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when the sex is gone?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Been with my partner since we were kids. We have had a good marriage up until about 3 years ago. He became distant and I can count on one had how many times we have had sex in the last 3 years. I have spoken to him many times. Even done some councling. No one can find anything wrong with him. No reason for his lack of desire in sex.

He says he loves me and wants to be with me. He just doesn't want sex. He spends a lot of time away. More than I'd like him too. He often let's me down on nights out or for family doos. He could just blow me off to head out with mates or watch something on the TV.he knows how much this bothers me but doesn't seem to really care. Not enough to change anyway.

I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've had a few sexual encounters and they've been amazing. I always feel guilty after but not enough to stop doing it. We chatted about splitting up but he says that's the last thing that he wants. To be fair I'm not sure we could afford to separate with rent being so high and just the cost of living in general.

I guess the point of this post is to get it off my chest and maybe see if anyone has been in similar situation. Any advice welcome.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

His probably got another gf on the side as reading it clearly tells me his having a affair x

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

How old is he? Is he open with the finances and easy to hold of in the evenings when away ? Any of the top 10 signs of having an affair - you can google them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sounds like he is either in the closet or cheating on you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aw OP you seem familiar.

Chin up. Hopefully he isn’t having an affair. Lots of things could take away a sex drive

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds very familiar and just like what happened between me and my wife ( her being the one that got distant ) I feel for you. Only you can make a decision to find happiness again and I wish you all the best x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm very sorry to read your situation.

I can't offer any help to you I just hope you get through this and get some answers soon.

Good luck.

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By *erdyWoman
over a year ago

wiltshire


"His probably got another gf on the side as reading it clearly tells me his having a affair x "
That's how it sounds to me also. Ending a relationship is super tough. Especially if children involved. But ultimately you both deserve to be happy and current situation does not sound happy or healthy. If I felt I'd done all I could to make it work then my conscience would be clear

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

Why don't you suggest to him that if he isn't willing to give you what you want and need, then is he happy for you to seek it elsewhere.

He isn't being fair on you, at all.

Please talk to him again and tell him that you can't carry on like this.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It sounds like he could be depressed

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By *oppet22TV/TS
over a year ago

huddersfield

Am In the same position as you me and wife have split but still have to live in same house we have owed own bedrooms was married for 32 year the sex stopped years ago as she went off it alltogther only did it to keep my off her back I will allways love her but carnt live in a marriage where I just get pushed away no matter what I did or sed we are friends still just not a couple

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

There was someone else from your town posted pretty much exactly the same story not long ago OP - there was some helpful advice on that thread might be worth looking for, or if I can find it I'll link it here...never know you may even know her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It sounds like he could be depressed "

I would be inclined to see if that could be the case. Stress, depression....they are both insidious and kill you emotionally, romantically, mentally and if you don’t sort them out, possibly physically.

It’s a lot easier to hide both than people think; you can bury it under all sorts of “Oh it’s just work”, “I’m just tired” for a very long time.

I wouldn’t jump on the assumption that’s he’s cheating as a first port of call; and should it turn out he is, the cause may well be what I’ve described and nothing at all to do with you. I make that point as the solution will be different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Why don't you suggest to him that if he isn't willing to give you what you want and need, then is he happy for you to seek it elsewhere.

He isn't being fair on you, at all.

Please talk to him again and tell him that you can't carry on like this.

Good luck."

This sounds a good idea to begin with, but eventually if you both dont really care for each other it is only fair you are allowed to both move on seperatly too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does he know you are on here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you already know the answer, it's just hard to face, and bringing it out into the open with him would crystallize it and possibly take it to the point of no return.

It's just whether you can live in misery with brief interludes of passion, or go for the freedom you deserve?

