FabSwingers.com forum: Real Man

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If a man can't/doesn't financially provide for his Family, can he be considered a Man???

If not why???

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Of course he is still a man.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Yes he can

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

"Of course he is still a man. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he CAN'T then yes he is still a man and there must be a reason , however if he DOESN'T then thats a choice and no hes not a man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He will always be a man, if he tries his best thats what is important lovely x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Does he eat quiche though?

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"If a man can't/doesn't financially provide for his Family, can he be considered a Man???

If not why???"

Why would you ask that in the climate of mass unemployment and hardship everyone is facing?!?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If a man can't/doesn't financially provide for his Family, can he be considered a Man???

If not why???"

Wow. Of course he can. I was the bread earner throughout my marriage and didn’t see my ex as not being a man. His emotional support was much more important and needed than money.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hubby is currently on long term sick having been diagnosed with cancer last year. Operations and chemo abounds... He's not working and is on government PIP..

We have had to drastically change our spending habits. He was previously an hgv driver and I work part time.

So by this thread, he isn't a real man?...

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The op hasn't said that a man can't be considered a real man if he can't provide financially. He's asked a question and for people to state their reasons if they think it's so.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

[Removed by poster at 09/05/20 12:17:21]

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Yes he can.

Men are those identified/ who identify themselves as adult male humans. All other attributes are separate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What a weird post ... especially now...lets not have a pop at each other but help eachother

My single male nbour isnt working but he has been a god send as im still in work and he gets my shopping along with his girlfriends whos a nurse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some men cant handle it if wife or partner is on more money than them .It really doesnt matter ,money is nothing if you haven't got happiness .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doesn't make him any less of a man. It's a modern world we live in, women are just as capable of going out & getting a job & providing for the family themselves, it takes 2 to make a baby, why should the financial responsibilities solely fall on the man? We don't know what is infront of us, you could have a fantastic job one day and out on the streets the next unfortunately.

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

And if a man doesn't have a family... what defines him, right?

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"What a weird post ... especially now...lets not have a pop at each other but help eachother

My single male nbour isnt working but he has been a god send as im still in work and he gets my shopping along with his girlfriends whos a nurse.

Exactly my point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If a man can't/doesn't financially provide for his Family, can he be considered a Man???

If not why???"

What’s made you ask this?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I'd much rather ask, how can we contribute? To our families, friends, societies.

We all have strengths and weaknesses. We all have our part to play. That doesn't need to be gendered.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The op hasn't said that a man can't be considered a real man if he can't provide financially. He's asked a question and for people to state their reasons if they think it's so.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"If a man can't/doesn't financially provide for his Family, can he be considered a Man???

If not why???"

"If a man can't/doesn't financially provide for his Family, can he be considered a Man???

If not why???"

Huge difference between can't and doesn't as one indicates he could but won't and the other indicates he can't.

Not quite that straightforward as the can't could mean he has no money because he's bone idle and won't work or has money and won't contribute

But it could also mean he's always provided but fallen on ill health and is unable to.

And plenty of real men who run the family while the wife goes out to work through necessity or choice.

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By *nvisible_beardMan
over a year ago

near newbridge, wales

Is this the 1950's

That's like saying is a woman a real woman if she cant naturally have kids.

Why does the man have to be the bread winner?

Both parents can provide equally and share the raising of their family equally.

Well that's how I see it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a man can't provide finacially then it doesn't mean he isn't a man, as long as he is there for him family and loves them then he is a great man, love has more value than money, but if he chooses not to and doesn't prioritise his family then he isn't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you should love her a lot and try not to understand her at all!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Apologies to those who have misinterpreted what I've said.

I asked this question as I'm a father of two and I co parent and have a good relationship with the children's mother. Now I provide financially and I see them everyday (not saying that for a medal, but for clarification). I made a vow to always be there for my Family regardless of me and the Mother being together.

When I was growing up my dad didnt provide financially so I made it my duty to do so whenever I had kids.

I was speaking to my friend who also has kids but doesn't provide for them and i was challenging his integrity as a man. He doesn't provide financially, or emotionally and rarely sees them so I questioned his manhood.

I woke up this morning and was reflecting on this conversation and thought I was abit harsh on him so called him just before... then I came straight to the Forum to see what the Fabbers think.

Again nothing to do with the current situation and anyone going through hardship is unfortunate. It was more about the Providing element of being a man.

