FabSwingers.com forum: Letting go

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Time to do some reflection!

Is there anything that you should have let go to a long time ago, but you’re still holding onto?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

"Time to do some reflection!

Is there anything that you should have let go to a long time ago, but you’re still holding onto?"

Yeah a ton of guilt. If I could shift that bastard I would but deep down I think I punish myself with it so I keep hold of it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I need to let go to the idea of my brother in law and his wife speaking to us again.

Part of me things I’d love to speak to them, put everything behind us and have a fresh start. They have a son, our son has a cousin!

Then the other part of me things, why on earth would I want a relationship with people as abusive, vile, and awful as them? Why?!

Ugh

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

A percentage of the Contents of my garage and loft.

Not seen some of it for years so I obviously don't need it..

.. But what if an item I bin is worth 100k on antiques roadshow in 15 years

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I need to let go to the idea of my brother in law and his wife speaking to us again.

Part of me things I’d love to speak to them, put everything behind us and have a fresh start. They have a son, our son has a cousin!

Then the other part of me things, why on earth would I want a relationship with people as abusive, vile, and awful as them? Why?!

Ugh"

Some days I feel like reaching out to them (again)

Other days I feel like someone needs to kick my head in and make me see sense, because fuck. I would be stupid. Nine years of abuse, insults, just them being vile...why would I want to let them back into our lives?!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I need to let go to the idea of my brother in law and his wife speaking to us again.

Part of me things I’d love to speak to them, put everything behind us and have a fresh start. They have a son, our son has a cousin!

Then the other part of me things, why on earth would I want a relationship with people as abusive, vile, and awful as them? Why?!

Ugh"

Fuck em.

Why break bread with people like that?

Respect yourself first

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I need to let go to the idea of my brother in law and his wife speaking to us again.

Part of me things I’d love to speak to them, put everything behind us and have a fresh start. They have a son, our son has a cousin!

Then the other part of me things, why on earth would I want a relationship with people as abusive, vile, and awful as them? Why?!

Ugh

Some days I feel like reaching out to them (again)

Does hubby feel the same? x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I need to let go to the idea of my brother in law and his wife speaking to us again.

Part of me things I’d love to speak to them, put everything behind us and have a fresh start. They have a son, our son has a cousin!

Then the other part of me things, why on earth would I want a relationship with people as abusive, vile, and awful as them? Why?!

Ugh

Some days I feel like reaching out to them (again)

Does hubby feel the same? x"

He’s done trying. We reached out again in October and got a fuck tone of abuse back. We bought his parents a tree decoration for Christmas saying ‘our first Christmas as granny and grandad to..’ with our sons name, and their sons name. They sent us so much vile abuse, about how our sons aren’t cousins, not family, etc etc. They’ve slagged off our son so much.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I need to let go to the idea of my brother in law and his wife speaking to us again.

Part of me things I’d love to speak to them, put everything behind us and have a fresh start. They have a son, our son has a cousin!

Then the other part of me things, why on earth would I want a relationship with people as abusive, vile, and awful as them? Why?!

Ugh

Fuck em.

Why break bread with people like that?

Respect yourself first"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Anyone else wanna do some reflecting?!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I need to let go to the idea of my brother in law and his wife speaking to us again.

Part of me things I’d love to speak to them, put everything behind us and have a fresh start. They have a son, our son has a cousin!

Then the other part of me things, why on earth would I want a relationship with people as abusive, vile, and awful as them? Why?!

Ugh

Some days I feel like reaching out to them (again)

Does hubby feel the same? x

Oh wow. Some things aren’t worth trying for. I don’t think I could if they’d involved my children in the abuse. You can’t choose your family but you can choose your friends and many people have friends who are a lot closer than family xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I need to let go to the idea of my brother in law and his wife speaking to us again.

Part of me things I’d love to speak to them, put everything behind us and have a fresh start. They have a son, our son has a cousin!

Then the other part of me things, why on earth would I want a relationship with people as abusive, vile, and awful as them? Why?!

Ugh

Some days I feel like reaching out to them (again)

Does hubby feel the same? x

xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Yes....the hope that me and my middle sister might have some sort of relationship. She's so strange, always has been. She didn't send my kids birthday cards, Christmas cards so I sent her a message to see if she was ok. I got a one liner back. When all this virus kicked off I send her a message, you know keep well etc, nothing back.

