FabSwingers.com forum: DO WOMEN FORGIVE? ...AND EXACTLY WHEN!

By *easingTim OP Man
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

Soooo... now that I've got your attention

Here's a dilemma for the women of FAB to read & comment on if you'd like to...

As men, we sometimes say something that we shouldn't have

whether online (on a swing site) or in real life with our partners

or someone we're looking to charm

In a nutshell, we say something that's meant as a compliment

but instead, what we've said comes across at best as a backhanded compliment

or at worse as an insult...

Look, we don't always mean to do this but sometimes it just happens

--------------

So, here's my question...

If a man accidentally insults a woman and apologies and he sees the error of his ways

then the woman gets into a tirade of angry words and emotions, should he...

A. Just listen or read and let her keep talking, typing & venting

B. Become more assertive after a certain point (after all, we can't be wimps and car mats either)

Over apologetic = weakness too you know...

C. Apologise again or

D. Do something else

--------------

...there are men on FAB looking to understand women more and become better men in the process so any advise will be read and considered

Now, I know some men want to get in here for the craic or attention with some great sarcastic remarks

but any chance I can get a woman's opinion on this?

Thanks for reading...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let her vent and acknowledge her perspective. For women being heard and acknowledged is really important and much more valuable than a throw away apology. Then move on with life, don't dwell on the issue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry I can't help you, can't be arsed taking offence at other people's inadequate social skills.

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

Don't think there's a standard procedure you can follow, it depends on the gravity of your misstep and the reaction to it.

All I can say over-apologetic is not the route I'd recommend.

Also if you've fucked up badly best might be to apologise, accept you won't get into those knickers and leave it at that.

Anyhow you could also argue that maybe women should be a bit more understanding by knowing that men are not as perfect as themselves and that they (men) do make mistakes. And in most cases it's better to laugh about the latter than to make a big scene.

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By *ichael McCarthyMan
over a year ago

Lucan

I just never say anything I shouldn't have, especially in relation to the wimmin, not that it matters as they never listen anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The brutal truth is that women only see a men for their utilitarian value. They are are biologically hard wired to seek out the highest value male they can find, and pair bond with him.

Women tend to hold men to a much higher standard than they are capable of themselves. Some women can be incredibly judgemental and unforgiving, others can be spiteful and vengeful.

Less than ten percent of women have humanist traits, and these women are usually independent down to earth, easy-going and happy In themselves.

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By *weet threesome wifeCouple
over a year ago

north west nothern ireland

Holding a grudge is holding negative emotion, when someone regardless of who is sorry and they show it then let it go right away, I do it works for me

Stacey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One more thing OP, Never take relationship advice from a woman. Any savvy worldly wise guy who has a a bit of life experience should know this fundamental truth anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was talking to a Lithuanian woman on tinder before, the discussion moved onto what we both enjoyed sexually. She seemed very quiet and shy but when she was telling me what she had tried etc I said something like "I wasn't expecting that you seem really shy, you're actually a kinky biatch" and a laughing emoji.

I got told that calling her a bitch was very insulting where she came from. I said it was meant as a joke and I didn't realise it would cause such offense. I apologised and left it at that. We continued talking on and off and she brought up how I had insulted her every now and then. I eventually just said I already apologised so if you can't get over it I'll move on, and I did.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well as those African American gangsta rapper gentlemen say- "Bitches be crazy yo"

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By *ofusplusCouple
over a year ago

Limerick

All depends on if it was a spoken or texted convo. Things can easily be misinterpreted when texting, so its important to clarify things if they begin to go pear shaped. If a lady takes offence immediately and begins a tirade, I would see this as a poor reflection of her personality and move on. Mrs here by the way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tim, it really depends what exactly it was. If something trivial and he apologised, then its accepted.

Written vs spoken might be difference as in many cases there might be misinterpretation. Better to ask 'what did you mean exactly?' instead of saying 'fcuk'

If it was really stupid, there is end of conversation even if he said sorry, I didn't mean.

We are human beings, having good but also bad times.

I do not keep all negativity. It is not beneficial for our body and mind. Better to forget about it and focus on someting nice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women NEVER forgive ..they might say they do but years down the track they have the capability of throwing that same something into your lap again ,just as a little reminder ....

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By *easingTim OP Man
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

"I was talking to a Lithuanian woman on tinder before, the discussion moved onto what we both enjoyed sexually. She seemed very quiet and shy but when she was telling me what she had tried etc I said something like "I wasn't expecting that you seem really shy, you're actually a kinky biatch" and a laughing emoji.