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

"The op hasn't said that a man can't be considered a real man if he can't provide financially. He's asked a question and for people to state their reasons if they think it's so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If a man can't/doesn't financially provide for his Family, can he be considered a Man???

If not why???

If a man can't/doesn't financially provide for his Family, can he be considered a Man???

If not why???

Huge difference between can't and doesn't as one indicates he could but won't and the other indicates he can't.

Not quite that straightforward as the can't could mean he has no money because he's bone idle and won't work or has money and won't contribute

But it could also mean he's always provided but fallen on ill health and is unable to.

And plenty of real men who run the family while the wife goes out to work through necessity or choice.

Yeah, as i've said there is a big difference between can't and doesn't

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By *KAholeandgloryCouple
over a year ago

exeter

If said man is trying his hardest to provide for his family corse he is a man. If said man is just sat on his arse watching daytime telly and watching the world go by and wasting his life then he is no man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/05/20 12:35:40]

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Apologies to those who have misinterpreted what I've said.

When I was growing up my dad didnt provide financially so I made it my duty to do so whenever I had kids.

I woke up this morning and was reflecting on this conversation and thought I was abit harsh on him so called him just before... then I came straight to the Forum to see what the Fabbers think.

Again nothing to do with the current situation and anyone going through hardship is unfortunate. It was more about the Providing element of being a man. "

I think we should do away with such gendered notions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apologies to those who have misinterpreted what I've said.

When I was growing up my dad didnt provide financially so I made it my duty to do so whenever I had kids.

I woke up this morning and was reflecting on this conversation and thought I was abit harsh on him so called him just before... then I came straight to the Forum to see what the Fabbers think.

Again nothing to do with the current situation and anyone going through hardship is unfortunate. It was more about the Providing element of being a man. "

I'm in a similar situation mate , but as long as your there for your family in any way you can then you're a great man mate, you're kids will remember your love for them and not the money

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The op hasn't said that a man can't be considered a real man if he can't provide financially. He's asked a question and for people to state their reasons if they think it's so.

Thankyou for those who read this post for what it was, and hopefully my clarification will help those understand what I meant abit better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can I just say I find the term "real man" so offensive and outdated. It's the absolute worst stereotype and completely toxic

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Can I just say I find the term "real man" so offensive and outdated. It's the absolute worst stereotype and completely toxic"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Guys sometimes it's hard to convey a point through a Forum thread.

I agree with doing away with such notions and gender stereotypes, however they do still exist. I'm also in agreement that a man doesn't have to provide financially to be considered a Man or a good man.

This thread was based on a friend of mines not being a good man due to him choosing not to provide, and I wanted to see what others thought.

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By *nvisible_beardMan
over a year ago

near newbridge, wales

"Apologies to those who have misinterpreted what I've said.

When I was growing up my dad didnt provide financially so I made it my duty to do so whenever I had kids.

I woke up this morning and was reflecting on this conversation and thought I was abit harsh on him so called him just before... then I came straight to the Forum to see what the Fabbers think.

Again nothing to do with the current situation and anyone going through hardship is unfortunate. It was more about the Providing element of being a man. "

That's different and personal choices.

If he decided not to be part of their life then they've given up their parental rights I guess too.

If they didn't want kids then they should have used protection.

Again a man financially supporting his kids doesnt change him being a man or real man.

Just means he is a deadbeat dad. But still a man. Gender has nothing to do with it.

Likewise the other way around.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Guys sometimes it's hard to convey a point through a Forum thread.

This thread was based on a friend of mines not being a good man due to him choosing not to provide, and I wanted to see what others thought.

Being a good man and a man are two totally different things

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By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

"If a man can't/doesn't financially provide for his Family, can he be considered a Man???

If not why???"
of course he is still a man. This is 2020 and that is a silly question

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Guys sometimes it's hard to convey a point through a Forum thread.

This thread was based on a friend of mines not being a good man due to him choosing not to provide, and I wanted to see what others thought.

He might not be a good person.

Does he contribute to his kids? That doesn't necessarily have to be financial.

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By *nvisible_beardMan
over a year ago

near newbridge, wales

"Guys sometimes it's hard to convey a point through a Forum thread.

This thread was based on a friend of mines not being a good man due to him choosing not to provide, and I wanted to see what others thought.

You've contradicted yourself here.

....

a man doesn't have to provide financially to be considered a Man or a good man.

.....