I've tried so hard over many years but I'm at the point where I can't deal with her rejection (might be too strong, but it does feel like that) anymore.

Families eh?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My Grandad always taught me to never hold on to something for too long.

But that was after he blew his own arm off with a hand grenade.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes....the hope that me and my middle sister might have some sort of relationship. She's so strange, always has been. She didn't send my kids birthday cards, Christmas cards so I sent her a message to see if she was ok. I got a one liner back. When all this virus kicked off I send her a message, you know keep well etc, nothing back.

I've tried so hard over many years but I'm at the point where I can't deal with her rejection (might be too strong, but it does feel like that) anymore.

Families eh?

Bless you

It’s so tough, I totally get how you feel.

And it is rejection!

I hope things improve xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"I need to let go to the idea of my brother in law and his wife speaking to us again.

Part of me things I’d love to speak to them, put everything behind us and have a fresh start. They have a son, our son has a cousin!

Then the other part of me things, why on earth would I want a relationship with people as abusive, vile, and awful as them? Why?!

Ugh

Some days I feel like reaching out to them (again)

Does hubby feel the same? x

I think you try a bit harder when you have children, well 'normal' people do so the kids have a bigger family to grow up with.

When I had my second child I contacted my sister after years of her ignoring me. In hindsight I perhaps shouldn't of bothered.

Does it make you feel sad QL?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reflecting on things can bring you down and it sort of stops you in your tracks as balance of mind is disturbed suddenly.

When you fall. Fall forwards. Don't look back.

It's gone, done. move on.

But when you move. Move with determination, strength, speed of thought and drive.

One element to keep from everyone is love.

Only share that with those in your life deserving to be in that circle.

Share it fully with the closest, briefly with the rest.

Love will make a fool out of you so use it correctly and you have all that you need.

Now please file quietly out of my church and go in peace

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I need to let go to the idea of my brother in law and his wife speaking to us again.

Part of me things I’d love to speak to them, put everything behind us and have a fresh start. They have a son, our son has a cousin!

Then the other part of me things, why on earth would I want a relationship with people as abusive, vile, and awful as them? Why?!

Ugh

Some days I feel like reaching out to them (again)

Does hubby feel the same? x

I think you try a bit harder when you have children, well 'normal' people do so the kids have a bigger family to grow up with.

When I had my second child I contacted my sister after years of her ignoring me. In hindsight I perhaps shouldn't of bothered.

Does it make you feel sad QL?"

Very. It breaks my heart at times. And I know it breaks his families heart (his mum, dad, grans etc). And it would he so much easier for everyone if we all got on. Would make big events so much easier, christmas, birthdays etc...

MIL has a big birthday soon and wants to throw a birthday party. But how can we all be in the same room? It wouldn’t work.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I need to let go to the idea of my brother in law and his wife speaking to us again.

Part of me things I’d love to speak to them, put everything behind us and have a fresh start. They have a son, our son has a cousin!

Then the other part of me things, why on earth would I want a relationship with people as abusive, vile, and awful as them? Why?!

Ugh

Some days I feel like reaching out to them (again)

Does hubby feel the same? x

Dafuq

Take a screenshot of that text to remind yourself why they’re not worth your time.

They sound like a right set of twats

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I need to let go to the idea of my brother in law and his wife speaking to us again.

Part of me things I’d love to speak to them, put everything behind us and have a fresh start. They have a son, our son has a cousin!

Then the other part of me things, why on earth would I want a relationship with people as abusive, vile, and awful as them? Why?!

Ugh"

I'm in a similar situation with my brother as you know.

I cannot go back, I know if I needed him he would be there and he knows I love him, that's enough for me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I need to let go to the idea of my brother in law and his wife speaking to us again.

Part of me things I’d love to speak to them, put everything behind us and have a fresh start. They have a son, our son has a cousin!

Then the other part of me things, why on earth would I want a relationship with people as abusive, vile, and awful as them? Why?!

Ugh

Some days I feel like reaching out to them (again)

Does hubby feel the same? x

Dafuq

Take a screenshot of that text to remind yourself why they’re not worth your time.

They sound like a right set of twats

They are twats

I have the screenshots saved.

For years I had a file on my computer with all the screenshots for over the years of the abusive texts, tweets, Facebook posts etc.

