FabSwingers.com forum: Feeling special

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You're gonna have to forgive me a little coz I'm not entirely sure I'll be able to word it right to get my question across but I'll give it a go!

Do you think it's a dangerous game to play in making fab meets feel special?

My thoughts are this, there's nothing wrong with making someone feel special providing they ARE special to you.

Anything else I feel is potentially setting people up for disappointment and over reliance on the source of the special feeling giver, I also think it can actually do more harm than good if the person then moves on to the next "special" person making you feel like you weren't that special/different after all.

Yes it can boost confidence but only temporarily and it can also strip it right back again.

Over to you folks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s a tricky one. I’ve never really thought of it like that.

If you’re clear and can communicate the level of relationship you have, then it’s no problem in making someone feel special. There’s complete transparency.

If you’re giving lip service like ‘i wanna be with you exclusively blah blah blah’ and it’s not true, then it’s a dick move and no you shouldn’t make someone feel special. Because you shouldn’t ever lie for your own gain, it’s all lies that can cause someone some harm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I understand what you mean.

It’s one of the reasons I won’t ever meet anyone on here again.

I don’t trust a single person on here.

Everything is done for a reason and that reason is sex.

They don’t actually give a shit about you in reality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you can make somebody feel special then where’s the harm in that ? Personally I like to make women feel special and prefer meets to be like dates (hotel, drinks, meal) rather than turn up fuck and leave. But everyone’s different I guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Special in what way though? x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh the dangerous game of managing expectations.. the balance between feeling special and realising it has an end date which makes it less special perhaps? Or on the other hand focusing on the fact that each moment is special and there isnt necessary the next one but that is what makes it special? Being there and now.. with no promise.

.. I have no idea. But here to happily read people who can find some constructive thoughts in this heat.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"That’s a tricky one. I’ve never really thought of it like that.

If you’re clear and can communicate the level of relationship you have, then it’s no problem in making someone feel special. There’s complete transparency.

Pretty much. Communicate, communicate, communicate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I understand what you mean.

It’s one of the reasons I won’t ever meet anyone on here again.

I don’t trust a single person on here.

Everything is done for a reason and that reason is sex.

They don’t actually give a shit about you in reality."

To be fair some do. I admit I’ve only met 3 (for more than social) and they weren’t like that at all. And I’m still friendly with them too x

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

Its tricky

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I understand what you mean.

It’s one of the reasons I won’t ever meet anyone on here again.

I don’t trust a single person on here.

Everything is done for a reason and that reason is sex.

They don’t actually give a shit about you in reality.

To be fair some do. I admit I’ve only met 3 (for more than social) and they weren’t like that at all. And I’m still friendly with them too x"

That’s because they want more sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I understand what you mean.

It’s one of the reasons I won’t ever meet anyone on here again.

I don’t trust a single person on here.

Everything is done for a reason and that reason is sex.

They don’t actually give a shit about you in reality.

To be fair some do. I admit I’ve only met 3 (for more than social) and they weren’t like that at all. And I’m still friendly with them too x

That’s because they want more sex

Maybe but so did I and they were all pretty long term so it worked for me

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By *olarbear73Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

Each are special in their own way Peach. I mean as long as you are both on the same page with what the expectation is then for me that makes each one special. That’s what “special” means for me, not so much going over and above to make someone else feel special but making an effort to ensure each people have a really great meet, I have many great memories from lots of special meets.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I think if it's a mutual "specialness" that goes both ways and there are clear boundaries around it there's nothing wrong with it at all - in fact it's what I hope for with anyone I meet.

I think the danger lies where expectations are falsely built up on one side, or one side reads more into it than is actually there - however is that the fault of the "special giver" or the recipient reading more into things than are actually there?

Tough one, and I think the answer may lie somewhere in the middle - if someone has deliberately set out to make someone feel special but not been clear that there is no meaning to it beyond that then they are obviously partly to blame - but on the other hand if someone has read more into things despite clear boundaries then you can hardly blame the "special giver".

We've all been there though where we let thoughts carry themselves away and maybe hope for more than is actually being offered - the key is being able to recognise that and keep it in check.

Not sure if I've answered or just waffled but it's kind of my perspective

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Special in what way though? x "

That's the problem isn't it, there are so many ways you can make someone feel special.

Mostly about the "who" they are I suppose, qualities they have.

When you're made to feel like you're the only person in the world, that nobody else compares to you .....

They're the only person that makes you feel that way, and without them you kinda feel flat and deflated.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's about both sides accepting that the feelings can only be exercised on the meet. Yes it's nice to think they think of you between meets, but if you are expecting more emotional commitment each time, you are heading for trouble.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the problem lies in the fact that you have men that treat you like a peace of meat or men that treat you really “special” there seems to be no in between.

Women in general struggle to separate love and sex. Meaning that any attention a man might show that is deemed as “special” then becomes an infatuation for women.

Personally I concentrate on the now and live in that moment, I’m after great conversation, lots of laughter and amazing sex. So to feel special in that moment or in that conversation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/05/20 16:35:51]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Special in what way though? x

That's the problem isn't it, there are so many ways you can make someone feel special.

