FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

People CAN change

Jump to newest
 

By *orthern Stars OP   Couple
over a year ago

Durham

Just been messaging someone and we both have seen each other develop in the space of about 5 years, into totally different people in our behaviour and attitudes, totally for the better may I add.

Do you think you have altered much in recent years, or maybe even feel that you need to alter in some way?

Be honest.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have changed for the worst and I've never been so contended in my life. I feel as though I have a lot of catching up to do when I look at the ones I have chosen to use as role models.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nvisible_beardMan
over a year ago

near newbridge, wales

I probably need to alter more.

But I've changed the way I interact with people and dont take things too seriously

Conversation seems to flow more and more people are open to talking and giving the time of day and vice versa.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, I’ve changed a lot in the last 5 years.

I used to see the world through rose tinted specs and wear my heart on my sleeve.

Now I am extremely cynical and cold hearted.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have changed yes.

and not in a good way, less tolerant of people and I have learnt to say NO more often.

and since I started saying no to people I have more time for me.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always stay flexible....

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes oh my god I have changed so much over the years and so pleased I did.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i wish i had some shorts to change into damnit

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

I am basically the same but feel much stronger now that i have left my ex.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just been messaging someone and we both have seen each other develop in the space of about 5 years, into totally different people in our behaviour and attitudes, totally for the better may I add.

Do you think you have altered much in recent years, or maybe even feel that you need to alter in some way?

Be honest."

Definitely for the better. I used to be a right berk but life caught up with me and I had to step up to the mark and take responsibility... (I'm still a berk mind, but a better one)

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 10/04/20 11:59:48]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Removed by poster at 10/04/20 11:59:48]"

Changed mind^

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Definitely. I think on the whole though people change through big life events and decisions rather than gradually, it sets you on a new course.

If you look at where we are / what we are doing / what you are like now compared to 10-20 years ago you can usually see a small number of big events/decisions that led you here.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have changed for the worst and I've never been so contended in my life. I feel as though I have a lot of catching up to do when I look at the ones I have chosen to use as role models."
Meant to write Contented..but it changed to contended? Why?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Absolutely. We evolve over our lives.

But to capitalise on it, people have to tap into their vulnerability, be prepared to examine their foibles no matter how painful they find it. It requires courage and self awareness that not many have.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes, I’ve changed a lot in the last 5 years.

I used to see the world through rose tinted specs and wear my heart on my sleeve.

Now I am extremely cynical and cold hearted."

I'm a lot like this, I still wear my heart on my sleeve though. My faith in humanity nosedived over recent years, as has my trust in what people "in general" say. I used to believe words, now I believe instinct.

I find myself having a CBA attitude and doing a fair amount of eye rolling.

I really did think I was unlucky to encounter someone as evil as my ex, but since coming on here it showed me that level of sick is far more widespread than I ever could have imagined (whether that be from people on the site themselves who are predatory or from other victims/survivors who've shared their story)

P

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nliveneTV/TS
over a year ago

Selby

Defenitly i changed alot and i feel happier then ever

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Yes, I’ve changed a lot in the last 5 years.

I used to see the world through rose tinted specs and wear my heart on my sleeve.

Now I am extremely cynical and cold hearted.

I'm a lot like this, I still wear my heart on my sleeve though. My faith in humanity nosedived over recent years, as has my trust in what people "in general" say. I used to believe words, now I believe instinct.

I find myself having a CBA attitude and doing a fair amount of eye rolling.

I really did think I was unlucky to encounter someone as evil as my ex, but since coming on here it showed me that level of sick is far more widespread than I ever could have imagined (whether that be from people on the site themselves who are predatory or from other victims/survivors who've shared their story)

P"

I hear you, sister x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes, I’ve changed a lot in the last 5 years.

I used to see the world through rose tinted specs and wear my heart on my sleeve.

Now I am extremely cynical and cold hearted.

I'm a lot like this, I still wear my heart on my sleeve though. My faith in humanity nosedived over recent years, as has my trust in what people "in general" say. I used to believe words, now I believe instinct.

I find myself having a CBA attitude and doing a fair amount of eye rolling.

I really did think I was unlucky to encounter someone as evil as my ex, but since coming on here it showed me that level of sick is far more widespread than I ever could have imagined (whether that be from people on the site themselves who are predatory or from other victims/survivors who've shared their story)

P"

It’s quite sad really, but we do what we need to. I’m not just talking about men either, I have no time for bullshit in any form in my life.

I guess there is a tiny flicker of me that still shows me I’m not made of stone but it’s a rare occasion that that makes an appearance.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We are always altering and if you can’t change your views on anything then you will not get far in life

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. I am a totally different person to what I was 10 years ago. Life events have done that. I prefer this me though although some people would disagree.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

..

