FabSwingers.com forum: First message

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So I’ve worked in a role supporting many people to communicate in different was, communication is often difficult for people from all walks of life, hence why I’m probably a lot softer than some people on here with regard to first messages. I always give people a chance as that first message is so nerve racking and doesn’t come across like intended.

Text messaging cannot accurately convey tone, emotion, facial expressions, gestures, body language, eye contact, oral speech, or face-to-face conversation, it is likely messages will be misunderstood.

Do you automatically dismiss people and their efforts based on a first message? I know many people get 100s of messages a day and it can be hard to keep up, but I’m interested to know how quick you are to judge someone merely based on a first message? Do you delete the “hi” or “you look beautiful”?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We state on our profile the message needs to be interesting and we don't reply to hi etc.

We don't like to waste our time as we know the conversation will be one sided having been there and entertained it before. Different strokes for different folks, but not for us.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I'm harsh. If I can't tell they've read my profile, I don't reply. Period.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am pretty ruthless I am afraid. Especially if the message indicates they havent taken time to read what I wrote. Not that the re is much to read currently, but based on my previous profile content.. I dont feel I need to owe them a courtesy of reply if they havent suffered through my blurb.

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

It depends really, have they attached pictures to the message that I find attractive? I'd take that into account. I'd also look at the profile and see what effort has gone in there before I decide to reply. I don't mind short "Hi" type messages if there's something else to draw me in, and the ensuing conversation doesn't remain at the one word answer stage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I like the look of the profile I respond in kind really, they say hi how are you I say I'm great hows you... if theirs is more in depth then so is my response.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also I wouldnt say I am judging. I am just being selective, respectful of my own time and the other persons too in a way. Not igniting false Hopes.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm harsh. If I can't tell they've read my profile, I don't reply. Period."

But what if they have read but struggle to communicate this to you in the first message?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We state on our profile the message needs to be interesting and we don't reply to hi etc.

We don't like to waste our time as we know the conversation will be one sided having been there and entertained it before. Different strokes for different folks, but not for us. "

So you have tried previously with the “hi” messages?

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By *rad110Man
over a year ago

rayliegh

Ok so conversations to start somewhere so if people are nice !! Hi how are u i thinks fine why fucking write the spanish inquisition ???

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It depends really, have they attached pictures to the message that I find attractive? I'd take that into account. I'd also look at the profile and see what effort has gone in there before I decide to reply. I don't mind short "Hi" type messages if there's something else to draw me in, and the ensuing conversation doesn't remain at the one word answer stage. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If I like the look of the profile I respond in kind really, they say hi how are you I say I'm great hows you... if theirs is more in depth then so is my response."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm harsh. If I can't tell they've read my profile, I don't reply. Period.

But what if they have read but struggle to communicate this to you in the first message? "
.

Its not rocket science is it? All you have to do is write "I've read your profile..."

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Also I wouldnt say I am judging. I am just being selective, respectful of my own time and the other persons too in a way. Not igniting false Hopes. "

Do y feel that by replying to a message you are giving someone hope?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We state on our profile the message needs to be interesting and we don't reply to hi etc.

We don't like to waste our time as we know the conversation will be one sided having been there and entertained it before. Different strokes for different folks, but not for us.

So you have tried previously with the “hi” messages? "

We have done, but it's boring and doesn't lead anywhere. We prefer people to pay an interest in our profile and send us something related as we would do if we sent them a message. I.e. We see you've been here or done this, we enjoy XZY too, that type of thing

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We state on our profile the message needs to be interesting and we don't reply to hi etc.

We don't like to waste our time as we know the conversation will be one sided having been there and entertained it before. Different strokes for different folks, but not for us.

So you have tried previously with the “hi” messages?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm harsh. If I can't tell they've read my profile, I don't reply. Period.

But what if they have read but struggle to communicate this to you in the first message? .

Its not rocket science is it? All you have to do is write "I've read your profile...""

No it’s not rocket science to many but some people do really struggle and I’m just seeing what people’s opinions are. And also interested from a professional point of view.

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By *ulldog_71Man
over a year ago

Sedgefield

I'll let you know when a woman sends me a message without me contacting them first lol

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By *rad110Man
over a year ago

rayliegh

Its very very different for men trust me it gets hard work in the end message message message thats why they get short !!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also I wouldnt say I am judging. I am just being selective, respectful of my own time and the other persons too in a way. Not igniting false Hopes.

Do y feel that by replying to a message you are giving someone hope? "

Often sadly yes. As mentioned throughout the forum it is frequently seen as a green light to engage in a further conversation when I dont wish to go into reasons of saying no thank you or replying to all compliments. Gosh sounds so stuck up.. but it is just a survival strategy to be able to enjoy my experience here the way I want to. My profile is very clear and people still message asking for things... I find it hard to be soft and tolerate "Hi" texts, when someone ignores the clear message I sent out in my strap line and profile. I understand there are people who find writing more of a challenge, but one of my criteria on here would be engaging with someone who is articulate, who inspires me with words, who corrects my English too! As I want to learn more and evolve my writing skills. I do like a good read too..