Mostly about the "who" they are I suppose, qualities they have.

When you're made to feel like you're the only person in the world, that nobody else compares to you .....

They're the only person that makes you feel that way, and without them you kinda feel flat and deflated.

I think if someone said all that I’d take it with a very large pinch of salt. I’d rather not hear it than know it’s all bollocks. Different if you’ve been seeing each other regularly and exclusively which is the only way I’ve ever done things here anyway. As for one offs or even two offs then no I wouldn’t want to hear it x

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

There should be a level of expectation most probably that should come down to the conversation and interaction you had previously in getting to know the person.

But all parties should understand and have a good time in the process. in that way everyone is happy and everybody has a good time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's about both sides accepting that the feelings can only be exercised on the meet. Yes it's nice to think they think of you between meets, but if you are expecting more emotional commitment each time, you are heading for trouble. "

The bubble analogy. That pretty much sums it all up for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Swinging scene in making someone feel special ,is dangerous game too play as you could end up with a stalker if you dont mean what your doing .That's my opinion as why make someone feel special if you dont have feelings for them.

I'd make my boyfriend feel special but I wouldn't with a swinger ,that's if I did meet anyone.Which I have no interest in doing so .

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand

hmmm honestly I try not to allow people to make me feel special or do things that makes them feel special , at least not more than it’s necessary for meet&play.

There is a very fine line with some people. Feelings and lust may get out of the hand if you are not careful , swinging may turn to polyamory which I’m not interested in x

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

Anyone from fab who attempts to make me feel like I'm the only person in the world makes me instantly want to back away.

So I suppose it depends, I don't want to be anybodies special one, if somebody does want that then I guess they're possibly going to get hurt trying to find it on here.

People do need to be careful with the feelings of others, but if you meet someone on fab your first instinct should be that you're not the only focus of their attention

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Swinging scene in making someone feel special ,is dangerous game too play as you could end up with a stalker if you dont mean what your doing .That's my opinion as why make someone feel special if you dont have feelings for them.

I'd make my boyfriend feel special but I wouldn't with a swinger ,that's if I did meet anyone.Which I have no interest in doing so ."

Half the people on here aren’t swingers though to be fair.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

The bubble analogy. That pretty much sums it all up for me. "

Yep the bubble analogy works perfectly - Chillout summed it up perfectly a while ago, when he said you feel an "affection" for those you meet.

Those that become truly "special" you care about how they are doing between the times you see them, but it's all encapsulated in that bubble and kept in check when you're not in it, even though you may speak to them regularly and maintain the bubble from the outside until the next time you step into it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The bubble analogy. That pretty much sums it all up for me.

Yep the bubble analogy works perfectly - Chillout summed it up perfectly a while ago, when he said you feel an "affection" for those you meet.

Yes. Exactly that. For me anyway x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think if it's a mutual "specialness" that goes both ways and there are clear boundaries around it there's nothing wrong with it at all - in fact it's what I hope for with anyone I meet.

We've all been there though where we let thoughts carry themselves away and maybe hope for more than is actually being offered - the key is being able to recognise that and keep it in check.

Not sure if I've answered or just waffled but it's kind of my perspective "

Yeah you've hit it as per.

Expectation is a huge one, but I do suppose in some cases it's almost like "ok, I've heard the words but the words don't match what the feelings feel" fuck knows if that makes sense

I do believe a lot can be taken from amount of messaging beforehand too, and amount of time invested there. It can almost lead into a false sense of not security, but something else. Like, if someone has invested huge amounts of time and thought it kinda looks like there's more there

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"There should be a level of expectation most probably that should come down to the conversation and interaction you had previously in getting to know the person.

But all parties should understand and have a good time in the process. in that way everyone is happy and everybody has a good time"

I'd agree with this. I don't see anything wrong with someone wanting to make another person feel special, it's nice to feel wanted and desired. I do also think that you need emotional maturity and open communication with another. I'm not going to lay blame on one gender for being the sort to become infatuated after one meet or the sort to lie about their intentions - I know men and women who would fall into that camp. It's a tricky one to navigate. I know that the bubble analogy is oft used in this sort of thread but it's a bit... meh? I'm not sure. It's not an approach that works for me but I'm sure it can and does for others.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

I like my meets to feel special. For me they are an occasion and I want the best out of them.

But, I take it for what it is, which is 2 people coming together for a great time..sex.

It gets tricky if you continue to meet a person and boundaries aren't clear. Then it could be misinterpreted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I understand what you mean.

It’s one of the reasons I won’t ever meet anyone on here again.

I don’t trust a single person on here.

Everything is done for a reason and that reason is sex.

They don’t actually give a shit about you in reality."

I've not found that to be true, the opposite in fact !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can meet and have whatever type of relationship you want so long as both understand what that is. I knew a girl who flipped between no emotions to love of my life to fuck buddies etc and it's just not fair. Be clear and be kind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You can meet and have whatever type of relationship you want so long as both understand what that is. I knew a girl who flipped between no emotions to love of my life to fuck buddies etc and it's just not fair. Be clear and be kind."

