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"Well done OP. A great thread. 22 years of dealing with horrific scenes came to a boil following an assault in work. Acute stress and sleep deprivation coupled with that spiralled rapidly. I went to a psychotherapist who pulled me back from the edge. Spoke openly with close friends and colleagues. I can still find myself bottling up and not releasing my emotions which doesn’t do any good. Talk and be honest. Get fresh air. Find something that makes you happy or where you lose yourself (not literally lost in hillwalking!) Don’t self medicate with alcohol or drugs. Don’t think you are on your own. Fire, An alpha male. I’m here with you. " It's hard to open up, but I'm glad you're getting to where you need to be. It takes strength to be vulnerable, never forget that | |||
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"what a lovely thread. thanks to all posters, personally I find mindfullness helps a lot" I love using mindfulness, want to elaborate what aspects of mindfulness you've used? | |||
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"Anyone that is struggling or just wants someone to chat to, message me any time at all. Maybe no use bar being there for people, least I can do so happy to do it. " We need more people like you in the world | |||
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"Well done OP. A great thread. 22 years of dealing with horrific scenes came to a boil following an assault in work. Acute stress and sleep deprivation coupled with that spiralled rapidly. I went to a psychotherapist who pulled me back from the edge. Spoke openly with close friends and colleagues. I can still find myself bottling up and not releasing my emotions which doesn’t do any good. Talk and be honest. Get fresh air. Find something that makes you happy or where you lose yourself (not literally lost in hillwalking!) Don’t self medicate with alcohol or drugs. Don’t think you are on your own. Fire, An alpha male. I’m here with you. It's hard to open up, but I'm glad you're getting to where you need to be. It takes strength to be vulnerable, never forget that" Fair play to you starting this thread. I hope it’ll be helpful to someone along the line. Times are far from easy and in the depth of despair it’s so easy to believe that you are on your own. I thought that I was on my own. I made a very late night phone call to a colleague and we stayed on the phone for hours. It was the single most important call I ever made. Find that someone or be that someone, whichever one the moment dictates. There is no script. | |||
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"Anyone that is struggling or just wants someone to chat to, message me any time at all. Maybe no use bar being there for people, least I can do so happy to do it. We need more people like you in the world " It's not much, here for anyone. Inbox always open. I find talking, exercise and doing things I enjoy like being outside helps alot | |||
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"Anyone that is struggling or just wants someone to chat to, message me any time at all. Maybe no use bar being there for people, least I can do so happy to do it. We need more people like you in the world It's not much, here for anyone. Inbox always open. I find talking, exercise and doing things I enjoy like being outside helps alot" I admire your modesty but that "small" gesture can make a huge difference | |||
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"Let's help people going through a difficult time. What did you do to get yourself out of a hole? I'll go first i) exercise ii)talking iii) dedicate time to me" All three of these, although i decreased exercise a little actually lol. I had to learn to take recovery maybe now i take to much recovery sometimes. But whatever works and what works for one may not work for another. ![]() | |||
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"Let's help people going through a difficult time. What did you do to get yourself out of a hole? I'll go first i) exercise ii)talking iii) dedicate time to me All three of these, although i decreased exercise a little actually lol. I had to learn to take recovery maybe now i take to much recovery sometimes. But whatever works and what works for one may not work for another. ![]() I totally relate to that, I was a bit dependent on the gym to deal with my emotions and went to the point where I hit burn out, it's a balancing act for sure | |||
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"Let's help people going through a difficult time. What did you do to get yourself out of a hole? I'll go first i) exercise ii)talking iii) dedicate time to me All three of these, although i decreased exercise a little actually lol. I had to learn to take recovery maybe now i take to much recovery sometimes. But whatever works and what works for one may not work for another. ![]() I'm not sure the current obsession with gym work is entirely healthy, it can easily feed the fixation with body image and self-absorption that social media has already ramped to new heights. There are many forms of exercise which are more beneficial for the mind, particularly those involving outdoor exercise and social interaction. | |||
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"Let's help people going through a difficult time. What did you do to get yourself out of a hole? I'll go first i) exercise ii)talking iii) dedicate time to me All three of these, although i decreased exercise a little actually lol. I had to learn to take recovery maybe now i take to much recovery sometimes. But whatever works and what works for one may not work for another. ![]() Just on the point about outdoors...I have to agree. Personally, my head feels a much better space & I find I sleep better after a walk outdoors rather than a gym session. Don't get me wrong, I do find the gym helps elevate my mood if I'm feeling low but not as much as a good blast around in the fresh air | |||
