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Ethical non-monogamy

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By *dam1971 OP   Man
over a year ago

Bedford

Where do you think you are / would like to be on this spectrum? Most of society doesn’t even realise that the last 6 even exist.

1 Monogamy

2 Monogamish (occasional attractions and encounters that don’t threaten the mainly-monogamous relationship)

3 Swinging (sex with others mainly together or for the sexual enjoyment of both)

4 Open relationship (permission to have sex outside the relationship)

5 Hierarchical polyamory (a primary loving/sexual relationship, with other secondary emotionally-connected sexual relationships)

6 Non-hierarchical polyamory (multiple equally-valued sexual/loving relationships).

7 Something else.

I wonder how different things would be if people were educated about the existence and possible benefits of all these. Happier homes perhaps?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Number 3.

Human nature means that homes probably wouldn't be happier. It's jealousy and feelings of ownership that cause a lot of problems along with the main problem inability to communicate. Being aware that certain types of relationship are possible doesn't prevent those problems

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

7

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Man out shagging while woman minds the kids...........

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By *dam1971 OP   Man
over a year ago

Bedford


"7 "

Pervert

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

For it to work we need to get rid of the nuclear family ......

Two adults and their children doesn't really lend itself to any other model

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By *lbinoGorillaMan
over a year ago

Redditch

I like my relationships the same as my hair cut - a number 2

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

7 for me nowadays

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By *rgoodnbadMan
over a year ago

greenock

Prefer to bring up my own kids

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By *arksxMan
over a year ago

Leicester / London

How many people start marriages with the intent for it to be one of these and then it changes mid way through.

Thats sound the most interesting to me. How do you handle that change?

I think most marriages breakdown over sex/affection/love care however you wrapped that big idea up and the lack of communication around it or worse money

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By *dam1971 OP   Man
over a year ago

Bedford


"For it to work we need to get rid of the nuclear family ......

Two adults and their children doesn't really lend itself to any other model"

Children apparently thrive in a polyamory household. It’s one more adult to help with homework, play with, talk to and generally interact with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"7

Pervert "

Not necessarily! . I am a 7!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a 3 for me.

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By *dam1971 OP   Man
over a year ago

Bedford


"How many people start marriages with the intent for it to be one of these and then it changes mid way through.

Thats sound the most interesting to me. How do you handle that change?

I think most marriages breakdown over sex/affection/love care however you wrapped that big idea up and the lack of communication around it or worse money"

Maybe that’s the other important thing - accepting that people can change.

However right now if someone changes the “accepted” way is either cheat, be miserable, split or change you / the other partner.

Perhaps saying “we’ve changed, now we can move from number x to number y” would help

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand

I’m on 3+4! Open marriage and swinging x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

3 and 4 i think, if allowed to pick two.

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By *interfoxWoman
over a year ago

maesteg

6

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Right now 3

But we are open to 4 and 5 but we haven't found anyone we click with yet

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By *arksxMan
over a year ago

Leicester / London


"How many people start marriages with the intent for it to be one of these and then it changes mid way through.

Thats sound the most interesting to me. How do you handle that change?

I think most marriages breakdown over sex/affection/love care however you wrapped that big idea up and the lack of communication around it or worse money

Maybe that’s the other important thing - accepting that people can change.

However right now if someone changes the “accepted” way is either cheat, be miserable, split or change you / the other partner.

Perhaps saying “we’ve changed, now we can move from number x to number y” would help"

Having that conversation can be hard enough with new people on here

Let alone in a relationship or marriage

Not to say everyone is... But Britain is very sexually repressed compared to most of the world espically to most of our European cousins.

I think better to just say what you want and be prepared to HEAR what your partner wants too.

Who knows.. In a few years your marriage could be something else.

Better to accept partnership are built on fluid feelings rather than rigid rules

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

1. Monogamy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If people were to be educated about the possible benefits, then education about the possible pitfalls of such a range of relationship types would add balance.

I like the concept of serial monogamy, although not quite sure how that would work in relation to having children

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Monogamish

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

4 for me and my hubby, we discuss everything before and after. It works for us xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Prefer to bring up my own kids "

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

6. entwined with hot husband playmates

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?