-------------------

That is something similar tbh...

A throwaway online comment that could be contrued as mildly offensive (but there wasn't name calling in this instance)

She explained...

I apologised...

Then thanked her for bringing that to my attention

...only to be called names & then blocked

(after I was called further names)

Not on this site obviously Admin

But I will say that

In this case and in these times some people haven't

learned to forgive, which is a shame but something

they have to deal with and not me...

As I'd forgive every one of you, you big shower of

Thanks for your comments guys, ladies, T/Ss & T/V's

Really appreciate!

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By *easingTim OP Man
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

"One more thing OP, Never take relationship advice from a woman. Any savvy worldly wise guy who has a a bit of life experience should know this fundamental truth anyway.

---------------

I don't know about that mate

Even Einstein said that he couldn't figure out women

and he was a genius and a MOFO player!

I'm always learning myself

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By *ightitupWoman
over a year ago

limerick

Depends on what your are forgiving and how much you've been hurt by that person Tim

I have forgiven because sometimes life is too short but also not forgiven as it can still hurt

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By *easingTim OP Man
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

"Depends on what your are forgiving and how much you've been hurt by that person Tim

I have forgiven because sometimes life is too short but also not forgiven as it can still hurt "

----------------------

Don't ask me what's happened to me but I guess with what has and is occurring in the world, something has opened my heart and humbled me to a level where I just want to make amends with those who have bullied or screwed me over (in a non Fab sense) & also those whom I might have offended in my earlier and less mature days...

So far, I've patched things up with a few people and every time I do, I seem to reclaim another piece of my heart. This might sound crazy to some but the more I forgive, the less anger I have inside and the stronger I feel as a result...

On social media I've invited a few people who were derogatory to me when I was a skinny teen with huge Lab glasses and no confidence ...and I mean no confidence (Think Saresh out of the Big Bang Theory and I was his caucasian equivalent) I look forward to telling them in an open and non judgemental way what they did and let them explain their side of the story... Whether they laugh, cry, get angy or defensive is of no concern to me because I get to have closure ...and that's good enough for me...

Yesterday, I had an alpha male best friend of mine (think along the lines of a Mike Tyson) on the phone crying to me that he has so much anger coming to the surface and he "can't fight it off" (a thing a lot of us men do to supress our emotions because that's the only way we know and were taught what to do... push things away, suppress and fight). I'm also guessing that there's a lot of men out there hurting at this moment and very afraid to open up because they were told not to cry... "To pull yourself together and man up" & "Don't be a wimp" We use typical masculine coping mechanisms because that's all we were shown...

Me, I've been lucky to have done some personal development & self improvement courses dealing with this so I think I've been through a process that some men (here and in real life) are only begining to go through now. If that's you, feel free to private message me... Look I don't have all of the answers but I have some of them and that's a start...

I've been posting for the last few days and am unsure if anyone reads this so fingers crossed one or two people do...

Also woul like to stress that I'm not looking for attention or trying to get a meet here ("Ha! ha!)

but I do want to say from what's going on in my own life at the present moment that strength unequivocally does come from forgiveness which I'm discovering more and more with each passing day. I know this post is less light spirited and deeper than most but it's what my heart is telling me to type and I've just done it

Thanks for reading

(takes a big breath...)

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By *he English OneMan
over a year ago

west

Soooo... now that I've got your attention

Here's a dilemma for the women of FAB to read & comment on if you'd like to...

As men, we sometimes say something that we shouldn't have

whether online (on a swing site) or in real life with our partners

or someone we're looking to charm

In a nutshell, we say something that's meant as a compliment

but instead, what we've said comes across at best as a backhanded compliment

or at worse as an insult...

Look, we don't always mean to do this but sometimes it just happens

--------------

So, here's my question...

If a man accidentally insults a woman and apologies and he sees the error of his ways

then the woman gets into a tirade of angry words and emotions, should he...

A. Just listen or read and let her keep talking, typing & venting

B. Become more assertive after a certain point (after all, we can't be wimps and car mats either)

Over apologetic = weakness too you know...

C. Apologise again or

D. Do something else

--------------

...there are men on FAB looking to understand women more and become better men in the process so any advise will be read and considered

Now, I know some men want to get in here for the craic or attention with some great sarcastic remarks

but any chance I can get a woman's opinion on this?

Thanks for reading...

