from birth women are subtly told that loyalty, modesty and subservience are good qualities along with humility. Women who don't behave that way are frequently criticised

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's definitely a correlation there OP. I started counselling around this time last year and that helped me have the self confidence to block one of my exes out of my life. As far as I'm concerned, if I can push the person who I once thought was the love of my life

out of my life then I can sack anyone off if I feel the need.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that a woman is a powerful creature, very rarely are they at a mercy of a man and lookimg at you Annie, no man would ever have a hold on you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why.

Because from birth women are subtly told that loyalty, modesty and subservience are good qualities along with humility. Women who don't behave that way are frequently criticised "

Where are the parents?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A bit fanatical of your friend to expect others to jump to it for her sake.

She sounds far too possessive!

A web fiend,

prowling the internet for signs of her 'subjects'.

Deleting and excreting at will.

One keyboard touch away from total pleasure.

Your better off staying as you are.

Disrespect is one thing, but because someone is online but hasn't answered her message yet? Are ALL her messages THAT important?

I quite agree here.

To block someone for not replying to your message within your specified time range is a bit extreme.

Our first priority is to ourselves, I don't expect anyone to feel obligated to reply the second they read a message.

It's one click and one second for me to read something, can take me minutes to form a reply.

Sometimes people are busy, something happens but above all that no one should be expected to pander to someone else like that just to keep them happy.

It's someone's actions and the words they say that dictate how much they value me.

Sorry for rant, I've just encountered this so much on both sides and being made to feel like I have to do something

"
I have to applaud these comments, and the other person who mentioned WE KNOW when we are being jerked around.

To have ANY type of decent relationship an individual HAS to

take a chance on being 'potentially' jerked around.

Then can respond decisively by ending it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A bit fanatical of your friend to expect others to jump to it for her sake.

She sounds far too possessive!

A web fiend,

prowling the internet for signs of her 'subjects'.

Deleting and excreting at will.

One keyboard touch away from total pleasure.

Your better off staying as you are.

Disrespect is one thing, but because someone is online but hasn't answered her message yet? Are ALL her messages THAT important?

I quite agree here.

To block someone for not replying to your message within your specified time range is a bit extreme.

Our first priority is to ourselves, I don't expect anyone to feel obligated to reply the second they read a message.

It's one click and one second for me to read something, can take me minutes to form a reply.

Sometimes people are busy, something happens but above all that no one should be expected to pander to someone else like that just to keep them happy.

It's someone's actions and the words they say that dictate how much they value me.

Sorry for rant, I've just encountered this so much on both sides and being made to feel like I have to do something

I have to applaud these comments, and the other person who mentioned WE KNOW when we are being jerked around.

To have ANY type of decent relationship an individual HAS to

take a chance on being 'potentially' jerked around.

Then can respond decisively by ending it."
...if it is no longer a potential but is clearly seen to be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...

So I’ve had to say to myself, look I’m worth more than being someone’s entertainment so you can fuck off. "

Always remember this. Always.

Sounds like you're heading in the right direction. Now you've binned this ex you know you can do it next time too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think that a woman is a powerful creature, very rarely are they at a mercy of a man and lookimg at you Annie, no man would ever have a hold on you "

They do though and they have and because I want to be loved basically I put up with more shitty behaviour than I should.

I tell you, the guy that gets me and wants me will 100% be treated like a king. My kinks are caring for people so the man would never need to wash himself cos I’d bath him every night, he would t have to hold his own dick to piss cos I’d be doing it for him and sucking odd the drips. I cook all the time so his lunch box for work would be epic and would always have food ready for him to come home. His arse hole would be gleaming cos I’d be rimming it all the time. His alarm clock would be a blow job or a fuck cos I do things to sleeping men. I’m such a giver.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

If you really like someone you make them one of your priorities and you can feel it in your guts when you’re not on someone’s list of priorities.