But I deleted it before baba was born, couldn’t hold onto the hurt anymore

But I have the most recent ones saved

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I need to let go to the idea of my brother in law and his wife speaking to us again.

Part of me things I’d love to speak to them, put everything behind us and have a fresh start. They have a son, our son has a cousin!

Then the other part of me things, why on earth would I want a relationship with people as abusive, vile, and awful as them? Why?!

Ugh

I'm in a similar situation with my brother as you know.

I cannot go back, I know if I needed him he would be there and he knows I love him, that's enough for me."

It’s hard x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Reflecting on things can bring you down and it sort of stops you in your tracks as balance of mind is disturbed suddenly.

When you fall. Fall forwards. Don't look back.

It's gone, done. move on.

But when you move. Move with determination, strength, speed of thought and drive.

One element to keep from everyone is love.

Only share that with those in your life deserving to be in that circle.

Share it fully with the closest, briefly with the rest.

Love will make a fool out of you so use it correctly and you have all that you need.

Now please file quietly out of my church and go in peace

And social distancing!

But you’re right.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"I need to let go to the idea of my brother in law and his wife speaking to us again.

Part of me things I’d love to speak to them, put everything behind us and have a fresh start. They have a son, our son has a cousin!

Then the other part of me things, why on earth would I want a relationship with people as abusive, vile, and awful as them? Why?!

Ugh

Some days I feel like reaching out to them (again)

Does hubby feel the same? x

I think you try a bit harder when you have children, well 'normal' people do so the kids have a bigger family to grow up with.

When I had my second child I contacted my sister after years of her ignoring me. In hindsight I perhaps shouldn't of bothered.

Does it make you feel sad QL?

MIL has a big birthday soon and wants to throw a birthday party. But how can we all be in the same room? It wouldn’t work.

Awwwww, that is sad and a shame about the party. I'd still go if I was you, don't let them stop you guys from being with the rest of your family x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Reflecting on things can bring you down and it sort of stops you in your tracks as balance of mind is disturbed suddenly.

When you fall. Fall forwards. Don't look back.

It's gone, done. move on.

But when you move. Move with determination, strength, speed of thought and drive.

One element to keep from everyone is love.

Only share that with those in your life deserving to be in that circle.

Share it fully with the closest, briefly with the rest.

Love will make a fool out of you so use it correctly and you have all that you need.

Now please file quietly out of my church and go in peace

I don’t agree, nothing gets resolved without the courage to love unconditionally.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *edGrayCouple
over a year ago

Swindon

"My Grandad always taught me to never hold on to something for too long.

But that was after he blew his own arm off with a hand grenade."

This comment may have been said in jest, but the truth is, if you hold on to the negative parts of your life, you only end up hurting yourself.

We all have ghosts of our past visit us, more so now durring these anxious and uncertain times. Sometimes things are out of our control, they are not our fault. Other times we can learn from our mistakes and we move on, but we must look forward, we cannot change the past or other people. We can only change ourselves. Don't mourn what you have lost, but celebrate what you have.

Easter is a time in the Christian faith, for forgiveness and a new beginning. Let's go forward and forgive ourselves and others and make a new beginning.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By * Lexi xWoman
over a year ago

stockport

Yes, i have a huge issue with someone. I really need to let it go as it only eats away at me.

How do you do it?

When someone really tries to damage you?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ohhhh yes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes I think I need to let go of wanting to repair my relationship with my mum and dad

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve had to cut some people out because they were just no good for me, it’s a hard one to do but as cliche as it sounds I just forgave them. I don’t believe in closure or anything like that. I think sometimes just shut the door, accept that people behave differently to how you want/expect them to. You’re just holding onto an idea of how it could be, rather than how it would be. You’re missing something that’s never going to happen.

I hope it works out OP

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, i have a huge issue with someone. I really need to let it go as it only eats away at me.

How do you do it?

When someone really tries to damage you?

Sometimes kicking someone's teeth in is the only way to move forward

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By * Lexi xWoman
over a year ago

stockport

"Yes, i have a huge issue with someone. I really need to let it go as it only eats away at me.

How do you do it?

When someone really tries to damage you?

Sometimes kicking someone's teeth in is the only way to move forward"

Haha!! You know it!!!