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By *ifeandhubby400Couple
over a year ago

Arse hole of nowhere ,Scotland

Life is too short to waste it being unhappy ,sounds as if he is having his cake and eating it ,if you both cant w or wont work at it for all your sakes ,,why stay in a unhappy relationship ,i did but left for my daughters sake ,wasnt easy but worked out in the end good luck ,you need to do whats right for you as he certainly is ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The standard reply on here when a married guy posts this kind of thread is:

Show him your profile on here so he can make an informed decision.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly everyone is jumping to the conclusion he's a cheat...

It could be millio s of things and no one has mentioned that the op has cheated on her man. I asked a simple question on here the other day if it was OK to be here without your partner k owing and got so much abuse this is rediculous

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Honestly everyone is jumping to the conclusion he's a cheat...

It could be millio s of things and no one has mentioned that the op has cheated on her man. I asked a simple question on here the other day if it was OK to be here without your partner k owing and got so much abuse this is rediculous "

Double standards. It’s shit. If a man posted that everyone would be fuming.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Honestly everyone is jumping to the conclusion he's a cheat...

It could be millio s of things and no one has mentioned that the op has cheated on her man. I asked a simple question on here the other day if it was OK to be here without your partner k owing and got so much abuse this is rediculous "

You haven't got a pussy

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By *mberWoman
over a year ago

Preston

Sounds like he might be depressed to me too.

My husband was the same (apart from the going out with friends)

I know he loved me and would do anything for me other than the things I needed. Physical love, attention, affection, time.

I broke his heart when we split up. But he then got help.

He's now happier and we get on well. But splitting up was the right thing for us. Even though it still saddens me immensely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It takes 2 people and a lot of effort from both to keep a relationship alive.

If either isn’t happy with the situation then it’s a case of putting up or walking away.

Whilst playing away is an option it isn’t going to improve the overall happiness of your relationship and that’s where you spend your time - not with the odd / regular meet.

I know it appears harsh but are you really willing to put up with the situation when you could split up and find happiness?

I was in an unhappy marriage and walked away.

The grass wasn’t greener, but I didn’t think it would be.

But at least I don’t have to spend time with someone who wasn’t committed to the relationship, he put it work and mates first every time

Walking away was the best thing I ever did, I live my life on my terms now and I am so much happier for it

Only you know how much you’re willing to put up with

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I could of written that.

God that's identical. Us two are in love with each other, we get on really well, but I've had my own bedroom for nearly 10 years.

OP could he be having erection issues? It's a real mind slayer for blokes, we hate talking about it and avoid any confrontation about it.

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By *oppet22TV/TS
over a year ago

huddersfield

I don't think he is cheating like s lot of us men we don't show ower feelings till it too late we hide them just like ladies can at times even though me and wife have to live in same house for now even though where not a couple it's hard when you know it's over kids are fine with both of us splitting as they know we are better for it my love for her will allways be there but better now where just friends

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By *irm hand LukeMan
over a year ago

Berkshire/West Oxfordshire

What a sad story to hear that is such a shame. I hope you feel better putting that out there in some way. None of us can say what is going on exactly but what is clear is how much this bothers you. I don't know what the answer is but you have to do something and I think you have started the process by speaking out. You deserve to be happy and things will sort themselves out if you allow it, don't believe it can't be done. You'll look back one day and be glad you made the right decision x

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By *erdyWoman
over a year ago

wiltshire


"It takes 2 people and a lot of effort from both to keep a relationship alive.

If either isn’t happy with the situation then it’s a case of putting up or walking away.

Whilst playing away is an option it isn’t going to improve the overall happiness of your relationship and that’s where you spend your time - not with the odd / regular meet.

I know it appears harsh but are you really willing to put up with the situation when you could split up and find happiness?

I was in an unhappy marriage and walked away.

The grass wasn’t greener, but I didn’t think it would be.

But at least I don’t have to spend time with someone who wasn’t committed to the relationship, he put it work and mates first every time

Walking away was the best thing I ever did, I live my life on my terms now and I am so much happier for it

Only you know how much you’re willing to put up with"

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By *erdyWoman
over a year ago

wiltshire

If you hear hoofs, assume it's horse not zebra - definitely a good starting point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It takes 2 people and a lot of effort from both to keep a relationship alive.