That's a very valid point. And as they say: people dont change, their priorities do. If you are somewhere down in their hierarchy of needs and wants and you require more.. why stick around? "

“ why make someone a priority in your life, when you are just an option in theirs”

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By *oo32Man
over a year ago

tipperary

[Removed by poster at 13/05/20 14:05:00]

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By *oo32Man
over a year ago

tipperary

[Removed by poster at 13/05/20 14:09:14]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think that a woman is a powerful creature, very rarely are they at a mercy of a man and lookimg at you Annie, no man would ever have a hold on you

They do though and they have and because I want to be loved basically I put up with more shitty behaviour than I should.

But be careful about putting out so publicly ALL you would give.

Because I assure you there are MANY who are just takers.

Your Kinks put you in a vulnerable position from the get-go, so you have to learn HOW to manage them with others.

Yours is a very specialist niche, which I can't imagine would be easy to satisfy with MANY over a lengthy period of time.

So you must be patient.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You give too much OP but you also hand over the power to the guy by checking for messages constantly and probably answering theirs straight away. I also think you like the bad boy type who is prone to thinking they are the dominant partner anyway. That type of man tends to follow the motto ‘treat them mean to keep them keen’ and there are way too many of them about.

My message to you. Take time to love yourself for the person you currently are- whether through therapy or self help- and then look for Mr Right. Confidence is radiated without having to say anything and like attracts like.

Sending you love and strength

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP I recently did exactly this (we sound very similar with regard to being too caring and wanting to be loved) I would be at his beckon call. Yet not the other way round, he would never commit but expect me to remain loyal. I could go days with no response from him. The last straw was when I was very poorly and he knew but didn’t seem to give a shit just wondered when I would be well for pics/sex. A friend said to me that “Men go after what they want they are like wolfs and will hunt a woman down and then do all they can to keep her and look after her. Not give mixed messages and keep her wondering” That made me think fuck it, I really lost it with him and gave him time to rectify the situation he didn’t so I have completely cut him from my life. It hurt at first but each day after I felt more empowered and stronger.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"I recently blocked my most recent ex on WhatsApp, my phone, and all social media so no way of being contacted.

I’m having little wobbles of regret but felt a bit empowered as well. He wasn’t nasty at all just would contact me on his terms, when he wanted entertaining and pictures and what not.

My best mate said I should’ve done it ages ago and I think if I was in a better head space I would have but I do struggle with self esteem despite me not having a problem with how I look.

Don’t really know I’m asking, just putting it out there. "

Go on yersel, Annie! You are worth more than your looks. It's always easy for other people to say it, but you're the one who needs to truly believe it and not let people dick you about.

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After three years of being messed about by a fwb, I did the same. There comes a point when you know that boomeranging back and forth into an unhealthy or unsatisfactory relationship won't change a thing, and you have to cut ties.

Don't cave, keep him blocked, move him. Your worth is immeasurable, Annie.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why.

Because from birth women are subtly told that loyalty, modesty and subservience are good qualities along with humility. Women who don't behave that way are frequently criticised

Where are the parents?"

It's society at large. Parents can help, but ingrained culture takes a while to change...

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Our tolerance to bullshit gets lower the more we respect ourselves.

Absolutely this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm going to say one thing to you then I'm gone off the thread.

There is an old Carribbean saying.

"Them who na (no) hear must feel"

If you don't listen to and practice the good advice you receive.

Then maybe it's because you really enjoy something else completely different?

Or have NO idea what good advice is?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You have to follow your gut. Sometimes that's taking a risk and making yourself vulnerable, sometimes that is cutting ties when you're being messed around and it just stops feeling good.

You are worth a lot. You know men admire your body as fact, so perhaps for you it is needing to know they want you as a person too X

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By *rongstantineWoman
over a year ago

hull

Maybe mute someone if they haven't responded rather than block straight away? Obviously depends on how long/nature of your chats, but some people genuinely intend to respond and forget. That said, if you get the sense he's being a knob, then block but at least give both of yourselves a bit of breathing room and benefit of the doubt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you really like someone you make them one of your priorities and you can feel it in your guts when you’re not on someone’s list of priorities.

