FabSwingers.com forum: Messaging

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Do you give up when you finally get a message and all of them are one word replies or do you try to dig a little deeper?

I feel like I'm talking to myself much of the time on here and I sometimes feel like they have only replied to be polite and if I try to keep them up in chat it's only going to annoy them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I tend to view it the same as interacting with people anywhere else in life - some people you'll connect with and conversation will flow naturally, others it will be a little less natural and perhaps even stilted, and will eventually fizzle out - it's usually fairly obvious very quickly which category a chat will fall into on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends what im doing. If im sat down chilling, it can be an essay. Then sometimes I'll be busy, sending brief answers.

It also depends on what they say. Sometimes a one word answer says it all.

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By *jl1972Man
over a year ago

Bournemouth

I don't generally bother sending unsolicited messages any more. Chances are 99% that they will be deleted or ignored....I only use messages to keep in touch with existing fab friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont pursue one word replies..I want chat two way..why should I do all the work

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By *atBottomGirlsWoman
over a year ago

St Austell-ish

If I have to give very short answers, it's because I'm getting tired or busy but trying to keep their interest for a bit until I can focus more easily on chatting. I tell the other person this, and apologize.

I rarely send first messages, but whether I initiated or not, if the other person can't respond with at least a fullish sentence (most of time), I tell them thanks but no thanks, and why.

Not that my time is so valuable--but I really don't want to meet someone who can't be arsed to actually try to communicate.

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By *isces WomanWoman
over a year ago

West London

OP, just checked out your profile. Theres nothing there. How can I find something to chat about when its virtually blank.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP, just checked out your profile. Theres nothing there. How can I find something to chat about when its virtually blank."

I know but I've tried the long detailed profiles before and tbh I didn't find it any better for getting chats.

When I send an unsolicited message to someone who I haven't chatted with in the forums, I send it with a pic and I put effort into it and I throw out things to try and get a conversation going.

If I'm lucky enough for them to reply its usually a one worder like.. "Yeah" "cool" or just an emoji and so on.

So after awhile of that I ask if they would like to ask me anything and that's when the messages stop. I thought someone would like to get to know me through conversation but no.

One even said that I was good looking after the first message and then stopped chatting and she hasn't opened my message since. I don't consider myself good looking at all, but if she did then why not chat!?

What are they expecting? Should I send a dick pic and chat filth straight away or what.. Because it couldn't be any worse than the conversations I'm having already.

It's really no wonder so many men send copy and paste messages because by the time I've sent one long thought out message for nothing, they could of sent 10 or more. Maybe treating it like a numbers game and sexting is best. However I don't like sexting to maybe this isn't the place for me.

I'm sorry I know this is a misserable thread but it's all getting to me now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got one today out of the blue

It consisted of 3 question marks when I went back to check it had gone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I send myself messages.

Just for a change.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

I think generally you just get a feeling that they're not feeling it or you're not clicking.

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

Sorry but I don't engage with anyone on dms if they don't interest me at all. I feel if i did engage with them in anyway, it's the green light to keep talking to me when I just not that interested. So they don't reply or reply with short message in return, they probably just not interested or crap at making written conversation

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By *rPeachyMan
over a year ago

Bristol

With vastly more men than women on Fab it's an annoying fact of life unfortunately. Just gotta accept it and persevere.

Have you searched on kik for local groups? As you might expect there are also a lot more men than women on those too but I've had some fruitful encounters that way.

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

Just one sentence about my profile may entice me more. But ultimately if i don't find the sender's photo attractive then what ever they say in their message won't change my mind about them.

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand

"Do you give up when you finally get a message and all of them are one word replies or do you try to dig a little deeper?

I feel like I'm talking to myself much of the time on here and I sometimes feel like they have only replied to be polite and if I try to keep them up in chat it's only going to annoy them.

I try with couple of more open ended questions. If there is no change in resposes, I give up and move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I dont pursue one word replies..I want chat two way..why should I do all the work

This

If they can't be arsed then neither can I.

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By *nnnikCouple
over a year ago

Walsall

Problem is so many guys join Fab with high expectations, which are soon crushed by the reality of it. Easier lays will be found on a dating site, being one of the millions of tiny fish in a very large ocean aren't good odds... Nik

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd give up..it shows lack of interest and probably just being polite

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes the lack of message is the message.

A conversation us a reciprocal process. If I feel like I am doing a monologue I just stop texting.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

What are they expecting?

This is the most pertinent part of your last post OP - maybe it's not about what *they* are expecting but what *you* are expecting - if you're expecting to get on with everyone and every conversation to just flow and lead to meets (which I'm sure you're not) then your expectations are set wrong.

Even if you're expecting 1 in 10 conversations to be more than a brief exchange they're probably still wrong.

The thing is you can't actually expect anything here - which is why taking a more laid back, whatever will be will be approach often works better, because you do find when you least expect it that you find people who are on your wavelength and where things do just "click".

Think about it this way, how many people in your normal day to day life, that you've not interacted with before, do you have anything more than a passing conversation with? I'll bet it's not many - it's no different here.

Don't forget too there are other ways to get to know people and build connections than just messaging people - you're using one of them right this second.

Sometimes it's not about others but about you and what expectations, attitude and approach you have.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you give up when you finally get a message and all of them are one word replies or do you try to dig a little deeper?

I feel like I'm talking to myself much of the time on here and I sometimes feel like they have only replied to be polite and if I try to keep them up in chat it's only going to annoy them.

Wow you got a reply or a message count yourself very lucky lol

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

If we repeatedly received one word answers we would take it that they weren't really interested in us and we would leave them in peace.

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

No not really. but it would be also nice to get a message once in a while

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By *B69Woman
over a year ago

Wiltshire

I have to own up, I’m not great at messaging, as in the real world I’m not great at small talk, give me something to talk about and not the standard mundane questions or proposals that many women get on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have to own up, I’m not great at messaging, as in the real world I’m not great at small talk, give me something to talk about and not the standard mundane questions or proposals that many women get on here."

I’m the same

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"With vastly more men than women on Fab it's an annoying fact of life unfortunately. Just gotta accept it and persevere.

Have you searched on kik for local groups? As you might expect there are also a lot more men than women on those too but I've had some fruitful encounters that way."

No I only use Kik to chat if I'm asked for it. I will give it a go, thanks

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Problem is so many guys join Fab with high expectations, which are soon crushed by the reality of it. Easier lays will be found on a dating site, being one of the millions of tiny fish in a very large ocean aren't good odds... Nik"

Yeah I find other apps a little easier, but fab draws me back. I think it's more about being in the clique here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks everyone

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