Exactly this. Just don’t bullshit people! I’m very clear from the start. I may have feelings for you but I ain’t NEVER gonna be living with you or have you round for tea at my mums!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly this. Just don’t bullshit people! I’m very clear from the start. I may have feelings for you but I ain’t NEVER gonna be living with you or have you round for tea at my mums! "

Not you personally btw

. I don’t know you from Adam!

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Expectation is a huge one, but I do suppose in some cases it's almost like "ok, I've heard the words but the words don't match what the feelings feel" fuck knows if that makes sense

Which is where communication and clear boundaries come into it - and more importantly acceptance of those boundaries on *both* sides - when they're not clear is when misunderstanding and pain can creep in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I understand what you mean.

It’s one of the reasons I won’t ever meet anyone on here again.

I don’t trust a single person on here.

Everything is done for a reason and that reason is sex.

They don’t actually give a shit about you in reality."

I would disagree with this, I've met some truly wonderful people on here, some for sex, some not, but I've made friends for life.

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By *ecretlivesCouple
over a year ago

FABWatch HQ

The question of how far is too far takes up a chunk of our discussion time. Distinguishing New relationship buzz from more etc

As a couple it is a risk, and as said elsewhere, moves into polyamory. The more you care the more you can hurt but (potentially) the more you can get out of it. Not something (or a complication) we were looking for so in the interests of self-preservation we try to be clear - sexy fun and compassion with enough distance. Roles on all parts make it clearer.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"There should be a level of expectation most probably that should come down to the conversation and interaction you had previously in getting to know the person.

But all parties should understand and have a good time in the process. in that way everyone is happy and everybody has a good time

I agree.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

We don't go out of our way to make fab meets feel special and wouldn't expect them to make us feel special. I think for us anyway, the only way we want to meet is on equal and respectful terms. I don't want flowers or chocolates or excessive compliments from a casual partner and Mr N doesn't want whatever the male equivalent of that is. We just want great, erotic adventures with people who understand that if we've agreed to meet them we like them and who return the compliment.

Making someone feel special to you in the moment is a different thing of course and we all want to feel that surely. Going out of your way to make someone you can't offer more than a casual acquaintanceship to feel special is dangerous and possibly hurtful.

I see a lot of that going on.

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By *essie.Woman
over a year ago

Serendipity

I think it might depend on different variables. I have some good friends with whom I am sexual. One person (not from Fab) always cooks for me, makes sure he has supplies of the coffee I like. Gets me Christmas and birthday presents. We both know though it’s just a friendship , nothing romantic, it’s like a bubble when we are together, then months might go by before we get time to see each other.

If you both have equal expectations it works. It when another person over promises and under delivers it goes wrong.

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
over a year ago

kent

Ailsa and I have slightly different opinions on this one, so I’ll answer for myself (this is George). I only meet people who are already special to me. I enjoy making friends and value those friendships very highly. If I’ve gotten to know someone well enough to meet and play with them, then I consider them a real friend, and value them as such. This site and the friends I’ve made transcend sex.

I have also been on the receiving end of this when it goes wrong. I thought I was special to someone and it turns out I wasn’t. It hurts. So for me it’s about honestly valuing the people who become close. Clear communication is part of that. Boundaries are part of that. When everyone is on the same page then the friendships are just wonderful.

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

"There should be a level of expectation most probably that should come down to the conversation and interaction you had previously in getting to know the person.

But all parties should understand and have a good time in the process. in that way everyone is happy and everybody has a good time

Also ultimately I think you should just try to enjoy the time that you have together and maybe you get a few more good times out of it if you’re lucky

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

See, in some cases it's about others wanting people to believe in themselves more. Pointing out their good qualities etc

Thing is, with most things you need to find this lot out for yourself. People can tell you til they're blue in the face and you won't necessarily believe it. You'll believe THEY think you are these things, not that you actually are.... you just are to them.

I think this is where people can become dependent to a degree on that person, or feel as though they've lost a bit of worth when that person moves on, coz now there's nobody giving them that boost, telling them they're the kindest person they ever met, telling them they've never been more compatible with another person. Now they're just back to being the person they see in the mirror with a ton of flaws

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"See, in some cases it's about others wanting people to believe in themselves more. Pointing out their good qualities etc

You are right. Part of establishing self esteem is being esteemed by others for things that matter to you, that you value. However if we become dependent on another, continually looking outside of ourselves for our esteem, that is when it becomes an issue. Learning to love ourselves in a radical self acceptance way is one of the most important challenges of growing up, especially when we have experiences in life that damage our self esteem. Mutuality in relationships is the basis for a healthy interdependence but the communication needed to get there is considerable and not easy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I understand what you mean.

It’s one of the reasons I won’t ever meet anyone on here again.

I don’t trust a single person on here.

Everything is done for a reason and that reason is sex.