That's a very valid point. And as they say: people dont change, their priorities do. If you are somewhere down in their hierarchy of needs and wants and you require more.. why stick around?

“ why make someone a priority in your life, when you are just an option in theirs”"

I like that saying too, DC

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"They do though and they have and because I want to be loved basically I put up with more shitty behaviour than I should.

Dont stop being you, if that’s what makes you happy then carry on doing it but only for the right person, even givers have to take something in return even if only once in a while, and your know you have the right person when they want to please you as much as you please them. But don’t become a doormat, learn from the signs from previous experience whether things are going good or not. And good luck for the future

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

If you really like someone you make them one of your priorities and you can feel it in your guts when you’re not on someone’s list of priorities.

That's a very valid point. And as they say: people dont change, their priorities do. If you are somewhere down in their hierarchy of needs and wants and you require more.. why stick around?

“ why make someone a priority in your life, when you are just an option in theirs”

I like that saying too, DC

Thanks

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By *uttercup and WestleyCouple
over a year ago

Merseyside

No-one deserves disrespect in a relationship. To quote Baz Luhrmann :

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts; don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours

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By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool

"Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why.

Women get a more emotional connection than men, which is harder to walk away from "

I'm not sure I believe that tbh.

There is a stereotype of men being less emotional but this isnt always the case.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

To be honest I think there's a happy medium between you and your friend. If I was constantly left on read I wouldn't block them but I'd likely get the hint and move on from them but I also wouldn't let it get to me if it happened occassionally. People have lives away from those they're dating even if they're really into them. Maybe they might have received an important phone call after opening a message or I've been known to open a message and then fall asleep or get distracted because the cat is eating something stupid again

Basically I think what I'm trying to say is don't put up with being treated like shit of course but also appreciate that people are human. I think that cutting people out too easily is just another form of insecurity. Those I date's life doesn't revolve around me and I don't expect it to but I do want to be something they value enough to put effort into keeping around.

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By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool

"I recently blocked my most recent ex on WhatsApp, my phone, and all social media so no way of being contacted.

I’m having little wobbles of regret but felt a bit empowered as well. He wasn’t nasty at all just would contact me on his terms, when he wanted entertaining and pictures and what not.

My best mate said I should’ve done it ages ago and I think if I was in a better head space I would have but I do struggle with self esteem despite me not having a problem with how I look.

Don’t really know I’m asking, just putting it out there. "

Just because your friend is 1 way doesnt mean you have to be the same.

We are all different and have different ways of thinking.

You do what your heart thinks is right.

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By *irewolffMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Good for you OP. You need your own space and you dont need him contacting you on his terms.

I blocked my ex everywhere: FB, whatsapp, emails get diverted to a special folder so they dont come into my inbox..he likes to abuse me by email too. We do text one another about the kids but he uses this too as an avenue to abuse me.

We really only communicate through solicitors, which is a shame as we have 2 kids together but the man cant help himself at having a pop at me.

He wants to affect me any way he can and I have removed myself from his reach and I do not respond to his taunts etc.

You contact him when you want to in your terms. Its about moving in too.

MsD xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why.

Women get a more emotional connection than men, which is harder to walk away from

I'm not sure I believe that tbh.

There is a stereotype of men being less emotional but this isnt always the case."

Agreed. There isn't really a difference in the way men and women feel things.

It's just the outlet of those feelings and emotions differs massively between the sexes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why.

Because from birth women are subtly told that loyalty, modesty and subservience are good qualities along with humility. Women who don't behave that way are frequently criticised

Where are the parents?

It's society at large. Parents can help, but ingrained culture takes a while to change...