This is where sometimes thinking comes in dead handy nothing worse than an insulted and pissed off woman not a good path to go down its sometimes better to get to know them more than just jumping in with jokes or intended compliments but taken the wrong way of course I could be talking complete utter shite so I welcome to be corrected

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By *ightitupWoman
over a year ago

limerick

Depends on what your are forgiving and how much you've been hurt by that person Tim

I have forgiven because sometimes life is too short but also not forgiven as it can still hurt

----------------------

I've been posting for the last few days and am unsure if anyone reads this so fingers crossed one or two people do...

Also woul like to stress that I'm not looking for attention or trying to get a meet here ("Ha! ha!)

Thanks for reading

(takes a big breath...) "

Ah Tim, I completely get were you are coming from. For me I spoke with someone recently and they were surprised as thought I would be angry at them. To me, what had happened was in the past and forgiving and moving on was what was needed.

This conversation reminds me of a painting I saw recently on instagram. It was only a black and white sketch of half a women face. It reminded me that we only show half of ourselves to others.....only few see all of ourselves

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tim, you don't know this woman's circumstances or history, she might have been on an abusive situation where certain words were used to wound or demean her. It's not all about your need to feel absolved or your apparent assumption that women cannot forgive. We are all individuals and we all have our own story.

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By *eaAndBenCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

I can and do forgive and move on. But I rarely forget, which is a very different thing. Sometimes things can be said or done that alter a friendship for good and the relationship can never be what it once was. There’s wisdom in the saying, “once bitten, twice shy”.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my experience in life there are very few people who's forgiveness would concern me once I had sincerely aplogised for any actual or percived offense.

For 99% of people I interact with they can accept or not and I can happily move on without any hurt, bitterness or guilt.

I get the wanting to make ammends or wanting closure but honestly in my opionion its giving other people too much power over your own well being.

If you are happy with yourself and your actions and selfaware enough to say sorry for unintentional offense or hurt that should be enough

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By *ULLTIMEDAD123Man
over a year ago

DUBLIN

Actions Speaks louder than words.

If you're sorry prove it!

Listen to her reply, Apologise Genuinely,

Small gestures means more than big presents, flowers and chocolates is a lazy cop out,

1.Make her favourite meal.

2.Make a list of all the things you love about her.

3.Clean the house, giving her a free Day to do whatever she wants with 100 Euro to spend on herself...

4. Stop being a Dick and learn from your mistakes.....

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

"Women NEVER forgive ..they might say they do but years down the track they have the capability of throwing that same something into your lap again ,just as a little reminder ...."

Yeah I volunteeer, I'll remind you of your stereotypical point of view should there be a need in the future.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never B

Let her vent.

Apologise.

Check in on them every once in a while. Things will be back to normal in a few days depending on the severity of the mishap.

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By *easingTim OP Man
over a year ago

Loughlinstown

"Tim, you don't know this woman's circumstances or history, she might have been on an abusive situation where certain words were used to wound or demean her. It's not all about your need to feel absolved or your apparent assumption that women cannot forgive. We are all individuals and we all have our own story. "

------------

100% agree...

I don't know anyone's circumstances nor they know mine really and yes certain words or phrases can trigger off an "abusive" emotional response

... It's just that when I reached out, more words were thrown at me which I can really get an inkling as to why (like you said I don't know her circumstances and you're right

...)

...BUT I reached out and know I can walk away with closure. Since starting this thread, each day I seem to find more forgiveness in my heart and empathy for all those around me. I'm not looking for attention or meets at this stage only to say thanks everyone for giving me an opportunity to anonymously post up on a forum and say what's on my mind right now...

Thanks for reading

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By *herieWoman
over a year ago

The Burbs

Those that know me, know I'm rarely serious. There'll be people who will disagree with me but here are my two cents..some guys don't think before they speak, some just say something without actually putting any thought into how it may affect the other person and some just dont listen or actually hear exactly what you've said.

If they apologise, and acknowledge what they've said affected you, all good but I'd personally just move on from whatever they've said, why hold a grudge or be bitter or be rude/nasty to that person, it's reflection on them and its their issue not yours? Holding onto something that's happened in the past or stuff that was said to you isn't good for you, why do that to yourself?

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I'll usually forgive most things. If someone does or says something I'll just say my piece and that's it over and done with. I won't bring it up again. On here if someone is offensive I just move on.

If it's someone I care about and it has hurt me I do forgive usually unless it is something big . But I don't forget. And while it is never brought up again if someone continues to do things that hurt me I now have to confidence to walk away and realise no one has the right to continually put you down.

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