Saying all that I admire your ability to look beyond that first message and be more welcoming and encouraging than myself

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By *rad110Man
over a year ago

rayliegh

"I'll let you know when a woman sends me a message without me contacting them first lol"
so true lol

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I'm harsh. If I can't tell they've read my profile, I don't reply. Period.

But what if they have read but struggle to communicate this to you in the first message? .

Its not rocket science is it? All you have to do is write "I've read your profile...""

No, because that's often a lie. Show, don't tell.

Talk about something in my profile. It's a target rich environment!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll speak from past experiences on other sites and apps I've used as I am new here.

The problem, as other mentioned, comes when you feel like the conversation is dragged. You get to a point where you know that a chat that starts with a simple "Hi" will probably lead to nothing, so you tend to ignore it entirely.

Eveyone is kind enough to help out and message those "Hi"s back, but after a while it gets tiring.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Also I wouldnt say I am judging. I am just being selective, respectful of my own time and the other persons too in a way. Not igniting false Hopes.

Do y feel that by replying to a message you are giving someone hope?

Saying all that I admire your ability to look beyond that first message and be more welcoming and encouraging than myself

Not stuck up, Honest and that’s good. And I understand from both angles, I think! X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'll let you know when a woman sends me a message without me contacting them first lol"

That is a whole different thread!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It makes me chuckle, when it's the obvious copy n paste message, which do ignore n delete, telling me my eyes look beautiful in my profile pic lol, it's my chest, n 9 times out of 10 I'm right with that decision as it gets sent agai. The exact same message a couple days later. Lord knows why but I get a rediculous amount of messages, so I do have to get through them quickly, but cannot stand the ones where they send a second straight after, n I read them then they send another n another begging n then another saying obviously not for you then, n then sometimes I get abuse for teasing then I hit the block button lol x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It makes me chuckle, when it's the obvious copy n paste message, which do ignore n delete, telling me my eyes look beautiful in my profile pic lol, it's my chest, n 9 times out of 10 I'm right with that decision as it gets sent agai. The exact same message a couple days later. Lord knows why but I get a rediculous amount of messages, so I do have to get through them quickly, but cannot stand the ones where they send a second straight after, n I read them then they send another n another begging n then another saying obviously not for you then, n then sometimes I get abuse for teasing then I hit the block button lol x"

Of course and I would do the exact same in that situation. But do you reply to the standard “Hi” messages

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By *rad110Man
over a year ago

rayliegh

Just hi yes i would if some said hello to you say in a bar or shop would u ignore them ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Just hi yes i would if some said hello to you say in a bar or shop would u ignore them ? "

No I definitely wouldn’t! I smile at everyone and say hello all the time!

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By *rad110Man
over a year ago

rayliegh

So why on here is hi so bad ??

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

"Ok so conversations to start somewhere so if people are nice !! Hi how are u i thinks fine why fucking write the spanish inquisition ??? "

Because they won't expect that.

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By *eliciousladyWoman
over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

"Ok so conversations to start somewhere so if people are nice !! Hi how are u i thinks fine why fucking write the spanish inquisition ??? "

How much thought and sincerity has gone into those 4 words? None.

There is a middle ground without the need to write a novel..

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

It depends. If there's something I interesting in their profile then I would probably reply. If their profile is "fill in later" then it just smacks of total laziness and I probably wouldn't respond.

Sometimes if someone sends "hi, how are you?" and there's nothing in their profile for me to hang a conversation on I'll just send back "Grand ta". Guarantee no further response, then a few weeks later I'll get another "hi, how are you" because they're just blanket messaging every vagina on the site.

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By *rad110Man
over a year ago

rayliegh

Im fine thankyou how are u is that really that hard

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Just hi yes i would if some said hello to you say in a bar or shop would u ignore them ? "

No, but it's not the same.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

"Im fine thankyou how are u is that really that hard "

After the first hundred it gets very old. Yes, it really is that hard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep I pretty much ignore and delete all hi’s, heys, you’re hot, can I suck your dick? messages. We won’t have anything in common.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I'm very quick to judge, I'll be honest, I read their profile first, if their message is asking something that could easily be gleamed from my profile, then I am out! If they can't be arsed to read, then neither can I to answer.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I don't even read messages unless I find that person attractive from their pictures, and not a douchebag from the contents of their profile, so it really doesn't matter what they write (and yes, I know I'm shallow, but I have lots of friends to talk to and I'm not going to shag someone that I don't find attractive).

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Im fine thankyou how are u is that really that hard

After the first hundred it gets very old. Yes, it really is that hard."

And when you know that 40-70% will treat any response as you spreading your legs... Nope, not doing it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

fascinating

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By *rad110Man
over a year ago

rayliegh

Because women have so much choice on here thats why !!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Just to be clear, I’m not judging anyone or saying what I think is right or wrong. I find it very interesting to see how people respond. I do also have my limits when it comes to unwanted messages.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Because women have so much choice on here thats why !!!! "

I'd delete even if I didn't.