Mrs TMN x"

Yes but you can't just blame everything on peer pressure. Yes I know it can have an enormous impact, vaping is a good example of how it's ruining current youth but also don't neglect your kids. As a parent you have a responsibility to make them feel empowered, confident and autonomous.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"Young lady, I don't know you well.

But be careful about putting out so publicly ALL you would give.

Because I assure you there are MANY who are just takers.

Your Kinks put you in a vulnerable position from the get-go, so you have to learn HOW to manage them with others.

Yours is a very specialist niche, which I can't imagine would be easy to satisfy with MANY over a lengthy period of time.

So you must be patient."

After quite a few years reading your posts (the ones from.the heart, like this one), I 100% agree with Huey. What you like to give to your man is worth them making an effort for!

I always think people are worth giving a chance to, especially if you really like someone everyone

makes mistakes.

I like this saying 'fool me one shame on you, fool me twice shame on me (then I added my own bit), shame me thrice (is that even a word) fuck right off'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why.

Because from birth women are subtly told that loyalty, modesty and subservience are good qualities along with humility. Women who don't behave that way are frequently criticised

Where are the parents?

It's society at large. Parents can help, but ingrained culture takes a while to change...

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why.

Because from birth women are subtly told that loyalty, modesty and subservience are good qualities along with humility. Women who don't behave that way are frequently criticised

Where are the parents?

It's society at large. Parents can help, but ingrained culture takes a while to change...

Mrs TMN x

And sometimes when they flee the nest, these qualities can still be stripped away by others

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By *ittleAcornMan
over a year ago

visiting the beach

"A bit fanatical of your friend to expect others to jump to it for her sake.

She sounds far too possessive!

A web fiend,

prowling the internet for signs of her 'subjects'.

Deleting and excreting at will.

One keyboard touch away from total pleasure.

Your better off staying as you are.

Disrespect is one thing, but because someone is online but hasn't answered her message yet? Are ALL her messages THAT important?

I quite agree here.

To block someone for not replying to your message within your specified time range is a bit extreme.

Our first priority is to ourselves, I don't expect anyone to feel obligated to reply the second they read a message.

It's one click and one second for me to read something, can take me minutes to form a reply.

Sometimes people are busy, something happens but above all that no one should be expected to pander to someone else like that just to keep them happy.

It's someone's actions and the words they say that dictate how much they value me.

Sorry for rant, I've just encountered this so much on both sides and being made to feel like I have to do something

Yes, got to agree. I don't have notifications on for most of messaging apps, and will often read and get back to a reply later (depending what's going on around me).

For me messaging apps are mostly just for chat. If someone needs a fast reply I expect them to call me, or "proper" text me, as these are the only things I will notice immediately.

However, obviously if someone is constantly ignoring your requests for information, or leaving you hanging for a long time, that's a different matter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For what it's worth I think you've done the right thing by blocking him! It does sound like he was just using you on his terms and nobody deserves that.

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By *ittleAcornMan
over a year ago

visiting the beach

"Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why.

Because from birth women are subtly told that loyalty, modesty and subservience are good qualities along with humility. Women who don't behave that way are frequently criticised

Where are the parents?

It's society at large. Parents can help, but ingrained culture takes a while to change...

Mrs TMN x

What was described was not peer pressure. It was the subtle (and the not so subtle) effects of society at large. Be that family, work, religion, government, marketing.

They all influence how we feel about ourselves and others. On the whole they have been painting very different stories for men than they have been for women.

That is very hard to overcome/change...

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"You know when someone’s not feeling it and you’re just a convenience, like I personally won’t leave someone on read, if I’m too busy to reply then I’m too busy to even open the message in the first place. Also with my time, I’m not too precious or occupied to never know when I’d be free, like I know what I’ve gotta do week to week and I can plan when I can be available.

If you really like someone you make them one of your priorities and you can feel it in your guts when you’re not on someone’s list of priorities.