They don’t actually give a shit about you in reality.

I would disagree with this, I've met some truly wonderful people on here, some for sex, some not, but I've made friends for life.

I have too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Damn. I just found out I never grew up..

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"See, in some cases it's about others wanting people to believe in themselves more. Pointing out their good qualities etc

This is wise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m just bitter about certain people, said one thing, did another.

Funnily, they’ve both tried to worm their way back into my good books but it’s too late for that.

I know there are lots of decent people on here, men and women.

I just needed to let off steam earlier

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

"I think I understand what you mean.

It’s one of the reasons I won’t ever meet anyone on here again.

I don’t trust a single person on here.

Everything is done for a reason and that reason is sex.

They don’t actually give a shit about you in reality."

I disagree with you completely. I’ve met people on here where the prospect of sex is not on the agenda.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

"If you can make somebody feel special then where’s the harm in that ? Personally I like to make women feel special and prefer meets to be like dates (hotel, drinks, meal) rather than turn up fuck and leave. But everyone’s different I guess."

Exactly my sentiment. Just because you go out for the day with someone doesn’t mean you want to marry them but because you enjoy their company in and out of the bedroom.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"See, in some cases it's about others wanting people to believe in themselves more. Pointing out their good qualities etc

100%

I can just see how damaging it can be to people to be told they're sooooo wonderful bla bla bla, they're all this and all that with a cherry on top. To feel what they believe to be a real connection with someone else and then to be discarded.

Depending how your brain is wired you can either take loads from it in an "yeah I'm fucking awesome" way or have it cause havoc in an "well they think I'm awesome, but even in my state of heightened awesomeness I'm STILL not enough, I really must be destined for a life alone"

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

"That’s a tricky one. I’ve never really thought of it like that.

If you’re clear and can communicate the level of relationship you have, then it’s no problem in making someone feel special. There’s complete transparency.

Pretty much. Communicate, communicate, communicate."

It’s all about talking.

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

Males and females tend to work differently. Men are more likely to say anything to get a female’s knickers to drop off. Women are more likely to be sparing with the truth when it comes to what they’re looking for. When you get that combination meeting that’s where the problems start. One has charmed the knickers off the female, the other thinks this is a blossoming relationship. For the charmer mission accomplished, the female is thinking wedding bells. I’m exaggerating ever so slightly but it does happen. I also know it happens the other way round. Nor is this how everyone operates but there is a percentage

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there is a thin line between being used as a sexual commodity and feeling special. And I truly believe that most ppl want to feel special and wanted yet it can lead to what you described as being dangerous.

I guess as long as everyone is honest about what one wants, making someone feel special for the night may be okay. Given that special isn't given to anyone and everyone because it may make the person feel worst than she/he was before having that special' moment.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

The bubble analogy. That pretty much sums it all up for me.

Yep the bubble analogy works perfectly - Chillout summed it up perfectly a while ago, when he said you feel an "affection" for those you meet.

We are on the same wavelength. I’ve done it over a prolonged period. Built on respect and enjoying someone’s company. Giving them space and talking a lot.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think there is a thin line between being used as a sexual commodity and feeling special. And I truly believe that most ppl want to feel special and wanted yet it can lead to what you described as being dangerous.

Agree

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I’m just bitter about certain people, said one thing, did another.

Funnily, they’ve both tried to worm their way back into my good books but it’s too late for that.

I know there are lots of decent people on here, men and women.

I just needed to let off steam earlier

We all need to let off steam sometimes and when someone fucks you over it's hard to not be bitter. People can be twats and I'm sorry you experienced that, it's not pleasant. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I understand what you mean.

It’s one of the reasons I won’t ever meet anyone on here again.

I don’t trust a single person on here.

Everything is done for a reason and that reason is sex.

They don’t actually give a shit about you in reality."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m just bitter about certain people, said one thing, did another.

Funnily, they’ve both tried to worm their way back into my good books but it’s too late for that.

I know there are lots of decent people on here, men and women.

I just needed to let off steam earlier

We all need to let off steam sometimes and when someone fucks you over it's hard to not be bitter. People can be twats and I'm sorry you experienced that, it's not pleasant. x"

Always assessing the discrepancies between words and actions of anyone. Especially on fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like the new you. I like your posts.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

It’s very simple for me... you talk to people to build up that connection with each other; when you are together in person they are special at that moment and you give them 100% of your time and energy; you then both walk away and get on with your lives whilst still remaining in contact if that’s what you both want

It’s all about being clear what you want / don’t want from the beginning, if either of you start to feel anything different you talk it through.

It’s a friendship, a companion at times, friends can be special to each other without the added relationship tanglements and drama.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like the new you. I like your posts."

I have always been the same

only post one or two serious comments a week

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

"I’m just bitter about certain people, said one thing, did another.

Funnily, they’ve both tried to worm their way back into my good books but it’s too late for that.

I know there are lots of decent people on here, men and women.

