FabSwingers.com forum: Bullying at work

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

To cut a very long story short - I'm being bullied at work by a manager because of my skin colour

I was born and raised in England and I'm mixed race white British and black Caribbean.

This woman has never liked me and I thought it was a clash of personalities.

She has recently cut my hours so I will find it hard to survive.

I have been told that she has said

Quote " Black women always have an attitude problem - I'd rather not work with niggers "

I cant prove that she said this - and because she is a manager I don’t have a lot of hope.

I cant leave in the current Covid19 situation and I'm so upset and have been crying all day with frustration more than anything.

Does anyone know what I should do in this situation?

Thanks in advance x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

There should be an anti bullying policy in place. If there is follow the procedure set out in that.

If not you need witnesses and a very strong constitution.

You have my sympathy. I left a job due to bullying.

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

Is there anybody above her that you can take this to? This is dome serious shit and if you think you are being victimised and the company doesnt do anything then you could land them in some serious trouble.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Also I think racist behaviour is automatic dismissal in many organisations

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

"There should be an anti bullying policy in place. If there is follow the procedure set out in that.

If not you need witnesses and a very strong constitution.

You have my sympathy. I left a job due to bullying. "

I left the air training corps due to bullying

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

"Also I think racist behaviour is automatic dismissal in many organisations "

I agree

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By *h86Man
over a year ago

Glos

Sounds like you need to get that colleague to make a statement about what she said to support your complaint.

And if she is deliberately cutting your hours (and its just you and you can prove that), then you may be able to argue that she is attempting constructive dismissal. Speak to your HR as soon as possible and lodge a complaint. Also, keep a diary of when things happen to support your complaint

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There should be an anti bullying policy in place. If there is follow the procedure set out in that.

If not you need witnesses and a very strong constitution.

You have my sympathy. I left a job due to bullying. "

I have asked the person that told me to help me report her - but she doesn't want to get involved and cause problems for herself as it is a private company etc..

I will try and find out if there is a procedure - thanks for that.

I can't leave right now because there are no jobs to go to!

What happened with your bully?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That is completely unnaceptable.

Are you in a union? I suggest you sign up.

Talk to Acas. They are brilliant tbh.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"There should be an anti bullying policy in place. If there is follow the procedure set out in that.

If not you need witnesses and a very strong constitution.

You have my sympathy. I left a job due to bullying.

I left the air training corps due to bullying"

It's the only time in my entire life that I have been victimised in that way. I chose the easy way out but made sure the bosses knew why I was leaving. The op isn't in a position to leave sadly

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By *htcMan
over a year ago

If it has a head office or another boss, send them a email.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel for you cant you take it tt the company top boss your boss is racist by sound of it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow that is bad i really feel for you. If it was me i would go stright to the MD and tell him what has happend. Im guessing someone has told u she has said this? Take them with you to the MD if he/she dose not remove her from management i would speek to a solicitor. Hope you get this sorted op. Hate bullys no need for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That is completely unnaceptable.

Are you in a union? I suggest you sign up.

Talk to Acas. They are brilliant tbh."

This.

And read upon any policy about bullying you may have at work and follow it.

Be strong.

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman
over a year ago

Victoria, London

Need to keep a diary of things said, witnesses named if possible and any actions like hours being cut etc.

If not in a union, join. They are brilliant but most will require you to be a member for like 12-13 weeks before a claim.

I think these days if you end up in a dispute at work, you can only take a union rep with you, so well worth it. Need to be clear as to what you want from a discussion. Can't try to then get her fired for instance. Probably best to go for education and training.

Really sorry to hear its still going on. Been bullied myself, humiliating, ended up as a jibbering idiot, and I walked out for a year, and if honest repercussions still happening.

You want to be positive from it, and if you decide to leave, not take this with you. You know its nothing about you, its her problem.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"There should be an anti bullying policy in place. If there is follow the procedure set out in that.

If not you need witnesses and a very strong constitution.

You have my sympathy. I left a job due to bullying.

I have asked the person that told me to help me report her - but she doesn't want to get involved and cause problems for herself as it is a private company etc..

I will try and find out if there is a procedure - thanks for that.

I can't leave right now because there are no jobs to go to!