Then

....

not being a good man due to him choosing not to provide

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

both my ex husband's never looked after me or our children.first would spend the money in the pub.and gave me an allowence of 25 pound a week to live on for me and my daughter.the money he kept went to the pub landlord's as he used to what they called 'tick on' at the pubs.and would pay them back out of our dole money every fortnight. The second kept all the money except an allowence for shopping and bills. He never paid the rent (i didnt know)until we got a court summons and l attended as he was at work. We got evicted because he still woudnt pay the rent even after the court appearence.am long divorced and i wont ever get into a relationship again.sad to say i cant trust men.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

"Can I just say I find the term "real man" so offensive and outdated. It's the absolute worst stereotype and completely toxic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A man, just like a woman, should contribute fairly to the household they live in and if separated from the other parent should absolutely contribute financially towards their children.

Saying that though, it all depends on individual circumstances. I am a (slightly) higher earner than my ex, he doesn’t pay me anything towards the children because we have shared care of them and split expenses evenly between us.

Someone who doesn’t see their children or contribute financially towards them is still a man, but not a man I would want to know.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my eyes a man should stump up the most but the world is changing and is getting to be 50/50 split

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You only lose man status if you

Watch love island, push back on the strap on and wear a yellow or pink polo shirt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Guys sometimes it's hard to convey a point through a Forum thread.

This thread was based on a friend of mines not being a good man due to him choosing not to provide, and I wanted to see what others thought.

The very fact you are discussing what constitutes a real man suggests you actually fully endorse gender stereotypes and cliches such as real man

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think these stereotypes can be difficult to escape.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Wow that escalated fast... ok the term "Real Man" has been an issue and some have chosen not to read between the lines of what I was trying to express, even after me trying to explain in greater length.

Again sometimes these threads can be misconstrued. I know a Man is not defined but what he can provide or whether he does or not and I should of stated what I meant more clearly.

I was trying to gauge people's feelings on Father's or Parents (don't want the Gender police kn at me) that don't provide for their Family. This could be financially or emotionally???

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

A person who doesn't adequately contribute to the upbringing of their children, financially or otherwise, is lacking, yes. But I think that's also been said above.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A person who doesn't adequately contribute to the upbringing of their children, financially or otherwise, is lacking, yes. But I think that's also been said above."

I have just gone through the comments again and a few have mentioned this.

This is what I was insinuating from the OP

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By *arksxMan
over a year ago

Leicester / London

"Apologies to those who have misinterpreted what I've said.

When I was growing up my dad didnt provide financially so I made it my duty to do so whenever I had kids.

I woke up this morning and was reflecting on this conversation and thought I was abit harsh on him so called him just before... then I came straight to the Forum to see what the Fabbers think.

Again nothing to do with the current situation and anyone going through hardship is unfortunate. It was more about the Providing element of being a man. "

Your clarification post is worded very different to your opening question op

I dont think you should be challenging your firends integrity as a man...

You should be questioning his integrity as a parent.

They guy sounds a like deadbeat dad that does not provide financially or emotionally but I don't know his full back story.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"A person who doesn't adequately contribute to the upbringing of their children, financially or otherwise, is lacking, yes. But I think that's also been said above.

I have just gone through the comments again and a few have mentioned this.

This is what I was insinuating from the OP

I tried to answer it as well as call out the assumptions. Both can be done.

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By *ang AverageMan
over a year ago

Swansea

What a pointless, stupid question

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Your clarification post is worded very different to your opening question op

I dont think you should be challenging your firends integrity as a man...

You should be questioning his integrity as a parent.

They guy sounds a like deadbeat dad that does not provide financially or emotionally but I don't know his full back story. "

Yes, I hold my hands up to questioning his "Manhood" and I called him earlier this morning to apologise to him.

Then when I made the post, I put "Man" instead of "Parent" and now we are here

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"If a man can't/doesn't financially provide for his Family, can he be considered a Man???

If not why???"

If he has testicles then he is a man.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If a man can't/doesn't financially provide for his Family, can he be considered a Man???

If not why???

If he has testicles then he is a man."

I'd be careful saying such things on Fab. Although many will know what you mean...

There are people who will not see it that way

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By *arksxMan
over a year ago

Leicester / London

"Your clarification post is worded very different to your opening question op

I dont think you should be challenging your firends integrity as a man...

You should be questioning his integrity as a parent.