If either isn’t happy with the situation then it’s a case of putting up or walking away.

Whilst playing away is an option it isn’t going to improve the overall happiness of your relationship and that’s where you spend your time - not with the odd / regular meet.

I know it appears harsh but are you really willing to put up with the situation when you could split up and find happiness?

I was in an unhappy marriage and walked away.

The grass wasn’t greener, but I didn’t think it would be.

But at least I don’t have to spend time with someone who wasn’t committed to the relationship, he put it work and mates first every time

Walking away was the best thing I ever did, I live my life on my terms now and I am so much happier for it

Only you know how much you’re willing to put up with"

This. I walked out of my marriage last year. Some people say it is lot more fun to be independent and live by yourself. But that's really not the case. Of course, you have the freedom to do anything you want anytime without feeling guilty about it. At the same time, loneliness can get to you at times. There is also financial side to it. You obviously spend more as a single person than with a family.

But, am I happy with my decision to walk away? 100%

Because I can look forward to the future.

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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago

Whitley Bay

It sounds like its time for a good dose of honesty, cards on the table.

Don't be afraid to leave because of finances. You can make anything work and it's possible to have a second life..I speak from experience. Change is scary but can be so liberating once the dust settles.

Also, you two can forge whatever relationship you like, you don't have to lose eachother as friends.

I do know that when there is deceit/denial/dishonesty .. that energy is subtly present within a relationship and can inhibit moving forwards. Both of you are responsible for how things are one way or another ..(i mean that without attaching blame on either of you).

I'm sorry you're in this situation, but it can change for both of you for the better.

Good luck xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe being stuck in the house together will reignite some sparks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It sounds like he could be depressed "

I'm not surprised with a cheating wife. He's better off without you OP! Stop playing the victim.

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham


"It sounds like he could be depressed

I'm not surprised with a cheating wife. He's better off without you OP! Stop playing the victim. "

judgemental muchly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aw OP I am not going to judge you for cheating, nor try and guess whether your husband is or not.

Many people cheat for various reasons, it’s not for other people to judge.

I was in an almost sexless marriage for 9 years, although we always had mismatched sex drives so a little different.

Leaving is never going to be easy but you can either spend the rest of your life cheating, no doubt feeling guilty, or not having sex and unhappy.

You need to lay your cards on the table.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Well I made the assumption that you were an older woman and was going to give you some advice. Now I know your age that advice is different.

If you can't get an answer out if him as to why he behaves as he does, you are young enough to find someone who can give you what you need.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear that OP, maybe the Coronavirus will tame him down a bit?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"His probably got another gf on the side as reading it clearly tells me his having a affair x "

Agreed...if he is away alot as you suggest, he has had an affair/fling and has since felt guilty hence can't physically get close to you again like before.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds as though he loves you but may not be in love. The things he would rather do, hang out with friends or watch tv sound like independent things, perhaps he feels he needs freedom? I think the loss of sex Drive is pretty normal but I think doing things that he knows will annoy you means something. I say seriously consider leaving, sometimes we have to put ourselves first, especially when a partner isn’t. Besides it may, and actually seems like it is, hurt(ing) more to stay. X

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By *enchtouristCouple
over a year ago

Armagh

In my previous relationship I went clean off sex. Couldn't tell you why or what for but that was me done with it. Just decided I wanted no more and it was a difficult thing for her to comprehend. I was willing to let her go get it elsewhere if we could continue together doing everything else I just didn't want sex, also didn't want it anywhere else either so I didn't. Ultimately it probably played a big part in us splitting. She wouldn't play outside of the relationship and needed that side of it to make it real.

If you still have a relationship with him that you want other than sex, you can still get it when you need it elsewhere and I also suppose he might also understand. If theres no sex and no relationship beyond that either then its not just about sex.

If you havent had sex in 3 years, I wouldn't be feeling guilty about getting it somewhere else

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks guys for all the messages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It sounds like he could be depressed

I would be inclined to see if that could be the case. Stress, depression....they are both insidious and kill you emotionally, romantically, mentally and if you don’t sort them out, possibly physically.

It’s a lot easier to hide both than people think; you can bury it under all sorts of “Oh it’s just work”, “I’m just tired” for a very long time.

I wouldn’t jump on the assumption that’s he’s cheating as a first port of call; and should it turn out he is, the cause may well be what I’ve described and nothing at all to do with you. I make that point as the solution will be different."

I have to agree with this.

My first reaction when I read your thread OP was he sounds Depressed or stressed about something.

Some could imply its perhaps the guilt of having an affair, but it could be something entirely different.

If you find talking causes arguments,maybe write down how you are feeling instead and see if he's able to open up that way?

Best of luck to you xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Been with my partner since we were kids. We have had a good marriage up until about 3 years ago. He became distant and I can count on one had how many times we have had sex in the last 3 years. I have spoken to him many times. Even done some councling. No one can find anything wrong with him. No reason for his lack of desire in sex.

He says he loves me and wants to be with me. He just doesn't want sex. He spends a lot of time away. More than I'd like him too. He often let's me down on nights out or for family doos. He could just blow me off to head out with mates or watch something on the TV.he knows how much this bothers me but doesn't seem to really care. Not enough to change anyway.

I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've had a few sexual encounters and they've been amazing. I always feel guilty after but not enough to stop doing it. We chatted about splitting up but he says that's the last thing that he wants. To be fair I'm not sure we could afford to separate with rent being so high and just the cost of living in general.

I guess the point of this post is to get it off my chest and maybe see if anyone has been in similar situation. Any advice welcome. "
its more common than you would think do you have children?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Been with my partner since we were kids. We have had a good marriage up until about 3 years ago. He became distant and I can count on one had how many times we have had sex in the last 3 years. I have spoken to him many times. Even done some councling. No one can find anything wrong with him. No reason for his lack of desire in sex.

He says he loves me and wants to be with me. He just doesn't want sex. He spends a lot of time away. More than I'd like him too. He often let's me down on nights out or for family doos. He could just blow me off to head out with mates or watch something on the TV.he knows how much this bothers me but doesn't seem to really care. Not enough to change anyway.

I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've had a few sexual encounters and they've been amazing. I always feel guilty after but not enough to stop doing it. We chatted about splitting up but he says that's the last thing that he wants. To be fair I'm not sure we could afford to separate with rent being so high and just the cost of living in general.

I guess the point of this post is to get it off my chest and maybe see if anyone has been in similar situation. Any advice welcome. its more common than you would think do you have children? "

Yes we have 2

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

I thought you said you were seperate. Maybe I'm thinking of someone else. Introduce him to fab, that might reignite his interest in sex, maybe he's just bored.

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By *usie pTV/TS
over a year ago

taunton

Kin hell this poor guy got some big problems if he don't want to get it on with the bone collector, he really needs to come clean or get to the docs fast.

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

Why do so many people assume het partner is having an affair?

There could be so many other reasons.

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham


"Why do so many people assume het partner is having an affair?

There could be so many other reasons."

*her

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By *ungscotsman26Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

Does he know you are on here? If not maybe he suspects you are cheating on him. Or if he does maybe he's let you do it and then can't get over it.

Sounds like the relationship has ran its course either way.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38

That's a tough situation to be in. Even with the sex gone, meaning you have essentially become just friends, he doesn't seem to give you the respect you deserve.

Having finances tied is not great but not a good enough reason to stay...if you can find another way.

I have no idea what the answer is, but wish you good luck. You only get one shot at life, I hope you find a resolution x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The big question is, when you remove sex from the equation, do you like everything else?

Sex is only a small part of a "normal" relationship. The other 95% is the important part.

You could let him know it's more important to you than him and you want it. He should either give you it, or let you get it elsewhere. There's nothing wrong with an open relationship, nothing says you can't have a lover and a husband. If that works for you both then do it.

The big problem is that many blokes/swingers/lovers seem to not be able to draw a line between love and sex. When i see a single male move in and "lever" a wife away from her husband just because they have great sex it fucking annoys me. Yeah 3 hours great sex is brilliant but not a match for the 10, 20, 30 great years that couple may have had.

Whatever you do, see the line between love and sex and understand that when you no longer love him, that's when you call it a day. In my opinion people assume love and sex go together. In my book they don't at all. There's a difference between making love and having sex. You can have sex with anyone but can only make love with someone you love. It's all very grey though, you could make love to someone you love, even just as a friend just like you can have sex with someone you love!

Anyway i'm glad i've cleared that up for you. All that remains for me to say is "what is love"? Lol!

Maybe skip the forums for answers though and just ask your husband to tell you where you stand instead of a bunch of strangers?

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By *lwaysup4it69Couple
over a year ago

Kirkby in Ashfield

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By *essie.Woman
over a year ago

Serendipity


"The big question is, when you remove sex from the equation, do you like everything else?

Sex is only a small part of a "normal" relationship. The other 95% is the important part.

You could let him know it's more important to you than him and you want it. He should either give you it, or let you get it elsewhere. There's nothing wrong with an open relationship, nothing says you can't have a lover and a husband. If that works for you both then do it.

The big problem is that many blokes/swingers/lovers seem to not be able to draw a line between love and sex. When i see a single male move in and "lever" a wife away from her husband just because they have great sex it fucking annoys me. Yeah 3 hours great sex is brilliant but not a match for the 10, 20, 30 great years that couple may have had.

Whatever you do, see the line between love and sex and understand that when you no longer love him, that's when you call it a day. In my opinion people assume love and sex go together. In my book they don't at all. There's a difference between making love and having sex. You can have sex with anyone but can only make love with someone you love. It's all very grey though, you could make love to someone you love, even just as a friend just like you can have sex with someone you love!

Anyway i'm glad i've cleared that up for you. All that remains for me to say is "what is love"? Lol!

Maybe skip the forums for answers though and just ask your husband to tell you where you stand instead of a bunch of strangers?"

This says it all.

The fact you’re on here and I’m guessing he doesn’t know, says to me you aren’t 100% happy. If you were male you’d have been pulled apart for that on here already.

I get the finances might be hard, but if you both aren’t happy, why stay? Maybe once this lockdown situation is over, try some time apart and see if you really miss each other. If you don’t, there’s your answer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Been with my partner since we were kids. We have had a good marriage up until about 3 years ago. He became distant and I can count on one had how many times we have had sex in the last 3 years. I have spoken to him many times. Even done some councling. No one can find anything wrong with him. No reason for his lack of desire in sex.

He says he loves me and wants to be with me. He just doesn't want sex. He spends a lot of time away. More than I'd like him too. He often let's me down on nights out or for family doos. He could just blow me off to head out with mates or watch something on the TV.he knows how much this bothers me but doesn't seem to really care. Not enough to change anyway.

I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've had a few sexual encounters and they've been amazing. I always feel guilty after but not enough to stop doing it. We chatted about splitting up but he says that's the last thing that he wants. To be fair I'm not sure we could afford to separate with rent being so high and just the cost of living in general.

I guess the point of this post is to get it off my chest and maybe see if anyone has been in similar situation. Any advice welcome. "

My piece of advice would be to come clean with him about you being on here and meeting others. Then he'll either break up with you and you're free to do what you want.

Maybe he'll ask you to stop and fix things with him in which case you know he really cares about your marriage.

Or he might say he's fine with it, which says he either has very low self esteem or was cheating on you too. Either way he has a right to know and you can't want to continue a marriage on the back of lies and cheating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Been with my partner since we were kids. We have had a good marriage up until about 3 years ago. He became distant and I can count on one had how many times we have had sex in the last 3 years. I have spoken to him many times. Even done some councling. No one can find anything wrong with him. No reason for his lack of desire in sex.

He says he loves me and wants to be with me. He just doesn't want sex. He spends a lot of time away. More than I'd like him too. He often let's me down on nights out or for family doos. He could just blow me off to head out with mates or watch something on the TV.he knows how much this bothers me but doesn't seem to really care. Not enough to change anyway.

I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've had a few sexual encounters and they've been amazing. I always feel guilty after but not enough to stop doing it. We chatted about splitting up but he says that's the last thing that he wants. To be fair I'm not sure we could afford to separate with rent being so high and just the cost of living in general.

I guess the point of this post is to get it off my chest and maybe see if anyone has been in similar situation. Any advice welcome. its more common than you would think do you have children?

Yes we have 2"
hey if you think about sex and the most exciting sex you've ever had certainly in my case its been with the people ive just met, i have great sex with all the people I've had sex with but exciting comes from initial meets the anticipation, the sexual arousal of exploring them for first time, their excitement etc when you've been together years for some its just a bodily function and they probably in the end just prefer a wank, if he loves you and you love him surely thats enough, i myself truly believed that and i stayed but eventually left but i can honestly say years later i regret leaving

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By *usie pTV/TS
over a year ago

taunton

You are really going to have to sort this one way or another, a life with out sex is agony, of course its OK for the partner who doesn't want it they are quite happy with the situation, but from your side it can only lead to frustration and bitterness. A lot of us continue on probably because we are too lazy to sort it with excuses like finances children etc but eventually you realise what a waste of a life. It does seem as though a lot have left and are still single many years later would be good to hear if they regret leaving. Random sex is OK for a quick fix but nothing replaces a nice relationship.

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By *ionelhutzMan
over a year ago

liverpool


"Been with my partner since we were kids. We have had a good marriage up until about 3 years ago. He became distant and I can count on one had how many times we have had sex in the last 3 years. I have spoken to him many times. Even done some councling. No one can find anything wrong with him. No reason for his lack of desire in sex.

He says he loves me and wants to be with me. He just doesn't want sex. He spends a lot of time away. More than I'd like him too. He often let's me down on nights out or for family doos. He could just blow me off to head out with mates or watch something on the TV.he knows how much this bothers me but doesn't seem to really care. Not enough to change anyway.

I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've had a few sexual encounters and they've been amazing. I always feel guilty after but not enough to stop doing it. We chatted about splitting up but he says that's the last thing that he wants. To be fair I'm not sure we could afford to separate with rent being so high and just the cost of living in general.

I guess the point of this post is to get it off my chest and maybe see if anyone has been in similar situation. Any advice welcome. "

You havent said what you wanna do?

I think you know the answer

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By *xMFM3sumsxxWoman
over a year ago

SouthWest Lancashire

Suppose you need to weigh up if you'd be happier with or without him?

I feel a lot happier single now than i did with my partner.

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By *lackCherry...Woman
over a year ago

North East


"Been with my partner since we were kids. We have had a good marriage up until about 3 years ago. He became distant and I can count on one had how many times we have had sex in the last 3 years. I have spoken to him many times. Even done some councling. No one can find anything wrong with him. No reason for his lack of desire in sex.

He says he loves me and wants to be with me. He just doesn't want sex. He spends a lot of time away. More than I'd like him too. He often let's me down on nights out or for family doos. He could just blow me off to head out with mates or watch something on the TV.he knows how much this bothers me but doesn't seem to really care. Not enough to change anyway.

I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've had a few sexual encounters and they've been amazing. I always feel guilty after but not enough to stop doing it. We chatted about splitting up but he says that's the last thing that he wants. To be fair I'm not sure we could afford to separate with rent being so high and just the cost of living in general.

I guess the point of this post is to get it off my chest and maybe see if anyone has been in similar situation. Any advice welcome. "

I was in a very similar position, and as heartbreaking as it was I eventually ended the marriage. That was 3 years ago now and it was absolutely the best decision. I didnt realise how much it affected my mental health to be with someone who physically gave no sign of wanting to be with me. I'm still single now, but my confidence and mood and general mental have all improved massively.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Been with my partner since we were kids. We have had a good marriage up until about 3 years ago. He became distant and I can count on one had how many times we have had sex in the last 3 years. I have spoken to him many times. Even done some councling. No one can find anything wrong with him. No reason for his lack of desire in sex.

He says he loves me and wants to be with me. He just doesn't want sex. He spends a lot of time away. More than I'd like him too. He often let's me down on nights out or for family doos. He could just blow me off to head out with mates or watch something on the TV.he knows how much this bothers me but doesn't seem to really care. Not enough to change anyway.

I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've had a few sexual encounters and they've been amazing. I always feel guilty after but not enough to stop doing it. We chatted about splitting up but he says that's the last thing that he wants. To be fair I'm not sure we could afford to separate with rent being so high and just the cost of living in general.

I guess the point of this post is to get it off my chest and maybe see if anyone has been in similar situation. Any advice welcome.

I was in a very similar position, and as heartbreaking as it was I eventually ended the marriage. That was 3 years ago now and it was absolutely the best decision. I didnt realise how much it affected my mental health to be with someone who physically gave no sign of wanting to be with me. I'm still single now, but my confidence and mood and general mental have all improved massively. "

Thanks

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks so much for all the advice.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Thanks so much for all the advice."

How are you..you ok? x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Thanks so much for all the advice.

How are you..you ok? x"

Yah I've taken all the advice on board and tried talking to him. It's impossible at the minute.

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By *nabelle21Woman
over a year ago

B38


"Thanks so much for all the advice.

How are you..you ok? x

Yah I've taken all the advice on board and tried talking to him. It's impossible at the minute."

Tines like this..spending so much time together, I can imagine it's difficult x

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand

I had similar situation, we both gone off sex with eachother but we both don’t want to seperate either so I ended up opening our marriage.

So far so good but I’m missing waking up with a morning sex or unexpected quickies around the house x

Guess it all depends what you want to keep and let go in your life x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"His probably got another gf on the side as reading it clearly tells me his having a affair x "
This sounds about right. If it was another guy you could always jump in.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I had similar situation, we both gone off sex with eachother but we both don’t want to seperate either so I ended up opening our marriage.

So far so good but I’m missing waking up with a morning sex or unexpected quickies around the house x

Guess it all depends what you want to keep and let go in your life x "

He wouldn't entertain the idea of sharing me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had similar situation, we both gone off sex with eachother but we both don’t want to seperate either so I ended up opening our marriage.

So far so good but I’m missing waking up with a morning sex or unexpected quickies around the house x

Guess it all depends what you want to keep and let go in your life x

He wouldn't entertain the idea of sharing me "

Perhaps he does love you, love and sex are not exclusive. I suppose you have to decide what you want. You should never have to sacrifice any of oneself to suit somebody else. Sounds nasty but...

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By *etite_delightWoman
over a year ago

BunnyLand


"I had similar situation, we both gone off sex with eachother but we both don’t want to seperate either so I ended up opening our marriage.

So far so good but I’m missing waking up with a morning sex or unexpected quickies around the house x

Guess it all depends what you want to keep and let go in your life x

He wouldn't entertain the idea of sharing me "

You didn’t get married to turn yourselves nun/priest at some point of your love journey, happiness and compromise for eachothers when needed is the key.

If you want to talk details, please pm me. Happy to share personally x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like he is hiding who he is or lost sex drive. I am sure if he was horny enough to cheat he would still have sex with you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I had similar situation, we both gone off sex with eachother but we both don’t want to seperate either so I ended up opening our marriage.

So far so good but I’m missing waking up with a morning sex or unexpected quickies around the house x

Guess it all depends what you want to keep and let go in your life x

He wouldn't entertain the idea of sharing me

You didn’t get married to turn yourselves nun/priest at some point of your love journey, happiness and compromise for eachothers when needed is the key.

If you want to talk details, please pm me. Happy to share personally x"

Thank you very much

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