I agree , if a guy is regularly reading and not replying (usually means deleting or archiving) , and struggling to commit to put a date in the calendar it usually means he doesn’t really want to , but is keeping options for sex open rather than having the courage to finish it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there’s a middle ground between the two of you. To automatically block straight away says to me there’s some insecurity there.

I’m not a fan of loads of texts. I find it a turn off if someone is constantly trying to blow up my phone and I leave people on read a lot. Not because I’m ignoring them, sometimes I’m busy and other times it doesn’t warrant a response from me.

If someone is only interested in me for sex chat then yes I would block them because I’m not a performing monkey here for someone else’s entertainment, it bores the life out of me, and I have better things to be doing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s jut a gut feeling you get. You know when you need to stop something. If someone isn’t making you feel good or if someone is making you look at your phone to see if they’ve answered you yet then just remove them. That’s what I’m gonna do from now on. "

You should never Stay with somebody but makes you feel Bad Or unhappy.

But I will add while it is good to be a bit guarded especially at the beginning,but make sure you don't put the barriers up too high that someone can't break through them.

It's a fine line between protecting yourself from getting hurt and pushing people away just in case they hurt you.

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By *abonWoman
over a year ago

L’boro/Ashby & Cheltenham

"Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why.

Because from birth women are subtly told that loyalty, modesty and subservience are good qualities along with humility. Women who don't behave that way are frequently criticised

Where are the parents?

It's society at large. Parents can help, but ingrained culture takes a while to change...

Mrs TMN x

What was described was not peer pressure. It was the subtle (and the not so subtle) effects of society at large. Be that family, work, religion, government, marketing.

They all influence how we feel about ourselves and others. On the whole they have been painting very different stories for men than they have been for women.

That is very hard to overcome/change..."

Exactly this...the constraints and expectations on how men and women can/should be are everywhere and from an early age. Much of it is unconscious, even in the most informed. And people who flag it up are often deemed the PC brigade. I think plenty of men stay in toxic relationships too...or perhaps don’t step into healthy relationships, for these reasons too. But maybe the external signs tend to display differently in men and women.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why.

Because from birth women are subtly told that loyalty, modesty and subservience are good qualities along with humility. Women who don't behave that way are frequently criticised

Where are the parents?

It's society at large. Parents can help, but ingrained culture takes a while to change...

Mrs TMN x

What was described was not peer pressure. It was the subtle (and the not so subtle) effects of society at large. Be that family, work, religion, government, marketing.

They all influence how we feel about ourselves and others. On the whole they have been painting very different stories for men than they have been for women.

That is very hard to overcome/change..."

Exactly this. Also parents are often part of the problem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you really like someone you make them one of your priorities and you can feel it in your guts when you’re not on someone’s list of priorities.

That's a very valid point. And as they say: people dont change, their priorities do. If you are somewhere down in their hierarchy of needs and wants and you require more.. why stick around? "

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By *lwayshorny79Woman
over a year ago

Leicester

"I recently blocked my most recent ex on WhatsApp, my phone, and all social media so no way of being contacted.

I’m having little wobbles of regret but felt a bit empowered as well. He wasn’t nasty at all just would contact me on his terms, when he wanted entertaining and pictures and what not.

My best mate said I should’ve done it ages ago and I think if I was in a better head space I would have but I do struggle with self esteem despite me not having a problem with how I look.

Don’t really know I’m asking, just putting it out there. "

Very good advice. Thanks. I might have to give this a go myself. Xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah when you know someone and know their pattern it’s a lot easier to know when they’re dicking you around. Like with him I know hen he’s on a night shift he can have his phone on him all night and in the past we’ve practically messaged back and forth for 12 hours straight many times so the not seeing a message or notification thing is bollocks, especially when you can see them online on WhatsApp yet they’re not responding to you, probably chatting to some other bird.