I just needed to let off steam earlier

We all need to let off steam sometimes and when someone fucks you over it's hard to not be bitter. People can be twats and I'm sorry you experienced that, it's not pleasant. x

Always assessing the discrepancies between words and actions of anyone. Especially on fab."

Definitely.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

Personally, I feel that it's down to everyone to manage their own emotions and expectations, and that unless something is specifically discussed and agreed upon by both/all parties involved then it's purely NSA - this is a swingers site after all, and the assumption should be that people are on here to have multiple sexual partners. I'm not by any means saying that it's wrong to have more than NSA, just don't assume it is without that discussion and agreement, no matter how "special" someone makes you feel. Just my thoughts on it

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

Don’t we all like to feel special? I do, but only genuinely so. Men and women think differently so it’s best to be clear about what the plan is. A lack of clarity seems to cause on right old mess at times.

If someone wants to make you feel special with the best of intentions and it’s reciprocated then I don’t see a problem.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My thoughts. Fab has developed into so much more than just a ‘Swingers’ site and is being used to fulfil a diverse range of needs and wants. As long as the individuals involved communicate their personal goals and understand each others, then anything goes.

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
over a year ago

kent

"My thoughts. Fab has developed into so much more than just a ‘Swingers’ site and is being used to fulfil a diverse range of needs and wants. As long as the individuals involved communicate their personal goals and understand each others, then anything goes."

This.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

All well and good and I do agree, however personal goals and needs/wants can change. I think sometimes people can be selfish and if one party expresses a change in feelings, instead of cutting things off even though they don't feel the same way, they keep things going coz they enjoy that person and time spent with them which can give the other false hope. Instead of parting company and cherishing the times they did have, they can keep them dangling by I dunno, saying something like we don't know what the future holds or never say never.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Call on Line 1..

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I like to compartmentalise. Don’t murmur sweet nothings at me unless you intend on holding my hair back when i’m ill and mopping my brow.

When it comes to feelings and emotions i’m an all or nothing kind of gal if there are not clear mutually agreed boundaries. I therefore prefer my casual sex to be friendly but casually aloof.

If that makes sense?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

With me it’s more me making the guy feel special than the other way round and guys tend to be in more control of their emotions than us so they just enjoy the fuss for what it is and then move on.

If a guy did for me what I do for guys on my meets I’d be hooked!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I like to compartmentalise. Don’t murmur sweet nothings at me unless you intend on holding my hair back when i’m ill and mopping my brow.

When it comes to feelings and emotions i’m an all or nothing kind of gal if there are not clear mutually agreed boundaries. I therefore prefer my casual sex to be friendly but casually aloof.

If that makes sense?

Makes perfect sense.

Some people can compartmentalise much more easily than others. Dunno if it's practice or the way people are wired.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"With me it’s more me making the guy feel special than the other way round and guys tend to be in more control of their emotions than us so they just enjoy the fuss for what it is and then move on.

If a guy did for me what I do for guys on my meets I’d be hooked! "

I'm hearing ya loud n clear. I think that does happen though, people can get hooked very easily. Brains and emotions are funny old things ain't they

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I completely agree with you Princess.

I have made my last two meets feel special and thrown time and attention at them.

The consequences have been rather painful for all involved and it’s really made we want to reconsider the way I do things.

Trouble is that I just can’t fuck for fucks sake.

I have to have the connection to fancy someone enough to get physical which only comes from building a relationship.

Lately I seriously question whether I actually want to continue in the lifestyle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I believe that when you love yourself truly and have very high self worth your tolerance for bull shit is very low.

My friend was recently dating a guy, loaded he was and good looking, he left her message on read for a day before messaging her back and she deleted his number and blocked him! She said nobody leaves me on read he can fuck off. I was like wow I wish I could be more like that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"With me it’s more me making the guy feel special than the other way round and guys tend to be in more control of their emotions than us so they just enjoy the fuss for what it is and then move on.

If a guy did for me what I do for guys on my meets I’d be hooked! "

I don’t agree with that.

Different people are more in control of their emotions.

Guys, gals, whatever, everyone is capable of catching the feelings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I believe that when you love yourself truly and have very high self worth your tolerance for bull shit is very low.

I had a lady block me like that, definitely not your friend, and I thought wtf?

I had dived in early am, read the message, dashed to work, went back on later after work and I'm blocked. Yes I could have left a quick 'speak later', but high strung or what? Lucky escape I say.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I believe that when you love yourself truly and have very high self worth your tolerance for bull shit is very low.

I had a lady block me like that, definitely not your friend, and I thought wtf?

This was on WhatsApp and was a case of message being read in the afternoon, no reply. Her looking throughout the evening and night and seeing him online multiple times. She said she won’t put up with that so blocked him.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"I like to compartmentalise. Don’t murmur sweet nothings at me unless you intend on holding my hair back when i’m ill and mopping my brow.

When it comes to feelings and emotions i’m an all or nothing kind of gal if there are not clear mutually agreed boundaries. I therefore prefer my casual sex to be friendly but casually aloof.

If that makes sense?

Same here. Much prefer a FB on a site like this.

