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Managers with Attitude

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I work for a local council and have a manager that manages me and a few others. SHE is arrogant, moody, and particularly doesn't like me very much so our meetings have usually ended with me walking out because I cannot bear the way she talks to me.

She also is trying to get the workforce work in a very regimented, uniformed way although this does not happen across the council - every office works differently.

Work is a pain and incredibly difficult having to work for a woman like this, any advice on how I can make my working day easier without getting the sack lol!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go higher and speak to someone .. you shouldn't have to feel that way going in to work

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

She has a terrible reputation, lots of people know what she is like and complaints have been made but still she remains in post. What I wanted to know, because I am of a sensitive nature, how to cope with her on a day to day basis (but thanks for your comment).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some of these managers are very incompetant and are copers not managers and for this they are excessively overpaid leaving their underlings to sort out their issues and collect the rewards.

On the other hand they are managers because there is no other job for them in the company

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Phone in sick? LOL.

Is it just you that feels it or others you work with too? If so go to whoever is above your boss and place a offical complaint.

Saying that my last boss that told me to where to stand and spoke to me rubbish in front of clients. I rubbered and went through to the back office till she came through, and told her under no circumstances she should speak to staff like that and if she did again I would report her to head office.

Ok so I did not call head office, though did stick fairy liquid in her coffee.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Phone in sick? LOL.

Is it just you that feels it or others you work with too? If so go to whoever is above your boss and place a offical complaint.

Saying that my last boss that told me to where to stand and spoke to me rubbish in front of clients. I rubbered and went through to the back office till she came through, and told her under no circumstances she should speak to staff like that and if she did again I would report her to head office.

Ok so I did not call head office, though did stick fairy liquid in her coffee. "

lol that's funny!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Phone in sick? LOL.

Is it just you that feels it or others you work with too? If so go to whoever is above your boss and place a offical complaint.

Saying that my last boss that told me to where to stand and spoke to me rubbish in front of clients. I rubbered and went through to the back office till she came through, and told her under no circumstances she should speak to staff like that and if she did again I would report her to head office.

Ok so I did not call head office, though did stick fairy liquid in her coffee.

I did in the end quit as I complained higher up. Regional Manager never listended as a result he had a Manager who had never done a Managers job for 10 years, she always got the Assistant Manager to do her job previous. So there was her and a load of new starts when I walked out. She went on sick leave fr 6 mths (presumemley she either couldnt do the job or she was too lazy too) and then I heard she left the company, though I heard elsewhere she was paid off.

Feel for you, honestly the woman I worked with Im sure was tri-polar!

lol that's funny! "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

For instance, a group of us have a kind of training session on 28th June with somebody not within the council. I have said to her that if this training involves sitting around a table and talking out loud then I won't be able to go. I have a real issue with this. Her reply was don't be so silly, I don't know what it involves so it will be a surprise for all of us. I repeated that I could not go to the training if I had to speak at any time to the group out loud and I would not go to the training if it was happening. She just laughed!! What a manager eh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what she needs reminding of is a manager is only as good as their staff, you need to all get together and go for help, if everyone refuses to work under her because of her attitude the chances are they would sooner sort one person out (her) than a whole work force

Not knowing how good they are where you work at sorting such things out it hard to give real advice but i do know where i work they do take complaints against managers seriously

But such things only work if everyone stands together, no point all moaning about her behind her back then having noone to back you up if you did take it further

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For instance, a group of us have a kind of training session on 28th June with somebody not within the council. I have said to her that if this training involves sitting around a table and talking out loud then I won't be able to go. I have a real issue with this. Her reply was don't be so silly, I don't know what it involves so it will be a surprise for all of us. I repeated that I could not go to the training if I had to speak at any time to the group out loud and I would not go to the training if it was happening. She just laughed!! What a manager eh?"

Maybe grow a cock and balls?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For instance, a group of us have a kind of training session on 28th June with somebody not within the council. I have said to her that if this training involves sitting around a table and talking out loud then I won't be able to go. I have a real issue with this. Her reply was don't be so silly, I don't know what it involves so it will be a surprise for all of us. I repeated that I could not go to the training if I had to speak at any time to the group out loud and I would not go to the training if it was happening. She just laughed!! What a manager eh?"

to be honest with you id have said a bit more than dont be silly

Im one of the managers of a large company and if your job involved going to such training courses and you told me you wasnt going cause you had a issue with it i wouldnt be happy

If its part of your job you have to do it to be fair you cant pick and choose what bits you want to do when you go to work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For instance, a group of us have a kind of training session on 28th June with somebody not within the council. I have said to her that if this training involves sitting around a table and talking out loud then I won't be able to go. I have a real issue with this. Her reply was don't be so silly, I don't know what it involves so it will be a surprise for all of us. I repeated that I could not go to the training if I had to speak at any time to the group out loud and I would not go to the training if it was happening. She just laughed!! What a manager eh?"

I remember the last training was you had to speak to someone from a diff area, so someone Id never spoken to before and speak to them for ten minutes, then we were asked to stand up and say 5 things about the person. Totally pointless but its an ice breaker. Most training you dont have to speak out too much, its about learning, and nothing is right or wrong. You should not be feeling pressured or panicky over training. She sounds like a right case. No people skills.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really feel for you, I had a horrible boss for about a year and found it so hard to cope with him. I remember the day he left, when the MD told me, I was so relieved I burst into tears!

Sorry I have no great advice other than stay calm when around them, if they speak badly to you, tell them so (calmly) and dont take it home with you! use your home time to forget about the bitch and recharge yer batteries.

Really hope it works out somehow x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For instance, a group of us have a kind of training session on 28th June with somebody not within the council. I have said to her that if this training involves sitting around a table and talking out loud then I won't be able to go. I have a real issue with this. Her reply was don't be so silly, I don't know what it involves so it will be a surprise for all of us. I repeated that I could not go to the training if I had to speak at any time to the group out loud and I would not go to the training if it was happening. She just laughed!! What a manager eh?

"

Oh just go to the training, it's the only way you'll build your confidence, and you probably won't have to speak much and they see how nervous it makes you I'm quite sure they won't make you feel any worse. I cried at a training class one (can you see a Fia theme here? ) I used to be a nervous wreck but honestly - what's the worst that can happen? I've made an arse of myself so many times! but I'm still here

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

If the training was in relation to my role I would bite the bullet, but it isn't anything to do with my job as a whole. I have an issue with speaking out loud anywhere (I suffer from social anxiety) so it is a real problem. Nobody should be made to do something if it is going to cause anxiety. As a manager, she should be fully aware of this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If the training was in relation to my role I would bite the bullet, but it isn't anything to do with my job as a whole. I have an issue with speaking out loud anywhere (I suffer from social anxiety) so it is a real problem. Nobody should be made to do something if it is going to cause anxiety. As a manager, she should be fully aware of this."

As an ex-sufferer myself, I would recommend some simple therapy. My life has been made so much easier since mine. I also have a friend with a really stressful job, he is amongst the top of his field and for no apparent reason started to get terrible anxiety attacks doing his talks... he got therapy and is on top of it all again now.

I do agree though, your boss should be more understanding, I've been lucky to have bosses I can talk to and they have always been supportive.

Good luck hunny

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

You walk out yet call her moody ?

She's trying to get the team to pull together and you ask how you can make your life easier?

She has attitude ? are you sure ? Or does she just do a good job with difficult people ?

You are too nervous to train and grow ?

Sheesh......

If most of your co workers have your problems and attitude then I think your manager has a very difficult job.

Its WORK not school or therapy.

Your managers job is to build teams and get the job done. Not wet nurse those who cherry pick what bits they can and can't do.

If you are too ill to do the job get out.

If it's something you can overcome then take the opportunities that are being laid in front of you.

Read your employers code of conduct.

Read your job description.

Make sure of all that is expected of you and if you are not doing the job make sure you are aware of the ways they can dismiss or demote you.

I would.

Especially as you seem to be making NO effort just excuses.

EARN the money.

Im sure she has a perspective on the people she works with as well.

No im not a manager of anyone but I do hate working with shirkers who leave the load for others while picking up a pay slip.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You work for a council which means you will almost certainly have a union, Are you a member? Have you spoken to them?

Part of me suspects that you haven't for many of the reasons Granny has stated above.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

wow....

without trying to appear too insensitive you sound like a typical council worker.

would a small business or private sector employer put up with someone who refuses to go to a training course on the basis of the possibility of having to talk to strangers? i would be out of a job pretty smartish in my line of work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A good manager will assess the strengths and weaknesses of their workforce and uses these to the best advantage of the job and put inplace training/anything else available to help others overcome their weaknesses. When I had training it was all role play, an American idea I believe and nothing like the real thing so embarressing for those taking part except the Thespians.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It's very obvious with granny for instance that she has never had to work with this woman. she has been a manager since last september, before that she was a buildings administration. she has no man management skills and goes out of her way to annoy and upset people. In the 10 years she has been there, she has been reported by virtually everybody in the building - the powers that be then made the decision that she would make a good manager lol

I am not too ill to do my job, having social anxiety affects me in different ways. I don't believe I have to suffer anxiety unnecessarily and even if the training has to go ahead what's the harm in asking that we don't talk round the table at the start to stop my anxiety? better that than not going at all surely?

And I have walked out of our meetings because she is patronising and talks down to people and finds fault when there is none there. Just because she is a so called manager, nobody deserves to be patronised and to feel useless just because she has major issues and doesn't have the skills to carry out her job properly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I too thought of your union.

If as you say there are quite a few who have issues with this woman (and are not just bitching for the sake of it or to agree with you) Then I suggest you all get together and make your problems known to the union rep.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"wow....

without trying to appear too insensitive you sound like a typical council worker.

would a small business or private sector employer put up with someone who refuses to go to a training course on the basis of the possibility of having to talk to strangers? i would be out of a job pretty smartish in my line of work. "

My job does not include having to talk in public or to large amounts of people in one go, therefore I refuse to be put through something that is totally unnecessary and a waste of money. I work hard and I do a very good job and I have the right to say if I think something is a waste of time and effort and will affect me in some way, the same as everyone else. I have had plenty of training to get where I am today and it did not include talking in a group.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you honestly think walking out of a meeting is acceptable behaviour?

How do you think your actions make your manager percieve you?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You walk out yet call her moody ?

She's trying to get the team to pull together and you ask how you can make your life easier?

She has attitude ? are you sure ? Or does she just do a good job with difficult people ?

You are too nervous to train and grow ?

Sheesh......

If most of your co workers have your problems and attitude then I think your manager has a very difficult job.

Its WORK not school or therapy.

Your managers job is to build teams and get the job done. Not wet nurse those who cherry pick what bits they can and can't do.

If you are too ill to do the job get out.

If it's something you can overcome then take the opportunities that are being laid in front of you.

Read your employers code of conduct.

Read your job description.

Make sure of all that is expected of you and if you are not doing the job make sure you are aware of the ways they can dismiss or demote you.

I would.

Especially as you seem to be making NO effort just excuses.

EARN the money.

Im sure she has a perspective on the people she works with as well.

No im not a manager of anyone but I do hate working with shirkers who leave the load for others while picking up a pay slip."

Thanks for your comments, but why are you assuming that she is just trying to do her job? She belittles, patronises, threatens etc. I have complained a 100 times before as has every other person who works in the same building. I am not a shirker, I have not had a day off sick since 2001. Policies and codes of conducts etc have nothing to do with someone who is not capable of being in a managerial position.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Do you honestly think walking out of a meeting is acceptable behaviour?

How do you think your actions make your manager percieve you?

"

So I sit there and be patronised, mocked and belittled and given wrong information? No I don't. why should I?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you honestly think walking out of a meeting is acceptable behaviour?

How do you think your actions make your manager percieve you?

So I sit there and be patronised, mocked and belittled and given wrong information? No I don't. why should I? "

Ask her if she minds you recording conversations in future and take a little dictaphone with you. It will act as an aid for you and may also make her think twice if her conversations could get back to her manager, that's if it is of a belittling and bullying manner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You work for a council which means you will almost certainly have a union, Are you a member? Have you spoken to them?

"

Is there a reason that this and Laine's post echoing it appear to be the only posts you haven;t directly answered?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you honestly think walking out of a meeting is acceptable behaviour?

How do you think your actions make your manager percieve you?

So I sit there and be patronised, mocked and belittled and given wrong information? No I don't. why should I? "

If that is genuinely what happens presumably you have a grievance procedure that you could address it through?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You work for a council which means you will almost certainly have a union, Are you a member? Have you spoken to them?

