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Insecurities

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By *aneyy OP   Man
over a year ago

london

I constantly see threads on the forums or status’s put up where people are complaining about their insecurities and people pointing them out. What I don’t understand is if you are that worried or insecure, why would you post intimate or ANY pictures at all on a public forum? basically waiting for people to judge them, then complaining about it?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Different strategies work for different people. Validation or camaraderie help deal with these issues.

It certainly has risks, particularly on a site like this, but it can help. I try to show support when I can.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Basically !

But it way more complicated than that.

Self-esteem is tied with the validation from others. Even if that sentence is quite oxymoronic, the validation of others will help them fight their insecurities somehow

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

Sometimes people post pictures of themselves that they think are flattering, maybe thinking that will boost their confidence. It can't feel great when someone tears them back down.

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By *aneyy OP   Man
over a year ago

london


"Basically !

But it way more complicated than that.

Self-esteem is tied with the validation from others. Even if that sentence is quite oxymoronic, the validation of others will help them fight their insecurities somehow"

Very oxymoronic in my opinion. I sympathise with those that feel insecure more so than others and I fully understand that validation from others via likes or messages helps with those insecurities. But they must realise that it’s a double edged sword and in turn moaning about it when the 100th message is negative when you have had 99 others makes no logical sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 10/05/20 23:04:16]

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By *aneyy OP   Man
over a year ago

london


"Sometimes people post pictures of themselves that they think are flattering, maybe thinking that will boost their confidence. It can't feel great when someone tears them back down. "

True but if you know your fragile why risk it? Given you know this place is full of blank profiles, key board warriors so to speak. It just seems counter productive

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Basically !

But it way more complicated than that.

Self-esteem is tied with the validation from others. Even if that sentence is quite oxymoronic, the validation of others will help them fight their insecurities somehow

Very oxymoronic in my opinion. I sympathise with those that feel insecure more so than others and I fully understand that validation from others via likes or messages helps with those insecurities. But they must realise that it’s a double edged sword and in turn moaning about it when the 100th message is negative when you have had 99 others makes no logical sense."

These things aren't always logical. And they might get more sympathy from it, which might (short term) help. And they might not have good outlets or coping mechanisms otherwise.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Sometimes people post pictures of themselves that they think are flattering, maybe thinking that will boost their confidence. It can't feel great when someone tears them back down.

True but if you know your fragile why risk it? Given you know this place is full of blank profiles, key board warriors so to speak. It just seems counter productive "

Do people always recognise their vulnerability?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Basically !

But it way more complicated than that.

Self-esteem is tied with the validation from others. Even if that sentence is quite oxymoronic, the validation of others will help them fight their insecurities somehow

Very oxymoronic in my opinion. I sympathise with those that feel insecure more so than others and I fully understand that validation from others via likes or messages helps with those insecurities. But they must realise that it’s a double edged sword and in turn moaning about it when the 100th message is negative when you have had 99 others makes no logical sense."

Human nature though its always the one negative that catches most ppl out. Sometimes ppl think the 99 are fibbing, theyre just complimenting to be kind and the 1 negative is the truth because thats all you can see about yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate my legs which is why you don't see any pictures of my legs on my profile.

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By *ulahlollipopWoman
over a year ago

Reading/London

Because they don’t know what else to do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I constantly see threads on the forums or status’s put up where people are complaining about their insecurities and people pointing them out. What I don’t understand is if you are that worried or insecure, why would you post intimate or ANY pictures at all on a public forum? basically waiting for people to judge them, then complaining about it?"
because they are insecure and want sympathy, if you were scared wouldn't you want support from your fellow man or woman, sometimes the kind word of a total stranger is good enough

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By *aneyy OP   Man
over a year ago

london


"I hate my legs which is why you don't see any pictures of my legs on my profile."

Exactly. Not that I’m agreeing I’m sure your just being a bit of a perfectionist. But if you hated them, then posted them and got negative reviews and complained I would be thinking how does that make sense? People are throwing themselves to the wolves and complaining when they get bitten

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By *aneyy OP   Man
over a year ago

london


"Because they don’t know what else to do "

Sorry what lol

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Basically !

But it way more complicated than that.

Self-esteem is tied with the validation from others. Even if that sentence is quite oxymoronic, the validation of others will help them fight their insecurities somehow

Very oxymoronic in my opinion. I sympathise with those that feel insecure more so than others and I fully understand that validation from others via likes or messages helps with those insecurities. But they must realise that it’s a double edged sword and in turn moaning about it when the 100th message is negative when you have had 99 others makes no logical sense."

it doesn't make logical sense but since reading many explanations on fab forums I accept that people with self esteem issues will concentrate on the one and ignore the 99.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stop feelin sorry for themselves an crack on

Change the mind set

Fuck what other people think

Stop lookin at the negatives an look at the positives!!!!

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By *aneyy OP   Man
over a year ago

london


"Sometimes people post pictures of themselves that they think are flattering, maybe thinking that will boost their confidence. It can't feel great when someone tears them back down.

True but if you know your fragile why risk it? Given you know this place is full of blank profiles, key board warriors so to speak. It just seems counter productive

Do people always recognise their vulnerability?"

Maybe not, but before they post w.e pic they have chosen, they must be feeling anxious about any negative response they may get. I would say that in itself is a bit of a give away no?

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By *aneyy OP   Man
over a year ago

london


"Stop feelin sorry for themselves an crack on

Change the mind set

Fuck what other people think

Stop lookin at the negatives an look at the positives!!!!

"

Everyone has insecurities in one way or another, that’s fine. I’m just saying why play with fire if your really afraid of getting burnt

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem


"Sometimes people post pictures of themselves that they think are flattering, maybe thinking that will boost their confidence. It can't feel great when someone tears them back down. "

Maybe they post them even knowing they aren't flattering. What you see is what you get, being honest and straightforward about their appearance.

Thing is by doing that the haters come out the woodwork to belittle a person, put them down.

If they haven't got anything nice to say they should stfu straightforwardly putting it.

People always feel the need to point out the obvious, the vast majority of people know exactly what they look like. They have no delusions they see exactly what everyone else sees in the mirror.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Attention??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some Times people just want you to feel sorry for them. Its a sad world.

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By *aneyy OP   Man
over a year ago

london


"Sometimes people post pictures of themselves that they think are flattering, maybe thinking that will boost their confidence. It can't feel great when someone tears them back down.

Maybe they post them even knowing they aren't flattering. What you see is what you get, being honest and straightforward about their appearance.

Thing is by doing that the haters come out the woodwork to belittle a person, put them down.

If they haven't got anything nice to say they should stfu straightforwardly putting it.

People always feel the need to point out the obvious, the vast majority of people know exactly what they look like. They have no delusions they see exactly what everyone else sees in the mirror.

"

Mmmmhmmmm I agree. Personally I know what I like and don’t like and people shouldn’t comment if they don’t have anything positive to add.. it’s just adding negative energy for no reason. But at the same time when posting you know the risks if you have no delusions of how you look, so crying about a little negativity is a bit like having your cake and eating it lool

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By *aneyy OP   Man
over a year ago

london


"Basically !

But it way more complicated than that.

Self-esteem is tied with the validation from others. Even if that sentence is quite oxymoronic, the validation of others will help them fight their insecurities somehow

Very oxymoronic in my opinion. I sympathise with those that feel insecure more so than others and I fully understand that validation from others via likes or messages helps with those insecurities. But they must realise that it’s a double edged sword and in turn moaning about it when the 100th message is negative when you have had 99 others makes no logical sense.

it doesn't make logical sense but since reading many explanations on fab forums I accept that people with self esteem issues will concentrate on the one and ignore the 99. "

I feel for these people honestly, because If that’s the case I don’t see how you ever get passed it. The world isn’t perfect. Sooner or later somone will say something you don’t like. Even if it’s been sunshine and roses for ages?

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem


"Sometimes people post pictures of themselves that they think are flattering, maybe thinking that will boost their confidence. It can't feel great when someone tears them back down.

Maybe they post them even knowing they aren't flattering. What you see is what you get, being honest and straightforward about their appearance.

Thing is by doing that the haters come out the woodwork to belittle a person, put them down.

If they haven't got anything nice to say they should stfu straightforwardly putting it.

People always feel the need to point out the obvious, the vast majority of people know exactly what they look like. They have no delusions they see exactly what everyone else sees in the mirror.

Mmmmhmmmm I agree. Personally I know what I like and don’t like and people shouldn’t comment if they don’t have anything positive to add.. it’s just adding negative energy for no reason. But at the same time when posting you know the risks if you have no delusions of how you look, so crying about a little negativity is a bit like having your cake and eating it lool"

So unless you're the epitome of beauty don't post pics because it's your own fault if people give you shit over them is what you're saying.

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By *aneyy OP   Man
over a year ago

london


"Sometimes people post pictures of themselves that they think are flattering, maybe thinking that will boost their confidence. It can't feel great when someone tears them back down.

Maybe they post them even knowing they aren't flattering. What you see is what you get, being honest and straightforward about their appearance.

Thing is by doing that the haters come out the woodwork to belittle a person, put them down.

If they haven't got anything nice to say they should stfu straightforwardly putting it.

People always feel the need to point out the obvious, the vast majority of people know exactly what they look like. They have no delusions they see exactly what everyone else sees in the mirror.

Mmmmhmmmm I agree. Personally I know what I like and don’t like and people shouldn’t comment if they don’t have anything positive to add.. it’s just adding negative energy for no reason. But at the same time when posting you know the risks if you have no delusions of how you look, so crying about a little negativity is a bit like having your cake and eating it lool

So unless you're the epitome of beauty don't post pics because it's your own fault if people give you shit over them is what you're saying."

No I think your missing the point I’m making. It’s not your own fault at all it’s theirs and they are wrong for doing it. But constantly complaining about it when you know it’s a possibility by posting it in a public forum doesn’t make any sense to me.

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By *ulahlollipopWoman
over a year ago

Reading/London

A more interesting question for me is why it bothers you so much?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It all comes down to their love languages. They may be seeking word of affirmation to deal with their insecurities. We cannot judge others as we do not live their lives. What is important to one will be least important to someone else!

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By *he riverdeep69Couple
over a year ago

North west ish

Who knows? Some people cam be very complex. If posting on a swingers site helps them who are we to judge?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I absolutely hate my stomach area. However I do have a photo of it on my profile because I'd rather be honest about my flaws. I'd rather people know what they are getting.

I have many hang ups about my body but I try hard not to let them take over.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I absolutely hate my stomach area. However I do have a photo of it on my profile because I'd rather be honest about my flaws. I'd rather people know what they are getting.

I have many hang ups about my body but I try hard not to let them take over. "
i actually looked for that pic of your tummy but I'm always drawn to your spiral staircase

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I must admit I did put a post up about my scars due to having surgery and posting pics of them ..as the last time I was on here I did not have any scars.

I was insecure about it but I put the post up got some good responses which helped me a lot.

So it was all very positive for me....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sadly in this world there are some very unpleasant people in this world not just fab and when these people get called out for being unkind they try to justify it to anyone that will listen. You dont need to be insecure to feel insulted either.

I think latly more people are taking things to heart or more touchy about things because of the situation we are all in. My advice to anyone would be be extra kind and understanding at the moment with everyone things will return to normal but at this time a little kindness goes a long way

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think if you're aware of an insecurity that you have its best to avoid posting anything that will trigger it. You can't rely on the reactions of other people who will knock you down as quickly as they will build you up.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

If people are that insecure then don’t join Fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If people are that insecure then don’t join Fab. "
I disagree I think fab should be for everyone and anyone and people should be able to come on here with out fear of insult or cruelty as long as they conduct themself nicely. Why should some suffer and be made to feel unworthy or unwelcome because some people cant be nice

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By *yx_InannaWoman
over a year ago

Burslem


"If people are that insecure then don’t join Fab. I disagree I think fab should be for everyone and anyone and people should be able to come on here with out fear of insult or cruelty as long as they conduct themself nicely. Why should some suffer and be made to feel unworthy or unwelcome because some people cant be nice"

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By *aneyy OP   Man
over a year ago

london


"Who knows? Some people cam be very complex. If posting on a swingers site helps them who are we to judge?"

Yeh i wasn’t saying don’t post or judging, but going on the number of complaints when people say or point out a negative makes me think it isn’t helping them at all

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