FabSwingers.com forum: The chuckle thread

By *oser OP Man
over a year ago

where the wild roses grow

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal". The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan". Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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By *oser OP Man
over a year ago

where the wild roses grow

A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up ... you're next!"

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By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

Both funny

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By *oser OP Man
over a year ago

where the wild roses grow

Plane with 5 passengers on board, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, the Pope, Leo Varadkar and a ten year old school boy. The plane is about to crash and theres only 4 parachutes Trump, said i need one i've to sort out the USA! Takes one and jumps, The pope said i need one, I've to sort out the catholic Church. Takes one and jumps, Boris said i'm the smartest man in England takes one and jumps, Leo said to the ten year old "you can have the last parachute I've lived my life yours is only starting"...the 10 year old said "ah sure theres 2 parachutes left the smartest man in England took my school bag"

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By *etite_RosyWoman
over a year ago

Now in MALAGA (SPAIN)

Buahahaha

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By *oser OP Man
over a year ago

where the wild roses grow

I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again",

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And the Lord said unto John

'Come forth, and receive eternal life'

But John came fifth, and won a toaster

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two cows are standing in a field when the first one turns and says;

"So are you worried about this mad cow disease that is going around?"

The second cow replies;

"I'm just glad that it doesn't effect us helicopters!"

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By *he English OneMan
over a year ago

west

How is women like roads?

Because they both have manholes

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By *oser OP Man
over a year ago

where the wild roses grow

I was gna tell a time travelling joke,

But you guys didn't like it

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By *he English OneMan
over a year ago

west

What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?

They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.....

Then the my call me ugly and poor.

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By *oser OP Man
over a year ago

where the wild roses grow

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies “Yes I do!” and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks “Where did you get this?” The guy replies “Oh I have a personal genie.” The first man asks “Can I make a wish? ” Sure says the other man “Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing” “Ok I will” says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says ” I want a Million Bucks ” The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head And the guy says to the other ” Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt he?” The other man replies “I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC”

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Back in the day an over zealous priest organised a parish dance.

He spent the night patrolling the dance floor insisting that there was no inappropriate behaviour and no bodily contact between young couples. He told them they had to be 2 feet apart at all times.

Locking the hall that night he heard a noise in the bushes and found a local lad and his naked girlfriend " What are you doing with that young lady" he shouted.

" Keeping her two feet apart father".

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By *he English OneMan
over a year ago

west

"Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies “Yes I do!” and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks “Where did you get this?” The guy replies “Oh I have a personal genie.” The first man asks “Can I make a wish? ” Sure says the other man “Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing” “Ok I will” says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says ” I want a Million Bucks ” The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head And the guy says to the other ” Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt he?” The other man replies “I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC”"

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By *P_80Man
over a year ago

Waterford

Why are men smarter during sex?

Because they're plugged into a fuckin' know it all.

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By *he English OneMan
over a year ago

west

A wife sent her husband a romantic text message… She wrote: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.” Her husband texted back: “I’m on the toilet, please advise.”

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By *oser OP Man
over a year ago

where the wild roses grow

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!""

An oldie but a goodie

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By *oser OP Man
over a year ago

where the wild roses grow

Teen 1; Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Teen 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."

Teen 1: "As if."

Teen 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Teen 1: "I don't have a sister."

Teen 2: "You will in about nine months

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By *he English OneMan
over a year ago

west

A pirate walks into the doctor’s office:

Pirate: Doc, you got to help, me ship’s steering wheel got stuck to me crotch.

Doctor: So, what’s the problem?

Pirate: Doc… it’s driving me nuts!

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By *P_80Man
over a year ago

Waterford

The Dyslexic Association of Ireland went up to protest outside the Dail.

It was an hour and a half before someone realized they were outside Aldi.

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By *he English OneMan
over a year ago

west

How is life like toilet paper?

You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.

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By *oser OP Man
over a year ago

where the wild roses grow

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

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By *he English OneMan
over a year ago

west

A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you."

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By *P_80Man
over a year ago

Waterford

What's red and invisible?

No tomatoes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got caught peeing in my local swimming pool the other day

The lifeguard shouted at me that loud I almost fell in!

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By *he English OneMan
over a year ago

west

Why does a mermaid wear seashells?

Because she outgrew her B-shells!

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By *oser OP Man
over a year ago

where the wild roses grow

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you." The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha!" he says, "I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing his costume, "I'm the bus driver!"

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By *he English OneMan
over a year ago

west

"A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you." The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha!" he says, "I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing his costume, "I'm the bus driver!""

Oh that was really good dirty fecker lol

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By *he English OneMan
over a year ago

west

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

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