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"Let's help people going through a difficult time. What did you do to get yourself out of a hole? I'll go first i) exercise ii)talking iii) dedicate time to me All three of these, although i decreased exercise a little actually lol. I had to learn to take recovery maybe now i take to much recovery sometimes. But whatever works and what works for one may not work for another. ![]() Nothing as uplifting for me as a walk on the mountain with a friend or two and our dogs ![]() | |||
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"Let's help people going through a difficult time. What did you do to get yourself out of a hole? I'll go first i) exercise ii)talking iii) dedicate time to me" Great post and thread OP. Talk, talk, talk. Whether it be someone you know or someone you've just met. I'd always felt that if I shared a problem then I was burdening whom I was sharing it with. I changed that mindset when a mucker confided in me. We talked and talked, I even got stuff off my chest and it made us both feel better and our friendship even stronger. | |||
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"Anyone that is struggling or just wants someone to chat to, message me any time at all. Maybe no use bar being there for people, least I can do so happy to do it. " Aw my buddy, always there with a shoulder to lean on... People like you make a difference | |||
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"Let's help people going through a difficult time. What did you do to get yourself out of a hole? I'll go first i) exercise ii)talking iii) dedicate time to me All three of these, although i decreased exercise a little actually lol. I had to learn to take recovery maybe now i take to much recovery sometimes. But whatever works and what works for one may not work for another. ![]() 100%, my view is do exercise that you enjoy, doesn't necessarily have to be gym, some people love the gym some people prefer different things ![]() | |||
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"Counseling, that was the first step. I am now running a program that is combining Mental health counseling with excerise. We have 18 men between the age of 18 -35 on this program with another 15 men who work in a multi national company who have also have mental health issues. There is a waiting list of over 160 men and 80 child to receive our counseling services, with no funding from the government. " That's amazing, fair play ![]() | |||
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"Great thread OP. The timing is perfect, for me. Thank you." Hope you're ok and here if you need a chat | |||
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"I have two friends at min in a bad place and we started running. We walk / run and talk plus we just did 2 5k runs and they are over the moon that they were fit to do the 5k " That's amazing and very proactive. Fair play to you guys ![]() | |||
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"I have two friends at min in a bad place and we started running. We walk / run and talk plus we just did 2 5k runs and they are over the moon that they were fit to do the 5k " I think fitness is even better for the mind than the body, fair play hope they get to a better place. | |||
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"Probably not the most common way to deal with it but I've found some success in stoic philosophy. Reminding myself what is in my control and what isn't and adjusting what I allow to bother me accordingly. Occasionally I consider Sisyphus try to think him happy when the situation is absurd enough. " I actually quite like stoicism.. In a nutshell, "things could always be worse". However it does require some rational thinking to grasp that and when one is in the depths of dispair the thinking is far from rational.. | |||
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"Probably not the most common way to deal with it but I've found some success in stoic philosophy. Reminding myself what is in my control and what isn't and adjusting what I allow to bother me accordingly. Occasionally I consider Sisyphus try to think him happy when the situation is absurd enough. I actually quite like stoicism.. In a nutshell, "things could always be worse". However it does require some rational thinking to grasp that and when one is in the depths of dispair the thinking is far from rational.. " I suppose prevention is better than cure and by practicing continually I find myself not falling so deep so often. But philosophy is far from a perfect science and ultimately its up to each individual how they deal with the world. | |||
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"Antidepressants saved my fucking life. They didn't make me feel better per se. But they took my mind off suicide and gave me the mental and emotional breathing room so I could actually try at therapy. After a few months of weekly sessions I was able to come off them and keep working on it on my own. There's still so much stigma around medicating and, although fresh air and meditating etc can absolutely help a lot of people, there's no shame in knowing that you are too far gone for lifestyle fixes and getting yourself on the meds you need. " Thank you for being so open. Well done you. Xx Similar story but I weaned off the meds a year ago. Cant say I will never go back on them again but feck the stigma.. always do what's right for you x | |||