I could never do 5 or 6, I'm happy to share physically (especially if I'm there to enjoy it), but I can't share emotionally

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

Definitely a 3...

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand


"I could never do 5 or 6, I'm happy to share physically (especially if I'm there to enjoy it), but I can't share emotionally "

Agreed on that

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

6 .. 5 would be nice x

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By *oneyBear100Couple
over a year ago

Gatwick area

Think we're about a 5 now but unlikely to ever go beyond that.

It's the sweet spot for us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to think 5 but right now I'm definitely a 1.

I think it all depends where you are in your life and who you're with/not with.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

7 - relationship anarchist . I've never been 1 but I've had various stages of all the others. I'm definitely poly but it doesn't mean I don't want or enjoy less emotional connections with others that are probably closer to swinging.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'm open to them all but mainly 3. It depends on the partners to a good extent and I would be naturally content whatever I decided.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I have just finished a book called 'Sex at Dawn.

The review describes it as:

"A controversial, idea-driven book that challenges everything you (think you) know about sex, monogamy, marriage, and family. In the words of Steve Taylor (The Fall, Waking From Sleep), Sex at Dawn is “a wonderfully provocative and well-written book which completely re-evaluates human sexual behavior and gets to the root of many of our social and psychological ills.”

The problems may be that society is clinging to the modern idea of monogamy and female sexuality that is rooted on religious requirements rather than the real needs of humans.

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By *ananas57Couple
over a year ago

lake ariel

#4 here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Where do you think you are / would like to be on this spectrum? Most of society doesn’t even realise that the last 6 even exist.

1 Monogamy

2 Monogamish (occasional attractions and encounters that don’t threaten the mainly-monogamous relationship)

3 Swinging (sex with others mainly together or for the sexual enjoyment of both)

4 Open relationship (permission to have sex outside the relationship)

5 Hierarchical polyamory (a primary loving/sexual relationship, with other secondary emotionally-connected sexual relationships)

6 Non-hierarchical polyamory (multiple equally-valued sexual/loving relationships).

7 Something else.

I wonder how different things would be if people were educated about the existence and possible benefits of all these. Happier homes perhaps?"

I would like to be in a 3/4 relationship

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

4

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

3 and 4 for me.

Definitely cannot do 5 and 6.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

In School in Sociology it was mostly the nuclear family that you were force fed and i think that and my upbringing has focused me very much on one man one woman.

However, since being on here, i’d be quite happy to try the woman and many lovers and the man has none scenario. Is that the hotwife scenario? I wouldn’t want one fella regularly, just a few men i could call up and sex and then go home to hubby and tease him with my sexploits.

So that, i think. Whatever that is.

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

Something else.

Has promiscimist been coined?

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By *dam1971 OP   Man
over a year ago

Bedford


"Something else.

Has promiscimist been coined?

"

It could be the title of your PhD

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/05/20 13:45:37]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In School in Sociology it was mostly the nuclear family that you were force fed and i think that and my upbringing has focused me very much on one man one woman.

However, since being on here, i’d be quite happy to try the woman and many lovers and the man has none scenario. Is that the hotwife scenario? I wouldn’t want one fella regularly, just a few men i could call up and sex and then go home to hubby and tease him with my sexploits.

So that, i think. Whatever that is.

"

Or this. It sounds fun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

7

I think some people should be educated that 1 can work perfectly well.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"For it to work we need to get rid of the nuclear family ......

Two adults and their children doesn't really lend itself to any other model

Children apparently thrive in a polyamory household. It’s one more adult to help with homework, play with, talk to and generally interact with "

Just one more ? Hmmmmmmm I think you have very Freudulantly given away your preferred model.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"I have just finished a book called 'Sex at Dawn.

The review describes it as:

"A controversial, idea-driven book that challenges everything you (think you) know about sex, monogamy, marriage, and family. In the words of Steve Taylor (The Fall, Waking From Sleep), Sex at Dawn is “a wonderfully provocative and well-written book which completely re-evaluates human sexual behavior and gets to the root of many of our social and psychological ills.”

The problems may be that society is clinging to the modern idea of monogamy and female sexuality that is rooted on religious requirements rather than the real needs of humans."

I have that book. Read it several years ago ..... good book.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For it to work we need to get rid of the nuclear family ......