I like things clearcut. Too much room for confusion and mismatched expectations if you go down the FWB path and you're not on the same page, from my experience.

So yeah make me feel special within that fuck bubble but that isn't real life for me.

Maybe I'm just old and cynical

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I completely agree with you Princess.

I have made my last two meets feel special and thrown time and attention at them.

The consequences have been rather painful for all involved and it’s really made we want to reconsider the way I do things.

Trouble is that I just can’t fuck for fucks sake.

I have to have the connection to fancy someone enough to get physical which only comes from building a relationship.

Lately I seriously question whether I actually want to continue in the lifestyle."

Thank you Sam, I appreciate your honesty. For something that *should* be simple it can be a minefield. Not only do we need to consider ourselves and our own feelings, it's taking the other person and any vulnerability they may have into consideration too. I'm not saying you or them were vulnerable, it just kinda led on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I believe that when you love yourself truly and have very high self worth your tolerance for bull shit is very low.

I had a lady block me like that, definitely not your friend, and I thought wtf?

Well if he had clearly been on and ignored I can understand it more, but frankly, welcome to a man's life on fab...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends on how special and in which way.

For example, the only person I've met in two years. Last year he bought me a gorgeous set of pencils for my birthday, a fancy Parker pen for Christmas and a lingerie set before we had our last meet in December. I didn't expect any of those things (the pen was a complete surprise!) but yes, they made me feel special and he's not the type to do something like that to take advantage. He makes me feel special in the way that my sexual self esteem has grown more. But do either of us have expectations, false or otherwise? No.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really interesting reading thankyou. Have so many points I wanted to address but would be here all night! I've deleted a million responses already

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do have a friend here who comes and goes though and he has the ability to make you feel the most special person in the world. The realisation that he can also and does do the same to others came as a massive wrench (the first time he said) as obviously we were supposed to be special. Hasten to add I can meet people that just is a sex meet, that is special for that night but no expectations to more,so Im not a total lost cause.

But that extra attention makes things more than what it should be, but like you say you like to think you are that person they say you are. I think once the expectation of sex goes from the friendship which I think it has with him, I can feel more inclined to believe the nice things he may say on his return, but dont want to fall into the being reliant on others opinions for my own self worth. Im not sure I could ever get over 'special stuff' we did being done with others unless you just accept thats the things they enjoy doing.

Ramble ramble, told you I didnt have a point to make really other than I think proper swinging with someone you really cared about can be really problematic for some, I think it would for me, I will always be insecure enough despite any reassurance to the contrary.

Hope you are ok xx

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Having mused on this some more I think the summary is that communication is key - being able to be open and honest with each other about feelings and what you want is important - keep those things hidden and you're leaving yourself wide open to a lot of pain.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having mused on this some more I think the summary is that communication is key - being able to be open and honest with each other about feelings and what you want is important - keep those things hidden and you're leaving yourself wide open to a lot of pain.

It absolutely is and communicationg things doesnt always lead to a bad outcome either and can bring you closer.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

It absolutely is and communicationg things doesnt always lead to a bad outcome either and can bring you closer. "

It can do yes - I think so much is made on here of "it's NSA we're not supposed to talk about emotions, let alone have them" that it's easy to keep them hidden for fear of what might come of doing so - but it's surprising how verbalising them can have an unexpected outcome not necessarily in a lovey dovey way but a greater clarity of understanding

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

"It’s very simple for me... you talk to people to build up that connection with each other; when you are together in person they are special at that moment and you give them 100% of your time and energy; you then both walk away and get on with your lives whilst still remaining in contact if that’s what you both want

It’s all about being clear what you want / don’t want from the beginning, if either of you start to feel anything different you talk it through.

It’s a friendship, a companion at times, friends can be special to each other without the added relationship tanglements and drama.

Bingo. I like it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agreed Bro.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It absolutely is and communicationg things doesnt always lead to a bad outcome either and can bring you closer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is exactly right. I’ve always been honest , sometimes maybe a bit too honest but I’ve never had any problems really (apart from ones caused by third parties!) it really is the only way. I’m crap at pretending anyway. And again, to be brutally honest I’m here for what I want, not to be what other people want and if I find someone looking for the same thing and we’re compatible etc then it’s great x

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By *isces WomanWoman
over a year ago

West London

I fell in love with my married FB from here because he was telling me he loved me. No promises from him but why all the love shit which resulted in me opening my heart to him. I ended it due to us going nowhere. And I ended up the dogs hit sandwich.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never use the 'l' word on here, never ever...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Never use the 'l' word on here, never ever..."

Meh. I love everyone me

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Never use the 'l' word on here, never ever..."

What’s wrong with like, lick, lust, lube

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Never use the 'l' word on here, never ever...

What’s wrong with like, lick, lust, lube

And lesbian lovin

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Never use the 'l' word on here, never ever...

What’s wrong with like, lick, lust, lube

And lesbian lovin

Nothing wrong at all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Never use the 'l' word on here, never ever...

What’s wrong with like, lick, lust, lube

There's is nothing wrong with them actually they are my best friend

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

No one likes a conveyor belt .. can spot it a mile off. No expectations until you meet really.

Although.. It depends. I have found someone here I think actually is special! We haven't met yet so we don't really know how the 'special' will manifest until we actually meet. It's how you approach that bit that matters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No one likes a conveyor belt .. can spot it a mile off. No expectations until you meet really.

I totally agree with this.

I think its Healthy to have a dollop of scepticism on here, also it's important to be open to something extraordinary happening if that makes sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No one likes a conveyor belt .. can spot it a mile off. No expectations until you meet really.

Well the most important is that you two click only by chatting with each other which usually is quite hard so yeah good luck

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

Also, I'm poly. So I know that special can be applied to more than one person with sincerity. But that's a whole different mind set to special and exclusive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also, I'm poly. So I know that special can be applied to more than one person with sincerity. But that's a whole different mind set to special and exclusive. "

I think that is why I find it easier too. I have lots of love to give but it’s not exclusive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Never use the 'l' word on here, never ever...

What’s wrong with like, lick, lust, lube

Okay, okay. You know what I mean. Why is everyone so literal around here.......Oh dammit!....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also, I'm poly. So I know that special can be applied to more than one person with sincerity. But that's a whole different mind set to special and exclusive. "

Do you want a cracker?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also, I'm poly. So I know that special can be applied to more than one person with sincerity. But that's a whole different mind set to special and exclusive.

I think that is why I find it easier too. I have lots of love to give but it’s not exclusive

"
I'm not a jealous person at all as that wouldn't work in the swinging world but Polly is something I just don't get if I'm honest.I Understand it works for many but I just can't get my head round the being in a relationship with more than one person thing.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

"Never use the 'l' word on here, never ever...

What’s wrong with like, lick, lust, lube

Okay, okay. You know what I mean. Why is everyone so literal around here.......Oh dammit!....

Of course I did, Tis just a laugh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also, I'm poly. So I know that special can be applied to more than one person with sincerity. But that's a whole different mind set to special and exclusive.

I think that is why I find it easier too. I have lots of love to give but it’s not exclusive

I'm not a jealous person at all as that wouldn't work in the swinging world but Polly is something I just don't get if I'm honest.I Understand it works for many but I just can't get my head round the being in a relationship with more than one person thing."

It took far too long for me to realise that was actually underpinning belief set and the way I thought. My conditioning led me to believe otherwise. Unpicking that has been a lifetime’s work and I’m still not done

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rule no 1

Stop being a such a hardass.

Rule no 2

A life lived in fear is no life at all

Rule no 3

Take some risks

Rule no 4

If you can't bounce back your out of the game.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What if I have special needs?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Rule no 1

Stop being a such a hardass.

Rule no 2

A life lived in fear is no life at all

Rule no 3

Take some risks

Rule no 4

If you can't bounce back your out of the game."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Rule no 1

Stop being a such a hardass.

Rule no 2

A life lived in fear is no life at all

Rule no 3

Take some risks

Rule no 4

If you can't bounce back your out of the game."

Huey, if I was gay, you are my man!

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

"Also, I'm poly. So I know that special can be applied to more than one person with sincerity. But that's a whole different mind set to special and exclusive.

I think that is why I find it easier too. I have lots of love to give but it’s not exclusive

It's not for everyone.. we don't limit our love to one person in the family, or just one friend so why can't that apply to intimate relationships.... it's like that for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me personally Im a very open person and tbh am very careful who I spend time with whether sexually or otherwise..so if I do decide to spend time with person A they will get my undivided attention and interest etc the same as person B. For me to spend time with someone as friend or sexually there has to be a connection but my downside to this is Im erm..unique in my way of life..so I rarely meet people but when I do and if I choose to spend time then they get the same me as those others that choose to know me. Make sense? Its probably worded crap.

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

Think it’s important to make someone feel special for sharing themselves and their time with you.

When we share ourselves with a woman together it’s a very special experience for us, and part of that comes from ensuring as best we can she feels she is special to us for choosing us to share herself with...and that’s because during that experience she is.

Obviously there are other factors, but cherishing someone who has chosen to meet with you goes a long way to making the experience worthwhile for all.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"You're gonna have to forgive me a little coz I'm not entirely sure I'll be able to word it right to get my question across but I'll give it a go!

Do you think it's a dangerous game to play in making fab meets feel special?

My thoughts are this, there's nothing wrong with making someone feel special providing they ARE special to you.

Yes it can boost confidence but only temporarily and it can also strip it right back again.

Over to you folks

Morning P ....

I think it depends on several things:

• Why you are here and what you are looking for

•Your mind set regarding NSA

•Jealous tendencies don’t work here!

•Special.... I think few here find that there will always be those who play the ‘special’ game to pull favours of the sexual kind

•It’s not a dating site per se

That said.... I think ‘attention’ rather than ‘special’ .... we all crave a little attention and excitement

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

The bubble analogy. That pretty much sums it all up for me.