Is there a reason that this and Laine's post echoing it appear to be the only posts you haven;t directly answered?

"

No reason apart from doing other bits and pieces as well as writing on here lol - yes I am a member of a Union, yes I have had several meetings, yes so have other members of staff, yes she has been given verbal warnings, and yes she is still in post.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/05/12 10:56:16]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You work for a council which means you will almost certainly have a union, Are you a member? Have you spoken to them?

Is there a reason that this and Laine's post echoing it appear to be the only posts you haven;t directly answered?

No reason apart from doing other bits and pieces as well as writing on here lol - yes I am a member of a Union, yes I have had several meetings, yes so have other members of staff, yes she has been given verbal warnings, and yes she is still in post."

Has your union representative suggested a collective grievance by all effected staff/members?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I work for a local council and have a manager that manages me and a few others. SHE is arrogant, moody, and particularly doesn't like me very much so our meetings have usually ended with me walking out because I cannot bear the way she talks to me.

She also is trying to get the workforce work in a very regimented, uniformed way although this does not happen across the council - every office works differently.

Work is a pain and incredibly difficult having to work for a woman like this, any advice on how I can make my working day easier without getting the sack lol!!!"
. Sounds like more council mangers need to be like the one you have maybe she is asking you to work you are lucky you have a job

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You work for a council which means you will almost certainly have a union, Are you a member? Have you spoken to them?

Is there a reason that this and Laine's post echoing it appear to be the only posts you haven;t directly answered?

No reason apart from doing other bits and pieces as well as writing on here lol - yes I am a member of a Union, yes I have had several meetings, yes so have other members of staff, yes she has been given verbal warnings, and yes she is still in post.

Has your union representative suggested a collective grievance by all effected staff/members?"

Indidividual grievances and collective - I just don't understand why this is allowed to carry on - especially when the powers that be know what is going on. We all have notebooks and note dates and times of incidents, you wouldn't believe what's been written over time!

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I also work in the public sector and unfortunately there are managers who should never have been given the role. My line manager is 200 miles away (phew!) but I know one who is paid as a middle manager yet does very little work, hasn't even done the one report he has responsibility for, and goes off sick the first bit of pressure he gets. Unfortunately the redundancies we are being put through are allowing the good staff to go, leaving the staff who know they wouldn't get a job elsewhere to take on higher roles, and screw them up!

As for the training course, get there a bit early and have a word with the trainer. Although most don't do the 'round table intro' any more as its considered a bit cheesy, and lots of people hate it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You work for a council which means you will almost certainly have a union, Are you a member? Have you spoken to them?

Is there a reason that this and Laine's post echoing it appear to be the only posts you haven;t directly answered?

No reason apart from doing other bits and pieces as well as writing on here lol - yes I am a member of a Union, yes I have had several meetings, yes so have other members of staff, yes she has been given verbal warnings, and yes she is still in post.

Has your union representative suggested a collective grievance by all effected staff/members?

Indidividual grievances and collective - I just don't understand why this is allowed to carry on - especially when the powers that be know what is going on. We all have notebooks and note dates and times of incidents, you wouldn't believe what's been written over time!"
. Sounds like you need to do some work if you have all that time writing things down, maybe your manger has noted you for not working

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"Sounds like you need to do some work if you have all that time writing things down, maybe your manger has noted you for not working"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I also work in the public sector and unfortunately there are managers who should never have been given the role. My line manager is 200 miles away (phew!) but I know one who is paid as a middle manager yet does very little work, hasn't even done the one report he has responsibility for, and goes off sick the first bit of pressure he gets. Unfortunately the redundancies we are being put through are allowing the good staff to go, leaving the staff who know they wouldn't get a job elsewhere to take on higher roles, and screw them up!

As for the training course, get there a bit early and have a word with the trainer. Although most don't do the 'round table intro' any more as its considered a bit cheesy, and lots of people hate it."

Thank you. We have just had a review and it was 12 months of a very difficult time. What I can't get my head round is that complaints have been made over the years about this woman and then some bright spark decided that she would be suitable in a managerial position. I can only assume she was the only one who applied lol

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside


"

Sounds like you need to do some work if you have all that time writing things down, maybe your manger has noted you for not working"

Whilst not agreeing with the way the OP goes about things i.e. walking out of meetings, etc you do seem to have a problem with Council workers believeing they all don't do any work!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You work for a council which means you will almost certainly have a union, Are you a member? Have you spoken to them?

Is there a reason that this and Laine's post echoing it appear to be the only posts you haven;t directly answered?

No reason apart from doing other bits and pieces as well as writing on here lol - yes I am a member of a Union, yes I have had several meetings, yes so have other members of staff, yes she has been given verbal warnings, and yes she is still in post.

Has your union representative suggested a collective grievance by all effected staff/members?

Indidividual grievances and collective - I just don't understand why this is allowed to carry on - especially when the powers that be know what is going on. We all have notebooks and note dates and times of incidents, you wouldn't believe what's been written over time!"

Maybe recording meetings is the way to go then, as long as you ask permission from those at the meetings and agree to the recording remaining 'in house' as it were I can't see a problem with it, and as I said it may make her discuss things in a more detached professional manner.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sounds like you need to do some work if you have all that time writing things down, maybe your manger has noted you for not working

"

Lol, we all work very hard in the department. Writing in a notebook doesn't take up much time.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum


"Thank you. We have just had a review and it was 12 months of a very difficult time. What I can't get my head round is that complaints have been made over the years about this woman and then some bright spark decided that she would be suitable in a managerial position. I can only assume she was the only one who applied lol"

Yep. The guy I wrote about was in another job, screwed that up for years, they had some efficiencies to make so lied and got him into another department. The guy they lied to complained but he is still there, pulling £35k a year for reading the internet and smoking all day.

Public Sector Human Resources is a bag of wank, truly.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Sounds like you need to do some work if you have all that time writing things down, maybe your manger has noted you for not working

Whilst not agreeing with the way the OP goes about things i.e. walking out of meetings, etc you do seem to have a problem with Council workers believeing they all don't do any work! "

It is historic, council workers have a reputation for never doing any work. Unfortunately, this assumption generally comes from people who have never actually worked for the council lol.

And I have walked out of meetings because of being patronised and talked to like a moron, not because I was sulking lol.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I work for a local council and have a manager that manages me and a few others. SHE is arrogant, moody, and particularly doesn't like me very much so our meetings have usually ended with me walking out because I cannot bear the way she talks to me.

She also is trying to get the workforce work in a very regimented, uniformed way although this does not happen across the council - every office works differently.

Work is a pain and incredibly difficult having to work for a woman like this, any advice on how I can make my working day easier without getting the sack lol!!!. Sounds like more council mangers need to be like the one you have maybe she is asking you to work you are lucky you have a job"

I am incredibly lucky to have the job that I do, but incredibly unlucky to work for a woman who doesn't deserve the position she is in. This is the 21st century and it is not necessary for people to be treated so unreasonably.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its not easy because we spend so much of our time at work.

i know what it is like to have this problem and you carry it with you outside of the workplace because you think about it.

the way i found to get people off your back was to always be in their face.

ask question after question even if its meaningless.

show aggression in your words.

and always sit with them at lunch and say nothing but stare straight at them.

and if they have a problem ask them to see you after work because right now your busy.

i know its horrible and you shouldnt have to put up with it but sometimes being or showing anger is the only way to get people to back off.

its not the right thing to do but what else is left apart from resigning and then she's won.

good luck.

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside


"

Sounds like you need to do some work if you have all that time writing things down, maybe your manger has noted you for not working

Whilst not agreeing with the way the OP goes about things i.e. walking out of meetings, etc you do seem to have a problem with Council workers believeing they all don't do any work!

It is historic, council workers have a reputation for never doing any work. Unfortunately, this assumption generally comes from people who have never actually worked for the council lol.

And I have walked out of meetings because of being patronised and talked to like a moron, not because I was sulking lol."

Again this is an assumption on my part from what you have written here but, walking out of the meeting is "sulking" and you seem to be going into the meetings with an attitude of "she is going to talk to me like a moron so why bother listening anyway" (I did say seem)

I presume (again) you work for Somerset Council? If so don't they have the "The Corporate Equality Team" you could talk to if you feel you are being bullied and harassed by the Manager?

If it is not Somerset Council then I'm sure most, if not all Councils, have a similar team of people to deal with bullying and harassment in the workplace.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside


"

I am incredibly lucky to have the job that I do, but incredibly unlucky to work for a woman who doesn't deserve the position she is in. This is the 21st century and it is not necessary for people to be treated so unreasonably."

You don't work for her, you work for the Council

You only have to work with her, she is not your Employer!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Sounds like you need to do some work if you have all that time writing things down, maybe your manger has noted you for not working

Whilst not agreeing with the way the OP goes about things i.e. walking out of meetings, etc you do seem to have a problem with Council workers believeing they all don't do any work!

It is historic, council workers have a reputation for never doing any work. Unfortunately, this assumption generally comes from people who have never actually worked for the council lol.

And I have walked out of meetings because of being patronised and talked to like a moron, not because I was sulking lol.

Again this is an assumption on my part from what you have written here but, walking out of the meeting is "sulking" and you seem to be going into the meetings with an attitude of "she is going to talk to me like a moron so why bother listening anyway" (I did say seem)

I presume (again) you work for Somerset Council? If so don't they have the "The Corporate Equality Team" you could talk to if you feel you are being bullied and harassed by the Manager?

If it is not Somerset Council then I'm sure most, if not all Councils, have a similar team of people to deal with bullying and harassment in the workplace. "

No sorry, but walking out of the meeting is not sulking, it is showing her that I will not listen to her any longer and walking out means she will not be able to. For the sake of my own sanity it is better that I remove myself from that scenario.

Every council across the country have the same policies. We have all over a period of time taken out grievances regarding bullying, etc. Nothing has been done. I (along with my colleagues) work hard and are very good at our jobs - hence I am writing this at the weekend lol

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

I am incredibly lucky to have the job that I do, but incredibly unlucky to work for a woman who doesn't deserve the position she is in. This is the 21st century and it is not necessary for people to be treated so unreasonably.

You don't work for her, you work for the Council

You only have to work with her, she is not your Employer! "

You are kind of right, but I do have to report to her directly - funny lol

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside


"

No sorry, but walking out of the meeting is not sulking, it is showing her that I will not listen to her any longer and walking out means she will not be able to. For the sake of my own sanity it is better that I remove myself from that scenario.

Every council across the country have the same policies. We have all over a period of time taken out grievances regarding bullying, etc. Nothing has been done. I (along with my colleagues) work hard and are very good at our jobs - hence I am writing this at the weekend lol"

Psssttt - I work for the Local Council here too - you are assuming I don't and that I also don't know how Council's operate!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

No sorry, but walking out of the meeting is not sulking, it is showing her that I will not listen to her any longer and walking out means she will not be able to. For the sake of my own sanity it is better that I remove myself from that scenario.

Every council across the country have the same policies. We have all over a period of time taken out grievances regarding bullying, etc. Nothing has been done. I (along with my colleagues) work hard and are very good at our jobs - hence I am writing this at the weekend lol

Psssttt - I work for the Local Council here too - you are assuming I don't and that I also don't know how Council's operate! "

No that wasn't my assumption. Then you will know what I am saying regarding policies etc. The council that I work for has done nothing up to now is what I am trying to say.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eaverfeverCouple
over a year ago

nr Manchester

never show them the've got to you just sit in these meetings with the biggest fake grin on your face even if your getting bollock'd just sit there smiling it does there heads in and you cant get sacked for smiling and take it in one ear and out the other and just do things how you've always done them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do these managers end up in these positions? A wise man once told me that useless people end up as managers (not all i hasten to add) exactly because they are useless but technically unsackable. They are annoying someone senior or someone with sway in one department of a council or equivilent and so the only way to get them out of your hair is to promote them. This happens a few times and low and behold you have a grade 1 dickhead who is completely clueless running a department or worse. Sounds to me like the OP has fallen foul of this scenario.

If you have to walk away from her to avoid conflict then so be it. This is only a short term solution.

Glad im not working where _ranny-crumpet is working. Sounds like years and years of institutionalisation have paid off for her führer

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull


"wow....

without trying to appear too insensitive you sound like a typical council worker.

would a small business or private sector employer put up with someone who refuses to go to a training course on the basis of the possibility of having to talk to strangers? i would be out of a job pretty smartish in my line of work.

My job does not include having to talk in public or to large amounts of people in one go, therefore I refuse to be put through something that is totally unnecessary and a waste of money. I work hard and I do a very good job and I have the right to say if I think something is a waste of time and effort and will affect me in some way, the same as everyone else. I have had plenty of training to get where I am today and it did not include talking in a group."