They guy sounds a like deadbeat dad that does not provide financially or emotionally but I don't know his full back story.

Yes, I hold my hands up to questioning his "Manhood" and I called him earlier this morning to apologise to him.

Then when I made the post, I put "Man" instead of "Parent" and now we are here

I know it takes being a man to reflect and apologise.

Instead of berating him why don't you ask him why he is not connected to his children

And explain why you are... And how your own fathers lack of contribution affected you.

Maybe that new viewpoint will make him reflect on his own behaviour

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I tried to answer it as well as call out the assumptions. Both can be done."

You did both and glad you did as it brought the true meaning of my conversation out and developed the conversation.

I've got no problems with trying to rectify my linguistic mistake and using an outdated stereotype to Express what I meant

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I tried to answer it as well as call out the assumptions. Both can be done.

You did both and glad you did as it brought the true meaning of my conversation out and developed the conversation.

I've got no problems with trying to rectify my linguistic mistake and using an outdated stereotype to Express what I meant

Cheers

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I know it takes being a man to reflect and apologise.

Instead of berating him why don't you ask him why he is not connected to his children

And explain why you are... And how your own fathers lack of contribution affected you.

Maybe that new viewpoint will make him reflect on his own behaviour "

Believe it or not but that was what our conversation was about, I was asking him when the last time he saw his boys (I do football coaching and his lad is in my team) he said he's not seen him for ages.

I then followed with "I know, you've not even been down to footy" he then laughed and said yeah buy his mum takes them. Which she does and I know her too, not aswell as my friend but got closer since she started bring him to footy.

He's a good friend of mines so I lost my head abit

1. Because i know there's some parents fighting tooth and nail to see their kids.

2. I thought my mate had abit more about him than that.

3. He too grew up fatherless (which we both spoke about)

4. I feel/felt he wasn't taking his role as a parent seriously.

The reasons above pissed me off. I guess I should of waited to calm down before taking it online (Fab Forum of all places

)

Like I said we've spoken since and I've explained to him that I was coming at him from the wrong angle although he still is a deadbeat father and needs a boot up his arse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone can only place value on somone based on there monetary value can they even be classed as somone who's opinion should matter... Just because somone isn't financially able to support somome doesn't mean they are not supporting that person in every other (and much more important) ways

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If someone can only place value on somone based on there monetary value can they even be classed as somone who's opinion should matter... Just because somone isn't financially able to support somome doesn't mean they are not supporting that person in every other (and much more important) ways "

Completely agree

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I know it takes being a man to reflect and apologise.

Instead of berating him why don't you ask him why he is not connected to his children

And explain why you are... And how your own fathers lack of contribution affected you.

Maybe that new viewpoint will make him reflect on his own behaviour

He's a good friend of mines so I lost my head abit

1. Because i know there's some parents fighting tooth and nail to see their kids.

2. I thought my mate had abit more about him than that.

3. He too grew up fatherless (which we both spoke about)

4. I feel/felt he wasn't taking his role as a parent seriously.

The reasons above pissed me off. I guess I should of waited to calm down before taking it online (Fab Forum of all places

)

Like I said we've spoken since and I've explained to him that I was coming at him from the wrong angle although he still is a deadbeat father and needs a boot up his arse"

I think you're being a good friend.

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By *arksxMan
over a year ago

Leicester / London

"I know it takes being a man to reflect and apologise.

Instead of berating him why don't you ask him why he is not connected to his children

And explain why you are... And how your own fathers lack of contribution affected you.

Maybe that new viewpoint will make him reflect on his own behaviour

He's a good friend of mines so I lost my head abit

1. Because i know there's some parents fighting tooth and nail to see their kids.

2. I thought my mate had abit more about him than that.

3. He too grew up fatherless (which we both spoke about)

4. I feel/felt he wasn't taking his role as a parent seriously.

The reasons above pissed me off. I guess I should of waited to calm down before taking it online (Fab Forum of all places

)

Like I said we've spoken since and I've explained to him that I was coming at him from the wrong angle although he still is a deadbeat father and needs a boot up his arse"

You can lead a camel to water

But you can't make it drink

Some people are just not built to be good parents even after they have had kids.

It's good that you are stepping for his son through football where he is shirking his responsibility.

You cant do more than and you cant MAKE a leopard change its spots

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If a man can't/doesn't financially provide for his Family, can he be considered a Man???

If not why???"

What else does he become, a donkey?

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