I think for my situation that’s the only thing that will satisfy as you can imagine if someone did that to you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, i have a huge issue with someone. I really need to let it go as it only eats away at me.

How do you do it?

When someone really tries to damage you?

Sometimes kicking someone's teeth in is the only way to move forward

Haha!! You know it!!!

I think for my situation that’s the only thing that will satisfy as you can imagine if someone did that to you

Too true

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I've let go of a lot in my life. It really is the only way forward. I won't go in to details and maybe I'm just one of those people who can cut things and circumstances out of my mind but I think forgiveness is a huge part of it. If you can accept that something has happened and that people won't change but forgive without necessarily forgetting you can live your life without the shadow of it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 12/04/20 11:59:38]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"I've let go of a lot in my life. It really is the only way forward. I won't go in to details and maybe I'm just one of those people who can cut things and circumstances out of my mind but I think forgiveness is a huge part of it. If you can accept that something has happened and that people won't change but forgive without necessarily forgetting you can live your life without the shadow of it.

I like that , forgiving releases you and you can move forward, but it can be hard to do while your hurting because pain feeds insecurity. It’s actually quite a selfish thing, you don’t even need to tell them !

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had to let go of quite a lot, so to enable myself to get better. Other things I am unsure will be able to. There's two big traumas that have happened in my life, one that wasn't in my control and the other caused by myself, in retaliation. Forgave all parties concerned as well as myself, but will always be at back of my mind I'm afraid. But is a good reminder of when in a dark place.

Very deep, maybe should of posted in Easter Sunday confessions

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I agree it isn't easy but neither is living with hurt and upset.

I don't know if I'm wired differently to lots of people because I can move on with less difficulty than lots of people (my dad is the same but my mum still harbours resentment about something her mother in law said on their wedding day 65 years ago

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Reflecting on things can bring you down and it sort of stops you in your tracks as balance of mind is disturbed suddenly.

When you fall. Fall forwards. Don't look back.

It's gone, done. move on.

But when you move. Move with determination, strength, speed of thought and drive.

One element to keep from everyone is love.

Only share that with those in your life deserving to be in that circle.

Share it fully with the closest, briefly with the rest.

Love will make a fool out of you so use it correctly and you have all that you need.

Now please file quietly out of my church and go in peace

This. 100%. I’m not religious but hallelujah

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's tough isn't it that letting go stuff.

Our brains remember things to stop the hurt happening again, to stop the cycle continuing. It does it to protect us.

I have a fair amount of stuff I need to let go of to be able to move forward. Problem is I don't want to leave myself open to the same stuff happening again. There's only so many times you can get dealt a shit hand before you walk away from the game, and that's not being a sore loser, it's knowing when to fold and leave the table.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"It's tough isn't it that letting go stuff.

Our brains remember things to stop the hurt happening again, to stop the cycle continuing. It does it to protect us.

and some squishy hugs to boot

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It's tough isn't it that letting go stuff.

Our brains remember things to stop the hurt happening again, to stop the cycle continuing. It does it to protect us.

I agree with your last sentence wholeheartedly

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rAitchMan
over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

My brother and I fell out as teenagers and barely spoke to each other for years.

A few years ago we were at a family party and since then we're now best mates. He's also joined my band, so we spend a lot of time together - until lockdown, but we text a couple of times per week.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah"

This

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

[Removed by poster at 12/04/20 12:55:50]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

No the people I've left in the past are there for a reason. However, I do mourn in a way about how things could have been so much different. Cutting out family members is one of the most difficult things you can do.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lots of families play out negative dramas OP. No family is completely without dysfunction. You find the same unhealthy roles ( the trouble makers, the facilitators, the puppet, the empath, the peacemaker, the puppet master / mistress, the eternal victim ...ect ) played by different people over infinite generations.

You can't change a destructive person into a nurturer. All you can do is get a deeper understanding of yourself....what role you've been conditioned to play and in what ways that role has served you ?

Also try to see what roles others in your family dynamic play, as this is both the hardest but ultimately the most useful knowledge for moving forward in awareness towards a drastically more peaceful life. It will help you not to react in the way the negative players want I.e....vexing and hurting you so you react negatively, giving them both their perverse feed and getting you to look and feel bad.

This breaking negative dynamics in your generation will be much more valuable to your son than contact with or manipulation and undermining from any amount of aunts, uncles or cousins.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread