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One Liners!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

If it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all!

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By *nytimeadeMan
over a year ago

Skegness


"If it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all! "

So "Are you feeling Lucky Punk " ."well are you ?"

i aint seen 'Lucky 'for ages for a feel ..

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

She's so ugly "Cillit" wouldn't bang her!

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By *nytimeadeMan
over a year ago

Skegness


"She's so ugly "Cillit" wouldn't bang her! "

Yeah .. She has to get a Vibrator Pissed , to get a shag ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think....therefore I'm single!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm going to take you home and ride you like a bike with square wheels"

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By *nytimeadeMan
over a year ago

Skegness


"I think....therefore I'm single!!! "

" No Women ,No Cry "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think....therefore I'm single!!!

" No Women ,No Cry "

"

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

She's got more chins than a Chinese phone book!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oral sex can make your day,

but anal will make your hole weak

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"she's been rogered more times than a policemans radio"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sex is not the answer....sex is the question?

....YES is the answer.

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By *nytimeadeMan
over a year ago

Skegness


""she's been rogered more times than a policemans radio""

And had more Prick than a second hand Dart board ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Won't sell many ice creams at that speed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your partner has put on weight...tell them to walk 3 miles each morning and 3 miles each night...by the end of the week, the fat bastard will be 42 miles away!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

to quote Jack from Jack&Kate1

'she's been cocked more times than John Waynes rifle'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"she's done more lengths than duncan goodhew"

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By *orkieMan
over a year ago

Who knows

[Removed by poster at 15/05/12 18:12:23]

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By *orkieMan
over a year ago

Who knows

Shes had more pricks than a blind cobblers thumb

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By *orkieMan
over a year ago

Who knows

Boring??? He was having a wank and his hand went to sleep

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She's had more cock ends...than weekends

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I'm as bored as a passivists pistol old chap!

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By *ovedupstillCouple
over a year ago

mullinwire

got a face like a plasterers radio

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By *ovedupstillCouple
over a year ago

mullinwire

He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

I went to Millets and said 'I want to buy a tent.' He said 'To camp?', I said [butchly] 'Sorry, I want to buy a tent.' I said 'I also want to buy a caravan.' He said 'Camper?' I said [campily] 'Make your mind up.

So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died.

Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.

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By *ovedupstillCouple
over a year ago

mullinwire

"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree.

And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A monkey nibbling a penis is funny is any language .

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


""So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree.

And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road."
All your own work madame well done

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By *ovedupstillCouple
over a year ago

mullinwire


""So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree.

And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road. All your own work madame well done "

SIR and not really. tim vine

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

www.conjunctivitis.com - that's a site for sore eyes

Velcro - what a rip off

Also Tim Vine

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

2 goldfish in a tank, one said "Do you know how to drive this thing???"

2 budgies on a perch, one said "Can you smell fish????"

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By *issBehavingxxWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

Don't argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

Top 10 Mother-in-law one-liners

"I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay... the mice throw themselves on the traps." Les Dawson

"My wife said: 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said: 'Why?' and she said: 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already'. Bob Monkhouse

"My mother-in-law said 'one day I will dance on your grave'. I said 'I hope you do, I’ll be buried at sea.'" Les Dawson

"I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in." Henry Youngman

"I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months. I don't like to interrupt her." Ken Dodd

"I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir, we're stock-taking.'" Les Dawson

"A police recruit is asked during an exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother-in-law?" He replies, "I'd call for backup." Bernard Manning

"My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked." Les Dawson

"I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport." Henry Youngman

"My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in." Les Dawson

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She has pussy lips like John Wayne's saddlebags..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A Bosnian......

Slobberdanmeknobyerbitch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

she had flaps like a gutted trout.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"She has pussy lips like John Wayne's saddlebags.. "
Ya mean a fanny like the top of a wellie!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bin liners.

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

You can wade through his deepest thoughts and not get your ankles wet...

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By *teborahCouple
over a year ago

warrington

A fanny will draw you further than dynamite will blow ya!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't blow yer hat off!

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By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

I'd offer to battle wits with you, but I see you've come unarmed!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We call her 'Sea' even the tide won't take her out!

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield


"If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't blow yer hat off! "

If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thick, bright as a dark night!

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By *nytimeadeMan
over a year ago

Skegness


"We call her 'Sea' even the tide won't take her out!"

Well we call her 'KIT KAT '.. she takes 5 fingers easy ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm gonna shake you naked and eat you alive"

Nicolas Cage in 'Zandalee'

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By *ashful BazMan
over a year ago

poole dorset

You, couldn't score in a Brothel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" You, couldn't score in a Brothel. "

Like a spare prick in a brothel

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By *ashful BazMan
over a year ago

poole dorset

It takes me all night to do, what I use to do all night.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Put off doing today...what can be forgotten tomorrow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She goes down more often than Fab's servers.

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By *ashful BazMan
over a year ago

poole dorset

If your talking behind my back, you are in a good position to kiss my ass!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're so hot you make the cheese under my foreskin bubble.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my dad did....not screaming like a bitch, like my mother in the passenger seat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If we're not meant to eat animals why did God make them out of food?

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By *ove2-shareCouple
over a year ago

South Gloucestershire


"Oral sex can make your day,

but anal will make your hole weak "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Welcome to The Karma Cafe. There are no menus, you get served what you deserve.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fancy a dance?Go and have one then so I can talk to your mate.

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