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" Thank you for being so open. Well done you. Xx Similar story but I weaned off the meds a year ago. Cant say I will never go back on them again but feck the stigma.. always do what's right for you x" You're so welcome. And congratulations on weaning off x | |||
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"Antidepressants saved my fucking life. They didn't make me feel better per se. But they took my mind off suicide and gave me the mental and emotional breathing room so I could actually try at therapy. After a few months of weekly sessions I was able to come off them and keep working on it on my own. There's still so much stigma around medicating and, although fresh air and meditating etc can absolutely help a lot of people, there's no shame in knowing that you are too far gone for lifestyle fixes and getting yourself on the meds you need. " I don't think the stigma is there like it used to be. It takes a while to find a way to cope/manage and if meds are what works for a person, then so be it. I've been on and off meds for the past 19 years and feel no shame nor embarrassment about it. | |||
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"A very good friend sent me this: “What has helped me the most was realising that my emotions are my emotions, my feelings are my feelings and my intentions are my intentions. If I can be honest with myself with all of these, then nobody can take them! I appreciate that it is not easy being honest about such things with yourself but it will develop a much stronger sense of self, and in the end, the only person who can take yourself from you is in fact you.“ Hope that helps. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. The only thing you can control is you, your emotions, feelings and intentions. Change your mind, change your perspective, change your life. The power of positive thinking. (Not easy but practice makes perfect)." So so true sexylady ![]() | |||
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"Well I have never been depressed or anything. But why would people lie to themselves? I control my thoughts they dont control me. Thoughts have no weight, any weight they have, you yourself applied to them. You took a thought or an opinion and you added 100kg to it yourself and your weighed down with all this stuff. So have a look at some of the thoughts weighing you down, and cut some of the strings to let them float away." I said to my son this morning in a text "it's just a feeling, it will pass, it doesn't have to become your reality" | |||
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"Well I have never been depressed or anything. But why would people lie to themselves? I control my thoughts they dont control me. Thoughts have no weight, any weight they have, you yourself applied to them. You took a thought or an opinion and you added 100kg to it yourself and your weighed down with all this stuff. So have a look at some of the thoughts weighing you down, and cut some of the strings to let them float away." If only it were that easy... | |||
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"Well I have never been depressed or anything. But why would people lie to themselves? I control my thoughts they dont control me. Thoughts have no weight, any weight they have, you yourself applied to them. You took a thought or an opinion and you added 100kg to it yourself and your weighed down with all this stuff. So have a look at some of the thoughts weighing you down, and cut some of the strings to let them float away. If only it were that easy..." Wish it was too, things be a lot differant for me | |||
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"I need help dont know were to go dealing with loss of my son " If you think talking it out with a stranger might help I’m happy to listen. My default setting is happy and positive bit I do know how grief can make you feel lost. This too will pass but in the mean time talking might help you. Love to you and your family on the loss of your son. | |||
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"I need help dont know were to go dealing with loss of my son " Sorry to hear, I hope you and your family are ok x | |||
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"I need help dont know were to go dealing with loss of my son " Hi Tom, I have been and still am in the exact same position you find yourself in right now.It happened over 10yrs ago and a day that you can never get out of your head. I was like you for many years,not knowing were to turn to deal with that constant pain.I tried everything....constantly going out weekend and alot of weeknights drinking as well as other substances to block out that pain,loss,hurt and several other feelings.I would lash at family members if they tried to talk to me,so much so that they stopped asking.Friends were often on the recieving end of this as well clients i was working for. I tried bereavment counselling and seeing other counsellors but it just was'nt for me.I eventually turned to 2 of my closest friends as they had tried to help previously and just spoke to them about everything that was on my mind.I'm in a better place than what i was before but yes i still have bad days and its the only thing i think about but i have my 2 friends to turn too when these times strike.To this day i still don't talk to anyone from my family about it. If there is anyone in your circle of friends/work/family or even a stranger don't be afraid to say that you need to talk to them.Happy to chat with you myself if you want as well. | |||
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