FabSwingers.com forum: Anger

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How do you let go of the anger of being cheated on? It still comes back to bite me every day after 18 months. I don't know how I can ever look him in the eye again (father of my kids). For those of you who were cheated on and were eventually able to remain civil, even friendly, how did you do it??

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By *eaAndBenCouple
over a year ago

Dublin

I’m sorry to read you’re in the place you’re in. It can’t be easy. I can’t say I know the answer to your question but I think maybe a place to start would be to consider the impact these feelings are having on you. All the anger in the world isn’t going to change what has happened. I can’t think of the exact phrase but it goes something like, we can’t change how people behave only how we react. I think you actively have to put past events out of your mind when you’re dealing with him and focus on his good points (he most have had some that you ended up together).

The anger will just hurt you (and possibly your kids) in the end. Don’t let it define you. Rely on yourself and your supports and actively focus on the positive and not the negatives.

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By *oghunter33Woman
over a year ago

on the hill NordWest of

You obviously haven't let go yet. You're not doing yourself a favour by clutching on to it. Look forward not backwards, cherish what you have and enjoy and embrace the new opportunities. you're in control of your emotions, don't allow the negativity to eat you up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are grieving a loss of the relationship and life you thought you had, as well as the loss of trust in the one person you should have been able to trust. It's a complex mix of emotions and the grieving process takes time to work through. This is normal with any huge loss.

Physical exercise and talking to a counsellor or trusted friend can help,but time is your main healer. Be kind to yourself, but also acknowledge that your former partner is human too and we all make mistakes, when we act in a way that hurts others, it's rarely to intentionally hurt but an acting out of our own issues and flaws.

And remember, ultimately anger and bitterness will only hurt yourself and your children. You and they deserve better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great advice Casey Lee

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you let go of the anger of being cheated on? It still comes back to bite me every day after 18 months. I don't know how I can ever look him in the eye again (father of my kids). For those of you who were cheated on and were eventually able to remain civil, even friendly, how did you do it??

Castration. It's the only way.

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By *rish CougarWoman
over a year ago

Bray

It takes a long time for the anger to subside but it will.I am recently divorced for exactly the same reason and loving life now

Chin up girl x

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By *hloe sussexTV/TS
over a year ago

Larne

Men are grade one A holes

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks everyone. I definitely find it hard to just let go. I guess I feel that letting go is somehow condoning what he did. That if I let my guard down he'll think it's ok. (Childish I know!) I wish we could be friendly like he wants us to be. For my boys' sake if nothing else. I've done the counselling and talking to friends. I know nobody can push these thoughts out of my head only me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When my wife cheated on me ... With more than one man ..... I was. Devestated . angry . lost. But one of the things i done was joined the gym and went flat out at it .. Exercise is a really good thing .. You need something else to fill the gap and targets to work towards . the anger will end up eating you alive . counicling and talking is very good which you have done .. But set yourself goals to work towards ... For me i want to get back into motorbikes and buy one again and have joined our local club .. Its a distraction and something to fill the void ... Be good to yourself . wish you all the best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest..its different for everyone..I was cheated on in the past and I got over them all fairly quick, but I was loyal back then and it effected me in the long term..never took relationships too serious after that and when I thought I was ready I rushed in..was in love had kids ,got engaged, went bad then and I turned to booze and I cheated, something i will regret forever and carry to my grave..that was 2 years ago and although I do everything in my power to make life easier for her it will never change what I did..we have our good days and some awful days but we are always friendly and civil in front of our kids .

but again I don't think i will ever be forgiven..but we manage through it..I dont expect to be forgiven or deserve to be forgiven, but I'm also lucky I can see my kids when I want..

sorry for waffling..

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By *osmicGateMan
over a year ago

louth

Never focus on the good times you had with him always focus on the negative things he did.. His annoying habits.. Tell yourself you are better off without him.. Keep reaffirming it.. Takes time but it works all that anger will turn to laughter and you'll be telling yourself you had a lucky escape

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By *ol_ieMan
over a year ago

Dublin west

Time heals.