What happened with your bully?"

It was a job that I was way too qualified for and she didn't like that. She didn't show me how to do things then criticised me when I got it wrong, held my paypacket until last even though they were handed out alphabetically, ignored me unless she had to speak to me and then used a patronising and nasty tone, just a multitude of small, nasty things. Nothing as bad as what you've experienced though

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is there anybody above her that you can take this to? This is dome serious shit and if you think you are being victimised and the company doesnt do anything then you could land them in some serious trouble."

I took it to the General Manager today.

She seems to think that a meeting with the bully will sort it out.

Disregarding my hours being cut.

I'm so upset.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"There should be an anti bullying policy in place. If there is follow the procedure set out in that.

If not you need witnesses and a very strong constitution.

You have my sympathy. I left a job due to bullying.

I have asked the person that told me to help me report her - but she doesn't want to get involved and cause problems for herself as it is a private company etc..

I will try and find out if there is a procedure - thanks for that.

I can't leave right now because there are no jobs to go to!

What happened with your bully?"

Is there a HR dept?

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By *h86Man
over a year ago

Glos

"There should be an anti bullying policy in place. If there is follow the procedure set out in that.

If not you need witnesses and a very strong constitution.

You have my sympathy. I left a job due to bullying.

I have asked the person that told me to help me report her - but she doesn't want to get involved and cause problems for herself as it is a private company etc..

I will try and find out if there is a procedure - thanks for that.

I can't leave right now because there are no jobs to go to!

What happened with your bully?"

I think she has the right to keep her comments anonymous? Citizen's Advice would also be really helpful to you

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

"To cut a very long story short - I'm being bullied at work by a manager because of my skin colour

I was born and raised in England and I'm mixed race white British and black Caribbean.

This woman has never liked me and I thought it was a clash of personalities.

She has recently cut my hours so I will find it hard to survive.

I have been told that she has said

Quote " Black women always have an attitude problem - I'd rather not work with niggers "

I cant prove that she said this - and because she is a manager I don’t have a lot of hope.

I cant leave in the current Covid19 situation and I'm so upset and have been crying all day with frustration more than anything.

Does anyone know what I should do in this situation?

Thanks in advance x"

Next time you talk to her record your conversation privately and then take send recording to HR and get that bitch sacked.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I took it to the General Manager today.

She seems to think that a meeting with the bully will sort it out.

Disregarding my hours being cut.

I'm so upset.

It's very hard I know but you need to find out as much as possible from ACAS and then take charge of the situation before any meeting takes place.

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

I took it to the General Manager today.

She seems to think that a meeting with the bully will sort it out.

Disregarding my hours being cut.

I'm so upset.

Then she is fundamentally wrong, tell her that you do not wish her to be there as its intimidating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To cut a very long story short - I'm being bullied at work by a manager because of my skin colour

I was born and raised in England and I'm mixed race white British and black Caribbean.

This woman has never liked me and I thought it was a clash of personalities.

She has recently cut my hours so I will find it hard to survive.

I have been told that she has said

Quote " Black women always have an attitude problem - I'd rather not work with niggers "

I cant prove that she said this - and because she is a manager I don’t have a lot of hope.

I cant leave in the current Covid19 situation and I'm so upset and have been crying all day with frustration more than anything.

Does anyone know what I should do in this situation?

Thanks in advance x"
the only way to deal with bullies is to confront them but in a way she wouldn't be expecting use reverse psychology and have somebody around as a witness, compliment her or appeal to her sense of fair play but in person, if you give attitude unfortunately you will get attitude back

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Sorry to read this op,

This is horrible

Are you in a union ?they could help or Acas too.

As someone said ^keep a note of all that's said and takes place .Has she been able to justify cutting your hours?

Hope you manage to get this sorted,life is too bloody short to be miserable at work xx

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By *urious couple22Couple
over a year ago

Derby

You need to make a diary of everything that's said date time location even record your conversation if needs be I would speak to a union even if your not apart of a union you can still seek advise contact or acas. Hope this helps.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

This is what i would do but it’s up to you. Find an opportunity to talk to her privately , off the record , choose your words very carefully but basically ask her directly if she has an issue with you and note her reaction, then ask her why she cut your hours the ask her directly if she said that comment. Get in her personal space , Look her right in the eyes and decide if she’s lying or not.