Lots of queries come up in my mind reading this.

Firstly. reading the section above, you feel you have trained as far as you can so far and don't see the point in doing any more! Don't you realise that training and furthering your skills set is advancement within your job; you are bettering yourself and maybe this is what this manager has in mind, or quite possibly, is part of the remit she has been tasked with by her bosses up the line?

And what she can report upwards is, "Ms So and So keeps on walking out of my meetings". Regardless of your own personal opinion or views, you aren't helping your future employment prospects; there are two sides to every story.

You say you are in a Union; use them. That is what they are there for. I'd a bullying Senior Manager a few years ago who orchestrated a campaign of bullying and harrassment against me, such that my Union said it was one of the worst they'd seen in over 20 years!!

I held my head high, I did not walk out of meetings, no matter how personal or insulting it got. I stuck through thick and thin and did not let him get to me. My colleagues and Union reps stood by me too.

Upshot was, he was found out by the company and punished, because I stood my ground.

No boss has the right to do this; but you have to play your part too, no matter how you feel and stay through it all.

It does get better.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"How do these managers end up in these positions? A wise man once told me that useless people end up as managers (not all i hasten to add) exactly because they are useless but technically unsackable. They are annoying someone senior or someone with sway in one department of a council or equivilent and so the only way to get them out of your hair is to promote them. This happens a few times and low and behold you have a grade 1 dickhead who is completely clueless running a department or worse. Sounds to me like the OP has fallen foul of this scenario.

If you have to walk away from her to avoid conflict then so be it. This is only a short term solution.

Glad im not working where _ranny-crumpet is working. Sounds like years and years of institutionalisation have paid off for her führer "

I don't have a fuhrer. You're assuming a lot of things in your post.

Explain what you mean by 'years and years of institutionalisation' and 'paying off'......

All empty ,meaningless phrases designed for what ?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"You walk out yet call her moody ?

She's trying to get the team to pull together and you ask how you can make your life easier?

She has attitude ? are you sure ? Or does she just do a good job with difficult people ?

You are too nervous to train and grow ?

Sheesh......

If most of your co workers have your problems and attitude then I think your manager has a very difficult job.

Its WORK not school or therapy.

Your managers job is to build teams and get the job done. Not wet nurse those who cherry pick what bits they can and can't do.

If you are too ill to do the job get out.

If it's something you can overcome then take the opportunities that are being laid in front of you.

Read your employers code of conduct.

Read your job description.

Make sure of all that is expected of you and if you are not doing the job make sure you are aware of the ways they can dismiss or demote you.

I would.

Especially as you seem to be making NO effort just excuses.

EARN the money.

Im sure she has a perspective on the people she works with as well.

No im not a manager of anyone but I do hate working with shirkers who leave the load for others while picking up a pay slip.

Thanks for your comments, but why are you assuming that she is just trying to do her job? She belittles, patronises, threatens etc. I have complained a 100 times before as has every other person who works in the same building. I am not a shirker, I have not had a day off sick since 2001. Policies and codes of conducts etc have nothing to do with someone who is not capable of being in a managerial position."

If you have complained 100 times and so has everyone else in the building then it's time to accept that there is no foundation to your accusations.

Moaning to someone is NOT officially recognised as a formal complaint.

Make a formal complaint but not before you make absolutely sure that what you are saying is true.

It is punishable by dismissal to make false accusations against colleagues what ever their position as you harm their reputation.

Saying , 'She tried to get me to go on a course.' Doesn't prove bullying.

READ your works policies and act accordingly. They have EVERYTHING to do with dealing with poor management.

Not liking the way she works isn't sufficient grounds to malign her. A lot of being an adult is just being able to deal with a variety of people. Take responsibility for what's happening to you and DO something.

Other than speaking in a sex forum I mean.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *lare GTV/TS
over a year ago

South of Sleaford

I am sorry to read about your manager. Here is something that might help you perhaps. In my opinion most overbearing domineering managers (and people) do so because of their own fear. Such people need to belittle others so that they feel better about themselves. Their fear comes from their own low self esteem and insecurity. Their tiny bit of authority allows them to find victims to dump their own negativity on.

Dealing with such people is difficult! Perhaps if you can see and recognise your manager's fear and insecurity it may take the sting out of her unpleasantness and make you stronger.

That said, I do agree that her behaviour should be reported because it is detrimental to the organization as a whole.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You walk out yet call her moody ?

She's trying to get the team to pull together and you ask how you can make your life easier?

She has attitude ? are you sure ? Or does she just do a good job with difficult people ?

You are too nervous to train and grow ?

Sheesh......

If most of your co workers have your problems and attitude then I think your manager has a very difficult job.

Its WORK not school or therapy.

Your managers job is to build teams and get the job done. Not wet nurse those who cherry pick what bits they can and can't do.

If you are too ill to do the job get out.

If it's something you can overcome then take the opportunities that are being laid in front of you.

Read your employers code of conduct.

Read your job description.

Make sure of all that is expected of you and if you are not doing the job make sure you are aware of the ways they can dismiss or demote you.

I would.

Especially as you seem to be making NO effort just excuses.

EARN the money.

Im sure she has a perspective on the people she works with as well.

No im not a manager of anyone but I do hate working with shirkers who leave the load for others while picking up a pay slip.

Thanks for your comments, but why are you assuming that she is just trying to do her job? She belittles, patronises, threatens etc. I have complained a 100 times before as has every other person who works in the same building. I am not a shirker, I have not had a day off sick since 2001. Policies and codes of conducts etc have nothing to do with someone who is not capable of being in a managerial position.

If you have complained 100 times and so has everyone else in the building then it's time to accept that there is no foundation to your accusations.

Moaning to someone is NOT officially recognised as a formal complaint.

Make a formal complaint but not before you make absolutely sure that what you are saying is true.

It is punishable by dismissal to make false accusations against colleagues what ever their position as you harm their reputation.

Saying , 'She tried to get me to go on a course.' Doesn't prove bullying.

READ your works policies and act accordingly. They have EVERYTHING to do with dealing with poor management.

Not liking the way she works isn't sufficient grounds to malign her. A lot of being an adult is just being able to deal with a variety of people. Take responsibility for what's happening to you and DO something.

Other than speaking in a sex forum I mean.

"

Oh please Granny read back on this forum. I have already said she is a bully amongst other things and my colleagues and I have taken our complaints to unions and hierarchy. Nothing has happened. If it was just me complaining fair enough, but when a whole department feels the same then there is something seriously wrong. I have been in post for 11 years and have passed many exams and gone on many training courses (regardless that I suffer from social anxiety) all relative to the job I do - this particular training session IS NOT relevant to my job, therefore a waste of time and effort. I bite the bullet where necessary, but this is not. When I say she is moody, I mean moody. From start to finish of the working day and we as a team have to tolerate this. She does a crap job as a manager. She has no man management skills and should not be allowed to carry on in post upsetting and harassing so many people.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I work for a local council and have a manager that manages me and a few others. SHE is arrogant, moody, and particularly doesn't like me very much so our meetings have usually ended with me walking out because I cannot bear the way she talks to me.

She also is trying to get the workforce work in a very regimented, uniformed way although this does not happen across the council - every office works differently.

Work is a pain and incredibly difficult having to work for a woman like this, any advice on how I can make my working day easier without getting the sack lol!!!"

If you work for a local council, then you should be able to join UNISON and get them to sort her out...you dont have to put up with it xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry, but the more posts that get made on this thread the more I feel that the OP has spent years in a cushy number, doing enough to get by with an easy going manager allowing it to happen. And now suddenly she is having to realise that some managers have higher expectations of their staff. And that the OP's attitude is making her manager come down harder on her.

I work in the public sector, I know how this governments cuts have screwed us and how workloads have increased for everyone. I also know that some people seem oblivious to those changes.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm sorry, but the more posts that get made on this thread the more I feel that the OP has spent years in a cushy number, doing enough to get by with an easy going manager allowing it to happen. And now suddenly she is having to realise that some managers have higher expectations of their staff. And that the OP's attitude is making her manager come down harder on her.

Nope, I work very hard, no tea breaks, half an hour for lunch and 8.5hours a day. Not cushy and I definitely earn my salary. My manager has no manager skills so she isn't even aware of what her expectations work wise should be, she is only interested in bullying and patronising - not around work, just how she is day in and day out. I haven't had a day's sick since 2001 and thoroughly enjoy my job getting lots of job satisfaction. I have no problems working with a manager, but please let it be someone who knows how to work in that capacity.

I work in the public sector, I know how this governments cuts have screwed us and how workloads have increased for everyone. I also know that some people seem oblivious to those changes."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I'm sorry, but the more posts that get made on this thread the more I feel that the OP has spent years in a cushy number, doing enough to get by with an easy going manager allowing it to happen. And now suddenly she is having to realise that some managers have higher expectations of their staff. And that the OP's attitude is making her manager come down harder on her.

I work in the public sector, I know how this governments cuts have screwed us and how workloads have increased for everyone. I also know that some people seem oblivious to those changes."

Nope, I work very hard, no tea breaks, half an hour for lunch and 8.5hours a day. Not cushy and I definitely earn my salary. My manager has no manager skills so she isn't even aware of what her expectations work wise should be, she is only interested in bullying and patronising - not around work, just how she is day in and day out. I haven't had a day's sick since 2001 and thoroughly enjoy my job getting lots of job satisfaction. I have no problems working with a manager, but please let it be someone who knows how to work in that capacity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's two sides to every story and in my personal opinion your not helping your work situation . Training and speaking sessions are part of most peoples jobs these days. No one can refuse training . Read your contact asvif you was a employerv I'm guessing I would have formally complained about you. If your not happy find another job .

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By *tensonSwingersCouple
over a year ago

Stenson Fields


"I work for a local council and have a manager that manages me and a few others. SHE is arrogant, moody, and particularly doesn't like me very much so our meetings have usually ended with me walking out because I cannot bear the way she talks to me.

She also is trying to get the workforce work in a very regimented, uniformed way although this does not happen across the council - every office works differently.

Work is a pain and incredibly difficult having to work for a woman like this, any advice on how I can make my working day easier without getting the sack lol!!!"

Just remember this little saying when she starts blithering on:

'Those that can, DO...those that can't, MANAGE!...lovely little play on words with a double meaning

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There's two sides to every story and in my personal opinion your not helping your work situation . Training and speaking sessions are part of most peoples jobs these days. No one can refuse training . Read your contact asvif you was a employerv I'm guessing I would have formally complained about you. If your not happy find another job . "

What a load of rubbish! Since when has being an office administrator included speaking in large groups? You read up on it I think you'll find I can't be forced to do it especially suffering from social anxiety. It is not a necessary training session and a waste of money. As my manager I would have expected to at least take something into account, but she hasn't.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"You walk out yet call her moody ?

She's trying to get the team to pull together and you ask how you can make your life easier?

She has attitude ? are you sure ? Or does she just do a good job with difficult people ?

You are too nervous to train and grow ?

Sheesh......

If most of your co workers have your problems and attitude then I think your manager has a very difficult job.

Its WORK not school or therapy.

Your managers job is to build teams and get the job done. Not wet nurse those who cherry pick what bits they can and can't do.

If you are too ill to do the job get out.

If it's something you can overcome then take the opportunities that are being laid in front of you.

Read your employers code of conduct.

Read your job description.

Make sure of all that is expected of you and if you are not doing the job make sure you are aware of the ways they can dismiss or demote you.

I would.

Especially as you seem to be making NO effort just excuses.

EARN the money.

Im sure she has a perspective on the people she works with as well.

No im not a manager of anyone but I do hate working with shirkers who leave the load for others while picking up a pay slip.

Thanks for your comments, but why are you assuming that she is just trying to do her job? She belittles, patronises, threatens etc. I have complained a 100 times before as has every other person who works in the same building. I am not a shirker, I have not had a day off sick since 2001. Policies and codes of conducts etc have nothing to do with someone who is not capable of being in a managerial position.

If you have complained 100 times and so has everyone else in the building then it's time to accept that there is no foundation to your accusations.

Moaning to someone is NOT officially recognised as a formal complaint.

Make a formal complaint but not before you make absolutely sure that what you are saying is true.

It is punishable by dismissal to make false accusations against colleagues what ever their position as you harm their reputation.

Saying , 'She tried to get me to go on a course.' Doesn't prove bullying.

READ your works policies and act accordingly. They have EVERYTHING to do with dealing with poor management.