It takes time but you will get there.

Try and not overthink it in the meantime.

People will let you down in your life, but you will get over it.

I know what you are feeling

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Men are grade one A holes

Ah here...not all of us

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By *eano11888Man
over a year ago

Cavan

Same thing happened to me she was cheating but we have to get on for the sake of the kids. And I thanked him for doing me the favour now she is his problem

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By *ilverman2019Man
over a year ago

sligo

All some solid advise above. And your not alone.me and my ex were having great fun. Swinging ect. Total honesty. And free to play as we wished. Within limits of course. Main one being honest with each other.

And yet she still cheated. Over a Yr later and like you I've this raging anger inside. And that's not my character at all. But it is slightly easing.

The old cliche. Time heals everything. I don't think it heals memory tho

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By *rSlickMan
over a year ago

Dublin

Great words above.

...but when emotional investment tanks, there’s no recovery. Sure, there could be umpteen distractions...all temporary.

Only when there’s another such investment that keeps getting better with time, it may become possible to console oneself that I couldn’t have had this, had the earlier one not gone kaput.

It’s like losing a puppy, only the next can help forget the first, provided it fills the void better.

My two cents.

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By *moothdickMan
over a year ago

stoke

Was cheated on as far as I know, but continually lied to, so who knows ... as for anger, I never want to clap eyes on her again and I’ll keep the anger for her ... but not for others.. good luck, u are the only one who can deal with it in yr way but better advise than what I can give from others may help ... good luck hun x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need more time but from my experience its better to have friendly and happy face when children around and poker face when you need to talk to him 1 to 1.

Divorce is the best option. Well, it was for me.

And Im very sorry. I know how you feel. Do not blame yourself for everything what has happened. And stay strong my dear! Lots of hugs sending to you. And one more thing to remember: not every man is like your partner. There are men who really care, respect and love. You just need more time. Believe me.

Xxx

Yentel

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By *at3232Woman
over a year ago

the moon

You get what you allow xx

Stay strong cc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Men are grade one A holes

"
do not paint us all with the one brush we are not all bad

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By *addubMan
over a year ago

dublin. 12

You have to learn to let go of the past look at it as a house move some good memories some bad but you don't live there anymore.it takes a while but you will get there my ex cheated time after time but I loved her and knew something wasn't right, I asked her to get help but she never did it took getting thrown out of the house (after she brought someone she works with into the family home while I was picking the kids up from school) before she eventually got help she's been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I have remained on speaking terms with her for the sake of the kids if the kids were not involved I could have walked away. They live with her but we share custody, but the oldest knows why we split not the extent of her cheating he only knows she brought him into the house.(he's 18 now) he understands why but can't get around why we are so relaxed around each other. As soon as she moved out she contacted the eldest child's farther to come to her for sex I just happened to call with some m ail for her and bumped into him litterlly. This caused even more trouble as my daughter was in there at the time( she was asleep) can never forget but have learned to forgive. So try look at it this way it might help.

PS I'm happy on my own now I have no interest in another relationship I would like some physical female company now and again but that's as far as I would go.

Trust takes forever to build but minutes to destroy. Once broken it's never the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trust takes forever to build but minutes to destroy. Once broken it's never the same."

True. Time in this case is a key

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

I dunno, never been angry.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you to everyone for your input. It's comforting to know I am not alone. I have even done some research on Forgiveness, and how it just means to let go of said anger/resentment. For some reason I don't even feel close to being able to do that. I wish I could. I'm finding it hard at the moment, keeping busy was what saved me, but now I'm on lockdown with the kiddies and too much time to think

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By *olm_irishMan
over a year ago

Clonee

"Men are grade one A holes

Nonsensical sweeping statements like this are of ZERO help! Thank you

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