Two adults and their children doesn't really lend itself to any other model

Children apparently thrive in a polyamory household. It’s one more adult to help with homework, play with, talk to and generally interact with

Just one more ? Hmmmmmmm I think you have very Freudulantly given away your preferred model."

"Freudulantly" love it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

3.

Our relationship is exclusive.

We have sex with others occasionally for a different kind of fun.

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Somewhere between 5 and 6. In theory I don't believe in hierarchy in my relationships but I also don't believe someone is equal from day one to my partner of 4 years. However if I was daring someone long term there would come a point where the time difference would become irrelevant naturally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Between 2 and 4. I do want to have kids at some point and for me personally that wouldn't work in polyamorous relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Somewhere between 5 and 6. In theory I don't believe in hierarchy in my relationships but I also don't believe someone is equal from day one to my partner of 4 years. However if I was daring someone long term there would come a point where the time difference would become irrelevant naturally."

I find this interesting. I’d say I was a 1 although currently single, as that suits me and my emotional needs/wants at this time. There’s nothing to say that won’t change as I change so I always try to keep an open mind.

I’m probably stuck in my team 1 mindset so my initial worries would be, things like living arrangements etc. All the mundane and ultimately immaterial stuff.

How would you navigate that?

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By *acey_RedWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool


"Somewhere between 5 and 6. In theory I don't believe in hierarchy in my relationships but I also don't believe someone is equal from day one to my partner of 4 years. However if I was daring someone long term there would come a point where the time difference would become irrelevant naturally.

I find this interesting. I’d say I was a 1 although currently single, as that suits me and my emotional needs/wants at this time. There’s nothing to say that won’t change as I change so I always try to keep an open mind.

I’m probably stuck in my team 1 mindset so my initial worries would be, things like living arrangements etc. All the mundane and ultimately immaterial stuff.

How would you navigate that? "

However you want to. I know some poly people who split living between households with two partners. I know others (like myself) who primarily live with one partner so dating others is a bit like dating prior to moving in together. I seem to mostly date others who have a preference for not living with a patner so that works for me. If I met someone who did though I don't think I could do fully splitting my time 50/50 between two homes. I think the most I could do would be staying over a few nights a week which is kind of how I was when I dated people I didn't live with anyway.

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By *dam1971 OP   Man
over a year ago

Bedford


"For it to work we need to get rid of the nuclear family ......

Two adults and their children doesn't really lend itself to any other model

Children apparently thrive in a polyamory household. It’s one more adult to help with homework, play with, talk to and generally interact with

Just one more ? Hmmmmmmm I think you have very Freudulantly given away your preferred model."

Actually no, I’m just recounting what I was told and that was the example given.

I’ll probably just find the woman I want to sleep with the most and copy her answer

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By *anni and RicCouple
over a year ago

York

Coming back for a read later!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"For it to work we need to get rid of the nuclear family ......

Two adults and their children doesn't really lend itself to any other model

Children apparently thrive in a polyamory household. It’s one more adult to help with homework, play with, talk to and generally interact with

Just one more ? Hmmmmmmm I think you have very Freudulantly given away your preferred model.

Actually no, I’m just recounting what I was told and that was the example given.

I’ll probably just find the woman I want to sleep with the most and copy her answer "

I can't find the bit where you repeated me Adam .............

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By *uenevereWoman
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I / we are somewhere between 3 and 4 as I swing with hubby but also meet ladies alone.

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By *irtycpl7980Couple
over a year ago

Northumberland

Hubby is sometimes allowed no. 2

For me somewhere between 3-4

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By *ungBlackTopMan
over a year ago

salford

Wouldn't consider anything but number 1 if in a relationship. Anything outside that they can hit the curb. If I'm not enough sexually then I'm not enough emotionally so get the fuck out my mansion and take your stank ass too.

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By *anni and RicCouple
over a year ago

York

We've concluded that Danni is a 2 but Ric is about a 3 and a half! I think we could go further as a couple with a third if the right person came along although we're not actively looking for that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm in a 5 but I'm not at the top of the hierarchy x

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By *ohn Wilson96Man
over a year ago

from inside your wardrobe

GF and i have discussed and agreed on 4, so we both have a hall pass.... then 2020 arrived and put the kybosh on everything

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