I think we all change over time but I wouldn’t say significantly in my case. Being on here has left me a little jaded and I’m a tad more cynical unfortunately, but that is down to people not the site itself. I’m also more guarded now and I believe that is self preservation.

Ultimately I still feel pretty much the same, happy, healthy and feel lucky in life so not much to complain about really

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

I've spent the past 5 years rebuilding my life into what it is now, I can trust people again, my inner circle is full of loved friends and panic and anxiety attacks are a thing of the past.

Whenever I now have a blip I know my friends will call me on it and support me

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes, I’ve changed a lot in the last 5 years.

I used to see the world through rose tinted specs and wear my heart on my sleeve.

Now I am extremely cynical and cold hearted.

I'm a lot like this, I still wear my heart on my sleeve though. My faith in humanity nosedived over recent years, as has my trust in what people "in general" say. I used to believe words, now I believe instinct.

I find myself having a CBA attitude and doing a fair amount of eye rolling.

I really did think I was unlucky to encounter someone as evil as my ex, but since coming on here it showed me that level of sick is far more widespread than I ever could have imagined (whether that be from people on the site themselves who are predatory or from other victims/survivors who've shared their story)

P

It’s quite sad really, but we do what we need to. I’m not just talking about men either, I have no time for bullshit in any form in my life.

I guess there is a tiny flicker of me that still shows me I’m not made of stone but it’s a rare occasion that that makes an appearance."

It is sad. I still have huge amounts of love to give but I also have a massive protective barrier. If something doesn't add up I tend to shut shit down rather than risk letting myself get lied to or taken for a muppet. It does impact future relationships even though you wish it didn't. I'm certain B gets frustrated with me not giving other people a chance or looking for things that don't quite sit right, but, that's what happens when you've had people want to destroy you. And yep, both genders.

P

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

I have changed a lot, I think it's for the better but of course I'd like to think that.

Even in the past couple of months (and I've no doubt why that is), I'm a lot happier within myself, a lot more tolerant of others and far more confident and less willing to put up with nonsense.

I do have moments where I am a bit short, I've sometimes been rather selfish and thoughtless but I've also learned when to admit my mistakes and flaws and take ownership of that. I'm far more open with those I love, able to rationalise and support those who deserve it. Even people I'm not particularly fond of I think "why be shitty to them?". The old me would have gleefully pointed out their foolishness or their mistakes but now I think that I can be better and show them kindness. I still eye roll, I still mock some daft things I read; I'm human and flawed.

We do all have our own struggles - I know I've had moments where I've felt so alone, almost overwhelmed with grief and hurt and if being a bit kind to someone else makes a difference, well I would rather do that then add to their negative. People are so important and life is so fragile, I'd rather spend my day adding to the beauty of life's tapestry than unpicking it with horribleness.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To paraphrase Muhammad Ali, the man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.

So yes I believe in change and encourage it, especially when it comes to growth.

Yet not sure if people with too deep-rooted mental health issues, such as serial killers, can actually change.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *mberWoman
over a year ago

Preston

I'd say I've evolved.

We are products of our experiences. I'm more confident, stronger and physically look better.

But I'm still me, my morals, outlook and attitude are the same.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I'd say I've evolved.

We are products of our experiences. I'm more confident, stronger and physically look better.

But I'm still me, my morals, outlook and attitude are the same."

I like this. My evolution has been self actualisation. Bringing myself out into the best version of myself.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

I had a fab meet last year with someone who told me had spent 6years in jail. Just got mixed up with the wrong folk when younger and his life spiralled out of control. He even had stab wound scars. Served his time and came out a different man.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Yes, I know to pick my battles now. Some stuff is irritating but in the grand scheme of things just isn't important.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Yes, I know to pick my battles now. Some stuff is irritating but in the grand scheme of things just isn't important.

"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Possibly I have. To some it will be seen as an improvement to others it will be seen as a negative.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes, I’ve changed a lot in the last 5 years.

I used to see the world through rose tinted specs and wear my heart on my sleeve.

Now I am extremely cynical and cold hearted."

Life’ll do that to ya!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Possibly I have. To some it will be seen as an improvement to others it will be seen as a negative.

"

Ha. I've found my bitch. Plenty of people hate it. Tough shit.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *moothdickMan
over a year ago

stoke

On the outside yes and get milder with age but the inner core never changes .. those old evils still lie within the soul

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been having counselling for a while now and it has helped me to change. I am more able to check in with myself and recognise where my feelings are and whether I am happy with something or not. I've been able to pull things out of the boxes they were locked in and deal with them.

I'm still a work in progress and opening up is not a natural thing but I'm getting there.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Last two years I have become a hugger. Some people say better at my emotional intelligence. Still long way to go.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"I've been having counselling for a while now and it has helped me to change. I am more able to check in with myself and recognise where my feelings are and whether I am happy with something or not. I've been able to pull things out of the boxes they were locked in and deal with them.