Not liking the way she works isn't sufficient grounds to malign her. A lot of being an adult is just being able to deal with a variety of people. Take responsibility for what's happening to you and DO something.

Other than speaking in a sex forum I mean.

Oh please Granny read back on this forum. I have already said she is a bully amongst other things and my colleagues and I have taken our complaints to unions and hierarchy. Nothing has happened. If it was just me complaining fair enough, but when a whole department feels the same then there is something seriously wrong. I have been in post for 11 years and have passed many exams and gone on many training courses (regardless that I suffer from social anxiety) all relative to the job I do - this particular training session IS NOT relevant to my job, therefore a waste of time and effort. I bite the bullet where necessary, but this is not. When I say she is moody, I mean moody. From start to finish of the working day and we as a team have to tolerate this. She does a crap job as a manager. She has no man management skills and should not be allowed to carry on in post upsetting and harassing so many people."

I have read everything on the forum. All of it.

The fact that you call her a bully doesn't make her one.

Like I said - years of complaining and action ? I find it hard to believe.

You've said nothing that makes her sound like a bully so I've only your comments to go by.

Incidentally - If the powers that be decide that ALL staff should have a certain kind of training for the development of the company then it's not up to individuals to opt in or out.

I don't like talking in public either.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I love my job - it's my manager I have issues with, along with other work colleagues. She has the problems not me.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"its not easy because we spend so much of our time at work.

i know what it is like to have this problem and you carry it with you outside of the workplace because you think about it.

the way i found to get people off your back was to always be in their face.

ask question after question even if its meaningless.

show aggression in your words.

and always sit with them at lunch and say nothing but stare straight at them.

and if they have a problem ask them to see you after work because right now your busy.

i know its horrible and you shouldnt have to put up with it but sometimes being or showing anger is the only way to get people to back off.

its not the right thing to do but what else is left apart from resigning and then she's won.

good luck."

Aggressive words and eyeballing someone out is in other parliance........ tadaaaaaa BULLYING..

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You walk out yet call her moody ?

She's trying to get the team to pull together and you ask how you can make your life easier?

She has attitude ? are you sure ? Or does she just do a good job with difficult people ?

You are too nervous to train and grow ?

Sheesh......

If most of your co workers have your problems and attitude then I think your manager has a very difficult job.

Its WORK not school or therapy.

Your managers job is to build teams and get the job done. Not wet nurse those who cherry pick what bits they can and can't do.

If you are too ill to do the job get out.

If it's something you can overcome then take the opportunities that are being laid in front of you.

Read your employers code of conduct.

Read your job description.

Make sure of all that is expected of you and if you are not doing the job make sure you are aware of the ways they can dismiss or demote you.

I would.

Especially as you seem to be making NO effort just excuses.

EARN the money.

Im sure she has a perspective on the people she works with as well.

No im not a manager of anyone but I do hate working with shirkers who leave the load for others while picking up a pay slip.

Thanks for your comments, but why are you assuming that she is just trying to do her job? She belittles, patronises, threatens etc. I have complained a 100 times before as has every other person who works in the same building. I am not a shirker, I have not had a day off sick since 2001. Policies and codes of conducts etc have nothing to do with someone who is not capable of being in a managerial position.

If you have complained 100 times and so has everyone else in the building then it's time to accept that there is no foundation to your accusations.

Moaning to someone is NOT officially recognised as a formal complaint.

Make a formal complaint but not before you make absolutely sure that what you are saying is true.

It is punishable by dismissal to make false accusations against colleagues what ever their position as you harm their reputation.

Saying , 'She tried to get me to go on a course.' Doesn't prove bullying.

READ your works policies and act accordingly. They have EVERYTHING to do with dealing with poor management.

Not liking the way she works isn't sufficient grounds to malign her. A lot of being an adult is just being able to deal with a variety of people. Take responsibility for what's happening to you and DO something.

Other than speaking in a sex forum I mean.

Oh please Granny read back on this forum. I have already said she is a bully amongst other things and my colleagues and I have taken our complaints to unions and hierarchy. Nothing has happened. If it was just me complaining fair enough, but when a whole department feels the same then there is something seriously wrong. I have been in post for 11 years and have passed many exams and gone on many training courses (regardless that I suffer from social anxiety) all relative to the job I do - this particular training session IS NOT relevant to my job, therefore a waste of time and effort. I bite the bullet where necessary, but this is not. When I say she is moody, I mean moody. From start to finish of the working day and we as a team have to tolerate this. She does a crap job as a manager. She has no man management skills and should not be allowed to carry on in post upsetting and harassing so many people.

I have read everything on the forum. All of it.

The fact that you call her a bully doesn't make her one.

Like I said - years of complaining and action ? I find it hard to believe.

You've said nothing that makes her sound like a bully so I've only your comments to go by.

Incidentally - If the powers that be decide that ALL staff should have a certain kind of training for the development of the company then it's not up to individuals to opt in or out.

I don't like talking in public either."

Appreciate your comments but I wouldn't expect you to fully understand having not had to work there. Training is not compulsory where I work, particularly training which is not relative to the job I do.

My manager is moody and a bully, difficult to tell granted writing about her on a forum, but please don't just assume that I am making a fuss about nothing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

And yes, years of complaining and no action. Believe it or not, it is true. Hence why I am gobsmacked she ever got to be a manager, the fact she has so many complaints about her under her belt and now also because of her disgusting attitude.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every time she comes near you say..........."Fuck Off!"

It worked with my last manager.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"For instance, a group of us have a kind of training session on 28th June with somebody not within the council. I have said to her that if this training involves sitting around a table and talking out loud then I won't be able to go. I have a real issue with this. Her reply was don't be so silly, I don't know what it involves so it will be a surprise for all of us. I repeated that I could not go to the training if I had to speak at any time to the group out loud and I would not go to the training if it was happening. She just laughed!! What a manager eh?"

If the training is part of your development and mandatory, refusing a manager's reasonable request to attend and your refusal would have you up on a disciplinary in my organisation...and we're so laid back it's like a holiday camp.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You've said repeatedly that she is a bully. You've said it's gone on for years. yet your only supporting fact is that she has asked you to go on a course that you don't want to attend (which is far from bullying) and a meet where you walked out?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you everyone who commented here. I have taken on board all of your comments and I will take a lot of advice given. Thank you again x

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"For instance, a group of us have a kind of training session on 28th June with somebody not within the council. I have said to her that if this training involves sitting around a table and talking out loud then I won't be able to go. I have a real issue with this. Her reply was don't be so silly, I don't know what it involves so it will be a surprise for all of us. I repeated that I could not go to the training if I had to speak at any time to the group out loud and I would not go to the training if it was happening. She just laughed!! What a manager eh?

to be honest with you id have said a bit more than dont be silly

Im one of the managers of a large company and if your job involved going to such training courses and you told me you wasnt going cause you had a issue with it i wouldnt be happy

If its part of your job you have to do it to be fair you cant pick and choose what bits you want to do when you go to work "

Should have read through to the end before posting!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Bully, disgusting , patronising, bad manager....

All things you call her, amongst others but not ONE description of an actual incident.

The more you post the deeper this hole goes.....

IF hundreds of complaints have been filed OFFICIALLY and nothing has been done then go to your union ....... OH ... you said everyone has ..... then you have a CRAP union.

Change it.

If you don't have to do the training why are you complaining about it ?

You are right when you say I don't have to work with her so can't possibly know.

My guess is I'd get on with her pretty well and if she overstepped the mark I'd politely let her know but then - i'm a wuss to work with.

If you truly have a recognised medical problem 'anxiety' take a docs note in.

Sure it will be used against you in the future but hey ...... no one employs one legged footballers.

And before that poster before who says ive been institutionalised starts mud slinging..... it's just a fact of life... We want people to do the job they are paid for ..... I reserve the right to choose a window cleaner without vertigo and the lifeguard who can swim....

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You've said repeatedly that she is a bully. You've said it's gone on for years. yet your only supporting fact is that she has asked you to go on a course that you don't want to attend (which is far from bullying) and a meet where you walked out? "

Erm no sorry, the training and meetings are a separate issue to her being a bully. I do want to attend the training, just don't want to speak in a large group. The meetings usually end with her being incredibly patronising and very much a bully so walk out so it doesn't end up worse.

Not allowed to open windows

Timed when going to the ladies

She has a tape recorder in a locked draw

She leaves personal files open on her desk

She criticises people's personal appearance

She has no children and complains bitterly about colleagues having children and how stupid they are for doing so

She makes hurtful comments about colleagues who are over weight

She asks us to make her tea, if we are unable to she threatens us until we do

Just a small example of how she treats her staff.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Bully, disgusting , patronising, bad manager....

All things you call her, amongst others but not ONE description of an actual incident.

The more you post the deeper this hole goes.....

IF hundreds of complaints have been filed OFFICIALLY and nothing has been done then go to your union ....... OH ... you said everyone has ..... then you have a CRAP union.

Change it.

If you don't have to do the training why are you complaining about it ?

You are right when you say I don't have to work with her so can't possibly know.

My guess is I'd get on with her pretty well and if she overstepped the mark I'd politely let her know but then - i'm a wuss to work with.

If you truly have a recognised medical problem 'anxiety' take a docs note in.

Sure it will be used against you in the future but hey ...... no one employs one legged footballers.

And before that poster before who says ive been institutionalised starts mud slinging..... it's just a fact of life... We want people to do the job they are paid for ..... I reserve the right to choose a window cleaner without vertigo and the lifeguard who can swim.... "

Social anxiety is not anxiety. It is a medical condition that I don't need a sick note for. I am perfectly capable of explaining it and usually people accept it. Of course there are a few that don't believe it exists.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"For instance, a group of us have a kind of training session on 28th June with somebody not within the council. I have said to her that if this training involves sitting around a table and talking out loud then I won't be able to go. I have a real issue with this. Her reply was don't be so silly, I don't know what it involves so it will be a surprise for all of us. I repeated that I could not go to the training if I had to speak at any time to the group out loud and I would not go to the training if it was happening. She just laughed!! What a manager eh?

If the training is part of your development and mandatory, refusing a manager's reasonable request to attend and your refusal would have you up on a disciplinary in my organisation...and we're so laid back it's like a holiday camp. "

If it's written in your contract, maybe. It is not in my contract and is not compulsory.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

1. She can't stop you opening windows. Did she ask as it was blowing on someone with a crick in their neck or something ? LOOK AT YOUR POLICIES ON VENTILATION - MAYBE IN HEALTH AND SAFETY.

2. Timing is fine unless she writes in capitals on a whiteboard RUBY WENT FOR A SHIT.

3. I have a tape recorder in a locked drawer. One in my bag. One in my laptop case. Means NOTHING.

4. How often does she leave personal files open ? Who says she does ? Someone saw something accidentally and started a _umour ?

5. Does she criticise in earshot of others ? incidentally the opening lines of your profile are VERY critical of others in fact they are rude.

6. She's foolish to pass her thoughts about others having children. It's only given them something to use against her.

7. The fatty comments - Are they TO the fatties or behind their backs? Who says it hurts ?

8. She 'asks'...... that's nice. You don't have to. How does she threaten you ?

I can't comment further on here ......

Case dismissed.

She needs to be more professional and less freindly.

The people she manages need to step carefully. They really ARE on a hiding to false accusation charges if the above is the best they can come up with.

People have the power to rise above this kind of pathetic office behaviour.

I really don't believe the staff she manages have done anything except moan about tedium. Just sounds like bitching.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I bet annual appraisals are,,,,,,errrr,,,.somewhat tense affairs!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"1. She can't stop you opening windows. Did she ask as it was blowing on someone with a crick in their neck or something ? LOOK AT YOUR POLICIES ON VENTILATION - MAYBE IN HEALTH AND SAFETY.

2. Timing is fine unless she writes in capitals on a whiteboard RUBY WENT FOR A SHIT.

3. I have a tape recorder in a locked drawer. One in my bag. One in my laptop case. Means NOTHING.

4. How often does she leave personal files open ? Who says she does ? Someone saw something accidentally and started a _umour ?

5. Does she criticise in earshot of others ? incidentally the opening lines of your profile are VERY critical of others in fact they are rude.

6. She's foolish to pass her thoughts about others having children. It's only given them something to use against her.

7. The fatty comments - Are they TO the fatties or behind their backs? Who says it hurts ?

8. She 'asks'...... that's nice. You don't have to. How does she threaten you ?

I can't comment further on here ......

Case dismissed.

She needs to be more professional and less freindly.

The people she manages need to step carefully. They really ARE on a hiding to false accusation charges if the above is the best they can come up with.

People have the power to rise above this kind of pathetic office behaviour.

I really don't believe the staff she manages have done anything except moan about tedium. Just sounds like bitching.

"

Thank you Granny for such an in-depth response to this forum subject. I have taken on board your comments, so thank you again.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

You're welcome.

I hope it all works out.

We are more in work than at home....

It's life Jim but not as we want it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thank you everyone. I can see this eventually ending up as one big argument lol so as I said earlier I will take on board all of your comments and take things further from Monday. After actually writing down only a small part of what happens in our office has made me realise how much it has to stop. Hopefully fingers crossed with the help of other management and the unions, things can be improved. Thank you all again x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You're welcome.

I hope it all works out.

We are more in work than at home....

It's life Jim but not as we want it."

lol, did you know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You're welcome.

I hope it all works out.

We are more in work than at home....

It's life Jim but not as we want it.

lol, did you know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Oh dear... And in one line you have just proven Grannys point...

If this is your demenour around your office no wonder management reacts as they do...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"1. She can't stop you opening windows. Did she ask as it was blowing on someone with a crick in their neck or something ?

"

Actually they can if it's an older building that has had air conditioning fitted retrospectively as it screws up the air con.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"1. She can't stop you opening windows. Did she ask as it was blowing on someone with a crick in their neck or something ?

Actually they can if it's an older building that has had air conditioning fitted retrospectively as it screws up the air con. "

No there is no air conditioning - it is her decision solely not to open windows. If you defy her and open them anyway she slams them shut and threatens "don't do that again"!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"1. She can't stop you opening windows. Did she ask as it was blowing on someone with a crick in their neck or something ?

Actually they can if it's an older building that has had air conditioning fitted retrospectively as it screws up the air con. "

No there is no air conditioning - it is her decision solely not to open windows. If you defy her and open them anyway she slams them shut and threatens "don't do that again"!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You're welcome.

I hope it all works out.

We are more in work than at home....

It's life Jim but not as we want it.

lol, did you know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh dear... And in one line you have just proven Grannys point...

If this is your demenour around your office no wonder management reacts as they do...

"

lol you're funny!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

become a Union Rep, that's what I did to mine

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You're welcome.

I hope it all works out.

We are more in work than at home....

It's life Jim but not as we want it.

lol, did you know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh dear... And in one line you have just proven Grannys point...

If this is your demenour around your office no wonder management reacts as they do...

lol you're funny!!!!"

Thats what the people who I manage say...

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"You're welcome.

I hope it all works out.

We are more in work than at home....

It's life Jim but not as we want it.

lol, did you know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh dear... And in one line you have just proven Grannys point...

If this is your demenour around your office no wonder management reacts as they do...

"

Sigh...Oh dear, talk about hoisted by your own petard!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Part of work is updating and training x look on it as a new experience x as for day to day coping I think you need to get a thicker skin x u must have appraisals and one to ones. Tell her then her style of management makes you uncomfortable x your job pays the bills so be the best you can be xx

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"You're welcome.

I hope it all works out.

We are more in work than at home....

It's life Jim but not as we want it.

lol, did you know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

There's no element of sarcasm in any of my posts.

I can only assume you mean you were being sarcastic and low witted.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Part of work is updating and training x look on it as a new experience x as for day to day coping I think you need to get a thicker skin x u must have appraisals and one to ones. Tell her then her style of management makes you uncomfortable x your job pays the bills so be the best you can be xx "

Yes I agree training is good, but not training that has no relevance to the job that I do. why should I and other work colleagues have to grow a thicker skin just so that she can carry on being arrogant and rude? She needs to be punished, nobody else. I am fully aware that my job pays the bills hence I would like to be able to work in a comfortable, non-confrontational environment.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You're welcome.

I hope it all works out.

We are more in work than at home....

It's life Jim but not as we want it.

lol, did you know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There's no element of sarcasm in any of my posts.

I can only assume you mean you were being sarcastic and low witted. "

lol you are ever so funny and have posted on lots of forums you were also ever so funny.

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside

I might have missed it in amongst everything else posted here but I don't think you have said what this course is actually about?

Could it just be a team building course?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol x good luck then cos I reckon once this problem settles you'll find another x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Lol x good luck then cos I reckon once this problem settles you'll find another x "

Thanks for that, NOT.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol x perhaps she has a thread on a forum somewhere called employees with attitude x ruby try to relax x it's Saturday evening work is long way off x next week is a short week xx chillax x it's toooooo hot to be so steamed over everyone who speaks x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll just wait around for the bite x then I'll have a cup of tea x and then I'll get some gardening done xx

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

It's more of a randomized gumming than a bite.

What's your garden got in it ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol I agree x covered in ivy x been wanting to do it for ages x

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Some great advice for killing ivy on the net. My backdoor neighbours don't tend theirs and it's killing my fences....

I'll be committing murder in a few weeks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An rr bite x Gumming is allowed as it involves smiling xx lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok I'll still have the cup of tea x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Lol x perhaps she has a thread on a forum somewhere called employees with attitude x ruby try to relax x it's Saturday evening work is long way off x next week is a short week xx chillax x it's toooooo hot to be so steamed over everyone who speaks x "

I am as chilled as ever, read the thread back and see just who started the disagreements! I have thanked everyone twice now for their comments and I will be taking things further on Monday. Some people just prefer a forum to take a negative stance because it then gives them fodder for the fire lol

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay


"Lol x perhaps she has a thread on a forum somewhere called employees with attitude x ruby try to relax x it's Saturday evening work is long way off x next week is a short week xx chillax x it's toooooo hot to be so steamed over everyone who speaks x

I am as chilled as ever, read the thread back and see just who started the disagreements! I have thanked everyone twice now for their comments and I will be taking things further on Monday. Some people just prefer a forum to take a negative stance because it then gives them fodder for the fire lol "

So you start a thread with the thought that you will only accept responses that totally agree with you and anything else is 'negative'?

I thought the thread gave a good viewpoint from both sides.....surely that's what debate is all about?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" I am as chilled as ever, read the thread back and see just who started the disagreements! "

Should I class people who disagree with my opinion as disagreeable for starting the disagreements...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Lol x perhaps she has a thread on a forum somewhere called employees with attitude x ruby try to relax x it's Saturday evening work is long way off x next week is a short week xx chillax x it's toooooo hot to be so steamed over everyone who speaks x

I am as chilled as ever, read the thread back and see just who started the disagreements! I have thanked everyone twice now for their comments and I will be taking things further on Monday. Some people just prefer a forum to take a negative stance because it then gives them fodder for the fire lol

So you start a thread with the thought that you will only accept responses that totally agree with you and anything else is 'negative'?

I thought the thread gave a good viewpoint from both sides.....surely that's what debate is all about?"

Again I will say I thanked everyone for their comments and will be taking things further on Monday. There have been some very good comments and for a third time, thank you everyone.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Lol x perhaps she has a thread on a forum somewhere called employees with attitude x ruby try to relax x it's Saturday evening work is long way off x next week is a short week xx chillax x it's toooooo hot to be so steamed over everyone who speaks x

I am as chilled as ever, read the thread back and see just who started the disagreements! I have thanked everyone twice now for their comments and I will be taking things further on Monday. Some people just prefer a forum to take a negative stance because it then gives them fodder for the fire lol

So you start a thread with the thought that you will only accept responses that totally agree with you and anything else is 'negative'?

I thought the thread gave a good viewpoint from both sides.....surely that's what debate is all about?"

Again I will say I thanked everyone for their comments and will be taking things further on Monday. There have been some very good comments and for a third time, thank you everyone.

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush

Why do you need to involve the union? The normal process would be to sit down with her and try and iron out your differences to try and work out why she is being a twat. If that doesn't work you request a meeting with her line manager with HR also in attendance. As long as you have a valid case just keep going higher until your issue is resolved.

In the meantime post some rotting fish to her.

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

Resign.

And find a job and manager that can operate to your standards?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why do you need to involve the union? The normal process would be to sit down with her and try and iron out your differences to try and work out why she is being a twat. If that doesn't work you request a meeting with her line manager with HR also in attendance. As long as you have a valid case just keep going higher until your issue is resolved.

In the meantime post some rotting fish to her."

Why would you not utilise the union in a grievance issue?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Lol x perhaps she has a thread on a forum somewhere called employees with attitude x ruby try to relax x it's Saturday evening work is long way off x next week is a short week xx chillax x it's toooooo hot to be so steamed over everyone who speaks x

I am as chilled as ever, read the thread back and see just who started the disagreements! I have thanked everyone twice now for their comments and I will be taking things further on Monday. Some people just prefer a forum to take a negative stance because it then gives them fodder for the fire lol "

still biting at everyone though x how did i know that would happen x

but on a positive note i found a pond in the garden lol havent seen it in years.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Lol x perhaps she has a thread on a forum somewhere called employees with attitude x ruby try to relax x it's Saturday evening work is long way off x next week is a short week xx chillax x it's toooooo hot to be so steamed over everyone who speaks x

I am as chilled as ever, read the thread back and see just who started the disagreements! I have thanked everyone twice now for their comments and I will be taking things further on Monday. Some people just prefer a forum to take a negative stance because it then gives them fodder for the fire lol

still biting at everyone though x how did i know that would happen x

but on a positive note i found a pond in the garden lol havent seen it in years."

now all you need is that life you've lost

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush


"Why do you need to involve the union? The normal process would be to sit down with her and try and iron out your differences to try and work out why she is being a twat. If that doesn't work you request a meeting with her line manager with HR also in attendance. As long as you have a valid case just keep going higher until your issue is resolved.

In the meantime post some rotting fish to her.

Why would you not utilise the union in a grievance issue?"

Because we can't be doing with another public sector strike

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" ...on a positive note i found a pond in the garden lol havent seen it in years."

Well ya knows where to send any rotting fish ya find...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why do you need to involve the union? The normal process would be to sit down with her and try and iron out your differences to try and work out why she is being a twat. If that doesn't work you request a meeting with her line manager with HR also in attendance. As long as you have a valid case just keep going higher until your issue is resolved.

In the meantime post some rotting fish to her.

Why would you not utilise the union in a grievance issue?

Because we can't be doing with another public sector strike "

So a local level grievance could lead to a strike?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

well i 3 different tattoo parlours , they love me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If ur that bothered get a new job n quit moanin... We all hav do things that we may feel anxious or out of our depths about sometimes but thats just life u just get on with it.... If the manager really was that bad they wudnt hav gt promoted n def wudnt still be working there.... Ur all there to do a job just like the manager so shut up n put up or get out... Pretty simple to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If ur that bothered get a new job n quit moanin... We all hav do things that we may feel anxious or out of our depths about sometimes but thats just life u just get on with it.... If the manager really was that bad they wudnt hav gt promoted n def wudnt still be working there.... Ur all there to do a job just like the manager so shut up n put up or get out... Pretty simple to me"
WE have all been there.You should not need to get a new job.obviously youre boss is a cock and you should be spoken to with respect at all times.He or she sounds like a asshole if they have a point then with a degree of intellect it should be put across.Other than that if they can't do there job they should fuck off..x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If ur that bothered get a new job n quit moanin... We all hav do things that we may feel anxious or out of our depths about sometimes but thats just life u just get on with it.... If the manager really was that bad they wudnt hav gt promoted n def wudnt still be working there.... Ur all there to do a job just like the manager so shut up n put up or get out... Pretty simple to me"

I also have a line manager who is a bully, speaks to people like they are something she has scraped off the bottom of her shoes, is rude and has no people skills (luckily she is not my line manager). I have been told by my line manager that the only way to sort her out is for all the staff to report her, rather than either one person, or moaning about her in our one to one's as its pointless.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Lol x perhaps she has a thread on a forum somewhere called employees with attitude x ruby try to relax x it's Saturday evening work is long way off x next week is a short week xx chillax x it's toooooo hot to be so steamed over everyone who speaks x

I am as chilled as ever, read the thread back and see just who started the disagreements! I have thanked everyone twice now for their comments and I will be taking things further on Monday. Some people just prefer a forum to take a negative stance because it then gives them fodder for the fire lol

still biting at everyone though x how did i know that would happen x

but on a positive note i found a pond in the garden lol havent seen it in years.

now all you need is that life you've lost "

but im not the one woosing on here and spending my time being such a spikey article like you am i.

take a fucking chill pill love

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc


"If ur that bothered get a new job n quit moanin... We all hav do things that we may feel anxious or out of our depths about sometimes but thats just life u just get on with it.... If the manager really was that bad they wudnt hav gt promoted n def wudnt still be working there.... Ur all there to do a job just like the manager so shut up n put up or get out... Pretty simple to meWE have all been there.You should not need to get a new job.obviously youre boss is a cock and you should be spoken to with respect at all times.He or she sounds like a asshole if they have a point then with a degree of intellect it should be put across.Other than that if they can't do there job they should fuck off..x "

Yes, its so easy to get a new job at the minute

Feel sorry for the OP who wanted some advice but got a load of nasty, sarcastic and unhelpful comments back. Including being pulled up for assuming another poster was being sarcastic, which I wont comment on any further.