Then tell her she has 2 choices to sort it now or your off to HR , formal complaint , possible police involvement. In my experience bullies will shit themselves when confronted like this.

Choose your words very carefully - don't do anything that could be considered threatening or aggressive or in professional.

If when it goes to HR you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong trying to resolve it directly

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By *artinbobMan
over a year ago

Leicester

I took it to the General Manager today.

She seems to think that a meeting with the bully will sort it out.

Disregarding my hours being cut.

I'm so upset.

If you’re not comfortable to meet with the bully you don’t have to. They GM shouldn’t expect you to be put in that situation. They should be dealing with racist bully separately. If I was you I’d take someone independent to that meeting for your support if you go. Union rep or someone else. Depends on the type of business it is I can only take specific people in meetings in case we discuss confidential information

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

I'm so very sorry to hear about your workplace bullying. I was bullied at work for a couple of years, until I left. It took years to undo the psychological damage she did to me.

Please try to sort this, one way or another, and soon, before it damages you as well.

Hugs xx

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

In anything like this you have to deal with facts or you've lost before you start.

The fact is the op has had her hours cut. The racist comment is hearsay. Before things can proceed evidence needs to be collected and if there's a disciplinary investigation, verified. This is why a procedure needs to be followed and no meeting should take place without witnesses.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you must go to HR and tell them what has happened - they should have a process in place to investigate - i am an ethics investigator and this would be a sackable offence if substantiated in my workplace. At the very least HR should be arranging for company wide diversity /treatment of others training / awareness

If you are concerned about raising a formal complaint, suggest you ask for an informal chat with HR and ask for their guidance on how to proceed / tackle. You should keep a record of what is said by who / when /where.. Any witnesses... record tone of what is said and how it makes you feel. (This will also be used as evidence if it goes to court for constructive dismissal)

I hope you find courage to tackle OP - good luck x

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I wouldn’t approach her to ask if she said it. She’ll know someone has said something and she will get defensive and probably act more of a knobber.

I would record everything she does with regard to you. Keep emails, texts, record conversations and keep a diary.

You know your usual work pattern. Make notes of any changes. Diariase EVERYTHING.

Bide your time. You have let Management know, they have to step in and do something. Record and keep everything they say to you.

I’d get on the blower to Acas and Citizens Advice and note the dates and times you’ve done so.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s incredibly shitty and must be stressful

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"To cut a very long story short - I'm being bullied at work by a manager because of my skin colour

I was born and raised in England and I'm mixed race white British and black Caribbean.

This woman has never liked me and I thought it was a clash of personalities.

She has recently cut my hours so I will find it hard to survive.

I have been told that she has said

Quote " Black women always have an attitude problem - I'd rather not work with niggers "

I cant prove that she said this - and because she is a manager I don’t have a lot of hope.

I cant leave in the current Covid19 situation and I'm so upset and have been crying all day with frustration more than anything.

Does anyone know what I should do in this situation?

Thanks in advance x"

HR first but don't accept anything other than what you want from the situation whether that be an apology or getting them disciplined.

If someone has used the N word they deserve every bit of sh.t that's coming.

If hr aren't taking it seriously go to the very top of the company and if you still don't get answers talk to a solicitor.

Will the person who told you back you up ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My attention has just been brought to this, OP. I just wanted to extend support to you and send you strength. I am no expert in legalities but I have dealt with racism in different contexts and know how horrific it can be. Of course it’s not the same, the experiences of black women and women of colour are often specific but you’re not alone and I hope you find the strength to get through this all.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

The issue going to HR first is it make it hard to go back , in my experience most of these can be sorted better without HR. Plus in UK SME HR is usually shit, and they often can’t be trusted and will often fuck you over just to save the MD or senior managers from hassle/ grief .

I only use HR when the other route has failed to get a solution, or when it needs to go beyond HR , I had cases of people being slapped etc which needed HR as instant dismissals. If it’s bullying or that kind of racism which is very hard to prove - sort it direct first, deal with the bully

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"In anything like this you have to deal with facts or you've lost before you start.

Absolutely this.

Also insist all meetings are documented and you receive copies of these .