Well at least I’ve got a set of weights and dumbbells and a weighted vest that he can’t contact me to ask for them all back

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP I recently did exactly this (we sound very similar with regard to being too caring and wanting to be loved) I would be at his beckon call. Yet not the other way round, he would never commit but expect me to remain loyal. I could go days with no response from him. The last straw was when I was very poorly and he knew but didn’t seem to give a shit just wondered when I would be well for pics/sex. A friend said to me that “Men go after what they want they are like wolfs and will hunt a woman down and then do all they can to keep her and look after her. Not give mixed messages and keep her wondering” That made me think fuck it, I really lost it with him and gave him time to rectify the situation he didn’t so I have completely cut him from my life. It hurt at first but each day after I felt more empowered and stronger. "

Yeah 100% I’ve had guys (these tend to be guys I’m not interested in) constantly message me and offer to take me out and really go hard for the pursuit of me. Also my other friends fiancé, they’ve been together 7 years now and he absolutely adores her. When we were on holiday in Marbella in 2015 on a hen do, my friend wanted to come home the first night, she was on the phone to him on about getting a flight but they were real expensive and he was like I’ll put fuel in the car now and gets some fags and I’ll start driving to you. Like he was literally willing to drove to Spain to get her, granted he’s military and would regularly drive from Germany to Wales just to see my friend for an hour where she would talk to him on her door step and would t let him in her house and then he would drive all the way back to Germany, and he’s good looking and polite and lovely so I know guys have it in them to be decent.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I completely understand where you are coming from. I was in the same boat as you were. I couldn't see an end, I had no control and I don't think there was any escape. I didn't even have a home anymore. That is when it hit me....It's time to get a new keyboard!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Keep him blocked Annie!

It’s very tempting to unblock but it’s far healthier to keep him blocked. For your own sanity trust me!

Better than being any mans convenience or when he feels horny.

Clean break to focus on yourself then when you’re ready you can be free to find the right one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We seem to have a lot in common man wise...apart from the rimming thing

I know how you feel regarding going all out to please certain people and getting treated like shit in return. I hope you find your strength and learn to please yourself...and when you learn how please contact me and let me know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow he sounds one in a million..

I'm similar to you Annie but I've had to have a word with myself.

Good luck.. And keep people who don't make you a priority if they know what they mean to you.. At arms length. Xx

Lolly xx

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Not to sound like an expert but from what I've been told, I feel like a lot of women cling onto toxic relationships.

I just don't know why.

Because from birth women are subtly told that loyalty, modesty and subservience are good qualities along with humility. Women who don't behave that way are frequently criticised

Where are the parents?

It's society at large. Parents can help, but ingrained culture takes a while to change...

Mrs TMN x

What was described was not peer pressure. It was the subtle (and the not so subtle) effects of society at large. Be that family, work, religion, government, marketing.

They all influence how we feel about ourselves and others. On the whole they have been painting very different stories for men than they have been for women.

That is very hard to overcome/change...

Thanks nickonsea and _abon, yes that was the point I was trying to make. Nothing to do with peer pressure and everything to do with societal conditioning. I'm hugely aware of it with both my daughter and my son. As for why people stay in toxic relationships? I don't know. Everyone wants to be wanted. Often to tell ourselves what we want to hear, rather than facing an uglier truth. Then of course there is the question of how to leave once you realise you want to leave a situation. It's often far from straightforward, especially if there are children involved.

Apologies for going off on a tangent, OP! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

I think you've done the right thing Annie.

People should treat you with respect and if he can't do that then find someone who will

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it feels right to you OP, then that’s all that matters

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

He beeped and waved at me this morning when he drove past me during my run. I just give him a stinking look

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As I have always said guys should treat women with respect and vice-a-versa it doesn't matter if we're on a website like this or if we're on a dating website it's all about showing that other person respect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you really like someone you make them one of your priorities and you can feel it in your guts when you’re not on someone’s list of priorities.

That's a very valid point. And as they say: people dont change, their priorities do. If you are somewhere down in their hierarchy of needs and wants and you require more.. why stick around?

“ why make someone a priority in your life, when you are just an option in theirs”"

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