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By *rad110Man
over a year ago

rayliegh

"Just to be clear, I’m not judging anyone or saying what I think is right or wrong. I find it very interesting to see how people respond. I do also have my limits when it comes to unwanted messages.

"
well block men !!! Then you can find them a easy

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By *rad110Man
over a year ago

rayliegh

"Because women have so much choice on here thats why !!!!

I'd delete even if I didn't."
rubbish sorry try getting 2 a week

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it's clear they haven't read my profile, I definitely do not answer. Same if it's a one word or two word answer. Or if it's copy paste.

Then I check their profile and if I like it, I reply. There are rare occasions where I reply because they've said something funny etc.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

well block men !!! Then you can find them a easy"

I’m not sure I understand what you mean?

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By *rad110Man
over a year ago

rayliegh

Well if u get so many un wanted messages block men and u will knot simple

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman
over a year ago

On a mooch

It really does depend on the first message, from the title, the first couple of lines I can see without opening and a profile review

A simple hi wouldn’t be automatically deleted but a message with a cock pic attached would be.

There’s various things to consider and not just the simple first words

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"Because women have so much choice on here thats why !!!! "

Women do not have that much choice! That is the excuse give themselves, that women are looking for adonises, which is complete shite!

All I am looking for is a man that can hold a conversation, that I find interesting and there is something I find attractive about him. I want to like the whole person, sadly a hell of a lot of men do not give stock in that truthful answer and make up that women just want large cocks, whatever gets you through the low self esteem men, is up to you, it is not my place to judge as most of you seem to do

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By *rad110Man
over a year ago

rayliegh

"Because women have so much choice on here thats why !!!!

Women do not have that much choice! That is the excuse give themselves, that women are looking for adonises, which is complete shite!

"
no your looking for a young man lol

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

"Ok so conversations to start somewhere so if people are nice !! Hi how are u i thinks fine why fucking write the spanish inquisition ???

Because they won't expect that.

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

If I'm not intruiged by the profile and message then I don't respond. Means I don't waste my time nor theirs when I'm not interested. I have tried replying with a gentle no thanks but it was more hassle than it was worth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Theres probably some disparity between volume of messages I'll get compared to couples and women, but it's the same principle.

I've recieved some unexpected capturing introductions and conversation starters, and like everyone else had those rather tedious "Hi wanna chat" messages with nothing to go on.

I guess messages are always subject to discourse, but would you walk up to a stranger in a bar and make no effort, then expect a warm response?

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

I may look at their profile but ultimately if its too generic and looks like it wouldn't really go anywhere. I dismiss

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

I'm interested in personality not just dick

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok so conversations to start somewhere so if people are nice !! Hi how are u i thinks fine why fucking write the spanish inquisition ???

How much thought and sincerity has gone into those 4 words? None.

There is a middle ground without the need to write a novel..

Sooo send a poem?

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By *rad110Man
over a year ago

rayliegh

"I'm interested in personality not just dick"
girthlover lol.lol

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By *rad110Man
over a year ago

rayliegh

"I'm interested in personality not just dick girthlover lol.lol "
change ya profile me thinks lol x

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

"Well if u get so many un wanted messages block men and u will knot simple "

But then I wouldn't get the great messages that just shine brighter for being buried in a ton of dross.

Easier to just delete the dross and if the senders get butt-hurt well so be it, if they become abusive I can just block.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Because women have so much choice on here thats why !!!!

I'd delete even if I didn't.rubbish sorry try getting 2 a week "

At the moment I'm getting no new messages and it's glorious.

I can and do choose to do without, even under normal circumstances.

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By *rad110Man
over a year ago

rayliegh

"Because women have so much choice on here thats why !!!!

I'd delete even if I didn't.rubbish sorry try getting 2 a week

At the moment I'm getting no new messages and it's glorious.

I can and do choose to do without, even under normal circumstances."
yeah right you would hate getting no!! Messages stop it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Omg. What. The. Fuck.

Is this hell?

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

"Omg. What. The. Fuck.

Is this hell? "

Hey Steve.

How r u?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Omg. What. The. Fuck.

Is this hell?

Hey Steve.

How r u?

Melting! U?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I often click on the profile before opening the message. If I dont like the profile/they arent what I am looking for, I delete it.

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

"Omg. What. The. Fuck.

Is this hell?

Hey Steve.

How r u?

Melting! U?

Same.

Hell sux, lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Omg. What. The. Fuck.

Is this hell?

Hey Steve.

How r u?

Melting! U?

Same.

Hell sux, lol."

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

Unless the message has really caught my eye I look at the profile first before I even open the message if I don't like it or they have cheated to get through my filters I usually delete. If the message is nice tho I'll usually send a reply even if it's to say thanks but not interested. Sometimes I dont have time to reply tho.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men are trash.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Men are trash.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course and I would do the exact same in that situation. But do you reply to the standard “Hi” messages"

Yes I do, if that person has been kind enough to say Hi, then I reply back. N after a few messages, if this is the case I explain nicely that there not for me but happy to have general chit chat, n quite often they don't reply as they want dirty chat so it works,

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