I'm still a work in progress and opening up is not a natural thing but I'm getting there. "

Therapy is fucking amazing. And such hard work.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Big changes for me. I've gone from being totally able bodied and able to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, to having a disability that means that I struggle to walk far. I now use a wheelchair instead of walking any decent distance, but obviously that means I can't necessarily get into places I want to be. I can't do things like go hiking, ride a bike, run etc. A hell of a change to adapt to whilst having to be a mum, work full time, be a wife and all the rest of it.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Big changes for me. I've gone from being totally able bodied and able to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, to having a disability that means that I struggle to walk far. I now use a wheelchair instead of walking any decent distance, but obviously that means I can't necessarily get into places I want to be. I can't do things like go hiking, ride a bike, run etc. A hell of a change to adapt to whilst having to be a mum, work full time, be a wife and all the rest of it. "

And you're still totally kickarse

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Big changes for me. I've gone from being totally able bodied and able to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, to having a disability that means that I struggle to walk far. I now use a wheelchair instead of walking any decent distance, but obviously that means I can't necessarily get into places I want to be. I can't do things like go hiking, ride a bike, run etc. A hell of a change to adapt to whilst having to be a mum, work full time, be a wife and all the rest of it.

And you're still totally kickarse"

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *nvisible_beardMan
over a year ago

near newbridge, wales


"Big changes for me. I've gone from being totally able bodied and able to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, to having a disability that means that I struggle to walk far. I now use a wheelchair instead of walking any decent distance, but obviously that means I can't necessarily get into places I want to be. I can't do things like go hiking, ride a bike, run etc. A hell of a change to adapt to whilst having to be a mum, work full time, be a wife and all the rest of it.

And you're still totally kickarse

"

to you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *mberWoman
over a year ago

Preston


"I'd say I've evolved.

We are products of our experiences. I'm more confident, stronger and physically look better.

But I'm still me, my morals, outlook and attitude are the same.

I like this. My evolution has been self actualisation. Bringing myself out into the best version of myself."

Yes. This. I like me better too.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *orthern Stars OP   Couple
over a year ago

Durham

Thank you for all your contributions to this thread. So many of you sound very strong people.

This has been really interesting reading, thank you.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes, I’ve changed a lot in the last 5 years.

I used to see the world through rose tinted specs and wear my heart on my sleeve.

Now I am extremely cynical and cold hearted.

I'm a lot like this, I still wear my heart on my sleeve though. My faith in humanity nosedived over recent years, as has my trust in what people "in general" say. I used to believe words, now I believe instinct.

I find myself having a CBA attitude and doing a fair amount of eye rolling.

I really did think I was unlucky to encounter someone as evil as my ex, but since coming on here it showed me that level of sick is far more widespread than I ever could have imagined (whether that be from people on the site themselves who are predatory or from other victims/survivors who've shared their story)

P

I hear you, sister x"

I m the same humanity and instinct wise..I ve found many I thought were close to me understood who I was and what made me but alas they don't. .I change all the time due to my mental health issues and tbh I can't stop it but am getting tired of it..but my changes are often reactions to actions or words of others..I have to say this site is the one place I can be me. My faith in humanity got busted yesterday..or my lack of faith in friendship..so overnight I have isolated from my friends on social media...so yeah I get where you re coming from...take care x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

Completely different person to me-in-my-twenties.

He was a brash little shit.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm definitely not the same as I was 5 years ago, same with going back longer. I do think I have improved in a lot of ways, and maybe lacking in others. Time, experiences and relations will almost always have an affect on ones self, maybe not immediately, but definitely have some kind of impact. (Apart from sociopaths I guess).

I think it's important for people to take step back and self analyse, compare themselves to what they were like in past.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I’m more rain cloud than sunshine these days.

Life events take their toll on you and leave a mark, some you can smooth over so they are not as noticeable, others are deeper and more noticeable.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely not the same person I was 5 years ago but a hell of a lot has happened in 5 years to impact that. Wouldn't always say I've changed for the better but every day I try

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've lost my sparkle in the last 5 years.

I've gained a lot of weight and have lost my mojo - nothing in particular has happened - I think that's the problem!

The one thing that has changed for the better is having my own space now.

It's mine and I don't need to compromise anymore

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes ... I’ve changed, for the better

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fundamentally I dont think people change at all, be it because of nature or nurture we are programmed and influenced from an early age.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *irtydanMan
over a year ago

Blackpool


"Yes, I’ve changed a lot in the last 5 years.

I used to see the world through rose tinted specs and wear my heart on my sleeve.

Now I am extremely cynical and cold hearted."

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Has someone been watching Rocky 4 haha.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I've become more of who I want to be (the 'real me' I suppose) and not the person others want me to be. I'm far more relaxed in myself now.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top