Hope those who posted those points dont need help in the future!

Anyway, back to the original question, unfortunately I am not sure how much grievance (sic?) Procedures work these days, as its been a while since I have worked in that sort of environment.

If you feel there is bullying and other bad management involved, especially in regards to your anxiety do you have a welfare officer you can talk to who may be able to offer further advice?

I was bullied, suffered from sexual discrimination and had to deal with (and dig out of trouble ) an alcoholic manager at work, but carried on until I broke and would not wish anyone to deal with shit at work, I got out but know many others were not as fortunate as me.

Good luck with everything Ruby, hope you get it sorted x

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc


"Lol x perhaps she has a thread on a forum somewhere called employees with attitude x ruby try to relax x it's Saturday evening work is long way off x next week is a short week xx chillax x it's toooooo hot to be so steamed over everyone who speaks x

I am as chilled as ever, read the thread back and see just who started the disagreements! I have thanked everyone twice now for their comments and I will be taking things further on Monday. Some people just prefer a forum to take a negative stance because it then gives them fodder for the fire lol

still biting at everyone though x how did i know that would happen x

but on a positive note i found a pond in the garden lol havent seen it in years.

now all you need is that life you've lost

but im not the one woosing on here and spending my time being such a spikey article like you am i.

take a fucking chill pill love "

Woosing on here? And being a spikey article? I can only see the OP being spikey when others seem to be zoning in on her. As for taking a chill pill, what help is that comment when the OP is asking for advice?

Ok, we do not know THE whole story of what goes on at the OP's work but have a bit of compassion towards others who are having a bad time of things!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Lol x perhaps she has a thread on a forum somewhere called employees with attitude x ruby try to relax x it's Saturday evening work is long way off x next week is a short week xx chillax x it's toooooo hot to be so steamed over everyone who speaks x

I am as chilled as ever, read the thread back and see just who started the disagreements! I have thanked everyone twice now for their comments and I will be taking things further on Monday. Some people just prefer a forum to take a negative stance because it then gives them fodder for the fire lol

still biting at everyone though x how did i know that would happen x

but on a positive note i found a pond in the garden lol havent seen it in years.

now all you need is that life you've lost

but im not the one woosing on here and spending my time being such a spikey article like you am i.

take a fucking chill pill love

Woosing on here? And being a spikey article? I can only see the OP being spikey when others seem to be zoning in on her. As for taking a chill pill, what help is that comment when the OP is asking for advice?

Ok, we do not know THE whole story of what goes on at the OP's work but have a bit of compassion towards others who are having a bad time of things!"

lol x i advised to relax x as its sat but whatever is said here is taken negatively . life really is tooooooooooooo short.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc


"Lol x perhaps she has a thread on a forum somewhere called employees with attitude x ruby try to relax x it's Saturday evening work is long way off x next week is a short week xx chillax x it's toooooo hot to be so steamed over everyone who speaks x

I am as chilled as ever, read the thread back and see just who started the disagreements! I have thanked everyone twice now for their comments and I will be taking things further on Monday. Some people just prefer a forum to take a negative stance because it then gives them fodder for the fire lol

still biting at everyone though x how did i know that would happen x

but on a positive note i found a pond in the garden lol havent seen it in years.

now all you need is that life you've lost

but im not the one woosing on here and spending my time being such a spikey article like you am i.

take a fucking chill pill love

Woosing on here? And being a spikey article? I can only see the OP being spikey when others seem to be zoning in on her. As for taking a chill pill, what help is that comment when the OP is asking for advice?

Ok, we do not know THE whole story of what goes on at the OP's work but have a bit of compassion towards others who are having a bad time of things!

lol x i advised to relax x as its sat but whatever is said here is taken negatively . life really is tooooooooooooo short. "

I agree, life is way too short, but she asked for help and just got shit. Imagine if you had asked for help, would you appreciate a "take a chill pill luv"? X not being argumentative, just feel sorry for the op x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Easy. Just smile every time you talk to her. It will show she can't get you down, it'll therefore tick her off, but she can hardly criticise you for it!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

thats ok x i cant feel sorry for her x i would work out how im gonna make things better for myself at work.

every comment gets a bite though x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Easy. Just smile every time you talk to her. It will show she can't get you down, it'll therefore tick her off, but she can hardly criticise you for it!

"
kill em with kindness -works every time x lol x

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc


"thats ok x i cant feel sorry for her x i would work out how im gonna make things better for myself at work.

every comment gets a bite though x "

But others may not be as strong as you! Its hard because everyone has different experiences and different personalities/attitudes to deal with these situations.

I admit, Im a soft git and feel something for everyone (within reason!) So maybe I'm not the best person to give advice or defend someone I dont know the ins n outs of the situation, but I try n see the best in everyone x

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *umourCouple
over a year ago

Rushden

Apart from a flimsy excuse, what is "Social Anxiety"?

Seems to me that the OP just wants a cushy life. The fact that complaints have been made to the union and nothing has been done, tells me that the union recognises that the Manager is in the right!

How the hell does the OP manage when going into a shop and talks to strangers? How does she manage when she goes on holiday? I suspect that there is anger in the office because she was promoted to Manager and everyone else is jealous. Gone from a workmate to a boss and that frightens everyone! The new manager actually knows all the little wrinkles used to shirk and now she can deal with it!

Grow some feckin balls and stop expecting everyone else to carry you!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc

You have no idea what social anxiety or even anxiety can do!

Imagine trying to speak to a few people, and all you feel is a burning sensation running up your chest, neck and to your face (no one else can see you burning up btw) you try to speak but nothing but a squeak or strange voice appears. Imagine you're a 16 yr old boy and your voice has broke but has a squeak now n again. Imagine you are in a room of 100's and think they are all looking at YOU.

You may feel confident and sure of yourself, but not everyone has that luxury!

Try googling social anxiety if you've never come across such a thing before posting heartless comments like that! Have you ever heard of mental illnesses and their stigmas? Probably not.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Apart from a flimsy excuse, what is "Social Anxiety"? "

Wicky has a pretty good definition of it.


" How the hell does the OP manage when going into a shop and talks to strangers? "

Obviously I can't speak for the OP, but for myself, I simply couldn't. It took 6months of walking past the same coffee shop on route to work for me to eventually have the 'feckin balls' to walk through the door.

Something as simple as going to a pub with friend would have me shaking and crying outside for about 10 minutes before I could actually walk through the door... I would have panic attacks in the street if it was busy with people, and I would feel my mouth dry up everytime a 'stranger' spoke to me.


" Grow some feckin balls and stop expecting everyone else to carry you! "

I eventually 'grew some balls' not very big ones just enough to be honest with my doctor and have get the help I needed.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Apart from a flimsy excuse, what is "Social Anxiety"?

Wicky has a pretty good definition of it.

How the hell does the OP manage when going into a shop and talks to strangers?

Obviously I can't speak for the OP, but for myself, I simply couldn't. It took 6months of walking past the same coffee shop on route to work for me to eventually have the 'feckin balls' to walk through the door.

Something as simple as going to a pub with friend would have me shaking and crying outside for about 10 minutes before I could actually walk through the door... I would have panic attacks in the street if it was busy with people, and I would feel my mouth dry up everytime a 'stranger' spoke to me.

Grow some feckin balls and stop expecting everyone else to carry you!

I eventually 'grew some balls' not very big ones just enough to be honest with my doctor and have get the help I needed.

"

good for you - be in control x

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *els_BellsWoman
over a year ago

with the moon n stars somewhere in gtr manc


"Apart from a flimsy excuse, what is "Social Anxiety"?

Wicky has a pretty good definition of it.

How the hell does the OP manage when going into a shop and talks to strangers?

Obviously I can't speak for the OP, but for myself, I simply couldn't. It took 6months of walking past the same coffee shop on route to work for me to eventually have the 'feckin balls' to walk through the door.

Something as simple as going to a pub with friend would have me shaking and crying outside for about 10 minutes before I could actually walk through the door... I would have panic attacks in the street if it was busy with people, and I would feel my mouth dry up everytime a 'stranger' spoke to me.

Grow some feckin balls and stop expecting everyone else to carry you!

I eventually 'grew some balls' not very big ones just enough to be honest with my doctor and have get the help I needed.

"

Thanks Fia, I couldnt find the best way to describe it. All I know is it is so hard and can come out of no where x

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is no point in a group of workers bitching about their line manager, it just feeds negativity in the work place.

From the comments posted here by the OP I'm feeling that its more of a personal problem than bad management.

in the public sector there are policies and procedures in place, as well as supervision and appraisals.

so if you really do feel strongly that you are being victimised then the following should help:

Speak to your line manager, yes I'm aware its the person you are having an issue with. Speak up in your supervision about how you feel, notes are always recorded on supervision sessions. If she doesn't write it down, ask her to.

Refusing to go on courses because you don't like them is not an option. If you have a condition then get a note from your doctor to prove you do. Otherwise anyone could say they've got fictitious illnesses.

Meetings are usually minuted. If a patronising comment is made, speak up and say you feel the comment unnecessary and explaon why. If you feel you need to walk out then explain why you are doing so and ask for this to be minuted. Though someone suffering from social anxiety may find this difficult to do, but you say you've done this in the past so you can't be that anxious.

Yearly appraisals, mention the way you're feeling. You have a written page on appraisals, things are in writing, use it effectively.

If all fails invoke the first stage of grivance procedure, but make sure you really belive you are being victimised as you will find your other colleagues won't be so eager to take things officially as you all seem to find it gossiping about your manager.

And just because the outcome is not what you want, ie for this woman to be demoted, then that doesn't mean problems haven't been raised and worked through.

Your various 'thank you for your comments' remarks on this thread alone suggest to me that you wish the discussion to end because people are not agreeing with you. Can this be happening at work, you just don't want to listen to your line manager because you dislike her or feel affronted that she was promoted to this position.

If there really are issues that need to be dealt with and this woman is bullying it will be resolved.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There is no point in a group of workers bitching about their line manager, it just feeds negativity in the work place.

From the comments posted here by the OP I'm feeling that its more of a personal problem than bad management.

in the public sector there are policies and procedures in place, as well as supervision and appraisals.

so if you really do feel strongly that you are being victimised then the following should help:

Speak to your line manager, yes I'm aware its the person you are having an issue with. Speak up in your supervision about how you feel, notes are always recorded on supervision sessions. If she doesn't write it down, ask her to.

Refusing to go on courses because you don't like them is not an option. If you have a condition then get a note from your doctor to prove you do. Otherwise anyone could say they've got fictitious illnesses.

Meetings are usually minuted. If a patronising comment is made, speak up and say you feel the comment unnecessary and explaon why. If you feel you need to walk out then explain why you are doing so and ask for this to be minuted. Though someone suffering from social anxiety may find this difficult to do, but you say you've done this in the past so you can't be that anxious.

Yearly appraisals, mention the way you're feeling. You have a written page on appraisals, things are in writing, use it effectively.

If all fails invoke the first stage of grivance procedure, but make sure you really belive you are being victimised as you will find your other colleagues won't be so eager to take things officially as you all seem to find it gossiping about your manager.

And just because the outcome is not what you want, ie for this woman to be demoted, then that doesn't mean problems haven't been raised and worked through.

Your various 'thank you for your comments' remarks on this thread alone suggest to me that you wish the discussion to end because people are not agreeing with you. Can this be happening at work, you just don't want to listen to your line manager because you dislike her or feel affronted that she was promoted to this position.

If there really are issues that need to be dealt with and this woman is bullying it will be resolved. "

Thank you for your comments. You made me smile when you said the reason I had thanked everyone a few times because people weren't agreeing with me and I wanted it to end - funny there was me thinking I was being polite and thoughtful. Read back I think this is now the third time I have mentioned that I will be taking things further on Monday. I have also mentioned a few times that it is not just me that has the issues, my work colleagues do too, I have just been talking about things that have happened to me, but similar has happened to others. The manager really is not a nice person and does not do her job properly, and really is nothing to do with just bitching about her, it really is bad management. The manager is fully aware of the fact I suffer from social anxiety (please google the condition, it is far from fictitious) and it isn't a case of just not wanting to do the training, I do want to do the training I just don't want to have to speak out loud to a large group of people and I think the training could still be successful if we leave that part out. Lots and lots of complaints have been made about this manager that go back a period of 10 years by a lot of people in the same building, not just by me. I do not want this woman to be demoted (where did I ever mention that?) all I want is for her to do her job properly. I have listed here on this thread some of the things she does but I would point out it is only a very small part, there is so much more that goes on.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"There is no point in a group of workers bitching about their line manager, it just feeds negativity in the work place.

From the comments posted here by the OP I'm feeling that its more of a personal problem than bad management.

in the public sector there are policies and procedures in place, as well as supervision and appraisals.

so if you really do feel strongly that you are being victimised thoen the following should help:

Speak to your line manager, yes I'm aware its the person you are having an issue with. Speak up in your supervision about how you feel, notes are always recorded on supervision sessions. If she doesn't write it down, ask her to.

Refusing to go on courses because you don't like them is not an option. If you have a condition then get a note from your doctor to prove you do. Otherwise anyone could say they've got fictitious illnesses.

Meetings are usually minuted. If a patronising comment is made, speak up and say you feel the comment unnecessary and explaon why. If you feel you need to walk out then explain why you are doing so and ask for this to be minuted. Though someone suffering from social anxiety may find this difficult to do, but you say you've done this in the past so you can't be that anxious.

Yearly appraisals, mention the way you're feeling. You have a written page on appraisals, things are in writing, use it effectively.

If all fails invoke the first stage of grivance procedure, but make sure you really belive you are being victimised as you will find your other colleagues won't be so eager to take things officially as you all seem to find it gossiping about your manager.

And just because the outcome is not what you want, ie for this woman to be demoted, then that doesn't mean problems haven't been raised and worked through.

Your various 'thank you for your comments' remarks on this thread alone suggest to me that you wish the discussion to end because people are not agreeing with you. Can this be happening at work, you just don't want to listen to your line manager because you dislike her or feel affronted that she was promoted to this position.

If there really are issues that need to be dealt with and this woman is bullying it will be resolved.

Thank you for your comments. You made me smile when you said the reason I had thanked everyone a few times because people weren't agreeing with me and I wanted it to end - funny there was me thinking I was being polite and thoughtful. Read back I think this is now the third time I have mentioned that I will be taking things further on Monday. I have also mentioned a few times that it is not just me that has the issues, my work colleagues do too, I have just been talking about things that have happened to me, but similar has happened to others. The manager really is not a nice person and does not do her job properly, and really is nothing to do with just bitching about her, it really is bad management. The manager is fully aware of the fact I suffer from social anxiety (please google the condition, it is far from fictitious) and it isn't a case of just not wanting to do the training, I do want to do the training I just don't want to have to speak out loud to a large group of people and I think the training could still be successful if we leave that part out. Lots and lots of complaints have been made about this manager that go back a period of 10 years by a lot of people in the same building, not just by me. I do not want this woman to be demoted (where did I ever mention that?) all I want is for her to do her job properly. I have listed here on this thread some of the things she does but I would point out it is only a very small part, there is so much more that goes on. "

After reading Iconic's reasoned and helpful post and your somewhat dismissive response...along with your other comments on this thread, I can only come to one conclusion: you must be a nightmare to work with.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There is no point in a group of workers bitching about their line manager, it just feeds negativity in the work place.

From the comments posted here by the OP I'm feeling that its more of a personal problem than bad management.

in the public sector there are policies and procedures in place, as well as supervision and appraisals.

so if you really do feel strongly that you are being victimised thoen the following should help:

Speak to your line manager, yes I'm aware its the person you are having an issue with. Speak up in your supervision about how you feel, notes are always recorded on supervision sessions. If she doesn't write it down, ask her to.

Refusing to go on courses because you don't like them is not an option. If you have a condition then get a note from your doctor to prove you do. Otherwise anyone could say they've got fictitious illnesses.

Meetings are usually minuted. If a patronising comment is made, speak up and say you feel the comment unnecessary and explaon why. If you feel you need to walk out then explain why you are doing so and ask for this to be minuted. Though someone suffering from social anxiety may find this difficult to do, but you say you've done this in the past so you can't be that anxious.

Yearly appraisals, mention the way you're feeling. You have a written page on appraisals, things are in writing, use it effectively.

If all fails invoke the first stage of grivance procedure, but make sure you really belive you are being victimised as you will find your other colleagues won't be so eager to take things officially as you all seem to find it gossiping about your manager.

And just because the outcome is not what you want, ie for this woman to be demoted, then that doesn't mean problems haven't been raised and worked through.

Your various 'thank you for your comments' remarks on this thread alone suggest to me that you wish the discussion to end because people are not agreeing with you. Can this be happening at work, you just don't want to listen to your line manager because you dislike her or feel affronted that she was promoted to this position.

If there really are issues that need to be dealt with and this woman is bullying it will be resolved.

Thank you for your comments. You made me smile when you said the reason I had thanked everyone a few times because people weren't agreeing with me and I wanted it to end - funny there was me thinking I was being polite and thoughtful. Read back I think this is now the third time I have mentioned that I will be taking things further on Monday. I have also mentioned a few times that it is not just me that has the issues, my work colleagues do too, I have just been talking about things that have happened to me, but similar has happened to others. The manager really is not a nice person and does not do her job properly, and really is nothing to do with just bitching about her, it really is bad management. The manager is fully aware of the fact I suffer from social anxiety (please google the condition, it is far from fictitious) and it isn't a case of just not wanting to do the training, I do want to do the training I just don't want to have to speak out loud to a large group of people and I think the training could still be successful if we leave that part out. Lots and lots of complaints have been made about this manager that go back a period of 10 years by a lot of people in the same building, not just by me. I do not want this woman to be demoted (where did I ever mention that?) all I want is for her to do her job properly. I have listed here on this thread some of the things she does but I would point out it is only a very small part, there is so much more that goes on.

After reading Iconic's reasoned and helpful post and your somewhat dismissive response...along with your other comments on this thread, I can only come to one conclusion: you must be a nightmare to work with.

"

And I said thank you and I am taking it further tomorrow. I have appreciated everybody's comments and advice, it goes without saying that there will be differing opinions. I have only been trying to explain what is going on and if I have come across as rude or arrogant then I apologise.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP firstly - do not patronise me (something you accuse your line manager of doing).

I will not read back or google or incidentally care what you are going to do on Monday and how many times you've thanked people. I'm not being nasty but your choice on what to do is up to you, you don't need to clarify it to the forum.

It does not matter how many other people have made comments about this woman, do not concern yourselves with others, it is you that counts and you who will stand alone to take this grievance up. If you have a strong enough case things will change in the workplace.

You cannot dictate what happens in a training course just because you don't like it. Have a word with the trainer to say you feel anxious when speaking in a group. Otherwise prove you have anxiety attacks to your employer, show them your prescription for the tablets etc. Proof not word of mouth. If you can't do that, just go on the course, it won't kill you.

You are not so anxious that you can't walk out of meetings, use the technique you apply to get the strength to do that, to get through the course.

The only way to make changes is to voice your unhappiness and have it put in writing.

Higher management must feel she is doing her job efficiently, she would also be supervised and have appraisals. If she's still in post, she's working to their satisfaction.

Just be mindful and be professional and decide what's right for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You have no idea what social anxiety or even anxiety can do!

Imagine trying to speak to a few people, and all you feel is a burning sensation running up your chest, neck and to your face (no one else can see you burning up btw) you try to speak but nothing but a squeak or strange voice appears. Imagine you're a 16 yr old boy and your voice has broke but has a squeak now n again. Imagine you are in a room of 100's and think they are all looking at YOU.

"

I'm not been argumentative here, but why is that being labelled as "social anxiety" - why is it not just anxiety or a panic attack?

I have a fairly good knowledge of mental illness both from personal experience and on a professional level. On a daily basis I read GP reports and quite often CMHT ones - I genuinely don't think I've ever seen the term.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There is no point in a group of workers bitching about their line manager, it just feeds negativity in the work place.

From the comments posted here by the OP I'm feeling that its more of a personal problem than bad management.

in the public sector there are policies and procedures in place, as well as supervision and appraisals.

so if you really do feel strongly that you are being victimised then the following should help:

Speak to your line manager, yes I'm aware its the person you are having an issue with. Speak up in your supervision about how you feel, notes are always recorded on supervision sessions. If she doesn't write it down, ask her to.

Refusing to go on courses because you don't like them is not an option. If you have a condition then get a note from your doctor to prove you do. Otherwise anyone could say they've got fictitious illnesses.

Meetings are usually minuted. If a patronising comment is made, speak up and say you feel the comment unnecessary and explaon why. If you feel you need to walk out then explain why you are doing so and ask for this to be minuted. Though someone suffering from social anxiety may find this difficult to do, but you say you've done this in the past so you can't be that anxious.

Yearly appraisals, mention the way you're feeling. You have a written page on appraisals, things are in writing, use it effectively.

If all fails invoke the first stage of grivance procedure, but make sure you really belive you are being victimised as you will find your other colleagues won't be so eager to take things officially as you all seem to find it gossiping about your manager.

And just because the outcome is not what you want, ie for this woman to be demoted, then that doesn't mean problems haven't been raised and worked through.

Your various 'thank you for your comments' remarks on this thread alone suggest to me that you wish the discussion to end because people are not agreeing with you. Can this be happening at work, you just don't want to listen to your line manager because you dislike her or feel affronted that she was promoted to this position.

If there really are issues that need to be dealt with and this woman is bullying it will be resolved.

Thank you for your comments. You made me smile when you said the reason I had thanked everyone a few times because people weren't agreeing with me and I wanted it to end - funny there was me thinking I was being polite and thoughtful. Read back I think this is now the third time I have mentioned that I will be taking things further on Monday. I have also mentioned a few times that it is not just me that has the issues, my work colleagues do too, I have just been talking about things that have happened to me, but similar has happened to others. The manager really is not a nice person and does not do her job properly, and really is nothing to do with just bitching about her, it really is bad management. The manager is fully aware of the fact I suffer from social anxiety (please google the condition, it is far from fictitious) and it isn't a case of just not wanting to do the training, I do want to do the training I just don't want to have to speak out loud to a large group of people and I think the training could still be successful if we leave that part out. Lots and lots of complaints have been made about this manager that go back a period of 10 years by a lot of people in the same building, not just by me. I do not want this woman to be demoted (where did I ever mention that?) all I want is for her to do her job properly. I have listed here on this thread some of the things she does but I would point out it is only a very small part, there is so much more that goes on. "

Are you a qualified trainer because if your not I don't understand how you can think that the training will be the same without the need to talk out loud.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"OP firstly - do not patronise me (something you accuse your line manager of doing).

I will not read back or google or incidentally care what you are going to do on Monday and how many times you've thanked people. I'm not being nasty but your choice on what to do is up to you, you don't need to clarify it to the forum.

It does not matter how many other people have made comments about this woman, do not concern yourselves with others, it is you that counts and you who will stand alone to take this grievance up. If you have a strong enough case things will change in the workplace.

You cannot dictate what happens in a training course just because you don't like it. Have a word with the trainer to say you feel anxious when speaking in a group. Otherwise prove you have anxiety attacks to your employer, show them your prescription for the tablets etc. Proof not word of mouth. If you can't do that, just go on the course, it won't kill you.

You are not so anxious that you can't walk out of meetings, use the technique you apply to get the strength to do that, to get through the course.

The only way to make changes is to voice your unhappiness and have it put in writing.

Higher management must feel she is doing her job efficiently, she would also be supervised and have appraisals. If she's still in post, she's working to their satisfaction.

Just be mindful and be professional and decide what's right for you "

If you can't be bothered to read through the forum or google then your problem not mine matey - talking to a brick wall has been more entertaining than trying to get through to a prat like you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You have no idea what social anxiety or even anxiety can do!

Imagine trying to speak to a few people, and all you feel is a burning sensation running up your chest, neck and to your face (no one else can see you burning up btw) you try to speak but nothing but a squeak or strange voice appears. Imagine you're a 16 yr old boy and your voice has broke but has a squeak now n again. Imagine you are in a room of 100's and think they are all looking at YOU.

I'm not been argumentative here, but why is that being labelled as "social anxiety" - why is it not just anxiety or a panic attack?

I have a fairly good knowledge of mental illness both from personal experience and on a professional level. On a daily basis I read GP reports and quite often CMHT ones - I genuinely don't think I've ever seen the term.

"

Easier to google it than to explain here. But surprised that you haven't heard of it. Sounds like a few people though so you're not alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"talking to a brick wall has been more entertaining than trying to get through to a prat like you."

I take it social anxiety doesn't have any detrimental effect to your posting on forums.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You have no idea what social anxiety or even anxiety can do!

Imagine trying to speak to a few people, and all you feel is a burning sensation running up your chest, neck and to your face (no one else can see you burning up btw) you try to speak but nothing but a squeak or strange voice appears. Imagine you're a 16 yr old boy and your voice has broke but has a squeak now n again. Imagine you are in a room of 100's and think they are all looking at YOU.

I'm not been argumentative here, but why is that being labelled as "social anxiety" - why is it not just anxiety or a panic attack?

I have a fairly good knowledge of mental illness both from personal experience and on a professional level. On a daily basis I read GP reports and quite often CMHT ones - I genuinely don't think I've ever seen the term.

"

Social anxiety is anxiety (emotional discomfort, fear, apprehension, or worry) about social situations, interactions with others, and being evaluated or scrutinized by other people.[1] The difference between social anxiety and normal apprehension of social situations is that social anxiety involves an intense feeling of fear in social situations and especially situations that are unfamiliar or in which you will be watched or evaluated by others. The feeling of fear is so great that in these types of situations one may be so worried that he feels anxious just thinking about them and will go to great lengths to avoid them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" "talking to a brick wall has been more entertaining than trying to get through to a prat like you."

I take it social anxiety doesn't have any detrimental effect to your posting on forums. "

Social anxiety is anxiety (emotional discomfort, fear, apprehension, or worry) about social situations, interactions with others, and being evaluated or scrutinized by other people.[1] The difference between social anxiety and normal apprehension of social situations is that social anxiety involves an intense feeling of fear in social situations and especially situations that are unfamiliar or in which you will be watched or evaluated by others. The feeling of fear is so great that in these types of situations one may be so worried that he feels anxious just thinking about them and will go to great lengths to avoid them.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


" "talking to a brick wall has been more entertaining than trying to get through to a prat like you."

I take it social anxiety doesn't have any detrimental effect to your posting on forums. "

As I said...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" "talking to a brick wall has been more entertaining than trying to get through to a prat like you."

I take it social anxiety doesn't have any detrimental effect to your posting on forums.

As I said... "

You see what I mean? try reading this and you will see why social anxiety doesn't have a detrimental effect to posting on forums:

Social anxiety is anxiety (emotional discomfort, fear, apprehension, or worry) about social situations, interactions with others, and being evaluated or scrutinized by other people.[1] The difference between social anxiety and normal apprehension of social situations is that social anxiety involves an intense feeling of fear in social situations and especially situations that are unfamiliar or in which you will be watched or evaluated by others. The feeling of fear is so great that in these types of situations one may be so worried that he feels anxious just thinking about them and will go to great lengths to avoid them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" "talking to a brick wall has been more entertaining than trying to get through to a prat like you."

I take it social anxiety doesn't have any detrimental effect to your posting on forums. "

Good grief. I first read this and was on the side of the OP, thinking she had a fair case. But reading her comments I think her manager perhaps understands her only too well.

And the reply that Iconic posted, that the OP called her a prat for.... I thought iconic's post was very good, very fair and a lot of good points. OP- chill out!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" "talking to a brick wall has been more entertaining than trying to get through to a prat like you."

I take it social anxiety doesn't have any detrimental effect to your posting on forums.

Good grief. I first read this and was on the side of the OP, thinking she had a fair case. But reading her comments I think her manager perhaps understands her only too well.

And the reply that Iconic posted, that the OP called her a prat for.... I thought iconic's post was very good, very fair and a lot of good points. OP- chill out! "

Off out to enjoy glorious sunshine now, suggest you do the same - breath of fresh air might help you lol

Bye and thank you all for constructive comments and the criticism - all taken on board and occasionally even slapped my wrist for being such a silly billy. Bye.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP you will be well up for meeting with your line manager after this forum thread, I see just answering all posters on here as helping reduce your "communication apprehension"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" "talking to a brick wall has been more entertaining than trying to get through to a prat like you."

I take it social anxiety doesn't have any detrimental effect to your posting on forums.

Good grief. I first read this and was on the side of the OP, thinking she had a fair case. But reading her comments I think her manager perhaps understands her only too well.

And the reply that Iconic posted, that the OP called her a prat for.... I thought iconic's post was very good, very fair and a lot of good points. OP- chill out! "

You must have been promised a shag by Iconic is all I can say lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im sorry i can see where iconic is going with her post as well!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" "talking to a brick wall has been more entertaining than trying to get through to a prat like you."

I take it social anxiety doesn't have any detrimental effect to your posting on forums.

Good grief. I first read this and was on the side of the OP, thinking she had a fair case. But reading her comments I think her manager perhaps understands her only too well.

And the reply that Iconic posted, that the OP called her a prat for.... I thought iconic's post was very good, very fair and a lot of good points. OP- chill out! "

I'm beginning to see that too

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Im sorry i can see where iconic is going with her post as well!

"

Please don't apologise, after this thread if nothing else it has taught me to not seek advice from anyone other than those aware of the situation and to remember never to say thank you - never realised being polite could land me in so much trouble lol.

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By *rumalexMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

just been reading this topic, i dont know about the situation with your manager, but one question that comes to mind if the OP is no nervous and suffers from anxiety, how does she cope with meeting up with total strangers for sex or even for a social meet up?

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside


" "talking to a brick wall has been more entertaining than trying to get through to a prat like you."

I take it social anxiety doesn't have any detrimental effect to your posting on forums.

Good grief. I first read this and was on the side of the OP, thinking she had a fair case. But reading her comments I think her manager perhaps understands her only too well.

And the reply that Iconic posted, that the OP called her a prat for.... I thought iconic's post was very good, very fair and a lot of good points. OP- chill out!

You must have been promised a shag by Iconic is all I can say lol "

WoW - I take back all the advice I gave to the OP in this thread and pass it on to her Manager!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"OP you will be well up for meeting with your line manager after this forum thread, I see just answering all posters on here as helping reduce your "communication apprehension" "

Thank you for your "advice", enjoy the sunshine I know I will.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"just been reading this topic, i dont know about the situation with your manager, but one question that comes to mind if the OP is no nervous and suffers from anxiety, how does she cope with meeting up with total strangers for sex or even for a social meet up?"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


" "talking to a brick wall has been more entertaining than trying to get through to a prat like you."

I take it social anxiety doesn't have any detrimental effect to your posting on forums.

Good grief. I first read this and was on the side of the OP, thinking she had a fair case. But reading her comments I think her manager perhaps understands her only too well.

And the reply that Iconic posted, that the OP called her a prat for.... I thought iconic's post was very good, very fair and a lot of good points. OP- chill out!

You must have been promised a shag by Iconic is all I can say lol

WoW - I take back all the advice I gave to the OP in this thread and pass it on to her Manager! "

Thank you for all your comments, much appreciated. Enjoy the sunshine x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the thing is your manager is still a person, maybe she doesn't know what she is doing and a chat could clear the air.

trust me im a manager for quite a few and i get it wrong occasionally yet i am approachable

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I started reading this yesterday and have just caught up...

As has been said before there are two sides to every story. There are bad manager and there are employees that know how to wind up insecure managers.

I have run training courses where participants have anxiety and other mental health issues. All good training will involve a series of styles to enable full participation at some point and ice breakers can be adapted to meet needs if these are known about.

If this manager is displaying 'bullying' behaviour by shutting the windows etc. have you thought that she may be fully aware of the accusations made against her and is actually acting out because she feels intimidated by the team dynamics? Her line manager may be aware of this and therefore supporting her in her actions and also taking other action to get the team to be more of a team, perhaps through team training sessions?

I have managed similar situations and there is never just one person pressing the buttons - it takes both parties to ensure it fails to work. Communication is much more than the words said.

Your workplace seems ripe for some conflict resolution work - thanks for suggesting a potential client for me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"just been reading this topic, i dont know about the situation with your manager, but one question that comes to mind if the OP is no nervous and suffers from anxiety, how does she cope with meeting up with total strangers for sex or even for a social meet up?

"

Thank you for your comments, much appreciated. Enjoy the sunshine while it lasts x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You have no idea what social anxiety or even anxiety can do!

Imagine trying to speak to a few people, and all you feel is a burning sensation running up your chest, neck and to your face (no one else can see you burning up btw) you try to speak but nothing but a squeak or strange voice appears. Imagine you're a 16 yr old boy and your voice has broke but has a squeak now n again. Imagine you are in a room of 100's and think they are all looking at YOU.

I'm not been argumentative here, but why is that being labelled as "social anxiety" - why is it not just anxiety or a panic attack?

I have a fairly good knowledge of mental illness both from personal experience and on a professional level. On a daily basis I read GP reports and quite often CMHT ones - I genuinely don't think I've ever seen the term.

Easier to google it than to explain here. But surprised that you haven't heard of it. Sounds like a few people though so you're not alone."

I did google it. And as ever google predicts what I'm looking for. Tellingly it suggests forum before symptoms...

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You have no idea what social anxiety or even anxiety can do!

Imagine trying to speak to a few people, and all you feel is a burning sensation running up your chest, neck and to your face (no one else can see you burning up btw) you try to speak but nothing but a squeak or strange voice appears. Imagine you're a 16 yr old boy and your voice has broke but has a squeak now n again. Imagine you are in a room of 100's and think they are all looking at YOU.

I'm not been argumentative here, but why is that being labelled as "social anxiety" - why is it not just anxiety or a panic attack?

I have a fairly good knowledge of mental illness both from personal experience and on a professional level. On a daily basis I read GP reports and quite often CMHT ones - I genuinely don't think I've ever seen the term.

Easier to google it than to explain here. But surprised that you haven't heard of it. Sounds like a few people though so you're not alone.

I did google it. And as ever google predicts what I'm looking for. Tellingly it suggests forum before symptoms...

"

It is real, believe me. Anyway thank you for all your comments, much appreciated. Enjoy the sunshine while it lasts x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

exit stage left ...................

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside


"exit stage left ..................."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"OP firstly - do not patronise me (something you accuse your line manager of doing).

I will not read back or google or incidentally care what you are going to do on Monday and how many times you've thanked people. I'm not being nasty but your choice on what to do is up to you, you don't need to clarify it to the forum.

It does not matter how many other people have made comments about this woman, do not concern yourselves with others, it is you that counts and you who will stand alone to take this grievance up. If you have a strong enough case things will change in the workplace.

You cannot dictate what happens in a training course just because you don't like it. Have a word with the trainer to say you feel anxious when speaking in a group. Otherwise prove you have anxiety attacks to your employer, show them your prescription for the tablets etc. Proof not word of mouth. If you can't do that, just go on the course, it won't kill you.

You are not so anxious that you can't walk out of meetings, use the technique you apply to get the strength to do that, to get through the course.

The only way to make changes is to voice your unhappiness and have it put in writing.

Higher management must feel she is doing her job efficiently, she would also be supervised and have appraisals. If she's still in post, she's working to their satisfaction.

Just be mindful and be professional and decide what's right for you "

Always makes me smile and sympathise when people assume they know the full symptoms of some medical conditions. I refuse to even comment on any of this except to say thank you for your comments, much appreciated. Enjoy the sunshine while it lasts x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you are unhappy in your present job and unable to change it maybe it's time to start applying for a new job!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"If you are unhappy in your present job and unable to change it maybe it's time to start applying for a new job!!"
I

Thank you, but I love my job and get a lot of job satisfaction. I get along with all of my work colleagues, but like others have issue with the manager.

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By *am sampsonMan
over a year ago

cwmbran


"You have no idea what social anxiety or even anxiety can do!

Imagine trying to speak to a few people, and all you feel is a burning sensation running up your chest, neck and to your face (no one else can see you burning up btw) you try to speak but nothing but a squeak or strange voice appears. Imagine you're a 16 yr old boy and your voice has broke but has a squeak now n again. Imagine you are in a room of 100's and think they are all looking at YOU.

I'm not been argumentative here, but why is that being labelled as "social anxiety" - why is it not just anxiety or a panic attack?

I have a fairly good knowledge of mental illness both from personal experience and on a professional level. On a daily basis I read GP reports and quite often CMHT ones - I genuinely don't think I've ever seen the term.

"

Plenty in the internet about it including links from the NHS - also know as generalised anxiety disorder or social phobia

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By *b430Man
over a year ago

Tayside

Are we there yet?

I want to get out and enjoy the sunshine, while it lasts!

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