Yep the bubble analogy works perfectly - Chillout summed it up perfectly a while ago, when he said you feel an "affection" for those you meet.

You word things so well GM

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"That said.... I think ‘attention’ rather than ‘special’ .... we all crave a little attention and excitement

I like that DC - it's a good way of looking at it and slightly dilutes the connotations of 'special' but doesn't detract from it as such - that said in some cases there is room for both 'attention' and 'special'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also, I'm poly. So I know that special can be applied to more than one person with sincerity. But that's a whole different mind set to special and exclusive.

I think that is why I find it easier too. I have lots of love to give but it’s not exclusive

It's not for everyone.. we don't limit our love to one person in the family, or just one friend so why can't that apply to intimate relationships.... it's like that for me. "

Yeah I was thinking about that when I posted. Maybe it's because having more than one friend or loving more than 1 family member is seen as socially acceptable. I know lots of people that are in very successful poly relationships.

I think for me it just seems too much like hard.

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"That said.... I think ‘attention’ rather than ‘special’ .... we all crave a little attention and excitement

I agree, both together is quite rare though.

I think *ghost* is probably more prevalent

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"You're gonna have to forgive me a little coz I'm not entirely sure I'll be able to word it right to get my question across but I'll give it a go!

Do you think it's a dangerous game to play in making fab meets feel special?

My thoughts are this, there's nothing wrong with making someone feel special providing they ARE special to you.

Yes it can boost confidence but only temporarily and it can also strip it right back again.

Over to you folks

Ah P, it's a difficult question and I think the answer varies depending on the personalities involved. I would say everyone likes to feel valued by their friends, family, lovers. I don't think meeting someone via fab automatically means that there are no emotions involved, that you need to keep the shutters down and turn off the possibility of a deeper relationship emerging - if that's what everyone involved wants.

It all comes down to communication and being clear with each other. It's something I'm still working on! Unfortunately you will find some people who will tell you what you want to hear for their own sake - I can be a bit naive and trusting on that front. I think many of us have fallen for a line at some point.

Mrs TMN x

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I think *ghost* is probably more prevalent

Are you getting your potters wheel out again DC?

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

I think *ghost* is probably more prevalent

Are you getting your potters wheel out again DC?

Only if you’ll be my Patrick Swayze!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I understand what you mean.

It’s one of the reasons I won’t ever meet anyone on here again.

I don’t trust a single person on here.

Everything is done for a reason and that reason is sex.

They don’t actually give a shit about you in reality."

I think that’s just some people where ever you meet them to be honest!

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I think I understand what you mean.

It’s one of the reasons I won’t ever meet anyone on here again.

I don’t trust a single person on here.

Everything is done for a reason and that reason is sex.

They don’t actually give a shit about you in reality."

This is clearly the result of very unpleasant personal experiences. I'm sorry this has been the case, as not everyone here acts that way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I understand what you mean.

It’s one of the reasons I won’t ever meet anyone on here again.

I don’t trust a single person on here.

Everything is done for a reason and that reason is sex.

They don’t actually give a shit about you in reality.

This is clearly the result of very unpleasant personal experiences. I'm sorry this has been the case, as not everyone here acts that way

Bollocks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I understand what you mean.

It’s one of the reasons I won’t ever meet anyone on here again.

I don’t trust a single person on here.

Everything is done for a reason and that reason is sex.

They don’t actually give a shit about you in reality.

This is clearly the result of very unpleasant personal experiences. I'm sorry this has been the case, as not everyone here acts that way

Bollocks "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I (mrs) have respect for the people that we play with whilst enjoying their company, if i thought for one moment that feelings were starting to come into it...it stops.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I think I understand what you mean.

It’s one of the reasons I won’t ever meet anyone on here again.

I don’t trust a single person on here.

Everything is done for a reason and that reason is sex.

They don’t actually give a shit about you in reality.

This is clearly the result of very unpleasant personal experiences. I'm sorry this has been the case, as not everyone here acts that way

Bollocks "

I'm sorry you've been hurt. It can be better. I've made some incredible friends here. I wish that for you, if you want it. And if not, I wish you happiness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think I understand what you mean.

It’s one of the reasons I won’t ever meet anyone on here again.

I don’t trust a single person on here.

Everything is done for a reason and that reason is sex.

They don’t actually give a shit about you in reality.

This is clearly the result of very unpleasant personal experiences. I'm sorry this has been the case, as not everyone here acts that way

Bollocks "

I've made some amazing friends on here, and I class myself as so lucky to have come here and found fab/friends.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

"I think I understand what you mean.

It’s one of the reasons I won’t ever meet anyone on here again.

I don’t trust a single person on here.

Everything is done for a reason and that reason is sex.

They don’t actually give a shit about you in reality.

This is clearly the result of very unpleasant personal experiences. I'm sorry this has been the case, as not everyone here acts that way

Bollocks "

Charming response to someone that's trying to be nice

Yes, I have encountered people like that, I'm sure most on here have. But I'm also fortunate enough to have met some who are quite the opposite and have become good friends.

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