I know it's difficult but you need to keep it factual and professional .

Hug of support OP.

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By *ad steMan
over a year ago

Southport

Op I have read through and the peeps on hear are giving great advice keep a log of what happens go to the top of the chain log a complaint I once had a manger who tried to sack me because he thaught he was all powerful untill he met me hear is how I worked it first and foremost when in a meeting keep your cool calm and collected Reed your work hand book covered to cover read over your contract and use every detail to your advantage

This manger wanted to discipline me for vomiting in to a bin he took me in to a very small room with his bits of paper and a stupid grin on his face his first mistake was taking me in there alone with no notice pulls of the shop flaw then sits down and said I'm going to discipline you for being sick I replied to him that is not a reason for a disciplinary he said he was going to do it anyway to which I replied that is ok ok this dinner disciplinary is not worth squat as you have pulled me in for a very small room on my own with no representation following this I will will in future follow the rule all that if I am ill I will take time off off to which he replied that is fine I will discipline you for that as well I just smiled at in and replied you could try that one but every time I do it I will go and get a doctor's note stating that I am ill and then you cannot touch me that was pretty much the end of the conversation he was no longer smiling and I heard no more about it he tried again on other other occasions and I just used the handbook to slap him down stay strong don't let it get to you it's not worth it and good luck

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By *urvySub87Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough

I was badly bullied by my manager. Keep a diary of everything that happens and report it straight away to hr. They should organise a meeting with you to go through everything that's happened. They will then have a meeting with the bully to raise your grievances. I can tell you now that little will happen so then you want to appeal the crap decision of "we had a word with them ". Technically you should then have a meeting with someone even higher up. Make sure that you mention racism. In fact say it every other word.

It will be difficult, make sure you take a colleague (good friend if you have one) into every meeting with you. I managed to stop my bullies big promotion. I wanted the twat fired but had to take the small victory instead

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree that HR sometimes has an agenda that isn't in your favour, OP.

I was bullied at work. I involved my union, an employment lawyer, ACAS, and threatened employment tribunal. Document everything, play everything by the book so you are beyond reproach and don't settle for any platitudes that aren't wholly satisfactory to you.

It's horrid, and you'll need to be strong, but you have reams of legislation on your side.

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By *aastyKnixWoman
over a year ago

Liverpool

Try to obtain as much evidence as possible.

Make a note of dates and times of every incident.

Make a note of exactly what was said and done.

Do not react in anger.

Report everything to higher management or HR department.They have to investigate.

If they refuse or fail to act,search 'Employment Tribunal. Gov

UK'.and contact them for help.

Make a note of any further incidents after you have reported,this could be seen as reprisal and could make things worse for the offender.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whilst it's clearly an issue with work and a prejudice individual, which lots have given advice on; it's also a racist incident that could be reported to the Police.

Astonishing that this still happens. Good luck.

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By *aurimauriMan
over a year ago

minster Ramsgate

Do not confront: can be seen as personal battle.

Record everything, even the conversation with the colleague.

If deemed racist and a crime, police will speak with your colleague anyway.

Get advice as above ASAP.

Skin tone is not an excuse.

But seek advice asap.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had this and told them to their face if they didn't alter their attitude and reverse the wrong straight away I was putting in a bullying complaint to their manager.

Let's just say it was sorted within days

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thankypu all for your kind words and advice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thankypu all for your kind words and advice.

I'm gonna miss youuuuuuuu

Love you loads.

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

She left

Hope it all works out in the end MFP

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By *eoeclipseWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

[Removed by poster at 25/04/20 21:28:21]

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By *eoeclipseWoman
over a year ago

glasgow

Notify hr, they have a duty of care & if it continues she'll have to be dealt with.

They may ask who told you this as a witness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sounds like you need to get that colleague to make a statement about what she said to support your complaint.

Make sure you put everything in writing, do not give them wriggle room, a conversation can be denied. Google employment rights and refer to them in any correspondance. Good luck..

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By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool

[Removed by poster at 25/04/20 22:14:11]

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

Gonna miss that smile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need to raise a complaint about it. If they do then get rid of you it’s unfair dismissal and they will have to pay you off. Make a complaint first thing Monday.

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